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Psych Eval and my inner fears

Yesterday at 2 was my psych evaluation and mysterious test. The psych eval went well---the little lady was about a size 3 and had one eye that trailed off somewhere---I kept focusing focusing focusing on that left eye of hers. A little distracting, but she was a great person. I sat on the couch (sat not lounged) and she started her barrage of questions. What is your history of weight from age 5 until now? What roll did food play in your childhood? Were you ever anorexic or bulemic? Are you an emotional eater? Why do you think this will work when other things have failed? Do you have the support of your husband? Do you have the support of your extended family? Are there people you haven't told about this and why? Have you ever felt anxious or depressed? Are you a person of faith?   I went to great length to answer and answer and then I asked her some questions that I know are some personal fears of mine. I asked, "In the past ten years, I have lost ALOT of weight and have always gained it back. I know WLS is a TOOL not the SOLUTION, but I am scared that I will start to slip once I get to goal or 155 or something like that. How do I avoid that? She said the 2% of people who have lost the weight and kept it off (regardless of the method) have done so by 1)TRACKING everythign and 2)GOAL SETTING and 3)surround yourself with a village to help you. She said that I need to practice articulating my needs (emotionally) to my husband and to my friends. THAT WILL BE A HUGE SWITCH for me!! I am self-sufficient person of the year.   Also, she told me to learn the difference betweeen a LAPSE, RELAPSE and COLLAPSE. That I need to be conscious of those three stages and to understand that the first one WILL happen, the second one will happen if I let it and the third one is a choice that I am making.   She told me to get the book "The End of Overeating" by Kessler. I went to the library and they didn't have it but they had several other ones that I got--and they have been really inspiring to read so far.   So my personal goal for the next two weeks is to design a nutrition plan, build a vision board and to start working on articulating my needs.
JazzyMom17

JazzyMom17

6
 

Barium swallow

Ok, Barium Swallow done....and GROSSS!!!! I was unprepared for how disgusting that would be!!   I got to the Radiology appt WAY early. Living in DC Metro...the traffic is SO unpredictable. This morning wasn't so bad, so I got there at 7:12 and my appt was at 8:00. I found a Starbucks and got my drink for when I'm done with the B.S. I had to fast from midnight until the appt. I didn't tell them that I ate tacos last night and had horrible reflux so I drank 1 cup of milk at 1:30....I figure it has run it's course by now. And I guess it did--they didn't say anything about it.   I had to take a shot of this extreemly FIZZY stuff that tasted like unflavored AlkaSeltzer. That stuff is s'posed to blow up your stomach and make you feel like you have to burp--but you are s'posed to keep it all in. Then about a cup of the "heavy barium". The X-ray tech says "Take 2 swallows" and then takes a million films...then more swallows. And flipping over and over trying to keep your boobs in line. It wasn't so much the taste as the texture of this barium that was so gross. It felt like swallowing white floam.   But, it is one more thing down!! I made my appt with PCP for Medical Clearance, Phsyc Eval appt, PRE-OP Appt. Everything is scheduled and on track!
JazzyMom17

JazzyMom17

4
 

Here's to wearing a sun-dress again!!!

I'm still existing in a sparkling effervesence of *APPROVED*....I tried to call my skinny mom and sister last night and they were both busy with different things, so I didn't have the lapband talk with them. And I'm glad I didn't last night....I was just TOO excited. My husband was depressed about something, so all my glee just kindof bounced off of him. But, I DID tell my daughter (she's 6) and it was prob'ly bad judgement b/c she will doubtless leak the word out to my ex (her dad) and prob'ly my skinny in-laws. But last night was worth it. We were both just jumping up and down celebrating, because "when I get skinny I can wear beautiful dresses again!!!" I can't tell you how many Sunday's when we're getting ready for church she has asked, "Mommy are you wearing a dress today? How bout that beautiful one in your closet???" But I always end up putting on the black pants and some dark colored top on.   So here's... to wearing a flouncy, colorful, sundress with regular width platform high-heeled sandals...
to wearing crisp white pants without wondering how bad it looks.
to having sex again---really good sex without feeling self-conscious and wanting to cover myself up...
to going golfing with my husband in a cute little golf-skort and sleevless top...
to letting go of this feeling of defeat and shrowding...and really being ALIVE and VIBRANT in my life...
to taking LOTS of pictures and never hiding from the camera again...
to actually looking forward to the events at work and the weddings in the summer...
to feeling attractive and confident again...
to feeling "in control" of my self....
to getting to the point where life is more than food---dieting, dieting, dieting, losing, gaining, calories in, calories out, eating too much...
to FREEDOM from "weight".
JazzyMom17

JazzyMom17

5
 

Approved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is NO font big enough to show how COMPLETELY excited I am right now!!!! WOW!!!!!! I only have 15 minutes to write, so I'll make this quick, but am beside myself with HOPE and crazy GLEE!!! I went to PCP this morning---and asked her about Lap-Band. She talked about the risks, the chance of having digestive problems, more risks...etc. I have NEVER had a doctor, look up my BMI and give me cause for concern. But today she did...and she gave me a scrip for BP meds. I was excited about that and called the insurance coordinator before I was even out the door to tell her that I've got ANOTHER comorbidity!!! WOO-HOO!!! And she said, that she already had tried to call me to say that the insurance came back APPROVED!!!!! I screamed on the phone! Poor lady, but she was fine with it. It is prob'ly one of the best jobs in the world to call and tell people that. So, now I tentatively put my date down as June 17th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!   TO KNOW WITH CERTAINTY that THIS time I will be able to do this. To know that I won't blow all my good effort and excercise on a bad meal! These things are priceless and out of my realm of explaination!!! YES!!!!!!   Tonight I call my skinny mother and skinny sister. I've told my two sisters who are also overweight and they completely understand. I don't want to put the burden on them to support this without my other sister and mom. But no way in hell will I tell my inlaws!!!   But before I call, I'm going to get out my low-rider khaki GAP goal pants and hang them on the wall.
JazzyMom17

JazzyMom17

6
 

Should I start Weight Watchers AGAIN?!??!?!!!!

Ok....I'm Dying (!!) from not hearing from my insurance yet. I'm almost 100% that they will say a big DENIED!, because the nurse didn't send anything in with the letter she wrote to them explaining Hypertension (controlled by meds), High Cholesterol (controlled by meds) and Sleep Apnea, and the weight she put down for me.   So, I KNOW they will be requiring more proof...SURELY---but this is ANTHEM BCBS COVACARE---the nurse acted like this was a "shoe in" insurance. SO MAYBE hope against hope that they would approve it, but in the back of my mind, I KNOW I"ll have to do more and prove more that I am worthy of the lapband.   I"ve done a REALLY good job of bloating up this last ten pounds so fast and it's great to be able to eat whattever I want, but the looming FAMILY VACATION, my newphew on my skinny in-law side is having a dreaded pool-party for his bday. AND I want to have a baby before I'm 35!!!!! It would be absolutely PERFECT if they would approve me and I could get it done, skip bandster hell and go right to the sweet-spot, lose 50 pounds, then get pregnant and be down to goal a year after I have the baby.   If they come back and say six months of weight-watchers or something....I'm not sure what to do!   I think I'll go ahead and try to get the last weight-watcher's attempt a couple years ago ON PAPER, and then start it up again. The worst case is that they approve me and I can cancel it. But then I'll be stressing about what to put down there as eating. I really don't want to lose anything right now. I'm right on the wire!!
JazzyMom17

JazzyMom17

1
 

Consultation---CHECK!

So, I had the consultation with Dr. Pinnar yesterday!! All went REALLY REALLY well. He thought I would be a "good candidate". I spoke with the insurance coordinator, as well, and she was so encouraging. She will be submitting to the insurance TODAY for approval. I am HOPING and PRAYING that everything goes well and gets approved!!!! I will be on pins and needles until I hear!! Half of me thinks that I will get denied and have to appeal---which I am getting myself informed about all of that right now.   Dr. Pinnar says that this band isn't the "magic bullet" and that I will still have to be in the driver's seat in the car...it won't go anywhere unless I drive. But, with all my past failures under my belt---I know how I am. Exercise is never the issue with me--I LOVE to work out--if I can find a tool to counter appetite and assist in dietary control...then that is 90% of the battle for me. If this band does its' job, then I'm good for the rest!   I ate dinner last night and was looking at my plate wondering---how much my meal would be different if I get the band. Then watched Biggest Loser last night and the girls put on their "goal" clothes and it was like a DING DING DING!!! bell going off in my mind about MY goal clothes that I have been debating throwing out for the past ten years. Those low-rider GAP khaki pants (size 6) that I LOVED to wear. I got this urge to ressurect them and hang on the closet door---but I can't get too obsessive compulsive about this stuff yet UNTIL I get approved!!!   I was telling the Doctor about my past attempts...and it was kindof a wake-up call to me that I have really never had success in a healthy way...so doing this is a step in the right direction. Not taking ECA stacks that will cause me a stroke or something.   I really really really really really hope the insurance approves this!!!!!!!!!!
JazzyMom17

JazzyMom17

2
 

Seminar down!!

Thanks everybody for your comments!! The seminar was great..I asked tons of questions. What I learned that I didn't know from this forum (which has been SUCH a great resource!!):   Getting pregnant and adjusting the band..etc after becoming pregnant should not be a complication whatsoever. Doctor said that there have been ALOT of happily pregnant people in the last two years especially. This is SO exciting to me to think of being pregnant WITHOUT the extreme high blood pressure and other weight-related problems with my first baby!!!
This usually RESOLVES GERD as opposed to complications with GERD.
Hypoglycemia (self-diagnosed allert---shaky, emotionally-frazzeled and dizzy feeling if go without food for too long)...can be cured with a little bit of carbs on the pre-and post-surgery diet without causing harm (they require 1 week of liquid protein-shake diet limiting carbs to 50/day. AAAAUUGGH! I've NEVER been able to sustain 50/day....and that makes me nervous--but doctor said--no big deal, if I get shakey have some carbs. Whew!
So, I have my appt with Sleep DR today....just the talking one. I am looking forward to that. Have had HORRIBLE insomnia lately and feel like my blood pressure has gone thru the roof, since I have begun eating WHATEVER and not monitoring my sodium intake. If it is really high then I may not need the Sleep Apnea diagnosis, although I think I do have that.   THEN, I called my surgeon's office this morning and they can get me in TOMORROW for my consulation!! Woo-Hoo!!! THIS part is going very fast at least--I'm scared about getting approved thru insurance!! Please, please, Lord!!   Hubby is going with me tomorrow. He is being supportive of me!
JazzyMom17

JazzyMom17

1
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