not gonna lie....today was tough.... I ate two protien bars and an extra serving of salad....while it could have been much worse....it is still not good.... really, really, really wanted McD's....drive by twice....It is back to school week,,,lots of meetings with snacks and drinks.....everyone going out to lunch to catch up and relax....have ot keep reminding myself that this is a process....and I am taking baby steps.... preop appt on Thursday!!!!:thumbup:
2 Corinthians
-18
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
must see this video.....
Well, school starts tomorrow.... And while I am excited for a new year...I am dreading having to sit thru all those pre-service meetings starving to death!!! Oh well....I will manage... I may be crabby....But I will manage:tongue2:
Okay, so my experience has been a bit of a whirlwind....But nevertheless, here I am....scheduled for surgery....I have my last pre-op visit on Wednesday....
I am terrified, hungry, weak, frustrated, confused....and excited :cursing: You name, I am feeling it.... I am having a very difficult time with headaches (I have head issues to begin with) and this liquid diet has had me in tears several times a day :thumbup: But, onward I march....
Trying my best to survive on two slimfasts and a garden salad a day.... I hope I make it....But I would kill for a little protien right now.... mmmm, maybe some cottage cheese or just plain ole' tuna.... that's all I ask:unsure:.
How funny is that.... Three days on liquids and I am not craving chocolate or potato chips....but tuna...who am I? I haven't been perfect... but if cheating with a couple of pieces of broccoli or a few mushrooms is the worst I do, I will consider my successful! My surgeon, however, may feel differently:angry:.
Okay, so i finally got serious about this in August of 08...
I had been completely out of control and had given up.... The only thing that was getting me up every morning, was the drive-thru - anything cheesey with a big ole' diet coke was all I needed for motivation to get up and go :smile2:!
Lunch was whatever the school cafeteria was slopin' that day...the cafeteria lady really liked me so she gave me double portions or extra cookies-woohoo!!!:cursing:
My afterschool snack was a couple to a few Little Debbies washed down with a - you guessed it - big ole' diet coke....:thumbup:
Dinner was a scavenger hunt for the largest portion I could find - didn't really matter what it was, as long as it was alot of somethin'!:sad:
I now know, (and am pretty sure I knew at the time) that I was trying to eat away some pretty negative feelings. What I was actually doing was eating myself to death... I had moved away from my home, my firends, my church family and completly severed my relationship with the Lord. Thankfully, He never left me:tt1:.
This went on from about January till well, about August. I joined a gym in July, but my eating was still out of control....
In August, we started school and my job had changed.... I was again working with kids that I loved, but quickly discovered that I was not able to perform my job the way I wanted to....
I was sitting in the floor with a little boy, who was having a very difficult time and all these people were watching... Now, the audience has never bothered me before, my students' meltdowns often attracted attention. But this time I was humiliated because I couldn't get up out of the floor! And I don't mean "I couldn't get up gracefully", I mean I actually couldn't get up.
Thankfully, I discovered the doorknob behind me and heeved myself up...
I left work that day and went to see a trainer...:w00t:
She was precious and got me started that day (I'm pretty sure she heard the desperation).
Over the course of the year, I struggled with my eating, exercise, my purpose - and my relationship with the Lord. I came through with a renewed faith, 30 pounds lighter and a new shunt for my brain (long story). 30 pounds isn't alot at my size, but for the first time in my life - I hadn't gained:wink2:.
And better yet, I was no longer angry...:thumbup:
And although that 30 pounds is a
great accomplishment, it isn't the end of what I need to do....
So here I am, 3 days into the preop for LapBand surgery... I wasn't sure this was the path for me, but left it in the Lord's hands (huge for me) and he opened doors that I never thought was possible...My sugery will be paid 100% by my insurance. I was given a surgery slot on a non-surgery day 14 days from now in a practice that is booked three months out....:tt2: This is one of the few things in my life that I have totally let go of and trusted Him with.... I did not beg, bargain or try to manipulate the situation...(again - huge for me) In fact, I had pretty much given up on the idea and decided to try diet pills (not a good idea) when I called my insurance company "for closure." Fast forward 3 days and here I am!!! I start back to work tomorrow, and still have to be approved to be off, but I am not worried.... I trust that it will all work out... Becasue I know who is in control....and it's not me:wub:.