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I Weigh NOTHING!

I got on the scale this morning (showing Scale Whore Membership card) and the little needle pointed DIRECTLY at 0!   I'm kind of stunned - so many thoughts running through my head.   "This lap band is INSANELY successful!"   "How can I be alive if I don't weigh anything?"   "Hmm...oh wait...yeah that's right, the 300 lb mark is at the same place as the 0 lb mark."   Yeah..ok - so I weigh 300 lbs. BUT WAIT....   That's a 24 lb loss since July 15th (start of pre-op diet). WOO HOOOOO...
d4lussier

d4lussier

4
 

Another First!

Getting stuck. Not a bad one...but enough to let me know - I don't wanna do that again!   Morale of the story: DON'T BE POLITE! Son had made chicken, but over cooked it. I tried to choke it down, dryness and all. OOOOOOo not good.   And a question. I can TRULY barely eat 3 Tbsp of food. I see a blog post of someone 5 weeks from surgery who can eat a Wendy's Grilled Chicken Sandwich? SAY WHAT??? How is that possible? Not that I WANT to eat that...but OMG I can't fathom squashing that much food in my poor little tummy.
d4lussier

d4lussier

1
 

REAL Food :)

I've been released to the mushy stage. WOO HOO.   Yesterday evening I had my very first opportunity to understand restriction. Had my dutifully measured out 2 tblspns of moist chicken breast (teeny tiny pieces and chewed to a mush) and 2 tblsps of mashed potato. WOW. It actually felt pretty darn uncomfortable eating the potatoes.   Very interesting. :frown:
d4lussier

d4lussier

1
 

4th Day Post-Op Status Report

Executive Overview:   The patient tolerated all aspects of the procedure well, and is healing quite nicely. Very few after-affects have occurred; the predominant after-affect realized has been loud gaseous expulsions. Prognosis is good.   Details:   I'm sick of pudding. NEVER thought I'd say that. :biggrin: I've reached the point in healing where I'm healed just enough to push it, and then hurt because I pushed it. :thumbup: Didn't sleep so well last night because I kept waking up after trying to roll onto my stomach - OUCH.   I really can't believe that this has finally happened. After researching and starting and stopping the process for five years, I have my lap band. For all of those who say they are terrified - I completely understand. I was terrified too - hence the starting and stopping. But really - it is NOT BAD AT ALL. Having a baby was ten times worse.   Amazing......
d4lussier

d4lussier

2
 

I'm In THE Club: Club Bandster

I'm now a Bandster. I'm so happy.   My experience was absolutely great (other than the two hour delay in my surgery). I feel great. I'm home (so still on the last dosage of the IV pain killers). and so so happy to be able to eat (?) some full liquids.   I'm a little fuzzy...a lot tired (hospitals are tiring places). I stayed over night and I'm glad I did.   I had the band, and I'm glad I did; the people who got gastric bypass the same day as I are still looking like they have been hit by a truck. I walked two miles in the 24 hours I was at the hospital.   Nap time for me now. :smilielol5:   AHHHHH....
d4lussier

d4lussier

6
 

12 Pre-Op Diet Days Down, 2 to Go! WOW - 15 lbs GONE

If you had told me 2 weeks ago that I could live on 960 calories, let alone function WELL on that level of calories, I would have told you to stop doing drugs.   My one biggest fear about having any type of gastric surgery was that I would be STARVING all the time and that I would be laying on the couch, hand to forehead, faint with hunger. (dramatic touch, eh?)   Well - that fear is gone. And now I'm just so EAGER for surgery - I *might* even embrace the IV! (my paranoia).   I've lost 15 lbs on the pre-op diet - with 2 more days to go. I feel SO much better just from that little bit!   I'm so impatient now...I told the surgeon's office that if by chance anyone canceled out I'd be HAPPY to take their place!   Oh - and found GREAT tasting chewable vitamins - Centrum Silver (I'm old) Chewables, and for my Vitamin D - gummy bear ones for kids! OMG - they are yummy!
d4lussier

d4lussier

5
 

8 Days Pre-op Done, 6 to go

and 13 lbs down! WOOO HOOOO   Tomorrow is final visit with surgeon...   I am so excited.   Got my shipment from BariatricEating.com - ordered yummy Believe drinks. OMG so tasty.   Already have protein powder on hand.   Tomorrow morning I make my "other stuff" list - sugar-free jello, etc.   I have been telling more and more people at work - EVERYONE has been supportive. I'm so happy for that. There is one person I haven't told yet - he is Mr. Know-it-all - and I expect him to tell me that I'm stupid. So I just won't tell him LOL
d4lussier

d4lussier

2
 

Five Down, Nine to Go

Made it through the weekend. I had a couple of briefly tough moments....but just firmed my resolve.   Ain't NOTHING standing in my way!   I've lost 6 lbs so far.....   Woo Hoo! :thumbup:
d4lussier

d4lussier

1
 

3 Down, 11 To Go

....tried mixing the liquid things around...I'm also allowed 4 shakes, 1 bar, and 1 soup...   Didn't work so hot - I need the bar later in the day it appears - I've been hungry all afternoon.   BUT STILL resisted cake TWICE. We had a department meeting today, and they served cake. I just left before anyone could offer me cake.   The cake made it's way (walked by itself mind you! LOL) back to the kitchen near my office after the meeting, and I stumbled across it when I went to wash out my cup.   I glared at it. And told it that it had NO POWER over me anymore.   SO THERE!
d4lussier

d4lussier

1
 

Two Down, Twelve to Go

I have successfully made it through the first two days of my 14 days of liquid pre-op diet.   EVEN while spending both days at a training class with morning danish & donuts, a lovely catered lunch, and afternoon cookies, and unlimited sodas.   I'm proud of me. :smile2:
d4lussier

d4lussier

2
 

Now Things Are Getting Serious

I know things are getting serious because I'm starting to display some thought patterns that I display only when I'm REALLY scared.   Had my pre-op testing yesterday. All went well as far as I can tell (no "OMG" from the xray tech, no nurses running out to check me into the hospital because my urine was bad, etc.). The only minor snafu was a scheduling mix-up - so I have to go back on Friday for the Pulmonary Function Test. Tomorrow I start my pre-op diet of Optifast. I'm making lists of things to buy, testing protein drinks (thank you www.BariatricEating.com for the sampler pack!) So things are in the home stretch.   And now my head starts playing games with me. In the past whenever I got close to tackling the "weight issue" I suddenly had other issues that were far more stressful and important and DISTRACTING.   So...the first distracting game my head played was "My husband is not good for me, I need to leave him." I decided to officially not decide anything on that until 1 year from now. I am going to concentrate on my health. I won Round One.   Today....the distracting game is "I hate my job. I don't want to work for anyone. I need to start my own business." Now...I suggest you read my last blog entry...the one where I said "I LOVE MY EMPLOYER"...yeah - that one.   So JUST as I'm about to open up Monster.com a little voice - one I don't think I've ever heard before - said "Are you CRAZY???" Actually the "f" word was in there too...   That's when I realized that WOW my head is really playing games on this...so when I face the real emotions....I'm TERRIFIED.   A moment long reflection on that and I realize it's the same old fears....I was sexually abused my entire teen-age years and my weight has served as a good abuse-prevention (who would want to touch a enormously fat woman?). When I lose the weight EVERYTHING is going to be out there in the oogling range of EVERY ONE.   SOOOOooooo....deep breath. I am determined. I am going to feel the fear and do it anyway. I am going to say "F U" to that terrified voice and seize my life and God protect any man or woman who lays a hand on me without my consent ever again.   "F U" Do you HEAR ME SCREAMING IT? NO MORE controlling my life. I'm going to run the show now! "F U"!!!!   Round Two to ME!  
d4lussier

d4lussier

2
 

Time Flies as Time Crawls

How can it be that it seems like time is flying yet time is crawling? :biggrin:   My surgery date is 07/29 and it seems like it is approaching SO FAST. Yet at the same time I swear the clock is moving SO SLOWLY.   I had my pre-op physical today. Everything was good. They even managed to "squeeze" (pun intended) in a mammogram. I thought to myself...gee - next time there won't be so much to squeeze!   Pre-op lab work on Monday, liquid diet starts on Wednesday, and then in two weeks I'll be in La La Land; the transition land to Bandlandia!   I found out today that my employer has a fund that pays for time off for employees in my situation - so I won't even have to use my precious vacation time for the surgery and recovery! Their insurance is paying for the surgery, I've had unlimited time off to go to all my pre-op stuff, and now they are paying me to recover. I LOVE MY EMPLOYER!
d4lussier

d4lussier

4
 

It's Hard to Lose Your Best Friend: FOOD

I feel so lonely today. That's what I've been covering up with food for so many years.   I'm not lonely for friendship. I'm lonely for someone who is more than a friend. I've been married for 27 years and feel very alone.   I've always thought and told my therapist that if I lost weight, I'd leave my husband. For many years I fought losing weight because of what I thought was the inevitable outcome.   Now weight is interferring with other things I want to do, and so I'm going to lose it. And I guess I'll just have to wait and see if my prediction for losing my husband along with the weight, comes true.
d4lussier

d4lussier

2
 

I want ice cream

and cookies...   My classic responses to stress. I want it so bad I feel like crying for it. Just want to feel it slipping coldly down my throat, and then the crunchy cookies afterwards. SO much better than the pain of the stress.   Sigh....   I only worked a half day today - and spent that entire half day with people in my office crying and trying to understand why our co-worker committed suicide on Tuesday.   This is really REALLY hard to not go get a gallon of ice cream and a couple packages of cookies and drown myself. And there is a part of me that says "you don't have to be good YET, you don't have your lapband YET. GO GET IT"   But I want to be successful, and the fighter in me recognizes that if I can get through THIS stress, I can get through most anything else life can throw at me.
d4lussier

d4lussier

1
 

Stress Happens

There is no getting away from it. Every day is a new day, with the potential for amazingly stressful things to occur. I have always had an immediate reaction to stress: EAT.   Eat to replace the pain of stress with a pain in my stomach. It's an easier pain to deal with.   Today's stressor is over the top, and I have very mixed emotions on reporting that I am not wanting to eat. In fact, I feel sick to my stomach. And I want a hug really bad and my husband is out of town on business. But I don't want to eat. Is this the start of a significant behavior change? Has all my therapy and thinking finally clicked in "Eating is not the way to fix stress"?   Tomorrow will be just as stressful. In a nutshell, I worked from home today and found out late in the afternoon that a team member committed suicide AT WORK this morning. Tomorrow will be a tough day at work.   So many emotions: Sadness mostly though.   Eating is not the answer...eating is not the answer.....eating is not the answer.....
d4lussier

d4lussier

5
 

Well - Maybe MUCH Faster, Grasshopper!!!

Last installment was that I was in for a delay because I needed a completely reworked letter for the insurance company from my PCP.   Two days after hearing this from the surgeon's office, I came back from a meeting at work to find THREE phone calls from the surgeon's office. I was thinking "Oh gosh! What other challenges await me!?!"   Well...the calls were to tell me that I was APPROVED! Even without the reworked PCP letter!   Since then has been a blur...I've had my 2nd meeting with the surgeon, have a big long list of tests to get taken care of, have my surgery date (07/29), have my nutritional appointments made, etc.   I am REALLY EXCITED. I think I was truly expecting some other issue to come up, or the insurance company to say NO, or something!   WOW! Every day, almost on a continual basis, I think to myself "In a year, I won't be wearing this size clothes" or "I won't have to turn sideways to get out of the shower" or "I won't be exhausted from walking from one building to the other". It's like I'm living in a whole new world.   Amazing!
d4lussier

d4lussier

1
 

Not So Fast, Grasshopper!

Well...today was to be the day I finished up all my prerequisites for submittal to the insurance company.   I took my PCP letter to the bariatric surgeons office, the gal took one look at it, and pronounced it inadequate. :crying:   I had thought about providing it as soon as I got it, but figured I'd just bring it to them in person when I had my last nutritionist visit. I should have gone with my first instinct.   So...I have an appointment on Friday with the PCP to discuss the letter, with specifics about what has to be in the letter. Hopefully she can put together a better letter and fax it to the bariatric surgeon's office and my paperwork can go in early NEXT week.   The first possible surgery date is now July 29th. My birthday is August 12...maybe I'll get my surgery for my birthday present. :frown:   Oh - and the guy who did my psyche eval DID diagnosis me with Binge Eating Disorder in the report - even though I have 3 of the eleven symptoms. I discussed it with the nutritionist who has spent 6 hrs with me over the last six months (as opposed to his 90 minute session) and she was vehement that she doesn't agree with his diagnosis. She's going to discuss it with the "insurance person" and if they agree that it's a poor psyche eval, I'll have to get ANOTHER one. Grrrr...I wonder if I can discuss it with him and have him change it?   Patience....perserverance....determination
d4lussier

d4lussier

1
 

Ok, This is Gonna Happen!!!

I have four things to provide to the insurance company.   1. Bariatric Surgeon recommendation 2. Primary Care Physician recommendation 3. Six Months of nutritional counseling along with a Nutritionist recommendation 4. Psychologist recommendation   I had kind of been putting off the PCP recommendation. Long story short, I'm using my OWN insurance to do the lapband, but use my husbands insurance for all my other medical needs. So I was avoiding confronting the fear that I would have to get a WHOLE NEW PCP from MY insurance to get item number 2 above.   On a lark, I called the insurance coordinator at the surgeon's office; she told me that it doesn't matter WHO the letter comes from, just as long as it's a recommendation. So I called my current PCP (from my husband's insurance) and asked her if she'd write the letter. She said "SURE!", did it, I picked it up 2 hrs later and I've GOT IT in my hot little hand.   On Saturday the Psyche eval will be dropped off at the surgeon's office. On June 9th I have my last nutrition appointment. On June 10th the paperwork will be submitted to the insurance company. One week from today!   THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY HAPPEN!!!   OMG. I'm gonna get skinnier!
d4lussier

d4lussier

3
 

I Told My Boss Today

And relief! He knew what I was talking about!   He told me he has a friend from church who had the surgery and lost a lot of weight.   Another thing off my "To Do" List: Ask for time off. Well - I didn't ask, I TOLD. :w00t:   Every time I tell someone, I expect a negative response. To date, the only negative response I have received was from my mother, who changed her mind eventually.   Today I spoke with the surgeon's office to discuss my PCP letter. I have two insurances, and the person on the phone patronizingly explained to me that MY insurance is my primary insurance and the insurance I have through my husband is SECONDARY....she said "...most women don't understand that." WOW!   Harummmpph. I have a word for her, it rhymes with witch....
d4lussier

d4lussier

1
 

The First Day of the Rest of My Life

I figured I'd start now...no need to wait until I have the surgery, right?   So I'm practicing:   30/30 - successful for all meals except dinner was 30/15 - I totally forgot!   Chewing well - Gosh until I started thinking about it I never realized how little I chewed my food!   I will work on these two behaviors for a week or so, then add eating in the correct order P/V/C (Protein, Veggies, Carbs).
d4lussier

d4lussier

4
 

Can you FAIL your Psyche Eval?

I think I just did!   In a nutshell, the question was "How often do you eat to the point where you are uncomfortable?"   Answer: Just about always!   Response: Hmmmm....that sounds like a diagnosis of Binge Eating Disorder. I don't know what the insurance company will say about this.   WAHHHHH....So I came home, jumped online and researched the definition of BED. I don't have most of the symptoms.   So now I sit on pins and needles until I get authorization from the insurance company I guess.   Ugh.
d4lussier

d4lussier

2
 

I Am Happy Sometimes When People are Wrong!

And today is one of those days.   Yes, the exercise lady was wrong. I DO NOT have to do 6 months of supervised exercise plan like she said. SO THERE!   :biggrin:   Tomorrow is Psyche Eval. I'd better get my head tidied up, someone is gonna be in there looking around. :thumbup:
d4lussier

d4lussier

2
 

Sudafed Head

Wow - if I need to stay awake, I know what to take! Sudafed!   Started coming down with a cold...took one of them. Stayed awake all night! Yikes!   So...can we take cold medicines post lap band?   Will I have to crush my other pills?   So many questions.   and since I slept all day, didn't call the dr's office to find out about the exercise mix-up.   Tomorrow is another day.
d4lussier

d4lussier

1
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