I am going back to work tomorrow. I will be 6 days post op and down 15 pounds! I feel a lot better today than I did yesterday. I feel better everyday! The liquid diet is a challenge when I am bored but easy when I keep myself busy. I am so excited about this adventure. I feel like I want to skip ahead 3 months so I can be thinner. This is the first time I have ever known without out a doubt I will be thin. That it is just a matter of time. How exciting is that. My husband told me the other day that he is so excited for me. That he could tell that I wasn't enjoying life as much as I could. He is right! So now I get start living.
I leave to have my surgery in Tj on Sunday. I am actually feeling a little better about the whole thing. I think most of my nerves are less about surgery and more about failing. I am afraid that I will have the surgery and like all other diets I have been on not lose the weight. I know this is different than say the cabbage soup diet or weight watchers. Still, when you have become accustom to failing it is hard to imagine anything different. I am optimistic and know that if I do my part the band will do it's. So, Here's to the journey!
I leave tomorrow to TJ for surgery. I have decided to take the trip alone. I am starting to feel more excited than nervous. I noticed a small lump on my stomach kind of under my rib cage. At first I thought it was a hernia but I've been told that would be a strange place for a hernia. Yesterday it was a little painful but today it is fine. It could even be something like a spider bite. Hard to say. I called my doctor and he said to come to the surgery and that it should be fine. I guess I won't know until I get there. I'm starving do to the pre op diet but hanging in there. Can't wait!
I just got back in town from my surgery and I feel okay. I am a little sore where my port is located and I am feeling a lot of pressure in my back and chest. I guess that is gas pain. I am ready to feel normal again (not sore). I am on clear liquids only and since I am not hungry that is fine. I occasionally trick myself into thinking I'm hungry when I know I am just bored or having a craving. I didn't tell anyone but my family that I was having the surgery and I go back to work today. It is going to be tough to keep it a secret. I don't really care that anyone knows I just don't want to hear anyones negative opinions. I am pretty excited I have lost 13 pounds since I started my pre op diet until now. I can't wait!
I am 8 days post op and my stomach growls constantly. I am not talking a nice purring but an all out across the room growl. I had a client who's hair I was doing last night and about an hour into the appointment she said "Oh sweetie You can take a break and eat, I don't mind." It was really embarrassing. I have been told this is normal but I hate it. This too will pass. Everything else is great. I am healing quickly. I have been back at work for 3 days and I feel fine. I occasionally have some pain when I inhale deeply. My doctor said that it is inflamation around the band causing extra air to go down with my liquid and that it is normal. I want solid foods so bad. I know I am not hungry, just cravings I guess. The other day I actually snuck a chip out of someone's bag that they left in the break room. I chewed it up and spit it out. Pathetic! I'm hanging in there. I want to make good food choices and I plan to when I am aloud solids. I can't help to wonder if on occasion I will ever be able to enjoy or even taste the foods I used to love. I don't mean in excess. I just mean on occassion.
Sometimes I feel like I am starving but I think it might just be cravings. I am 12 days post op and I usually feel neither full nor hungry just right in between. However, when I go to dinner with someone eating yummy foods I start to feel like I am starving for whatever they are eating. Even when I am full (or at least I think I am) I still feel hungry for what they are eating. Is this normal? I think it is all in my head. Bad habits trying to surface. The hardest part is I am not sure what being full feels like since I am still on liquids. Is it easier to tell when you are full when you start eating solid food? The good news is I have lost 20 pounds since starting my pre op diet. So I guess it is working like it should be. Only 9 more days until I get to eat solids! Yay!
I am four days pre-op and beginning to feel the nerves that, until now, have manifested as more of a denial or unwillingness to accept the the finality of this chapter in my life. Every once in a while I begin to question my decision. Is this really necessary? Am I really that big? Does my size really bother me? I decided I needed to post some pictures of myself to chart my journey and realized I don't have any. I have refused to be in any pictures other than the few times I was successful in losing 20 or so pounds on a yo yo diet that, like the name, yo yoed right back on me. When I try to figure out how I have managed to take so few pictures in the last few years, I realize I am embarrassed or even unwilling to look at myself. When I pass full length mirrors or even a store window I Immediately look in the other direction a habit I developed when I was very young. I am embarking on possibly one of the biggest adventures of my life and I guess it is normal to be nervous or afraid. I hope I am making the right decision...
I tried to go back to work today only 4 days post op and was extremely fatigued and in quite a lot of pain. I am a hair stylist and I think it might have just been too much too soon. Hopefully I will feel better by Saturday.