Randi L's Journal

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One week to go

Here I am, a week before my procedure, and I feel like I don't know anything about what happens after I leave the hospital. I wish I had found this site earlier, and plan to read as much as I can for the next week. I'm not sure of my starting weight - 270 or so. I've been this weight for so long, my closet is full of this size. (24-26) While I can't wait to experience the scale moving down, it scares me as well. I am praying I will find out more information about after care - after reading some of your posts, I find myself ignorant about fills, and fluids, and feelings. The reason I'm doing this is simple - I don't want to spend another day, week, month, year like this. Feeling this way. Yet, I am afraid of missing food - of the comfort it does bring. It controls me, and has for too many years, and I've grown too close to it, instead of developing relationships, working on me, feeling good about me. As an Event Producer, with a lot of time spent on Weddings, I always see what that whole "beautiful bride" thing is, and never felt I deserved to be one. My procedure is booked, I've gone to the nutritionist, the psychologist, and the surgeon. This week I'll be going to the hospital to review other things. I hope I will have a lot of questions to ask, and be able to dull my fears about all this. I want to feel Joy. I pray for some Joy. I expect some pain, some frustration, some concern, some problems. What I hope for - is Joy.

Randi L

June 12, 2006

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