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Almost 2 years and I am struggling

I started on this journey almost 2 years ago. I am very disappointed in myself i have not lost all the weight i know i should have lost. Mainly because of bad eating habits and secondly because i became so caught up in my career that i didn't make time to get my fills or stay on track. Now i am trying to get back on track and don't know where to start. Most recently I had the amount of fluid in my band lessened as I was suffering from acid reflux and the shape of my stomach was changing. Which i know was from me overeating and making bad food choices. As a result I gained 12 pounds. I feel like I am right where i started when i began this journey.   For some reason, for every emotion I feel i eat. I'm happy, sad, depressed or angry I eat. Food is like a comforter to me, it makes me feel better and comforts me.
Dark_Lovely

Dark_Lovely

2
 

Finally banded 5.21

Today is my first day after being banded. I have a lot of soreness especially around the port site. I felt better yesturday after the procedure than i do today, Everything happened so quickly. I checked in at the front then they took me to the back for preparation, rolled me in to the OR, banded me in about 35-45 mins and the next thing you know i was in the recovery room. I felt pressure and gas until i got up and walked around. I had some apple juice did a couple of test and left, I felt so good yesturday that i stopped and picked up a vanilla latte!   After the anesthesia wears off you feel the soreness and tenderness from where the port is. The other incisions don't bother me nearly as much. i have ice packs to that incision and i just took another dose of pain meds. This is the first time i have ever had surgery and it wasn't bad that all. You just have to make sure to walk and keep your pain meds close to you! I haven't craved food that all if anything i have been extremely thristy. Apple juice and popsicles have been my best friends:closedeyes:
Dark_Lovely

Dark_Lovely

2
 

Finally Here

Yes. That's right! Tomorrow is my big day but i'm not feeling so big about it. If anything this doesn't feel real. i can't believe i'm actually doing it. I am so nervous and anxious.:smile2:
Dark_Lovely

Dark_Lovely

3
 

6 Whole Days

I can't believe it i am 6 days away from being banded. I'm not nervous right now i think as the days get closer and the reality starts to sit in i will get a little more nervous. For the most part i am excited and ready for this new journey. The liquid diet has become somewhat easier. it is just hard to drink a chalky shake when everyone around you is eating real food but ultimately i'm thinking about how much better i am going to feel. Right now my feet and ankles are retaining water and we won't even start on the back pain from carrying the weight. I'm just ready to get the weight off so ican feel better.
Dark_Lovely

Dark_Lovely

3
 

Pre-Op Seminar

10 more days and counting. So i attended a pre-op seminar today and the nurse went over what to expect what to eat and what not to eat. i didn't realize there were 2 different makers of the lap band. it was nice to get the information about the expectations and how the procedure goes. This is the first surgery i have ever had and lets just say that i am not fondof needles. thank God they have some numbing gel!
Dark_Lovely

Dark_Lovely

1
 

To Hell with the pre-op liquid diet

Of all things my Dr. decided to put me on a liquid Optifast diet for 2 weeks. I can only consume 800 calories a day which must be all liquids. i can have an Optifast shake, suger-free jello, water, flavored water, calorie-free non carbonated drinks.   Now if i could actually stick to this diet then i wouldn't need to be banded. had to remind the dr. that the reason i was getting banded was because i had an eating problem that i can not control. So what in the hell made him think i would faithfully do a liquid diet for 2 weeks?   Sure i am a self-pay patient and that should be incentive enough. but it isn't. i did good the 1-3 days but i broke all the way down today for mother's day. i had grilled chicken, double baked potateo and corn. I ate a smaller portion as my stomach has shrink. but that food felt so good going down. I almost felt like hiding some of the food for later, i feel like i am never going to eat again!   I promised myself i would get back on track tomorrow and pull myself together. It is much easier to stick to the diet when i am at work but when the weekends come all hell breaks loose and i eat everything in site.:biggrin:
Dark_Lovely

Dark_Lovely

4
 

Why I Hate Pictures

It wasn't until i looked at some pictures i took the other day that i realized how much weight i had gained. I mean the scale has been reading 248 for awhile but in my mind i didn't feel like i looked like i weighed that much until i saw the pictures. untouched photos do not lie. :biggrin:
Dark_Lovely

Dark_Lovely

2
 

It is 2am!

I started my liquid diet today. Let's just say it is 2am and i am sitting here on my computer. i am a little anxious. I went out to dinner last night for my last good meal and to say good bye to my old eating habits. I realized last night that i bite into my food chew it maybe 3-4 times and than swallow and follow up with another spoonful of food. I seriously over eat and am a fast eater i never slow down to enjoy my food. The lap-band is going to force me to slow my role as my Dr. has informed me that if i try to over eat or eat too fast i will be throwing up. but yet i am looking forward to this/ LOL. For now i'll make the best of the Optifast shakes. :thumbup:
Dark_Lovely

Dark_Lovely

3
 

Family Support

I truly believe that I wouldn’t be able to go through this process with out the support and financial backing of my mother and boyfriend. As I have mentioned in previous blogs I have struggled with my weight since adolescents, basically when I started puberty. I have always carried my weight well. People would never guess that I am carrying 248 lbs on a 5’7 medium –large built frame. My boyfriend is some what of a gym guru who loves to work out and to be in shape. I am blessed that he has never made me feel uncomfortable or complained about my weight. He is looking forward to a healthier me and is even doing the liquid diet with me. I haven’t told my immediate family (besides mom), co-workers or friends that I was having the procedure done. I want to only be surrounded by people who truly support me and are offering their unconditional love and understanding. All others will just have to be curious and keep on guessing! :thumbup:
Dark_Lovely

Dark_Lovely

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Just Hungry

2 more days before i start my liquid diet which i am not looking forward to. i get to drink optifast for 14 days and the stuff don't even look like it taste good. I'm trying to eat at much stuff that i actually like before this liquid stuff kicks in!:thumbup:
Dark_Lovely

Dark_Lovely

3
 

Mad at myself

16 more days until I get banded! I am excited but yet nervous and mad at myself. I have control of every other thing in my life but have never managed to get my weight under control. I can’t believe that within the last 7 years I have allowed myself to become inactive and complacent to the point that I have gained all of this weight. When I was ready to start my career I made a plan and followed it until I had the career I wanted. When I decided I wanted to buy a house I picked up a second job to save extra money and six months later I was a home owner. Yet and still like millions of others I have battled with my weight. I have tried every diet out there from RX medicine phen-fen to over the counter diet pills/drugs. Sure I lose the weight, look good for 3-6 months and then I gain it all back plus more then I originally started off with. In 16 more days I will be shelling out over $10,000 because I have lost control and lack the discipline to get my weight under control. Having the lap-band procedure is especially important to me because my mother who suffered from hypertension due to obesity now has End Stage Renal Disease (kidney failure). I am determined to win my battle with weight and become the healthy active person I am meant to be.
Dark_Lovely

Dark_Lovely

4
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