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Blog 65988

A blog by bashful1269

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Ah, today is much better

Today is a much better day. I went to my PT appointment and then went to see Tina and got another adjustment. I just felt like I needed a little more restriction to keep me from over eating. I had lunch with my sister which consisted of five bites of soup and three bites of salad and was full. She just bought a new car from my old boss and he told her the next time I was in town that she had better look him up so that he could see me. So, we stopped by the dealership that he works at and he was AMAZED at what I looked like. He hadn't seen me since I weighed about 325 pounds...There's a little difference now...I'm 230 now. He made me feel really good. It was hilarious he kept hugging me and hugging me. Other than that my day was uneventful.

October 1, 2009

3

What a week!

It's been a week since I've posted on my blog, I feel bad for that, I've found it's a great source of stress relief from me and really should do it everyday. My friend John who retired (at the age of 42) last year from being an air traffic controller came in for a visit on Monday. It was an unexpected visit and I had to work which was a bummer. I did take off Tuesday with him and we went to the gym together. That was fun. He's addicted to my rockband game! We had a blast just jammin. My friend Dalena moved in last Friday with her ten year old son. It's been a lot better than I thought it would be. Mikey her son is going to have some serious food issues if she doesn't change his eating habits I can already see that. He doesn't want to eat what is on the table and then goes to the cabinet that is now loaded (ugh ugh ugh) with JUNK food and gets whatever he wants. Dalena has never once read a food label doesn't know the difference between fat, carbs and protein and no clue what a serving size is. I'm working on teaching her. I think that I will take her to the nut with me on Thursday when I go for my first fill. I am SOOOOOOO ready for my first fill. It's so hard sticking to just what I am supposed to be eating. I've been cooking a lot more since Dalena has been here which is rough for me. I'm going to back off on that. It's better not to have the temptation of tasting while I cook. I'm getting burnt out on cottage cheese and yogurt. I do great during the day when I am at work and want to eat the house at night. Dang scale must be broken it's not moving:cursing: I am exercising at least an hour of cardio every day and have noticed a difference in the size of my clothing. I was SHOCKED:w00t: last night when I bought a pair of inspiration workout pants from old navy in a size medium and they FIT!!!:thumbup::thumbup::cursing: Doing the happy dance! Today my cardio will be spent in the garden, my Weed, oh I mean flower beds have been overtaken and i must find them. With that I'm going to sign off and get to work. Hope everyone one is doing well with their band, I hope mine starts working soon, it's been a slacker!

August 16, 2009

3

Second fill

I go for my second fill tomorrow. I am hoping to start getting some restriction. Pretty much anything goes down and I can eat way more than I am supposed to eat. I know this because I have been STRESSED and eating too much, this week trying to get everything done that I need to get done before going on vacation. I have a friends wedding on Saturday and I am doing all of her decorations and flowers and photography for, it's going to be CRAZY busy! I don't think that I've lost. I haven't gotten on the scales because I'm afraid of them this week. One good thing that I've been doing is exercise. An hour a day of cardio, weight lifting twice a week, and yoga and zumba twice a week. I'm sure I've lost a few inches at least. I had a margarita last night...half a margarita more like it...I AM A CHEAP DrunK!!!! Bonus on the banding...little food...little drink= CHEAP DATE! That's it for tonight, time to rest.

September 3, 2009

2

The flu

Ugh, the flu is kicking my butt!!! I'm coughing a lot and I'm a little worried that it could cause my band to slip. I've read several post about people having coughing fits and their band slipping. It has only been six weeks or so since I've been banded. I'm hoping nothing bad happens. I've been able to eat the recommended amounts and stay full for three or four hours which is much better than what I was able to do. I ate steak for the first time tonight, it was wonderful! I had to cut it very thin and chew chew chew. I'm beginning to feel like a train...chew chew ...chewwwwww

September 7, 2009

2

First fill...post op appointments

I went for my first fill today, easy nothin to it! Just had to lay there he stuck a needle in to numb it and then the fill needle, didn't hardly feel it at all. I am losing an average of 2.6 pounds a week according to the dietitian, I'm ok with that. I'm glad that I can start weight lifting now. I'm ready to hit the gym on something besides cardio. I'm glad to be on real food!!!! FINALLY~!~ on to other things.... I cooked dinner for HOT Greg and my mom and roommate last night. That was FUN. HG needed a place to store his 68 vet and my mom has four garages and she offered to let him use one of hers for a little while. So, since he was going over there anyway...I offered to cook. It was fun! He acted surprised that I knew how to cook, I wanted to say "HELLO, I'm a fat chick, of course I know how to cook!...I didn't though. I kept it pretty simple and ate just a small amount. We talked a lot last night which was fun for me. He's so HOT he makes me nervous. At least it's a step! He's going to go out with a group of us on Saturday night, now I have to find some clothes that fit so I can show off the 30 pounds I've lost!!!!! FUN TIMES AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

August 20, 2009

2

I'm cranky somebody should send me to my room!

I woke up cranky this morning and it's been a battle ever since to try and maintain a happy face today. It doesn't happen often that I'm cranky, but man when it does...Look OUT! :cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing: I stayed in my office most of the day because I knew I was cranky and although, I really wanted to chew today, I thought it best not to chew on my employees. Happy thought for the day...I did get to the soft food phase finally, man it is really nice to have to chew even if it is only 1.5 ounces at a time. I did go to the gym after work and had a good workout on the crossglider..45 minutes ...500 calories burned!!!!!!!!! Heck that's about 200 more than I ate today! Life is good. That's all I have for today, I'm going to BED!

August 6, 2009

2

My band is being tested

I'm having a really rough week this week. It's been crazy at work and then I found out that a friend (or someone I thought was my friend) betrayed me to a point that I doubt that I will ever speak to him again. I am so angry, so hurt, so freaking pissed off that I don't even know what to do with myself besides cry and wonder why? What was the point? Why? :biggrin: I of course am an emotional eater and turned to the cookies the other night. I ate four and got sick...thank you band! Yesterday, I threw the cookies away something I would have never done prior to the band so YAY me:thumbup: I over ate big time and felt like crap. Today, I haven't over eaten, I haven't eaten cookies I took a bath and tried to read a book. I don't know when I have ever had someone make me feel so completely used and hurt and frustrated. GRRRR GRRRR GRRRRR AND GRRR SOME MORE! I'm so angry! I know I need to calm down if it wasn't raining I'd go for a run. I think I need make an appointment with the shrink...did I just type run????:thumbup::cursing::thumbup::cursing::thumbup::cursing:

October 9, 2009

2

OMG I'm brain TOAST!!!

I made it through the day without having to really deal with the food issue too much, lunch was the only time I had to figure out what to do. We had sub sandwiches, I tore mine apart and only ate a piece of the cheese and a piece of the ham off of it. I didn't feel much like eating. I guess I was really tight this morning because yogurt made me feel like I was stuck...HOW CAN THAT BE?? Grrrr I interviewed for eleven solid hours with less than a minute between interviews and only a 15 minute break for lunch. My brain is mush! Between six of us we hired 130 people and still have about 200 more to hire in the next two days. Can you say FUN??? I was able to get out of dinner by just saying that I had a long drive home and wanted to get a workout in. They were ok with that excuse. Now, I'm going to go find my whirlpool bath and my book and decompress.

September 23, 2009

2

Post op

Well it's been four days since surgery and I have to say that I feel great. I am having some troubles with sticking to the post op diet. I cooked for April and of course she had to pick one of my favorite dishes. I tasted as I was cooking...now I'm scared that I'll have a band slip. I've decided I won't be cooking again until after I'm past the mushie stage. Thankfully, I live alone at the moment and don't have to. Now that I'm home I am going to concentrate on setting a eating schedule that I can live with when I go back to work. I think 9 1 and 5 are good times for me to eat. I'll have to work on finding something to tied me over with if I'm going to eat later then that and am hungry but will try to stick to schedule as much as possible. Yesterday pretty much sucked ass. I went to Alaina's wedding reception and I was worn out from helping her. Katelynne patted my stomach and made me cry earlier in the day then Glenn poked me right in the port incision ...not knowing so it's not his fault but it brought me to my knees in tears and I had to leave. I felt really bad. I'm down to 243 this morning!!! That's pretty exciting I'm hoping to lose another ten by the time I go back to work next Monday..that would be AWESOME!!! I'm thinking about using medifast for a while just to help speed things along to my goal. I really like the bars and they should be just the right amount to fill me up and they have complete nutrition. Then I wouldn't need the stupid flinstone vitamins. 83 pounds to goal!!! I so want to be at goal for the Christmas party!! I have six months it's realistic right??? That's about it for the moment.

July 26, 2009

2

Food

How is it that you can be hungry without being hungry? Head hunger..SUCKS! The dietitian says between 300 to 400 calories a day is what I'm supposed to be eating. I'm eating around that many ...I wonder though...What does eating this few calories do to the metabolism? I worry about my metabolism shutting down and going into starvation mode. I have been exercising at least an hour a day and eating somewhere between 300 to 500 calories a day and I have stopped losing...HOW??? what the heck???? I mean I've lost 10 inches total but come on ...Move scale!!! I know I'm burning more than I'm taking in. Ok, enough ranting about that... My friend Dalena is moving in this weekend. I'm a little nervous. I haven't lived with anyone in over a year...It'll take some getting used to...Oh well it will be nice to have help with the mortgage. Hot Greg was working today, it was pretty cool he was stressing trying to find the mistake on a cash drawer and I walked by and could tell he was stressing...I asked him if he needed help and he said "Sure". I found the mistake the accounting dept had made in a matter of about 30 seconds and he was Sooo, impressed...I shrugged my shoulders and said...12 years of accounting...and smiled at him...He's YUMMY!!! April thinks that I should just ask him out...I just don't have the nerve enough to do that just yet...in a few months, when I hit my first goal then heck yeah~!~ I'm hoping he will ask me out before then. So I was trying to keep the surgery kindof quite at work, I was just telling people that I had hiatal hernia which I did...anyway, everybody knows now ...apparently people think it's their business to know my business. Joe comes up to me and says "so, I heard you had the lap band done?" I thought that was for the morbidly obesed? I just looked at him and said..."that would be me". He said "I wouldn't have ever guessed you to be that over weight"...I thought to myself...Sweet, I don't look as big as I feel...He then goes on to tell me how he's 30 pounds overweight and he's just going to have to do it the "Hard way" HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOO Did he just say this was THE EASY WAY?????...Captain obvious needs a reality check...let's see, 10 days liquid pre op, two weeks of full liquids and now who knows how long on 5 TABLESPOONS three times a day... all the while the freaking band is not doing anything but sitting there...Oh and not to mention an hour in the gym doing cardio, sweating my ass off!....YUP definitely, the "easy" way! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! This is the reason I was not telling people! I did give him the reality check and had to give my sister the reality check as well...She said "Well, then why did you need the band if you're doing all the work?" I said "to keep it off!" GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I think she's going to be the jealous type. She has always been smaller than me and now I'm probably a little smaller than her and will be a lot smaller by the time I'm done. Ok, so I'm just gripping, I'm going to turn this off for the night. Maybe, I'll go hop on my eliptical trainer and do this the easy way....

August 8, 2009

2

Feeling

I'm feeling pretty good today, I'm tired but it's hard to find a really comfortable sleeping position. So, I just don't sleep. I figured out last night that if I mix a little cereal and protein powder in my yogart that I don't get hungry as fast. It's not the best taste, but at this point it's not as much about taste as it is about nutrition. I'm feeling pretty accomplished. I have all of the bows made for mother Beth's wedding and all of the table decor along with one boot just waiting on approval to make the rest. Need to get a list of people so I can mark them as I make them. ... HOW do I get myself into these things...Oh well it's fun and it's turning out beautifully. I will be so glad when softball is over so I don't have to see Larry B anymore. I wish that he could be like all of my other ex's and just not have to have any contact with him. But, NO I was stupid and started an office relationship...STUPID...I can avoid him pretty good but he always makes up reasons to come by or email or some something that I have to answer or acknowledge him. GRRRR, it's frustrating. Moving on... My band and I are getting along pretty good. I stress ate some cheese Saturday night and now I'm stressing about whether or not I have slipped or damaged my band. I won't be doing that again for sure. I need to drink more it's just that I can't drink a lot at a time and then I forget to pick it up and drink. It's hard not to drink with meals as I've done that all of my life to help me fill up. I've done pretty good with it. I am sure it will get harder once I am on solid food. I'm proud that I have lost twenty pounds since this journey began. I hope to lose another ten this week if I'm lucky. I'm trying really hard to follow the nuts guidelines and only eating three times a day. I have figured out what full feels like. It's kind of painful. It's going to take a while to figure out the signal to stop before the painful point. Hard to believe that point can be before I've consummed 1/2 cup of food. I used to eat LOTS more than that. I've discovered I like blogging it's rather refreshing to get all of my thoughts out of my head. I wish I could exercise I am ready to hit the gym. I think I'll go for a walk in a little bit. ...Maybe I'll do that now...ttyl

July 27, 2009

2

Tuesday 7/28/09

I woke up feeling ready to exercise, I got up and went for a walk down the hill and down to the end of the road maybe 1/4 mile total, TOTALLY kicked my butt! I will do it again tonight. It may not be far, but at least it's moving my tail. I'm ready to hit the gym and do some weight training so I don't lose the muscles that I have built over the years. I'm so excited! I talked to my friend Jimmy from St. Louis last night on the messenger and he told me that he had the lap band done in April and has lost, get this...90 pounds!! That's amazing to me. I'm pumped, I don't think I will lose that much that fast but it gave me hope. So far I've lost 12 pounds this week just by following what the nut told me to eat. I've been hungry, I mentioned that to Jimmy and he told me to make sure that I was using the protein shakes. I'll be honest I haven't really been doing many of those. I think when I get to the stage where I can eat I will start making some smoothies with the protein whey and have them for breakfast. I go to see Dr. K today, he hasn't seen me since I started looking into this. Mom told him last week when she was in there that I had had it done and he was amazed at how quickly it all went through. I am too...it's so amazing from the time that I finally sent my paperwork into Silvia to the time of my surgery was less than six weeks!!! Crazy! Absolutely, Crazy! I'm so glad that I did this. I know it's just a tool, but I've been good at working out and even eating fairly nutritiously most of the time, I just eat too much and I hope that's where the band will come in and stop me from doing that. Well there you have it...all the random thoughts going through my head...

July 28, 2009

2

Back to work

Well, vacation is over...POUT POUT!! I think it's actually going to be a good thing. I eat way too much when I'm home. I want to snack all day and that's BAD! I try to choose healthy snacks but found myself eating CHOCOLATE today, that's BAD BAD BAD!!! I am a sugar addict so, I know not to eat it. I did manage to lose five pounds this last two weeks!!!!! So, I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I did take my diabetes medicine just so my sugar didn't spike. I haven't had to take it since I had my surgery. I am really feeling the restriction in the mornings, I tried to eat cherry yogurt this morning and got stuck on a little piece of the cherry. It loosens up after about three hours and a glass of water, I'm wondering if it has something to do with being a little dehydrated from the overnight, without water. Friday night, Dave (my friend) and I took my roomies ten year old to the races with us. It was a BLAST he was in awe! It was fun watching his reactions to the wrecks. He was having so much fun, and Dave was having as much fun watching him as the races. Too fun!!! Yesterday was a quite day, I didn't do anything but SLEEP!!! I was good and went and worked out for about an hour and a half. I LOVE Wilson's gym they are great people and it's not the type of gym that you feel intimidated walking into. I'm going to take a cardio dance class on Tuesday night, that should be fun. I found my flirty girl workout video's so I'm going to start working out to them and to the biggest loser workout videos too. I have found that I really enjoy exercise. It's my time! I love the way it makes me feel and I try to do a wide variety of things so I don't get bored with it. Today I cleaned house, did laundry and I cooked dinner tonight for Larry, for those of you who haven't read my previous blogs, he's my ex- relationship without a relationship guy...Man it was HARD seeing him...He's the first person that I can honestly say that I have been truly in love with. I ended it a few months ago because I knew it wasn't going anywhere and I was going to end up getting hurt. My roomie invited him out for dinner, not sure if it was her idea or his. I of course cooked his favorite meal and we had a great time. It was a little tense... and I was right...I ended up getting hurt. I still after four months have very strong feelings for him. He was very complimentary of my weight loss, he hugged me and was like "WOW, you're getting skinny"....Pardon me for a moment....Jumping up...giving myself a high five! ...YAY ME!!!!!! :thumbup: Ok back now, sorry about that.... It made me feel so good! That's about it for today. I think I'm going to work on a menu plan for next week. I need to start keeping better track of what I'm putting in my little tummy so I can start losing MORE!!!

September 14, 2009

2

ICK!!! Feeling Drained and grouchy

I feel totally DRAINED today. I think I may have over done it a bit yesterday, that and TOM(time of the month) had to show up...dang it! I did force myself into going for a walk, I thought maybe it would give me some energy but it only drained more out of me. I think I'll have to take a nap. The one thing that I absolutely hate about the band is not being able to take pills normally. I have to cut them in really little pieces and put them in applesauce or pudding to get them to go down. I hate taking pills anyway so having to take six small pieces of one pill is FRUSTRATING! Last softball game is tonight!!! I really like it but I think ten weeks is a too long, it's tough keeping everybody committed. Besides it will be good not having to see Larry every week. I have to plan the bbq next I'm waiting until I'm on the soft food stage though, I want to eat like everybody else...Just not as much. Well that's all the energy I have for my daily random thoughts...It's off to napland!

July 30, 2009

2

My birthday

WOW, it's hard to believe that I am 39 years old...seems just yesterday I was wishing for 21. My friends had a party for me last night, HOLY BUCKETS! I will NOT forget this birthday for a while! I'm three months into my journey and it's funny how much I've changed my personality along with my looks. A friend of mine, whom I haven't seen since before I was divorced came last night. She called me this morning and told me that she just couldn't believe the change in me. It made me feel good. That I've made so many positive changes in my life since that time. I've been feeling a little down about not doing the right things all the time and beating myself up for every mistake I've made in the last three months, but looking back, I think I've done pretty darned good. It's not going to happen overnight. I did learn how to make a really good sugarfree, almost fat free baked new york style cheesecake. I was playing around with my recipe because I wanted one for my birthday. It turned out AMAZING if anyone would like the recipe I'd be happy to share. Warning it takes three to four hours to make it. That's it for today, I think it's time to crawl back in bed.

October 19, 2009

2

Great day at work

It was good to be back to work today, I was busy but it was fun. I love my job! Food was much easier because I was working. It's my down time that I have a problem munching. I have an incredibly busy week planned for after work this week so I shouldn't have too much trouble sticking to the plan. I have my third fill on Thursday. I'm pretty excited about it, I'm hoping that it is the fill that gets me to the sweet spot! I have the dietitian appointment that day as well. I have a ton of questions for her. I really need to learn how to plan my meals out so that I don't have to think about what I want and so I don't grab just what's convenient. I try to make good choices most of the time but there have been times that if I had a plan in place I wouldn't have made the same choices. I'm hoping she can help with that. I changed my hair color while I was on vacation and got tons of compliments today. I'll have to post a pic sometime soon. . . Still hiding from the camera. LOL one day, I won't hide. Hope everyone had a great Monday!

September 14, 2009

2

He's just not that into you

So, as you know I went to the phyc the other day and she told me to keep a stress log in addition, she suggested a really good book that is actually now a movie called "He's just not that into you". Two chapters in; it's been one of the most informative books that I think I've ever read...There are some really great male insights to think about while reading. I must admit it has triggered my..."ah ha!" I've been hanging out with A holes all along! I've decided that there are some people in my life that I just need to walk away from. I hate losing people that I have shared time with, but for my own mental health and my own physical health I think it best. So, PEACE OUT to those men that want to date me without dating me, the relationship without the relationship kind of guys can now...K M A... I strongly suggest that if you're a single girl trying to date that you get this book! I started tanning at the gym, I'm the whitest white girl you've ever seen, well I used to be that is...Now I'm the reddest lobster girl you've ever seen. How can a person burn so bad after just seven minutes in a tanning bed? I had been doing the stand up bed for seven and hadn't had a problem. Yesterday I was feeling lazy and did the lay down bed and FRIED!! I just want a tan, I don't want to be a chicken fried Stacy! How does this happen?:smile2: I am so going to try to get to a size ten before January 23rd, that's the day of our work holiday party and I want to look HOT! I'm a 14 now, if I'm going to make a ten I'm going to have to hit the gym even harder than I have been. I can do it though, I have faith in myself. It's all in the numbers calories in have to be less than the calories out. That's it for me...Have a fun weekend in band land.:huh2:

November 8, 2009

1

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Eat healthy and stop when you're comfortable~! I have to practice that bit of advice myself.

November 26, 2009

1

Much better today

I'm in a much better mood today. I went to bed really early last night and finally got a good nights sleep. Today has been a food struggle kindof day, I'm hungry and everything looks good. It doesn't help that I work at Hy-Vee and for those of you who don't know it's a HUGE grocery store that has the constant smell of fresh baked breads and cookies, chinese food, pizza and starbucks...Oh well, at least I love my job...it's a good time! Nice to be able to say that after sixteen years of working there. I think I like it so much because I'm spoiled! I worked out for an hour of cardio today. It felt good. 20 minutes on the treadclimber, 20 minutes on the cross glider and 20 minutes on the treadmill. Wheeeewwwww, what a workout! Feeling good!:frown:

August 7, 2009

1

It moved!!!! Finally!

Finally, the stupid scale moved this morning!! All at once I'm down to 234!!! Yeah, I'm so excited. In fact I had to get on and off the scale four times just to make sure it was right. That gives me 19 pounds to lose to make it to my first goal. I was hoping to hit 215 by October 18th, I think I can do it! Wouldn't it be great to be in Onderland before Christmas?? Well, it's off to the gym.

August 8, 2009

1

I survived it!

Well the three intense days of interviewing are over. It was an amazing experience and I'm excited to say that I have been invited to participate in the next store opening that we will be hiring for in January. I had a lot of fun with our corporate officers. Over the last three days we managed to hire and schedule training for over 325 people. Crazy! Unfortunately, I got stuck tonight at dinner. We were eating at Chevy's mexican and I wasn't paying attention and took a bite and all of a sudden PAIN!!! Stupid stupid Stacy I had told Karee and she just looked at me with big sympathetic eyes when I came back to the table but didn't say a word. I was thankful for that. Now I'm going to concentrate on getting back into a routine. I did manage to workout this week even though I didn't really feel like it. I knew that if I gave into the "oh, I'm busy" excuse that I would continue to use it and slip out of my routine I've been working so hard to establish. I'm brain fried ....g'night everyone.

September 25, 2009

1

PCP Visit...Dr. K

I had to go and see my PCP doc today. Dr. Kistler, absolutely the most amazing Doctor and person I've ever met. He always greets me with a huge hug and smiles from ear to ear. I happily stepped on the scale today...officially down 23 pounds since the last time I saw him just three months ago. He was so proud. It really shocked him that I got the insurance to go through without any problems. I told him that I had sent them so much supporting paperwork they didn't have a choice. I sent them a copy of the requirements as listed in the handbook, a letter from their own health coach that was assigned to me to manage my diabetes over a year ago, a letter from Dr. K, Dr. Case (diabetes Doc), Dr. Sloan (ortho) and a letter from my physical therapist and a letter that I had written along with personal training documents that showed my tried and failed attempts at keeping the weight off. I had an approval in less than a week from the time they sent it in. I was super impressed that it went so easily. After that discussion, he inspected my battle wounds and listened to my lungs as I'm a little short of breath when sitting straight up. Not sure why. Then he asked me TONS of band questions like could I feel it when I ate and so on...then I told him that I had gotten the realize band and had to explain the difference in the bands to him. I'm wondering if he's thinking about having it done because he asked me how much it cost without insurance... I hope so it would be a great tool for him. So that was my visit...I think he should have been paying me the co pay...DANG...Oh well, I love talking to him...he's amazing!!!

July 28, 2009

1

One week today

One week ago today... at this time 8 am I was sitting in the surgery holding area waiting. It's hard to believe that I actually now have this amazing tool inside of me. This morning I got up and decided it was time to go for a walk, not like yesterday where I walked just a little ways, today was for exercise not just to see if I could do it. I turned on the music and headed down the road. I live in the country so walking on the road is pretty safe. I saw one car the whole 40 minute walk. It felt so good to walk and sweat and really know that I'm doing this. One thought kept running through my head and that was "How can I make this work for the rest of my life?" I have to figure out the answer to that question. I really like working out first thing in the morning but hate having to get up early. I used to be at work by 3 am every morning for twelve years. I've come to enjoy sleeping until 7. I could go to the gym after work or I could simply get my lazy butt out of bed and go at 5:30am....hmmm decisions decisions. I think for next week I will go as soon as I get off of work. I know I'm going to be exhausted going back to work. Should I get up and go in the morning? It's a tough choice. Maybe, I'll try both ways and see which one works out the best. All I know for sure is I'm not going to give up and let this weight beat me again. I am committed to doing this for me by me! I'm going to be proud of every mile stone, and every stumbling stone, it's not going to be easy but I am capable I have the tool to help me! I AM GOING TO LOSE 100 POUNDS!!! Only 78 pounds to go! Well that's it for the moment. I'm tired and need a nap. HEY I'm recovering from surgery here...napping is important!

July 29, 2009

1

Background about me and the people mentioned in my blogging.

To understand parts of my blog you should have a little background about me and the people in my life that you will see mentioned in my blog. About me... I'm 38, divorced and currently not in a real relationship. Relationships are a challenge for me, I just can't seem to figure them out. I am totally a people pleaser and give way to much of myself in relationships without expecting anything in return...You guessed it...the perfect setup to be used and taken for granted. Albeit by my own doing as I set the stage for such happenings. I'm working on fixing this character defect and trying to figure out a good balance which is why I am currently not in relationship..Another thing that makes relationships hard for me is the fact that I am very independent and self reliant and supported..I own my own house (my family and I physically built it ourselves) and make a decent living... I think that makes most men a little intimidated. PS to the guys out there who may read this...why wouldn't you want a woman who could take care of herself???....well enough on that subject. A little more about me...I have been trying to lose weight all of my life and I have made it a goal that if I was going to be fat at least I wasn't going to be weak so I have worked out a lot in the past yet, I am 100 pounds overweight. I'm a size 14-16 and wear and extra large shirt. I did this more for my health reasons than for looks...the looks thing that's icing on the cake...being able to get off my diabetes medicine and knowing I'm not damaging my body by not controlling the diabetes that's the important thing for me. Moving on... People in my life. Lets see. My mom, She's the reason I had the band put in. She's a walking medical book of her own. She has so many things wrong with her all because of being overweight and alcohol. She does not understand nutrition at all!!! She fell and broke her hip in July of 07 after my dad passed away in April from a broken hip, you can imagine how scared I was when I got that call. Three surgeries later she's finally able to walk and care for herself. My Sister Lisa, she and I were really close until she started working with me and couldn't separate work from home. Love my job but don't want to live it 24/7. She hates April because she blames her for taking me away from her. Totally not the case at all. My best friends April and Donna and Dalena. April, she's amazing. She has got to be one of the strongest people that I have ever met. She's under 30 and has lost two children. Serenity who was 20 days old and born with six major birth defects and Alex...My buddy...I miss him so much. Alex was four, he died September 10th, 2008 a day I will never forget because it was one of the hardest days of my life. To watch the life leave such an amazing little boy was heart wrenching. It makes me cry just to think about it. April has her days when it's really tough and the next six months I am sure are not going to be easy as we are coming up on the anniversary of his death and the Christmas holiday season. Most importantly I will be standing beside her and holding her close. Next is Donna. Donna she's complicated(She's my niece through marriage but also my best friend). She has the most amazing supportive attitude and helpful spirit. But, Donna like myself is morbidly obese. She's very frustrated about her weight and the fact that April and I are both losing weight and she feels lost. I try really hard to support her and have even set down and showed her the numbers of how many calories a day that she's putting in her body just by drinking soda(enough that by just stopping drinking soda would help her lose 12 pounds a month or at least not gain it). McDonalds or fast food of some type is a staple in her daily diet and it saddens me to watch her feeding that stuff to Payton my great niece who is 15 months old. I try to make suggestions such as order the apples instead of french fries. I think Donna wants to lose weight, but I don't think that she knows how to...Like so many of us. I see so many little changes that could make a big impact on her weight I just don't know how to approach the subject with her. I love her no matter how much she weighs or what she eats. I just feel a little guilty that I have this tool and I know that right now there is just no way that she could afford it with no insurance. Dalena...She's actually going to be moving in with me in a week. I'm a little nervous about that because she has a ten year old son and she doesn't drive. I live in the country and there is nothing within walking distance. I don't want to be a taxi service. We get along great I just worry that she will expect me to drive her around and that I will be the built in babysitter. Next the men in my life... Larry...I love him with all of my heart but know that he is a playa playa and totally the wrong man for me. I hired him two years ago. I could tell that he was into me because it was like he was making up reasons to come in just to "ask" me questions. I screwed up totally and fell into the game...I'm not a game player and had never been exposed to what would happen next. I dated Martin--Control freak--OTR truck driver...he broke up with me and I called my nephew who was working on the night crew to go and take all the pictures of Martin out of my office because I couldn't stand the thought of seeing them the next morning. Anyway...The next morning, Larry shows up in my office and makes the move...I ended up at his place that night and stupid me...yes, stupid stupid me slept with him!!!! DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB I would never do that again if I had it all to do over again. Anyway, this relationship without being in a relationship went on for a year and a half. I broke it off with him about two months ago because I knew that going into this lapband that I had to concentrate on me. T...Larry's best friend. He keeps asking me out, the only problems are one...He's Larry's best friend...Two He's Larry's best friend and Three he lives two hours away. Then there's Dave...He's awesome, we actually date, but he doesn't want a relationship either...GRRRRRR men they are so fickle. AM I JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO DATE? Lastly, Greg...HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT OH Did I mention he was HOT!!!!! He transferred in about four months ago. He and I just clicked, not sure why, normally I would probably never have talked to him because he is way HOT and I am Way bashful. I get the feeling that he likes me. The other night we were on the phone, I was booking a trip for him to Ireland. I asked him if he missed having me around this week and he said "No, because we're sleeping together...or at least that's the newest rumor" I laughed and said "Dang it! I missed it." We laughed ... Why is it that when I sit down with a guy at lunch the next thing I know it's going around that I'm sleeping with them?...not that I would mind at all with Greg but sheeeeshhhh come on people. The pets... Ruffaluf...Grey tiger stripped regal looking cat. He was born on my mom and dad's 47th wedding anniversary. Making him nine years old in September. Hotta hootta Houchy moooo...Other wise known as Hotta B or Obbitchywan...He's my baby. I had to bottle feed him because he was so little when we found him his eyes weren't even fully opened. He's been my baby ever since. Can you say SPOILED!!! He's a beautiful black tuxedo long haired cat that loves to snuggle in the morning. I love it when he pets my face to wake me up. Bear Bear...He's was an abused dog that Martin rescued that I got stuck with. He is a beautiful black lab. His name used to be Dr destructo but now he's starting to finally be a good dog except for when left outside alone he gets in the neighbors trash and drags it all over his yard...BAD BAD BAD DOG!!! That about wraps it up as to the important people in my life. Totally exciting huh????

July 29, 2009

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Test

Seems my post aren't posting...this is a test...Ok that seemed to work...finally! It's been a long week! I'm ready to relax. We went to steak and shake tonight...they have the perfect little hamburgers for 89 cents! I love eating small, it's so much cheaper! Hope everyone has a great weekend.

August 29, 2009

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