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Ouch

Well, I dont know what got into me today...I woke up and took my son to Mcdonalds for breakfast...I did really good by picking the real small breakfast burrito for myself...When we got home I ate the insides, egg, sausage and cheese...If I had stopped here everything would have been fine...I thought the tortilla looked pretty good with all the melted cheese still on it so I ate that too...By the time I finished I was hurting so bad up in my chest...I thought by getting a drink of water I could make it go away cuz it even hurt to breath and to move...But I ended up infront of the toilet getting rid of the top layer of whatever was in my pouch which ended up being the water i had drank afterwards and a vitamin...It wasnt like throwing up at all, I cant really describe it. My pouch and chest just felt very very painful until everything finally filtered thru...I dont know what in the heck this was but i know that i never in my life want to go thru this again cuz it was miserable...I should have stuck with the inards!!! Could this have been some type of PB, I just dont know..
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First Post Op Visit

Well, I had my first post op visit yesterday...They weighed me in and were very happy with my results, even tho I have been unhappy that it has been stuck...They told me that I should be just consentrating on healing right now cuz my body is in a "starvation period" where it thinks that its starving and storing extra fat cells...The nurse said to be happy and consider anything that I had lost as a bonus, but I am thinking what choice does my body have but to lose weight with me only eating 2 ounces of food a meal...Oh well, atleast they were happy...My appt was actually with the drs helper and I told her what had happened after my surgery and that it was still freaking me out and giving me nightmares...So she left the room and talked to the dr and she came back in saying that the dr wanted to see me and for me to wait for him...So I wait about 30 minutes for him to get finished with his regular paitence so that he can come see me...He reassured me that everything was normal and for me to make sure to tell the anethesiologist (if i ever have surgery again) that I have problems staying knocked out long enough...And that was basiclly it..He seemed genuinly concerned that I was upset about it tho and was really nice...So, I am scheduled for my first fill on August 4th...Then they said I could consentrate on me losing weight...They made sure to also tell me that I probably wont lose anything else until then and to take it easy...Im going to see what I can do between now and then to prove them wrong tho of course, cuz Im not happy just not losing after going thru what I had to to get to where I am...So, I will work work work on it, no promises tho
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Guess I lied

I just cant break myself from the scale...I guess I will just have to deal with it for now...My family gets much humor out of me now about the scale and about me being totally happy that I am getting 2 ounces of food and totally excited about it...I am not having much luck on staying on the mushies either...I was craving a salad so bad today that my husband went and got me a grilled chicken salad for dinner...I was very careful to weigh everything out and did not dare go over my 2 ounces...I was able to seperate out what was left for 4 more meals and used my new vacuum sealer food saver thing (hope it stays good)...I just felt the total need to chew my meal for a change I guess...They also (for now) are getting a kick out of me just asking for 1 bite of what they got for dinner off their plates, but that wont last very long..lol..They are kinda stingy with their food...Well, I am at 14 1/2 lbs today and am happy about that of course...I gotta go back to work in the morning, its terrible with Sunday being my Monday...But I already have my protien drink mixed and ready for breakfast and my 2 ounce salad is ready to go...I just am dreading all of the questions about it when I get back there...I tried only telling a few of my closest friends and my supervisor since I was needing off early the day of the surgery...But I let them know that I didnt want anyone else to know about it...But I guess it went over a few of their heads and everyone basically that I work with knows...So I will just deal with that tomorrow...Each day brings a new challenge!!
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Under the big 3..0..0

Well, today is going to be my last daily weigh in...The scales have been driving me crazy....During the night even when I get up to go to the restroom I have been hoping on the scale...Im totally hooked on them...From now on it will only be on Friday mornings, but its going to be hard to stay off of them...I am totally excited about my 13.5 lbs loss in the last 8 days...I have finally gotten under 300 lbs which I havent been able to do in a very very long time...And I am rather suprised due to getting a call yesterday evening to go to the hospital...One of my friends at works daughter (6 months old, Blayze is her name) suffocated during her nap...It was devistating to everyone...She worked so hard picking out the name Blayze, her daddy is a fireman from the city I work and her mommy is a fire/ems/police dispatcher with me...Firemen think they can just fix anything...When he found her he grabbed her and ran to his firestation that he is usually at to get help screaming that he couldnt save her on his own...Of course the hospital was packed with everyone from our police and fire dept for encouragment so bad that they moved us outside due to their not being enough room...I am hoping due to mommy having another precious daughter (2 years old) that will need her help and her mothering that she will get thru the worst part of this faster than those without another child...Its just like losing part of your own family as much as we are all together and having to rely on eachother...In the end the father came out crying and grabbing his partner when he rides the ambulance screaming that he couldnt save her...Its very sad and brings me to tears again even when I write it out...But anyways I had gotten home so late last night that I just grabbed a left over piece of pizza that the boys had ordered for dinner and didnt want to go overboard so I cut off the crust and measured out 2 ounces of pizza...It totally filled me up and I didnt care much about the drinking thing about drinking 30 min after I ate...I wanted to make sure it all went down so I drank quite a bit of water afterwards...But hey, I still lost and it didnt get stuck so Im excited...Now after my fill I dont believe I will be able to do that but for now its ok!!
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Boohoo!!!

Ok, so this morning wasnt what I expected....I was expecting to lose another 2 lbs and be at a loss of 13 lbs by this morning for my 1 week anniversary, but alas I gained 1 lb...So here I am at 10 lb loss, I ought to celebrate that 10 lbs cuz without the bad I wouldnt have even lost that...But in hopes of having a good loss for tomorrow I pushed myself this morning and went all the way with my workout...Did my entire 30 minutes on the gazzelle, it wasnt as bad as I thought it was going to be...And I am going to push push push that water today...I dont like having a gain, but I know they are expected every once in a while but that doesnt mean that I have to like them...Ok, so lets just see how my plan works for me when I weigh in tomorrow morning, hopefully I will be smiling!!
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Worked Out

I just wanted it noted that I did work out on my gazzelle for 15 minutes today after all...It wasnt bad at all and I could have actually gone a little longer but I just didnt want to push it right now...I will gradually add some time to it and get it to where it needs to be, but for now I am totally happy with that...I was really good today...I had my 2 ounces of yogart for breakfast, a protien drink between breakfast and lunch, had 2 ounces of cottage cheese for lunch, then another protien drink...and the kicker for dinner, I had a slice of sliced turkey and a slice of swiss cheese wrapped together (I know I am suppose to still be on mushies but I just needed something that I could actually chew)...It was quite a bit under my 2 ounces and I still got full and stopped before I was done and my son finished what was left...I chewed very very long and very good...Over all I believe it was a very good day for me!!! Tomorrow will be my 1 week post op and I am hoping to be at a 13 lb loss...Come on "lucky" 13!!!     Lets Do This Thang!!
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Chip or not to chip??

I did really good for breakfast...I had my 2 ounces of yogart and about an hour after that I had my 6 ounces of whey...I finally felt up to mowing the front yard this morning, I did the backyard the other day...I am kinda trying to break it all up so it dont overwhelm me all at once...Ok, so I was fixing my sons french bread pizza and doritos for lunch, yes I snagged 1 chip...Just 1 and it was just so good...I chewed it till it couldnt be chewed anymore...But the best thing is that I was satisfied with just the one...I know I am suppose to be on mushies, and I mushed it...I really dont believe that 1 chip will do me in and I firmly believe that a person does not have to do without ever having anything like that ever again, just in big time moderation...So, I made it thru the 1 chip and left the room while he ate the rest of his lunch and decided to color my hair while I waited for him to finish up...I work in a room full of skinny scrawny girls that live out of the vending machine and dont do anything in regards to working out and they just dont gain a pound...Makes me sick, wish I had a matabolism like theirs (maybe someday)...But I know that I can never live like I have in the past...I still havent gotten into working out yet, but have been doing alot of things around the house to try to supplement for that...Maybe in an hour or so I will attempt that dreadful gazzelle that keeps looking at me and laughing!!!!:guess
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5 Days Post Op

So far so good...I am on my second day of mushies...Its been going pretty good...I had 1 oz of egg beaters and 1 oz of apple sauce for breakfast...:hungry: I had a protien shake for lunch and another protien drink a couple hours before dinner...I dont want to take a risk of my hair starting to fall out...The hardest times that I have are still having to make full blown dinners for my husband and son...Tonight was chicken parmasean...I just measured out 1 1/2 oz of a chicken breast and put a couple little drops of sauce then in the food processor it went to shred...Then when it was done i put a couple shreds of motz cheese on top...I think it was one of the best things i ever tasted...I wouldnt have thought about it or even half way tried it a week ago, but you do what you gotta to do to half way still live a normal life for now ...I am kinda excited...5 days out and as of this morning I was 9 lbs down...Thats great for me and I cant say how great it feels to move that bar on the scale...I expect to be at 10 or 11 by morning (I hope)...I am totally addicted to the scale right now, I think its because its all so new to me...Eventually I will phase out of checking it everyday...The only problem that I am having is some chest pains, I think its because I drink too fast (Im a guzzeler)...I felt good enough today to get out and run a couple errands that needed to be done and got alot done, but then got lightheaded right before the last place I needed to stop...I just need to remember that I am still healing and try to take it easier for a few more days, but its hard for me...I figure the more that I am up actually doing things the more I might lose, thats what my head is telling me anyways...But I am planning on trying to get on my gazzelle for a little while in the morning and seeing how it treats me...I might have a different thought about that when I wake up since my sleep schedule has been so messed up this week...I need to get on a routine as soon as I get back to work on sunday for sure...Sooooooo, so far so good:clap2:
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Getting Hungry

I have been on the clear liquids for 3 days now and havent had anything to eat in 4 days...I am just now starting to notice that I am getting a little bit hungry..I finally get to start on mushie foods in the morning and am actually looking forward to it...I have gotten off the extra pounds that I gained in the hospital and have actually started on losing my weight...5-6 lbs lost from the hospital and 2 of my own...Its all exciting...I feel very little pain today and havent had to take any meds...I got up and did some laundry, took a nap and actually made the boys some dinner tonight...Hamburger helper has never looked so good...1 confession, I had 1 noodle to make sure it was cooked all the way and thank goodness that it wasnt or it might have actually tasted good too...But I have a great morning planned when I was up with some egg beaters with cheese and chives...It looked really good at the store...But of course, only 2 ounces...then I have to start on some protein drinks tomorrow and I am sure that it will help alot with my hunger...Maybe some yogart for lunch...yummmm...I am still scared about putting anything that doesnt come out of a straw into my mouth, but it will take time...I am ready to be back to normal and be able to sit down and eat with my family in about 5 more weeks, but within reason of course...Was having a little bit of chest pains over the last couple days but I have pretty much figured out that it was from drinking too much at a time cuz I have slowed down on my intake and am feeling better today...Its all going to be a learning experience to last a life time:confused:
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2 Days After

Well I have had the band for 2 days now...I have had no serious problems what so ever...I keep having problems with a rumbling in my tummy like diahrea starting or is it my bottom tummy thats grumbling, im not really sure...My stomache was quite upset this evening...I havent gotten the hang of the broth I guess...I mean, am I suppose to be adding water to it, im not really sure (trial by error i guess) but I think I am suppose to be deluting it...Tomorrow my husband is going to get me out for a little while to the grocery store to get me some basic mushie foods like oatmeal and grits and yogart...Im still not hungry and have been doing great with my liquids since the beginning...I have finally gotten off the weight that I gained from the iv and swelling...Now, I start the real stuff...I cant wait for it to start to go down from this point...I can not tell you how great the pizza smelled that my husband and son had for dinner, but I wasnt tempted in the least, maybe I will have some for a treat in about 6 more weeks...We will see how it goes between now and then...You must treat yourself every once in a while or you will fall off that wagon...Well, thats it for today...I am on a new road from here on and everything and anything that I lose from now on will actually be me...Its all a learning experience
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Made It Home

Well I finally made it home today...My surgery went well...The only problem that I had during the entire process was coming out of the anesthetic once they took the tube out of my throat...I remember starting to hyperventalate and them having to talk me down and put me on O2, but I guess they are use to having to deal with that...The hospital was wonderful, I could not have wished for a better group of people taking care of me...They had several reason to knock me out thru the night...I kept having to get up and go to the restroom and kept setting off all the alarms on my IV and my heart monitor...One good thing to keep in mind, if you lay on your side your blood pressure goes way down so they had to keep a close eye on it and retake it several times...But back to the nurses, they even brought my entire family dinner the night of surgery, it was wonderful stuffed pork chops (not anything like the normal hospital food) and pancakes and bacon for breakfast for my husband...He was wanting to check in for the weekend like a hotel since it was so nice...The room even had a seperate livingroom area with a seperate tv just for the family then one over by the bed for the patient, it was great since my husband keeps a late schedule on watching his tv shows...The ride home wasnt unbareable, but I was nauseous and light headed the entire trip...But now that I am home I am feeling alot better and up moving around some...Beware of the scale when you get home, the swelling adds pounds (Be Ready!!)...I have only had to have 1 does of pain meds since I got home this afternoon and didnt even take a full dose that time, but I am thinking before I go to bed I might take one so I can get thru the night...And its true, the port site is the worst but starting to have some upper back pain between the shoulders (im guessing from the gas)...Its really strange not being hungry...I havent had anything to eat since night before last for dinner...I have been very lucky and have had no problems what so ever with the liquids...They brough me apple juice, broth and jello for breakfast, but I wasnt really wanting anything but took a couple bites of each anyways to just try to get some of my strength back and it went down same as always...I will be on a clear diet for 3 day (till monday) then on mushies (only 2 ounces) for 5 weeks after that...I ought to lose quite a bit of weight during that transition (I hope) but then it will slow down when I move to my regular foods (4-5 ounces)....But I can do it, I know I can...As good as I feel right now it should only take a few days for me to almost be back to normal (I hope!!!) I am really excited...Got my follow up with my surgeon (blessed man) on July 5th and will see how everything is going and then hopefully a fill in 6-7 weeks..Just wanted to touch base with my journal while everything was still fresh in my mind (foggy but its there)...Im on the other side!!!!!!!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!
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Today Is The Day

Well, I can finally say that today is the day....I am just so excited that I cant seem to even think right today...Well, I guess thats not a good thing since I have to work half the day before going in...I went in for my preop yesterday and found out that they would not be doing any type of fill until 5-6 weeks after the surgery...I also found out that I would be having to stay the night at the hospital since mine is scheduled so late in the day...The reasoning is for the swollow testing that they perform afterwards...I got the final ppwk showing that I will be on only clear liquids for 3 days then I can move on to mushies for 5 weeks after that...Its all for the best since we want the tummy to completely heal properly before we attempt anything else...I woke up this morning and had 2 messages waiting on me...1/from the hospital wanting to do my pre admit ppwk 2/the anethesiologist wanting to touch base with me and let me know I could drink and eat till 8 am this morning (which is wonderful cuz the surgeon said after midnight?) Dont they know that people sleep evadentally...But I was excited that I could have something to drink anyways, didnt want to eat but did have a diet drink for breakfast...I was in shock yesterday cuz I have been celebrating all week and eating everything I possilby could, well I only gained 2.5 lbs so thats pretty good considering what all I shoved down my mouth this week...lol...Well, thats all for now...The next time I update I will be on the postop side (totally excited)
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2 MORE DAYS

Two more days to go...I just cant wait...There is just no telling what the future will hold for me after Thursday...I am seriously hoping that the lapband helps me and that I am not one of the statistics (that really worries me alot)!! I was one of the lucky ones with good insurance that approved me right off the bat for the surgery...It was very depressing at the seminar having everyone find out that they would have to diet for 1-2 years and maybe longer and be monitored by their doctors office before approval..I could feel the disappointment spread thru the room...Most people came in with the mindset that it was basically their choice if they had the surgery or not and not that they would have to go thru a rough road with the insurance company...It was very sad...I believe that only me and 2 other people in the room at the time ended up having UHC and were told that we only had to have a bmi of 40 or over to be automatically approved...I was very excited for me, but I could feel all of the depression around me like air being let out of a balloon or something...Yes, I am a lucky one but that doesnt mean that its going to work for me...There is going to be alot of work ahead of me for the next year or two (hopefully not the later)...My heart just sank watching all the expressions on the other people there tho.. I dont know why I had the seminar on the mind all of a sudden, it wasnt there when i started writing a few minutes ago!! Well, this is a chance for a new and healthy life and I am going to give it my best and hopefully will come out a winner and be on the "lost more than 100 lbs" with some of the others before long...
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The Count Down!!

:clap2: Here we are...Finally, 4 more days till surgery...I have been stocking up on things that I know that I will be needing over the next few weeks and all of a sudden appear to be a pack rat (which I swore I would never be)...But of course why buy the small batch of whey when you can buy the 5 lb batch and save money in the long run and while your at the store why not get the vanilla and the chocolate (cuz you have got to have a variety)...Then of course a couple packs of straws so you can sip sip sip...I am not even going to get started on the collection of broth that I have and still growing...I am just so excited about it all and want to be totally ready...I still need to get out today and get some chewable viatamins and some diet drinks and then I think I will be set for a while...I think that I am going to be on liquids for a couple weeks and want to be prepared...Lapband, here I come...Preop on the 21st and the big day on the 22nd!!! I CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!:scared:
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Celebrating PreOp

Ok, I dont know if anyone else has done this before or not....So, I just thought that I would write it down...Here we go, open and honest....I have been "celebrating my surgery date and insurance approval"... Basically I have been eating everything and anything just to be able to have one last great full enjoyed meal of each one...I know that I am terrible:phanvan , but some of you know exactly what I am talking about....I know that I am big but I also know that I am doing something next week to change my life and i want to go out with a bang:faint: !!!! I have enjoyed the last week since I found out that I was approved, not having to count calories or starving myself but enough is enough...haha...I have noticed that I have gained about 5 lbs and my uniforms for work are getting a little uncomfortable, so thats it....No more going crazy, atleast not until the dinner the night before my surgery, that night I will be having shrimp linguini from red lobster (my all time favorite!!)....Its going to take alot of work and an entirely new mind set starting the day of the surgery...Its going to be a hard, terrible, wonderful, life chaning experience and I have been waiting on this moment for years....On June 22nd I will be starting with my weight loss journals and will be notating them aleast every month or so just so that I can look back at my long journey if I ever feel like falling off the wagon to remind myself on how hard the road has been to get to where I was and how much I never want to revisit where I am now...I will never return to where I am now as long as GOD and the LAPBAND are on my side....and damn the day that the later turns on me...haha..:Dancing_biggrin: :angry :faint: ....It wont happen!!!
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Feeling Better

I am feeling much better today...Yesterday I was having a severe pitty party and feeling terrible about the entire process...I just had the feeling that the surgery was going to go totally wrong and just going over all of the negative things that could happen...I'll tell you what, the absolute wrong thing to do before surgery is to go to the memorial page on your surgeons website and read all about the deaths...Well, one of my coworkers has totally talked me out of getting into anything negative and to just consentrate on the positive things to come...So, today I have a totally different outlook on life and am totally excited about my surgery again...Cant wait for next Thursday to get here....Jumping for joy and know there is a rough road ahead of course:faint: ....But my mind is back on track, THANK GOD!!!:clap2:
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selfishness

:think Now that the time is getting closer to my lapband surgery I am beginning to wonder if I am being selfish about putting my life at risk just so I can be healthy and happy...I am worried that something might happen to me during surgery and my family will be without me for reasons that could have been prevented...I know that the lapband is the least evasive surgery and for that reason is why I had picked it...I have gotten myself all depressed about it all last night when I found a memorial page for those that did not survive bariatric surgery, but most of the people that passed had the bypass or died while waiting for the approval from the insurance company:eek: ...I think that I have worked myself up over nothing but it still makes you think about what all you would be leaving it something goes wrong and it being my choice to have put me thru it...I am just in one of those moody moods while waiting for my time to get here next week...Anyone else ever go thru these same feelings before surgery??? Help guide me threw
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The Beggining

I started out with a regular visit to my family dr on April 14th asking what she thought about the lapband...She was very excited that I was interested in the procedure...At this time she said that she would refer me due to me having a great insurance plan (UHC)...By the first week of May I had the referal letter from my dr and contact the surgeon that she had refered me to (Dr Cribbins)...I called the surgeons office to make and appt and was told that I would need to attend a seminar before an appt with him and they just happened to have one that next week...I was very excited to sit thru the seminar on May 12th and listen to all of the different types of weight loss surgery...I was in and talking with the surgeon by May 16th and was told that I would more than likely be approved by the insurance company...With UHC you are only required to have a 40 bmi or over to be approved with no medical history needed...Well at this same appt I was given the name of a psychologist which is required by this surgeon before surgery:help: ...Ok, so...I get home and am able to make an appt with the psychologist for May 26th and it consisted basically of about 100 true/false questions of how many times you have thought of killing yourself and who all you wanted to take with you when you went within the last month or so and a short visit with the dr herself....:cry So on June 5th I got my approval from the insurance company to have the lapband done and have my bloodwork, ekg and xrays on June 9th and my preop appt with Dr Cribbins on June 21st and then my surgery is scheduled on June 22nd at Frisco Baylor:clap2: ...I am way too excited about the entire thing and just waiting to see all the results of not doing this:hungry: ..haha....Now its just waiting and anticipating!!!
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