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A while...

It's been a while since I've blogged. Things have been slow in the weight loss dept but otherwise life is good. We're almost finished with the purchase our first home! Hopefully moving in a few weeks.   I think I'm in a funk right now, I'm having trouble sticking to my pre-op diet and now I'm getting discouraged. Not to the point of quitting, but I'm not as dilligent as I once was. I've increased my exercise but I'm not eating as well as I was six months ago.   It's times like these where I get really annoyed with my surgeon. I know he gave me my pre-op goal weight for a reason, and I'll have a better result after surgery. I just don't know how to get back on track and lose these last 40 lbs before my surgery. I'm also finding myself getting a little jealous of other people who don't have to lose so much before they get surgery scheduled. Some days that inspires me to work harder, but other days I get so discouraged. (I think this may be one of the latter...)   I don't really know where I was going with this, I think I just needed to get it out. Whew.
singand_dance

singand_dance

1
 

I'm a quitter

I quit school. Well, technically I've interrupted my enrollment/taken a leave of absence with an unknown return date. I feel really good about my decision. I think what cinched the deal for me was understanding that it doesn't mater if it takes me 10 years to get my degree but it can't take 10 years to lose the weight. I have to lose the weight. I still have about 30 lbs to lose before I get a surgery date, I've been stuck for over a month now. I'm really trying to get back on track.   I think the weather change is making things difficult, I get so tired in the evenings before I even get to the gym. I have to force myself to do it, too much time off has made it too easy to slack off. But tomorrow is a new day.
singand_dance

singand_dance

3
 

Stressin

I don't think I realized how time consuming all this weight loss stuff is. Maybe I'm trying to do too much, or maybe I'm a wimp. Perhaps both. I work full time and I do enjoy my job. I also go to school 1/2 time, I take classes one night a week for 9 week sessions. We're shopping for a house and hoping to buy soon. All of these things are great, but they're wearing me out. I try to prioritize. Work is always #1, I have to go to work because that's where the money comes from. #2, the house? or school? This is where things get iffy. I have one week left of school and only a few weeks to buy a house before the tax credit disappears. So which is most important? It really should be school since I pay so much for it. So school is #2, house is #3. That means exercise is #4. Somehow I can't justify going to the gym for an hour each night while I have a 10 page paper to write in 1 week. But I can somehow justify wasting time on facebook and lapbandtalk. What is that?   I've been debating taking a session off school. The problem is my financial aid, I have to take a certain number of units. I want my degree, I just want to be done with school more. Sometimes I feel like my weight loss efforts need to be my top priority. I feel like this is my last chance to really lose the weight, like, I can get my degree any time but I must give the weight loss a real try. Does that make sense? I'm conflicted, to say the least. I guess I'm overwhelmed and I don't know what to do about it besides continue to stick it out.   I'm disappointed by my lack of enthusiasm for school. I already took a few years off and have only just gone back. I've never been a bad student, I've always made good grades by just showing up and taking my tests. Now I have these large papers in every class, they require research (and I put that off way too long) and then I'm stressin like crazy. I wish I could just know what to do. And how to squeeze all those hours in each day. Anyone know how to freeze time?
singand_dance

singand_dance

5
 

The First 50

I've lost my first 50 lbs. I can't believe how much better it feels to have lost 50 lbs than it did at 49. I feel more committed to the choices I've made and I feel less like cheating. 50 is something. The greatest part, in my opinion, is that I still haven't had surgery. I just lost 50 lbs without surgery, I'll lose some more, then once I have the surgery I hope to lose at least 50 more.   When my doctor first told me to lose 80 lbs pre-op, I thought he was basically blowing me off. Now I think he has done me a huge favor. I feel like I could lose all this weight. A few months back, I would think "If I could just lose a little weight, I'd be happy". But now that I've actually found a plan that is working for me, I'm gonna work that plan right back! I've never lost more than 17 lbs in my life. Until Now!
singand_dance

singand_dance

6
 

Starting my journey

I'm starting my journey to a smaller, healthier me. I have my orientation at Kaiser Richmond tomorrow morning. I know what to expect there, I've been to the orientation with Dr. Machado of Mercy San Juan and the one for UC Davis. Now I have Kaiser and from what I can tell, it's going to be a really good fit. Just reading all the posts from the other ladies who went through Kaiser Richmond makes me feel a lot better. When I did the UC Davis orientation, the surgeons were very much against the lap band. I felt like I had to defend myself and convince the surgeon and he basically told me. "I will not do a lap band, but you can have gastric bypass". As frusterating as that was to hear, I'm ready to re-dedicate myself to the cause! I'm not telling anyone, just my boyfriend and my mom & dad. It's not that I'm ashamed, but I kinda am. I'm ashamed that I've let my weight get so out of control. I'm ashamed that I can't do this on my own. But I'm ready to work hard and I feel like it's the best time to do it. People at work are all trying to be healthier, my family is trying to be healther and so are my friends. It's like all the pieces have to fall into place. The journey begins tommorrow.
singand_dance

singand_dance

4
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