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ADS= Anxiety dumping syndrome ;)

What am I doing here? Seriously? What!?!?   I have so much to do today and I can't stop thinking about WL surgery and what it will mean for me. I'm on here reading story after story trying to figure out which story will resemble mine when I go through it myself, and there isn't any way of knowing so why am I torturing myself?? A couple of days ago I was watching the Grey's Anatomy finale and it is pretty intense and bloody blech.. and that night I had a dream that I went into the hospital to get my surgery.   They checked me in at 11:AM and there were all of these "emergency lap band surgeries" that all went before me. It was a really long dream because I did a lot of mundane things like you actually do in real life. I got a soda from the cafeteria, I talked to some nurses in the hospital, I read a magazine, I talked to different people etc. Finally after what seemed like FOREVER they said it was my turn and by this time it was nine o' clock. They got my booties on and my cap, they had me lay down on this hard metal table and they squirted this weird foamy stuff in me ear that was suppose to make me fall asleep but instead I just went paralyzed and I couldn't tell them I was still awake. I started to scream in my head NO! I want the duodenal switch instead! Don't BAND me! I was able to wake up by then so I don't know what happened, of course :cool:.   It got me thinking more about the DS. I went to the OH board and read their site and saw how much success people have had and that they don't have the same restrictions that band people do. I also read that you have to be in the hospital for four days, YIKES! I really think that I would rather have the DS but I'm scared that I won't have the support of my family and that means a lot to me. It's such a hard choice. SO that brings me to the present. I'm hoping by dumping some of my anxiety onto my blog I will feel better and be able to function and get productive. I'm close but still so far away. What to do.. what to do?
Dreamjeans

Dreamjeans

3
 

I'm feeling a little "obsessyish"

I am officially obsessed! :ohmy: I've been reading stories on here and I want so badly to get my surgery approved!! I still have a long way to go. I need to lose 30 pounds and I'm down 9, which is good but I would like to see more, don't we all! I can't submit my papers until September 25th because that will be six months to the day I started my pre op weight loss diet required by my insurance. I've been reading stories on here about people who are scheduled in June and July and I can't help but to be so incredibly envious! I know this will be a process. I need to be ok with losing weight wether or not I get banded. I need to stop obsessing about the band itself and focus more on losing weight. THe more I lose now the more sucessful I will be!   I was originally scheduled for surgery feb 5th but backed out a week before. I just didn't have that great of feeling about the doctor and I was also self pay. I found out that if I try to jump through some hoops my insurance might pay for it so I have to exhaust that before I put it on plastic. I know I'm doing this the right way but it's so hard to be patient! I've been looking into this since january and it won't be until October if everything is approved. It just seems so far away! sigh   OH well... one step at a time. It's good for me to learn what it takes to do it right the first time. I so look forward to seeing the onderland again!
Dreamjeans

Dreamjeans

3
 

Going the right "weigh"

SO I am now down 15 pounds and am now half way, YAY! I messed around with trying to change my diets up. First low carb which is a Biotch to be on then tried this stupid lemonade diet cleanse that nearly made me go in my shorts! Cleanse, please. Right now I'm doing Weight Watchers. I go to the meetings and I el oh vee ee my leader, she is amazing. Sometimes in class they talk about the dangers of lapband and it makes me feel a little weak or stupid for that matter but then I realize that its my decision and if I think it will help then that is all that matters, right? I'm still not convinced that this surgery is right for me because I am worried about regaining the weight or just sucking down chocolate all day but I seem to be doing pretty darn good on WW so we will see. I have so much to lose. Thinking of losing only 1 to 2 pounds a week sounds so daunting. Ive seen people lose that much weight in six months but I guess they don't get to eat the same things I do. I'm acutally amazed at how many good quality foods I can eat now that I have cut out desserts. I think we can compromise a lot. OH, on another note I did find out that the doctors office will take my first weigh in and IF I had the thirty pounds off I could have submitted my information to the insurance on July 3rd. What do you think the chances are that I could lose five pounds a week for three weeks in a row? I'd say pretty low :tt1: At least if you do it the right way. :thumbup:
Dreamjeans

Dreamjeans

1
 

Is it possible to be randy for... Cheetos?

Sitting here on a nice quiet Saturday afternoon is nice. I'm listening to country music which I don't particularly like but my three year old son stole my husbands iPhone and is listening to his music library. He is all content so I can't tell him to turn it off because it's making mommies ears bleed :thumbup:   So I just realized that I have two weeks left until my six month diet is complete and I have only lost half the required weight. BOO! I'm trying not to be hard on myself but on the other hand I really think I need to step it up! There is a ginormous bag of Cheeto's to my left and they want to whisper sweet nothings into my mouth. Stay back you orange little devils! Why does food make me feel as excited as.. ahem, other things? Ok, it's not the same feeling I'm just being a freak but I do have a party in my head whenever I see chocolate brownies at a BBQ, or if I find out that funeral potatoes will be served at the church social that night. I wonder if anyone else has their heart skip a beat when the pizza arrives? LOL   On the brighter side, I planted an entire garden by MYSELF today with four kids. Pretty amazing if you ask me. The kids only screamed for an hour after I locked them in the closet... JK! It was pretty fun teaching them how to dig and water and not decapitate each other with the shovel and rake, good times. So in a six weeks or so we will have the following: cucumbers, zucchini green and yellow, bell peppers green, orange, and red, spinach, romaine lettuce, squash, cantaloupe, honeydew, watermelon, pumpkin, radishes, strawberries and tomatoes!   All in all today was a good day. Go me!
Dreamjeans

Dreamjeans

1
 

What was I going to blog about again?

Oh yeah! I am super excited/nervous about tomorrow. I decided to pursue looking into the Duodenal Switch and I have to meet with the other surgeon who might consider doing it. I'm pretty much off a lap band high right now. Don't get me wrong I still love those little helpers but I realized that with my insurance and the "once in a lifetime" payment I need to make sure that I think twice and cut once. I don't think that Dr C will do it to be honest. His staff didn't even have a billing code for it. I'm really worried that the RNY will help me in the beginning but then I will gain it back. I've heard some good things about the VSG's so is he shoots my DS down then I will try to talk him into the sleeve. I'm so ready for this surgery now. I still have two more months of my pre pre op diet and need to make sure I hit 30 pounds lost.   On another note I still enjoy going to WW meetings. They have helped me stay on track and have good health habits. I won't ever ever tell them I got the surgery though, I'm afraid they might attack me. You know how those diet cults are But seriously I so looking forward to being a leader. That would be my dream job. It would be really hard to compete with J-Ball though... she is one tough cookie!   This weeks focus group challenge was to stay off the scale. It's A LOT harder than it sounds. Especially for me struggling to make it to the 20lb mark. I did weigh but didn't look down at the scale, made my hubby do it because I want to compare my weight post camping trip to my weight on Wednesday.   I'm worried that I have a ton of bloating from my period trying to come back after having a baby. Its only been seven months but I feel out of whack for sure. Not to mention that I gained six and a half pounds last week! I wanted to sit on the WW receptionist until she gave me better news. Oh well... one day at a time, right? I wonder, do diuretics really work?
Dreamjeans

Dreamjeans

1
 

Sometimes a peice of pizza is just a peice of pizza!

So last night my neighbor talked me into going for a walk with her at the butt crack of dawn. I got up at 5:45 and rolled out of bed put on my clothes and slumped outside. It had just rained so it smelled like cedar and fresh air and it was really invigorating. Initially my neighbor wanted to go walking with "the group" but apparently they walked too fast for her and asked me, Miss 100lbs over weight to join her and I agreed. OH MY GOSH! Suuuuure she walked slow. I've even been working out the last month or so and I had a hard time keeping up with her. She wanted to go again tomorrow but I told her I had to work on the garden, which is true but I need at least a day to recover. I'm seriously thinking about putting a suite in my hall closet and anytime I go walking with a skinny person they have to wear it.   OH! and then half way through she turned to me and was surprised to see me hot and sweating like a rotisserie chicken rotating in the window of a deli.. it was bad. By the time I got home I had blisters on my feet. Thats what I get for wearing my cute socks with the texture on the inside.   Anyway, by lunch today I was starving there was pizza at my friends house. There was only one peice left and I sat there trying to analyze why I wanted pizza so bad and just decided that sometimes its ok it eat pizza and that over analyzing things can be just as harmful as not paying attention to what you are eating. I enjoyed ONE pizza. I have to admit that I did dip it in ranch... ok, fine I just about bathed one bite of pizza in a cup of ranch to get the taste but that was all I would allow myself to have. I'm pretty proud of myself, I mean usually I would eat anywhere from two to four pizza all dipped in ranch.   I'm not exactly sure how that is going to fit in with the band or if I would PB it. It's so hard to prepare for what the band will do to change your life since it's different for everyone but you can't blame me for trying hard to be prepared. :rolleyes2:
Dreamjeans

Dreamjeans

1
 

Lets hear it for the "foggles!"

Things I learned at the gym swimming today-     (To my old personal trainer at 24 hour fitness, Cheryl)   I miss my personal trainer Cheryl. I love you Cheryl! I wish I could afford to see you twice a week. I am afraid that if you found out I am having WLS you would be disappointed in me. I value your opinion and you did so much for me but alas, you are a size 2 and will never know the life of a morbidly obese person.   (To the guy with an eagle tattoo on his chest)   Just because you speak a different language that I can't understand doesn't mean I don't understand that you are making fun of me. I mean come on, lets be a little creative shall we?   (To the skinny guy who was standing by the side of the pool like, forever)   I like wearing my goggles out of the pool. Yes, I look funny but guess what!? They fog up and I can't see you and it makes me feel safer that way. Lets hear it for the "foggles!"   (To the good looking sandy blond guy)   Some men like to stare. It's a no brainer dude.. I am fat. Get over it. I have a big bum, my legs are dimply and I have a gnarly varicose vein that I wish would go away but you act like you want to get a closer look. Sure, come on over and while your at at lets give it a name, eh? How about "Veinus- a.k.a Venus, the Roman Goddess of love, or the second planet in our solar system. Take your pick, buddy.   (To the chic with long black curly hair)   I think that everyone should use the changing rooms to change in. It makes me weird out to see women strip down buck naked and walk around like its no big deal. I would have liked to compliment your hair but I was trying not to look up. Seriously... get. yourself. a. room.     (To my kids)   I enjoy showering at the gym because I don't have little kids pounding on the door or stuffing their fingers underneath to see if they can reach me. I take time to do a good job shaving and if I'm in an especially great mood I will go past the knee which doesn't happen very often cause mama don' wear no shorts!   (To the muscley guy who was running for an hour straight)   I wonder if I am the only one that gets toots from exercising? I swear I go all day feeling just great and the second I start walking fast, well... hell, I feel sorry for those that are unfortunate enough to be behind me. I blame it on my dear friend Fiber.   (To the guy a few inches shorter than me with the red swim trunks)   Just because I can't wear my wedding ring yet doesn't mean I am single. I don't need your attention, and no, I will not be going home with you tonight. Clearly you are into big girls... why else would you ramble on about nothing in a steam room and then ask me over when I have said zero back to you. Gross.   (To my BFF and DH)   I don't need my best friend or my husband to come with me to the gym anymore. I can go all by myself like a big girl. Their success or failures have nothing to do with me and visa versa.   (Lastly, to myself)   I can't wait to do an exercise class! I feel so out of shape right now and I know that I would only be able to keep up with 1/3 of the class. When I can do at least a half of the class then I will be there with bells on!
Dreamjeans

Dreamjeans

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