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About this blog

My journey toward my Castle in the Sky: a healthier me and ditching my scooter and walking up to Cinderella's Castle--at which point I will be on cloud 9! The myth of reaching the castle in the sky will become my reality![

Entries in this blog

 

Wow what a week!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Things are happening fast right now! I know that after this week though I will be in a hurry up and wait mode for the rest of the summer.     I went back to the Weight Loss Center on Monday (yesterday) and had my weigh in. I had the extra 5 pounds that I needed and made the 40 BMI that I had to hit! A lot of water, coffee, big breakfast and a little more help (darn, forgot to empty my pockets!) and I even had a pound to spare! Then after I ran to pee, I took the computerized evaluation and met with the nutritionist.   Today I called a Weight Loss Center that is actually owned by one of the Doctors. I need a "certified exercise professional" for my insurance 3 mo. program. They said I could be seen immediately so I threw on shoes and a bra and headed over there to find out what they could do. This place is really pretty cool. A very personalized and medically supervised Weight Loss center with prices that seem reasonable (by diet center standards). I decided to sign up for 10 weeks of one hour long group exercise classes. They assured me that it will be able to be adapted to my physical limitations--basically I will sit in a chair. I certainly would prefer to workout with trainers that are familiar with working with obese people and special physical limitations. And certainly I prefer a workout class with others of "my size", not those little skinny, leotard wearing girls with the perfect makeup and bouncy ponytails.   They also have a store of protein shakes and drinks and soups and puddings etc... I bought a few things to try. This place really seems like a great program to go with the banding. And if I am not approved by my insurance then I will probably look at the rest of their services.   So I get home and there is a message on my machine that the Dr. has reviewed my chart and he has approved me to go forward! So I call and the one on one appointment with him is set for Friday. I called and got my Psych Evaluation set for Thursday.   PHEW! In one week I will have met with the nutrionist, set up my physical activity, met with the psych, and with the surgeon. Then it is just waiting while I have 3 monthly visits with my PCP and 2 more with the dietician and do the 3 mo. weight loss program.   And DH is so sweet. I tried to make the surgeon appt for a Friday afternoon when he is off work, but the office closes early on Friday. But DH is going to just take off of work and come with me anyway.
WDW Luver

WDW Luver

1
 

The Thrill of Victory, the Agony of The Feet

Well my last personal hurdle in making this decision was just cleared. I met with my podiatrist and asked him flat out if this would help my feet. He said that it absoutely would and he supports this 100% percent! :w00t: That is what I needed to know to put me at 100% on this decision, and also to make my husband feel more comfortable.   He also gave me a shot of cortisone and anesthetic to help me along for a few weeks. I HATE shots, but he did a good job and I didn't feel it.     So now it is really all up to the insurance. I called the WLS center today and tried to get clarification on if Aetna will deny me if I haven't been at 40 BMI for 2 years. They didn't know. I am going to call the insurance company again tomorrow and see if I can get anyone to answer my question. One simple question and I can't get a very easy yes or no. I guess maybe that is good that I can't just get a flat out no. I can't get my records copied from my PCP until next week.   I have been eating everything in site in order to put on the 5 pounds I need before I reweigh. Never thought I would be so happy to have Easter candy in the house! I feel bloated and gross though. I want to weigh in , make the 40 BMI and then get the extra 5 off!
WDW Luver

WDW Luver

2
 

Short one today

Not feeling very prophetic today. I was going to talk about the pros and cons and all that has been going on in my head. But I have a headache so I have pushed it all to the back for today.   I weighed nekkid again this morning and am showing 2 pounds more than yesterday. I feel rather today. This idea of trying to GAIN weight for the first time in my life is just so foreign and I really feel kind of miserable. I was all prepared to start a weight loss journey and show that I could really work on my eating habits. Instead I am going the other way! I did find out that my tennis shoes weigh more than my hiking boots. But a roll of quarters weighs less than one pound. That Weight Watchers digital scale is coming in really handy right now! I am also concerned that my insurance may require me to have been at 40 BMI for 2 years in order to qualify. No one can really tell me for sure. Boy would it suck to gain the 5 pounds and still not qualify.   So we went out to my favorite Mexican place for dinner. I had my usual Enchiladas, hopefully for the last time! (DARN! I should have taken a picture of them!) But I took a long time to look over the menu and see what I might order if I am banded. They have several chicken dishes that looked very promising. And I realized that even the shredded chicken filling of the enchiladas would probably be good. I figure that chicken fajita meat would probably also be good--theirs is very tender.     I am so full now that I may have a preband PB! Somehow I don't think that is anything I need to practice.:w00t:
WDW Luver

WDW Luver

1
 

Question: Mindset of band as a tool vs. THE fix

I have been reading all over these forums. One thing that I keep reading is people concerned about the "fill" of their band and getting restriction. I have read many posts that the band must not be working because they can "eat all they want", or "eat anything with no problems" and so they aren't losing the weight. So the band isn't helping and they need to have it fixed.   This seems to me to go against the idea that the band is a tool. Sure, we want to have a comfortable restriction that facilitates the loss and makes us less hungry so things are easier. But no matter what the band is doing it is still up to us to eat healthy and sensible. Just because we CAN eat all we want, or anything, doesn't mean we should.   I guess I am just getting the idea that some are relying too much on the band to do all the work instead of as a tool to help the process. Am I misunderstanding?   I need to understand where my mind needs to be with this. I would appreciate any insite.
WDW Luver

WDW Luver

3
 

Pre Op Diet, day 3

I haven't killed anyone yet. :thumbup:   Today was a challenge. I went on a field trip with DD's 3rd grade class that included taking lunch. I am trying to substitute at least one meal with a protien shake. So I had Go Lean oatmeal for breakfast, brought an oat muffin for snack and packed a Protien Shake and thermos with cold water and ice. I learned my first valuable lesson about protien shakes-- just because the container will hold 16 oz of water, doesn't mean you have enough room to add the entire shake packet and shake to dissolve. :thumbup: I started by adding just a little of the powder hoping I could just mix it slowly. NOPE! Big mess. I just gave up. So for lunch I had my muffin and water.   Here is where the challenge came in. I went directly from there to help out at other DD's school. Cleaning up from the Teacher Appreciation Luncheon. I got there just in time for the volunteers to eat.:ohmy: I resisted. They they tried to convince me that I had to try one of the cupcakes, made by a renowned pastry chef. She is one of our parents and I have really wanted to try her stuff. But you know what? Nothing tastes as good as thin feels. I resisted again. I took some home for my kids and I will admit that I had a small taste of the icing and a nibble of the cake just to see if they were THAT good. They were!   I dumped my failed shake in the blender, added the rest of the powder and some ice and had that for snack instead.   Tomorrow night I am going to a girl scout pot luck. This dieting thing would be so much easier if I had no life.:sad: But I can't put everything on hold so I guess I have to work through it. My plan is to have my protien shake (premade!) for dinner and enjoy some veggies from the veggie tray that should be there.   Here's hoping I can get through each day and the challenges thrown my way.:thumbup:
WDW Luver

WDW Luver

1
 

My First Entry

So I get a blog here? I have never blogged before. Hmmmmm, I do love to talk so maybe this is a good thing. Does anyone read these things?     Well, who am I? 39 year old SAHM mom, that has my own Travel Agency at home, and substitute teaches when I can. Active in the PTA and other organizations my kids are involved in. I have an amazing, patient and loving husband and 2 daughters, 13 and 9. Teen girl attitude has invaded my house.:wub:   Oh, and I am overweight. Apparently not just overweight, OBESE. God I hate that word. It has to be one of the grossest, most ugly words in the world. I actually prefer just FAT over obese. I have been fighting this fat for 20 years. I am not even sure how I got here. I guess a combination of some emotional issues from childhood, and a lot of bad choices. I hate to exercise. But I also hate to sit still. I love to go places and do things. Come on! Let's go to the park or a museum, or for a walk, or to the beach, or shopping or. . .   I have tried it all. Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers (3x), Jenny Craig (even worked there!), Atkins, South Beach, Slimfast, Dr Phil, Oprah, and all sorts of crazy stuff I came up with on my own. The weight comes off but not much before I give up. Then it all comes back on and brings extra with it.   About 6 years ago I started having problems with my feet. Heel Spurs? Bone Spur? Plantar Fasciitis? I got several different diagnosis and treatments. Stay off your feet, use crutches etc... Things got a bit better for a year or two but then the pain came back. I found a great podiatrist and with stretching and ice and cortisone shots I had some relief. But each time it came back it was worse than before. Finally I had exhausted all conservative treatments and the pain was so bad that I couldn't walk at all without horrible pain. Surgery was next. One simple procedure, a few days recovery and I would be back on my feet. Didn't happen. Things got much worse. I was now confined to a wheelchair to leave my house. Just walking from the couch to the bathroom was excruciating and I would cry the entire trip.   Time for Surgery #2. More intensive but will fix it and you will be pain free. Nope. Didn't work. Well, I guess it did some. I could get around the house on my feet for a few minutes without the horrible pain. But still needed a wheelchair when I was out. By now it had been nearly 2 years with this pain and I had gone from active and always on the go to sitting on the couch not going anywhere. Of course depression set in. And with no activity and depression eating the weight got higher. I finally decided I was done sitting around my house and we found a used scooter that allows me to at least be independent and get out of the house. 38 and using a scooter.:tt2:   My first podiatrist and I parted ways amicably. I was still in tons of pain and he wanted me to see someone else that had been in the field longer. New doctor and on to surgery #3! Still recovering 7 months later and still in pain. But all along I have been told that loosing weight would make the most difference. I did lose 20 pounds last year, but it made no difference. So of course I gave up and gained it back, along with its friends.   So here I sit at 228 pounds. Feet are in so much pain that I can only stand or walk for about 5 minutes. You would think that the idea that this is what I am facing the rest of my life would be the kick in the pants to make me change my eating habits and lose the weight and keep it off. So why doesn't it.   Hmm, this was a lot to read for one sitting. I will stop here and continue later. This last week has been a whirlwind of emotions, research and revelations. I will discuss that in the next entry.
WDW Luver

WDW Luver

5
 

Like my Self Esteem needed this!

I bought a Wii Fit this last weekend. I figured that even if I can't exercise now I can show that I am willing to make an effort and have a plan in place for when I am able to exercise.   WHO INVENTED THIS MALICIOUS TORTURE DEVICE?     I plunked down nearly 100 dollars of my DH's hard earned money on this atrocity. That cute childlike little voice is so encouraging and makes it seem so easy. It told me it was just going to do a simple Body Test on me. I picked my cute little Mii and followed the directions.   All the sudden my adorable little character starts to blow up like a balloon! I thought she would explode! I think I saw bits of chocolate flying into her mouth. No one told me they were actually going make her look like me . Like I can't look in the mirror and see that I am fat--now I have a fattie mii to workout with. Then it reminded me of the fact that I am beyond overweight. After my balance tests it told me that I probably trip over my own feet when walking.   So as of right now this vicious device has told me I am an obese klutz. And I PAID for it to tell me that! I have a mother and children--I can get that information for free whenever I want.   And it has told me that it expects me to come and visit it every day. Why? Cause it hasn't told me I dress frumpy, wear too much makeup and could use a new hairstyle?     Then I found out that it is going to be stalking me if I don't show up for training? I can just imagine my phone ringing and that childlike voice "Mom (my wii's name), why hasn't your obese klutzy butt been up here to play with me? I am going to raise your Wii Age to 60 if you don't come see me. I have all of your Carnival Game tickets and you can't have them back until you run 10 miles. I am taking over your Sims house and redecorating it with Country Chintz. I WON'T BE IGNORED!"   I knew I should have been scared from the moment I started to open it and the first warning on the box was "CAUTION: Everyone in the room will be able to see just how old, fat and klutzy you are when you use this" (I paraphrased a little. . )   Some skinny game developer is laughing his butt off all the way to the bank. I would love to get my fat klutzy hands around his scrawny little neck. . .       But who would have thought that trying to gain 5 pounds would be so hard???? (stop throwing things at me!!!)     I have been eating nonstop. And eating crap. I am afraid to do anything else on the Wii Fit cause I don't want to screw up my chances when I weigh in. Yeah, it groans when I step on it and says "that's obese!, in that so cute little voice, but apparently that little girl doesn't work for the insurance company. I was going to reweigh this week but I realized I can't get my insurance paperwork together until next week and I figured that I would give myself a better chance of hitting the magic number if I waited a week.   When I weigh myself with clothes and a full bladder at the end of the day I am just barely making the 40 BMI. At the beginning of the day I am still around 228--not enough to qualify.   But just enough for my evil little Mii to take up most of the screen. I swear when I was watching my skinny children play I could hear my Mii crunching away on a bag of potato chips.     Or maybe that was me.. .
WDW Luver

WDW Luver

6
 

Justifiable Homicide?

My husband is making cheese sticks. :crying: No court in the land would convict me, would they? :whistle:I am on my 3 mo. preop diet and he has the fryer heating up! My daughter made blueberry muffins this morning. The other one just came home from a party with a bag full of candy. :cool2: Of course this is the reason why I want the band. I want to be able to eat all of these things in the future, just in smaller portions than I would now. But until then I have 80 pounds to lose and temptation is all around.:eek2: :w00t: Someone pass me a protein shake.:biggrin:
WDW Luver

WDW Luver

1
 

Impulsive Much?

Well it would appear that I now have millions of fans on the edge of their seats waiting for me to explain how I got here. The silence is deafening. .     Last Thursday should have been a great day for me. I had tackled a project that I involved things I enjoy. It also involved several hours on my feet over 2 days. Wednesday was the prep phase, Thursday when it happened. It should have been great. I had lots of help and they had piles of praise for me for how well I had done things. The compliments just kept on coming. I should have been on Cloud 9. Instead I was in HELL. My feet hurt so bad I was fighting back tears the entire day. I couldn't enjoy the event because I was just counting the seconds until I could go home and get off my feet. When I finally did pull into the garage at home I just sat in my car and cried. :crying: I just couldn't get out and walk into the house. I contemplated crawling because my feet hurt so bad. I am not sure that I can imagine worse pain. I finally pulled myself together and limped very slowly inside, got some ice and sat down with my feet up and the ice on them. . .   and cried.   I was in a full blown tumble down a very dark hole. Exhausted, in great pain, hungry, and depressed.   The phone rang.   I don't answer the phone when I am in this sort of mood. But I looked at the Caller ID just to be sure it wasn't one of my kids calling from school.   It wasn't.   In fact it was "Private Name Private Number" I NEVER answer those. Certainly I wasn't going to answer it in the mood I was in. I don't want to talk to anyone, much less deal with a telemarketer. Let the machine get it.   I answered it.   I have no idea why. Absolutely none. And this Private name, private number was my bff from back home. I haven't talked to her in several months, save a few passing pleasantries on Facebook. She was calling with some news from her family and after we got past that we were chatting about the kids and our lives. Then she dropped a bomb on me.   "I have to tell you something that I haven't really told anyone"   :confused:     "I got a Lap Band a few months ago. I am doing really great. I have lost a lot of weight and am exercising and am feeling so much better."   :eek:   I then commenced to do what I do best, talk! I asked her all sorts of questions and she told me all about it.   We said good bye and my brain kicked into overdrive.   Could I? :confused:   Would I?:confused:   Should I?:confused:   I have never, ever, ever, ever up until that very moment EVER contemplated surgery as an option. NEVER.:thumbup: I hate needles. I hate surgery. I hate anesthesia. I practically had to be knocked out just to have my babies. My last foot surgery I cried for 2 days before it and tried to cancel. Those were things that I had no choice. No way I would ever consider electing to have a dr cut into me and do stuff to my insides to help me lose weight. That is just crazy talk!   Or is it?   I did what I always do. I went on line. I started reading and thinking and reading and thinking and reading and thinking. Then I reached out to my closest friends that have been by my side through these last few years of hell. One has had GB, the other's husband had GB. Believe me, they were :eek: that I was now thinking this.   This was Thursday.   Friday I went to dinner with my GB friend and we talked all about her experience. She showed me websites, she discussed all she knew. She gave me the name of her local dr. I went home and decided to discuss it with DH. I am emotional and impulsive. He is analytical and thinks things over very carefully. I expected him to think I was crazy and immediately :thumbdown: the whole idea. Instead he listened to me very carefully as I very seriously laid everything out. Some things he had no idea about, like my extreme incontinence issues, or the rashes and sores I have been getting in the fat folds. Of course he knew about the feet! He kept a very open mind and said lets look into this further and learn all we can and then we can make a decision. But ultimately this is your body and your life and YOU have to make the decision and I will support you 100% in whatever you want to do. Did I mention that I have the most wonderful hubby in the world?:wub:   Monday afternoon found us at the Informational Seminar held by the local Weight Loss Clinic. Today I have seen my PCP and have his full support and approval for anything that I need.   In 5 days I have gone from Weight Loss Surgery not even being on my radar, to beginning the process for approval and having it done.   Impulsive much??
WDW Luver

WDW Luver

3
 

I Had my Head Examined Today

Most of my friends would say that this is looooooooooong overdue.   One of the questions that I was asked was "How do you think your life will change if you lose the weight?" I guess I answered it correctly because she said she was approving me. But I have been thinking today:   How will my life change if I lose this weight?   I hope that I will be able to:   1. Walk without pain. (the main goal!)   2. Sit in a booth and not have to shove the table closer to my skinny kids so I can breathe.   3. Be able to bend over and tie my shoes without peeing a little.   4. Hell, be able to actually bend over and REACH my shoes.   5. Hug my husband and have his hands be able to touch behind me.   6. Wear clothes that don't have an X in the size.   7. Use a towel in a hotel on vacation and have it actually wrap more than half way around my body.   8. Tuck a shirt in.   9. Fit in an airline seat.   10. No longer have nightmares about being cut out of a turnstyle with the Jaws of Life.   11. Wear jeans so tight I can't put my credit card in my back pocket.   12. Take off my wedding ring without using dish soap.   13. Walk up the 3 steps into my house and not have to take a rest to catch my breath.   14. Burn my handicapped parking tag!   15. Use regular sized hangers for my shirts.   16. Get my picture taken with Donald Duck and look smaller than him.   17. Buy some really cute nighties :thumbup:   18. Buy bras and undies in something other than industrial grade white cotton.   19. Remember what I looked like with only ONE chin.   20. Be less of a person physically, but still the same great wife, mother and friend. :biggrin:
WDW Luver

WDW Luver

3
 

Gain 5, Lose 100

I still remember when I found out that I was "obese". I had gone to see an allergist for allergy testing and they had given me a letter to take back to my PCP. I opened the envelope when I got in the car and read: "Mrs. WDW Luver is an obese female, age 25 presenting with symptoms. . ." OBESE????? I knew I was pleasantly plump, probably overweight and maybe even fat. But obese??? Not me. I was only about 175 or 180. That can't be obese, can it? I felt like I had been punched in my (obese!) stomach and all the air left my body. One sentence. One word. And why was it the first thing listed in describing me? That one word hurt and stung and the tears started.:thumbup: But then I got angry. I remember thinking a few things. 1. What the hell does my weight have to do with the fact that I am allergic to ragweed, cockroach dung and cats? 2. Why does he find it necessary to let my PCP know that I am obese? Does he think he doesn't notice? Does he think my wonderful PCP that has been taking care of me for several years is going to read that and suddenly realize "OMG! She is FAT and I just never noticed! So glad the Allergist pointed that out to me." 3. That Allergist is a raging jerk and I won't be going back to him! But now I find out that as I have put on the weight I am Morbidly Obese. Wow. Take a horrible, grotesque and depressing word and add another that is even more awful to describe those of us that have been struggling with our self esteem and weight issues for years. Morbid. That word makes me thing of death. Websters says that it means "characteristic of disease" and lists Grisly and Gruesome as synonyms. Gruesome Obesity. We have all seen the looks, stares, pointing, and whispers over our gruesome fatness. Do we really need such gruesome words to describe us? I know someone with cancer, the most grisly and gruesome disease I know of, but wasn't told she had morbid cancer. My grandfather had a stroke that took away most of his capabilities, but it was never described as a morbid stroke. I had a friend in high school that was depressed to the point of being suicidal. He was never diagnosed as being morbidly depressed. And if all of this wasn't bad enough we have to have comorbidities. Being Morbidly Obese may not be bad enough. Some of us have to have some other horrible condition that our weight is causing to qualify for surgery. Well HA! I may be Morbidly Obese, but I am the healthiest damn fat woman I know! Blood pressure is fine. No diabetes. Cholesterol is great, lipids (whatever those are) are within normal range. I sleep fine with no signs of apnea. I am fit as a fiddle, healthy as a horse and 100%. . . Except for my feet. I have a permanent handicapped tag, the DMV told after renewing the temp one 2x that I needed to go permanent. Permanently handicapped. Cause I am fat. I read about applying for disability and I qualify. Permanently disabled. Cause I am fat. I am in constant debilitating and excruciating pain. Permanent pain. Cause I am fat. Excuse me, because I am obese. Actually the reality for me at this very moment is that I am not MORBIDLY obese. Nope! Yea Me! I am 5 pounds or less away from that. Depends on the time of day that I weigh actually. And when I last peed. And, you know, the other. And if I am wearing my Crocs or Tennis Shoes. Unfortunately for me when I went for the Informational Seminar at the local WLC I had an empty stomach. And I was wearing a lightweight skirt and my Crocs. And I had peed (and the other). BMI of 38.9 Not morbidly obese. Morbidly handicapped. Morbidly disabled. But doesn't qualify for surgery. So now I am in power training. To GAIN weight. I need 5 pounds by next week. I can weigh in again when I turn in the rest of my paperwork. I needed to get rid of 3 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies in the freezer anyway. And there was some ice cream. And of course there are a ton of "last meals" I need to have. Aunt Flo will be visiting me next week and she always brings water retention and several extra pounds with her. And I have some heavy jeans and a sweatshirt. And hiking boots. And several sets of keys in my pockets. I have to gain 5 pounds to be approved to lose 100. And that to me is Morbid Stupidity.
WDW Luver

WDW Luver

8
 

Fear Factor

I have been freaking out about the fact that it appears that my insurance may require that I have meet the BMI qualifications for 2 years. I have not been at 40BMI before this. I was at 35 -39 but without comorbidities, but it dawned on me this morning--the insurance has only asked for 5 years worth of weight records. Nothing has been said about asking for the full records to show if I had those comorbidities or not. Hopefully they will look at the weights and not ask!     So after we went to bed last night I filled DH in on what exactly the podiatrist had to say. Then I told him "You know that I have made my mind up on this, right?" He just chuckled and said, "I have known for awhile now."   Funny, that is what my good friends that I have been sharing this journey also said! They could tell I knew from the beginning, despite the fact that I kept saying "But I haven't made a decision yet."   I do have a ton of concerns and fears. There are always fears about how something like this will go. Of course anytime you undergo a major medical procedure/anesthesia you are at risk of the worst. But I am also probably at that same risk getting in my car and driving on some of the roads around here!   I keep reading about port pain--especially if significant amounts of weight are lost. I don't like pain. The idea of it being up near the skin and palpable kind of skeeves me out.   What if I end up not able to eat anything?   What if it doesn't work and I never get restriction?   What if it slips?   What if I decide that I hate it?   What if I just decide that I am sick of eating healthy and go back to my old habits?   What if I do this and it doesn't help my feet at all and I am still in constant pain and stuck in the wheelchair?   How will I live without soda?   I tend to have scaring issues. I don't heal very fast. My scars tend to be large, hard and take a very long time to heal. How is this going to affect my stomach when they stitch it? What about the port? What if the scarring really messes me up?
WDW Luver

WDW Luver

1
 

A Journey of a Thousand Miles begins with. . .

I weighed myself this morning. Buck naked, as soon as I got up and peed. 226.5. Then I reweighed after my shower. Fully clothed with shoes and I had drank a glass of water. 231.5 Half a pound from 40 BMI. See how ridiculous this arbitrary number is? I can add five pound just by getting dressed and having a glass of water. So I am hopeful for reweighing next week.     I went through my files and found a few of my old Weight Watchers records from 8 and 9 years ago. I have been doing a lot of thinking about how I got here. I have read other's stories, blogs, forum intros etc... The only thing that is consistent is that we are all overweight now, but the path we took to get here is different for everyone. Some have been overweight since childhood. Some gain after a major life changing event. For some a health issue comes first and the weight follows and then the health issues snowball.   For me it has been a control issue combined with my impulsivity. I want what I want and I want it now! My meals were strictly controlled growing up and I was never given the opportunity to make my own choices and learn to eat correctly. I was a skinny kid. I was an average teen. I was normal weight when I entered college. But dorm food is never the healthiest, or at least it wasn't 25 years ago. And I still had no control. Meal times were set. Portion sizes were set. There was some choice but not complete freedom.   Then I got an apartment and the control was completely mine. And with control comes responsibility. But I had never learned that. I had no idea how to make healthy choices. Heck, I had no idea how to cook! I really don't remember cooking in that apartment (except for one ill fated roast chicken attempt that landed me in the ER with severe burns. . ). But I did remember that is when the weight started to rise. And my first forays into the world of Weight Loss began. First it was Weight Watcher. I clearly remember my very first weigh in at WW--135 pounds! Dang! I would be thrilled if I could weigh that now! But I wanted to lose 20 pounds to be at my starting college weight. I think I lost about 10 before I moved on. NutriSystem was next. That food was nasty!   The years went on, and so did the pounds. Like so many of us each time I lost a little it would come back and bring friends.   But why?   The band is just a tool. I think knowing why is going to be the key to making the changes to keep the weight off.   I have read for years about different bad eating habits. Some can sit and eat an entire box of cookies, or whole bag of chips. Some eat high fat, fried, greasy foods. Some people eat without realizing it-sitting in front of the TV or at work with a snack and don't even know they are putting it in their mouth. Some people even get up during the night and eat.   I am not any of those. I don't make great food choices a lot of the time. Cream sauces and cheese makes everything better! Soda is delicious. Fast food is so satisfying and quick and easy. But I do try to limit this. I don't keep chips and sweets and other junk in the house. I try to balance the unhealthy meals I make with some healthy ones. I don't like very many veggies, but I have been expanding my options. I don't carry much cash so I can't afford fast food (that worked great until they started to take credit cards!:thumbup: )   But my portions are big. And I love me some simple carbs! The whiter the better! I know all the things I am supposed to know about portion sizes. Four memberships in Weight Watchers, a year at Jenny Craig, and countless books and other programs have taught me all about portion control. Meat the size of a deck of cards, portion plate so that the veggies take up the most room. Switch to whole grains (cause they are so nasty I would rather starve!). But eating those recommended portions just leave me unsatisfied and running back to the fridge in an hour because I am starving!   I have read that a lot of overweight people don't understand the concept of being hungry, not hungry and full. They either physically lack the ability to feel those 3 things, or just don't know how to interpret these signals. I don't have that problem. I feel all 3. And if I am not hungry then I don't eat. I will even often forget to eat lunch many times because I am busy and don't realize that I need to eat until I am shaky, dizzy, and nearly passing out. Recovering after that is very difficult-- I still don't know the right balance of protein/carbs/sugar to correct that situation as fast as possible.   So why do I think the band will help me? Because my biggest issue is portion control and making healthy choices. I understand that the choices I make aren't really limited by the band, and I may be able to eat junk with the band without impunity. But need the most help with the portion control. I want to be able to eat just a "normal" amount and not be starving when I leave the table, or an hour or so later. I want to stop outeating a pro football player! I do want to be able to still enjoy the occasional treat. I am only 39. The idea of a solution that would prevent me from ever really enjoying a few bites of ice cream, cake or other favorites for the rest of my life seems miserable.   What is that saying? Something like " If you give up smoking, drinking and junk food you may not live longer, but it will sure feel like it!"   I want to have my cake and eat it too. But I want to only eat a few bites and be completely satisfied. For this procedure to work for me I need to understand why I eat the whole piece of cake now. Why I can't stop with a just a few bites? And I need to gain the self control to make the changes needed.   I started this journey through my life with no control over what I ate. Then I had total control and the weight came on--I was out of control. Now I need to get responsible control. I have the power to make this work. I may not even be half way through this journey of life and I have lots of time to make the second half even greater than the first!     My journey of a thousand more miles begins with this one step.
WDW Luver

WDW Luver

1
 

3 Months have come and gone

I haven't been around and blogging. I had to step away and just let the 3 months go by without stressing and obsessing. Life got busy with my usual summer activities with the kids home and the time has flown!   My 90 days required by the insurance ended Sunday, July 5th. I saw my WLS yesterday and he thinks everything will be smooth sailing, but I am the first patient from their office to try to get approval with Aetna's new 3 mo process. He asked why I was doing the 3mo instead of the usual 6 mo process. My answer? "Why wait 6 when you only need 3?" Get this done as soon as possible so I have 3 more months of my life with this tool.   I have to admit, I haven't really lost anything. My PCP was actually worried that if I did I might be denied since I was so close to meeting the 40BMI anyway. Maybe I have the wrong attitude but I have a mindset of "last meal". Last night I enjoyed a great Chicken Fried Steak. Not at all healthy, but so good. But I wouldn't eat that after having the band, whether I could or not. I am drinking soda. I know I won't be able to afterwards so why start now? I have been drinking more Tea and Crystal Lite but I don't see why to stop now.   My WLS seems to feel the same way also. No preop diet required, except to concentrate on low fat. I do intend to do that. He said he felt there was no reason to go to protein shakes before the surgery since I will be sick enough of them afterwards!   I see my PCP for my final visit next Thursday. Just my luck that he is on vacation this week so I have to wait! As soon as he writes the insurance letters they can be submitted and the approval wait begins. My surgeon can schedule within a week or two. Ideally I want the first Thursday in August--the 6th. That will give me several weeks to heal before I have commitments I need to keep the end of August and beginning of September.   I can't decide if I am more excited, nervous or just downright scared!
WDW Luver

WDW Luver

1
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