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My gain

well, my gain from yesterday wasnt as bad as i thought it was going to be...on my weigh in this morning it was only 1 1/2 lbs that i gained...I need to get all of that under control
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No Luck

Ok, so I guess that adding more food to my diet really didnt work...Well, it did get 1 pound off but that was about it...So I am just flat out going to give up on my hopes of losing anything else until my first fill...I have really high hopes for after my fill tho...I am just wanting more to happen alot quicker than it is...I know, my weight didnt come on over night and it wont go away over night....I just need to work on keeping the right mind set for the next few weeks before my fill...Its really depressing tho
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selfishness

:think Now that the time is getting closer to my lapband surgery I am beginning to wonder if I am being selfish about putting my life at risk just so I can be healthy and happy...I am worried that something might happen to me during surgery and my family will be without me for reasons that could have been prevented...I know that the lapband is the least evasive surgery and for that reason is why I had picked it...I have gotten myself all depressed about it all last night when I found a memorial page for those that did not survive bariatric surgery, but most of the people that passed had the bypass or died while waiting for the approval from the insurance company:eek: ...I think that I have worked myself up over nothing but it still makes you think about what all you would be leaving it something goes wrong and it being my choice to have put me thru it...I am just in one of those moody moods while waiting for my time to get here next week...Anyone else ever go thru these same feelings before surgery??? Help guide me threw
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Double Dog Dang!!

Dang It!!!I was doing so good last week and now this week I cant get that scale to move one ounce...I am staying calm and keeping up with what I am suppose to be doing...I think that my body is taking a break and trying to catch up...If not, I get my fill next Friday and it will whoop that bands tookas and remind it whos boss:yield:
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The Next Day

I am kinda excited today...After adding a little more food yesterday to my meals i was actually able to lose 1 lb...Now we are talking!!! If that is what it takes for it to start coming off then I am willing to go ahead and start on my 4-5 ounces of good food per meal...I just wanted to jot it down in my journal that it actually worked...16.5 lbs for me, finally!!!:eek:
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Blah

Its been one of those blah weeks...It seems that I just keep teetering on the same couple pounds...Its real upsetting cuz last month I did so good and now nothing...I have been trying to do what was right for me and work out most of the time but its just not working...Maybe my body is just taking a quick break and will shift into gear next month...I am going to keep on trying and maybe get over that hump that I am stuck on
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Working Out Again

I decided 3 days ago that I was tired of waiting for the ob to release me to where I could workout again...I was tired and depressed of not losing anything and just sitting there and gaining and losing the same couple pounds...So I decided to go ahead and start working out again...So its been almost a month that I havent worked out so I had to start back from the beginning trying to get use to it again...The last 3 days I have been able to get thru my 25-30 minutes a day but its just about killing me...I will get use to it again and it will seem like nothing to me...Right now I am still use to the fact that I was able to just come home and lay down infront of the tv for the evening instead of making time to work out...Went right back to bad habits...So, I dont think that I have really lost anything but maybe a lb or 1.5 in the last few days that I seemed to have gained...But I will be happy to start back where I left off...Its all in getting my mind set again and building up my strength...But I have been feeling better about myself the last few days just knowing that I actually did work out...Thats about it for now...Atleast I am getting back on the right track again:clap2:
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A Little Better

Well I can tell that I am feeling just a tad bit better now...My hunger is finally coming back yesterday and I think that I have gained about 1 1/2 lbs just yesterday alone...I guess that isnt bad considering I havent been working out for almost a week...I need to get back on the right track, but I will give it a couple more days since my strength still hasnt returned...But I am ready I think to move on past this point and was even considering calling next week for my second fill but we will have to see how that goes...I need to get to that sweet spot so I can get back on track
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Christmas Vacation

Well, my Christmas vacation will be over on the 31st and I have got to really be honest with myself and expect about a 4-5 lb gain...Its been terrible being home with my son for the last week and a half with all the snack foods around and having to feed him all the time...I just havent been able to pass up the snacks...By Sunday tho when I finally get to go back to work and weigh in and see what damage I have done I am going to be back to eating right and trying to get my workout back into my schedule...I hate that I have done this to myself over the holidays but I guess that a little bit of a gain is expected by some...I just have no will power right now, but the eating holidays are over and its time to get back on track!! I have no excuse after Sunday!!!
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Blah!

I am still trying to get back up to par...I have no energy for anything anymore...I feel terrible for not getting to my workouts this week, but I just cant do it...Maybe next week...Atleast I am back to work and getting in a little movement, but am only looking forward to getting home and maybe fitting in a little nap...I am still eating right and feel that I should be losing weight anyways no matter how slow, atleast its not a gain this time but there is no telling what Sundays weigh in might hold for me...If I had a rock near me right now I think that i would feel totally comfortable climbing under it in a fetal position for a while:sick....Its gotta come to an end sooner or later!!
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Second Fill

Its working again!!!! Wish the tickers were working tho so I could update mine....But little by little it will get there...Got my second fill on Friday and I am at a total of 2.15 in my 4 cc band...I finally got some real restriction this time and its working...I never thought that I could feel so full so fast, its amazing!!! I am now at 34.5 lbs and very excited!!!Today is the first day since my fill that I have stepped on the scales and there wasnt a change from the day before...Since my fill I have started going full force on my working out again and we will see how it treats me:clap2:
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No birth control for me yet

I just got back from my follow up appt with my ob...She said all the tests came back normal but she was wanting to do a biopsy while I was there today...She said something about there was a disease that makes the lining of the uterus too thick sometimes and wanted to rule that out...Said no birth control until after these results came back...So off to another drs appt on December 1st for those results and she said she would do something about birth control that day if everything was normal...I am just so upset about all of this and want it all to be over with...Not to mention that its getting pretty expensive for all my drs appts, er visits, estrogen pills and I have Christmas coming up that I need to spend my money on..Plus having to buy all the good stuff for Thanksgiving dinner that all my family is coming to...This is just the wrong time of year to be going thru all of this if you know what I mean
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Last OB Appointment?

Well, i had another follow up with my ob today to try to get all my "stuff" settled...She said that my biopsy had been fine and that all of my problems were deffinately due to the depo shot fighting with my band...Now that all of my depo is out of my body all of the bleeding has stopped...So after a mandatory pregnancy test (which i thought would probably doom me today) she went ahead and inserted the minera iud...So, I am now set for birth control for the next 5 years and dont have to worry about the estrogen getting out of hand again since its estrogen free...The only thing wrong right now is that I am cramping really really bad, but the ob says that after the insert moistens and softens up I will feel alot better...I had to take 2 maxium strength midol about an hour ago cuz the cramping was getting out of hand...I am hoping that I feel alot better by tomorrow cuz I bought my mom tickets to see the Rocketts at the Nokia Theater tomorrow afternoon for part of her Christmas present and I right now dont feel like getting up and doing alot of walking around...Its hard enough just sitting still and feeling the pain...Oh well, like the ob said it will just take time then it will be like it was never there...I am just glad to have all of this behind me...I have basically been seeing a dr every friday since the first of October...Atleast the bleeding has stopped, that alone is joyous enough...Now back on track I can try to get my mind back onto working out and losing some of this weight, well after the cramping stops of course
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3rd fill

Ok, I went in and had my 3rd fill this morning...Now at a 2.5 in my 4 cc band...I actually saw my dr today and he did my fill, I havent seen him since my follow up after my surgery so it was nice to see him again...Well, at a 2.5 my barium went down very very slow and had to swollow several different times to get it to go down...But the dr says that i have lost 13 lbs since my last fill about 2 months ago and was totally happy with my loss...I guess that their expectations arent as high as the ones with the band...I thought that I was going really slow on my loss lately and had been at a stand still for several weeks without a loss of anything basically, but as long as he says I am doing great then I am not going to be all depressed about it...Well, I am on the thick liquids till Sunday morning and hopefully that will help jump start my loss...I just had a Dannon Light and Fit yogart and it went down really good and tasted great...I will have to see how the fill treats me after it has time to settle in
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The Beggining

I started out with a regular visit to my family dr on April 14th asking what she thought about the lapband...She was very excited that I was interested in the procedure...At this time she said that she would refer me due to me having a great insurance plan (UHC)...By the first week of May I had the referal letter from my dr and contact the surgeon that she had refered me to (Dr Cribbins)...I called the surgeons office to make and appt and was told that I would need to attend a seminar before an appt with him and they just happened to have one that next week...I was very excited to sit thru the seminar on May 12th and listen to all of the different types of weight loss surgery...I was in and talking with the surgeon by May 16th and was told that I would more than likely be approved by the insurance company...With UHC you are only required to have a 40 bmi or over to be approved with no medical history needed...Well at this same appt I was given the name of a psychologist which is required by this surgeon before surgery:help: ...Ok, so...I get home and am able to make an appt with the psychologist for May 26th and it consisted basically of about 100 true/false questions of how many times you have thought of killing yourself and who all you wanted to take with you when you went within the last month or so and a short visit with the dr herself....:cry So on June 5th I got my approval from the insurance company to have the lapband done and have my bloodwork, ekg and xrays on June 9th and my preop appt with Dr Cribbins on June 21st and then my surgery is scheduled on June 22nd at Frisco Baylor:clap2: ...I am way too excited about the entire thing and just waiting to see all the results of not doing this:hungry: ..haha....Now its just waiting and anticipating!!!
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Called for another fill

Today I decided that I give up on the first fill and called and made an appointment for a 2nd...I have heard that there is quite a bit of a difference between the 1st and the 2nd...I just want to get to the point to where I am losing again and so far its not happening...Maybe the 2nd one will be that magic one that helps me along...Got my fingers crossed and going in on the 22nd, yipee! Of course I am going to have a hard time getting adjusted to the new fill cuz I am already pbing a couple times a week, bu all of that is my own fault for not chewing good enough or too fast...I need to learn to slow it down, its all a learning process!:cry
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Dr Visit

Well I had my follow up appointment with my dr today! After hearing my story of what all had been happening she sent me right upstairs to her favorite OB...After talking with the OB and running alot of tests she is thinking that my depo shot and the lapband are fighting eachother...Basically one stores estrogen and one makes you get rid of it so they were battling since June and I think by the looks of it the band one...She says that my depo days are deffinately over...So she also has me scheduled for an ultrasound next friday just incase its something else and I have a follow up with her on the friday after that to get all of my testing results back and to talk to her about a new birth control method...She had mentioned the mirena which I had never heard of before...I just sits right inside the uterus and you dont have to worry about birth control for 5 years at a time, no weight gain (which I had alot from the depo) and it doesnt use estrogen at all (which is exactly what I need)...She said in most cases the patient doesnt even bleed during that time of the month but maybe spots just a little...I told her that it sounded better than finding a huge diamond in my christmas stocking...She will call if anything abnormal comes up with my tests but says if she dont hear from me that everything is fine and can wait till my follow up...Of course we have to wait on the mirena until after all my tests are back cuz she dont want to add insult to injury if something else is wrong...So far the estrogen pills are working pretty good, just a little spotting right now but nothing like it was thank goodness...It can only get better from here on!!
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Could Have Been Worse

Oh well, my weekly weigh in could have been worse...With me being sick and not up moving around much I will totally accept the 2.5 lbs gain...I will get that back off in no time...Of course I am not happy with it but I think my health this week was alot more important...My husband says that will can start walking as a family in the evenings for a little bit more of a workout, but we will see how that goes...I am going to atleast get back started on my afternoon workout possibly today...
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Not so bad

Ok, so with it being my bday weekend I dont think that I did so bad..I gained about 1 1/2 pounds since Friday, but its still 1 lb less than last week...Im not going to kill myself over it, you have to splurdge every once in awhile...My dh bought me both breakfast and dinner yesterday then we had a cake around the house that I just had to grab a little of everytime I saw it...So I will take my 1 1/2 pounds with a smile this time...I went to my ultrasound friday and didnt find anything out bascially...The tech says she cant say anything till the dr goes over them first...So I have my followup with my regular ob next week and hopefully everything will be fine
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Im back on track

I am finally back to my 40 lbs even today...Now that the weekend is over with its time to get back on track...I wanted to be at about 250 by christmas but it doesnt appear that its going to happen that way...I will take whatever comes my way and learn to deal with it...I am scheduled for my 3rd fill on the 17th of next month and have big plans for that fill...I want to be at about 200 or less by June (my 1 year anniversary of getting the band)...I dont plan on getting anymore fills after that point due to that is when the insurance stops covering the cost of them...So if I lose or not I will keep scheduling my fills about every 1 1/2-2 months from no on to try to keep on track...I still love the band and without it I wouldnt be at a 40 lb loss right now and anything is an improvement...The band is really kind of fickled...I took leftovers from dinner last night for lunch today at work..Last night it went down great and caused me to get sick at lunch today...But after a couple bites and having something get stuck then lunch was over for me which I guess was a good thing cuz I ate less and expect a little bit of a loss by tomorrow...I was planning on getting back on track with my workouts today since my medical problems have really been keeping me from doing anything strenuous for now...But I came home and mowed the front and backyard today so that counts as my workout for today..This in itself was great cuz in the past I had to mow the front yard one day and the back another just to make it thru it and now I can actually do both...:clap2:...Yipee for me!! As far as the medical stuff, its still going on and heavier than last week, but I have my follow up with my ob on friday and hopefully she will have some good news for me and help me get it under control...I think that I have rambled on enough for today, but more rambles to come in the near future...The band is good, the band is wise!!:hail: I bow to the band!!
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Just waiting

Just sitting here waiting to take my son to the dr so I can go to my follow up again with the ob...I hope that she has some good news for me today...I am really anxious to get back on some type of birth control...My dh and I are not use to going without some type since we havent had to worry about it for over 10 years now...The dr wouldnt give me anything on my last visit thinking that it might make things worse if she did...We have messed up 1 time in the last week and had sex without anything and I am totally concerned that it might only take that 1 time to do me in...Thats all I need right now since I just got the band in June is to become pregnant...I think I would just end up pulling all of my hair out...Besides we just cant afford another child right now at all and our only child is about to turn 11 and I am not wanting to start all over again with late night wake ups and feedings and diapers....I WANT BIRTH CONTROL TODAY!! And I have been stuck on my weight for the last week or so too and am really wanting the 17th to get here so I can go get another fill...I feel like right now it is hitting me from every angle, band and all...
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Today Is The Day

Well, I can finally say that today is the day....I am just so excited that I cant seem to even think right today...Well, I guess thats not a good thing since I have to work half the day before going in...I went in for my preop yesterday and found out that they would not be doing any type of fill until 5-6 weeks after the surgery...I also found out that I would be having to stay the night at the hospital since mine is scheduled so late in the day...The reasoning is for the swollow testing that they perform afterwards...I got the final ppwk showing that I will be on only clear liquids for 3 days then I can move on to mushies for 5 weeks after that...Its all for the best since we want the tummy to completely heal properly before we attempt anything else...I woke up this morning and had 2 messages waiting on me...1/from the hospital wanting to do my pre admit ppwk 2/the anethesiologist wanting to touch base with me and let me know I could drink and eat till 8 am this morning (which is wonderful cuz the surgeon said after midnight?) Dont they know that people sleep evadentally...But I was excited that I could have something to drink anyways, didnt want to eat but did have a diet drink for breakfast...I was in shock yesterday cuz I have been celebrating all week and eating everything I possilby could, well I only gained 2.5 lbs so thats pretty good considering what all I shoved down my mouth this week...lol...Well, thats all for now...The next time I update I will be on the postop side (totally excited)
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Crud

Well I thought that the 2nd fill was going to be the magic one for me...Right after the fill I lost about 5-6 lbs then it kinda slowed down then just stopped all together in the last week...I still cant eat much and am faithfully doing my workout everyday except Sundays and the day that I chose to mow the yard (which I consider my workout anyways)...I had heard such good things about 2nd fills and am kinda upset right now about the process...But I guess maybe for me the 3rd fill might be my special one that does the real trick...I am excited that I have lost a little bit of weight since my fill but was expecting more I guess...I will wait about a month and see what happens then maybe have to call and schedule another one...My BDay is on the 21st and i kinda had a personal goal of being about 20 more pounds lower than where I am by then but maybe I had my expectations a little too high, after all I did make my goals within the 1st month after surgery when I was losing alot at the beginning...For now I will just sit back and see where it takes me and do everything that I am suppose to do so I dont have to have the guilt hanging over my head!!
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2 MORE DAYS

Two more days to go...I just cant wait...There is just no telling what the future will hold for me after Thursday...I am seriously hoping that the lapband helps me and that I am not one of the statistics (that really worries me alot)!! I was one of the lucky ones with good insurance that approved me right off the bat for the surgery...It was very depressing at the seminar having everyone find out that they would have to diet for 1-2 years and maybe longer and be monitored by their doctors office before approval..I could feel the disappointment spread thru the room...Most people came in with the mindset that it was basically their choice if they had the surgery or not and not that they would have to go thru a rough road with the insurance company...It was very sad...I believe that only me and 2 other people in the room at the time ended up having UHC and were told that we only had to have a bmi of 40 or over to be automatically approved...I was very excited for me, but I could feel all of the depression around me like air being let out of a balloon or something...Yes, I am a lucky one but that doesnt mean that its going to work for me...There is going to be alot of work ahead of me for the next year or two (hopefully not the later)...My heart just sank watching all the expressions on the other people there tho.. I dont know why I had the seminar on the mind all of a sudden, it wasnt there when i started writing a few minutes ago!! Well, this is a chance for a new and healthy life and I am going to give it my best and hopefully will come out a winner and be on the "lost more than 100 lbs" with some of the others before long...
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GGRRRRR

Ok so I was terrible last night....I had 3 pieces of deep dish pizza:pizza:....It was wonderful, but afterwards I felt so guilty...:emoticon(':killit')"]...This waiting for my fill and not really having a real restricton is getting to me...I am sure that one day of falling off the wagon wont kill me...I did not see any difference on the scales this morning which I was expecting about a pound gain but I guess that I moved around enough yesterday working in the yard and mowing that it evened out...Oh well, 1 more week to go then I am sure that I will do great...After all, everyone is expected to have a fall back every once in a while but I feel like crying due to letting myself down...I went into the OB yesterday for my bleeding problem and had to have one of those sonograms with the long wand, that wasnt pleasant...Well, anyways my dr said that some bleeding is normal since I havent in such a very long time and that maybe it was just time for me to get cleaned out...Said that there is only a very thin lining left and that it should stop anytime on its own...Also said that the depo shot that I got yesterday might actually help stop it and that if it doesnt before long that he would put me on some estrogen patches...He was really kinda rude, like I was wasting his time for something like that...Well hello, I dont think that bleeding for over a month is actually wasting his time...I guess that my drs visit might be why I fell into the pizza, I always feel depressed and so violated going there and then for him to treat me like that just made it worse...Well, I am feeling a little bit better about it this morning but not by much so I only ate the toppings off of 3 pieces of left over pizza for breakfast (I said a little bit better, atleast I didnt eat the crust this time) lol[/b]:emoticon(':slap')"]...Tomorrow is a new day!!!(Thank GOD)[/b]
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