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Gggrrrr

GRRRRR I am so argh today, must be pms....:cool2::cursing::laugh: HAPPY TURKEY DAY to all the americans out there. Christmas is comming and all the choccies are in the study saying eat me.......:angry:Going to take them to mums so I cant eat them before Christmas agian this year. I am just a moody bitch today and grr at anyone who looks sideways at me, this is so not me, give it a coulpe of hours and it will be tears, this is worse today because i will not succumb to the choccies to make things better, although i am sure husband will soon ram them down my throat to shut me up.... God what an awful whingee blog Sorry but today is just the pits. The next few weeks are really busy so this mood will go but ...... I know afew cans of d.coke and a bag of lindt balls would help but i am not doing that anymore and i've been for a walk so the world will have to put up with a p**sed off chooky for today, I will stay inside to limit the damage and not answer the phone. Still 99kg but even that does not lift me today. Sorry Chooky:cursing::ohmy::ohmy:
Chooky

Chooky

3
 

Friends

:thumbup:I know why I have been so blah>>>>>>> I miss all my best friend soooo much. Grease, chocolate and fish and chips and I go back a long way together, I miss the times we have shared at the beach or late at night in bed together and my new friends protien shake and tuna with its bestfriend white sauce just don't understand me:lol: Gone are the Friday nights with my 11 best friends (tim tams) laying in thier pack ready to share my crappy day and my bar of fruit and nut ready wrap me up in it's comforting hug and I can't settle to anything else to replace it.. This will sound really crazy now, I know as i'm writing it even, but I feel like someone has died somehow berefit and unable to shake that feeling of just lonliness. This is plain pathetic over a bar of chocolate and I will have to smack myself and get out more . But after of what really amounts to a lifetime of having these crutches to suport myself I'm beginning to find it very hard not to have them anymore. OLD HABITS DIE HARD So after 8 weeks even though i had read heaps, researched what I was doing and spoken to others who had already had the band I am now glimpsing that this is really it..... I dont regret this at all but the support is some what lacking here at home at the moment :frown:and my old friends can't come over to play at my house anymore and if tuna knocks on the door tonight I will have to set the dogs on her.....:biggrin: Cheers Chooky
Chooky

Chooky

3
 

Fill week

:laugh:Why is the week leading up to the fill the hardest????? Of course I know why, but it's a hard few days to get through. Really I find myself smelling bakeries and bbq's that last week never bothered me and I can feel myself picking at things that last week I wouldn't of touched. So I really struggle with the last couple of day's. Any idea's guy's to help combat this???? Cheers Chooky:thumbup:
Chooky

Chooky

3
 

Exhuasted

:cursing:EXHAUSTED..... No I haven't been slogging it out at the gym or running a marathon, it's pathetic really.... I was doing the afternoon kids sports run around. Finally they are ironed and put away for the night, so I'm hiding from the washing and the dish's hoping the faries will magically do it for me:biggrin: It's alright I'm not that delusional yet. Big question and I would love some feedback on htis one:thumbup: Party at a Chinese saturday night!!! What will I eat???? It will be the ususal chopsticks at dawn over the plum duck and don't get in the way over the prawn toasts or you could lose an eye out there:crying: But what about me? No way am I going to food bullied into trying this stuff, cos I can just imagine how that will end:drool: so I am thinking soup of somesort... But how to make it last as long as everybody else??? any idea's??? HELP Cheeers Chooky
Chooky

Chooky

2
 

Down days

Been having a couple of down day's... Went to a real live support group yesterday , but it was over run by one person who wouldn't let anyone else talk or if they did she could top it or just took over and I feel a heap better on this site with you guy's than that so.... Been reading everybodies blogs and feel lots better cheers chooky:thumbup:
Chooky

Chooky

1
 

dark days

O.K I have not posted for some time now and have to say I hope this helps as it has done in the past for me. Oh god i need some help right now. Am really struggling with a lot of things going on in my life at the moment and my one truest and oldest friend of all has come knocking, actually both of them have. Depression and my bestest buddy in the whole wide world FOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDD. What is wrong with me???? This moodsettles over me like a big dark cloud and nothing shakes it,well something must cos it comes and goes but this time it's bad. I have a fill tomorrow but for what???? Igotto goaldid the ttuck, got the cthes holiday and all the other stuff but the peace withmyself??? no. I dont thinkI ever will, my head is just whirringall the time, non stop and it is exhausting. I actually feel like ihave absolutly nothing, nothing at all worth doing at the moment, work , kids house nothing, would just like to stay inbed and wait this out insteadof carrying on outwardly while falling apart slowly inwardly, Is it the best bit or the worst bit that nobody even knows??? The thought of work, school run,footy, dancing getting up is exhaustingand i dont think i can keep this up, i would love a few days by myself i thinkjust to get through the next few days of this and then i'll beright agian, Sposed to be going to a concert saturday night but its caouple of hours drive there and then back again, soo I am sposed to start work early sat arrange baby sitters got to work sunday, act as if i am married to hubsand of the year and go but the thought of it all is horrendous all i can think of is icould be inbed. Just go to bed cause another huge row over what is sposed to bea thoughtful gift but in reality is dreaded, and 2 hours in the car there and then back and work and I cant do it. I really just want all the responsibility taken away for a couple of days and all i want is the bed and to sleep. chooky
Chooky

Chooky

3
 

Choccy choc choc

:cursing:Today has been declared the day I threw chocolate in the bin.... I gotten all comy gunna watch a movie & suddenly remebered there is choc in the house. Got up and grabbed it & stuffed a few bits in & started to chew before I thought:scared2: & I still cant believe it I spat it out , then threw the rest in the bin & poured some old gravy on it so I wouldn't get it out. Grabbed the kids and took the fluffy one for a play in the park. cant believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now its much later andI would sell my soul for that same chocolate but I do belive I am a little prouder feeling:smile2: Must of started at the movies and chinese last night . Hubby & I would of gone to town ordering 3 or 4 dish'es each and then hit the candy bar later, but I had soup he had a curry and at the movies I had a small skim hot choc and he had a d.coke, so the bingey thing was creeping around but looking at it now I think is this how "normal people live?" because for the first time ever I didn't feel gross and fooded out and we only spen a 1/4 of we would of normally spent. I think I am in shock really because it feels good. Except I think half the people in the cafe were looking and thinking they must have a takeaway order comming, back up the trailer boy's it s a big one. Well :tt2:to all of them I walked tall for the first time I can remember and had a great nite too. Cheers to everyone Chooky:thumbup:
Chooky

Chooky

6
 

Chat room trouble

CHAT ROOM?????? WHAT'S UP WITH IT? I have logged on logged off logged on & still no chatty chat for Chooky:cursing: Any idea's. Is it just me?:blushing: HELP PLEASE< ANY IDEA'S CHEERS CHOOKY:thumbup:
Chooky

Chooky

4
 

Chat room

Is anybody else having problem's with the chatroom? All of a sudden it won't load for me Help..... cheers chooky
Chooky

Chooky

6
 

Broke it

:biggrin::biggrin::thumbup:99.6kgs today.. Broke that barrier with 5 weeks to spare. Normally I would celebrate by pigging out, but not anymore!!!!!!!:drool: That's 33kg gone.... woo hoo. Not far to go.... I keep jumping up and down. Cheers Chooky
Chooky

Chooky

2
 

Blah day

:confused:Wow blah days sux don't they. I think the problem is before I could of changed a blah day with a lovely pig out of toast and butter or bacon sandwiches and now my old friends have the building so to speak I am on my own. What to replace these friends of food with??? Don't think I haven't got real friends, I have its just sometimes the food friend was the better one and I s'pose the friendships are changing now as we are not getting together to have a binge. The house is clean and tidy the dogs are walked and the chooks are fed..... so what to do now.....???? I can bake now because I don't live with the cake calling me and saying eat me, eat me until its all gone. But geez this blah thing is yuk..:thumbup: Right I am going to go and jump up and down for a minute and turn the music up and run around and shake this mood:w00t: If that doesn't work I'll make some pies for the lunch box'es and do the damm ironing. This blog has just been a whinge but I feel better for it:redface: Cheers Chooky
Chooky

Chooky

4
 

Big fat cheater

HA HA People are starting to notice that I have lost weight, which has been nice and I am finally after all these years acceptting the compliments.:thumbup:Un til today at the gym one of the other members commented that I was looking like I had lost wieght, when one of the instructors butted in and siad " eh but she doesn't have work at it like you though cos shes been banded so its just the cheats way":cursing: This woman then went "oh how dissappointing for you"!!!!!!! WHAT THE??????:eek: Finally accepted this is not the easy way only to have ones nose rubbed in it. I really wanted to either scream "Oh F***** off" or just leave, instead i was very grown up and finished my work out put in a formal compliant about member confidentiallity and left thinking well my ass may be bigger than yours but my mouth certianly isn't!!!!!:wink: Would the general public judge people with other addictions like this? or would they have a bit more empathy and think good on you? Cheers Chooky
Chooky

Chooky

5
 

Another day another ?????

Happy now cause I managed to get into the chatroom and have a laugh with everyone, it's nice at the end of the day to do that. Still school holidays and they are beginning to turn a little ferral here and need to get back to the class rooms. I think we are just running out of stuff to do and we are all getting sick of the sight of eachother at the moment. It's pouring down so they have gone off to make a tent in number 1s bedroom, i fear for the linen cupboard. ( OMG that mean's I will have to refer to my girl as number 2)( not good).:thumbup: I seem to have lost interest in food. Who would believe that!!!!:thumbup: I think it's like.... I can't have lots of toast and butter and honey for breakkie so why bother at all...:blushing: this is just another phase I hope and it will pass as the others have. Must be just a bit blah today, must of stayed up 2 late in chatroom:lol: Cheers Chooky
Chooky

Chooky

1
 

Ab bra ca dab bra

So I booked the tummy tuck and thats all fine and am happy with the decision until i dream repeatedly that i am in a magicicans show and am in one of those box'es where they saw you in half:sad::thumbup: It's not like I will cancel it or anything but....... geez Cheers Chooky
Chooky

Chooky

1
 

5 Weeks

Five week's already post, It's gone v.quick, considering I was counting down the day's till I went ahead with everything. All the biuld up to surgery and now I've had my first fill which resulted in almost chucking on the nurse:eek: and comming home to drag the blender back out for soup, soup, soup. For some reason and this is being v.honest I thought the weight loss would of been a bit quicker, so far 10kg and a holiday in 12 weeks where swimming is a must , no hiding allowed. Feel calmer about that though as I know I'm not just rushing this for the bather's it's forever, but I will still be huge and I can't where a sign saying "But I have lost weight":redface: The food thing is ok, although today I really wanted bread, a great big slice, toasted with butter and nutella and a diet coke..... That's another thing no d.coke for 5 week's now, this comming from someone who could easily drink a carton a day and never left the house without one no matter how quick the trip was. I can devide my little world into two groups now, those who think you weight loss cheater and those who think I'm never hungry, physically no I guess I'm not, but mentally.... where's the toaster:tongue: Freindships are changing and that's why I find myself here tapping away to the world I guess. A couple of friends have been on all the same mad diets and binges with me, now I have had this lap thing put in and zap I no longer have any issues to contend with and realise they are not going to accept this. Other's are dying to take me to the skinny shop for a makeover (not allowed in before-2fat). I 'm beginning to realise that these 2 groups never really mixed with each other either. B is trying to be supportive and is doing his best I will give him that, but can't really grasp how anyone could do this to themselves, I mean give up steak, are you kidding me? I 'll admit I could really just about lick a cow right now but ..... Anyway it's not all a downer that just all came out from who know's where. I feel very detoxed and have no food hangover's to deal with every morning and retrainning myself in everyday things, like going to the beach for a ride and a play with the kids is that. Not how quick can I get them off the swings and into the fish and chip shop or the icecream place for waffle's and a take home pack not to share . The dog's are losing wieght too. Anyway I think I 'm going to have to lick a cow now or at least chase it around the paddock Cheers:tt2:
Chooky

Chooky

1
 

100

Went for fill yesterday and had the weigh in and it was a flat 100kg!!!! Not 99.9 noooo 100, the nurse said take your pants off , go on, But I didn't because thats just going back to all those mind games that I promised myself I wouln't resort to with the lapband:mellow:I know it says 99 in the mornings so...... It was still dissappointing though. We are going to turn the Christmas lights on tonight and have a bbq, but the next couple of weeks while school finishs up is just pack ed with play's, carol nites, nativity nite (please supply beard) presentaion nite ( please supply pirate custume???) dance concerts and birthdays, plus i have to remember the dog needs her christmas shave and hopefully fit mine in too.:thumbup: So back on liquids for a couple of days now so that should definatley put it under 100 all the time. Off to shop for guinea pigs and drop b1 and b2 at school. Have a great day Cheers Chooky:thumbup:
Chooky

Chooky

3
 

????????????

:confused:Where do the days go??????? It's been just over 8 weeks now since I was banded and 2 fills. Now have about 4ml in band and am back on clear stuff again. It's made me realise hoe far you come in those 4 weeks, Thursday night I was eating chicken and veges and today I am having a shake and very slowly at that. The worst bit is the kids and hasband have just had a hotdig each and are now chowing down on one of Betty Crockers finest. (Deluxe m&m cake with frosting):thumbup: The worst bit is my little girl told the girl at the shop my mum can't eat this cake because the doctor cut holes in her tummy and now she has little plates and lot's of coffee,dad wants her to get a bikini. Welll... the girl thought she said zucchini and did the call out thing got some brought over and now i have 6 of the damm things in the fridge residing next to betty bloody crockers cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:biggrin: Went back to the gym last week and that felt good, noticed i didn't have the biggest bum in the place anymore which I know I shouldn't count but if I'm honest it felt good actually. Well i'm going to take a bath and google some zucchini receipes that will thrill all the residents in this house..(not) Cheers Chooky
Chooky

Chooky

3
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