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CAR ACCIDENT!

Okay, got my car smashed, rear ended on way to gym at freeway offramp light...back hurts, going to bed...did well on diet today.
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

1
 

August 5th Fiesta Party - will I be thin yet?

:mad: My fill hasn't restricted me but I'm trying to eat just bits because where I'm from we have Fiesta once a year and celebrate Old Spanish Days. It is very important to us hispanics in my community. I recently ran into one of my old friends from a fraternity my 1st love was in - Q-dogz Omega Psi Phi! My first love was soooo sweet to me and we stayed in touch for about 10 years before finally losing touch. He invited me to a Fiesta Party where all the old peeps from our group will be there - including some Kappa's, Sigma and Alpha's. It would really be nice to see some of them including one of the Delta girls I was really good friends with when I was younger. I haven't seen anyone since my mid-twenties and when I was a size 7/9. I really hope I lose a lot of weight b4 then, I don't want everyone to be like "DAAAMMMMn girl, you blew up!". LOL....we'll see. I'm gonna work out every day this week. Crossing my fingers.
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

3
 

Personal Trainer

Okay, today I decided why not invest in a personal trainer. I have spent thousands already doing this but I always get discouraged and quit because while I was exercising regularly, I never changed the way I eat so the results were always minimal if any. This time, hopefully will be different. I signed up for twice a week workouts. This first one was a doozy..I was pouring sweat (which is a good sign). I will continue to swim on the weekends because I adore swimming, I am a FISH.
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

2
 

I have restriction!

Woo Ha! Ding, Ding, Ding! - I can only eat small meals and I am full - THIS is what having a Lap Band is about. Wow! I like:p
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

1
 

Might have a hole in my band

Got fill yesterday and the Dr. told me that he is concerned because when he went to give me fill in my band he only pulled out a very small amount of previous fill of 1.5 cc. When he gave me that one, he said it was bone dry. He gave me 2 cc and told me he thinks maybe I have a hole in my band that was punctured during surgery. When I go back in 4 weeks he wants to see how much is left in band from this fill so he can decide what to do next. Really hoping it's not a hole because then it will have to be replaced :eek:   I had gained back 2 pounds since last time I got a fill so hopefully I will feel tighter this time.
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

2
 

I'm a Drug addict, I'm a loser

I really don't know why I am sabotaging my body. I know better, I really do. I was a drug addict before many years ago and was clean for a long time. However, over the last few months I have sniffed a few lines here and there and also have taken ectasy. I took FOUR ecstasy pills yesterday. I love the feeling of "feeling" different. I used to use food as my drug and now it seems I am getting cravings for other things too. I also have an OTC sleeping pill addition to. I sometimes have to take 4 tylenol pm's or equivelant to go to sleep at night. This overwhelming feeling of wanting to change my reality over boredom is REALLY, REALLY horrible. I pray for hours on end for forgiveness. I don't want to die. I have everything to live for, a great job, a WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL son & daughter. I love God. I know it is going against him to defile my body, but somehow, that is not enough. I have no self-control or will power, I will cave in a minute. The crazy thing about this is I have been exercising like a mad woman to "help my body". Just want to be a normal 34 year old woman. Why do I feel like I am still a 19 year old living in a 34 year old body? My son recently moved to live with my parents because he wants to finish high school in the town we are from. My daughter is in Pittsburgh with her biological mother (I am her step-mother) and I have nothing stopping me or helping me in my will power. No, it's not an every day thing, it is an every few weeks thing. But I DID do lines 2 weeks post op and I was so worried about hurting my band, but did that stop me? NO! I am such a mess. This took a lot to write this down and strip myself naked but I can't keep living a lie.
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

5
 

Depression - Ups and Downs

I'm so sad. Life has so many obstacles. Sometimes I feel I just can't do it anymore. Why can't I be normal? I hate being bi-polar. I'm so up and down. Medicine makes me get fat which makes me sadder. Go for a fill tomorrow. Maybe I'll get restriction and it will make me feel better.
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

2
 

Weight is moving again

Got on scales and weight is moving again. It was stuck for a while. I lost 10, then gained back 3, then lost 4 so now I am down 11 lbs. I go for my first fill today!
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

2
 

I'm Banded Now - Let the new me begin!

Flew into Puerto Vallarta, beautiful city but didn't see much the 1st day. Was met by Natalia, Dr. Joya's Asst at airport. Taken immediately to the hospital, blood tests done, met Dr., surgeon's assistants and anestesiologist. I was put at ease immediately, all of the doctors were VERY nice and offered to answer any questions I had. Dr. Joya felt my abdomen and said "good, it's very soft, will make surgery very easy".   Next, I was Hooked up to IV and started on fluids, this helped with the hunger a tiny bit, was still ravenous though. I had not eaten any food since 12 pm the previous day - that was over 30 hours, NO FOOD, only some sips of water and decaf coffee the next morning before plane took off. Surgery done about 2 hrs later and lasted approximately 45 minutes long.   Woke up in recovery room with some mild pain in my abdomen. After recovering there for a while I was wheeled into my room. They told me surgery went well and that my liver was normal size so no complications there. I braced myself for the infamous gas pain that everyone talks about - it never came! The only pain I had was the incision pain. Now, my stomach was VERY bloated from the gas, however, I did not have any gas pain in my shoulder or anywhere. This may have been because I went to the bathroom A LOT before surgery, or, because I did not eat anything for over 24 hours before surgery.   The negatives - What I did not like about the care at the hospital was that after I woke up from surgery, I COULD NOT SLEEP. I complained about 5 times to the nurses and they would give me something for pain, but that's not what I needed and that did not help me sleep. They said they would call the Dr. but I don't think they did. They then gave me two pills but the didn't work either. Basically, I was awake from 10 pm and walked the halls until FINALLY I fell asleep for 2 hours at 4 am. This really irritated me because I was sooo tired but could not fall asleep and I really wanted my body to be able to rest after surgery. The night nurses you could tell they were getting irritated as when I rang the buzzer when I tried to go to sleep and couldn't and would ask for something to go to sleep with, they came in looking like they just woke up and would be like "si, si" and then wouldn't come back again until I buzzed them the next hour.   I also had a hard time peeing after surgery. That may be perhaps because they put a catheter in after I was asleep?? However, I would just have to sit on the toilet and kind of "push" my pee out. That has lasted through today....   A couple of hours before check out they brought me 2 cups of apple juice and some ice and water. I took slow slips and had no problems keeping anything down.   Oh, let me describe the room in the hospital: Beautiful! Had my own private room and bathroom/shower. Hospital bed VERY comfortable. Very cute, stylish and colorful couch and chair in the room. Flat screen tv and remote. Marble floors. The entire hospital was pretty it was called The Cornerstone Hospital in PV.   Check out time came and Natalie the Dr's Asst came and gave me all the paperwork, receipts, box for band etc. She drove me to the hotel, speedily checked me in and I was off to my room. (Room was VERY nice) Marble floors, open sliding glass doors and balcony and was right on the beach so I could sit outside and look at the ocean. I included some pictures of the resort and hotel below.       View from room:     I pretty much slept off and on that day, drank some broth, juice and water, etc. - The next day I woke up and decided to bravely go downtown to buy some souveniers. It was a 10 minute cab ride and yes, I was in a bit of pain when he was bumping over the cobblestoned streets but I made it. I walked around holding my tummy and hobbled along, at one point a stor worker said "Oh, you having a baby?" I just nodded and laughed to myself not bothering to correct him. My stomach was sooo bloated I looked about 5 mo's along and I couldn't blame anyone with the way I was holding my tummy or walking along to think that - too funny, any other time I would have been insulted!     Shopped and bought some blankets, windchimes, art, and a good bottle of tequila for my husband. After about an hour I caught a cab and took a nap for 2 hours then woke up and headed for the airport. (I decided to check out a day early because even though the resort was nice, I missed my bed and I missed my AMERICAN TV, lol!).   At the airport after getting out of the cab and I asked for a wheelchair as I was wore out and sore and didn't want to drag my luggage around. This turned into be a great idea as I was whisked through customs and immigration and becauase I had a first class ticket back to LAX (TOTALLY WORTH IT ON THE WAY HOME BY THE WAY - IF YOU CAN AFFORD TO UPGRADE TO 1ST CLASS, DO IT, WILL MAKE THE FLIGHT BACK HOME SO MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE!)   All in all, it feels great to have had this done. Have not got on scale yet, will probably wait a few day. At home, feeling sore but good. Body healing, eating jello, broth, juice, popsicles.   Oh, I keep getting an uncomfortable painful shooting feeling in my diaphragh area and it lasts for a few seconds every once in a while after I swallow something, then goes away.   Hope this helps anyone thinking of going to Mexico, so far, I highly recommend Dr. Joya....
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

5
 

Love, Drugs, Crime and Salvation - I'm proud of where I am now

today i decided to actually write down what i have been through and how i've overcomed so i can see that i really, really have overcome some hard times and being overweight and getting healthy is my next hurdle to overcome.   I started supporting myself and working at 14, I was fiercly independent. Had a loving family, however, they were very strict religiously and me being the oldest of 3 girl, I was often severly punished, borderline abusive. I decided to get my own apartment with a friend of mine, had already bought my 1st car and ran away from home at 16 (actually, just left a note saying I wasn't coming back and told them where to find me if they needed me and they chose to let me stay on my own).   Was very, very wild, did everything I never was allowed to do at home. Drank, slept around, experimented with drugs....Met my 1st husband at 17, married him about a year later when I was 4 mo's pregnant. Had my darling baby boy at 18 and vowed to show him so much love he wouldn't know what to do with it.   Unfortunately, my husband started to abuse alcohol and crack cocaine and once I figured this out, it was too late. When he was high he would hit me, throw things at me, strangle me, do so many humiliating things that after trying to leave him for years I finally succeeded. Stayed in battered womens shelter with baby till i could find place of my own.   Husband continued to stalk me and anyone I dated he would beat up or intimidate them. Starting coming to my job threatening to kill me and to kill my co-workers and company got police involved and he began to chill out. Then he started again, calling me telling me he new where I lived and was going to shoot up my house or bomb it. Finally, he went to jail.   I moved home for a while, but my religious parents kicked me out of the house because I would go hang out with friends or go to the club and drink with my friends. Once they kicked me out (they kept my child, which I didn't fight at the time, because I was so tired and trampled I just wanted to worry about me for a while - which was horrible, selfish and completely unfair to my baby but I was 21 and stupid).   My life became all about drinking and going clubbing all the time, left child a lot with parents. Started to get my shit together at 22 then went to prison for a year because of drug smuggling for the Jamaican mafia (don't ask!?!) an airplane with a 100 lbs of weed (stooopid choice). I had had a job and everything but my partying and care of my son was cutting into my budget and I insanely thought I could get away with doing this outrageous act! Prison was so difficult as I was in a city where I knew no one and I DESPERATELY missed my child and was so ashamed of what I had done. I had never even had a ticket and it was such a crazy time in my life.   I got out of prison and got my child back, got on welfare, got section 8 housing. Soon I found a a job paying $7 hr it was very difficult because I tried to be honest at first on applications asking if I had ever been convicted of a felony. Then, I got a better job paying about $15 hr. I was able to get off welfare and get my own apartment no longer on public housing at 25.   Then life came crashing down around me again. The company I was working for got shut down and I stupidly started selling crack (another great decision) then I started doing it myself! How could I do this after seeing my ex-husband and so many friends become so sad and drug addicted and lose any semblance of the person they were before? Why on earth would I do that to my child after having already went to jail and stay away from him for a year? Why would I take a risk like that? I have so, so much guilt and anguish over this and to this day I apologize to my son on the regular. My only guess is that I had not yet been diagnoed with being bi-polar and I was making crazy, crazy decisions with horrible repercussions. So, eventually I was addicted and spent a year doing crack, trying to hide it from my friends and family. It was the worst year of my life. I woke up one day and prayed to God for help, I just knew I couldn't do this to my son or myself.   I quit cold turkey, and at 26 moved to new city with my child where my best friend was. She helped me greatly I love her and we are friends to this day (since high school!)   Eventually, I met a man that was a few years younger then me and got into relationship with him that was full of ups and downs, hot and cold and I was so in love with him. I had dreams of marrying him one day, unfortunately, he did not love me as much as he loved his burgeoning rap career and his record label and his groupies (imagine that!) this relationship ended abruptly after a few years, worst heart break of my life, some of the worst pain I had ever felt and ate until I got fat.   I then worked my up from a customer service position to doing sales for this .dotcom company. Eventually, I was making $50,000 a year - I thought this was sooo much money, and for me, it really was. I was finally able to really take care of me and my son the way I always wanted to.   Fast forward to 29, met love of my life, he proposed after 3 mo's and got married 3 mo's later (now getting even fatter). At 31 I decided I wanted more of a challenge and felt I could make even more money and there was really no where to grow at my job. I applied, interviewed and was hired at another .dotcom and this has been my employer for the last 3 years. I now make around $120,000 + a year. ME, I did it, I actually made a success out of my life after all of that.   I also bought my first house at 33... all this and never graduated from high school and never went to college, grew up in a poor burt loving family - beans and rice and top a ramen were normal meals.   I was also sexually molested, me and my sisters were by a family friend for years when were were young, but that is another story. I was raped several times in teens and early twenties, yet, i still moved forward.   Now 34, married almost 4 years (still in love), son is 15, raised a great, smart, loving, moral MAN and raising a lovely young 16 yr old step-daughter whom i adore. i'm loyal to my friends, and my husband. i'm smart, funny and will be pretty again once i lose 60 l bs. I CAN DO THIS! Oh, yeah and now I quit smoking which I have been trying to do since I was 17!   Sometimes you actually have to write down and look at things in your life to learn from them, let go of them and forgive yourself.   I'm so glad all of this is ANONYMOUS!
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

3
 

Restriction disappearing

Restriction started disappearing a few days ago. Although, I am still a LOT more restricted then I was before the last fill. Gonna go for another fill next week.
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

2
 

pre-op diet

Going well with the low fat low carb diet now. I'm actually not feeling as hungry lately due to smaller portions I've been eating, think my body is getting used to it :clap2:   On Monday I start my liquid diet for the next two weeks till surgery, can't believe it is almost here.   I notice that I want to sleep sooo much more cuz I just want to wake up and have it be another day closer to my surgery. I hope I'm not being naive by thinking I will be so much happier. I would love to have self-control consistently...hopefully my band will help me do that.
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

1
 

1st Fill - Yipee!

Got first fill today 1.5cc. It was a piece of cake! Also got a B-12 shot. The best news is that I am down 14 lbs!!!!!!
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

2
 

Exercise - I'm in Da House!

Ooohhh, I feel soooo good. I can exercise now! I have been swimming, doing cardio and taking my dogs for long walks for the last 3 days.   Hubby is so loving and sweet, sees the effort I'm making and brought me home flowers today!
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

1
 

doin the damn thang!

okay so i have quit smoking for 7 days (had 2 cigs midway thru but not counting those, lol) seven days since i was a smoker of Newports, ugghhh! battling that for the last 17 years... i really feel good. also have been doing VERY good with pre-op diet last few days it is HARD but i have my eye on the prize and i am not gonna try and not fuck up as much as i can so i can hopefully lose some weight b4 surgery and have my liver be cool...
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

2
 

My Negative Thoughts

I posted this yesterday and had such loving, great feedback, for the first time I think it really sunk in that this is a SUPPORT sight and I love everyone   "   :help: So, after I have ballooned to a size where I look in the mirror and am so saddened to see this formerly (I thought) attractive lady look like a good year blimp. :omg: Can't fit into any of my clothes, have double chin, no waist anymore, etc. I have heel spurs, back pain, and no energy. Finally after lots of research and exhausted tries at getting my insurance to pay for surgery, decide to get lap band. I then elect to pay for surgery, scheduled date for the 26th of this month, etc.   To have optimum results, and speedy recovery I KNOW I have to quit smoking, I KNOW I should be doing pre-op diet, however I have ABSOLUTELY NO SELF-CONTROL. I do good for a few days, then blow it, smoke a cigarette (i'm not a big smoker to begin with but I have been trying to quit for month's sometimes 3 - 4 days no smoke, then bam, 2 in one day) I went no cigarette this time for 5 days, then bam, today bought a pack, smoked two and just now threw whole pack in garbage and poured water on them.   Also, for only ONE day I did liquids. Did okay yesterday second day, then came home and had a BOWL full of brown rice with chedder cheese, butter, green beans and then a chocolate bar (I'm a vegetarian so this is like my favorite meal):hungry: Then today, I say okay, back on the horse, drink liquids and protein shakes for breakfast and lunch, then bam, I'm starving so eat a little macaroni and cheese from a fast food place.   I am so miserable and so upset that I'm wondering, if I can't control myself now even for a few days, how can I possibly be successful with the band? Am I such a loser that I will be the one person who only loses 10 lbs and that's it and I will have flushed almost $10 g's down the drain?   How do I stick to anything if I fall for everything????   My friend at work says she doesn't get how I can manage to always hit lofty sales goals and quotas, yet the simplest lifestyle change that I need to do, I fail miserably....She (a size 4, lol) says Alysha, Your probably setting yourself up for failure because you love bread and cheese too much to ever give it up.   Am I a fool for desperately wanting to believe in the band and that when I get hungry I will not shove toxic waste down my pie hole????" ________________
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

2
 

Nix to the new biz idea

Naw, I didn't like the way the airbrush tan looked on my feet and other areas and started fading away blotchily after 3 days. Still on my pursuit for new biz.
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

1
 

10 lbs gone forever

I have lost 10 lbs in seven days. I am so happy. I'm starting a new business to. Mobile airbrush sunless tanning, like Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson and Paris all do. Beginning stages, this looks like fun!
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

1
 

The Pain of being a Vegetarian

:hungry: I really wish I could eat meat, I really do. I'm so scared of it. It repulses me. Sometimes it smells good, but I just can't. I feel if I did eat it then it would kick start my metabolism and I would eat so many less carbs. I am still on pre-op diet but I'm reflecting on what got me here. I am really looking forward to the band and not being able to eat bread and pasta anymore, due to what I here about the dreaded PB's. I think that alone would keep me from doing it, but who knows what the dreadful mind will do? Well, 4 days to LB surgery...I wish I would wake up and tomorrow would be the day...
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

3
 

Take it easy day

Today I am staying home because of my accident, going to lay low, but EAT WELL, here goes my first glass of water...
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

1
 

THIRTY SOMETHING THREAD

Just started a thirty something thread...I wanted to start meeting people in my age bracket so we can get to know each other - I need friends! LOL   Also, I'd like to be able to look at the weight loss and issues that people close to my age have, think there might be some merit there.
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

1
 

Took BEFORE Pix anyway

I sure as hell hope I look much better then this soon, doing this was a REALITY check my double chin and stomach are sooo gross, I used to be sooo hot! I woke up to this!   Pictures removed for privacy issues 07/23/06   I USED TO LOOK LIKE THIS!  
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

1
 

June Gone For Good Club Scorecard I will be Updating

Points earned for Rule 1 For each day that you drink a minimum of 64oz of water, you earn 1 point. You may earn a bonus of 5 points for a perfect week.   5-31_____6-01_____6-02_____6-03_____6-04_____6-05_____6-06_____6-07_____ Bonus____Week's Total__0___ 6-08___1__6-09_____6-10_____6-11_____6-12_____6-13_____6-14_____ Bonus____Week's Total__1___ 6-15_____6-16_____6-17_____6-18_____6-19_____6-20_____6-21_____ Bonus____Week's Total_____ 6-22_____6-23_____6-24_____6-25_____6-26_____6-27_____6-28_____ Bonus____Week's Total_____ Grand Total_______   Points earned for Rule 2 For each day that you exercise for a minimum of 30 minutes, you earn 2 points. You may earn a bonus of 5 points for a perfect week.   5-31_____6-01_____6-02_____6-03_____6-04_____6-05_____6-06_____6-07_2____ Bonus____Week's Total_____ 6-08_____6-09_____6-10_____6-11_____6-12_____6-13_____6-14_____ Bonus____Week's Total_____ 6-15_____6-16_____6-17_____6-18_____6-19_____6-20_____6-21_____ Bonus____Week's Total_____ 6-22_____6-23_____6-24_____6-25_____6-26_____6-27_____6-28_____ Bonus____Week's Total_____ Grand Total_______   Points earned for Rule 3 For each day that you do not eat foods that contain flour or sugar, you earn 3 points. (sugar substitutes are allowed) You may earn a bonus of 5 points for a perfect week.   5-31_____6-01_____6-02_____6-03_____6-04_____6-05_____6-06_____6-07_____ Bonus____Week's Total__1___ 6-08__1___6-09_____6-10_____6-11_____6-12_____6-13_____6-14_____ Bonus____Week's Total_____ 6-15_____6-16_____6-17_____6-18_____6-19_____6-20_____6-21_____ Bonus____Week's Total_____ 6-22_____6-23_____6-24_____6-25_____6-26_____6-27_____6-28_____ Bonus____Week's Total_____ Grand Total_______   Points earned for Weight loss   For each pound that you lose during the challenge, you earn 1 point   Beginning weight 5-31: Weigh-in weight 6-7: 3lbs Weigh-in weight 6-14: Weigh-in weight 6-21: Weigh-in weight 6-28: Total lost during challenge:   Total points earned for Rule 1: Total points earned for Rule 2: Total points earned for Rule 3: Total points earned for weight loss:   Total Challenge points earned:
BeacheeGirl

BeacheeGirl

1
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