So, it is day 1 of my 2 week pre-op diet and I have got so many things going on in my head. I am hungry... both head and real hunger. I have never enjoyed that hungry feeling and I am doing a decent job reminding me that even though it feels totally wrong, being hungry is good for me these 2 weeks. I had my protein shake for breakfast (vanilla isopure with berries and water), an orange, and then a protein shake for lunch (vanilla isopure with SF lemon jello pudding mix). I just got home from school completely ravenous so I had a reduced fat string cheese and now I am thinking I may have the whites of 2 hard boiled eggs. The yolks are just way way too bad... so much fat! That will leave me still with 736 calories for dinner. I am going to have chicken with vegetables and maybe some rice which should get me right around my calorie goal. I wasn't feeling too good, but now I am looking at my day so far and feeling really successful. I just keep thinking of the consequences if I don't work these 2 weeks completely. I want the lap band, I want this change. I am deciding, no one is forcing me... this is the choice that will get me the life a want!
So I visited my regular doc today and she was so much cooler than I thought she was gonna be. Everyone has been really supported (everyone that I have told that is, which isn;t many). I know it is such a good thing, but then it also makes me think, "wow, okay, so how long has everyone been thinking I am an obese mess?" But then I know, probably not nearly as long as I have been thinking this about myself. Anyway, the medical records are sent to the surgeons office, should take about a week to get all there and in my packet and stuff. Then another 3 days the office staff said it would take them to highlight and prepare the insurance stuff. Then anywhere from 2-12 weeks until I hear a yes or a no. Please please please, if anyone is reading this hope, pray, cross your fingers, etc. for my approval. I am ready to get on with this. I am working on it on my own now with working out and trying to stay in control with eating, but I could really use this tool so I don't drive myself crazy. I don't have a whole lot to do this summer and I am sure others can relate-sitting around in an empty house is not the best medicine for weight loss. I would go for a walk with the doggies, but oh wait it is only 110 degrees out there, hah. I have been singing and dancing around the house. I am just waiting waiting waiting. I make lists almost everyday as to why I want this and what my life would be like losing weight. I recently rubbed a hole in the inner thigh area of my work pants and my next shift was only 3 days laway. Of course there are no big lady stores in my area that are currently carrying khaki pants appropriate for my unifrom. I had to pay old navy $20 extra to get pants in time. Then they were still too long. What a bummer! This was a really nervous situation for me and I hate to say it, but I had an exrteme breakdown in front of my beautiful boyfriend who is training to be a fire fighter and is just about as healthy as they come. He was so great and he even offered to pay for the $20 shipping so I wouldn't be so sad. It is the most frustrating kind of sad because I know I am the one who continues to make myself awfully distressed. Luckily it worked out...this time. How much easier would it have been though to just go to the mall and grab some new work pants and a cute summer dress just for kicks haha. I never want to spend another summer in Tucson at this high of a weight. It is just too damn hot here. I really want to work at my boyfriend's aunt's summer camp up in Wisconsin next summer. Swimming, camping, skiiing, boating...all sounds a lot better under the plus sizes, right? Have I pled my case enough, haha...are you crossing your fingers for me yet? Well I guess thats it. I know I am just at the base of this mountain I will climb for the rest of my life and it is only going to get harder before it gets easier. But i gotta start somewhere. I can use as much support as possible though! I have hit so many lows, now it is time for some more highs!
So I went to my consultation with Dr. Schwartz on Monday morning and it went pretty well. I have completely decided that this is my time to make a change. The lap band will be a great tool for me. I need to stay inspired to change though and I am hoping that LBT will really help with that part. My boyfriend says he is going to help me with working out and making sure to stay very diligent. We are going to make sure to photograph all of the various stages so that I can realize what a drastic change I am making. The changes that I have seen everyone making here have given me the strength to know that I can do this too. Next up I have some steps to take for insurance approval. I have United and whast the doctor says that they are requiring is a note of medical necessity from my PCP, my medical records of weight for the last 5 years, the psychological evaluation, and my most recent blood work. I have scheduled my appointment with my PCP which is on 7/22. Seems like a long time to wait to me, but my doctor's office is sort of a pain. My doctor is very, "you can just do it one your own," so I actually think this could be the most difficult step. I have called my doctor previously to get medical records and I just need to go in and fill out some paperwork. I don't know whether I am supposed to send the stuff to the surgeons office or keep it myself? The surgeon uses a specific psychologist that does not accept insurance payments and it is $150 for the visit. I can go to a different one, but he says it may really save me some time this way. This entire process is just a little confusing still. I do not have to do a pre-op diet except for the week before which is a protein shake for breakfast, one for lunch and a dinner that is 1000 cal or less.
I guess the hardest thing for me right now is just to try and still eat well. I really have been doing a great job at least maintaining my weight this past year. I lost about 15lbs at the beginning of 2009 and have kept it off, which is abnormal given my past 5 year trend. But now I am just trying not to let myself get the whole idea of eating my last meals that I will never have again. I mean I don't even have a surgery date yet so this could be a really scary thing since it could be months and months until I get approved and get banded. I would love to start losing weight now and that would just be a bonus and then a tool with the lap band just when I need it. I guess I do want to have a few things that I will be missing, but lets not get out of control considering it is not all systems go yet. I was d=following Dr. Ian Smith's 4 day diet and really feeling great so maybe I will do that for the time being as best as I possibly can. It would be nice if I could get down another 20-30lbs before my lap band. You know...get the ball rolling!
Okay, so my name is Kamie and I am in Tucson, AZ. I live with my boyfriend of four years and my younger sister. I have been overweight for about as long as I can remember, but I gained about 80% of my unwanted weight during the last 4 years of college. I am now at 265lbs which is actually about 20lbs less than what I thought from awhile ago. Since I am only 5'2'' this puts me at a very high BMI number of 46.8! That is really scary to me and has led me to the option of Lap Band Surgery. I have tried and tried at everything I can think of. I have done weight watchers, weight watchers online, personal training, nutritionist, the 4-day diet, LA weightloss. I usually lose substantial weight and then I miss a meeting or a payment or I overeat...you know how it goes.
The things that have brought me to this crucial moment are recent changes based on my weight gain. I can't shop at regular stores anymore...I hate shopping online and don't find clothes that fit my style at the "plus size" stores. I wear out my bras and underwear more quickly than ever. I am having trouble being active at all anymore. I am usually tired. I feel left out of society. My dad just recently had a heart scare at the age of 51.
Needless today I am ready for a change. I want to be healthy and find a better way of life. More than anything in the world I want to stop my osession and constant thought of food. I know that the Lap Band is only a tool here and I hope to find others along the way.
Well, I have my consultation with the surgeon on Monday, so 4 more days. I will keep you posted!