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Blog 65988

A blog by bashful1269

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Lunch with Dave, I'm so FRUSTRATED!!!

I went out for the first time since having surgery. My friend Dave and I went to Hunans, I was good and ate a bowl of egg drop soup minus all the stuff they put in it. I just ate the broth. As we're sitting there having lunch Dave asks..."So, are you full yet?" So of course I have to explain to him that right now I could eat anything that I wanted but because I'm healing I follow what the Dr. tells me to. So he goes on to ask Why, if I could follow what the Doctor has been telling me to do under my own will power to do( and doing quite well since I've lost now 25 pounds total), did I feel the need for the lapband surgery. I explained to him that I saw this as a way to finally keep the weight off. I've been successful at getting weight off before just not keeping it off. A little later he says "So, I failed you." I said no, you didn't fail me it was a choice that I made. He kept pushing that he had failed me by not supporting me and blah blah blah. Now, I'm a little frustrated and feeling down about myself...Questioning myself...Dave's right I should be able to do this, why can't I, why haven't I, I know how to do it I just don't...GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I have been ok with this decision and researched it and know in my heart that I made the right decision, why am I letting someones opinion have this much of a hold on my thinking? Why does it matter so much???? As I sit here in tears....Why do I care what he thinks anyway??? I'm just feeling like a failure. I hate this feeling. :biggrin::thumbup:

August 1, 2009

11

Just did it

I worked late today and I really just did not feel like working out. I skipped yesterday because I had a late orientation and was TOAST when I finished, so I knew I couldn't skip tonight. So off I went to the gym. I just did it...didn't want to do it, but I did it. I feel better for having done it, not necessarily the exercise but the fact that I didn't talk myself out of it. :tongue_smilie:

September 17, 2009

4

Just another day of random thoughts...

Well, it's Friday, two more days and it's back to reality. I'm a little nervous about going back, I work nine hour days and as it is a three hour trip to town yesterday wiped me OUT. Thankfully, I have an office job but can get up and walk when I want. I'm sure my office is a disaster by now as no one does my job while I'm away...Oh well job security right??? I love my job, I miss the people they are great. Donna came out and walked with me. I'm so proud of her for at least making the effort. She said she felt drained before we went and then she felt great after we got back...YEA!! Me on the other hand...I'm ready for a nap. Which I'm going to take as soon as I finish this. I like blogging because it gives me an outlet for my thoughts and helps me sleep better. I should have done it last night. I didn't go to sleep until well after 2 am as I could not shut my mind off. I was a little wound up after the softball game. It was fun! We lost but oh well. For those of you who read my blog I apologize if it's random and disorganized. I mention lots of people in my blogs and have even created a blog about the people just for additional information, if you want to know the background of the people involved in my ...days of our life blog... I'm starting to notice a difference in my legs and I have to say I'm a little miffed at the fact that it looks like I am losing muscle, I really don't want to lose muscle although, I know that I will probably lose some. I'm going to have to drink more protein shakes. They just are so sweet that I don't really like them, never thought I'd say something was too sweet. Sugar has always been my addiction. I will struggle with it until the day I die I am sure of that. Thankfully, Russell Stovers makes really good sugarfree candy. I'm ready for a nap! I'll blog more later if I'm feeling frisky when I wake up.

July 31, 2009

1

It moved!!!! Finally!

Finally, the stupid scale moved this morning!! All at once I'm down to 234!!! Yeah, I'm so excited. In fact I had to get on and off the scale four times just to make sure it was right. That gives me 19 pounds to lose to make it to my first goal. I was hoping to hit 215 by October 18th, I think I can do it! Wouldn't it be great to be in Onderland before Christmas?? Well, it's off to the gym.

August 8, 2009

1

ICK!!! Feeling Drained and grouchy

I feel totally DRAINED today. I think I may have over done it a bit yesterday, that and TOM(time of the month) had to show up...dang it! I did force myself into going for a walk, I thought maybe it would give me some energy but it only drained more out of me. I think I'll have to take a nap. The one thing that I absolutely hate about the band is not being able to take pills normally. I have to cut them in really little pieces and put them in applesauce or pudding to get them to go down. I hate taking pills anyway so having to take six small pieces of one pill is FRUSTRATING! Last softball game is tonight!!! I really like it but I think ten weeks is a too long, it's tough keeping everybody committed. Besides it will be good not having to see Larry every week. I have to plan the bbq next I'm waiting until I'm on the soft food stage though, I want to eat like everybody else...Just not as much. Well that's all the energy I have for my daily random thoughts...It's off to napland!

July 30, 2009

2

I'm cranky somebody should send me to my room!

I woke up cranky this morning and it's been a battle ever since to try and maintain a happy face today. It doesn't happen often that I'm cranky, but man when it does...Look OUT! :cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing: I stayed in my office most of the day because I knew I was cranky and although, I really wanted to chew today, I thought it best not to chew on my employees. Happy thought for the day...I did get to the soft food phase finally, man it is really nice to have to chew even if it is only 1.5 ounces at a time. I did go to the gym after work and had a good workout on the crossglider..45 minutes ...500 calories burned!!!!!!!!! Heck that's about 200 more than I ate today! Life is good. That's all I have for today, I'm going to BED!

August 6, 2009

2

I survived it!

Well the three intense days of interviewing are over. It was an amazing experience and I'm excited to say that I have been invited to participate in the next store opening that we will be hiring for in January. I had a lot of fun with our corporate officers. Over the last three days we managed to hire and schedule training for over 325 people. Crazy! Unfortunately, I got stuck tonight at dinner. We were eating at Chevy's mexican and I wasn't paying attention and took a bite and all of a sudden PAIN!!! Stupid stupid Stacy I had told Karee and she just looked at me with big sympathetic eyes when I came back to the table but didn't say a word. I was thankful for that. Now I'm going to concentrate on getting back into a routine. I did manage to workout this week even though I didn't really feel like it. I knew that if I gave into the "oh, I'm busy" excuse that I would continue to use it and slip out of my routine I've been working so hard to establish. I'm brain fried ....g'night everyone.

September 25, 2009

1

I did it!!!

I finally reached my first goal!!!!!! I am now at the lowest weight that I have been since my freshman year of high school. I am still quite a ways from the goal my doctor has set for me(67 pounds to go:blink:) but, it's still an AMAZING feeling:thumbup:! I'm so excited! Hope everyone else in band land is doing well, keep in touch!

November 19, 2009

6

Holy BUCKETS it's WORKING!!!!

I had my third fill today and had to go to the nut as well. I stepped on the scale and about fell off of it. I am losing at the rate of 2.6 pounds a week! I've lost a total of 33.5 pounds since starting this journey. Currently I'm at 231 and hoped to get to 215 by my birthday, October 18th, I told Tina (fill nurse) that today and she told me that she would prefer that I did not lose it that fast...POUT POUT. So, I'm shooting for 220 I think that's doable. She told me that I had to remember that I didn't get heavy overnight and it's not going to come off overnight either. She reminded me that it is better to lose slowly and steady so that my body has time to adjust to the changes it's going through. I think this is good advice for everyone on this journey. She did give me a half cc so I am now at 4.5cc's in my 9cc band. I'm hoping that it takes away that hungry all the time feeling, we'll see. Hope everyone in band land is doing well.

September 17, 2009

3

Head hunger, real hunger, or habit hunger...HG update

There are times when I am not sure what kind of hunger I'm having. It seems that I am hungry most of the time. I've had two fills, after the last fill I was feeling pretty good and not hungry. Now, it seems that I am hungry all the time. I'm not sure if it's real hunger. I'm on vacation and staying at home since I don't really have the money to travel on this vacation. When I'm working I have set times to eat and don't think about food. Now that I'm home on vacation my roomy thinks I should cook for everyone and their dog...I love company and cooking, but it's tough for me because I want to taste everything I'm cooking. Then when it's time to eat I'm not really hungry and I eat anyway....BAD HABIT!! Roomie doesn't cook, she loves to brag on how good of a cook I am and that's why she's always inviting people (guys) over to eat. My question is this...how do I make myself stronger? How do I realize when it's head hunger, real hunger or habit hunger? I chew really good and it seems that everything goes down just fine...Am I just not restricted enough? Oh, update on Hot Greg...He now knows that I am interested...I was being bad text messaging back and forth earlier... I told him that I left HR Manager Stacy at work for a week. He told me I was allowed. He's SO HOT!!!! I know this is terrible to say, but it's my view point. The way that he dresses and just the way he presents himself he is a perfectionist, I am NOT, I feel it's more important to have fun and enjoy life than to keep an immaculate house. I don't think that I'm good enough for HG...Besides, he's talking about moving away. :thumbdown: Oh well, if it's meant to be it will be. That's it for me tonight.

September 9, 2009

3

He's just not that into you

So, as you know I went to the phyc the other day and she told me to keep a stress log in addition, she suggested a really good book that is actually now a movie called "He's just not that into you". Two chapters in; it's been one of the most informative books that I think I've ever read...There are some really great male insights to think about while reading. I must admit it has triggered my..."ah ha!" I've been hanging out with A holes all along! I've decided that there are some people in my life that I just need to walk away from. I hate losing people that I have shared time with, but for my own mental health and my own physical health I think it best. So, PEACE OUT to those men that want to date me without dating me, the relationship without the relationship kind of guys can now...K M A... I strongly suggest that if you're a single girl trying to date that you get this book! I started tanning at the gym, I'm the whitest white girl you've ever seen, well I used to be that is...Now I'm the reddest lobster girl you've ever seen. How can a person burn so bad after just seven minutes in a tanning bed? I had been doing the stand up bed for seven and hadn't had a problem. Yesterday I was feeling lazy and did the lay down bed and FRIED!! I just want a tan, I don't want to be a chicken fried Stacy! How does this happen?:smile2: I am so going to try to get to a size ten before January 23rd, that's the day of our work holiday party and I want to look HOT! I'm a 14 now, if I'm going to make a ten I'm going to have to hit the gym even harder than I have been. I can do it though, I have faith in myself. It's all in the numbers calories in have to be less than the calories out. That's it for me...Have a fun weekend in band land.:huh2:

November 8, 2009

1

Haven't posted for a while

Well, it's been a while since I've posted. Mainly because I have been so frustrated and down about my band...For three months my scale did not move, despite repeated adjustments and hours of exercise everyday. I'm happy to report thanks to my last adjustment a week ago, I have finally had a change in the number on the scale. I kicked the darned thing out of my bathroom and refused to look at it for a week. Low and behold this morning the number shocked me so much I had to take a picture! WHOOP WHOOP!!! :tt1::thumbup: I am now 18 pounds from a goal that I had twenty one years ago. My sister had promised me that if I got down to under 200 pounds that she would buy me a new outfit. Fortunately, she's still willing to do that...can you say "SHOPPING TRIP"!!!!!!!:closedeyes::drool::thumbdown: Loving the shopping! It's so nice being able to go into a store, pick out the size and know that it's going to fit or that it's going to be a little big..Yup, I said it "BIG" hehe!! Anyway, to all of those who may read this and feeling discouraged by your band, don't give up, just keep going back and getting fills and talking to your fill nurse, it helps. Good luck to all! I'd love to hear from you!

March 5, 2010

6

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Eat healthy and stop when you're comfortable~! I have to practice that bit of advice myself.

November 26, 2009

1

Grrr, Stupid people piss me off!!

I was talking to a friend of mine tonight and he says "You're going to the gym pretty much every day?" I said yes, he says "So, the dedication was there before the surgery...so you really could have done this without the surgery?"....GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR If I could have maintained the results I've had the last one million attempts...do ya think I would have had the surgery??? Hello!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I'm frustrated as heck!! I just didn't even say anything to him, I just kept quite! Grrrrrrr, I hate stupid people~! Sorry just made me M A D!!!!!!!!!

August 30, 2009

3

Great day at work

It was good to be back to work today, I was busy but it was fun. I love my job! Food was much easier because I was working. It's my down time that I have a problem munching. I have an incredibly busy week planned for after work this week so I shouldn't have too much trouble sticking to the plan. I have my third fill on Thursday. I'm pretty excited about it, I'm hoping that it is the fill that gets me to the sweet spot! I have the dietitian appointment that day as well. I have a ton of questions for her. I really need to learn how to plan my meals out so that I don't have to think about what I want and so I don't grab just what's convenient. I try to make good choices most of the time but there have been times that if I had a plan in place I wouldn't have made the same choices. I'm hoping she can help with that. I changed my hair color while I was on vacation and got tons of compliments today. I'll have to post a pic sometime soon. . . Still hiding from the camera. LOL one day, I won't hide. Hope everyone had a great Monday!

September 14, 2009

2

Food

How is it that you can be hungry without being hungry? Head hunger..SUCKS! The dietitian says between 300 to 400 calories a day is what I'm supposed to be eating. I'm eating around that many ...I wonder though...What does eating this few calories do to the metabolism? I worry about my metabolism shutting down and going into starvation mode. I have been exercising at least an hour a day and eating somewhere between 300 to 500 calories a day and I have stopped losing...HOW??? what the heck???? I mean I've lost 10 inches total but come on ...Move scale!!! I know I'm burning more than I'm taking in. Ok, enough ranting about that... My friend Dalena is moving in this weekend. I'm a little nervous. I haven't lived with anyone in over a year...It'll take some getting used to...Oh well it will be nice to have help with the mortgage. Hot Greg was working today, it was pretty cool he was stressing trying to find the mistake on a cash drawer and I walked by and could tell he was stressing...I asked him if he needed help and he said "Sure". I found the mistake the accounting dept had made in a matter of about 30 seconds and he was Sooo, impressed...I shrugged my shoulders and said...12 years of accounting...and smiled at him...He's YUMMY!!! April thinks that I should just ask him out...I just don't have the nerve enough to do that just yet...in a few months, when I hit my first goal then heck yeah~!~ I'm hoping he will ask me out before then. So I was trying to keep the surgery kindof quite at work, I was just telling people that I had hiatal hernia which I did...anyway, everybody knows now ...apparently people think it's their business to know my business. Joe comes up to me and says "so, I heard you had the lap band done?" I thought that was for the morbidly obesed? I just looked at him and said..."that would be me". He said "I wouldn't have ever guessed you to be that over weight"...I thought to myself...Sweet, I don't look as big as I feel...He then goes on to tell me how he's 30 pounds overweight and he's just going to have to do it the "Hard way" HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOO Did he just say this was THE EASY WAY?????...Captain obvious needs a reality check...let's see, 10 days liquid pre op, two weeks of full liquids and now who knows how long on 5 TABLESPOONS three times a day... all the while the freaking band is not doing anything but sitting there...Oh and not to mention an hour in the gym doing cardio, sweating my ass off!....YUP definitely, the "easy" way! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! This is the reason I was not telling people! I did give him the reality check and had to give my sister the reality check as well...She said "Well, then why did you need the band if you're doing all the work?" I said "to keep it off!" GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I think she's going to be the jealous type. She has always been smaller than me and now I'm probably a little smaller than her and will be a lot smaller by the time I'm done. Ok, so I'm just gripping, I'm going to turn this off for the night. Maybe, I'll go hop on my eliptical trainer and do this the easy way....

August 8, 2009

2

First fill...post op appointments

I went for my first fill today, easy nothin to it! Just had to lay there he stuck a needle in to numb it and then the fill needle, didn't hardly feel it at all. I am losing an average of 2.6 pounds a week according to the dietitian, I'm ok with that. I'm glad that I can start weight lifting now. I'm ready to hit the gym on something besides cardio. I'm glad to be on real food!!!! FINALLY~!~ on to other things.... I cooked dinner for HOT Greg and my mom and roommate last night. That was FUN. HG needed a place to store his 68 vet and my mom has four garages and she offered to let him use one of hers for a little while. So, since he was going over there anyway...I offered to cook. It was fun! He acted surprised that I knew how to cook, I wanted to say "HELLO, I'm a fat chick, of course I know how to cook!...I didn't though. I kept it pretty simple and ate just a small amount. We talked a lot last night which was fun for me. He's so HOT he makes me nervous. At least it's a step! He's going to go out with a group of us on Saturday night, now I have to find some clothes that fit so I can show off the 30 pounds I've lost!!!!! FUN TIMES AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

August 20, 2009

2

First day back to work and an NSV!!!!

Today was my first day back after having surgery on 7/22/09. I am a wage continued employee which means that I continue to receive my full salary whether or not I'm there, so I took ten days to recoup. Since that's what my doctor told me would be a good amount of time considering the type of work that I do. I'm glad I listened I'm BEAT!! I had every intention of going to the gym today after work, but there is just no way. I'll go for my two mile walk after it cools down a bit. Work was good now time for the NSV!! Hot Greg NOTICED I had lost weight and told me that I was looking good!!! Yea!!!!! Me!!! :cursing::thumbup::cursing::thumbup::cursing::thumbup::cursing: and I was able to completely slip my size 16 work pants down over my hips without undoing the buttons or zipper...time to go SHOPPING!!! I have a feeling it's going to be my new addiction...shopping! That's all the energy I have for the moment. I'm going to take a much needed nap!

August 3, 2009

6

Finally restriction

I went for my second fill today, I felt fine drinking the little bit of water that she gave me. I stopped and bought a bottle of water on the way home and drank a little bit, by the time I made it back to work, 40 minutes later (long drive) I felt ROUGH ROUGH ROUGH!! After about three hours I started feeling better and attempted to eat some white chili, after about four spoonfuls I was full!!!! YAY!!!! FINALLY!!! That feeling of fullness lasted well over four hours and a five mile bike ride. Went for dinner at a chinese restaurant and ate one crab rangoon and the broth of my egg drop soup and was full again. AMAZING, this is what I've been waiting for! I have to admit the prospect of getting stuck more easily makes me a little nervous, I know there have been times in the past when I have not chewed well enough. This fill, I'm going to have to be careful and chew chew chew. I'm still a member of the clean your plate club, I need to break that habit. I'm hoping with this fill, it will help me control that by that last bit syndrome where I'll really feel it if I over eat. Not much else to report tonight, I'm tired and heading to bed. With a special prayer of thanksgiving for finally feeling some restriction.

September 4, 2009

3

Feeling

I'm feeling pretty good today, I'm tired but it's hard to find a really comfortable sleeping position. So, I just don't sleep. I figured out last night that if I mix a little cereal and protein powder in my yogart that I don't get hungry as fast. It's not the best taste, but at this point it's not as much about taste as it is about nutrition. I'm feeling pretty accomplished. I have all of the bows made for mother Beth's wedding and all of the table decor along with one boot just waiting on approval to make the rest. Need to get a list of people so I can mark them as I make them. ... HOW do I get myself into these things...Oh well it's fun and it's turning out beautifully. I will be so glad when softball is over so I don't have to see Larry B anymore. I wish that he could be like all of my other ex's and just not have to have any contact with him. But, NO I was stupid and started an office relationship...STUPID...I can avoid him pretty good but he always makes up reasons to come by or email or some something that I have to answer or acknowledge him. GRRRR, it's frustrating. Moving on... My band and I are getting along pretty good. I stress ate some cheese Saturday night and now I'm stressing about whether or not I have slipped or damaged my band. I won't be doing that again for sure. I need to drink more it's just that I can't drink a lot at a time and then I forget to pick it up and drink. It's hard not to drink with meals as I've done that all of my life to help me fill up. I've done pretty good with it. I am sure it will get harder once I am on solid food. I'm proud that I have lost twenty pounds since this journey began. I hope to lose another ten this week if I'm lucky. I'm trying really hard to follow the nuts guidelines and only eating three times a day. I have figured out what full feels like. It's kind of painful. It's going to take a while to figure out the signal to stop before the painful point. Hard to believe that point can be before I've consummed 1/2 cup of food. I used to eat LOTS more than that. I've discovered I like blogging it's rather refreshing to get all of my thoughts out of my head. I wish I could exercise I am ready to hit the gym. I think I'll go for a walk in a little bit. ...Maybe I'll do that now...ttyl

July 27, 2009

2

Eating with strangers

Tonight was the first of four nights of eating out with a group of people that I don't know very well. I'm helping set up a new store in Columbia and that requires hiring almost 500 people of the course of the next three days. Can you say STRESS!! There are a bunch of people from our corporate office along with the entire upper level of management from the new store and a couple of HR's from around the area, doing the interviewing. We will be working eleven hour days ending with dinner out every night at some really nice restaurants...of course corporates picking up the tab:thumbup: The problem is no one knows about my surgery and I really don't want to tell them, not that I'm ashamed of it or anything, just that it's my personal business and would prefer to keep it that way. I'm afraid that I'm not going to take the proper amount of time to eat and will end up eating too fast because I let myself get too hungry. I've had a couple of stuck episodes since my last fill, and I really don't want have it happen in front of a bunch of people that I don't know well. Oh well, I guess it's something that I'm going to have to get used to eventually anyway. Wish me luck

September 22, 2009

3

Eating frustration

I have no idea why I am so hungry...I don't think that I am physically hungry, I think it's in my head. I've made terrible food choices and have eaten way more than I am supposed to. I'm not really sure why? I'm frustrated beyond belief...GRRRRRRRRRR:cursing:

November 22, 2009

4

CHEW~!~...and the next NSV

I got my first fill yesterday and I can tell the difference today. It took me 40 minutes to eat about 2 oz of meat and a tablespoon of green beans. I started out eating a little too fast and FELT IT!! OUCH! So, I've learned that I MUST chew chew chew!!! The restriction has officially begun! It makes me a little nervous to eat now, I'm sure that I will get used to it. I have to say it's amazing to me to take a piece of meat that before the band would have been two bites, and turn it into a complete portion and still not be able to eat it all. CRAZY!! I'm loving it though. I worked out hard today, it felt good. An hour of cardio, then 30 minutes of weight lifting then a two mile bike ride. I feel energized! I've officially RETIRED my size 16's!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited; and to be honest my 14's aren't going to be around long, they are already a little big. Way cool. The weekend is here and should be a good time. I've got to go SHOPPING!! Need to find something to make HOT Greg notice me. So, I'm off...

August 22, 2009

5

Bad mood

I'm in this funk of a bad mood today. I'm just cranky and I've made terrible food choices all day and have paid for it all day by being stuck most of the day. My tummy hurts because I'm stupid!!! I know better than to try and eat pasta and bread but that of course is the comfort food that I crave when I'm in this mood. I need something to get me out of this funk...These days don't happen often but man when they do...YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

October 1, 2009

5

Background about me and the people mentioned in my blogging.

To understand parts of my blog you should have a little background about me and the people in my life that you will see mentioned in my blog. About me... I'm 38, divorced and currently not in a real relationship. Relationships are a challenge for me, I just can't seem to figure them out. I am totally a people pleaser and give way to much of myself in relationships without expecting anything in return...You guessed it...the perfect setup to be used and taken for granted. Albeit by my own doing as I set the stage for such happenings. I'm working on fixing this character defect and trying to figure out a good balance which is why I am currently not in relationship..Another thing that makes relationships hard for me is the fact that I am very independent and self reliant and supported..I own my own house (my family and I physically built it ourselves) and make a decent living... I think that makes most men a little intimidated. PS to the guys out there who may read this...why wouldn't you want a woman who could take care of herself???....well enough on that subject. A little more about me...I have been trying to lose weight all of my life and I have made it a goal that if I was going to be fat at least I wasn't going to be weak so I have worked out a lot in the past yet, I am 100 pounds overweight. I'm a size 14-16 and wear and extra large shirt. I did this more for my health reasons than for looks...the looks thing that's icing on the cake...being able to get off my diabetes medicine and knowing I'm not damaging my body by not controlling the diabetes that's the important thing for me. Moving on... People in my life. Lets see. My mom, She's the reason I had the band put in. She's a walking medical book of her own. She has so many things wrong with her all because of being overweight and alcohol. She does not understand nutrition at all!!! She fell and broke her hip in July of 07 after my dad passed away in April from a broken hip, you can imagine how scared I was when I got that call. Three surgeries later she's finally able to walk and care for herself. My Sister Lisa, she and I were really close until she started working with me and couldn't separate work from home. Love my job but don't want to live it 24/7. She hates April because she blames her for taking me away from her. Totally not the case at all. My best friends April and Donna and Dalena. April, she's amazing. She has got to be one of the strongest people that I have ever met. She's under 30 and has lost two children. Serenity who was 20 days old and born with six major birth defects and Alex...My buddy...I miss him so much. Alex was four, he died September 10th, 2008 a day I will never forget because it was one of the hardest days of my life. To watch the life leave such an amazing little boy was heart wrenching. It makes me cry just to think about it. April has her days when it's really tough and the next six months I am sure are not going to be easy as we are coming up on the anniversary of his death and the Christmas holiday season. Most importantly I will be standing beside her and holding her close. Next is Donna. Donna she's complicated(She's my niece through marriage but also my best friend). She has the most amazing supportive attitude and helpful spirit. But, Donna like myself is morbidly obese. She's very frustrated about her weight and the fact that April and I are both losing weight and she feels lost. I try really hard to support her and have even set down and showed her the numbers of how many calories a day that she's putting in her body just by drinking soda(enough that by just stopping drinking soda would help her lose 12 pounds a month or at least not gain it). McDonalds or fast food of some type is a staple in her daily diet and it saddens me to watch her feeding that stuff to Payton my great niece who is 15 months old. I try to make suggestions such as order the apples instead of french fries. I think Donna wants to lose weight, but I don't think that she knows how to...Like so many of us. I see so many little changes that could make a big impact on her weight I just don't know how to approach the subject with her. I love her no matter how much she weighs or what she eats. I just feel a little guilty that I have this tool and I know that right now there is just no way that she could afford it with no insurance. Dalena...She's actually going to be moving in with me in a week. I'm a little nervous about that because she has a ten year old son and she doesn't drive. I live in the country and there is nothing within walking distance. I don't want to be a taxi service. We get along great I just worry that she will expect me to drive her around and that I will be the built in babysitter. Next the men in my life... Larry...I love him with all of my heart but know that he is a playa playa and totally the wrong man for me. I hired him two years ago. I could tell that he was into me because it was like he was making up reasons to come in just to "ask" me questions. I screwed up totally and fell into the game...I'm not a game player and had never been exposed to what would happen next. I dated Martin--Control freak--OTR truck driver...he broke up with me and I called my nephew who was working on the night crew to go and take all the pictures of Martin out of my office because I couldn't stand the thought of seeing them the next morning. Anyway...The next morning, Larry shows up in my office and makes the move...I ended up at his place that night and stupid me...yes, stupid stupid me slept with him!!!! DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB I would never do that again if I had it all to do over again. Anyway, this relationship without being in a relationship went on for a year and a half. I broke it off with him about two months ago because I knew that going into this lapband that I had to concentrate on me. T...Larry's best friend. He keeps asking me out, the only problems are one...He's Larry's best friend...Two He's Larry's best friend and Three he lives two hours away. Then there's Dave...He's awesome, we actually date, but he doesn't want a relationship either...GRRRRRR men they are so fickle. AM I JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO DATE? Lastly, Greg...HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT OH Did I mention he was HOT!!!!! He transferred in about four months ago. He and I just clicked, not sure why, normally I would probably never have talked to him because he is way HOT and I am Way bashful. I get the feeling that he likes me. The other night we were on the phone, I was booking a trip for him to Ireland. I asked him if he missed having me around this week and he said "No, because we're sleeping together...or at least that's the newest rumor" I laughed and said "Dang it! I missed it." We laughed ... Why is it that when I sit down with a guy at lunch the next thing I know it's going around that I'm sleeping with them?...not that I would mind at all with Greg but sheeeeshhhh come on people. The pets... Ruffaluf...Grey tiger stripped regal looking cat. He was born on my mom and dad's 47th wedding anniversary. Making him nine years old in September. Hotta hootta Houchy moooo...Other wise known as Hotta B or Obbitchywan...He's my baby. I had to bottle feed him because he was so little when we found him his eyes weren't even fully opened. He's been my baby ever since. Can you say SPOILED!!! He's a beautiful black tuxedo long haired cat that loves to snuggle in the morning. I love it when he pets my face to wake me up. Bear Bear...He's was an abused dog that Martin rescued that I got stuck with. He is a beautiful black lab. His name used to be Dr destructo but now he's starting to finally be a good dog except for when left outside alone he gets in the neighbors trash and drags it all over his yard...BAD BAD BAD DOG!!! That about wraps it up as to the important people in my life. Totally exciting huh????

July 29, 2009

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