Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!
$99 Yearly Supply Alert! 🌈 "1 per Day!" Bariatric Multivitamins
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
  • entries
    3
  • comments
    15
  • views
    909

Entries in this blog

 

One year, three months later...

I'm not very good about this Blogging thing. It was so interesting to read over my thoughts as I was getting ready for surgery. I'm afraid I am skipping over quite a bit here, but I would like to post an update for anyone out there that may be interested.   So far, I have lost 106 pounds. I would like to lose 50-60 more, but I know I can do it. It is just going to take time, and one of the most important lessons I have learned about this journey is that time is going to pass anyway. I can be heavier or I can be lighter, but time is ticking by, regardless.   I have managed to move out of the "morbidly obese" category and into "mildly obese." As I have mentioned before, I am not a fan of that word, but I think it is important for me to face it, and the medical implications that it carries. I do have a long way to go, but it is really exciting to think about how far I have come.   My legs, knees and ankles don't hurt anymore. I can climb up the stairs without getting out of breath. When playing on the floor with my little girl, I can practically jump to my feet, rather than the 5 minute grunt-fest I used to endure. We walk, we hike, we swim, we ride bikes. And I actually ENJOY these things! It isn't painful anymore, it is actually fun.   I do not have a single regret about having this surgery. It took four fills for me to reach the level of restriction that I currently have. I am not able to eat bread, and I sometimes have trouble with rice, and tortillas are out of the question. However, I really don't miss them. I have not felt deprived. Although, this may not be the same advice you will get from your doctor, I never really looked at this as a diet. I eat pretty much what I want, but I only eat a tiny little bit of it. I am sure that this approach has slowed my progress on occasion, but, I am really ok with that. I feel so confident that I can live this life, and know that I am still moving in the right direction (1-2 lbs. lost a week.) I have had all the requisite blood work done, and I am getting all of my essential nutrients. I can't just eat boiled chicken and mushy green beans. If I am SLOW, and really CHEW my food like crazy, I can eat what I want. I can live with that.   Two more things I want to share. I can cross my legs - with ease!! It is the coolest thing. It makes me feel so slim. Also, I am sleeping through the night. No more sleep apnea. I did not realize how ridiculously tired I was, ALL THE TIME, because I was getting such poor sleep. I don't struggle to keep my eyes open while I am driving to work. I don't wake up with headaches. It is incredible. This new found energy is probably the best side effect of all.   I will try to be better about posting. I have some other musings that I have never posted, but are saved on my computer. I would like to get them up here as well. If you are reading this and are still wondering if LAP-BAND® is the right choice, I would be happy to talk to you! For me, it was the best decision I have ever made. Even though it is not fast, and it certainly is not easy, it is amazing.   Good luck on your journey!   Alissa:thumbup:
amceache

amceache

9
 

My thoughts before surgery (part two)

I saw Heidi last week and I can’t begin to tell you how incredible she looks. It’s not just the physical weight that she has dropped. She looks healthy. She looks happy. She was always beautiful, but now she is stunning – I mean jaw dropping, eyes popping out of your head striking. I would be a liar if I didn’t admit there was a touch of jealousy intermingled with my happiness for her. Could I possibly hope for what she has attained? Even just a little bit? I started having headaches again. I would wake up in the morning with these crushing headaches. I know it was because of my sleep apnea, which had gone away for a while when I was thinner. I was also thirsty all the time. Yikes, could likely be my blood sugar. That’s not good at all. Climbing the stairs was hard again. It’s crazy what 60 pounds can do to your joints. Don’t even get me started about playing on the floor with my baby, or even more ridiculous, getting up off the floor. I feel like I am 98 years old. It is pathetic. Then, I was reading in a magazine about how few women that are obese (I hate that word by the way, but I guess it is time to face the music, I am obese weather I like that word or not) are able to keep significant amounts of weight off for more than 5 years. The statistics are staggering, and more than little bit discouraging. Less than 5% of obese women that lose significant amounts of weight (50 lbs. or more) are able to keep it off for 5 years or longer. 5%. That’s one out of twenty people. And if you look at the statistics for 10 years or longer, the success rate falls even more. It really made me think, why bother? Then, as though God were sending me a sign, I read an article in the newspaper that very same day about gastric banding. It mentioned these same disappointing statistics. Then it said “bariatric surgery is the only proven effective treatment of obesity in the long run.” There is was, in black and white. The ONLY proven treatment. Right then and there I made my decision. I was going to do this. I started spending every moment that Ava was sleeping on the internet, looking for information about gastric banding. Even though Heidi has such wonderful results with gastric bypass, it did not seem like the right choice for me. I know I want to have more babies, and it seems that the band will allow me to eat a diet that is best able to support a healthy pregnancy. Obviously, that is a long way off right now, but it did factor into my thinking. I also had to face the face that I have know people that have died from that surgery. I just can’t go that route. I know that the band will be a slower weight loss option. I will be dealing with years rather than months of weight loss. However, there are benefits to a slower weight loss as well including better skin elasticity, less muscle loss, and less stress on your organs. Most importantly, the surgery is an outpatient procedure with a relatively easy recovery as compared the lengthy recovery gastric bypass requires. I have a 10-month-old baby. I can’t be down and out for weeks on end. Now, as I am nursing Ava to sleep at night, I try to visualize what my life will look like 100 pounds lighter. One of the fantasies I have is that I walk into a clothing store, like Talbotts or Chico’s and I can buy beautiful sale items right off the rack! And they look great! I also like to picture myself running, not anywhere in particular, but just running, and I never get out of breath. The daydream I was having today had me climbing the beautiful Rocky Mountains, and again, I could do it without pain in my knees and ankles, and without running out of breath. Now I know these are just fantasies, and they are not simply going to come true because I am able to visualize them. None of this is going to be easy, but at least I finally feel like it might actually be possible. I think that is the biggest difference in my state of mind right now. All the other times, even though I wanted to be successful very much, I never really believed, deep down, that I would be. Now I really do. I really do believe this is going to work for me. I think it will work for the same reasons I lost all that weight while I was pregnant. I was never hungry while carrying Ava. I could eat a few bites of whatever I wanted to and feel totally satisfied. I didn’t need to eat eight portions worth to feel full. That is the whole concept behind the band. I won’t be hungry all the time. Most importantly, I hope I can stop thinking about food all the time. I will make that transition from living to eat, to eating to live.
amceache

amceache

5
 

My thoughts before surgery (part one)

How did I let this happen again? I had lost nearly 60 pounds, and slowly but surely, the weight had reappeared. I say that as though it happened without my knowledge or consent. I guess it would be more appropriate to say I put the weight back on. I wear it around like a lead coat. It stifles me, it breaks me, it pains me. Yet, I have done this over and over and over for my whole life. All the fluffy girls reading this know exactly what I am talking about. As a collective, we have probably gained and lost the same 60 pounds a million times. I hate to think it is because I am lazy, or that it is because I have no will power. I know that’s what most people think when they look at me - that woman is a glutton. I suppose there is some truth to it. Although, if they knew how disheartening it is to reach a goal, only to have it taken away . . . wait, there I go again, acting like some invisible power caused this. I know I have to take responsibility. I did this to myself. It didn’t happen to me, I caused it. But could it be that I can’t help it? It may be my fault, but maybe I just need some help to be successful. I tried many different things to “help” but nothing worked in the end. Weight Watchers was great, and I certainly learned a great deal about what foods to eat, and what portion size I should be eating. I remember the first time I learned about the portion size for pasta and rice. I think I laughed out loud. I did lose weight, quickly at first, but I never could get past that 40 pound mark. I had such a long way to go, over 100 pounds, and stalling out at 40 pounds just threw me over the edge. And when I would cheat, I WOULD CHEAT. I think it is a great deal like being an alcoholic. If I had one drink, or in my case, bite, it was all over. Forget about moderation, or “Points” or whatever. Then getting back on the wagon was harder than ever. Again, I know, excuses, excuses. Nevertheless, that was my pattern. I even tried medication for a while. I went to my doctor and begged for help. I remember saying, “I think something must be wrong with me. Even when I am really good, for a really long time, I can’t seem to lose the weight I need to lose!” So she gave me Wellbutrin. It states clearly that it is a medication for depression that should not be taken by people with eating disorders. Well, at 300 pounds, isn’t it fair to say I had an eating disorder? 50 pounds later, gained, not lost, I decided to quit taking Wellburtin. It definitely took the edge off, and helped me realize that I probably have some anxiety issues to work on, but it certainly did not help me lose any weight. In fact, it just made me complacent. The end result, however, was that it did force me to recognize that I have an addiction to food. It forced me to recognize that there was not going to be an easy fix for me. That was a huge disappointment. So, this last bit of temporary weight loss came from a surprising turn of events. I was pregnant, and all of a sudden, food was not my first priority. Taking care of the little being inside me was the most important thing of all. Because I was so large, 355 to start the pregnancy, my doctor was very worried about gestational diabetes. I met with a dietician at the hospital, and I followed her directions to the letter. I cut back on carbs, no more orange juice, lots of fiber, plenty of protein. Well, compared to the fast food junk I had been living on up to that point, it was no surprise that I started to lose weight. All told, I gained 13 pounds through my pregnancy, but lost 35 immediately after my daughter was born. Then, the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life occurred. My dear little one came 6 weeks early and was critically ill. She had to stay in the NICU for nearly a month. For the very first time in my life, I did not turn to food for comfort. In fact, I could not stand the thought of eating a thing. Leaving the hospital without your baby is the most unnatural thing in the world. I felt like I was literally being torn apart. I remember, the night I was discharged from the hospital, my husband and I were walking across the parking lot, and I said, “I feel like I am forgetting something.” Then I broke down and bawled. I don’t think I quit crying for the rest of the evening. I had to pump every three hours because I was hoping to breast feed my baby. Since I wasn’t eating, there wasn’t any milk to pump. I didn’t figure this out for about three weeks, and was getting very discouraged. However, I did find it funny that every time I turned around, someone was trying to make me eat. It was the strangest thing! My father especially, who was such a champion for me during that time – driving me back and forth to the hospital – would always try to get me to eat. I just couldn’t do it. In the end I lost an additional 20 pounds, creating an ultimate weight loss of about 55 pounds at that point. Eventually, my beautiful baby did come home. She is the light of my life. Being her mother is what I have been waiting for. I know all mothers probably feel this way, but she is the most lovely creature I have ever seen. She spreads such joy everywhere we go! I feel so blessed to have a baby that can make even total strangers smile with glee. I continued to lose weight. Ava and I walked every day. All the climbing up and down the stairs with baskets of laundry didn’t hurt either. Breastfeeding did work out in the end, so I know that helped me shed a few pounds as well. All told, I lost over 60 pounds. Then, I had to go back to work. Summer was over, and I had to return to my job as a literacy specialist at an elementary school. I started eating again. It happened slowly, and I saw it happening, but I didn’t do anything about it. It was as though I could watch myself through someone else’s eyes, but I didn’t try to intervene. I just kept eating. WHY? I have thought about this a great deal, and I don’t have any good answers. Was I feeling guilty about taking my baby to daycare? Probably. Was I worn out and looking for comfort? Probably. Was I wishing for more consistent help from my husband? Probably. Are those good reasons to gain 60 pounds? Absolutely not. So here I am, obese again, trying to raise a well-adjusted girl in the United States. That is why I have made this decision. She is the reason I am going to be successful this time, even though I have been unsuccessful all the other times. I want to raise her, not watch her from the sidelines. I want to still be alive when she gets married and has beautiful babies of her own. I want to be able to chase her if she is getting into harms way. I will do this. So that brings us up to date. I have decided to have gastric banding, also known ad Lap-Band surgery. This simply has to work. I have to do the hard work to make it work. I am going to be successful at this! Several things happened to bring me to this decision. My good friend Heidi had gastric bypass surgery a little over a year ago. I mention this for several reasons. First of all, I love Heidi. I have always thought she was one of the most beautiful women I have ever met, even when she was heavy. Second, Heidi has always reminded me of myself. We were both women of faith, school teachers, intelligent, opinionated and well-read. I hold her in the highest esteem and respect her immensely. When Heidi told me she was going to have gastric bypass surgery, I was so excited for her. She had followed a path similar to mine, struggled with her weight all her life, tried all the commercially available programs, all to no avail. I was a bit worried of course, especially because I had just heard about another person I knew that had died from complications from bypass surgery. I started thinking about the notion of never being able to eat gluttonous amounts of food again. I thought about not being able to drink a can of soda pop. I thought about eating only Dixie Cup sized potions. Yuck. That was not for me. Not only that, it scared me.   (continued in part two)
amceache

amceache

1
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

PatchAid Vitamin Patches

Bariatric Forums

For Patients

Health Professionals

Search Surgeons

Bariatric Surgeons: Want to research a weight loss surgery surgeon? Enter their last name below to start!

×