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A blog by Arb

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One Week Bandiversary

Well, I have survived the first week postop. Gas pain, too tight band and liquid diet. All of it. I am pretty excited that I am under 1 week now of liquids only. I go back to work onthe 29th and am starting mushies then, I don't care if the darn book says the 30th!   Today is better. I was able to swallow my pill without it sitting in my throat for an hour and liquids are going through my band with very little pain. These are all good things. I still seem to have alot of bloating since my pants are tighter around the waist then they were preop and I've lost 10 lbs since then! I know this too will pass.   Patience, Patience.   I was in town at a convenience store for about 5 minutes and saw 3 women get out of separate cars and all were clearly obese or morbidly obese. I felt sad for them and I didn't even know them. I know they have felt the same pain I have. It also strengthened my resolve that I have done the right thing and will see the rewards soon enough. Slow and steady! I picked the turtle to be my ticker marker so it will remind me every time I look at it that this is a long war with many battles and I have to just keep trudging on.   Still having some port site pain, mostly from the unfill I had on Monday. That was pretty uncomfortable and I have some new bruising there. Incisions all seem to be healing well.   I'm feeling pretty good except for bending over is still a little painful. Mostly I'm bored. So much I want to do and I have so much energy. Now I can't really use it. I am signing up at the gym tomorrow and will start working out when I go back to work next week. I know I won't be able to do much at first but again, baby steps.   Overall, I'm feeling better and am hoping the worst of it is behind me and the next 6 days of liquids goes VERY FAST!!   Congrats to bashful1269 who was banded today. Welcome aboard!!:cursing:
Arb

Arb

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Feeling Good Without Brownies

I'm back to work. In our building that means back to food! We have lots of good cooks, bakers. Today we had angel food cake and brownies in the office. I pinched off a real small bite of brownies and was satisfied. Doesn't mean i didn't want to bury my head in the container and eat every darn one of those yummy, moist brownies, but I didn't. I feel good about that. Tomorrow is a big lunch and there will be LOTS of good food and good desserts. I'm going to try to stay focused and taste things but not go overboard. I have found that at least I don't salivate everytime something good crosses my vision so I think that's progress. I need all the help I can get right now as the food starts rolling in and LBT is a great place for me to get refocused.   First postop appt Thursday and I'm thinking of not getting a fill. I'm really not hungry between meals (except for head hunger) and I want to take it slow. I lost another 2 lbs. last week after starting solids and I'm trying to be very content with 1-2 lbs a week. I guess when I hit that first week of no loss, or worse yet, a gain, I'll think more strongly about a fill. For now I'm going to take it one day at a time.
Arb

Arb

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The First Day of the Rest of my Life!

Today was surgery day. I can't believe how at peace I feel with this decision. I know there will be days when I will wonder what in the heck I did this for but not today.   Woke at 4:45 to shower and dress. Headed to the hospital at 5:30 for my 6am arrival time. Headed to surgery around 7:45. Not sure how long actual surgery took but I was coming to, trying to pry my eyes open around 9:00, I think.   Immediately knew gas pain in my chest and left shoulder was going to be a reality for a while. Now I know what heart attack victims mean when they say it feels like "an elephant sitting on your chest". My elephant needs a lapband! Deep breathing helps the chest pain but then it feels like I have a knife twisting in my shoulder. However, writing this at 7 pm the pain is lessening and I know will go away in time. I will survive!   Left hospital at noon and was back home by 1 pm. Have been drinking 2-4 ozs water every hour. This is not a problem so far. I actually want much more but am afraid I will be sick so am holding back. Food doesn't appeal to me right now. Had some SF jello earlier but it was so sweet I coldn't finish it. How strange after 10 days of no sugar that jello now seems too sweet. I like the feeling, however.   I have been walking around the house every hour trying to hasten the gas departure and make sure no nasty blood clots come.   I have been trying to read but about 3 pages in my eyelids become weighted with lead and I'm off to bed for another nap.   I haven't taken any pain pills since leaving the hospital but probably will before night bedtime just to keep ahead of the game. I suspect tomorrow will be the most painful. Seems the second day is always worse than the first.   I am also looking forward to eating "real food". Oatmeal, even very watered down, sounds heavenly right now. I'm not really hungry but want something with a flavor other than chocolate protein shake!   I am so happy to be posting this blog. Some days I thought it would never happen but here I am and am SO EXCITED about what lies ahead.   Good luck to everyone who is banded and those still waiting! I'm proud to now call myself a bandster!:blushing:
Arb

Arb

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Food Tracking Site

Tried to get on chat but wouldn't load. Can someone give me sites where you track your food consumption? The one I used has changed and I don't like it.   Thanks!
Arb

Arb

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First real food test

We had lunch provided by our wonderful PTA parents today. The problem was the only entree was fried chicken strips. I only had one small one, about 3 chips, a couple tsp. of dip and a very tiny piece of cake. I guess out of everything that was offered I felt pretty good about that. It took me 1.5 hrs. to nibble away at the chicken strip while I worked!!   Tonight I went to Happy Hour with my brother. I had 2 triangles of a chicken quesadilla and I was stuffed. First time out like that and I feel ok about it. First time I've really eaten bread or fried anything since banding and it all seems to have settled pretty well. I'm hoping my preband iron stomach stays with me. :thumbup: I know it was alot of carbs today but all in all I'm proud of myself. I would have consumed 3000-4000 calories in a day like today pre-band. This little addition to my insides certainly makes me view food and eating differently, I'll say that!   First postop dr appts tomorrow. The physical therapist is not going to be happy with me:mad: I hope the doc and the dietician are good.:ohmy:
Arb

Arb

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My Journey Begins Today

After months of waiting, doctor visit after doctor visit, being poked and prodded, prodded and poked, I am finally on my way. July 15 is my surgery date!!!! I started my one meal replacement shake today and of course my DH is on vacation and fried bacon. I LOVE bacon!! Didn't eat any though. I am thrilled, scared, excited, scared, impatient, scared....Did I mention scared? I keep asking myself if I am doing the right thing? Why can't I do it the old fashioned way? Diet, exercise.......I think my pride is really standing in my way of being 100% committed to this. Is that normal? Anyway, I am praying for God's strength to get me through the next couple of months of liquid diet, surgery, post-op problems, etc., etc. I have never been really good at journaling but have gotten so much motivation and information from the blogs here that I no it will only increase my success with this process. Now, if someone can tell me how to put a picture here I'll give it a try. Hopefully one of the last pictures I will truly hate :thumbup: Thank you for letting me share this journey with you.
Arb

Arb

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Sanity vs. Risk

10 days postop and I'm losing my mind. I am not suppose to do mushies until 7/30. 5 more full days! I have decided to give myself a bit of a break. I am going to have a fried egg, over medium, tomorow for breakfast. I will then do liquids the rest of the day. I only made it though today because my kids were here and my husband took himself out to eat after they left. I am getting so edgy and crying at the slightest thing. I know I shouldn't rely on food but I'm am just feeling SO weak. Monday I will be busy all day so I will try my best to stay on liquids. Tuesday, also. Wednesday I am back to work and I am definately starting mushies that day. I just pray I don't mess something up with my band or my stomach but right now I feel I have to take the risk to maintain some sort of composure and gain my strength to go back to work. I have lost 12 lbs in the past 10 days. Normally I would be cheering but it's really starting to scare me. Can that really be good for your body? I don't know. I'll call the dietician on Monday but I have to get through tomorrow somehow. The egg will be soft and I think will just give me enough of a boost to make through another day without another huge crying jag. The thing is, I never cry. I feel totally out of control and I hate that. I did this to get control of my body, my health, my life and now I feel my head is spinning. I know it's short term but apparently not short enough. I feel like a loser tonight but I guess I need to be proud I have made it 20 full days on liquids. I'm still struggling with the "why couldn't I do this on my own" syndrome so adding the failure to complete the full 24 days of liquids is just kind of another failure but I'm going to forgive myself do what I feel I have to do and fight again tomorrow. I had no illusions this was going to be easy and it's not. But I still do not regret doing it and have so much hope for the future.
Arb

Arb

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I Laughed Out Loud

I was getting dressed this morning and put on a pair of comfy capris. I say comfy because until recently they were the only things I could wear and still breath at the end of the day. 8 weeks ago they were a little loose around the waist but still seemed snug by the end of the day.   Well.....this morning I put them on, buttoned them and went to zip them. They were already zipped!!! I put them on with the zipper already zipped!! I actually laughed out loud. They are just about to the point I am going to have to get rid of them. Even with my belt they feel big. I've only lost 35 lbs. but OMG what a difference!   Another startling revelation this evening...I sauteed zucchini, yellow squash, garlic, tomato and onion. Then seasoned a tilapia fillet and threw it in the skillet. Steamed for about 10 minutes. It was wonderful!! I had about 2 oz. of fish and about a 1/4 cup vegetables and I am completely satisfied. If someone had told me 8 weeks ago I would even like tilapia, much less really enjoy it I would have said they were crazy. Fried catfish is my kind of dish!!   This is indeed an incredible journey and one I am looking forward to.
Arb

Arb

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10 Minus 3 and counting

Well after being awake all night last night for reasons I really can't figure out I am going to bed early tonight. That will show that protein shake who's boss:thumbup:   This is day 3 of my 10 day liquid diet. So far the only solid food I have had is about 2 oz. steak and 2 Tbsp. mashed potatoes last night when DH finally grilled the KC strip. I wasn't about to deny myself totally. Thought I did pretty well. The physical hunger hasn't really been bad. The head hunger is a different matter when I let myself think about it. I have been using Julie Ann's "Am I really Hungery?" and that really helps. Thanks, Julie Ann! Other than that, I have had a total of almost 1500 calories in 3 days. I keep saying to myself "Self, if you can do this you can lose the weight without the surgery." Then I say "Self, you have lost weight before. You have lost 30 lbs. 10 times in the last 5 years and gained 40 back each time. Self, DO THE MATH!!!!!!"   Told my DD today and she was NOT supportive. I love her dearly but when she said "You just need to eat less, eat the right foods and exercise" I would have choked her but we were on the phone. Fortunate for her. Did I mention she is 5'5 and weighs 120 lbs? Easy for her to say. Seriously though I know that's why I keep avoiding telling people. I just don't want to deal with the negative input.   Good news for today....had my preop assessment and final visit with the surgeon. All is a go for July 15th. I was having serious doubts and he really took alot of time with me and answered all my questions. It really helps that he is a friend of a friend and they think he is a very honest, caring, down-to-earth surgeon. Somewhat unusual for surgeons, I understand. Anyway, he had the lapband in 3 years ago and said he would do it again. I like that!!   Oh, yeah, I have lost 11 lbs in the last 3 weeks:thumbup:!   I know this is long but it's been a big day.
Arb

Arb

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You know it has been too long when...

You can't remember your passwork to LBT:smile: Yep, it's been too long. I really took a break in December and am now trying to lose the 5 lbs I gained. Don't let anyone tell you you can't gain weight when you are banded. Anyway, it's a new year, my 6 months bandiversary is on the 15th and I have lost 52.5. Will have lost 55 when this last 2.5 lb gain goes away I'm back to planning meals, staying away from snacks and will make another fill appt. if I don't stay on track. Bought myself a walking tape and have walked 4 or last 5 days. Great I know except my foot hurts like #@$#*&^:w00t: Anyway, I'm going to keep it up. My goal is to do a 5k walk by my 50th BD in May. My other goal is another 15 lbs gone by then.   I know staying in touch here will help me reach both of those.   Couple of NSV's to start the new year....   I can now take my blood pressure with a regular size cuff instead of stretching the BIG cuff to the max.   I can get up and down with my beautiful grandson all day long and not feel like I'm dying.   I can wear my winter clothes that would not fit last year.   I hope everyone is having a wonderful New Year and wish 2010 to be a year of great health and happiness to all of you.
Arb

Arb

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6 Day until Liquid Diet begins...

That seems to be heavy on my mind. I seem to think about food and what I will be mising all the time. Is that normal? We have KC strips in the freezer and I want to eat them all before Sunday! Will this obsession with food get better after banding? I know my husband "eats to live" and I "live to eat". I envy his relationship with food. Why is it all consuming to some (me) and not a big deal at all to others? I'm also not doing well in the exercise dept. I keep thinking after I lose a few pounds I'll feel more like it but I know that is the wrong attitude. I guess I'm pretty down today. I think I'm just getting scared the closer the actual surgery gets. I'm excited, also, but definately scared. It's such a huge, LIFETIME, committment. I think I'm going to go lay in the sun. Maybe that will lift my spirits....
Arb

Arb

3
 

I'm a "Crunch" addict

I have realized I need to "crunch" when I eat. If I have cottage cheese and applesauce for breakfast I am full. I have gotten good nutrition. BUT...unless I have something that goes "crunch" I am not satisfied. So, what to do....I find, since being banded and changing my entire way of thinking, that I can actually "crunch" but in moderation. A half piece of multi-grain bread well toasted, a few crackers, a few pretzels w/lunch. Anything that goes "crunch" and I am satisfied. 30-50 additional calories is going a long way in keeping me from binging. A good self-discovery, I think.
Arb

Arb

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Exercise Motivation Needed

I think I'm doing ok eating, although I'm getting between 70o-900 calories a day on mushies and my dietician says 300-400. I don't feel like I'm eating anything and still getting too many calories! Maybe my measurements are very good. I don't know. I'm frustrated. But mostly with my lack of motivation to exercise. I've joined a gym but just got there one day last week. I can only do about 15 mins of hard exercise and it just doesn't seem worth it to change clothes, drive there, sweat like a pig, show, change clothes again. I know I have to start somewehre but DARN I can't get motivated. I like water aerobics but the only place in town won't start until Sept or Oct. I KNOW I have to do something before then! I'm really down about this whole exercise thing. Anyone out there who couldn't do more than 10-15 mins when they started that had made alot of progress I would love to hear from. I feel like I'm the only one that weights 300 lbs that can't do an hour in the gym!! Help!!
Arb

Arb

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My last days of food worship

My 10 day liquid diet begins Sunday, sooooooooooooo......today I'm having pizza, and Red Lobster. Tomorrow a big juicy steak. I am really disgusted by how much I love to eat!!!!!! I am dreading the liquid diet but I am also excited about being able to quit thinking about what I'm going to eat, when I'm going to eat, when I'm going to eat after that.......I'm not sure what I will occupy my mind with but anything will be a change from food!!!!! The overeating is exactly how I start every new diet. This feels different, though. I'm not sure how, but it just does. I have never been looking forward to a lifestyle change, eating habit changes, exercising (ok, honestly, I'm really not looking forward to exercising), but it feels RIGHT this time. It feels like this is the right tool for me at the right time. I'm scared, second-guessing, anxious, all the negative things that I think surely are normal. But I am also so READY to rid myself of these life-limiting pounds and pounds and pounds. I want to be active. I want to say goodbye to the aches and pains, the exhaustion, the emotional drag of looking in the mirror and hating myself. I truly believe, when all is said and done, I AM READY!!
Arb

Arb

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Weigh In Went well

Today is my Monday weight in and I was nervous. I have been eating 700-900 calories per day and my dietician says 300-400. I was so scared to get on the scale! I was shocked when it said I have lost 4 lbs this past week! Very happy, but confused. Don't know if I'm overestimating on my calories or if my body just wants that many. Anyway, I guess I'll keep doing what I'm doing and hope for another good Monday next week.   NSV -- I do know my pants fit better. I wore a pair of capris today that I haven't been able to keep buttoned because they were too tight around the waist. I wore them all day today and could still breath at the end of the day. Nice feeling!   Getting tired of my mushie routine and ready to go to solids. My plan says 8/13 but my dietician appt isn't until 8/20 and they can't get me in any earlier. I'm bummed about that. I just want to chew something crunchy. Just a cracker or something.   Anyway, things are going pretty well and I haven't had any regrets yet.
Arb

Arb

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No Cheating - YooHoo!!

Day 1 of liquid diet is done. No cheating. This is good. Fortunately my DH didn't grill steaks like I told him he could go ahead and do. I can only imagine that my will power would have been that good. Anyway, the hunger hasn't been bad and now I'm going to bed. 9 days to go.......
Arb

Arb

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1 Day Post Op

Ok, the Up from yesterday has come Down. The pain isn't so bad. Most of the gas has moved down, at least out of my shoulder. I still feel like I have an elephant on my chest,but I think today it's just a baby elephant.   I am forcing liquids down sip by sip by sip. I'm not hungry and even the water seems to just sit on my chest. I know it will get better I'm just a bit blue today. Mostly bored I think since it's too hot to go outside and nothing much I can do inside since I can't really bend or pick up anything.   I guess I'll let my DH torture me by taking off my bandaids and go take a shower. Maybe that will perk me up.   Reading all the great blogs helps though, so to all of you, Thanks for sharing!
Arb

Arb

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Mad mad mad mad mad

I'm mad at myself for not paying enough attention to my diet instructions. I thought mushies I could have 2-3 oz protein and 1.5 oz other food. That's what I've been doing the last 3 days. I realized tonight it's only suppose to be 1.5 oz protein, 1.5 other. What a dope! I'm already paranoid I'll mess up my band and now this! Well, I'll pray for the best and tomorrow will be a new day and I will be back to 1.5 oz. protein.   Now, the following has nothing to do with food so feel free to stop here but I have to VENT!   I came home tonight and Amerun UE, our electric company, has totally, needlessly, destroyed 6 beautiful trees in my yard! They were suppose to "trim" them away from the electric lines. They frigging destroyed them!!! All young, healthy trees! I am so :smilielol5::cursing::hurray: ANGRY!! CAn't even call and yell at anyone because they're closed for the evening! Man, I can't wait until 8am in the morning!:yikes::cursing:   IDIOTS! IMBECILES! DUMBASSES!   Now please don't mistake me for a tree hugger because I am not. But I am definately a nature lover and to destroy not 1 but 6 perfectly healthy trees that only needed a bit of trimming should be criminal. I may consult an attorney to see if it is! I don't normally curse either but tonight is an exception.:yikes::cursing::party::cursing:   OK, I feel slightly better but not much. Guess I'll go clean the kitchen and try to use a little of this enraged energy!
Arb

Arb

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Beware! Contains Negativity

I thought about not even doing this today but decided I am in this for the long haul, through the good, the bad and the negative.   I am 5 days post op and feel terrible. I woke up and cried this morning. VERY unlike me. I am getting very little nutrition and only about 40 oz of water a day. Every sip hurts. Not to mention the gurgling going on inside.   I have a call in to my doc, oh crap, they just called. They think there may still be fluid in my band from the preop prep of the band and want me to come in. I guess I'll get a defill before I planned. Not sure I'm mentally ready for this. I guess I just have to bite the bullet and go because I am pretty much in pain constantly and this SUCKS!   OK, I guess I'll go...................   OK, I'm really going now. HOpefully I'll feel better and be in a better frame of mind when I get back.   Sorry for the negativity but I did warn you!:thumbup:
Arb

Arb

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Back on Track

At least I hope. 5 days postop and I had to go in for an unfill. Apparently I had 4ccs in my band and must have alot of swelling because EVERYTHING was getting stuck. Even water. Procedure wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. She had to push a little harder than normal (so she says) because of my swelling from surgery but no major pain. I still cried like a baby because I have been so emotional the last few days. I think from so many days on liquids, no nutrition to speak of, and probably somewhat dehydrated. Well, now I feel better. Still a little sore so I have to stick with strictly liquids, no puddings, cereals, etc. for a couple of more days. At least I have been able to get in about 60 oz. of fluid today, including 1 protein drink. Tomorrow will be better.
Arb

Arb

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Day Three Tree Murder Saga and a NSV!

OK, met yesterday with a rep. from Ameran UE. He conceeded that MAYBE the trimmers could have left a few of the branches but overall they did what they had to do to accomplish their objective of keeping the power on and the lines up. He left off the part where they are trimming so brutally because they don't want to come back for another 6 years! I recommended they rethink their long range plan! Anyway, by the time he left he said he would talk with the engineers about burying a short section of line that goes through the middle of our trees. He said he couldn't promise anything. Really?? At least he said he would try. So for the next week, I will wait patiently and then go to my next plan of action. I'm not going down quietly on this one!   Now, for a NSV!!!! My husband and I are going to a bar tonight. I was fretting about having nothing to wear when I remembered some shirts I had stuck away in the closet that I haven't been able to wear for 2 years. I dug them out and, WHEEEEEEE, 2 of them fit! 2 others are still a little snug so I put them back for a few more weeks but, WHEEEEEE, I now have a nice shirt to wear tonight!!:biggrin: Feels so good!!:thumbup:
Arb

Arb

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The Ups and Downs

Went to a restaurant in a little town where I live last night and didn't have much good choices in protein line. Pretty much everything was fried, or steak, or chicken breast. Since I'm still on mushies this was tough. Well I decided to get meatloaf thinking that at least that was ground beef and not solid chicken,beef,pork. Ate about 1.5 oz, maybe 2. Probably 1 oz. baked potatoe w/butter/sour cream and about .5 oz. applesauce. Later, at the bar, I could not get comfortable sitting. Stomach cramping and gas. Had to pretty much stand until 1:30 in the morning. This morning I hurt when I got up, knees swollen, felt bloated, yucky in general. This is all the down part.   Now, for the Up.....as I was fretting over not being able to eat exactly what I wanted another woman, maybe slightly older than me, got up to leave. She was obese and walking with a cane. All of the sudden I felt much better about the choice I had made. I DO NOT want to walk with a cane! I DO want to be healthy and active!   UP -- when I got up this morning and felt bad I knew it was from standing so much and being so fat. This reinforced my decision to have the band and to take this journey to get healthy. Today has been easy as for making good eating choices and continuing on the right path.   I got to my primary doc tomorrow and will weigh for the first time in a week and since starting mushies. I can't believe how nervous I am:scared2:   I'm thinking:   If I have lost 1-2 lbs I will consider that a success and be happy. Really? Not sure but will try hard:smile:   If I have lost more than 2 lbs I will be very happy:thumbup:   If I have lost nothing or gained I will be devastated. That's why I'm nervous!! I know the time will come when I will not have lost anything in a week but I just don't want it to happen yet. Not when I'm still on mushies!:biggrin:
Arb

Arb

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Dumb, Dumb, Dumb!

Six days into this liquid diet and doing ok. Sun-Wed saw 450-550 cals. each. Doc said I could have a few bits of "real food" just keep cals VERY VERY LOW. So, Tues saw 2 oz. steak and 2 tbsp. mashed potatoes. 519 total cals. Wed. was 1 cup ham and beans 433 total cals. Well yesterday waas my first real test. Went to lunch with a friend. Ordered turkey and cheese sandwich, threw away the bread, no mayo. Tasty!!!! Ordered "SEASONED" broccoli instead of fries. Obviously, their idea of seasoned and mine are different. Tasted like plain ole' broccoli to me. So here's the rub....I ordered some ranch dressing to dip. Now, I only had what I estimated to be about 5 tbsp. dressing. Today, entering into Sparkpeople.com my food for yesterday I got a BIG UGLY WAKE UP CALL! Total cals yesterday WITHOUT ranch dressing, 503...with ranch dressing....873!!!! Dumb, dumb, dumb.   The up side to this....proof that food journaling is GOOD, proof that ranch dressing is BAD, motivation to do all liquids today GOOD.
Arb

Arb

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Exercise - not a four letter word but....

I took the next step today and joined a gym. It's actually a small program run by the hospital where I had my band done. The people there were great. They even tested my blood sugar for free and it was 106!! The last time I had a fasting sugar profile done was 6/12 and it was 123. AWESOME!!!! Being told I was borderline diebetic is what really pushed me over the edge into making this decision. My brother is diebetic and I feel so sorry for him. He has so much pain in his feet he just can't stand long at all. Doesn't help being an over the road trucker for 30 years either but the diebetes just makes everything worse. I am definately counting 106 as a NSV!:cursing:   Otherwise, I can tell the unfill is working much better and I think some of the swelling is gone. I can pretty much drink and feel no pain. I am starting back on full liquids today, had been on clear liquids the last couple of days other than protein drink, so I tried some blended soup. I hope it was ok. It was probably too spicy though so will definately take my Nexium tonight:frown: HAHA I just realized I put in a purple frown for my purple pill. I am so hoping to get off my two meds that I am on!!   Kept busy today and the day went much faster. The down side to the unfill is that now I am actually getting hungry. My DH actually made pizza last night. I had to leave the room!!!!! But I didn't eat any. Yeah, me!   6 more days until mushies. Can't wait!!
Arb

Arb

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Food Journaling Helped Me

I'm home alone, just finished watching a movie that has left me feeling very emotional and vulnerable. I have this HUGE urge to eat something awful.   I decided to go to sparkpeople.com and track some possible food choices. After reviewing how well I have done all week and trying some different options to see what they would do to my totals (cals,carbs,fat,protein) after 15 mins I have decided to have a protein drink mixed with water, grab a book and go to bed.   Am I comforted by this decision? Tonight, absolutely not. Hopefully in the morning I will feel much better about this.:cursing:
Arb

Arb

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