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Who knows Nykee

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Found NUMA and Mortal Chase!!

I found two long lost videos of my son and my boy on the internet.   I am so happy about that.   Now I got to find the ones of cry and amb..   I write this incase this is the brightest point of my day.   Havent done much thinking yet, cept of food .... it is almost 3pm and I am not open yet.. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr ME want JUICE!! From fitday: Current Weight Your weight is 345 lb as of 02/05/2006.   Weight Goal Your goal is to weigh 315 lb by 02/14/2006   Goal Progress You are currently 30 lb above the target weight.   The deadline for your goal is 9 days (1 weeks, 2 days) away.   To meet your goal you need to lose about 23.33 lb per week.   LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL GOOD LUCK LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Nykee

Nykee

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5000 calories

I had a 5000 calorie day today   I had like 80 ounces of whole milk 60 ounces of grape juice 6 hershey kisses 25 almonds spegetti noodles, with butter sauasge, eggs and fried potatoes ketsup, mayo cocoa krispies cerial   :help:
Nykee

Nykee

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NSV Complete list, updated as I go.

Work in Progress   I been using my computer (posting, emails, etc.) from a chair for a month now. I guess I must say I am in a comfortable rocking chair thing with cushions. BUT its UPRIGHT and so am I.. lol   (Oh for those who dont know.. I always had to post from the couch, then later I got this neat lounge chair chaise (spell?) due to pain as I have some back injuries)   I bleached my hair three time in the last two months.. and to rinse it out, I leaned over the tub and rinsed it in the tub facet.   I mean I HAD to cuz I forgot my fancy disabled people shower thingie at my old place. (damn it, that was expensive!)   And it was basically easy. I mean it wasnt easy. But it was WAY WAY WAY easier. Compared to before, it was a SNAP.   I have had to do this before (use the facet) and it has left me in tears. I have had crisis interventions over this in the past. (I have to do my hair like every couple months)   I either couldnt reach the facet it well enough to rinse thouroughly and fried my hair, absolutely could not hold my possition and had to leave the area before I was done, cried alot, needed someone to come with a picher to help me, had to get in the tub and let the bleach run all over my body and ect ect... lol, seems like alot to go through to dye my hair, but thats life ya know.. you do what you gotta do and you dont think about it.. UNTIL NOW when its so different.       I can lay on the couch for more than an hour.   This couch from goodwill..It has two reclyning chairs on the ends.   I couldnt lay on it. It was extremely uncomfortable. (the mechanics inside, undetectable to the normal sized..)   I tried and tried to get a place on this couch because Um I NEED to lay down and I need to be in my living room.   I tried until it was completely clear that in NO way could I use this couch. My family loved it.. Its a pretty cool couch for everone else.   I only had the chaise lounge chair that I could tolerate for semi long periods and it wasnt sufficient. I could only sit on the couch about an hour in its upright possition with the reclyner out. (not quite upright.. lol) And EVERY time I regretted it (pain pain pain)   I had no where to "be" in my own living room if I was "bedridden' that day, I actually had to be in my bed.. and I dont like being isolated like that.   So... My stuff was in storage.. I just got a new place... and GUESS WHAT..   I went to lay on the couch.. and I could. AND I CAN.. I HAVE A PLACE TO BE IN MY OWN LIVING ROOM NOW! WOW   My Watch is loose.   My friend gave me the watch in christmas of 04, she got it fit for me and it fit perfectly. Now its always upside down, dangling and at least three links could be removed. I dangle it everytime I need a pick me up.   I can weigh on a normal scale and the scale at the ymca becasue I am under 350 pounds now. Nuff said.   I had my first Orgasm from a Man, that I didnt have to help one bit. I am 35 and having my first one, unassisted. I thought it would NEVER happen. I was OBESE by age 16 and not sexually educated before that....Three kids by 19 and never did enjoy sex. and it was dead ever since because I felt so crappy about myself.. I almost never even touched myself. I felt so discusted. NO looking even.   This O happened with a good friend who has never done anything wrong to me, who I have been seeing casually for over three years and who I have become increasingly comfortable with. (26 yr old hottie too) Last year on my 34th bday, I was able to have 7 multiple O's with him, (I did it, but it only happened cuz he was there and he was OMG AMAZING)   So.. Its a mixture of my becoming increasingly comfortable with him as well as with myself.. In fact, the whole sex thing was so much better that also made me ready and capible.. This was never due to HIs lack of skill, I know he has the skill, I have known that from our first time. But I was dead and his skills mean nothing if I am dead. I am still in shock.. I mean you go 35 years and your mom and sister and best friends ALL know you have never had an orgasm from a man.. and that last year was my first one with a man at all (assisted) (and I date plenty, and many have tried and tried well) AND now, its not my story anymore.. lol. (I havent even told them yet!)   Sex..Details later..MAYBE, kinda new and feeling too personal.. BUT ITS HUGE.       WORK IN PROGRESS
Nykee

Nykee

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First heard about WLS

I first heard about the gastric bypass in the year 99 or 00.. It was on Montel. I knew it was the one thing that could save me, the only thing.   About a year earlier I had gave up the notion that I could ever lose wieght on my own. I hadnt stopped trying, but because I was becoming worse off physically, I knew I would not be able to do it on my own.   I needed medical intervention. I knew it. I now knew it existed.   So I began research. It was like 50,000$ and not covered by my insurence (though it had been a few years prior). I was poverty striken.   I was so close once. I had found a bariatric surgeon to talk to and give me information and send me stuff.. He said that IF I had Gallbladder problems (symptoms are heartburn, yes I had that) that the gallbladder work would be covered by insurence, and while he was in there he could do the gastric bypass for 3500$ AND I could make payments. I was sure that he implied that he would make sure I got a diagnosis of a gallbladder problem. His and his nurse seems in on it, cariing for us.   Well,, My ins said that I would have to see the gallbladder docter in my coverage area, BUT he wasnt a bariatric surgeon. I could only go out of my area if we didnt have one, but we did.   I considered moving to the coverage area. BUt I was in college. I Had a job where I only had to work two hours a day for like 800 a month and it was the only job I could physically do and it was a hard job to find. Plus that doctor stopped taking payments AND I wasnt so sure he would say I had a bad gallbladder and the consult was prohibitive in cost for me. I kinda started to think, I just cant make this work.   I decided to wait and see if anything might turn up in the future.   At least I knew there was some HOPE that I might not be obese until I die.
Nykee

Nykee

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Fill in info on way to band

I get a new doctor and he does not treats me fair.   He agrees to give me ultram for back pain, I dont have to lose weight.   And pretty much I dont.   He checks me for diabeties and I have it.   HUMMM I wonder why that witch never checked it.???   With this doctor, I have a new phobia called NEVEr tell the doctor your in pain. Hide it at all costs.   There would be days at the doctors where I would get this pain in my back and sit and hold it forever and if the nurse asked if I was ok I would say "oh my back is hurting alittle" no big deal" and when alone I would go crazy and then i would walk as normally to my car as possible and then collapse and cry my head off and go home and be bedridden for two days..   I said enough to keep the untram, but no more.   I was scared to death of being dismissed and ridiculed and NOT cared for again. This was very stupid. I fell alot and I got hurt alot and I hid it all.     I become more and more crippled and gained weight.   I end up unable to work and sent to the jobs program in the welfare system.   I am scared. I am trying to hide the fact that I am in excrusiating pain. It was like the most important thing to be.. to hide my pain and problems. I couldnt stand anyone seeing me as a loser, a fat cripple, a broken women. I rather suffer than show it. (now I show it, I dont care)   Well they noticed. They sent me to the voc doctor again and she told them I was disabled and not to make me do anything.   They made me apply for SSI   This day was the worst day of my life.   I didnt want to apply for disabilty. I didny know what it was and I didnt want to. All I knew is that I SURE AND THE HELL WASNT to be one to get disabilty.   I was completely bent, couldnt think of a single job i could do. At this point even sitting in chairs wasnt possible for very long. I was disabled. I was.   But to apply for disability is admitting your the ultimate failer... My fat brought me to this point and it was too hard to admit that.   This was the most depressed I have ever been.   No one made me do anything..I was 'awainting disabilty"   I became 400 pounds in this meaningless existance   THEN.. ANOTHER Lesson.. The DISABILY thing became My chance at life and weight loss again..   I had to get the dissability, to get the back pay, to pay for the gastric bypass.. TO GET OFF OF disabilty.     It was a plan.. BUT it took a long long time.   About 5 years.   In the meantime my doctor left and I got assigned Dr. MOORE and he was so cruel to me that his nurse turned him in, people called me, I testified on the phone and then i was notified that he had been reprimanded.   Becasue of this I got a special doctor at a fancy clinic.   He checked my back right away and I was herniated and had sciatica and he said it was like that a long time.   YEAH, ever since I QUIT school and began to complain to my doctors. WHY DID NO ONE EVER CHECK MY BACK?? Sheesh   So yeah.. 5 years, cuz I had shabby doctors..   I rememebr times when I wished the SSi would NOT go through, so I would get MORE money when it went through the next time...   I needed at leaste 15,000   Well i found out that medicare would cover my gastric bypass and all I had to do was wait. Find doctors and go to all the pre stuff.. so I did
Nykee

Nykee

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Less food, same calories. Grrrrrr

FEBUARY 6th So, yesterday I felt like I could hardly eat at all. I never had a meal.   I sipped on milk and broth all day.. and around 6pm I was able to chew and spit some chicken and then I had some applesauce and pop and milk and almonds and candy.   BUt it all added up the same as every other day.. About 2500 calories, 100 grams of fat, 300 carbs...   So I didnt like that. It really goes to show how things can add up.. Like I had chocolate chips, two at a time.. but WOW the calories really added up and I had the smallest amounts of pop and those calories added up too..   Had I left out the pop and chocoalte chips, witch would of been so easy. I might of had a lesser calorie day for once..   Its been 4 days since I been loging my food.. and it seems like two weeks for something..   I think tomarrow I may break down and weigh myself.. I wanted to wait till the 14th but tomarrow I will be in the town that I can weigh on the real accurate scale.   Maybe if I see how far I am from Goal (75 pound of loss by Feb. 14th) than I will kick it in this last week??   I MUST BE 340 POUNDS... I JUST MUST.   I could drop 10 pounds in a week, if I really tried.. BUT whats the use? Just to say I made goal? I would just gain it back anyway.   AS USUAL.. I cant get a fill cuz I am too tight in the AM.   PLUS I am eating around the band anyway I can.. how obvious is that!
Nykee

Nykee

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SHOUT the TRUTH

OMG I made this huge post. Full of the worst and its gone Oh well it was nice to get out
Nykee

Nykee

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MILK

I drank a half gallon of whole milk this night   I am high on steroids and of course cant sleep and I am wide open.   I find that the gallon of new milk in the fridge is whole (a kid musta made a BIG mistake, NO one likes whole in this family)   I been up watching the movie RENT.. (I think its 4 hours long!!!!lol) WOW WOW WOW by the way WOW WOW I never knew what rent was about.. WOW   and I been pissing all night (I pissed myself 3 times... thats sad but true, just a bit, I cant make it to the toilet when I get the urge.. its FATTIE incontinent leaks)   I just went to fill my cup... again ... and its half gone.. and I opened it. And here I am on the computer again and watching the commentarty on RENT.   Dilema Dilema.. I cant BE wide open like this.. LOOK WHAT I revert to doing. I will NEVER lose weight.   I cant be as tight as I have been, having pains on my saliva till 4pm or its abusing my band. (and its causing me to drink sugar, not have meals)   oh well.. what ever   In case I forget.. (my food log is not in here) I ALREADY drank like 40 ounces of nesquick and 30 ounces of 1% milk...   MAYBE I WILL TOP IT ALL OFF AT A GALLON.. if there was any nesquick left GUAREENTEED I WOULD.   Friggin solumedrol.. I shoulda let that chex mix sit there for ever. (I had a little at 7am and it wouldnt go away, I didnt PB, but I could feel it.. obviously swollen.. I am too tight and tHIS TIME I CANT SEEM TO COPE WITH IT)
Nykee

Nykee

1
 

Ashless Birthday party

So, we had her Birthday Party. All of us and my sister, neice and her new man. Plus Ashlee's friend.   It went better than I could of ever hoped for.   She was totally surprised by her ID bracelet and very happy to have it and beemed expressions of feeling lucky and special. That was my intent.   She loved her Roses as she has never had any before and we are not a flower or jewlry kind of family.   The dinner went well at Applebee's, I had tomatoe soup and some Spinach dip and got alittle choked up but it subsided. Everyone else had HUGE and delicious meals. Sure would be nice to eat like that again.. NOT!!!   My sister went and paid the bill, The TURKEY. I tried to pay and it was already paid. THE SNEAK. I called her and she said "thanks for doing my taxes" OH BROTHER, it took me all of 5 minutes to do those taxes. But she did get a hefty refund.. So, HEY, Now I can pay the water bill!!   Ashlee then took off for the coast. She is staying in a motel with a HUGE jacuzzi hot tub in the room (this is a 99$ deal in Lincoln City we are fortunate to get in the winter months) With her boyfriend.. I KNOW I KNOW.. that sounds terrible.. But they been dating for 4 years and well I had to get over that a long time ago.   I wonder what the first "I am an adult" thing she will try to pull on me??
Nykee

Nykee

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Restriction kicking in?

Well, Its 8pm and I am STILL having problems.. sipping tomatoe soup and its sitting in my throat.. ugh.   EITHER its my period a coming, OR the restriciton has "kicked in" like many people have described it doing to them.   I will give it a couple of weeks.. Making sure not to irritate it to the point that It hurts or causing the chest pains. LASt thing I want is an unfill.   But OF course if I get the pain, I WILL get an unfill ...   I am KINDA excited and QUITE frusterated.   I want to lose weight like I did with my last fill.. BUT unlike my last fill, I am not so happy and overjoyed about NOT eating.. They called it the honeymoon period and I thought it was divine majic or something.. lol   I cant imagine I would get an unfill to simply be able to eat.... BUT, I also dont see it as impossible..   OF course.. 25 pounds or so will losen the band anyway.... well thats what happened last time..   MY calories have been averaging 2500, my fat 100 and my carbs 300.. I have GOT to be under that today.. But thats what I thought yesterday. lol   ..........................................   Today we had an appointment with Joe.. and tomarrow is the school and the center. Dawn goes to her thing on wednesday. Lots of changes. I need to turn in my request to MOVE!!!!
Nykee

Nykee

1
 

How to use this Journal

Hummm, trying to think of how to use this Journal to my best advantage.   I have always wanted one, on line and I never got around to making one, like a blog or my own website or anything like that.   I would like to continue to post as I have on the site, minus my long winded personal rants and such... and adding my basic life details, that I wouldnt normally feel any need to tell anyone but myself, just to have.   so.. I think thats what I will do.   plus, I will try to log once a day..
Nykee

Nykee

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Starting Day

THIS IS SO COOL. I am always clogging up the site with my crap and now there is this nice place for it all.. Awesome.
Nykee

Nykee

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