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Boo

Well, today I just feel down in the dumps and I dont know why...Just a bad attitude and everything...I have been sabataging my diet all day and eating things that I shouldnt, I guess comfort foods...I dont even think that I am going to work out today...I just want to go sit on the couch like a lump for a change and wolly in my own self pity...I havent felt like this in a long time...I made a dr appt today again for my continuous undying bleeding and cramping that is really bringing me down, but I cant get into the dr till Friday morning...I have been so good since the beginning of this journey I guess that a day or 2 to get back to myself wont totally kill me...So off to the couch I go with my pillow, just feel so depressed!!
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Weigh In

Its coming off very very slow, but hey atleast its coming off!
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Double Blah!!

Well I finally found out why I have been feeling so bad and run down...Well, first off I have been bleeding since June except for a couple days that I can basically count on my fingers...Well, the last 2 weeks have been terrible and very heavy...So Tuesday night it was so bad that I was feeling like I was going to pass out and could actually feel the color draining from my face...Yep, I ended up in the ER that night...After all of the testing and stuff that they did the only thing they could do for me was to put me on estrogen pills to try to get it to stop and told me to make a follow up appointment with my regular dr...So far everything is the same but I have my appt in the morning...Its not like I havent tried to get help before now with this problem...I talked to the surgeon at my 6 week app and he told me to follow up with my ob...So I followed up with my ob and he basically treated me like I was stupid and wasting his time...Then last week I finally was just totally fed up and made an appointment to see my regular dr which was originally scheduled for tomorrow...But I couldnt make it past Tuesday...So atleast I already had my appt made to see my dr tomorrow instead of having to wait another week before I could get in to see her...Well so far every dr I have consulted with including the er dr was a man, tomorrow will be a woman and I am hoping that she will have some type of understanding and knowledge to share
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Dont know whats going on

Well, I dont know what happened this morning...I woke up and from the scales at home it looks like I have gained about 3 lbs...I was about ready to pass out...Of course my official weigh in is done on the scale at work so I will find out tomorrow morning what exactly is going on but I sure dont feel good about what it appears to be...I thought maybe I was stopped up so I took a laxative earlier to see if I could resolve my issue that way but it hasnt kicked in yet, but I am sure it will when I am like in the middle of the grocery store or something like that...lol...Oh well, I will get back on here tomorrow and document what I have done to myself...:cry
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The Beggining

I started out with a regular visit to my family dr on April 14th asking what she thought about the lapband...She was very excited that I was interested in the procedure...At this time she said that she would refer me due to me having a great insurance plan (UHC)...By the first week of May I had the referal letter from my dr and contact the surgeon that she had refered me to (Dr Cribbins)...I called the surgeons office to make and appt and was told that I would need to attend a seminar before an appt with him and they just happened to have one that next week...I was very excited to sit thru the seminar on May 12th and listen to all of the different types of weight loss surgery...I was in and talking with the surgeon by May 16th and was told that I would more than likely be approved by the insurance company...With UHC you are only required to have a 40 bmi or over to be approved with no medical history needed...Well at this same appt I was given the name of a psychologist which is required by this surgeon before surgery:help: ...Ok, so...I get home and am able to make an appt with the psychologist for May 26th and it consisted basically of about 100 true/false questions of how many times you have thought of killing yourself and who all you wanted to take with you when you went within the last month or so and a short visit with the dr herself....:cry So on June 5th I got my approval from the insurance company to have the lapband done and have my bloodwork, ekg and xrays on June 9th and my preop appt with Dr Cribbins on June 21st and then my surgery is scheduled on June 22nd at Frisco Baylor:clap2: ...I am way too excited about the entire thing and just waiting to see all the results of not doing this:hungry: ..haha....Now its just waiting and anticipating!!!
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Yuck

:hail: Hale to the band!!!!:yield:I give, I give!!!! I guess that its true about what they say about the band having a mind of its own and how the band can change within the first 2 weeks of your fills...I have PB'd once a day for the last few days and it hasnt been pleasant...Its always been on a pinch of bread, taste of pizza or this morning a corner of a flower tortilla...I have learned my lesson about my band "Sybil" not liking any type of bread...And I hate that cuz my family has always been bread lovers...I have been good and just taking a pinch every once in a while and for some reason or another the last few times have just about killed me...I tried it the first time and got sick thinking maybe i ate too fast or didnt chew good enough so tried again...Second time thinking maybe it was the other thing that I didnt do the time before...Third time, I was just stupid..:faint:...Well, I am pretty sure that I have learned my lesson and am trying to move on...Its going to be hard since tonights menu holds chicken fajitas...lol Oh well, i still havent weighed in and am staying off the scales...I almost caved in this morning and jumped on those things, but i was thinking it wont be accurate anyways cuz its so far into the morning and already tried to eat breakfast and already pb's so I talked myself out of it thinking I would have negative results...So so far so good on the not weighing in thing...But the 27th wont get here soon enough...The 27th really holds no significance to me, just a date that I picked off the calendar then I picked every 5th week after that and wrote it down to weigh...Will just have to wait and see how it goes...There should be a good loss this time around because I have been doing every bit even more of my water, all my protein and working out every day (well, not today...its my 1 day off to r&r lol) but it should still be great cuz anything that i wasnt suppose to stick in my mouth lately has come back up anyways...lol...I just feel like I am doing good!! Cant really tell in the tummy that I have lost anything, most of my loss is in my butt and legs but I can deal with that for now I guess...Sooner or later the rest of me will catch up, after all they are attatched...lol:bored
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Feeling Better

I am feeling much better today...Yesterday I was having a severe pitty party and feeling terrible about the entire process...I just had the feeling that the surgery was going to go totally wrong and just going over all of the negative things that could happen...I'll tell you what, the absolute wrong thing to do before surgery is to go to the memorial page on your surgeons website and read all about the deaths...Well, one of my coworkers has totally talked me out of getting into anything negative and to just consentrate on the positive things to come...So, today I have a totally different outlook on life and am totally excited about my surgery again...Cant wait for next Thursday to get here....Jumping for joy and know there is a rough road ahead of course:faint: ....But my mind is back on track, THANK GOD!!!:clap2:
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Working Out

I finally started working out again since I am on vacation and trying to get back on track..I worked out Monday, Tuesday and Wend then rearranged a room in the house on Thursday (which I consider a workout) then worked out today...I am doing 30 minutes a day on my gazelle...I have been trying to eat right and paying close attention to my portions...Of course from my scale at home I really cant get an accurate reading on whats going on with my weight since its different from the one that I actually go by at work...So, until I go back to work on the 31st I guess its all going to be up in the air on how I am doing considering any loss...But I am going to keep on doing what I am doing and hope that its doing me right!! I will have an official weigh in on the 31st and hoping that I will be dancing around the room at work that day!!! Hopefully I wont be in tears!!! I want a total of atleast 53-55 lbs that day!!! Today is my 6 month banversary and I cant help but to be a little bit depressed about my loss, but I guess I should be exstatic about "lets say 49.5 lbs) in 6 months...Lets see, that breaks down to about 8.25 lbs a month...so I guess thats not really that bad...I was actually adding up on the calendar how much I actually lost each month and I dont believe that it feel under about 4 lbs a month when I was being kinda bad...This is alot more than I would have been losing without the band...If I look at it day by day or week by week I depress myself totally about it all, but in the long run if I look at the numbers I ought to be totally happy, so why cant I be happy??? I guess that is just something else that I need to think about and work on...Nothing seems to excite me or make me happy anymore...I would say it was just the holiday season giving me the blues but its been this way for a while now and I cant officially blame the season...I guess that I could do the antidepressants again, but they never seem to help any...I have been on many different kinds at many points in my life but everything just stays the same for me...I need to find some happiness
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Put Off

Yet I have to wait again...Went for my follow up and the dr had to leave for an emergency while I was actually in the room waiting to see her...Going in again next Friday...So upset right now!!!:angry
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The Count Down!!

:clap2: Here we are...Finally, 4 more days till surgery...I have been stocking up on things that I know that I will be needing over the next few weeks and all of a sudden appear to be a pack rat (which I swore I would never be)...But of course why buy the small batch of whey when you can buy the 5 lb batch and save money in the long run and while your at the store why not get the vanilla and the chocolate (cuz you have got to have a variety)...Then of course a couple packs of straws so you can sip sip sip...I am not even going to get started on the collection of broth that I have and still growing...I am just so excited about it all and want to be totally ready...I still need to get out today and get some chewable viatamins and some diet drinks and then I think I will be set for a while...I think that I am going to be on liquids for a couple weeks and want to be prepared...Lapband, here I come...Preop on the 21st and the big day on the 22nd!!! I CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!:scared:
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Im Still Doing It

OK, per my scales I am at 22.5 lbs loss...I am just so excited...But I know that my drs scales are different so for a complete and correct weigh in I will have to wait till the 4th when I go to the Dr...But as long as mine are going down I know that I am losing and thats wonderful...The last few days its been coming off 2 lbs at a time and I hope that it continues to be this way for a long long time cuz I am just loving it...I know that it will slow down for a while for my body to catch up...But I saw my mother today and she said she could tell that I had lost quite a bit of weight and that made me absolutely smile too...I am going to continue with my 30 minute heavy duty work outs and see how it does me before I go in on the 4th...I am happy that I am not going to have to hang my head in shame or still be at the same weight as my last visit...I know that can be devestating...My mother actually has a friend at work that has lost quiet a bit of weight and she is going to be sending me some of her clothes, only down side is that they wont fit me yet but I have something to strive for...They are size 18/20 and I havent been in 18's since high school...With as tall as I am and as big as my bones are my mother says that I start to look sick and too skinny if I get to 16's, but I would like to wear a 16-18 (thats my goal)...I started out 2 years ago in 32's then lost almost 50 lbs on the southbeach diet then gained back a couple but never got near where I was...I can put on the 32's and wear them very very loose and they look like clown pants...So, when I got my lapband I was in 26 pants and 26/28 shirts bit I usually buy bigger shirts cuz I like them baggy to hang and cover my bootie...I am just blabbering on cuz I am excited
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Just Waiting

I am just sitting back waiting for my weekly formal weigh in tomorrow morning...Of course my scales are different from the ones that I use at work in the breakroom, so I am not even going to speculate what it might be...I would be happy with anything around 2 pounds and extatic with anything over that...I knew that with the lapband the weight would be coming off slowly but I had no clue it would be this slow and this hard...I was even regreting getting the lapband earlier and thinking I should have gone for the more drastic surgerys then I visited the memorial page again for my sugeon and remembered why I had so much against it...I will just have to do my time and just remember its suppose to come off slow and healthy...Plus I really havent been that good this week but I cant always be good...But atleast when I do eat its bad its very very little...I have had a couple diet cherry vanilla dr peppers this week...Of course, no calories but I cant finish the entire can cuz it starts to feel terrible but it sure tastes good a little at a time...So, I am waiting for morning when I get to work to see what I have actually lost...Maybe even back to my 26.5 lbs I guess but I want more than that...I want another fill, but I need to wait atleast a month or so before I can ask my dr for that so I have the time behind me showing that Im not losing....So, long story short, I am hoping for more than 26.5 lbs and will update my journal in the morning right after my weigh in...Dang band is going to be the death of me!!
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Weekly weigh in

Ok, for my weekly weigh in counting what I had gained last week puts me at a total of 2.5 lbs this week...Total of 27 lbs since surgery...I can deal with that for now!!
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Yep

Slowly but surely this band is actually doing its thing!!! I am still totally amazed at how full I get in just a few bites...I have learned over the last couple days that when I start to feel uncomfortable when I eat and feel like something is trying to get stuck to take a huge deep breath and hold it as long as possible and it really does help me...I have been doing my 30 minute workouts everyday except for today when I only got 20 cuz my son had a major life threatening problem with his playstation 2 that I just had to address right then, but thats ok!! It makes me so happy to step on that scale each morning now and see a little difference...I have been adding it up and if I keep going at this rate I should have around a 10 lbs loss for this month (I can certainly deal with that)...The only bad thing is that my uniform pants from work are just about to that stage where they are going to fall off me...Everytime I stand up I am yanking on the legs or the waist to make sure they stay up...Good thing is that we put in orders for new uniforms about 3 weeks ago and are just waiting on them to get to us...So from my 4x shirt I ordered a 3x (i still like big comfy shirts) then I went from a mens 50x34 to a 46x34...Of course we didnt have anyone measure us out for our sizes so I just had to guess...I hope that I did the right thing on the sizes or I am just out of luck for a while...Maybe in several more month and several more sizes down I will even be willing to tuck in my uniform shirt...I guess that would be a great NSV for me!!!
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Bessing in disguise

Well, I guess that today was a blessing in disguise...I got to work for my first weigh in for 2 weeks after being off for vacations and the scale was out of batterys...Will try to get out today for some batterys and will try to weigh in tomorrow
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2 Days After

Well I have had the band for 2 days now...I have had no serious problems what so ever...I keep having problems with a rumbling in my tummy like diahrea starting or is it my bottom tummy thats grumbling, im not really sure...My stomache was quite upset this evening...I havent gotten the hang of the broth I guess...I mean, am I suppose to be adding water to it, im not really sure (trial by error i guess) but I think I am suppose to be deluting it...Tomorrow my husband is going to get me out for a little while to the grocery store to get me some basic mushie foods like oatmeal and grits and yogart...Im still not hungry and have been doing great with my liquids since the beginning...I have finally gotten off the weight that I gained from the iv and swelling...Now, I start the real stuff...I cant wait for it to start to go down from this point...I can not tell you how great the pizza smelled that my husband and son had for dinner, but I wasnt tempted in the least, maybe I will have some for a treat in about 6 more weeks...We will see how it goes between now and then...You must treat yourself every once in a while or you will fall off that wagon...Well, thats it for today...I am on a new road from here on and everything and anything that I lose from now on will actually be me...Its all a learning experience
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4th fill

Ok, I just got back from getting my fourth fill...I am filled to 2.75 now...The dr said that I could not get another fill until after I had lost about another 30-40 lbs...Said that he had me as tight as I could go right now and that the opening was only about the size of a pencil lead...I asked about the green tea and if it could be counted as water intake and he said for sure that anything this is water based can count as water...I asked him if I was in the slow range for my weight loss right now and he said that I was actually right above normal...Said that normal for right now is about 45 and I am at 52...So I guess that I wont be going to see the dr for quite a long while...Another 30-40 lbs would put me about 80-90 lbs for a loss so that would be great...He said that my pouch was looking great and to not worry about my calorie intake as long as it stayed under 1000 a day...Said the more that I put into my body that the more that I had to work to burn it off...Also said that the "starvation mode" was a myth and to not worry about it...So, this was a different dr that I saw today and he had different things to say than my regular dr...I guess I can go ahead and try his ideas and see how they treat me...
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5 Days Post Op

So far so good...I am on my second day of mushies...Its been going pretty good...I had 1 oz of egg beaters and 1 oz of apple sauce for breakfast...:hungry: I had a protien shake for lunch and another protien drink a couple hours before dinner...I dont want to take a risk of my hair starting to fall out...The hardest times that I have are still having to make full blown dinners for my husband and son...Tonight was chicken parmasean...I just measured out 1 1/2 oz of a chicken breast and put a couple little drops of sauce then in the food processor it went to shred...Then when it was done i put a couple shreds of motz cheese on top...I think it was one of the best things i ever tasted...I wouldnt have thought about it or even half way tried it a week ago, but you do what you gotta to do to half way still live a normal life for now ...I am kinda excited...5 days out and as of this morning I was 9 lbs down...Thats great for me and I cant say how great it feels to move that bar on the scale...I expect to be at 10 or 11 by morning (I hope)...I am totally addicted to the scale right now, I think its because its all so new to me...Eventually I will phase out of checking it everyday...The only problem that I am having is some chest pains, I think its because I drink too fast (Im a guzzeler)...I felt good enough today to get out and run a couple errands that needed to be done and got alot done, but then got lightheaded right before the last place I needed to stop...I just need to remember that I am still healing and try to take it easier for a few more days, but its hard for me...I figure the more that I am up actually doing things the more I might lose, thats what my head is telling me anyways...But I am planning on trying to get on my gazzelle for a little while in the morning and seeing how it treats me...I might have a different thought about that when I wake up since my sleep schedule has been so messed up this week...I need to get on a routine as soon as I get back to work on sunday for sure...Sooooooo, so far so good:clap2:
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