This is the start of day 3 for me. I gotta say liquid diets are horrible. I've been really good, I didn't even cheat yesterday when I went out with coworkers after work. I could have totally made excuses but I know how important making the right decisions are at this point.
I bought some Slimfast "Low Carb" because it has 20g of protein. Not bad, but not good either. I also bought some protein powder from a local grocery store. I have had chocolate w/ banana...yummy and vanilla with pineapple, strawberry, and oj....very yummy. I guess this liquid diet wouldn't be so bad if I could have those all day, but as a teacher I don't have the time or the equipment during the day. Oh well.
The hardest part is the no chewing. I really miss that right now. And my caffiene headaches...ouch. I actually went to bed around 8 pm last night. I had a migraine and the chills. Again I knew that I was in misery for a reason, all the bad decisions I have made over my life. Now I was paying the price. But the good news is this hell will only last a few days. If I had kept making bad decisions that hell would have lasted much, much longer.
For the person who asked if I had insurance already approved....sadly my insurance doesn't cover this at all. I am doing self-pay, which means a lot of pre-work is cut out. I only have to do pre-op blood work, etc. That day is on the 22nd. Then surgery on the 28th. The funny thing is the 28th seemed so close, but now on liquids only that date is sooooo far away.
I knew last week that my insurance does not cover any type of weight loss program, surgery, nutrition supplements, etc. Nor do they cover any additional medical costs arising from the above. That information was hard to hear. I'm thinking I could (and probably will) develop all these health related issues that could be reduced or eliminated by this surgery, but you don't cover it. No wonder family insurance rates are at $900 a month!
I applied to a finance company that deals with medical costs and found out today that I was approved for the full amount that I would need, $16,500.
In one respect I'm ecstatic. I can finally take some control back in my life. On the other hand though I'm scared to death. Is this the right time to take on that much debt? How can I ask my family to sacrifice, so I can take the "easy" way out. Couldn't I just do the same thing, albeit a slower pace, without the surgery. I'm going to have to learn to eat right, control my snacking, exercise more anyway, why add to our overall debt as well?
I then think that if making those decisions were so easy for me I wouldn't be 270+ pounds now would I? This surgery will help to start the process of learning self-control that I'm so sorely lacking at this point.
I also wonder if since I'm a control freak in everything else in my life, if letting my weight and eating habits get out of control isn't one way that I let myself not be a control freak. And that by second guessing about the right thing to do, I'm once again looking for a way to not be in control of something that I totally need to be.
I just know that having the knowledge that I can choose to move forward if I want to means that today is the first day of the rest of my life. Where I go from here is all my choice. I can choose life or I can choose a slow, painful, and ugly death. I can choose to take control of an aspect of my life that I have turned my back on or I can choose to be the miserable failure that I am currently. (Okay that last part was a bit extreme, but you haven't seen me naked in a mirror - lol).
I went to my consultation today. I stood at the door for about a minute knowing that once I walked through them there would be no turning back. I took a deep breath and then walked through the doors to my new life.
I met with Dr. Malley, he explained the risks, how the surgery would go, etc. He asked if I had any questions. I only had a few. His last question was how soon did I want to do this. Since I don't like putting off the inevitable, nor did I want to put off the date just to have more time to eat the food that got me into this position I said the sooner the better. He said "Okay, let's do it." He sent a nurse in to look at dates with me. She said the had a cancellation for the 28th and did I want that date.
Are you kidding me? Surgery, 13 days from now? I knew I wanted surgery sooner rather than later, but that soon? I thought about it for like a millisecond and said YES!!
I could have said no. I could have given myself more time to have more freedom to do that final junk food "binge," for lack of a better word. I knew that I had to take charge of my life and start saying no to bad choices and yes to good choices. So I said yes.
So here's to the next month of a new kind of eating (if it can be called that...lol) and to a new kind of thinking. Here's to a new me!
