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Checking the Boxes

I'm filling out some forms for my Psyche evaluation that is scheduled for 05/30. I can't help but wonder if I'm writing 3/4 of the report the guy is going to send the insurance company!   I had a brief conversation with this guy when I scheduled my appointment. It sounds like he is a non-value-added checkbox along my path of this journey. He has no specific training in obesity issues, doesn't even appear to be a full-time psychologist (only available nights and week-ends). I asked him what his qualifications were for performing the evaluation; his response was that his wife had been through the surgery. Doesn't seem like much of a qualification.   My husband will be happy to know that he'll expand his career options once I have the surgery!   Oh well...I'm already working with a psychologist on my own. The dr. didn't want her opinion; afraid that she won't fill out the report properly was the reason. She and I have tackled many of the issues surrounding my weight. :thumbup:   One checkbox will be complete on 05/30 (Psyche Eval)   Second checkbox will be complete on 06/09 (6th month of nutrition counseling).   Final checkbox will be the letter of medical necessity - supposedly to be sent by the surgeon. There really is no question on that issue; my BMI is over 55 and I have two co-morbidities (high blood pressure & obesity induced asthma).   The timeline I've been told is that to anticipate a surgery date between July 20 & 31. I think I'll be holding my breath until I come out of recovery. :glare:
d4lussier

d4lussier

1
 

I want ice cream

and cookies...   My classic responses to stress. I want it so bad I feel like crying for it. Just want to feel it slipping coldly down my throat, and then the crunchy cookies afterwards. SO much better than the pain of the stress.   Sigh....   I only worked a half day today - and spent that entire half day with people in my office crying and trying to understand why our co-worker committed suicide on Tuesday.   This is really REALLY hard to not go get a gallon of ice cream and a couple packages of cookies and drown myself. And there is a part of me that says "you don't have to be good YET, you don't have your lapband YET. GO GET IT"   But I want to be successful, and the fighter in me recognizes that if I can get through THIS stress, I can get through most anything else life can throw at me.
d4lussier

d4lussier

1
 

Fear of Success

Many people have a fear of failing yet AGAIN. I can understand the fear of having people watch you and wait for the failure to happen.   I have a huge fear of people watching me and expecting success!   I'm not yet banded; expect a surgery date sometime in late July. I'm trying to get some of the "head" work started NOW. Hence the discussion on fear of success.   I realize that being fat gives me a perfect excuse to not be successful at whatever I don't have the courage to tackle.   Have a big project at work that requires some extra hours? Oh wait, I think I'm too exhausted from being fat to work extra hours; so...my failure is because I'm fat.   Don't feel comfortable about riding my horse in front of more capable people? Oh wait, I don't feel it's good for the horse for me to climb on in all my fatness.   A built in excuse. WOO HOO   What the HECK am I going to do without my excuse? People are going to expect me to be perfect. YIKES.   I don't want anyone to expect anything from me. I just want to be left alone to achieve what I achieve without worrying about the expectations of anyone else.   Guess I need to become a hermit, eh?
d4lussier

d4lussier

4
 

And the Wisdom to Know the Difference

People who commented on my blog entry yesterday helpfully reminded me of the mantra involving knowing the difference between those things you can control, and those you can't.   One of the things I need to remember I can't control is how other people perceive me. My personality tests all come back reporting that I am the type of person who is VERY focused on how others perceive me. It seems that I am fighting a difficult battle here.   So why am I overweight? That seems like an oxy-moron to me. Being overweight draws a LOT of negative attention. AND I feel like I'm hiding within this very thick wall of fat.   So many puzzles to unwind in this journey.
d4lussier

d4lussier

3
 

Telephone Tag

A fun game when we were kids, but not so fun when you are an adult trying to get an answer!   So...the continuation of yesterdays thread where I was told that I had to do 6 months of supervised exercise program. Um...I'm in my fifth month of preparation - a little late now to be told this.   So I called the office this morning to speak with the program people. "Sorry, they aren't answering the phones right now, call back in 15 minutes."   I tried five times. Got the same message everytime. Grrrr....   I will try again tomorrow.
d4lussier

d4lussier

1
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