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About this blog

:thumbup:I will have my band placed on my stomach on May 8th, 2009. I will view this band like I do my wedding rings. It is my commitment to losing the excess weight and living the rest of my life in ONEderland. It is amusing I am getting this sur

Entries in this blog

 

And so I begin..........

I sit here at 120 pounds past my goal weight waiting. My surgery is less than two weeks away and I am excited and terrified all at once.   The dreams have started and they are crazy stupid dreams.   The first one I had was about my surgery. I sat on the table in my gown waiting for the doctor. It was an all glass room, people on the floor of the office building could see in. I hated the idea of being naked and not in control of what they would do to me. Kinda freaked me out.   I sat up and the nurse made me eat bloody possum! I have no idea why that came into my dream. I did as told, but ran out of the room to find a pen ( go figure). As I was running I went into a large room where the doors slammed automatically. I tried to get out but they wouldn't open. I saw this as my fear the surgery would not happen b/c of a fatty liver or adhesions from my Hysterectomy!!!   Anyway I finally got out when someone else came in looking for the water fountain. When I got back in to the surgery suite my mom was there with the staff and doctor. They weren't happy I was missing, but decided I could have the surgery anyway.   I was so happy to see Dr. McDreamy was the one who would do my surgery ( From Grey's Anatomy). Just as they were ready to start, my mom pops her head up and says she is going to be the one who will do the first cut........I scream and wake up:-)   From what I understand this is common to have nightmares and will continue until I have the band in place.
bkmom30

bkmom30

4
 

This is why I have to change........

I decided to use up some gift certificates this weekend. It was a bad bad weekend dealing with teens ( not mine, but need I say more).   I ate Japanese and BBq. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO swollen and in pain. My feet don't even look like they belong on the end of my feet. I hate the feeling and the fact people can see my deformed feet.   Salt isn't my friend. Drinking isn't worth it, and frankly I need/want the change.   Just being grumpy. I am jazzed about the surgery on Friday!   ME
bkmom30

bkmom30

3
 

OK I am starting to FREAK!

In less than 24 hours I will be banded. I know I wanted this, I know I need this, I know I will look wicked awesome............but I'm scared.   I just had my last breakfast that was allowed, I opted for a protein shake as I don't want to get my chewing on today. So from here on out it is liquids for the next 14 hours then zip. I get a shot of water to take my meds tomorrow morning and then night night.   I had to ask the doctor to place the port on my left side. It is kind freaking me out b/c he said he always put it on the right. I self doubt myself b/c what if he messed up and doesn't sew it in right, what if what if what if. I told him I could deal with having it near my pulled rib area, but he said it is fine.   THEN to add to my stress he asked what band I wanted. He does the realize or lapband. I don't know which one to go with. I asked two people I highly respect in the band field.......they each suggested a different band.   So here I go giving faith to my doctor to choose. He is going with the Lapband, but I so wonder if the support you get from the realize is better argh!   I will research it today, but odds are just go with what he wants.:thumbup:   I also have to decide it I am going to stay in the hospital or go home after a few hours. I don't make decisions well at all. So will just wait to see tomorrow.
bkmom30

bkmom30

3
 

Exercise

I went to the Y today for a work out. I am so stress over some non band related personal issues, I thought it would help. I got to the elipitical and started my workout. There were not too many people around, so I felt ok. Almost as soon as I stated my slow workout, someone came up beside me. He jumped in and zwoosh he was running full tilt on his machine next to me.   Now I support his workout, but it make me seem like a slug to a rabbit LOL. I did step up a bit, but got a cramp and thought I was being STUPID. Someone was walking off a cramp and I could feel them looking at me ech time he passed me. My mind went to the old me "wow she is big, look how slow............you get the idea" . I couldn't do the positive self talk thinking they are saying "good for her exercising, her heart will thank her etc"......   So I cranked up my music and started thinking of my new life ignoring them all. I am 99.9% done with the stuff in my neighborhood and will soon be stressfree. I can not WAIT whew.   I thought of my new friends for the remainder of the 30 minutes. In 2 months I have learned so much about my band and made some new friends. It is cool because they didn't know who I was before the band so much. Sure they know some, but for the most part they are getting to know the real me. The future me and going through the same journey.   They are people who will know the hell you go through when you get the slimming or how much it hurts when you get a fill ( I hate needles). My life is enriched with the new friends I have made and will make in the journey.   Tomorrow I will go back and do some weights. I am excited as I haven't done weights in a year. It is always amazing how strong you feel after you are done. Even if I don't lift much, it is a positive step for me.   I can't WAIT to start seeing some positive results!
bkmom30

bkmom30

2
 

nerves!

YIKES I am nervous. I have waited so long for this surgery, and it is only 3 days away. Yet the dreams have kicked in again. This time about being in quick sand. I think it is more related to the article I read about bathtub beach......who knows.   The nerves give me a giddery feeling. Like all my muscles are edgy, strange. My tummy is the same, very odd day indeed. Tried to eat less to start shrinking the stomach. Did well, but I am hungry. I didn't need to do the liquids, I guess because of how my fat is on my belly who knows.   Tomorrow is a new day, lets hope it is better.
bkmom30

bkmom30

2
 

Second Chances

Everyone deserves a second/third/fourth+ chance to make the band successful. Having the surgery is not the cure everyone hopes it to be. I am certainly seeing the benefit to the band, I eat less, I cant ( usually) down a full meal when going out etc.   My worst enemy is liquids. When I am having a bad food day, I will go for smoothies and sometimes drink sweet tea:-( I realize that I need to change my ways again and go search deep inside to figure out what the block is.   It seems my block is resistance to change. I am afraid how I will react when I lose the weight. I have been overweight all my life, so thinking of being thin like everyone else, I worry how I will react.   What spurred this? quite possible the cruise weight that came on in November that I can't seem to lose. The stress of having my inlaws visiting for 5 weeks ( my FIL is slowly losing his memory) my son graduating, my daughter turning 16, issues with the hubby, friends losing marriages, heck losing friends.   I have started therapy to deal with all of this in a healthy way. I need to realize that what other people do ( mainly mistakes) do not define ME as a person. I have one the best I can and need to move past the self hate which means I go to my comforts ( food).   I am back in physical therapy and have rejoined the YMCA to get back in the water. High impact exercise causes too many issues at this weight, so I need to rething and recreate a plan just for me.   I am hopeful that some of you may be dealing with the same issues I am. I can help with the newly banded issues, but I am coming back to deal with the what now issues.   ME
bkmom30

bkmom30

2
 

Worried about telling people......

I don't want to tell people about my surgery, at least not yet. I seriously worry that I will take awhile to lose ( always been a slow loser unless it is water weight). So many WLS people lose faster b/c they had the RNY. I just don't want people waiting like cats under my fish tank:-)   I know it will come off. I know I will look amazing, I know but I don't know. Hope someone can relate.   Today I am off to try and have tea with a friend. I realize so much of my life is surrounded by food, eating out with friends, celebrating everything with food, feeding my kids, loving to cook.   Non of this will change, but I will control it. I just have to learn to cook the banded way:) and go for soup instead of a meal. Family parties.......putt putt golf;-)
bkmom30

bkmom30

2
 

UNJURY Chocolate Jell-O Pudding Pops

:thumbup:UNJURY Chocolate Jell-O Pudding Pops Use Instant Sugar-Free Chocolate Jell-O Pudding1 , 1 oz box, makes 6 popsicles Use Jell-O Sugar Free Instant Pudding (Not Cooked), 4-serving package Measure 2 cups of cold skim milk following package directions. Add two scoops of Unflavored UNJURY to the two cups of cold milk. Thoroughly mix the UNJURY powder with the milk by shaking or stirring. Put the Jell-O Sugar Free Instant (Not Cooked) Dry Pudding Mix into a bowl. Add the UNJURY and milk mixture to the dry pudding mix. Stir for 2 minutes. Pour into 6 small paper cups (3 oz pudding per cup). Place popsicle stick in center of each cup.2 Put cups in freezer for 4 hours. Once popsicles have frozen, peel away the paper cup and enjoy! Nutrition Facts per 3 oz popsicle (makes 6): 10 grams protein, 9 grams carbohydrate, 4 grams sugar, 77 calories
bkmom30

bkmom30

1
 

daily mutterings

I have made it through some of the rough and toxic things in my life this week. I ended my job working reservations for my neighborhood. That was huge for me. I always saw this as my way of not making a hole for myself in my house and not going out or meeting people. I had quit the social committee and board of directors earlier in the year. All that is left is the website and that is easy.   I went to another meeting for WLS surgery. I still feel this is the best thing for me. I was worried, but know I have to for my life. My surgery is in 7 days and I am very blessed to have this chance in life.   So I feel I am as ready for this change as I can make. I am back at the YMCA, have done 2 workouts, took today off since I have a huge blister. Will buy new shoes tomorrow so this won't keep happening.
bkmom30

bkmom30

1
 

All About The Contol

I really think most of my issues are about control. Why I can't see limiting the food and exercising as my control is unclear at this time.
bkmom30

bkmom30

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