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Back to the Womb

Sunday, June 21, 2009   Back to the Womb     The day of surgery I was hooked up to an IV which became my umbilical cord, bringing me nutrients and drugs needed to do the surgery. Now I'm a newborn baby, only able to drink in tiny quantities, not much nourishment yet, quickly filling my tiny tummy. In a couple more days, I'll be drinking richer liquids, but still only in tiny quantities. Gradually I'll be introducing soft baby food, with an emphasis on protein ground to mush. As I tolerate foods, more will be added until I'm eating grown up food--maybe I should qualify that--grown up healthy food.   Thankful I am for a Father who knew me before he formed me in my mother's womb, who knew me and the things I would stuggle with, who knew me and the things I'd be good at, and who has given me an opportunity to reprogram my body and my brain to His honor and glory.   Just like a newborn I'm prone to sharp pains in my tummy that travel up my esophagus. I have to burp up gas after each swallow to help prevent the pain. I could use someone to constantly burp me. If I overfill my tummy, I will throw up.   I am exchanging the freedom to eat what I want, as much as I want, whenever I want, for freedom from the tyranny of food addiction. As far as food is concerned, I've been reborn.   Its not a done deal. Its a process. Its one day at a time. Its letting go and letting God.   God is good--all the time. All the time--God is good.
 

As A Woman Thinks, So She Is

Wednesday, December 2, 2009   As A Woman Thinks, So She Is     I got a shock when my husband took my picture today. I wanted a new picture for Facebook and for Lapbandtalk. I thought I'd look pretty good because I'm 10 lbs from goal and I'm exercising like a demon. I forgot the power of age and the fact that photos add 10 lbs as does camera angle and lighting.   I looked top heavy. With all my excercise my waist still does not curve in significantly and my upper tummy still is rounded. I can hide the sagging but flatter lower tummy but not the upper tummy. My hips seemed narrow, my thighs skinny, but my boobs, on the other hand, seemed huge. When I was younger I always wanted big boobs. Well, be careful what you wish for. I have been this weight before, but I have never been this shape. I used to be pear shaped. Now I think I'm what they used to call pigeon-breasted.   So now I have to adjust my attitude. I was, I admit, somewhat dismayed. Vanity, vanity, all is vanity. I really do look a lot better and I feel fantastic compared to before. I'll never be young and svelte again. And that's OK. Every time I lost weight in the past it was never good enough and I never felt perfect. Bad body image can sabotage weight loss and maintenance so quickly. You'd think that by the ripe old age of 58 (the 30th of this month) I'd be past the whole body image and beauty thing. My husband certainly doesn't seem to notice or care.   Part of the confidence with which women carry themselves is based on their sense of body image and the way men look at them and treat them. Even more important, I think sometimes, is the way other women look at them. Most heterosexual males don't really care about the details as long as the main parts are present and available. Look at Prince Charles and Camilla vs. Diana. Look at today's headlines about Tiger Woods and check out the skanky looking mistress he had.   We think if we're physically perfect our mates will remain attracted to us and will adore us. Doesn't happen. And we learn not to rely on the opinions of our mates. We look to other women and their comments on how we dress and ornament ourselves and to compliment us as we lose weight. Sometimes we get more of our confidence or lack thereof from the other women in our lives.   Why can't I get my confidence from being a great teacher, a loving grandparent, a caring person, a beloved child of God? In fact, why do I focus on myself so much or even at all?   The fact is, I'm always going to see the world from my own perspective and experience. That's also how I'll express it to others. I am important to myself. I don't think I'll ever not care about how I look or think that my opinions aren't valuable.   So, I'll have to keep working on attitude and on changing my thinking. I'm a positive thinker most of the time. I have to look at the reality of my age and of what fat has done to my body and accept and love my body the way it is. I'll never knock Hugh Jackson off his feet but I do sense men looking my way.   The trick is to love myself yet in humility to consider others better than myself and to keep a servant's heart. I had a little lesson in humility when I saw my pictures today.     I'm finding that to keep the focus off myself it helps to keep myself open to all the incredible beauty around me. I'm still basking in the beauty of the Tennessee mountains. Last night my husband was flipping channels between Celtic Women-Songs from the Heart and So You Think You Can Dance. Some of the voices and some of the dances were so overwhelmingly lovely, they gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes.   I stay away from people who are ranters. I never listen to the political pundits for example. I listen to candidates, but never those whose ranting, hating voices fill the air waves as they pour out vitriol and hazardous waste. I don't care what side they're on. They create ugliness as they twist facts to suit their purposes and try to prove themselves superior through insults and smears. I don't need that kind of ugliness in my life or the anger it raises in me.   I notice, but do not dwell on the horrors that occur in our world. Yes, four police officers were shot. Yes, 30,000 more troops are being sent to Afghanistan. Yes, there was a massacre at Fort Hood by a crazy man. And yes, children and young people are slaughtering each other on the streets of Chicago.   But I thank God for the beauty in this world; for laughter and children's smiles and beautiful voices and haunting performances and incredible scenery and a Father's perfect love.   Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
ifyourstomachoffendsyou

ifyourstomachoffendsyou

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Arthritis set-back

Wednesday, July 1, 2009   Arthritis set-back     I had to go back on my NSAIDs (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug) yesterday. My neck (on which I had major surgery 9 years ago) has been giving me increasing trouble as the NSAIDs anti-inflammatory effects have completely worn off. I went off the drugs in preparation for surgery 3 weeks ago. I was hoping to stay off them since part of my goal is to reduce the number of my medications, but I am full of osteo-arthritis that, though exascerbated by extra weight, is not necessarily caused by it-especially the spinal arthritis and two herniated discs in my neck (unless I've got or am a real fat head, which is possible.)   I cleaned something I shouldn't have and I've been having increasing pulsing nerve pain. I also have damage in my shoulder on that side from a fall last winter. Not being a martyr, I've gone back on the drugs and am feeling better. I don't want to have to go through the MRI, physical therapy that never works, and inevitable epidural shots. Someday I may have to have the neck fused (they took out a lot of bone but did not fuse it 9 years ago.) I'm usually very careful how I use my neck (my husband does most of the cleaning) because it is so easily irritated.   This kind of pain if it persists has a history of sending me spiralling into depression and into the food. I used to be relatively athletic and very active, a loss that I re-grieve with each new episode; and as the arthritis has grown, so has the weight. The weight, in turn, makes the arthritis worse. The arthritis has made it difficult to control my ADHD with excercise. Swimming, which used to be my best excercise and activity, irritates my neck if I do it very much. I can no longer swing my arms when walking because of the pain it causes in my neck. I have to be very careful with dancing as well, which I also love and seldom do.   I've had double knee replacements and shoulder repair (to remove a big spur and repair torn rotator cuff) in addition to the neck surgery. Both my knees and my shoulder started giving me trouble already as a teenager when I was not at all overweight. The weight definitely accelerated the deterioration of the knees.   So, now I have to deal with this flare-up without using food to help numb the physical and emotional pain that loss of mobility and pain always causes me.   Please pray with me that the pain will subside and that I'll be able to avoid the whole medical scenario I've had to go through too many times in the past. Please pray that I'll be able to deal with the loss of mobility without craving the food. Please pray that the weight loss will make a difference in my pain level because the neck is not the only part of my body that has really started hurting as the NSAIDs left my system. I'm not yet back on my fish oil capsules which I think also helped. Swallowing pills and filling my tiny tummy with them is still difficult and painful. It's disappointing and sad for me to have to go back on these drugs. That means I can't go off my stomach pill either. For now. But with God, all things are possible.
 

Arthritis set-back

Wednesday, July 1, 2009   Arthritis set-back     I had to go back on my NSAIDs (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug) yesterday. My neck (on which I had major surgery 9 years ago) has been giving me increasing trouble as the NSAIDs anti-inflammatory effects have completely worn off. I went off the drugs in preparation for surgery 3 weeks ago. I was hoping to stay off them since part of my goal is to reduce the number of my medications, but I am full of osteo-arthritis that, though exascerbated by extra weight, is not necessarily caused by it-especially the spinal arthritis and two herniated discs in my neck (unless I've got or am a real fat head, which is possible.)   I cleaned something I shouldn't have and I've been having increasing pulsing nerve pain. I also have damage in my shoulder on that side from a fall last winter. Not being a martyr, I've gone back on the drugs and am feeling better. I don't want to have to go through the MRI, physical therapy that never works, and inevitable epidural shots. Someday I may have to have the neck fused (they took out a lot of bone but did not fuse it 9 years ago.) I'm usually very careful how I use my neck (my husband does most of the cleaning) because it is so easily irritated.   This kind of pain if it persists has a history of sending me spiralling into depression and into the food. I used to be relatively athletic and very active, a loss that I re-grieve with each new episode; and as the arthritis has grown, so has the weight. The weight, in turn, makes the arthritis worse. The arthritis has made it difficult to control my ADHD with excercise. Swimming, which used to be my best excercise and activity, irritates my neck if I do it very much. I can no longer swing my arms when walking because of the pain it causes in my neck. I have to be very careful with dancing as well, which I also love and seldom do.   I've had double knee replacements and shoulder repair (to remove a big spur and repair torn rotator cuff) in addition to the neck surgery. Both my knees and my shoulder started giving me trouble already as a teenager when I was not at all overweight. The weight definitely accelerated the deterioration of the knees.   So, now I have to deal with this flare-up without using food to help numb the physical and emotional pain that loss of mobility and pain always causes me.   Please pray with me that the pain will subside and that I'll be able to avoid the whole medical scenario I've had to go through too many times in the past. Please pray that I'll be able to deal with the loss of mobility without craving the food. Please pray that the weight loss will make a difference in my pain level because the neck is not the only part of my body that has really started hurting as the NSAIDs left my system. I'm not yet back on my fish oil capsules which I think also helped. Swallowing pills and filling my tiny tummy with them is still difficult and painful. It's disappointing and sad for me to have to go back on these drugs. That means I can't go off my stomach pill either. For now. But with God, all things are possible.
 

Apologies

Tuesday, June 30, 2009   Apologies     I had an excellent comment on my post of 2 days ago. Although I did not mean to trivialize the difficulties of thinner people who struggle with food, it came off that way. People who are thin can also struggle with food obsession and addiction and are as desperate as those who show the disease outwardly. I'm putting the comment out here as today's post. It's said better than I could ever say it.   "I would just like to add something to this posting. Being a certain weight does not always determine the severity of an eating disorder. "Skinny" or "normal weight" people (that may not be obviously struggling with food issues) may be dealing with food addiction/aversion issues far worse than their outward appearance shows. Bulimia, anorexia, and generalized disordered eating are unfortunately extremely common now, and these eating disorders cause serious health problems that can be fatal- just like food addiction and overeating. Also, "poor body image" and "falling for the fashion industry's body prototype" are serious issues that plague many women and should not be taken lightly...just like food addiction shouldn't. Many of the comments that women make that cause hurt for others are simply an indication that they have some sort of food issue of their own they are struggling with. I think it is important to remember that when we see someone who may look perfect to the outside world, they are just as likely to be struggling with food issues as anyone else. Like you said- these are diseases. Disorders and diseases associated with food don't always make people overweight (and therefore aren't always easy to spot). Disorders associated with food also rarely have anything to do with the persons actual outside appearance, so the "lucky" people who are thin and appear fit do not always see themselves the way others do. In fact, they can be just as tortured by food addiction and disease as people who are overweight and addicted to food. "   Thank you for that much needed correction and insight
 

Another Ticket! ADHD Strikes Again

Thursday, August 13, 2009   Another Ticket! ADHD Strikes Again.     I am so sick of ADHD. All of a sudden I'm leaving my lights on in my car. I always drive with my lights on, day or night, and automatically turn them off when I park. I know people see me easier if my lights are on plus I got sick of forgetting to turn my lights on as it turned dusk while I was driving. Doing it all the time made it part of my routine. But this summer, the lapband thing (including this blog) has taken over my mind. So has Facebook.   I haven't been driving as much because I'm not teaching, I can't go shopping or places that cost money because I have no money--at least no extra money. So I'm out of my routine, and have developed a new passion that appears to have hijacked my remaining brain cells--at least the ones that involve driving.   So far I've been in an accident that got me a ticket, my grandson asked me why the lights were on after we exited the car, some kind neighbors of the school where I work knocked on the door to tell me my lights were on, and I didn't turn the lights all the way off when I went to Borders to read for an afternoon, and had to call my husband to come jump the car. Twice this week I found myself driving south down 394 to my daughter's when that wasn't where I was going. Today, I didn't notice the Do Not Park signs on the trees at work.They post these when the street cleaner is coming by and I got a parking ticket. Aargh! I'm going broke(er)! I need school to start to get me into a routine so my brain starts functioning again.   So I'm cutting back on some of the sites I've been visiting. I've cut back on Facebook. I'm actually getting at this blog and finishing it at a reasonable time and going to bed at a reasonable time. Next week I'll be at school several days to get my room ready and attend inservices. The following week school starts on the 26th.   I was at school today with my assistant working on the room as well. While I was there I met with a parent. School is slowly taking over my brain again. You'll probably start getting teaching stories from me now.   But one thing remains formost--managing my eating disorder. Its not gone. Its lurking. The band makes it manageable. School will bring its own complications. But I will be back in a routine. Routines really help ADHD people. Till they forget their routines and forget to turn their lights off on their cars.   I'm trying to establish a food routine. But I am very aware that it doesn't take much for a change in cirumstance to destroy a routine I've had for years--turning my lights on after I start the car, and turning them off immediately after shutting off the engine.   But I can do all things, Through him who strengthens me.   I'm in his hands, no matter what my lot, no matter what my circumstance. I can get through the good stuff, I can get through the bad stuff.   I know the secret to being content is knowing he'll give me the strength to get through multiple ADHD moments, tickets, potential job loss, good food days, and bad food days. I got a ticket today. I didn't overeat.
 

An ADHD Evening

An ADHD Evening     My husband is losing weight on my diet. Actually, he's not on my diet but he doesn't eat goodies in front of me at night anymore and as a result he's losing weight. The articles I read on the ADHD/ADD-eating disorders connection say that night-time is the hardest time for an ADHD/ADD woman to not eat. Evenings are our worst time because our projects are done. We need to find stimulating, adventurous things to do at night to keep us out of the food.   I bury myself in Facebook and my blog right now at night while watching TV at the same time. I may be in trouble when I start losing interest in Facebook (which is beginning to happen), and I imagine eventually I'll run out of things to say and start repeating myself on my blog. When church and school activities begin in August and September it'll be a relief.   I knew I wasn't nuts about the connection between attention deficit disorder and my eating disorder. There is a big connection for about one/third of compulsive overeaters. We have difficulty with organizational skills which is why food plans and food journals and countaing carbs, calories, or points don't work for us. We have poor impulse control which is why we're on the see-food diet: we see food, we eat food. And we have poor self-awareness which leads to not knowing when we're hungry or when we're full. When we're busy with something that stimulates us we totally forget to eat which sets us up for ravenous hunger later, and because we don't sense fullness we eat till we're stuffed.   Its very important that ADHD people speak up for themselves about being put (in all innocence) in situations where they are confronted with favorite food at a time when their impulsivity level is at their highest.   I had asked my husband to not eat treats at night in front of me and he graciously complied. He is now reaping the benefits.   I had a really ADHD evening. I steadily accomplished things all day today and then forgot a meeting I was supposed to attend tonight. (Sorry, Roger) I did the same thing last Saturday morning with another meeting. Mind you, this morning I told my husband to help me remember I had a meeting on Monday night and he said, "Today's Monday." I saw Roger today and we talked about the meeting. Up until an hour before the meeting I remembered. Then something distracted me and I forgot.   I'm totally off any regular schedule in the summer and my mind frees itself of the school year structure that helps me remember stuff. On the other hand, my mind is popping with creative ideas. I wrote two children's stories and came up with some ideas for my school. I write this blog each night. But I forgot two meetings in three days.   This kind of thing is not an infrequent occurrence with me. I wonder if you can imagine the shame this has caused me in the past? Understanding my own ADHD has greatly reduced the shame I feel, but I know other people find it frustrating and really don't understand.   According to the authors of the study, ADHD people are the ones least likely to succeed on any form of food plan. Does that explain a lot. They suggest that we keep a variety of the food we should eat available at home and at work because we're the type to forget to pack a lunch. They don't even suggest trying to restrict the food because we're such failures at it, just try to stay on a maintenance diet of 1800-2500 calories/day. Well, I'm glad I've got the lapband so that I'll actually lose weight faster than a maintenance diet.(Though, frankly, I would lose weight on that because I ate more calories than that.) And so that on really ADHD days, like today, I've got a tool that will stop me from getting too badly into the food. Just for today, I did not get into the food. Fortunately, the knowledge that I missed a meeting happened just before I began working on my blog, giving me a chance to process the whole thing. I also noticed Roger was on Facebook and chatted with him online and apologized for missing the meeting. I've had to do that a lot in my life.   He sent me the minutes. I'll catch up. But I lost an opportunity to share ideas with others--something to which I was looking forward.   Oh, well. ADHD has its gifts as well as its drawbacks. Today was more drawback than gift. But by the grace of God, I haven't eaten.
 

A Relative Thing

Thursday, August 6, 2009   A Relative Thing     I'm going to be with my brothers and sisters, mom and dad, and other assorted relatives over the next few days. I'm looking forward to it. It was one of those spontaneous get-togethers my family does, a couple relatives going to be in the area, so a few others decided to come, too.   I've been doing a high protein very low carb diet for 3 days in order to jumpstart my weightloss. I'd stalled while waiting for my first fill in my band (Aug. 11). I wasn't gaining and was losing very slowly but I wanted to see if I could feel any restriction from my band and eating mostly meat is supposed to do that. It did. I had to eat the meat very slowly and even stop for a few minutes in order to be able to continue eating a decent quantity.   I wanted to feel free to not worry about the food while with my relatives. The band will still give me some restriction; I've dropped a few more pounds, and varying my food actually keeps me from getting bored or feeling deprived. I'll keep protein first, but allow myself a little of this and a little of that and not feel guilty. My plan is to go back on the high protein afterwards until my fill on the 11th. I suspect I won't have to worry about restriction for a while after that. All I'll have to do to feel restriction will be to go on an almost all meat diet for a few days. I love meat but I can't ever pig out on it again.   It'll be interesting to see what it'll be like to not be totally about the food while around my family. Its supposed to thunderstorm so we'll all be indoors together in a relatively small cottage and I won't have food to protect me. I will have grandchildren there and as I talked about yesterday, they can keep me totally occupied. I frequently spell their various parents and take over watching one or two of them so my kids can mingle with their cousins.   Today I took care of my two grandsons. I spent 4 hours putting together the wooden Thomas railroad for Joshua and a complex geotrax train system for David while Joshua slept. David and I played trains for a long time. I showed him how to switch tracks to not always successfully avoid collisions between our two trains. I was sore from bending over the tracks for so long but I was so completely absorbed in creating the system that I had no trouble not eating.   That's what I need to do for the next couple of days--become so completely absorbed in the people around me that I don't even think about eating. It's part of developing that mindfulness and choosing to be present that food insulated me from in the past.   I won't be posting the next couple nights unless an issue comes up that I really need to deal with.   The Lord watch between me and thee while I am gone. I have no idea where I heard that, I think its Irish, and I think its cool.
 

A Meaningful Life

Monday, November 9, 2009   A Meaningful Life     I like Mondays. I look forward to going to work. I am a problem solver and these kids and this school have many problems. I love my kids. Also, my personal motto is from Micah 6 and says, "Act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God."   Roseland Christian School allows me to practice justice (equal education for students who wouldn't get it in the public schools and historically haven't ever gotten it), love mercy (everytime a student needs encouragement or a boundary enforced and then relationship restored), and I couldn't do this job without God. Anyone who lacks humility will not survive in this place.   I have had to look at myself--my hidden prejudices, my reactions and behaviors, my way of handling children, my anger, my need to be in control, my need to be liked, the way I raised my own children. So much I've had to work on. I've had to work on emotional consistency even when I want to tear a child's head off. I'm not always successful at not being cranky and crabby, but most days I am.   I've immersed myself in Love & Logic, an incredibly effective set of disciplinary principles and practical set of suggestions. As a result, when a child does something I immediately pause and hear in my head, "No anger, lectures, threats, or warnings." Initially, I used a lot of Love & Logic one-liners like "I like you too much to argue."   Eventually I came up with my own lines, often incorporating my own sense of humor. The impression I try to give is that I can handle anything they throw at me with ease. I try to be that charismatic adult in their life who can inspire them to become more than they ever thought they could be, to overcome barriers and difficulties they thought were insurmountable.   I feel free to be myself with these kids probably more than I am with adults.   I've learned a lot teaching. I learned I am a glass half full kind of person. I'm also an every crisis is an opportunity kind of person. When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade, etc. The fact is, life is hard. When you accept that and don't whine about it, it gets a lot better. Doesn't mean we shouldn't vent once in a while. Doesn't mean we don't despair at times. But even in my toughest times, I was always aware that joy from the Lord lay just under the surface. Weeping may last for a day, but joy comes in the morning. (Ecclesiastes)   That joy bubbles up when I teach. It bubbles up even more without the weight on me. My spirits become almost irrepressible and the kids sense it and respond.   One of my favorite old hymns is: When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say, "It is well, it is well with my soul."   Christianity is not about pie in the sky when you die bye and bye. We have a God who cared enough about us to become human. A God who has gone through and experienced everything we've gone through. A God who experienced such a horrifying death that he sweated blood anticipating that death.   This God walks with us through everything that life throws at us. He is the source of my joy, of my growth, of my goals, of the peace that attends my way. Living with Him eternally is a bonus. It's for this life that I need Him.   A song that I wrote last spring goes like this (based on Phillipians 4)   I could've been a superstar but that wouldn't take me very far I am content. I could've had a mansion and worn the latest fashion but I am content. I am content no matter what the circumstance. I am content no matter what my lot. I know what it means to live in want or have plenty. I know the meaning of being content... Is I can do all thingsthrough Him who strengthens me. Yes, I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
ifyourstomachoffendsyou

ifyourstomachoffendsyou

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A Great Weekend

Saturday, August 29, 2009   A Great Weekend     My husband and I went to the Taste of Greece today. The weather was perfect. Not hot at all. Sweater weather with a jacket for evening. We ate some interesting food (spanokopita, saganaki, chicken kabob, gelato) listened to some Greek music, and watched some Greek dancing and a belly dancer. She was not skinny and she was not young but she looked great. All her plumper areas were in the right places and jiggled nicely. She was very graceful and the dance was not overtly sexual. Fun.   The circle dances that those with Greek heritage (and a few without) danced were fun to watch and I loved seeing the Greek costumed dancers do their thing. We also saw the Jesse White tumblers. What a treat. Those kids just flew through the air and wowed the crowd.   It was just plain fun. We were going to stay home and do nothing but then I found out this was happening and we decided to go, spur of the moment.   Its so important to incorporate fun stuff into your life. Spontaneous or planned, it sure beats staying home and smelling the mold drifting up from your basement.   Last night I went to a Tastefully Simple party. I knew there would be some former colleagues attending as well as a few current colleagues. I wanted to connect rather than stay home another Friday night and watch lint grow in my navel. Well, I don't actually do that, but sometimes it feels that way.   So both times I had some food outside my food protocol, but I did not overeat. The band is not meant to keep me from participating in life, and good food is part of life. Its just meant to stop me from going overboard and it did its job.   Meanwhile, my blood pressure continues to drop and I was so excited to wear this really cute pair of jeans I picked up at a thrift store a month ago when they were still too tight for me. Now they're just right. I haven't worn flattering jeans for such a long time. I had a really pretty lavender sweater (that matched the flowers on the jeans) that I picked up at a resale shop a couple of weeks ago--a never worn Ralph Lauren.   Tomorrow morning I'm subbing on a praise team at our church. I haven't hardly sung all summer at church and I was so happy to be asked to sing. I'm probably going to get to sing tenor instead of alto, at least on some songs, and that's exciting, too.   I've been hibernating most of the summer, doing a few fun things here and there but limited by my surgery and getting my food protocol established and, of course, having very limited funds with every extra dollar being spent on getting my basement fixed.   This is just a great weekend.   Last night there was an incident that could have sabotaged some of it, but I spoke up for myself and salvaged a good night's sleep. I had been awakened by neighbors playing loud music and talking and laughing loudly at 4 a.m. in the morning. This house has been empty for over a year but it was recently purchased and the buyer has his kids rehabbing the place. Well, one of the kids decided to have a party. I debated what to do and finally decided to put on my housecoat and flipflops and talk to them. It took a lot of pounding on the door before they even heard me.   Fortunately, the girl was quite embarrassed for waking me up and grateful I hadn't called the police. She immediately turned the music off and made everyone shut up. Maybe they all went home. Anyway, I was able to go back to sleep and, for the first time in a long time, I actually was able to sleep in on a Saturday morning. I had taken extended relief Tylenol the night before in addition to my anti-inflammatory and slept and woke up without pain for a change.   If I hadn't taken the Tylenol, even though the kids had quieted down, I would have had trouble getting back to sleep because by then it was almost 5 a.m. and that's when the discomfort normally starts waking me up.   So I get to sing praise to God tomorrow morning early (7:45 a.m. practice) but I should still be well rested. My blog post is finished and I can go to bed on time. Its only 10:30 p.m. instead of 12 midnight, which is when I usually finished posting all summer long.   God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.
 

A Balanced Life and Reaching Goal

Saturday, January 30, 2010   A Balanced Life and Reaching Goal     I wanted to be a missionary Dr. when I was a kid. Or a writer. But I had this tendancy to round up all the kids (and sometimes their mothers) to play circus and kick-the-can and put on little shows (wrote plays), taught them songs to sing, played a little piano and had the mothers invite each other over for tea to watch our perfomances. Most of them closely resembled church services (without the sermons, thank God) or school programs (I went to Christian schools).   When I moved from my neighborhood after 5th grade, one of the other kid's mothers told me the other children didn't know what to do with themselves after I left. LOL.   In high school, other kids started asking me for help with their subjects. In college I gravitated towards English and history and because most woman from my background were encouraged to go into nursing or teaching (if they went to college.) I ended up teaching with some forays into public relations and fund-raising.   Although I'm certified to teach secondary English and history, I sort of fell into the tutoring field and teach supplementary math and reading from grades 1-8, at which I am very gifted. Just yesterday a mother told me her daughter always tells her, "I don't understand the math until Mrs. Flory explains it."   I think I'm a puzzle solver and I see children's learning problems as a puzzle to be solved. Where is the breakdown in understanding occuring? Is there an underlying learning disability? Are they ADHD? What method of instruction works for this child? Do they have better comprehension if they read out loud? If they wear noise-blocking headsets? How can I explain this and demonstrate it so they'll "see" it and remember it? How do I keep their attention and minimize their distractive behaviors so that they can learn? What materials would best suit this child? Is it a comprehension or a computational issue? Etc.   I really fly by the seat of my pants with a lot of this. I just get a sense of the child and leap to an intuitive understanding of what makes them tick and how best to break down the information for them. I think the fact that I love each child and establish a relationship with them also accounts for why they respond so well to my teaching.   Frankly, I'm a self-taught teacher in many ways. I've certainly never sat in a workshop or class that taught me to teach the way I teach. I do continuing ed. of course, but I like to take workshops and classes that give me practical tools that I can then modify to fit the needs of various children.   Lesson plans are guidelines that might or might not be followed. I really don't even write them anymore. I have an overall plan in my head of where I want to go and I modify it on the spot or abandon it totally if the need arises. Amazingly, it all seems to work and my kids make great progress.   I get my exercise in the mornings. I get to school early (7:15-7:30) and climb the stairs and walk the hallways and circle the gym for 30-45 minutes. I usually have a couple of kids already on the computers who are in before school care and I keep checking on them during my rounds. By 8 a.m. I'm already teaching kids who come before school and I teach an after school class till 4 and then private tutor a child till 4:35.   It's amazing how confidant I am when teaching children. I'm truly in my element. It is a stressful job, but mostly its good stress. But I do need to unwind when not teaching. At first, when I come home, after quickly cooking or putting together the meal my husband sets out, I tend to sit like a zombie in front of the TV, slowly eating my dinner. I only take in about half of what my husband says and tend to mostly grunt.   I start checking my Facebook, writing my blog, or go on lapband thread reading posts and responding, and looking up to watch TV when it interests me--and I pretty much do this till bedtime.   I do go out for choir practice one night a week and once a month I go to the school that is the vendor for my services and meet with other Discovery room teachers. We share teaching techniques and ideas as well as provide support for each other. One night a month I meet with the promotions committee for Roseland Christian School and generate ideas for raising money. I'll write some stories for them about some of the children we serve and their struggles and accomplishments.   On weekends I love walking-especially outdoors, gardening, playing with grandchildren, hot bubble baths with diet hot chocolate and a good mystery to read , singing in church, and maybe having a good long talk with one of my sisters or brothers (don't get to do that often, I should call them more.) I love to dance, did that last night a little. I need to do that more often.   Unfortunately, food has always been a big de-stresser that led to other forms of stress--like being fat and unhealthy and in pain. Living without it isn't easy. I still turn to it occasionally, but then the band gets in the way of it becoming a total foodfest.In fact, right now, I've been way into the carbs. Three colds in two months and no sun have really gotten to me. Hadn't gained but hadn't lost the last 3 lbs either. Getting a fill on Tuesday. That should kick me back into restriction.   But surprisingly, this morning when I got on the scale, I was 167 lbs. My goal. Now I did get up a few hrs later than usual and I danced last night so that might be a temporary aberration. I was surprised but I have been cutting back on the meals to make up for the carbs (read Candy).   I do know that if I keep eating candy, eventually I'll start eating more period and I'll gain the weight back. The new fill won't stop the candy. It'll slide right through. And it doesn't make me feel very good. But now that this cold is subsiding, I should do better. I've gone back to doubling my multi-vitamins and Calcium. As my weight loss slowed, and I had fewer prescription pills to take, I was only taking them at night and not in the morning. I think that's why I've gotten sick three times in a row.   But despite my set-backs, God is good. The weight is off. Surprisingly, that isn't the focus of my post. Having a relatively balanced life is the focus. Maybe the two are related. Ya think?   God is good all the time. All the time God is good.   :
ifyourstomachoffendsyou

ifyourstomachoffendsyou

1
 

47 Lbs Down, 23 to Go

Sunday, September 27, 2009   47 Lbs Down, 23 to Go     My body has changed so much since the last time I weighed this much. I've totally lost my butt and now have the typical Dutch flat wide back end of a bus hind end.I also had a fat abdomen but not a tummy. Now I've got 2 rolls and the bigger one is on top My waist is thicker, my hips are thinner and so are my thighs. If it fits my waist it bags on my butt and thighs. So what suits me is not currently in the stores. LOL. But I still look better in clothes than before, and want more of them.   A week ago I went shopping. I'm in between an XL and an L. Neither looked right. The mirrors and lighting in the fitting rooms are absolutely unforgiving. My body's fat distribution has changed so much from the last time I lost weight. My upper stomach sticks out more than my abdomen, but the abdomen has the hanging skin. My thighs are thinner but unbelievably flabby and flappy. My legs are full of varicose veins. My butt has become the typical Dutch butt--wide and flat like the back end of a bus. Once upon a time my figure was hourglass. That was depressing. I left the store and didn't buy anything.   Makes me want plastic surgery but I'll never be able to afford it. And I'm scared of the pain. Sounds worse than my knee surgeries, neck surgery, and my hysterectomy combined..Gettin' old is a real bitch.   My hysterectomy 10 years ago is partially responsible for the redistribution of my weight. Pregnancies, nursing, age and weight loss have warped the rest.   I went back a few days later. Bought some XLs and hope they shrink a little when I wash them so they'll fit a while. Today I used my cash back bucks to buy a really great pair of pants. My guess is nobody my age except the very rich looks very good without their clothes. I feel like I'm starting to look good in my clothes. That's a good thing.   My goal is to reach goal by my birthday, Dec. 30. Forty-seven lbs. down, 23 to go.   In my quest to remain thin and fight my food addiction I used and did a lot of things.     Weight Watchers Dexatrim Slimfast Atkins Jenny Craig Hypnosis Thyroid with an unknown appetite suppressant Overeaters Anonymous TOPS exercising like a maniac a religious group (lasted 2 meetings, too many rules, too much talk about gluttony, figured Jesus would not have attended either) various supplements which I believe had extreme amounts of caffeine and who knows what in them.   I've lived 57 years. I don't even remember all the things I did and tried.   But I'm looking much better. 47 lbs off, 23 to go. Whoo hoo! Not there yet. This is the weight I was at the end of my pregnancies.   But my health is so much better. No more blood pressure meds or supplements. No more reflux meds since the Dr. fixed my hiatal hernia when he put in the lapband. I'm thinking soon no more cholesterol meds.   I've discovered Miralax and am no longer eating fiber like a madwoman to counteract the constipation I've suffered since a baby.   I walk 2-3 mi/day at least 5 days a week. Its the only exercise I can really do. Walk outside as much as possible to enjoy the view, fresh air and the sunshine when available. I do have a treadmill I picked up at a garage sale for $35 that I use when the weather gets bad. I can also go to the community center and walk for free on their walking track.   I have a lot more energy, which I need to keep up with the kids I teach and my grandkids. I have some issues, but with the help of the band, they're not driving me into the food.   God is good, all the time, All the time, God is good.   And I can do all things, through him who strengthens me.
ifyourstomachoffendsyou

ifyourstomachoffendsyou

1
 

10 minutes, 10 months, 10 years

Monday, September 14, 2009   10 minutes, 10 months, 10 years     Talked with my 7th grade girls group about the 10,10,10 principle, which is a way of helping you make decisions. We make decisions just about every moment and we need to ask ourselves what would the results be, good and bad, 10 minutes from now, 10 months from now, and 10 years from now.   I thought about how that applied to food and how something that looks good right now and would satisfy our craving right now (or maybe not) ends up cumulatively as weight gain 10 months down the road which 10 years down the road puts us on the path of high blood pressure, high, cholesterol, high blood sugar, and prone to heart disease, strokes, Alzheimers, breast and colon cancer, Dr.s' bills, food bills, wardrobe bills, loss of income from not being able to work as well or at all, shame, etc.,etc., etc.   Of course, for my kids, the consequences of bad decisions now, like just going outside and walking around at night in high risk neighborhoods, can be fatal. Told them I didn't want to be visiting their graves, or their jail cells, or them struggling to raise 3 babies from 3 different fathers.   None of them thinks any of that could ever happen to them, but they were almost all telling about dangerous situations with kids showing them guns, bangers trying to sweet talk them, predators trying to talk them into their vehicles, and they find it very exciting.   The part of their brain that foresees the potential consequences of their actions is not fully developed until the mid-20s, but stupid actions we all took when we were young didn't usually have the severe consequences that my 7th graders are more likely to experience. Some of these consequences for bad choices didn't exist. HIV, getting shot, crack cocaine, meth--its not like there weren't drugs available but they weren't so instantly addictive. Teenage pregnancy existed but it wasn't as widespread, nor was it an accepted way of life.   I'm hoping to give these kids a tool, 10-10-10 to get these kids to think beyond immediate gratification.   10 minutes from now, 10 months from now, 10 years from now. Puts things in perspective. For me, for them.  
ifyourstomachoffendsyou

ifyourstomachoffendsyou

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