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22 Months-Down 110 lbs. The Whole Story! :blush:

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My Journey

The Journey My Initial Stats: Initial BMI 42.5 Ideal BMI 23 Initial Weight 288.4 Ideal Weight 156 Total amount of wt. I have to lose- 132 Height in inches 68 (5'8")     Where I Am Today Current weight 178 Current BMI 27.1 total pounds I have lost - 110 total pounds I still need to lose - 22 percentage of wt. lost - 83.3% (total wt. lost divided by the total amount I have to lose- 132 pounds)     The Motivation: Christmas 2005 My daughter is getting married! She wants a big wedding. I'm so excited for her, but all I keep thinking about are the wedding pictures forever sitting on the mantle, with my fat arms and chubby chipmunk cheeks staring back at me. How will find a "special" dress that will fit right? Gowns in the bridal salon only go up to a size 24, and I am now a solid size 26. Oh the pain, and the panic! They've set the date for April 14th, 2007, so I have 15 1/2 months!   Mid January 06 - I read about Lap Band and begin to research. I can see from the start that I will have to be self pay because of small business group exclusion on my policy.   Early February 06 - I call St. Agnes and get the low down on attending their information night. Dr. Averbach is the speaker, as is his nurse, Cathy Carr. I go home after the meeting and talk to hubby, and he is willing to lay out the money from savings, though he is very, very concerned about the band's safety. He makes me get an appointment with our family doctor/ friend and discuss this with him. I bring info and get the doctor's ok. In 28 years of marriage I have never ask my husband for anything of this magnitude. It's so much money! In moments when the low self esteem kicks in, that small voice inside tries to tell me that I am not worth it. But I'm fighting back, and yes, yes, YES I AM worth it. I want this band so bad! I understand clearly that this journey will take three years. I will not be "skinny" by the wedding, but I should be well on my way. I'm ok with that. This wedding is the push that I've needed.   Late February 06 - the whirlwind has started. I need a psychological evaluation, a meeting with Cathy Carr, an evaluation with the nutritionist, a complete physical and blood work, and a meeting with the doctor. When all is said and done, I am scheduled for surgery four days after Easter- April 20th, 2006. The wedding is April 14th, 2007, so I have exactly ONE year.     THE JOURNEY Here We Go....... My 'OFFICIAL" pre-op starting wt. is 288+ but I am sure I gained a few pounds (at least a couple) between my initial weigh-in and the actual surgery date! :svengo:     4/20/06- surgery date - The journey begins! 2 wks. of liquid diet (15 pds. total for April) The surgery was worse than I thought it would be. I expected to be down for a day or two. I still feel rough after a week. Getting into a sitting up or lying down positions are the worst because it uses the tummy muscles. I have awful shoulder pain. Actually, it hurts worse than any of the incisions. Nothing really seems to help ease the pain. This is not fun! I am choosing to believe that each and every day will be getting better, and I am looking forward to tomorrow. :shocked: April total - 15lbs.     5/2/06 (12 days post op) 273 lbs.- begin mushies total wt loss- 15 lbs. :thumbsup: Mushies aren't so bad, though I have read that others have struggled with this phase. I am not really that hungry. I can eat about a cup of food, but they ARE mushies. I do miss being able to "crunch" foods. The incisions itch like crazy. I know this is part of the healing, but I wonder if I am allergic to the tape, the steri strips, or something else? It does seem to be worse when I am hot. It almost drives me crazy, but I am afraid I'll rip my incision open if I keep scratching. Even with the itching, I am sure I have done the right thing. I love my band!:Banane28:       5/16/06 (4 wk check-up) - wt loss 4 1/2 lbs. (268 1/2 lbs.)- start regular diet The first solid food was tuna salad. I was immediately stuck. Oh the pain! It lasted about 20 minutes, before I finally got "unstuck". Think smaller bites, Kim! I am also having an awful time with Ketosis. My breath is beyond foul. I brush, I floss, I brush my tongue, I eat breath mints, I gargle, but NOTHING HELPS. To make matters worse, I smell bad. I smell like I need a good shower. Even after I take a shower, I feel like I still smell bad. I scrub, I buff, I use deodorant soap, and I STILL smell bad. The smell is stuck on my skin. My face feels like someone smeared cooking oil on it. In fact, my whole body feels oily, and I have always had DRY SKIN. My hair is greasy. I'm a mess! I know that this too will pass, but right now it's pretty gross. I am trying to drink more water, and eat more proteins. total loss- 19 1/2 lbs. :bathbaby: I need to focus on good things. I am so proud of myself. One half pound shy of 20 pounds that are GONE FOREVER.     5/30/06 (6 wk check-up) - wt loss 4 1/2 lbs. (264 lbs.) Dr. says not to return until 2 wks without wt loss. He will schedule fill at that time. Bring food diary when I come for first fill. My port is still sore. It's not painful (unless I lift something heavy), but it often hurts. total loss- 23 1/2 lbs. (9 pounds total for May)     6/13/06 (8 wks post-op) - still no fill - down 4 lbs. to 260 total loss- 28 lbs. :biggrin: I am learning what I can and what I can not eat. I can eat steak(which is a surprise). I can not eat chicken. I can not eat soft bread. I can not eat fresh green beans. I love and miss the chicken and bread. This is really a bummer. But I need to stay focused on what I can eat. No turning back now. :hurray:     6/20/06 (9 weeks post-op) lost 2lbs. Current wt. 258 total loss - 30 lbs. :thumbsup: (6 pds. total for June) My port is right at the waistband of my pants. I have made the correlation between port pain and semi-tight elastic. I can feel it if it rubs. My pants don't even have to be tight. It has everything to do with where the waistband hits. Twice now the pain went away as soon as I took off my pants. :idea: June total lost- 6 lbs.     7/3/06 (11 weeks) down 2 pounds to 256. (only 2 pounds in the last 2 weeks) Total loss 32 pounds! - I've been struggling! I have NO restriction, so I knew it was time for my first fill! Yuck! It hurts! I found out I have an "Inamed" brand band, 10cm size (average). The first fill is usually 2 cc's - which is what I got! I'm back on track and so far, so good! I can feel restriction and I am eating less. Dr says next fill is going to be under xray so that he can check up on things and look at the band. He is very very pleased with my progress. He said the first year goal is 30% loss, 20% the second and 20% the third years. I am already at 23% loss after the first 3 months, so I should be able to make the 30% goal very easily! :yesnod:     7/10/06- wk. 12 - wt. 253 (down 3 lbs.) I have more restriction than before, but not enough. Let's see how it goes! I am having some problems with gas. This is a new issue. How embarrassing! Sometimes I'm so loud. I also have constipation. That is a much easier problem to take care of. Occasional gas is a small price to pay for losing 35 pounds. :behindsofa:       April 15, 2006 - 288 lbs. July 1, 2006 - 256 lbs. Sept. 28, 2006 - 234 lbs. Jan. 20, 2007 - 224 lbs. April 14, 2007 - 214 lbs. Oct. 18, 2007 - 181 lbs.   7/18/06 - wk. 13 - 252 (1 pound). Well, hubby now says he can notice the weight loss. I catch him looking at me. I think he likes what he's seeing! He's now working out harder than before. I have virtually no restriction to speak of. Wt is coming off at about a pound a week. I guess that's ok. Could be better though. So slooowww. Lord, I need patience! :cryin:     7/25/06 - wk. 14 - 251 (1 pound) Not too bad considering we ate out alot this week. I have more restriction now, and I'm not real sure why. I guess I'm just glad I do have some! Thirty seven pounds gone forever! My clothes are getting loose now, and I can see the weight loss in my face. It's a bummer though that no one has noticed or said anything about the fact that I'm losing weight. Well, that's not totally true. The mail lady saw me and said something. God bless her! She'll never know how much I needed that little boost. (7 pounds total for July) :clap:     8/1/06- 2nd fill- lots of restriction! I did a dumb thing. I got a fill, then left the next day for vacation in Mexico. I could have really been in trouble if I would have needed an unfill. Not real smart, Kim! I think my restriction is worse because of flying. I can't eat much at all, a few bites here and there. I'm sad that I can't eat all the delicious vacation food, but I'm also happy that my band is slowing me down from eating all the delicious vacation food, otherwise I'd overeat, just because it's there. I wish I had more self control. I wish food wasn't such an "issue" for me. I am so happy to have my band. I have to focus on SELF DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR :boom: August total lost- 9 lbs.     9/7/06- 241 (10 pounds) 44 days since last weight check that's 10 pounds in 6 weeks. I'm going slow, but at least it's steady! Embarrassing moment- I was at the church picnic and got "stuck". I fought it, and kept swallowing (very bad move). Finally I could stand it no longer, but when I headed for the ladies room, the line was huge. I ran around the back of the building just in time. I pb'ed a HUGE amount of nasty, stringy mucus right there in the grass. I kept praying that no one would walk by and find me retching mucus in the grass. My eyes were watering, and I had strings coming out of both my nose and mouth. Of course, not a tissue in sight. Oh, how awful. Definitely a LOW moment. :puke:     10/26/06 - 230 (11 pounds) 49 days since last weight. Losing at about the same rate. Seven weeks exactly. That's still about 10 pounds per six weeks. That's still slow and steady. I have noticed that my band becomes tight or loose, depending on my monthly cycle. I guess it has to do with fluids and/ or swelling. I sure can tell a difference though just from week to week. :target:     11/13/06- 230 (0 pounds lost) Frustrating! Time for another fill? Not sure what's up! I am struggling with finding things in my wardrobe that will fit. Everything I wear is huge on me. I did break down and bought a couple pairs of winter pants. I know they won't fit by next fall, but I really needed the clothes. I got an inexpensive black blazer, a pair of black pants and a pair of jeans. I can change the look of the blazer with different shirts and scarfs. I noticed that even my black loafers from last year are sloppy on me. So I guess that means I've lost weight in my feet? :confused5:     11/22/06- 228 (2 pounds lost) Finally, the scale moved! I've got to watch the desserts!!!!!!! Oh that darn sweet tooth. That makes only 2 pounds lost in the last 27 days. I've got to do better than this!:lost2lbs:     11/29/06- 227 (1 pound) Still lost weight, and got through Thanksgiving Yeaaa!!!! :biggrin3: September, October and November total loss- 15 lbs.     12/6/06 - 226 (1 pound) Slow, but still losing. Bought boots that fit over my calf and a XL Christmas dress. I can't even remember the last time I owned a pair of boots. I was looking at them, wishing like always that I could buy a pair, and in a moment of abandon I slipped off my shoe and slid on the boot. It went over my calf with ease. I got all filled up right there in the Walmart! I floated on a cloud the rest of the day. I can't wait to get dressed up and surprise hubby! I know he's going to love them! It's all really starting to pay off! One pound a week isn't the best, but I'm happy with it, especially in winter. :rolleyes5:     12/13/06- 225 (1 pound) It's been a hungry week. Too much Christmas junk food in the house and lots of "teenage drama" going on makes me want to run to the pantry. I have to learn to control the emotional eating. That's really been hard for me. It's not something the band can do for me. It's not even because I'm hungry. It's all about self control. I'm feeding myself to comfort myself. Stuffing food to stuff down the emotions. Christmas can be such a stressful time with so many different emotions. I am trying so hard to stay on track! Different businesses keep sending goodies and gift baskets to my husband's company. We've gotten TONS of cookies, candy, nuts, cocoas, cheeses, oh the list goes on and on..... I keep giving it away and more seems to grow in it's place. :mad3:     12/20/06- 224 (1 pound) Lots of Christmas goodies! Oh the temptations. I've started doing a little bit of reading about tummy tucks, breast lifts, arm skin reduction etc. It scares the bejeebees out of me. It looks so painful. I think it's so much more involved than the actual lap band surgery. I'm not sure what I will need, but the arms and tummy are sagging already. It doesn't look awful yet, but I still have such a long way to go. :svengo: December weight loss= 3 lbs.     1/19/07- 224 (same) back on track. I didn't lose over Christmas, and in fact, I really didn't gain. I just stayed the same weight. Time to clean out the pantry and get serious. I have really been noticing portion size. I see for the first time how much food restaurants consider to be a "portion". It wasn't so long ago that I could eat an appetizer, bread, and a cocktail, a salad, an entrée with sides, coffee and dessert. When they bring my plate now I just stare in disbelief at all the food. It's enough to feed me for days! Waiters always ask if something is wrong with the food because I don't eat much of it. I have just learned to ask for a box to take the leftovers home. Sometimes I can eat the leftovers, but sometimes they are just too dry to get down on the second day. :lightbulb:       1/20/07- Yes, the band is working. I am not losing as fast as some people on the boards, but I AM losing. The non-scale victories continue to amaze me each day. * I fit in the regular stall in public restrooms now. * I don't get stuck in chairs that have arms anymore. * I don't need a seat belt extender anymore on airplanes. *I can sit on a folding chair without being afraid it won't hold my weight. * I fit in the bucket seat of my little car. * My Henderson wetsuit ALMOST fits. Just a couple more pounds and it will look great! * I weigh less than the weight listed on my driver's license.     I see all these victories, yet I still continue to think like a large person. My mind hasn't caught up with my body. * Until recently, I was still ordering large size portions without thinking. * Sometimes I forget to chew, chew, chew. Then I end up PBing for a half hour. * I still crave sweets. * I still hate to exercise.   Though I don't like to admit it, I really hate... * that some of my favorite clothes no longer fit. * that I can't eat what I want. * that I have lost about half of my hair * PBing in a filthy public toilet. * Losing my boobies. * The sagging tummy skin * the scars from my incisions No weight lost in January       2/06/07- (224.9) This is my weight and stats according to Dr. Averbach and his magic scale. According to his records I have lost 63.5 pounds. I have a 10 cm band filled 3.2cc. This is my third fill. I know that each fill is supposed to be half of the size of the last fill. The maximum fill is 4cc. February weight loss 4lbs.       3/2/07 (220) (24 days) Yay! Not much restriction, but at least I'm losing! Thank you, Lord! :thumbup:       3/26/07 (216) (24 days) Four pounds! Yea! I'm working much harder these days. I HAVE to get into my gown for my daughter's wedding. If it doesn't look right, it will be no one's fault but my own. March weight loss- 4 lbs.     4/5/07 (214) (10 days) I lost 2 pounds. Only nine days until the wedding! I tried on my gown, and I can't believe the girl staring back at me in the mirror. Who is she? What a life-changing year this has been. I feel so blessed to have been given this chance.:rose:     4/15/07- (One day after the wedding) How can one three letter word have so much power? I finished dressing yesterday and came out to show my husband my dress. He just stood there frozen, eyes wide, staring at me, and for a few seconds I thought he didn't like my dress. And then, all he said was "wow". But it wasn't just "wow", it was more like "WOW", and in that moment his eyes said it all. The pain of the surgery, the fills, the pb'ing, in that moment it all became sooo worth it! It was one of those "heart moments" I'll always treasure, and NEVER forget. In the light of his eyes, I could see that he was so very proud of me! And you know what else? I AM SO VERY PROUD OF ME TOO! Underneath the ugly, fat duckling, just maybe there IS a beautiful swan fighting to get out. And the wedding...well, it was perfect! My sweet baby girl looked like a princess. She is SO happy, and so in love. Oh yeah, and the wedding pictures that will be on my mantle WILL BE GREAT! How far I have come in just ONE year! :heart: April weight loss- 2 lbs.         May weight loss- 1 lb. gained :eek:       6/19/07 (215.3) (6 wks) I've yo-yo'ed between 213-216 for the past 6 weeks. I have no restriction. I went and saw Dr. Averbach today for my 4th fill. Both he and Cathy Carr continue to say I'm doing great, though the last few months have been so slow. He added 1/2 cc. That means I have 3.7 cc in my band. Wow! Do I have restriction now! I think I'm too tight, but I want to work with it for awhile and see how it goes. After more than 1 year I can finally say I have restriction. I now understand some of the things they were saying, like don't drink for 1/2 hour before eating. I've never had to worry about this before. I could always drink. Well, there is no doubt that I'll be losing weight again real soon! I am going to the store for protein shakes today. I can comfortably eat about 2 tablespoons of food. I really need to watch my fluid intake. I don't want to dehydrate. I know I can get into trouble real fast here if I'm not careful. I also put a styrofoam cup and extra napkins in my car in case I have to pb while I am out somewhere :driving:       6/25/07 (209) What a bummer day. I had been out all morning, it was HOT outside and I was waiting at the car wash. It was 1pm and I was so hungry. I hadn't eaten all day. I was so tight early this morning. They sell ice cream kiddie cups at the car wash. I KNOW I shouldn't have bought and ate one, but well, I just caved and sat there minding my own business, eating my kiddie cup. A lady came in and sat beside me. She had a bag of cookies and offered one to the man on her right. They chatted for a minute, then she turned to me and said loudly "I'd offer YOU one, but I see you're already having your treat for the day and I don't want to be an enabler". OUCH! How does one respond to something like that? I was shocked, angry, and embarrassed. Chalk up one more painful comment to add to the list. Why are some people so cruel? I just sat there and thought "lady, you don't have a clue!" It really took the wind out of my sails, because I've been so proud of my appearance lately. Yes, I still have a long way to go, but LOOK HOW FAR I'VE COME. Ewwwww, I get soooo mad, but I won't give up my power to someone who hasn't got a clue about my life. :cuss:     6/27/07 (208)(8 days) Well, 7.3 pounds this week. Yup, I've got restriction. I've spent the last week forcing fluids and pb'ing. Yuck! I have loosened up a little bit, but not enough yet. I have to be careful here. I'm not used to having to chew, chew chew. On Sunday I got a bean stuck and it tortured me all afternoon. I'm relearning more everyday. Is this worth it? Right now, yes, but darn is this hard. :hurt: June weight loss- 7 lbs.     7/2/07 (205) (6 days) 3 pounds since last weight check. Whoever says this is the easy way out doesn't have a clue. I'm learning to work with the restriction, but it's not been easy. I am very limited in what I can eat. Even taking my pills takes most of the morning. The evening loosens the band up quite a bit, but bites have to be smaller than the nail on my baby finger. Anything more gets stuck. It takes forever to eat 1/4 cup. I think about fluid intake all the time. I watch my urine for signs that I'm not drinking enough (dark yellow vs. clear). I've read about banded people dehydrating and ending up in the hospital. I can't have that happen. I want to hold on and lose this weight. I feel I'm getting closer everyday. No turning back now. I have to keep focused on positive things. Hmmm, here's a positive... hubby says I am getting much more "flexible". HeHeHe :blush2:     7/11/07 (203) (9 days since last entry) 2 pounds since last weight check. I am so glad I stuck it out and didn't get an unfill. The restriction has loosened up quite a bit. While it's true that I'm still very tight, I can eat much better now. I am back in ketosis again. I hate ketosis. My skin and hair are oily and my breath is awful! I am hoping it gets better now that I can eat and drink more. I have a new non-scale victory. My size 18 pants are starting to get loose on me. It's almost time to say goodbye to Lane Bryant! :lol2:   7/18/07 - (201) Leaving for vacation tomorrow. :thumbup:   7/27/07- (203) Returned from a great diving vacation in Mexico. My new wet suit worked out great, though I do seem to get cold much faster these days. I guess I really don't have the body fat that I used to have. I do need to get a new bcd soon, as my old one is falling off me now. I always use extra weight in Mexico, because the water is very salty there. Still, I am down to using 18 pounds. Pretty darn good! Bummer- I gained two pounds on vacation, but I do love the food there! Opps! :mad3:   Total loss for July is 3 pounds. I lost 5, but gained back two. :mad:   8/6/07 (199) Well, vacation was a set-back, but I got back on track, and lost the weight I gained. Today was the big RED LETTER DAY I've waited so long for. Today I hit 199 pounds. I am finally in "Onederland". I haven't been at this weight for so many years! It feels GREAT! :clap2:   8/9/07 (198) I'm doing alot of swimming. It really makes a difference, and it certainly is an exercise I enjoy. Yesterday I ate one of Josh's french fries from McDonald's and immediately became stuck. I am still sore and I hurt today. No solids for another day or so! :sad:   8/27/07 (196)(Monday) Last Wednesday I threw up after dinner. I guess I became irritated, and threw up again on Thursday at the party. Then on Friday night I threw up the tomato soup I had for dinner. Saturday and Sunday I couldn't keep down any fluids and by today (Monday) I was seriously dehydrated. I went into St. Agnes. Dr Averbach met me there. I had three bags of i.v. fluids, and he removed the fluids from my band. I am wide open with no restriction now. I have to be this way for 2 weeks while my tummy heals. I have been worried this would happen. I thank God that the band didn't slip or erode. I was so worried that I had done something to it. I feel awful. I really think I might have something gastric going on. :puke:   September 11, 2007- (lbs.) Well, I've gained a few pounds. No surprise! I've had no restriction since the band has been wide open. The worst part is that all the old cravings and obsessions have returned. I think about food alot, and crave certain things relentlessly. I saw Dr. Averbach today, and he agreed to a re-fill. He only filled me to 2.5. I use to be 3.7 with a maximum of 4.0, so I have lots of room for more fills. I am really tight. This surprises me, but I guess it's a good thing. It feels good to get back on track. It feels good to be back in control of "me" again. :rolleyes2:   Sept. 24, '07- (194 lbs) I lost the weight I gained while I was unfilled, plus 2 extra pounds, so I am definitely back on track. My next big goal is to be down 100 pounds. I only have 6 pounds to lose to make this goal. I know I can do it! :biggrin2:   Sept 26, '07- (192 lbs.) I'm down two more pounds! Now I only have four pounds to go! Wow! I am so excited! :Dancing_biggrin:   October 2, '07 (187lbs.) Well, I did it! I'm down 100 pounds. I keep looking at the scale in disbelief. I have waited so long for this day. So much has changed for me in the last 18 months. No more staring. No more mean and hurtful comments. No more fears about chairs that might break or places that I might not fit. I am in-between sizes. I think I am somewhere between a 14 and a 16. I really want to be a 12, so I still have a long way to go, but look how far I've come! I love my band! :party:     Oct.3,'07- Last night I went to my son's school for a function. I saw several moms there that I haven't seen since winter/spring. For the 3rd time now, someone didn't recognize me. I am getting comments all the time now, and I have to admit, it feels great! I get the feeling that everyone thought I would start to gain again after the wedding. I do feel self-conscious when I eat in front of others. I always feel like others are watching me. I'm not sure what they are thinking, but I just know I'm being watched. :rolleyes5:   Oct. 9, '07- (184) I've been losing weight too fast. I have reflux at night, and I am having trouble with solid foods. I needed an unfill. I went to see Dr. Averbach today. I had been filled to 2.5 cc's. When he removed the fluid, there was just 2.0 cc's in the band, so he took me down to 1.6 cc's. I got relief almost instantly, and the nausea went away. I need a few days to make sure this is the correct fill. if not, I'll go back for another adjustment. Now I need to eat and drink and build up my body again. I have been so tired, and I haven't felt like doing much of anything. Yesterday I had to return something at the store before the 30 days was up. I looked around while I was there, since I have NO pants that fit. I tried on 3 pairs. I am a perfect size 14 pants. Wow!!!!!! I have said all along that I would be thrilled if I could ever get into a 14. That has always been a goal. Well, I made the goal in 1 1/2 years. I stood in the dressing room and just stared in disbelief. I just savored the moment. It's been so many years since I've been at this weight. Life is great!!!! :hurray:   10/15/07- (pounds) Well, I didn't lose anything this week, but I've been trying hard to rebuild my body. I really needed food and fluids. I have been tired with NO energy. It's an effort to do anything. I was also in Ketosis again. I HATE the oily skin and stinky breath. I've been pushing the proteins and I should be ok any day now. I spent the weekend cleaning out my closet. I had ONE winter shirt that fit! I had no casual clothes. Even my shoes are huge. I am walking out of my loafers. It's also time for new unders. Everything is BAGGY. On Saturday hubby took me to Coldwater Creek to get me some new things. I have seen their catalog, but I've never been in the store before. Oh my gosh, the clothes are beautiful! I found out I am a size 14 pants, and a 12-14 top and jacket. As I tried on things I felt so stylish. The salesgirls are so nice in there. They kept asking what size I needed, what pieces I needed for my wardrobe. I'm thinking umm, I need everything, and I don't have a clue what size I am. I just stood in front of the mirror with tears in my eyes. Finally I had to confess to the saleslady about my journey. I don't know what the latest fashion is, or my size, and I've never been in a store like this, let alone know what "cut" of pants I need. I was so happy that they were such kind and understanding women. I really got some pretty things. I was wiped out that night. Hubby has no clue just how overwhelming the day was. Oh yeah, and on Sunday I looked awesome for church. :success1:   Oct. 29,'07- 178 (lost 110 pounds) Well, I am still too tight. I go Wednesday the 31st for another unfill. I have 1.6 cc and I still can't get most solid foods down. I have heartburn and reflux all night long. I am not sleeping well, since I sleep sitting up. It's getting old quickly. We leave Sunday for Puerto Rico, and I know I can't go this overfilled. I get tight when I fly anyway. If I flew as tight as I am now, I wouldn't even be able to get water down. I am confused as to why this is happening, but I have to get it right. It's going to take awhile to pack for this trip, because none of my summer clothes fit anymore. I just made them work at the end of the summer, knowing that I would buy new fall things, but I totally forgot about that I would need summer things a few different times this winter. Maybe I can take a few things in... Hmm It took 110 pounds, but now everyone comments to me all the time now about my weight loss. It feels good. I can't tell you how many people say dumb stuff about not loosing any more because I look perfect now. I just tell them we'll see how it goes... :scales:   Oct.31, '07 - I went back to see the doctor about an unfill. He told me I had 1.6 in the band, but when he withdrew the fluid, I really had 2.0. I guess he "found" .4 of the "missing" .5cc's he "lost" back on October 9th. He was going to empty the band, but I ask him not to. He took me back to 1.0cc's. I have no restriction at all. I am not going to worry about it for now. We leave in a few days for vacation, and I'm always tight after I fly. I don't want to be so tight that I can't even drink water. I'll wait till I get back and then I'll deal with it. My guess is that I need 1.5 . The fill was very painful. It took countless times before he was able to access the port. Finally, he threw away the needle, and got a new one. The new needle went in the very first time, so the needle he was using was bent and defective. OUCH!!!! :cursing:     November 13, '07- (184) Wow! I really gained on vacation. We had an awesome time, and the food was great, but now it's time to pay the piper. My dive suit fit great, and I am down to using 16 pounds of weight. Before surgery, I was using 21 lbs. of weight, I've been able to eliminate 5 whole pounds from my BCD. Awesome!!!! I went to see Dr. Averbach today, and he filled me to 1.5 . We'll see how it goes. I know when I went in for my unfill in October that I was was dehydrated. I knew I would gain a couple of pounds right away because I hadn't eaten. I figured my set weight was somewhere around 180 when we left for vacation, so that means I gained 4 pounds in Puerto Rico. See, this is life without any restriction. Once again it proves that I can't live without my band. The old cravings and obsessions come flooding back almost instantly when I am not filled. I am so glad to have this new fill. Now, I'll get back on track. :wink:     Tues. November 20 - (181) Well, I lost three pounds fairly effortlessly. I'm getting back to where I was before vacation. Thanksgiving is this Thursday. I will be happy if I can just maintain the weight I am at now. :confused_smile:   Monday Nov.26, '07- (178) Well, I made it back to where I was, and I got through Thanksgiving. Now I just need to maintain. I thought it would be easy since Thanksgiving is over, but noooooo, hubby decided since we had dinner at his mom's house that he wanted US to have a big Thanksgiving dinner. I cooked all day, and now the fridge is full of LEFTOVERS. It's hard to have all the "favorites" right there, staring at me each time I open the fridge door. On a positive note, my restriction is MUCH better. I'm at a good place right now, and that helps me to not overeat. Even if I eat more than I should, that translates to a couple extra tablespoons, and not plate after heaping plate of food. I had small "tastes" of everything. I will be so happy to get through the holiday "food fests" though. :biggrin1: Since late summer, I have had a new "issue". I am ALWAYS cold. Not just chilly, I mean COLD. At first it was funny, and hubby joked, but now that the cold weather is here, I am cold all the time. Hubby says that I just don't have the body fat anymore, but I wonder if something more is going on. Hmmmm...:smokin:   December 1,'07- (177) (Down one pound) Hubby told me that I could have some new clothes for Christmas. I needed a winter coat since mine was a 3x. It was HUGE on me. I also needed some shoes. I have gone from a size 10 to a size 9. I had been stuffing the toes of my shoes with tissue so that they wouldn't come off when I walked. It feels good to have shoes that fit, and my new coat is nice and warm, and stylish too. I love the pair of Coldwater Creek jeans I got in mid October. Hubby likes them too, and he told me to go get a couple more. I also found a nice Christmas outfit. I tried on a pretty jacket and the "large" was too big. The nice saleslady said she would bring me back a "medium" to try. While I was waiting, I tried on the jeans. The size 12 fit great. I stood there looking into the mirror in disbelief. I've always said I would be happy if I could get down to a size 14, and I would be deliriously happy if I could ever be a 12. Well, here I stood wearing the size 12. I may not have attained my doctor's goal yet, but I sure made my personal goal. I started to fill up, right there in the dressing room. Then the saleslady came back and called my name. As she walked toward the dressing room she said very loudly "I have your size MEDIUM" and opened the door to hand it in to me. My head began to swirl. My size MEDIUM? MY size medium? Oh my gosh, she's really talking to me! I wear a SIZE MEDIUM. I just burst into tears right then and there. The saleslady's eyes got wide, and she said "Are you alright, honey?" All I could get out was "I wear a size 12". She thought I was upset because I had to buy a size 12 (because I had gained weight or something). She tripped over her words, and said something about how nice they fit me and how good they looked on me, and not to be upset. For so many years I have wanted to be a size 12, but it was always just a pipe dream. I never ever dared to dream that this day would come! Just 19 1/2 months ago the saleslady would have said in a loud voice "I have your size 26", and I would have cringed in embarrassment. I quickly explained, and my nice saleslady looked relieved. I guess she thought I was a nut case or something. Every day brings new wonders and experiences. I feel as though I have been born again into a new body and a new life.   Dec. 17th, 2007- I have been yo-yoing between 177-178. I think I might need a very, very small fill. I also need to stop eating the sweets and Christmas goodies. Hmmm, easier said than done. I haven't been too bad, but I need to get off this plateau :bored:     Dec 23rd, 2007- This is from something I posted here on the boards. I wanted to include it in my diary. It was from a thread called "Keeping It (your band) A Secret" I was banded 20 months ago (size 26), and chose to tell very few people. After the first 50 pounds, everyone began to ask what diet I was using. My standard answer was "The My Daughter's Getting Married And I'm In The Pictures Diet." Everyone would chuckle, and empathize regardless of their size. It was a great way to deflect uncomfortable questions and turn their attention elsewhere. Well, the wedding was this past April. By then I was down 74 pounds (size 18). I was not yet at goal (I'm still not), but I was well on my way. In the past few weeks I have seen a number of people at Christmas parties that I had not seen since the wedding. I am now a size 12, and down 110 pounds. While I admit I HAVE received many nice complements, you would not believe the things others have said to me. I heard "Don't you dare lose any more weight, you're perfect right now." Huh? Isn't that for me and my doctor to decide? Two different people said "I thought you'd start to gain again after the wedding, but gee, you lost more". Wow, I think there's a compliment in there somewhere. One women watched me like a hawk at dinner last night to see what and how much I was eating. She even called to me from across the long banquet table to ask me what I was ordering for dinner. It was so uncomfortable. As I left the party, two said something along the lines of "you look great, now don't start gaining it back again!". Hmmm, don't lose weight. Don't gain weight. Everyone's got unsolicited advise and opinions for me whether I told them about my surgery or not. I don't think their comments were meant to be mean spirited. The fact is, some people just say what others may be thinking, but are afraid to say. I know now that some people who were supportive of my weight loss still expect that I will gain the weight back. My point is, deciding who to tell, and what to say or not say about your surgery is one of the decisions you have to make early on. But the truth is, in the end it doesn't really matter whether they know or not. Because of the dramatic changes in your weight, they WILL comment to you and about you, offering you their unsolicited advise and opinions. I guess shortgal's comments are right "We have been judged our whole life and then we do this and we will still be judged.... for not losing fast enough, or losing too much, or eating too much, or not eating enough!". Sadly, sometimes this happens whether you have chosen to share your WLS journey with others or not.     January 10, 2008- (281) Well, as always, I am paying for my abandon at vacation. I gained weight. I just don't do well when I am away. I do so much better when I can jump on a scale everyday. I think I just have to physically SEE the numbers on the scale. I've had pretty loose restriction and I need a small fill. I called for an appointment, but the office was closed. I'll call again tomorrow. I am chairperson for the fashion show fundraiser at my son's school. At the meeting Tuesday night we were discussing retailers that are loaning us clothes for the show. I ask why Lexington Lady hadn't been included in the list of stores (the large woman's store). The head of fashions committee ( a small lady) said that Vassares told her that they could accommodate all sizes, so we really didn't need a plus size store on our list. I know for a fact that some of our mom models are plus size, so I told her "no, Vassares only carries smaller sizes" and that I knew this because I had to special order my gown for my daughter's wedding last spring (they had NO plus sizes). I wasn't even thinking when I said it. It just kind-of tumbled out. One lady spoke up and said that if Vassares didn't have a gown that fit me, then they wouldn't have a gown that would fit anyone there at the meeting. Oh my gosh! What did I just say? I opened my big mouth. These women don't know me. They don't know my story, and they sure don't know that I was a size 18 last spring, let alone a size 26 only 20 months ago. All they see now is the size 12 lady standing there in front of them. I blushed (I could feel the color burn in my cheeks). I stammered and stumbled over my words. I just wanted to disappear. I remember choking out something about losing alot of weight. I ask the chairperson to please get clarification as to EXACTLY what size Vassares went up to, then I sat down quickly. The room was quiet and all eyes were on me. It was an awful, awkward moment. Why do I ALWAYS forget I am thinner now? I still feel anxious waiting in line for a public bathroom. :confused2: I ALWAYS forget that I fit in the stall now. I was uncomfortable on the airplane because I didn't want to use the restroom. I was afraid the stall was too small. I know what my eyes see in the mirror, but my head just hasn't caught up with my body. It's the strangest thing. I STILL think I'm a big woman. Yet every day I see and experience new wonders. We were in Disney World with 8 teenagers last week. I kept pace with them! I can walk faster than my husband now. For the first time EVER, I had to wait for HIM to catch up with ME! I went shopping in the Disney store and I bought a Minnie sweatshirt. Disney clothes for women only go up to a 2x. The men's clothes are a size bigger. I wanted a Minnie shirt when we were there two years ago, but only the men's plus clothes fit me, so I only had a handful of choices to select from, and there was certainly nothing feminine in the men's clothing line. Well, now I am the proud owner of a PINK MINNIE zip-up sweatshirt. It's a little thing, I know, but it just makes me sooo happy. Yup, it's the little things in life that bring me such joy these days. I walked the dog this morning, and he started to run uphill to get back to the house (he was cold). I started running too, and I ran all the way up the hill. Oh my gosh, last year I could barely WALK up that hill without puffing and blowing. The same thing happens when I run up the steps in my house. No more stopping at the top step to get my breath. It's really not that I am in good shape now, (nothing could be farther from the truth) but my heart doesn't feel like it's about to beat out of my chest anymore, so I think it's not as stressed as it was, and it certainly doesn't have to work as hard as it use to. Yup, it's all the little things. :Banane57: I am sooo blessed!   January 15th, 2008 (281) Well, I gained weight over the holidays and vacation. No great surprise there. I am not going to beat myself up. I'm just going to move on and start fresh. I got my fill today. I was filled to 1.5cc. Now I am filled to 2.0. The doctor had no problem with filling me the half cc. In fact, he said that 2cc. is the beginning fill that he does for this size band. I guess that means that 21 months out, I just now have the "average" beginning fill. That's pretty cool because it gives me lots of room for more fills, should I need them. I do have more restriction now. I will give it a month and see how I do. My restriction always depends on the "time of the month". I've had a partial hysterectomy, so I'm never sure what point of my cycle I'm at. I'm ready to get serious again and get the rest of the weight off. I can accept it if I don't lose any more. I've met my personal goals, but I really would like to try to get to my goal weight. I tried on a sweater from Target today and the size large was too small for me. I guess I needed a xl in that sweater. My thinking is that I must have gotten it from the junior department. I think the junior department is a full size smaller than the regular ladies department. I would like to be able to buy things from ANY department. I'm going to give it my best shot. Dr Averbach is thrilled with my weight loss. He said I was the "highest percentage of weight lost" patient he's had. I was very surprised. I read about people every day on the boards who have made it to goal and beyond. I know this is "do-able".:cheated:   January 17th, 2008 (280) I wanted to write about my relationship with my husband. I've had a great marriage for 28 years to an awesome man. We were both thin when we married, and both became obese. My husband has always told me he finds me sexy, no matter what I weigh. I am very thankful for that. Initially, he was very nervous about the safety of the procedure and needed some heavy duty convincing. He has been very supportive of me since day one. I see a new excitement in him since the weight has come off. Though we haven't talked about it, I am sure he finds me more attractive. He has taken me out shopping several times, and LOVES it when I am dressed up and on his arm. He loves it when his guy buddies make comments about his "hot woman". He tells me all the time how beautiful I am. I have joked to my girlfriends that I have become my own "second wife" or mistress, because that is exactly the way he treats me now. It's so wonderful to have a man who loves me so much. :wub: Then there is the other side of the coin... I have seen some insecurity in him since I have lost the weight. Twice we have been out and other men have flirted with me. He is very aware that this happens now. I had a long talk with him last week, and he said he is insecure that I will no longer find him attractive because he has not lost HIS extra weight. I told him again that I would do anything he wanted to help and support him with his weight loss, but that I love him no matter what he weighs. I even talked to him about the lap band, but to date he has not been very receptive. He acknowledged that I do always tell him how sexy I find him, and that he sees how much I desire him. He tells me it's not my actions with him or other men that cause the insecurity. It's all in his mind. I have been trying harder to make him feel that he is the most wonderful, sexy man in the world (and he IS!). I am hoping this passes with time. I am careful to NEVER let my eye stray when we are out in public. I am trying harder to dote and fawn on him, and make him feel special. Beyond this, there's not much I can do. Why did I blog about this? I guess I've been thinking that if these issues come up in marriages that are not stressed, then what must happen with marriages that ARE under stress? I thought so hard about how the Lap Band surgery would affect me, but I never thought about it would change relationships and affect the whole family. My children will never be teased again about their "fat" mother. My husband has his "new" wife, and new insecurities. My sister-in-law has been acting jealous lately. My aunt has been critical, and thinks I should have tried the South Beach diet. Yup, Lap Band changes family dynamics! :tt1:     1/17/08 Since there is so much confusion about the different kinds of bands, I did some research. Here's what I found out...   The brand name of Lap Bands use in the United States use to be called BioEnterics bands. The company sold out and now they are known as Inamed and/or Allergan brand bands.   The size of your band (it's length) is measured in centimeters (cm)   The fill capacity of your band is measured in milliliters (ml or the more commonly used abbreviation cc). The manufacturer's recommended fill capacity is NOT always followed by all doctors!   There are 5 sizes of Inamed and /or Allergan bands. Three are the "older style" and two are the newer style bands. Each has a different length and fill capacity. The   Older Style (Allergan has no current plans to discontinue these bands) length / capacity   1. 9.75cm/4cc   2. 10cm/4cc   3. 14cm/10cc (can be pushed to 11 cc) (this is called the Vanguard or VG band)   Newer Style (next generation) Bands: (I am unsure of the length on these)   4. APS (small) holds 10cc   5. APL (large) holds 14cc The newer style bands are considered less likely to cause blockage, obstruction, erosion or slippage than other AGP types. The bands are curved, and are made of a new softer silicone material.
Like the VG (Vanguard) band, the new bands are "Omniform" technology - i.e. the balloon has ribs or baffles , and is pleated to grip the stomach better.
The new AP bands have more of a 360 (concentric, rounded) inflation around the stomach as opposed to the older 9.75cm and 10cm(4cc) bands, which have more like 260 or 280 degrees inflation (the rest being the buckle), and the VG band which has more like 280 or 300. It is understood that this was simply an upgrade to the existing band to make it easier and less traumatic to remove.
The balloon on the new band goes all the way around the inner surface of the band, rather than missing a piece at the locking mechanism. The locking mechanism is isolated from the stomach.
The balloon is wider on the new band. A side view shows the balloon protruding top & bottom rather than sitting flush.
The new bands have an easier release mechanism to remove the band if need be.
KimInMD

KimInMD

13
 

It's Awful Not To Be In Control!

After 6 weeks unfilled, I was finally given a fill to 1.0 (out of 4.0). Basically, there was no difference. My second fill a few weeks ago was .8 so I now have 1.8 I still have almost no restriction. I can go again in a couple more weeks for a third fill, but do I want to pay for another fill if I am going to have gall bladder surgery? Being unfilled, the old food obsessions came flooding back. I was hungry all the time. I picked up about 14 pounds since February. I have since lost 4, so I still have 10 to go. With some restriction and warm weather (to exercise more) I should be able to get it off. My lap band Dr. has said he will do the gall bladder surgery any time I am ready. I still have pain when I eat high fat, so I know the darn thing has to come out. I just hate that I will have to stay unfilled for 6 weeks post op. I hate gaining weight, and fighting with my body. Yes, I have learned new thinking, but if I could stick to diets before I would have never needed the LB surgery in the first place. I HATE the food obsessions. I hate the thoughts of being out of commission for so long. I'm scared, no TERRIFIED I'll gain the weight back. Son's court date is this summer too. I'm worried about that. It looms in the back of my mind. It's not shaping up to be the best of summers. Big Sigh... :thumbdown: I hate when things are out of my control. I really have a need to be in control of every situation. I've come so far, but I see just how more more work I still have to do with myself. It's hard for me to remember I am still a work in progress.       For the first 21 months in one post click here... My Journey - Lap Band Surgery and Lap Band Discussion Forum
KimInMD

KimInMD

1
 

It's Awful Not To Be In Control!

After 6 weeks unfilled, I was finally given a fill to 1.0 (out of 4.0). Basically, there was no difference. My second fill a few weeks ago was .8 so I now have 1.8 I still have almost no restriction. I can go again in a couple more weeks for a third fill, but do I want to pay for another fill if I am going to have gall bladder surgery? Being unfilled, the old food obsessions came flooding back. I was hungry all the time. I picked up about 14 pounds since February. I have since lost 4, so I still have 10 to go. With some restriction and warm weather (to exercise more) I should be able to get it off. My lap band Dr. has said he will do the gall bladder surgery any time I am ready. I still have pain when I eat high fat, so I know the darn thing has to come out. I just hate that I will have to stay unfilled for 6 weeks post op. I hate gaining weight, and fighting with my body. Yes, I have learned new thinking, but if I could stick to diets before I would have never needed the LB surgery in the first place. I HATE the food obsessions. I hate the thoughts of being out of commission for so long. I'm scared, no TERRIFIED I'll gain the weight back. Son's court date is this summer too. I'm worried about that. It looms in the back of my mind. It's not shaping up to be the best of summers. Big Sigh... :thumbdown: I hate when things are out of my control. I really have a need to be in control of every situation. I've come so far, but I see just how more more work I still have to do with myself. It's hard for me to remember I am still a work in progress.
KimInMD

KimInMD

1
 

Oh the gall!

Last Tuesday, (Feb.26th) I started with intense pain between my breastbone, and on my right side. The pain was also radiating out my back between my shoulder blades. I had intense nausea, vomiting and gas pain. It was terrible. I threw up until my esophagus swelled shut. The doctor is most sure I had a stone stuck in the duct of my gall bladder. Further testing revealed that it is not functioning (dumping) the way that it should be. My doctor unfilled me all the way. I am now on a low fat, liquid diet. I am hungry all the time and having an awful time sticking to liquid diet. Although I'm not in pain, I still feel tired and uncomfortable. I know that the gall bladder will have to come out soon. I am hoping I can wait until the second week of April. My mom will be back from Florida by then and can help me hold down the fort. I am so afraid that with my band unfilled I will gain alot of weight. I am sad, angry, frustrated and very, very bummed right now. This is a very low time for me. :thumbup:     The first 20 months all in one post http://www.lapbandtalk.com/blogs/kiminmd/926-my-journey.html
KimInMD

KimInMD

1
 

A new story

January 24, 2008 (177) Yay! I'm back on track and losing weight again. My jeans don't feel as tight, and I feel better. Here's a new story I wanted to share... Two Sundays ago we went to Bob Evans Restaurant after church. Hubby dropped me off out front and went to park the car. The hostess seated me right away. We were walking back to the table when a man I've never met approached me. He said "Would you believe I've lost 198 pounds with gastric bypass?" I was taken aback, and said something like "that's wonderful, I'm happy for you". He went on to say something about how life changing it was, and that now he looked like John Travolta, and that he felt it was his duty to tell people his story. Clearly, the man was a bit strange, and it was definitely a strange situation. I wished him the best and the hostess seated me. I thought right away "Why me? Of all the people in that restaurant, why did he pick me? Does he only pick out heavy people he thinks the surgery could help? Am I bigger than I think?" Oh my gosh, it sent me into a tailspin. I sat at the table and my thoughts were racing. Later, the hostess came by and said "Don't worry about that man, he tells everybody his story." I'll admit, I felt better, but wow, where did these insecurities come from? How quickly the "old me" comes out. I keep hearing about the head not keeping up with the body. Here is a classic case in point. I still THINK I'm a heavy person. I don't know how long this lasts, but I can't get my head wrapped around the size I am. My lapband changed my weight, but it didn't change my head. Maintenance isn't going to only be about maintaining my weight. I've got TONS of work on me to do. I have a terrible self image. I had my fur coat cut down. It took a long time past when it was promised, and when I finally got it, I wasn't happy with it, but I still paid for it and wore it home. What's up with that? I wore it for a few days, and was finally so disgusted with it that I took it back. I cringed going in the store, and meekly explained what was wrong with the coat. The owner agreed to fix all the problems, and he made the statement "you are too nice". Bam- an AHH-HAA moment! He's right! He hit the nail on the head. I am so used to being "nice" in order to be heard. I never wanted to be the stereotypical loud, uncouth, slopply fat lady. I never wanted to be like the housekeeper on the show Two And A Half Men, or like a Roseann Barr kind of person. Attractive normal sized people get heard. My confidence in myself (or lack thereof) determines how I will be treated the rest of my life. I think it's time to start changing the "inside me". :redface:
KimInMD

KimInMD

5
 

Teenagers Can Make You Grey!

2/20/08 (175 lbs.- down 2) My nineteen year old son was charged with pot possession two weeks ago. I have been on such an emotional roller coaster. I am angry, scared, frustrated, sad and embarrassed all rolled into one. He has officially moved back home. This has changed the family dynamics. My seventeen year old son is very quiet. You barely know he's here. The nineteen year old is hyper, noisier, and much messier. I was fixing small meals for three. Hubby and I are dieting, and younger son doesn't eat much. Older son eats very large amounts and is addicted to fast food. He is not happy that the fridge is full of "healthy stuff", and not much junk food. Although I told him to "get over it", I am trying to be patient with him. He's lived independently for almost a year now. My non-negotiable house rules are different than how he's been living. It's going to take some time for all of us to adjust to living together again. Corey says that he wants to get himself together, and straighten out. Is he serious, or is he just afraid of the consequences now? I guess time will tell. I am willing to give him this one last shot. He is a status epileptic. Sometimes he gets very sick. I've worried about him for such a long time now. No one should use drugs, but it is especially dangerous for him, because it can interfere with his medications too much. If he never smokes again, then all this pain will be so worth it. If he continues in his bad choices, then at least I can stand before God one day and honestly say I gave it my all and all. Ultimately, it's out of my hands now, and Corey must face the consequences. My band is still very tight from the stress. I started with reflux about 5 days ago. It is much better with Pepsid Complete. Today was a pretty good day. We'll see how it goes tonight. I'll give it a few more days, and if things don't improve then I'll go in for a slight unfill. I don't want the acid to hurt my band or esophagus. :thumbup: It amazes me how many ways stress can manifest itself in the physical body. I am learning to handle all this without binge eating. I refuse to live like that ever again, so help me God.     The first 21 months of my lap band journey (the good AND the bad) can be found under my first blog entry titled "My Journey".
KimInMD

KimInMD

1
 

Dealing With Emotional Pain

I'm tired, and emotionally I've been in alot of pain. My teen is really in trouble, and I have been feeling mentally exhausted. My band has been so tight last week, and it still is. Since Saturday it has been somewhat better. Well, at least I don't need a fill anymore. I've been working on stress management all weekend. Saturday hubby and I took off and spent the day antique shopping. I should say antique browsing, because we didn't even buy anything. It was just nice to give my brain a break for awhile. Sunday church service was great, and just what I needed. I swear, sometimes it seems like the sermons are written just for me. How the heck did pastor know I needed to hear that? :wink2: Seriously, it really did get me thinking about how I should handle my situation.   First of all, I have to admit that I am not in control anymore. My son is 19, and legally he is an adult now. He has made bad choices, and he will have to deal with the consequences. I WILL NOT abandon him, and I will NEVER stop loving him, but I can no longer protect him. It's in God's hands now.   Next, his mistakes do not mean that I am a bad mother, or a bad person. I can look my God in the eyes right now and say with a clear conscience that I have done EVERYTHING humanly possible to help that boy. The bottom line is that HE has to want to help HIMSELF, and before now, he has not wanted the help I've tried to give him.   I will not allow the stress to cause me to overeat. He had problems when he was 16, and I overate, didn't care about myself or my appearance, and in general, I let myself be consumed by his problems. I WON'T do that anymore. The band is my tool to help me to not overeat, but I also have to make good food choices and not be self sabotaging during this stressful period.   I will not allow the situation to drive a wedge between myself and my husband. We will make all decisions in ONE accord. If we don't agree, then we will not make a move on an issue. My husband and I will not be adversaries. We will be a team. I will not let my son's problems affect my relationships with the rest of my husband, children, family or friends.   I need to press in close to God right now. He knows the whole situation. He knows it's bigger than me, and so do I. I have to lay this one at His feet, and put the faith I've claimed to have into daily practice.   It's up to me to keep my band loose. I can control it TO SOME DEGREE. I can take a walk to de-stress, or a hot bath, or just shut the bedroom door and chill out with the tv or a good book. I need to spend some time in prayer and meditation. Maybe I can scrapbook for awhile, or get out the sewing machine. Deciding on my tools to use before hand will help get me into action when I'm in the "heat of the moment".   I will NOT avoid unpleasant tasks, like making phone calls, decisions or appointments. I will face them head on, and get it over with rather than have the feeling of dread looming over my head. I may not like the outcome of the phone calls, decisions and appointments, but at least I'll know where I stand, and I can begin to deal with it all.   Having a plan gives me a feeling of being in control again, and right now, that's what I need. I can't control the situation. I can only control MY reaction to it. I'm going to give all this a try, and see how it goes.   No one wants the "bad times" to hit them, but in the course of life, everyone has some bad patches. I really don't WANT to deal with any of this, but I have to say, I have never been at such a mentally healthy place as I am right now. I know this will help me to deal with the punches as they come in a new and HEALTHY way. I CAN do this! I have done things in the past 22 months that I would have NEVER believed I could do. I can get through this too. I'm going to put one foot in front of the other, and work this out one day at a time. :thumbup:       Readers- The first 21 months of my lap band journey (the good AND the bad) can be found under my first blog entry titled "My Journey".
KimInMD

KimInMD

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Stress and my band

February 7, 2008- My restriction has not been perfect. I felt I needed a small fill. I was away for a couple of days last week, and I was able to eat more than I should have. I've been at this long enough now to know where my "sweet spot" is. Well, I'm glad I didn't get that fill. On last Sunday night I had some issues with one of my children. He's been a difficult teen, and well, it's just been frustrating and upsetting sometimes. Monday morning I woke up and could barely get my coffee down, so I thought, ok, I'm just tight this morning. The tightness lasted all day. Today is Thursday, and I'm still tight. I'm eating very little and working to get liquids in. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my tight band is stress related. I am not sure what causes the tightness, (the physical reasons) but I'm sure that's what it is.   I've always been tight when we vacation, and I always assumed it was from flying. I tried to eat before flying when we went away at Christmas time, and wow, I was really tight. We hadn't even gotten on the plane yet! I know I am always stressed right before we go away. There are always so many things to do to get ready to leave, and I usually don't "come down" until we are at the destination and checked into our hotel room. I think the flying makes me tight, but so does the STRESS of traveling. Duh! I knew from others on the boards that stress can make the band tight, but I woefully underestimated the degree it can affect me. I see how it can quickly become a vicious cycle. I get stressed, then I get tight, then I can't eat or drink properly and I begin to worry about dehydration and getting enough liquids in, which in turn worries me and makes me tighter.   So what can I do? First of all I need to de-stress. Maybe a warm bath will help. Certainly warm drinks have helped in the past. Maybe taking a nice walk will help too. I need to remember that when things around me are out of control, my God is still IN control.   Although I'm tighter than I should be, for the FIRST TIME in my life I am not running to food for comfort. I am learning new and healthier coping skills. Oh, I have so far to go, and so much to learn. I am a work in progress, and learning more everyday. Even after 22 months, I am still learning new things about my band. :rolleyes2:
KimInMD

KimInMD

1
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