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Introduction--Fears & Hopes

I guess I view this blog as my confessional. I am hoping there is no one out there that will judge too harshly.   On my wedding day, of all days, I felt like I was a complete failure. I had tried so hard to lose 50 lbs for the wedding and although I lost around 25 lbs I knew that the minute I got out of my dress that I would start eating up a storm. I remember sitting in church and being completely uncomfortable in my dress. Why couldn't I have worked harder to lose more weight? What was wrong with me?   And it happened, the morning after the wedding when we got back to our house I ate the biggest breakfast ever. Then I ate the largest lunch you've ever seen. By dinner time, a family member commented that they couldn't believe I was eating so much. I thought nothing of it. I had starved myself for months and now I deserved to eat.   Over the next four months, I gained a whopping 30 lbs. It feels unreal. I knew I would be getting questions soon about being pregnant since I gained so much weight, but thankfully, none of my friends or family said anything. But my husband did. He was worried that I had already taken things too far. That's when I started looking into the lapband.   The purpose of this blog is to express that I am truly upset that I let myself go this far and the time lost is just that...lost. I know I cant make up for that time, but I certainly can make the future better for myself, my husband, family and friends by being healthier and ultimately happier with myself.   Surgery is scheduled for tomorrow, and I am sitting here with apprehension reading these posts about slippage, slime and not so stellar results. What happens if this doesnt work? What will become of my life then? I need confidence, when a shadowing doubt has loomed over me for so long. I guess positive thinking and support will be the driving force behind my weight loss journey. My story begins today, not tomorrow when I have the surgery, simply because the past is what makes us who we are today. Today I am an unhealthy, overweight and unhappy individual who wants to change. Tomorrow is my chance.   Maybe I have wrote this just to get it out of me. Maybe I cant say these things to my skinny friends. My hopes are that this works.
pnksteph

pnksteph

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Couch to 5K

So I did the first workout for Couch to 5K yesterday and I am feeling pretty good today. Let me rewind by saying that I used to run between 3-6 miles a day when I was 20 (yikes! 7 years ago already) and it was no problem. I am hoping that this program will get my butt in gear again and I can run like I used to.   Hoping this helps, but I made a calendar and put down what I need to do on the days I need to do them on and I am hoping that will keep me moving. Any former runners out there use this to help get them back in shape?
pnksteph

pnksteph

1
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