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What Have I Done to Myself?

I thought I was going to be the one to lose 100 lbs in a year with hard work of course. I had these dreams of being healthy and smaller. As the days have passed since surgery, I'm beginning to wonder if I would reach these dreams with the band.   For the first few days, I could not really tell I had had surgery. I was sore, but otherwise "normal".   For the past three days (including now) I have developed spasms in my esophagus. They are painful and are happening frequently. Now I've graduated to a whole new problem, spasms with sudden urges to vomit.   I cannot describe how painful this is or how suddenly it happens. I've had 3 episodes in the last 12 hours. Yes, I have called the surgeons office and have been told my body is adjusting. So, how can it adjust this way?!?   The spasms begin in my chest, go up to my throat and cause an immense pain in my esophagus with an added bonus of a pain that radiates to my forehead and top of my head. It lasts a few seconds, takes my breath away and makes me wonder what I have done to myself with every one of them I get.   The progression of these spasms took me by surprise. I was standing in the bathroom yesterday about to take a shower when I suddenly began to salivate excessively and within seconds felt like I was going to vomit (which terrified me). I would have a spasm and feel the need to vomit but could only manage small releases of air. The spasms would clamp down so hard on my esophagus and cause so much pain. It seemed to pass only to leave me breaking out into a cold sweat. I went to lay down and it happened again within 15 minutes. I called the surgeons office AGAIN and was told to stay on top of my pain with the spasms and to take the anti nausea that it doesn't sound out of the ordinary and are possibly due to the hernia repair done while being banded.   I just awoke from the couch with a spasm. As I took even more pain meds, I began to have another vomiting attack. I'm having the spasms/attacks even when I have not had anything to drink in hours and have recently awoken from the drug induced sleep I put myself into.   I have yet to find anything online or in the boards that sound exactly like what I'm having and it's progressively getting worse.   I would be A-OK if not for these spasms.   So again, I'm asking what did I do to myself? How long do I have to suffer in order to see the benefits of my decision? I'm so afraid now that the band will have to be taken out, that my body doesn't like it. I can't take these spasms/vomiting episodes. They're not worth it to keep the band. There's 17k down the drain plus another for the removal. This sucks, truly.
emmylou

emmylou

2
 

To Smoke or NOT to Smoke

I began Chantix to stop smoking this past Monday 7-20. The pills can have side effects like crazy dreams, suicidal thoughts, depression, etc. I've been feeling down that last few days and want to contribute my feelings to the pills. I would love it if they actually make not smoking easier. Quit date is supposed to be 7-28, here's hoping I stay on this band wagon as well! I have been having weird thoughts, not suicidal ones. These poll type questions pop into my mind. One that keeps playing is "If you found yourself suddenly single (whether married or dating) would you go right out and start dating again?" My answer to myself was yes, but for sex only. lol No rolling around in misery for me, just give me no strings attached sex to drown my sorrows.   I've been up since 4am and couldn't go back to sleep. It's now 15 minutes before I would normally get up and NOW I feel sleepy again.   Purees are cool. I thought they would be gross, but they taste the same as if I were chewing stuff up. The processor just saves me the time of actually chewing it up. lol I'm now afraid that I'm eating too much. If the food is liquidy, it seems I could keep on eating forever if I wanted. I'm eating when hungry and until I'm not hungry. I'm not sure what full feels like and am not sure if I wanna find out. If I eat hummus it seems to stick to my ribs and keep me satisfied for a while, which I like. So, is satisfied the new full?
emmylou

emmylou

1
 

The Belly Has Awoken

In the middle of not having the ability to get burps out, my belly started to gurgle.   I'm starting to get hungry again! :biggrin: I had hoped to not get hungry for at least a week as they had said, but it has started.   The belly soreness isn't so bad today, but I'm still placing ice packs across to reduce swelling and it seems to help.   I'm upset that I'm feeling hunger though...crap!
emmylou

emmylou

1
 

Stoned...Puree Drunk

Ahhhhh, groovy man........   I wasn't supposed to start purees until tomorrow, but I thought 12 hours won't make that big of a difference right?   I became a puree machine this evening. I've got mashed potatoes, tuna salad, egg salad, green beans, and hummus. Weird collection, but hey what can I say? I did my eating by tasting the purees as I made them and then waiting to see what happened. Man it was awesome after a month of liquids........heaven. I don't know why I was so apprehensive about beginning purees as far as being in pain or causing damage. I stopped when I wasn't hungry, but I wasn't by any means full either.   Right now, I'm blissfully NOT HUNGRY for the first time in a month. I swear to you that I started to feel a little dizzy and just happy after cleaning up my processor. I just wonder if it has anything to do with me starting Chantix (to stop smoking) today? I'm feeling no pain and am actually a little drowsy, ahhhhhhh, I feel relaxed and well.   Let's see what happens tomorrow....:thumbup:
emmylou

emmylou

2
 

Sorta Rough Night and Weird Sensations

Couldn't get comfortable on the couch and kept waking up to take more pain meds. I slept though. No nausea thank goodness. Had my first shake this morning with pain meds to coat my stomach. I fell asleep on the couch on my side and when I woke I was having weird pain/sensation in my sinuses and head when I would breathe in. Very weird. I'm taking Gas-X for gastro rumblings and am experiencing occasional trapped burps I guess under the band. The trapped burp feels weird and could be painful I guess but goes as fast as it comes.   I'm about to take a shower and remove the bandages to see what's going on under there.   My mid section is sore and I'm betting my port is on my left side from the pain there. I think I may take some more pain meds before getting in the shower just in case I move around too much.
emmylou

emmylou

1
 

Operation Day Story 07/07/09

I reckon I'll post this later in the surgery day stories, but thought I should document now as I tend to forget stuff.   Got up, showered, and got to the surgical center at about 10 till 6am. Checked in and was in the back changing by 6:15. My husand sat with me and tried to reassure me that everything would be fine. I was very nervous, but ok.   My nurse was really nice and explained what she was going to do and had me fill out a few forms. She then gave me two Oxycontin extended release (sp?) pills to take along with a Celebrex tablet. She had some trouble getting the IV into my right hand and then tried the left. It appears that even though I've been driking liquids for the last two weeks, I was slightly dehydrated today. She gave me a heperin (sp?) type injection into my lower stomach. The needle didn't hurt but the injection did sting for a few minutes after. One of the anestesia doctors came in and got the IV in on my right forearm and proceeded to get the juices and anti-nausea meds going.   Shortly after getting my IV, I heard a lady across from my cubby explaining that she has a fear of needles to the nurses. She began to hyperventilate as they tried to numb her for the IV. A few other nurses voices could be heard trying to calm her down and allowed her to recover before their second try. I knew when they went in for the second try too. You would have thought the lady was having intimate relations! It was a welcome distraction for me anyway though I felt for her and she was fine.     Around 7:20am I was given two injections through the IV to calm me and the PA and surgeon stopped in to see how I was. Shortly after I had to tell my husband goodbye and they wheeled me back to the OR. I don't remember exactly whether they had me jump tables or not. I remember having my arms outstretched and a mask placed over my face and told to breathe deep a few times. I think the 3rd breath took me out.   Next thing I know I'm waking up and a nice lady is talking to me. I was a little sleepy but more alert than I had anticipated that I would be. I could open my eyes easily and smile and ask questions. The only pain I was having was in my actual stomach, kinda low. I would rate the pain at a 5, but the nurse hooked me up with more meds and it became a 2. The other weird thing was that it seemed that my stomach muscles were trying to contract as if I was doing sit ups or something. I would notice pain and then realize that the muscles were contracted and ask my body to cool it! LOL I also had slight pain in my shoulders from time to time.   I asked the nurse about how everything went and how I did. She said everything was excellent. I asked how many incisions and was told 5. I was somewhat upset at this since I had hoped for a max of three. Once I was pretty well alert they rolled me to the next area. I asked for some ice and water. They brought me slightly warm water and ice chips. My mouth and lips were dry. I was then offered a popcicle and I took it with pleasure. I had no discomfort or restriction with drinking. I was pleasantly surprised that I have been able to continue to drink just fine at home too.   In the second recovery area, my only requirements were to be able to drink, walk, and pee. Within 1/2 hour I did all three and was on my way home. The drive home was fine as I only live about 5 miles from the surgical center.   I felt sleepy, but I haven't been able to really sleep. I've been sitting on the couch propped up and then getting up to walk around. I felt as if I could go walk around about anywhere until around 6:30pm. I'm having terrible cotton mouth and throat though, but it seems to be subsiding. Sucking on my chewable multivitamin and chocolate calcium supplement have helped with the swelling/dryness it seems. My cheeks were sticking to my teeth! Very strange!   The good stuff has worn off and now I'm kinda sore. It's muscle type of soreness in the middle of my stomach. As much as I didn't wanna, I took some liquid Lortab to see if it would take me back to the nice comfort level I was having.   I've been sucking on Fruit2o and Diet Snapple. I have taken the acid reducer pill thingie too and have not had any problems so far. I was soooooooo afraid to be sick to my stomach, I cannot take nausea. I have anti nausea melti pills, but have not needed them. I feel better knowing they're there though.   Until 6:00pm or so, I began to wonder if there was anything behind the bandages or around my stomach.
emmylou

emmylou

5
 

On The Fast Track to Lap Band Surgery

I wanted to get the lap band surgery over two years ago and wish like hell that I had. The insurance I had at the time would have covered it.   Now, I'm a self pay via credit card. My insurance will not cover the surgery. I have been able to get them to pay for all of my preop tests (sleep study, barium swallow, blood work, etc.)   Anyway, I started checking out surgeons in my area in April 2009. I started the process and have completed all of the tests. I would have had surgery earlier this month but had work conflicts.   I'm now scheduled to have the band installed on July 7, 2009.   I'm on the pre op liquids phase which has been "fun". I keep visualizing myself thin and healthy. I keep telling myself that I won't have to drink liquids the rest of my life and that this period will be over as quickly as possible.   My fears: Not waking up from surgery, waking DURING surgery lol, and being in a lot of pain afterwards or having trouble with keeping the band down the road.
emmylou

emmylou

1
 

Hi, my name is Em and I'm a food addict....

Apparently I am either a food addict or a person who just cannot stand being ravenous. I think it may be a bit of both. I started the 14 liquids last Tues. and fell off of the wagon somewhat this weekend due to hunger and being emotional due to being ravenous. I was completely unable to concentrate Friday and began having second thoughts about getting the band vs the sleeve (after reading some posts here about whether you regretted getting the band over the sleeve. I then proceeded to have an emotional breakdown pity party that continued into the weekend. I convinced myself that I am torturing myself and wondering if it will be worth it. I decided that if you wanted to torture a prisoner or terrorist, give them a liquid regimen. They'll crack. I was never so happy to have lettuce in all of my life. It was crunch heaven! I'm jealous of those who do not have to do pre op liquids though I'm told I have to do it "for my own safety". So now I will be back on liquids again tomorrow for the remaining 8 pre op days. I don't care how crazy I get from hunger or how badly I break down, this is the final stretch. This is it. I believe that once the surgery is over and I'm no longer in pain, I will be fine and successful. Now I have new fears that I had not thought about prior to reading the band vs sleeve posts: Having ANY trouble with the band system (ie flipped port, leaking ANYWHERE, band failure, anything etc) It didn't hit me that this would need lifelong mechanical maintenance and possible replacement in the future, who knows? My husband was laid off last Monday. Perfect timing since I had completed all of the pre op testing on his insurance and now the rest is the self pay portion package which includes two years of post op fills and stuff. As long as nothing goes wrong after surgery or EVER with the band, it should be smooth sailing. Right? Logically I know this liquid thing isn't torture, but my addict side says it is. :cool:
emmylou

emmylou

6
 

First Hours Post Op - So Far So Good

I reckon I'll post this later in the surgery day stories, but thought I should document now as I tend to forget stuff.   Got up, showered, and got to the surgical center at about 10 till 6am. Checked in and was in the back changing by 6:15. My husand sat with me and tried to reassure me that everything would be fine. I was very nervous, but ok.   My nurse was really nice and explained what she was going to do and had me fill out a few forms. She then gave me two Oxycontin extended release (sp?) pills to take along with a Celebrex tablet. She had some trouble getting the IV into my right hand and then tried the left. It appears that even though I've been driking liquids for the last two weeks, I was slightly dehydrated today. She gave me a heperin (sp?) type injection into my lower stomach. The needle didn't hurt but the injection did sting for a few minutes after. One of the anestesia doctors came in and got the IV in on my right forearm and proceeded to get the juices and anti-nausea meds going.   Shortly after getting my IV, I heard a lady across from my cubby explaining that she has a fear of needles to the nurses. She began to hyperventilate as they tried to numb her for the IV. A few other nurses voices could be heard trying to calm her down and allowed her to recover before their second try. I knew when they went in for the second try too. You would have thought the lady was having intimate relations! It was a welcome distraction for me anyway though I felt for her and she was fine.     Around 7:20am I was given two injections through the IV to calm me and the PA and surgeon stopped in to see how I was. Shortly after I had to tell my husband goodbye and they wheeled me back to the OR. I don't remember exactly whether they had me jump tables or not. I remember having my arms outstretched and a mask placed over my face and told to breathe deep a few times. I think the 3rd breath took me out.   Next thing I know I'm waking up and a nice lady is talking to me. I was a little sleepy but more alert than I had anticipated that I would be. I could open my eyes easily and smile and ask questions. The only pain I was having was in my actual stomach, kinda low. I would rate the pain at a 5, but the nurse hooked me up with more meds and it became a 2. The other weird thing was that it seemed that my stomach muscles were trying to contract as if I was doing sit ups or something. I would notice pain and then realize that the muscles were contracted and ask my body to cool it! LOL I also had slight pain in my shoulders from time to time.   I asked the nurse about how everything went and how I did. She said everything was excellent. I asked how many incisions and was told 5. I was somewhat upset at this since I had hoped for a max of three. Once I was pretty well alert they rolled me to the next area. I asked for some ice and water. They brought me slightly warm water and ice chips. My mouth and lips were dry. I was then offered a popcicle and I took it with pleasure. I had no discomfort or restriction with drinking. I was pleasantly surprised that I have been able to continue to drink just fine at home too.   In the second recovery area, my only requirements were to be able to drink, walk, and pee. Within 1/2 hour I did all three and was on my way home. The drive home was fine as I only live about 5 miles from the surgical center.   I felt sleepy, but I haven't been able to really sleep. I've been sitting on the couch propped up and then getting up to walk around. I felt as if I could go walk around about anywhere until around 6:30pm. I'm having terrible cotton mouth and throat though, but it seems to be subsiding. Sucking on my chewable multivitamin and chocolate calcium supplement have helped with the swelling/dryness it seems. My cheeks were sticking to my teeth! Very strange!   The good stuff has worn off and now I'm kinda sore. It's muscle type of soreness in the middle of my stomach. As much as I didn't wanna, I took some liquid Lortab to see if it would take me back to the nice comfort level I was having.   I've been sucking on H20 and Diet Snapple. I have taken the acid reducer pill thingie too and have not had any problems so far. I was soooooooo afraid to be sick to my stomach, I cannot take nausea. I have anti nausea melti pills, but have not needed them. I feel better knowing they're there though.   Until 6:00pm or so, I began to wonder if there was anything behind the bandages or around my stomach.
emmylou

emmylou

0
 

Down to the Wire and Ready for it to be DONE

Two days, two day, two days.....I'm set to be in surgery bright and early Tuesday morning. I'm nervous but ready for it to be over with already.   I'm sooo ready for the liquids to be over even though I'll have two more weeks of it. I'm just hoping to NOT be hungry during the post op liquids.   I watch TV and find myself salivating during commercials. EVERYTHING looks like it would just taste like heaven.   Anyway, I'm sure my anxiety levels will increase as Tuesday morning comes around, but as of now I'm ready for it to be done.
emmylou

emmylou

1
 

Alright, I'm OK. I think. :)

I have progressed nicely since my last post.   I'm no longer having spasms (thank someone!) I've had regular BM's lol I've had great sex! lolol My incisions look good. I'm able to burp without pain. My hunger has returned.   I feel almost "normal" and it's pretty interesting. Every day I feel a little better as far as my incision soreness goes. I'm able to walk at a normal speed, etc.   I had my post op on Thursday. I got neat ass pictures of them placing the band and fixing the hernia. I really dig this stuff and watch all the medical shows. This is stuff you would never see otherwise in your life....I think it's pretty cool. I was told my liver had shrunk nicely and looked pretty good (even though I had cheated a couple of times). I had lost 13lbs since my preop which was only 5 days prior to surgery.   My ticker is going by my pre preop liquids diet weight. I was 287 before I started liquids on June 23. I weighed 269 on 7/16. My highest weight ever was 297. I had spent the last few months prior to preop liquids having many last meals and probably gained 15lbs! I start puress next Tuesday, but did experiment today. My first puree was fries and ketchup! LMAO I had MAYBE a tablespoon. I'm still too gun shy about putting stuff in there AND I wanna wait until I'm officially released to have mushies. OMG was it delish!!!! Ahhhhhh.   I'm now planning a mushie celebration for Tuesday. I'm getting the chopped steak from Fuddrucker's, loading it up with spicy mustard and mayo and puttin' that baby in for processing! I'm sooooooooooooooooo excited. Yeah, I know it'll be loaded with fat and yucky, but my tastebuds are screaming for it. I will move on to my healthier options and be happy, but for some reason, I think I need it for now.   I'm not obsessed with my weight right now. I'm more focused on healing. If I lose weight, great, but I'm not gonna kill myself if I don't. I will continue on a very low carb, high protien diet and hope for the best until I'm released to start fully exercising again. I just have a feeling that I'm gonna be kickin' ass and taking names 4 weeks from now. As long as my band does what it's supposed to do (and not malfunction in ANY WAY), I'll be doing what I'm supposed to do.   I'm glad I sucked it up and toughed it out with the spasms, that was the worst of it all for me so far.   I'm now excited about what's to come. :thumbup:
emmylou

emmylou

1
 

8 Weeks Post Op, First Fill Experience

Alright. I've started going back to Curves. I continue to lose weight.   Right after my last post mentioning that I wasn't going to get a fill right then, my mojo left and I realized I needed to get one. LOL It was very interesting since the feeling of satiety to hunger without long term satiety literally came overnight. So, I waited until my appt. today to have it done.   First fill wasn't as bad as I thought it "could" be. It was pretty straight forward and quick. I had to lie flat on a table, she got everything ready, felt for the port and asked me to raise both of my legs as she pushed the needle in. She got it dead on. I didn't feel anything after the initial poke (which wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, kinda a little more than the poke for giving blood). I still had the needle in there as they did a quick barium swallow to check everything out. I love watching that stuff. My band and pouch looked just fine. She then had me drink some water to see how it felt. I believe I have around 3ccs in there as she said it appears that I already had 1 cc. The water went down fine, though it seemed to back up a little if I drank quickly.   She then pulled it out while I was standing (you could opt for either lying or standing). It didn't hurt but was weird to have her twist that sucker outta there! Once that needle is in that port, that sucker is in! LOLOL   Depending on which side you speak to, I've lost 25-34lbs to date. I'm feeling well. I will be getting another fill in two weeks and hope that maybe I'll find myself in the green zone and experience what I was feeling before as far as long term satiety.
emmylou

emmylou

1
 

6 Weeks Post Op

Tomorrow I'll be six weeks post op. I started going back to Curves today and did everything slowly and carefully as to test whether I would dislodge anything. Nope, still intact as far as I know. :cursing:   I lost 7 lbs from 7-30 to 8-10 even being on soft chew which was interesting but hey I'm not complaining.   I opted not to get a fill and the psych lady disagreed with my decision but the PA was like do as you like! I'm eating until I'm not hungry and feeling ok with it. I may get a small fill just to say I did? :thumbup:   I'm fitting nicely into clothes I bought, wore, and quickly grew out of the last time I lost 40 lbs, which is interesting since I haven't lost 40 lbs yet.   What else? I feel pretty good about myself at the moment. Sexy or something.... I don't know. Just something new.   :thumbup:
emmylou

emmylou

2
 

5 Weeks Post Op

This band is interesting.   Here's an example of what I could eat for lunch prior to surgery:   Wendy's double stack, med. fry, med. drink, large frosty.   Now: A grilled chicken sandwich.   I'm assuming the band has made me fearful to overeat, so I don't. I eat until I'm no longer hungry and then stop. I have not experienced fullness, only satiety. Satiety it pretty neat. So why couldn't I stop at satiety before?! Why did it take getting the band to be fearful of stuffing myself???? Why am I now ok with NOT stuffing myself?   I plan on asking the shrink this week.   My incisions are still on the mend, but doing well. I've lost weight but I don't know how much since I'm not weighing myself, but I'm now able to fit back into clothes I was wearing last time I lost 40 lbs, which is pretty cool.   My self confidence is rising and I've started to care about what I look like. I'm wearing jewelry and makeup again, I'm going out just to go out where before I would rather sit at home and not have people see me.   I hope to continue doing well and I hope that once I'm cleared for more vigorous exercise that I will continue to rock. I do not plan on getting a fill until after I see what additional excercise can do for me.   I eat when I'm hungry, and that's it. I stop when I'm not, and that's it. Fairly simple, but wasn't so simple before the band.   I'm happy for now, I hope it continues.
emmylou

emmylou

7
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