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Getting Close!

I'm getting close! Monday the 29th is my band day. I spoke to the hospital today and I need to be there at 5:30AM, scheduled for surgery at 8AM. I will spend the night with DD1 the night before because the hospital is an hour away from my home, but only a few minutes from her apartment. DH will come later - he took off from work even though I didn't want him to - I'm afraid he'll overhear how much I weigh. Isn't that crazy?? Even when I was pregnant with our 3 daughters, I didn't want him to know how much I weighed. Everyone elsed seemed so proud of their weight gain, or of their pregnant bodies, but I was ashamed - I remember it like it was yesterday. Not that he isn't able to see...it's just kind of the ultimate humiliation to weigh more (way more!!!) than him. My doctor ordered a low carb diet for 2 weeks prior. I started a little before that, and she only ordered liquids for the day before. However, I've read so much here and on other sites, that I put myself on a liquid diet this past Monday. So far, I'm doing OK except a little light-headed at work. I hope the liver is nice and small. I have a convention to go to this weekend with a bunch of teen-age girls, and we'll be eating out the entire weekend. I had to tell a few people about my surgery so they would know what was going on and so that they wouldn't try to get me to eat. They've been very supportive. This weekend will be tough, but the prize is in sight. I've been reading some other blogs about anxiety and depression...I don't really feel that way, but it seems a little weird to me somehow - like I'm separating myself from the pack...does that make sense? Maybe if I were more comfortable sharing this experience with my co-workers, I would not feel as much like a phony. Does it feel like a cop-out to anyone to see others lose weight without surgery? I know, I've been there and tried it. And I owe it to myself, and I owe no explanations to anyone. There - I said it and I feel better. I turned 50 this year and I can remember turning 40 saying I didn't want to be 40 and fat. Where did the 10 years go? I have a lot of life left in me - and I'm ready. I probably will not post until after surgery since my weekend will be full. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for the support, for putting yourselves out there, and for being real. I know some folks don't like to read the blogs with complaining or negative thoughts, but for me, this is cathartic; and it's my diary. Talk to ya'll later. Yes, I'm from Texas!
lauraq

lauraq

1
 

First Fill - Not So Bad

I had my first fill this morning - 2cc. I 'm not sure how much my band holds but it was completly empty. She said she takes all the fluid out after priming during surgery. She had me lift my legs off the stretcher about 2 inches and put my arms above my head, and my little port just stuck right out like it knew it was supposed to. She prepped me with Betadine, stuck the needle in, pulled out the air and injected 2cc of saline. I only felt a small stick and didn't even know she was through. she is great! She doesn't do the flouroscopy in the office, so we made sure I could swallow water, which I could. Now back at work and just ate some broth off a can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle SOup and it went down fine. So, now liquids for 2 days.   I really needed to have a fill because I've been hungry - not just head hunger. I could eat almost anything (except bread and dry meat). So, hopefully, this will jump start some real weight loss. Although I've lost 32 total since June 3 when starting the preop diet, I've only lost 12 since surgery on June 29.   Nothing new with my mom. Getting the brain radiation. Today was Day 8 of 19. Thanks to all for caring.   Have a great day. Lunch break's over - back to work.   Schedule your mammograms if you haven't already done so.
lauraq

lauraq

2
 

Feeling better day by day

Today was a good day. I had a little more energy until late this evening. Less shoulder pain...finally. Less soreness overall. I ate soupy mashed potatoes today which tasted amazing, but I was full very quickly. What a concept! I walked 1 mile with my DD2 and friend this evening and could hardly make the last lap. There was a high school summer workout program going on at that time, and I tell you...teenagers don't know how wonderful it is to have those athletic bodies. I wish they could fast forward a few years to motivate them to keep it up. I wish I would have.   I take my mom tomorrow for a physical to look for cancerous lesions on her body to make sure she doesn't have a melanoma. Then Thursday, I have a post op visit and she's having a body scan. I'm praying that maybe all the bad news we heard last week might have some miracle cure. I'm trying to keep my mantra going - "God's grace is sufficient." We can make it through many bad days with the grace of God - I think I am finally realizing that.   Hope all my June 29th band buddies are recovering nicely. Have a good night all.
lauraq

lauraq

4
 

Duh

Sorry I entered the last post twice. I'm not able to delete it. :thumbup:
lauraq

lauraq

1
 

Diet Coke Weaning

Thanks for all the positive thoughts on the DC weaning. I am down to about 3 -12 ounce bottles now. The weird thing is that as I'm low carbing, the DC is not thirst quenching. So, that helps.   We had a graduation party for my niece last night and I did ok, or so I thought.....I had fajita meat, cheese, guacamole and the best cucumber salad I've ever had. Until, I found out it was so good because my sister-in-law "forgot" to tell me she made it with sugar instead of Splenda. (She never uses sugar, so not sure what happened there).:sad: I did avoid the chocolate cake, and did pretty well otherwise. Hopefully when I go in for my appointment on Thursday, I'll get to set a date for surgery.   One other question - has anyone heard much about how frequently surgery is cancelled once they get in due to a fatty liver? My doctor had a case last week where the nurse said the liver was so fatty, it would have been dangerous to proceed, so they stopped. Now the patient has to diet for 6 more months before it will be attempted again. I guess I'm afraid of that because I have metabolic syndrome with elevated tryglycerides. Just wonderin....    
lauraq

lauraq

1
 

Diagnostic Testing Visit

I go tomorrow for lab, EKG, chest x-ray; visit with anesthesia; visit with exercise physiologist; visit with psychologist; visit with nutritionist - a busy day. I'm so grateful to get it all done on the same day. My BCBS plan has been wonderful and will pay all of the diagnostic testing and all but $50 of the surgery. I should have done this a long time ago. Does anyone know what the exercise physiologist will do?
lauraq

lauraq

1
 

Day 3

This is Band Day #3 - I woke up feeling tremendously better this morning. Yesterday was just an overwhelming day for me, hearing the ugly cancer news about my mom. I think it kind of knocked the wind out of my sails. But, the support and stories I read on hear every day assures me that life does go on.   I weighed this morning, I weighed 222# the morning of surgery, and this morning I'm 218.8. I know I didn't drink enough yesterday because we were on the road and I was unprepared, so I'll work on that today. The 100+ heat here in Texas is draining on a good day.   Have a great day all!!
lauraq

lauraq

3
 

A Long Way To Go

I am Laura, and I'm a food-a-holic. I've been overweight since I was a kid, and I just turned 50. I don't remember ever feeling full in my life. I can eat more than a man, and still eat more. I eat when no one is watching; I eat when I'm happy, scared, lonelt, depressed = I need no reason. I know that if I don't do something immediately, I'll die before I'm 60. My dues (we were estranged) died in his 40's of a massive heart attack; and the youngerst of my 3 brothers has had several strokes. And still I eat. My blood pressure is high; I have a high-stress job as a nursing director; I have a gorgeous, fit husband and 3 daughters - all but 1 struggles with their weight. I am ready to be healthy. So, I've been to the surgeon. I've been told I am a perfect candidate for lap band. I'm waiting for a letter of denial from my primary insurance which does not cover the bnd before I submit my info to BCBC - Fed, which pays 100% after the first $100. I'm angry that my primary has already taken a month and still no denial letter, even though it will be denied. I want to get started. I want to quit eating enough for an 18 year old boy. I know I can't do it on my own. I'm 5'5 and I weigh 240. I'll keep trachk of my journey here. My surgeon is Briget Brady in Austin.
lauraq

lauraq

6
 

211 Pound "Skinny-Minnie"

My husband called me "skinny" yesterday. Unbelievable! This is from a man who can consume 3000 calories per day, and still weighs less than he did as a high school athlete - and he's 51. That compliment was worth all the struggle. Never thought I would feel skinny, but I'm starting to. It's wonderful to not have fat rolls on my tummy; to not have "chub-rub" on the thighs; to not think about how to camoflauge my fat every day. And, hopefully, it'll get better yet. My mom is doing poorly. She has breast cancer which has spread everywhere, and very rapidly. I doubt we'll even get to the point where treatment is an option. I can't believe I'm even saying that. It is just so sudden, and I'm just not ready. It is so hard to see my independent mom lose her vision from a tumor, be unable to walk unassisted, unable to shower unassisted, and all those little things we take for granted. I am the only daughter, with three brothers, and I'm an RN - so the majority of decisions and medical appointments are left for me. I want to be the daughter and not the nurse. Are we ever ready to lose our mothers??? How do I come to terms with this?
lauraq

lauraq

7
 

"It's been such a long time"

I haven't posted or been on this site in so long. I think it's time to sit back and take a look at everyone. When I was banded on June 29, 2009 - I was addicted to this site and to the comraderie I felt with all of you. I've kind of let that go, and I really miss the support. I'm enjoying my "banded" life. I make mistakes frequently but have managed to lose, and keep off 60# with very little effort.   My life changed significantly when my mom died in October as I am now caretaker for my 102 year old feisty grandma - it leaves me little time for thinking about my band.   How are you doing Lucky Dog and Bashful and BG - you were all such inspiring women for me - time to get back in touch.   Have a great week. Love to you all! :Lauraq
lauraq

lauraq

2
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