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Life

I haven't posted in months. I realize that I need to write this down, soo I can get it out of my system.   Feb, on my son's birthday, he was caught during his party smoking pot by himself in his room by himself. Yeah! Found out he has opposition defiance disorder. New drugs is making life a lot easier, but it's not over. Found out I need therapy along with my son. Issues from my past has..... stunted my families growth, so to speak.   Then to top it off, my daughter on Monday, said she wwants to end her life! She is beautiful and strong.   The Lord has loaned out these precious children to me, and it's my responsibility to rear them in the eyes of the Lord, Spiritually, mentally and physically. I will go to heaven and hell for them to save them from their sorrows. That is my sacred duty, and my joy as being a mother! I want to save my children and be there for them!   I put her in therapy immediately kicking and screaming, but after a week of being home and "healing" she realizes she does need help.   Our 18th anniversary is Sat. and we were going to go to Branson till Monday, but Doc said she is too fragile that we can't leave. I don't want her out of my sight, but she says she's too scared to carry it out. She says that the only reason she didn't carry it out is because I once told her that suicide just makes it harder, it doesn't solve your problems, it only makes them harder up in heaven, and what about the people you leave behind. Would she want everyone around her to mourn her loss for years and wish that we could have done something more to save our precious gift from God?   She is healing, and feeling, and crying a lot, which is good. I made her stay home all week, and now she has strep because of stress. She is a perfectionist, which is part of the problem. She is also a mother to a T! She always has been, she feels like she needs to take care of everyone's problems instead of taking care of herself. She now recognizes that and the counselor is helping her. Life is such a short time in the whole eternity process, that why end this life?   God sent us here to gain bodies, and to have trials, and to see how we face our trials. God also gave my daughter on loan to us. He is her Father. And it is my sacred duty to make sure she is taught in the Way of The Lord. To make her a better person, to see that she is a Daughter of God. To see that she is not worthless. If I don't do that, then it is upon my shoulders.   Logan is doing better, the Respridole is helping, he doesn't get angry so much, he can talk through his feelings instead of keep it in till he explodes.   Me? I'm a work in progress! I now realize that my father verbally abused me and emotionally. I would get F's in junior high and he would say that I would never amount to anything. After My third child, who was 10 lbs, and a c-section that i looked like a hippo. Therapy is helping realize that I CAN be who I have always wanted to be, but it's hard to believe you are worth something, when you have always heard to opposite my whole life. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't always horrible, it's just those few times that I remember the most.   Till the next melt down, Ta Ta for now!
knrpick

knrpick

4
 

The sweet spot has arrived!

OMG! I think I have my sweet spot! I don't come on here much anymore, but I thought I would tell all my friends who have gotten me through some rough times and I'm sure there will be more rough times ahead......THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I guess my body likes a certain number for a long time and then finally gives up the ghost and lets it go. I've realized that I just need to keep on truckin! I got my surgery July 13th and have now lost 45 lbs. That's a low number as compared to some of you, but I also realize that i can't compare myself. My body is mine and no one elses. God gave me this body and no one else! I think that's why I haven't been on here a lot. It was very frustrating reading everyones success stories and then I'm stuck! I know that's anti-social, but I have found what works for me. I have also figured out that I can't eat in the morning. I'm very tight. I drink my protein shakes and it works great. I am finally getting stuck on food! I know that's bad, but it's good for me because now I CAN'T eat my favorite foods like home made bread I just got out of the oven! But that's OK, I had a bite last night and that was OK with me because I knew if I had a whole piece, I would be foaming at the mouth and stuck to high heaven. I like the way I feel right now! I don't actually have that feeling like some of you, that if i take just one more bite I will throw up. But I do get full faster and stay full and satisfied longer. That too is another reason I haven't been on here. The typical for everyone is just not me! I have to find out for myself how much I can eat, how things work, just for me. Wish I was like everyone else!
knrpick

knrpick

6
 

I've lost my mo joe!!!!!

I'm gaining weight! I can still eat anything I want even with 6 cc in my realize band. I know I'm over eating! I know I need to do better. Since I had swine flu, I haven't gotten up the courage to exercise again. I know, excuses! My problem is....hmmmm...... I don't know, I do and eat exactly perfect till the kids get home. I made macaroons, which my daughter started, now, holy hell, I make them every day:eek: Why do I sabatage myself? I feel like it's going so slow and this is how my failure begins in all my weight loss. How can people loose sooooo fast and I lose 1 lb a month!:cool2: I just want to quit, and I feel like I don't care. I know I should care, but right now I'm not feelin in!   New quilt and a cute picture of my daughter and me I just love! never mind, won't load!:laugh::cursing::ohmy::ohmy:
knrpick

knrpick

5
 

Finally!!!!!

Well, I went in for another fill yesterday. I have almost given up on this band thing. Last time I had gained 3 lbs. I loved sugar again, was eating whatever I wanted. Just like all my diets go. I go gang-busters for awhile and then get back into my bad habits. After that visit, I have gone back to having 2 shakes a day and a good meal for dinner. I didn't weigh myself because I was just too discouraged.   I went in and was weighed. I lost 6 lbs! I have been up and down for a couple months. I'm 261!!!!! I'm so thrilled! I know they say to not use shakes very often, but if it works, I'm sticking to it!!!!!!!:cursing:
knrpick

knrpick

1
 

To hell, to heaven, and back to earth

Sigh, this is a long story since I haven't been on here in a long time. 4 weeks ago, I wasn't feeling well, but went for my fill anyway. They put in 1/2 cc. Now at 5 cc. I was soooo sick on the drive home, have to drive 2 hrs. Thank goodness my hubby was driving. From there it got worse! Went in to doc, not only did I have swine flu, but had mono and pneumonia on top of it. I have NEVER!!!! been this sick. Cramping stomach, diareah that was squirting out.....yeah the image is bad, but it was bad. Sick to my stomach, aches and fever. My fever got up to 104! They gave me tamaflu and said drink! Yeah, ok, drinking will work when I can't keep anything down, and diareah is every 5 min.   Well, I was so sick one day, my girlfriend came over because I wanted chicken noodle soup and I was so weak I couldn't go to the basement to get it. She got here and I came downstairs, I was sooo horrified! The house smelled like dog poop (in the litter box), dishes weren't done, and filth everywhere. OMG! SERIOUSLY?????!!!!! Can't my husband get the kids to do their job? I hadn't been downstairs for a week! I had to clean my own house with 104 fever! I was so furious!!!!!!!!!! I called and yelled at Kevin, then when the kids came home, I yelled at them... yeah the fever had something to do with it, anyway, I told them that I am a child of God and I don't deserve this. It is my job as a mother to teach them how to work so when they are on their own, they can do it properly. I am totally failing. Those were my words. I was leaving to visit my dying father on Friday for 2 weeks. I told them that things were going to change! NOW! I am not their slave! I told them I was going to leave a list and if everything didn't get done in 2 wks, I wasn't coming home. Everyone, including my husband, was furious. For Pete's sakes, there is a banister that has been broken for 6 long years and I keep begging him to fix it. Anyway........   The next day Kevin was home and he noticed I wasn't drinking. I was crying becasue the cramping was so bad, but no tears. I told him I had no saliva either. He immediately took me to the hospital and they hooked me up to an IV. I was too dehidrated. I went home and felt sooooooo much better! Amazing what dehydration does to the body. Well, My hubby is a Nurse Anesthetist, so he brought home 2 more bags of IV the next day and gave them to me before I left for the airport. That got me through the trip. I slept the entire flight and drive home. I got home and hugged mom, not dad, didn't want to get him sick. I immediately went to bed for 3 days. I don't remember anything from those 3 days. Mom said I came up a couple of times to eat and drink, but then went to bed. Anyway..... that was my hell..... now for the heaven.......   I was in Idaho Falls for 2 wks to visit my dad. His health is failing and I'm the only child who is far away and I don't get to see him except about every 2 yrs. I felt very strongly that I should go and see him. My and mom quilted and sewed and shopped. Dad sat in the TV room while I sewed and we just talked. He told stories that I have heard a million times, but just didn't listen. After he would tell these stories, I would hurry and go write them in my journal. The time with him was priceless!   I finished 1 quilt and stole tons of fabric from mom's stash and got lots of good quilting stuff from their stores. I had to send a 50 lb tub home full of fabric, thread, and stuff that didn't fit in my 2 suit cases. Mom taught me how to make a hexagon star quilt, it was so beautiful and was so perfect. It was heaven to have mom teach me more quilting techniques and listen to dad. I believe this will be the last time I will see him atleast in the house. :confused::frown: Anyway, I was planning on going on a quilt retreat when I got back, but I had a 2 wk quilt retreat with my mom. I don't need another one. It was so theraputic!   Now back to earth........ I'm back home and I have watched my mom for 2 wks and have realized I am not a great mom or wife. She cooks, clean and everything without complaining. I learned that I'm not a great house cleaner. Not anymore, I do something every day to clean something in my hugehouse. I feel a lot better about the house and me. I have spent more time with my kids and turned off the TV during the day.   I got another fill when I got back and this time she gave me a full CC so now i'm at 6 cc in a 10 cc. She said in my realize band 5-8 cc is normal for sweet spot. So I'm getting close. I have lost weight, just not like I wanted too. I would if I didn't cheat every day. I'm so bad every day, just I'm not getting my size of food down. I can still eat a lot which is BAD! So, now back to the real world. I am recommited to life and to losing weight so life is much better than when I left!!!!!!
knrpick

knrpick

3
 

Another fill

**Sigh** my fill didn't go as planned yesterday. I had my last trainer visit and I rocked! SERIOUSLY! My heart rate last time when I walked was 139. This time it was 119! Down 20 beats!!   Went to get my fill after and she put in 1 cc again. I sit up and immediatly feel it in my neck. She had me take a drink. It wasn't bad per say, but still wasn't comfortable. She told me I would hate her if she didn't take some out. **SIGH** OK fine. She took out 1/2 cc and I'm feeling better. I'm still ticked off at my body. I never get full and now it's backfiring on me.   She also told me an interesting tid bit. She would actually LOVE to see her patients get about 30 grams of protein at every meal. Not possible all the time but if I shoot for 70 grams per day that will be good. I'm doing that today and I'm a lot fuller then I used to be! I feel like I'm on the Atkins diet! lol   Iluq is doing better. We are having to change his bandage because it starts to smell.   Oh I don't think I wrote what happened. After he got hit, a couple days later he started bleeding everywhere. Well, his skin is too weak to hold the stitches, so we have to keep it wrapped and have it heal from in inside out. Poor thing, half of his pad of his paw is ripped wide open.   We were cleaning it out on Sunday, he was screaming his head off, poor baby, and our other husky, Sasha got really upset. Now she is PETRIFIED of my husband. I feel just horrible. Now she thinks he's going to hurt her. SIGH......LIFE!!!!
knrpick

knrpick

3
 

What a week

**SIGH** Let's start at the beginning. We got a new puppy on Saturday. We are going to start breeding pomeranians. Monday, I took him to the elementary school to show. He did fantastic! His name is Chai Tea.   In the afternoon, we take all of our dogs to get their shots. We get home and let them run out back! Well, kids came home and we forgot about them. My son who is out front came in and said ALL the dogs are running in the front yard! Sasha had dug out of the yard. Well, Kevin goes running and our new puppy, Iluq (EEluck) got hit by a car! Ran him to a vet and he was in shock, so they couldn't do surgery. The next day they did exrays and he dislocated his hip, and fractured where his growth plate is. Not Good. They had to anesthetize him to suture him up. His entire pad of his paw and been almost torn off. We finally got him home Tuesday evening.   Wednesday we drove to Lebanon to look at a new pup, and it will be a couple weeks before we can have her. Anyway, Kevin came with me and he got a cold that morning. By 3:00 PM I have a full blown cold.   Thursday, my cold has completely taken over my entire head. I have gone through an entire box of kleenex in 1 day!   This entire week I haven't lost any weight. I go for a fill next Tuesday and I won't have lost any! I'm very discouraged! I haven't been able to exercise all week due to the puppy and me being sick. I'm just ticked at myself for not eating correctly. I journal every day and stay within my limits for the most part. I don't know what to do!   The pictures are of my new little Chai and iluq who got hit by a car!
knrpick

knrpick

6
 

Exhuasting day

Yesterday, I decided to do a run to St. Louis and shop by myself. I never get to do that. Got a call from a girl who wants my pup, so I said I would drop him off in Fenton on my way to St. Louis. Well right as I was ready to leave, the school called and my 10 yr old girl has a fever!:thumbdown: So I picked her up, gave her tylanol, and went to Fenton. We dropped the pup off and starting to drive. Morgan started to shake uncontrollably and started to cry. Well, my shopping trip sucked as you can imagine, didn't make it. Went home and took her temp. It took us an hour and a half to get home, so by this time she is crying uncontrollably. Took her temp and it was 104.5. Ok, so I'm going to taking her after hours clinic. They took us right back because of her symptoms. She has a stiff neck (menagitis!) They wanted to do blood work, but they don't do that there so they said because of her stiff neck they would feel more comfortable with us going to the ER. We get there and she gets a blanket and motrin while we wait. It's a long time and they finally get her to triage. Get her symptoms, temp and weight. They said it would atleast be another hour. I told her I was taking her in my car to wait so she can lay down and they can call my cell phone when they are ready. So Morgan finally sleeps, poor thing. They call me in 1 hr later. Take us to a room and they leave..... just leave. Ok?........... Finally a sweet man nurse came in and took her temp and talked to her...... and left. Another hour goes by, her temp is not falling! They give her some tylonal and leave. :smile2: Finally they come take her blood. I ask, why is the doctor doing this without even seeing my daughter???:cursing: Protocol was all she said. Nurse comes in with strep test, flu test and urine test and leaves. We wait another hour, literally!:cursing: By this time the meds and kicked in finally and she is bored.:eek: I'd rather her be sick cuz of the wait and she was sleeping. She keeps asking every 2 min. when the doc would be in. Finally he comes in and goes through all the bloodwork and such. Everything was fine except urine. She has UTI but it's in the kidneys, so kidney infection. HIgh fever and stiff neck very typical. He then asks me if My visit was satisfactory! WHAT??????????? SATISFACTORY? HELL NOOOOOOO it wasn't!:cursing: told him I was pissed with waiting. He said I can't do anyting about that, 2 docs with 28 rooms filled and 17 people waiting to be seen. Not his fault. :cursing: Oh ok, so we spent hours in the Er, with hundreds of dollars being spent to have the doctor say he can't do anything, kidney infection, and a perscription. Oh, ok! I'm joyously happy with my service!:thumbup: NOT!!!!!!!!!!   TOO BOOT, I wanted and intented to drive to Columbia for a lap band support meeting and I missed it. I was too exhausted to go and we didn't get out of ER till 9:30 PM:cursing::cursing: Ok, my husband is an anesthetist, I understand hospital protocol, but last night was rediculous!   She is fine today, kept her home, her fever has broke but she still has aching muscles. She will be fine! Thank goodness! I guess that's all that matters!   I ate the worst yesterday with being gone all day. Fast food twice! At this point today I don't care! I'm eating good today and that's all that matters, right?
knrpick

knrpick

1
 

3rd fill 4 cc

Well today was a great day. I finally had my 3rd fill. I can't really tell if I'm more restricted, I still can eat more than I should. But, I do have to eat slower, which is a plus! I had my last diatitian apt, thank goodness! What a pain, I totally lied my way through and told them what they wanted to hear and all was good. The trainer was way good! I kicked his butt!!!! The fill nurse was happy with my loss, 3 lbs. I'm not, I was bad over the weekend, thus the little loss. But I need to think of it as 3 lost not gained.   I'm loving my new life. I get compliments everywhere I turn! I don't have a double chin anymore, so I'm no turkey chin! Big plus!!!!:thumbdown: I have more energy level, so we are having more sex!:cool: yup, I said the S word. My ultimate goal is to have sex standing up ( if you remember my earlier blog) I might actually get there, which is giving me hot flashes just thinking about it. Kevin, sweet man that he is, is just drooooooling, thinking about my goal! :ohmy:   Phew, had to close the blog, my daughter was sitting here. Now that's imbarrassing!   Ok, where was I......... I was bad, bad, bad over the weekend, thus the bad loss. My daugters 10th birthday party was this weekend, long story short ,she had 2 parties, 2 cakes, and both really, really, really, oooooooooohhhhhhhhh REALLLLLY GOOD! Yeah I know, spank me, HARD!!!   Isn't it interesting, well, it is to me, that when my family is home..... we eat! We played hand and foot card game on Sunday, which is a family favorite, and what did we have? Treats, cake, yummies! ARRRRGGGGG! It's so hard to say no, when they are passing it around! I need to just say no, but my will power is.... well, not good right now!   Oh I learned some new exercise ideas from my trainer. I told him I hated running on cement, it hurt. Well, dummmmyyyy, of course it hurts, your a horse right now. Anywho, he suggested walking on the treadmill, and during commercials.... run. Holy crap, didn't think commercials lasted that long! Did the first one fine, but the 2nd set of commercials killed me, I totally didn't make it. MY NEW GOAL!!!!!!!!! MAKE IT THROUGH ALL THE COMMERCIALS RUNNING! It will take a while, but I will get there! He said that running then walking and running again is a fabulous and best kind of work out. It builds up your endurance. If you never challenge yourself, you will never get to a higher level. Totally makes sense. We also worked on a exercise ball and kettle weights. Totally cool. It gives me more options to add to my exercise. Going to the trainer was actually a lot of fun. OMG!!!! DID I JUST SAY THAT????????   have a fabulous day everyone, and remember, WE CAN DO THIS, IF WE DO IT TOGETHER!!!!1
knrpick

knrpick

5
 

Dad's 80th birthday

Mom and dad sent me the pictures from my dad's 80th birthday. What a fabulous posterity they have. It was amazing to actually get everyone there. 3 are missing. Those three are on missions for our church. I posted more pictures in my photos. ok pictures wouldn't load. If you want to see them go to my photos!
knrpick

knrpick

4
 

walking

Wow, my family and I walked 90 min. with my dogs. I've never walked that long. I'm freaking exhausted!!!!!
knrpick

knrpick

2
 

Everyone keeps asking.....

After my 2nd fill last week, lots of people have asked what happened and what my nurse said. K, here it goes, hope I remember everything......   I went into the office 20 min early, I drive 2 hrs to get there, and tina actually called my back right after that. Weird! Good thing too because i kept her there for 45 min. answering my questions.   1. snacks, some docs say no, some yes, she said by all means, if it keep you from eating the paint of the wait do so. I was just having fruit, or sf jello, things like that. I thought that was good. She said NO! for your snack, eat protein. She said some crackers with peanut butter. I was stunned. I asked how many, she smiled and said 2 crackers with just a smear of peanut butter.... lots of fat!   2. Why do you only put 1 cc in at a time when others use a floriscope and get the right amount in the first time? She said that if she did that, which they used to do, people end up throwing up and getting blocked all the time. It's a learning curve and this way, you listen more to your body. TOTALLY MAKES SENSE TO ME! But it still sucks! I still have no restriction.   3. Why do some people loose 60 lbs in 3 months and some don't lose any weight in a year? She said that she doesn't want me to lose that much weight that fast. It's not healthy, yes people (men) loose faster than others, but 2 lbs is healthy. Think about this, my brother did the math. In 1 yr at 2 lbs a week that is 104 in one year! I'd be thrilled with that, so I need to look at the big picture, not the 1 or 2 lbs a week. Anyway, she said that some people loose more because they actually have the food, head hunger, water, everything under their belt. Some people just GET IT. Sooooooo not me!   4. My dietitian wanted me to eat only 2 oz of protein at a meal. Tina smiled and said that this is where they differ. She AND Dr. Pitt agree that 2 oz is just not that much. 3 oz will make you more full and last longer. So I have been doing more protein and it works! I am feeling so much better.   5. Give me some ideas for snacks (going back to 3) She said that the perfect snack is string cheese wrapped with lunch meat. I did that with 5 raspberries. I actually had 2 cheese sticks, but who's counting.   6. Why am i not loosing? I haven't lost weight in 2 wks. I've been very discouraged. Therefore, eating the wrong things. She said this first little while you need to have will-power. Hmmmmm......WILL-POWER, WHAT A CONCEPT! She smiled and said she understood, but she suggested this..... measure your meal out. Eat ONLY that, and get up from the table. That's a hard one for me because that where my family talks about their day. So, I did it. I ate super slow, which also helped, because I didn't want to leave before my kids did. I wanted to hear about their day and their concerns or triumphs. I have 2 teenagers and a 10 and 8 yr old. Yes, I am crazy, but no one told me I was crazy when they came out looking so damn cute...... and huge! 10 pounders for me! Ok, back on topic.....I ended up listening more than eating! I found that when everyone was done, you know what I was good!   6. I think that's 6 anyway. hmmm... dang it! I had another one that was really important, but can't remember. Oh well, I'll move on to the next one. She made a comment about food. That there was a man who was busting his butt exercising and he didn't lose any weight. She finally realized that he needed to up his calorie intake. I thought about this for a while. I am chasing puppies all day long, then I work out sometimes. I thought to myself, maybe I need to up my calories just a bit. I tried this new site that someone on here recommended for me. It's www.myfitnesspal.com I only use it to record my food. Genius by the way! I log my food and my exercise. Anyway, it's been telling my I need 1400 calories a day, which we all know with the lap band, there is no way we can do that. But I have upped it amazingly, I say amazingly because I haven't been keeping track of calories, just food. But this one does calories. Anywho..... Amazingly, I upped it to about 1100-1200 calories and wam bam thank you mam, I lost 2 lbs without blinking my eyes!!!!! I don't do that every day, I just do it when I exercise, which lately hasn't been all that great, what with nightmere puppies here. If you don't know what I mean, read my blog..... you will see the little devils. Oh, I also have a story about them, again, today.   7. Tina also said that weight loss would not happen if I didn't exercise. I have zero co-morbities. I don't have high blood pressure, no diabities, no arthritis, nothing. Therefore, when I exercise I needed to really be kicking my butt and profusely sweating! She said to kick it into high gear. No meander walking, no midioker exercising for me! I should be dead at the end of my workout. That's why I came home from the docs and ran! Felt great!   It's kind of funny, but was talking to my friend, Rhonda, who is on here and she had blood work done and her ketones were high. When I actually did the atkins diet, I was in ketosis all the time. IE: lots of meat! I laugh now because I feel like I'm sort of back on the atkins diet. I eat lots of mean, though lean meats now, so yeah, my ketones probably are high too.   I can't remember what else she said, if I remember I will back up. Now...... on to todays nightmere puppy story.   I get up at 7 because my 2 puppies that I bought are screaming and crying. They are in the cage downstairs. I go down there and their 2 little heads are sticking out of the cage! Hmmmm.... what happened? Well, this cage was an old one that one of our um, shall we say, loner dog for breeding, we put him in. He freaked out and actually chewed through the metal cage and bottom tray. Stuck his paw out and ruined my carpet. Yup, bad one. Anyway, I didn't think the hole was that big. Well obviously it was. They just looked at me and yelped. I couldn't help laughing. Think about this. You come around the corner and all you see in the corner, because the couch is in the way, are 2 little husky heads looking out at you! pretty funny! Anyway, I actually had to cut the cage to get their heads out, little devils! So we went outside. hmmmm 2 out of 3 puppies are gone and so is one of the moms. I found yet another hole where they dug under the fence. Isn't it amazing at the small holes they can get out of???? So I went searching and searching. Nothing! I finally went out and got another cage for my 2 pups and went grocery shopping. So I get home and I go out back to play with my only lone pup and my 2. We are playing and i hear whinning. hmmmm.... out backyard is adjacent to a small forest. I got out there and low and behold, there is Spirit, the mom, and her to pups running full scale right at me looking like they saw a ghost. Well, they get to me and start jumping at me. All I see are black puppies, they are pure white, and a very black mom. And the smell! OH MY GOSH! SERIOUSLY BAD! They rolled in something dead!!!!! So, now I'm covered it um....well black dead stuff and I carry the puppies home while Spirit follows. So I get them in our only kennel and start spraying them off. No I have no sympathy for them at this moment. They are screaming obviously I'm inhumane and mean, muahahahahaha! Ok, yes, I did take great delight in their moment of horror! Ok, so I finally get them somewhat cleaned off. I'm about ready to come inside when my husband gets home from work. I told him my horror story and he is furious! We all are! Anyway, he looks at me and says you are so not coming in the house yet. Why? I ask. Because you are covered in seed ticks and burs and bigger ticks! THAT DAMN FOREST! So, we spend the next hour, yes you heard me, hour taking burs and ticks off me! Kevin at this point smiles mischieviously at me and asks........ "So, are you going to exercise now?" WHAT THE HELL?! I jsut about shot him! Uh, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO I said. I think I got enough exercise chasing and bending and carrying puppies! 2 more! I only have 2 more to sell!!!!! I CAN AND WILL survive till then!   Anyway, hope this helps, well not my nightmere.... well, maybe it will...... don't buy siberian huskies! lol.   love to all!   OHHHHHHH I do remember one more point the nurse told me. She told me that, "you know when you go out to dinner, they bring you an appetizer, soup, salad, and at that point before your meal is brought to you, you lean over to whoever you are with and say, I am actually good, I dont think I can eat my food" THAT'S what you want to feel like. She used to tell patients to eat till you are full. Not anymore. She said eat till you are satisfied! Ouch! Now that is a hard one! Eating slow and listening to your body she said are the key to this!
knrpick

knrpick

3
 

2nd fill today

Well, today was my 2nd fill. I was astonished that she was only putting in 1 cc. WTF???? What she said made sense. Some people get their fill through a floriscope to get the exact amount that is good. She said that they don't like to do that. One day you have zero restriction the next you do. There is a learning curve in all of this for us patients. They found that it's harder when they do it all in 1 fell swoop. The slow way lets the patients learn their body and learn what to eat and everything. TOTALLY makes sense, but it still sucks. On the way home I stopped at Sams club and they had beautiful rasberries. I got some, and some string cheese at walmart. I ate 2 string cheese and some rasberries and I was SATISFIED! I can't believe it. Dont' know if it was a fluke, but I was happy. She gave me some hints on how to stay on track, so I'm excited. I came home and immediatly exercised! Today was the first day, HERE THIS........the first day that I could jog, albeit slow, a quarter mile, one time around the track!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:thumbup::w00t::biggrin: I am soooooooooooooo proud of myself! It was slow, but it was 3.5 miles per hour. I know people can walk that, but good for me! I can run 4 to 4.5 but only run a little way. :tt2:   Ok, so my parents called me when I got home and remember I flew home for my dad's 80th birthday. Well, dad told me that ALL my brothers and sisters, I'm the youngest out of 7, has commented to mom and dad that I have lost a lot of weight! :thumbup: I about freaking crapped my pants! My brothers and sisters are retarted and could care less how I look except to say I'm fat, well not those words, but you get the point. They all called my parents and said that Ruth looks great! I'm a happy girl, happy, happy, joy, joy! **doing a little dance**   Ok, so back to my day..... I haven't lost weight in 2 wks! Totally sucks, but I realize that I'm eating too much because I have zero restriction. She explained it to me and I know where I have gone wrong!:blushing:   All in all, even though I haven't lost weight, it was a good day, I got an education at the docs!!!!!!!!!   love to all!
knrpick

knrpick

6
 

Wow, the 2nd day is worse!

Boy what a couple of days! Kevin and I had to drive 1 1/2 hrs to get to Columbia. We had to be there by 715 AM. They got me in and the CRNA couldn't get my IV. They never do. anyway, surgery went well, but in the recovery room I started Wheezing and coughing. The nurse ordered a breathing treatment and 2 hrs later it finally came. Right before that, Kevin had had enough and he went to get my inhalor so I had both. It helped but I'm still coughing and my stomach hurts from so much coughing. Anyway, the drive home wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.   Oy vey! The night was horrible. They gave me 4 liters of fluids, so I was up every hour peeing! Then, I can't lay on my sides, only my back, so my back is killing me and my head! That's actually the worst pain. I think the back pain is my gas. I'm not having gas pain like most people say is in their shoulder. Mine, is in my stomach and back! Oh and did I say it hurts to stand up straight! I forgot about that! I had my gall bladder out 17 hrs ago and it hurt like hell to stand up straight!!!   My house is mess, my kids are doing and eating whatever they want and I sore, sore sore! I honestly didn't think it would be this bad! I have had 4 c-sections, and it's pretty much like that except that the pain is higher. I never had this much gas with my babies either!   I know I'm gripeing and groaning, but I can do that since it's my blog, right? :blushing:   Rhonda is having her surgery tomorrow by Dr Pitt also. I hope she does well. Then Stacey is on the 22nd! Everyone is in my prayers!!!!!
knrpick

knrpick

6
 

First time to get stuck

I ate all day long, just fine. Unfortunately I can eat normal and drink pretty normal. I haven't lost weight in a week! I'm drinking tons of water and eating the right amount, I think!:thumbup:   Anyway, last night I made ham and cheese hot pockets and I ate one. About 3 bites down, I stupididly ate a normal bite and didn't chew. Holy crap! I thought I was going to pass out. I panicked! I tried to sip water, but it wouldn't go down. I just stood with my head over the sink trying to calm down! :eek: Finally about 15 min. later the feeling left my throat. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER again! That seriously sucked!:ohmy:
knrpick

knrpick

10
 

More puppies sold!

I know you all are sick and tired of hearing about my puppies, but right now, they are my life. If I could just sell the little buggers, life would be much easier!   Yesterday we went to the Farmers market to try to sell the pups. No such luck. We then we to St. Roberts where we have seen people sell pups before and we had a ton of people come by. The cops then came and shooed us away because we don't have a vendors liscense. Soooooo, we wasted an entire day for nothing.   Today though, I had 1 girl come pick up her pup and another girl call and she 's picking up her pup tomorrow. I then had another lady call who wants one of my white huskies..... so life is looking up!!!!! I just have 3 more to sell!   Food........... well now there's a story, well a non story! I eat, I'm hungry and I'm praying faithfully to find my sweet spot on Thursday when i get my 2nd fill! I hope He's listening!!!!!!!!!!! I just want to get full on small amounts! I hear horror stories on here that people won't lose weight in a year! Give me a break, seriously! I will freaking slit my wrists if that happens! $12,500 for surgery and I won't lose weight!!!! I'm going to get pissed if I don't start soon. I have lost in 2 wks. Still stuck and the 272-271 number!   love to all!
knrpick

knrpick

2
 

Same old story

Ok, I have realized my worst fear and I'm actually going to say it out loud! I have gotten to the point that I have gotten to in every diet. I hit 270-271 and I don't lose anymore! My greatest fear is that with this band I won't lose anymore, like before. I've lost 20 odd lbs, which makes me happy, but now I'm yo-yoing up and down. I'm hungry all the time. I drink, drink, drink. I haven't been perfect, but I now am going to go day by day, hour by hour if need be. I AM going to break this cycle. When I reach 268 you will see rockets in the air, there will be a CBS Special Report! You will hear an orgasmic scream from miles around:tt2::eek: I'm so sick and tired of letting the scale rule my life! I'm going to conquer! So struggles come and go, but you only have 1 body. I want to be proud to be seen with my husband and I want him to be proud of me too. I want my kids to not hide and say, "uh, yeah that's my mom". They don't, but..... you know what I mean. :thumbup: I want to go to the park with my kids and NOT just sit and watch, I want to play on the jungle gym with them.   My secret fantasy..... ok don't laugh...... I want to have sex with my husband standing up! Yup, I said it out loud! That is my goal in life. A worthy goal if you ask me! :ohmy:
knrpick

knrpick

4
 

Another day of puppy hell

Well, I have sold 2 puppies! That's the good part. You know we were treating them for diareah because of a stupid friend. Anyway, just as we were getting the 2 pups ready........ yup...... more diarreah! I'm so sick and tired of this! I called them back and said don't come. They weren't happy, and if they don't want the pups ,I don't blame them! Now we need to make another trip to the vet tomorrow and get more meds and shots. I'm seriously thinking of sending Lorrie, my friend who watched the dogs, my vet bill! I'm now losing money off of these pups because of high vet bills! So I'm treating my pups with pumpkin, I come in and Spirit, my mom husky has gotten on my counter and eaten my cake that my son made last night. That actually was a good thing so I wouldn't eat it, but in the process she broke my pan and glass went everywhere.   So I take a break from puppy hell to go to the doctor for me. I sometimes get.....uh..... I'm so imbarrassed...... pimples on my breasts. Yup, ok, so I'm going through puberty again, but whatever!:ohmy: Anyway, I got this pimple 1 month ago, it popped but never went away. It got red, bigger, and infamed! It even had a knot underneath. I kinda worried becasue breast cancer runs on both sides of family. So I went in and no cancer! PHEW! buuuuuuuuut, I have MRSA! :eek::thumbup::eek: It's not severe and open, but still! So antibiotics for me, the puppies, who else wants some?!:ohmy: I was so pissed, oh..... and I haven't lost any weight in a week since my fill. I thought I had, but guess not! I was so pissed, you know what I did? Yup, I ate a burger. :eek::cursing::cursing:   Whatever, so I know I eat to sooth my feelings. I'm pissed, but I'm more pissed about all the freaking money I spent on puppies!   Lesson 1- Never leave home for more than a day when you have a billion puppies.   Lesson 2- Never ask your looney friend if she will watch the puppies when you know she is looney!   Lesson 3- kill your friend for making your puppies sick!   Lesson 4- don't eat when your pissed or upset!   ALL IN ALL IT'S BEEN A SHITY DAY........... AGAIN!   This is the puppy that couldn't go home today!
knrpick

knrpick

1
 

New dew!

I decided to go get my hair cut today! My poor husband came home and about had a heart attack! I love short hair! All 4 of my kids hate it too! Great! I actually like it, but what do I know!   I haven't lost any weight in a week. I'm going for my 2nd fill next week, thank goodness. I have no restriction....... still!   Anyways, you guys be the ones to decide if you like my new hair or not!   love to all!
knrpick

knrpick

5
 

My dad's 80th birthday

FINALLY! I have about 15 min. before kids get home from school! Man, where did my day go?   The weekend was so perfect, except I had to get up at 2:30 AM. We left at 4 AM to get to the airport. Flew into Salt lake city, and then drove up to Idaho Falls because flying into IF almost doubled the airfare. So, the poor kids sat all day. Anyway, we got there at 2:30 PM and we were all so happy. The next day I wanted to keep dad busy, so I told him I wanted to visit 2 of my favorite places growing up. We drove to the Falls where the LDS temple is and we fed the geese and ducks. There were hundreds of them! Mom said that they just keep multiplying because everyone feeds them. The kids had a blast, I even got dad to walk around with us for awhile. We then drove out to the Sand Dunes we have there. I was sooooo shocked that they are almost gone. Dad said that when the Teton Damn broke in the 70's, they took almost half for sand bagging. I barely remember that, but I do remember going to the river where we fed the ducks and sitting on my dad's shoulders and seeing the river just rise and rise. Anyway, the kids haven't seen dunes before so we played and played. Mom and dad sat in the car and just laughed. We barryed everyone, rolled, jumped and even slid down the dunes. It was a blast! That pretty much took up the day. Saturday Kevin took the 2 older kids and left early, as the disguise of going to barnes and nobles, and they went to the church to help set up. Mom set up the guise that she wanted to get my families picture taken since we were here, but her yard she didn't like, so she wanted pictures at the church. Then after that dad wanted to take us out to dinner. So my family left a few min. early and told them we would meet them there. We got there and as we turned into the parking lot there was a huge yellow banner that said "happy 80th birthday" with everyone standing behind it. We got out and said our hellos. OMG it was so cold, we didn't bring jackets or shoes, just flip flops. Anyway, all 7 kids, spouses, grandkids, their spouses and their kids made it except for 3 boys who were serving a 2 yr mission for our church! It was amazing, we counted 58 people! So anyway, when mom drove up with dad, she went slow so he could see everyone, he smiled and said, "oh look, theres a church activity for the kids going on" and then he saw everyone and was shocked. He started to cry and so did mom! It was perfect! We had a nice dinner, cake and a program. Then, my oldest brother, Steve, put together a compilation of DVDS with pictures of mom and dad growing up and then all of us. He has worked on this for over a year. He even got mom and dads voices in the background explaining all the pictures! It was so beautiful! He did it by Weddings, families, Redfish lake(our families favorite camping spot in the Sawtooth mountains), dads family, moms family and so much more. Steve said it took over 5 DVDs to get all it done. He's going to make copies for all the families for Christmas! My kids thought it was so much fun seeing me as a kid growing up.   I shortly got to visit with all my family. It's hard to see 6 brothers and sisters in just one days visit. 3 brother's lives right in IF but Joni and Steve live in Utah and Leslie lives in Seattle, so it's hard to all get together anymore.   All in all, it was so beautiful to see dad just get teary eyed over all his prosperity! Great weekend! Plus I only gained 1 lb!!!!!!!!!
knrpick

knrpick

1
 

First fill

Well, I just gotmy first fill! What a relief. I have only lost 6 lbs since surgery 4 wks ago! No pain at all, just him pushing to find my port. He only put 2 cc of fluids in. Saw the dietitian and I'm now on solid foods. I can have 2 oz protein, 1 oz of veggies or starch and 1 oz of fruit. So I'm on 1/2 c per meal. I pray this works!!!!   Love to all!
knrpick

knrpick

3
 

I'm BACK!

What a weekend! We started out Thursday morning waking up at 2:30 AM so we could leave by 4 to get to the airport by 6. The flight went fine, but then in Salt lake we had to rent a van and drive up to Idaho Falls, which was another 3 hours. We got to my parents house by 2 PM. So it was already a long day.   Friday, I took my kids to the best 2 places of my memories. We went to the Temple and falls and fed the ducks and geese. The kids had a blast. Mom and dad even came. We then went out to the Sand Dunes. I have such fond memories going there. They have shrunk so much because of the Teton Damn, but they were still big enough that the kids had a blast.   Saturday was the big day. The Guise we told dad, was that mom wanted pictures of our family at the church and then dad would take us out for lunch. We left first and warned everyone else. We drove up and there was a HUGE banner saying happy 80th on it. Behind the sign was all the kids, grand kids and great grand kids. Dad finally drove up and stopped at the sign and just cried. He was so not expecting this! We hired someone to take family pictures. Ok, so there are 7 kids, 32 grandkids and 4 great great grand kids! It was so good to see everyone. I am the youngest out of the 7 and I'm the only one who is far away, so i haven't seen anyone in 2 yrs!   We then went inside where mom had a cater serve the dinner. ( I was so good, I had chicken and baked potato and that's all). We then had Joni, my sister, and Kent, my brother, pay tribute to dad. We then went into another room, and Steve, the oldest boy, has been working on this for over a year, he had a DVD presentation of Dad's life and posterity. We saw us growing up, mom and dad growing up, us on vacations, us and our marriges and kids we had. It was all set to music. It was so well put together. He even had mom and dad talking on the DVD so they could describe the pictures. It was just breath taking.   Anyway, it was a great day. Sunday, we drove back to Salt Lake City and flew home to St. Louis and then Drove to Rolla. We finally got home at midnight. We walk inside and the stench was so bad. We walked in and there was poop and pee everywhere. We got Iluq and Shila out of the cage and the pee was literally 1/2 inch thick. I had to bathe those 2, clean the floors and carpets. I finally get upstairs and my bed is covered with pee, cat pee! Seriously could it get any worse? Yes!   We finally get to bed. The next morning, I wake up to rain, which is fine. We pup the pups outside in the kennel and they ALL have diareah!!!!! They were covered in it an they were wet from the rain. So, today, we had to line up the pups and I washed, with Toriann, and the kids just lined up and took each pup and dried them off.   I'm so freaking furious at my friend who was supposed to take care of the house! i promised my husband i wouldn't talk to her till I have calmed down. That's so not going to happen.   The house still stinks. I have mopped 3 times, we have wood floors on the main floor. I'm getting rid of the cats, kill them most likely.   I had such a busy day besides that. I had to register my son in highschool because we were in Idaho when it happened. Then had to go school shopping for CRAP that my 2 little ones needed. Then the high school called and said Logan need his tetnus shot before he can go to school, so we went to the health department and got that, which took hours! Got home and left again to take Toriann to volleyball practice. Came home, and that's when I had to clean the puppies! Oh and inbetween all this, I cleaned every room from poop and pee! Oh and the worst, I got on the scale and I gained 2 lbs. Seriously, how the hell do you gain weight when you are freaking busy and running all freaking day!!!!   Tomorrow, I go for my first fill. I'm so excited because I can eat and drink anything. I can guzzle water, and just feel like normal. I am freaking hungry trying to stay within the calorie limit.   LESSON LEARNED? Never leave 16 dogs alone for 4 days with a friend you thought could handle it!   Tomorrow sure as hell better be better than today!
knrpick

knrpick

1
 

I'm in puppy hell!

UG, what a day! I come home from church to check on the puppies, who are in my garage. We have 11 of the little rascals. Well, Spirit, one of the moms, has diareah!!!!!!!!! In the playpen and out! My family hadn't gotten home yet, but I had to do something! I got the puppies out of the playpen and put them on the grass. I then moved the playpen on the grass and put the puppies back in the playpen. By the way, they are ALL covered in poop and pee! So I get my power washer out, had to lug it clear up the steps from the back yard, and i couldn't get it started! Ok, slow down Ruth, you can do this! So I went in and washed my hands. Took a drink of water, by the way, moving puppies several different times is GREAT exercise! No need for a treadmill today!!!:biggrin:   Anyway, I came out and filled the power washer with gas! Well don't you know, we all need gas now don't we!!!!!!:thumbup: It started right up! Well, while I was washing out the garage, I accidently sprayed the wall of the garage, and wouldn't you know it, poop went spraying all over me, the wall, Kevin's motorcycle and who knows where else!:thumbup: OK RUTH, YET AGAIN, YOU CAN DO THIS! By this time the puppies are crying because they have never been on grass before and they are miserable with all the poop on them. So I decided to take a break from washing the garage and I stood far away and started power washing my puppies!!!!!:sad::tt2: Yup you can guess what happened! They all just looked at me like I was crazy. Then, all of a sudden, they were sprinting over to be the one in the water! I was laughing so hard I ACTUALLY peed my pants! Yup, I didn't think it would happen, but I guess the phenomina does happen! Well, so I felt better, the puppies were somewhat washed, and I could go back into the garage. Well, I forgot that my new Yukon Denali was infront of the garage! Yup, you guessed it! SHIT everywhere! Plus, my car is white! Ok by this time, I just couldn't help laughing. By this time, my girlfriend drives up and is wondering what is going on. She looks at the car and thinks outloud why the hell am I laughing at shit on my car! I just kept laughing and power washed my car. Well, so it's too hot outside for the pups, so we decide to move the pups in the backyard in the shade. No one would touch them because they are wet and still a little poopy. So, yup, you guessed it, I had to take all 11 puppies out by myself while my hubby took the playpen out for me. I think I burned 5000 calories today!:eek:   The funniest thing, well actually not, but to me it is. While the pups were still out front, I had 2 people drive up and want to buy a puppy!!!!!!!:thumbup::thumbup: I told them they couldn't go for a couple more wks, so they will be back. Maybe I should keep them in the front of the house with a big sign saying, "AKC SIBERIAN HUSKIES FOR SALE $350 EACH". What do you think! lol   Anyway, I hope this brings a smile to your face when you read this. Have a good day! Hope you like the pictures. I just took these last night of the babies to put on puppyfind and rollanet.
knrpick

knrpick

3
 

I lost texas!!!!!!

HA HA made you look! Sorry, had to say it!   Anyway, me and Kevin took a trip to texas over the weekend. I gained 5 lbs. Anyway, we got home Monday, today is Thursday and I'm back down to my pre-Texas weight!!!!:smilielol5::hurray: HAPPY DAYS!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, have a good day everyone! I sure as hell will   Side note, I actually exercised today. I walked a mile in 20 min, not as fast as I used to be, but I did it!
knrpick

knrpick

1
 

I lost i lost i lost!

I THINK you guys were right, it was water weight! I woke up this morning and lost 4 lbs! :yikes: I guess I didn't do too bad. I definatly didn't eat 3500 caleries. I'm still kinda pissed at the nurse, but what do you expect from the beampole! They can't think fat!   ARB and I were talking today. I find it really interesting what different docs call "mushies". Our mushies, we both go to the same doc, is actually soft foods. We can have deli meat, tuna, soft and moist chicken, veggies that are super soft. I find this stage is much easier because we have lots of choices. I hate the no choices like the pre-diet.   I've been doing a lot of soul searching after this weekend. (that's all I've thought about)I have lived most of my life on bad choices. This weekend, I did eat too much, but they were good choices, for the most part. I have also learned that I need to listen to my body, that is the hardest part! I've never done this before. This isn't like a diet that you screw up and your done! I'm making my life better along with my family. I want to see my kids when they get old. I want to see my grandkids, when they come.   Thanks to friends, I think, no I know I can do it!:hurray: There are people on here who are mean and cruel, but for the most part every person I've met here are amazing and funny.   The funniest thing I've heard is from Stacy. She said one day that her brother rubbed ehr belly. I was like shit your a budda! She laughed and said maybe she should not have the surgery and charge for people to rub her belly for goodluck! LMAO! It's great attitudes like this that I need!   I'm changing my life!!!!!!:smilielol5:
knrpick

knrpick

1
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