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A Blog?About Nothing

Jerry Seinfeld was quoted as saying that “Seinfeld” was a show about nothing…as it turns out so is this blog…here is a random potpourri trivial items from my week. Once a quarter we have our sales force in for training, account reviews and our quarterly executive business reviews. It is a complete blitzkrieg all week long, of never ending string of meetings and creating PowerPoint for meetings, hence, my lack of blogs this week. I did get stuck having to eat a meal during the day vs. my protein drink…my reflexes got the better of me. My boss asked me to go to lunch and I was out the door before I grabbed a SlimFast. I had a bowl of turkey chili, so I did not fall to far off the wagon.   I was so beat when I left yesterday I had to take one of those “5 hour” energy shots to drive home. My commute is over a very twisting section of road (Highway 74, the Ortega Highway, that links Orange and Riverside counties in CA.) and you don’t want to be sleepy when you drive over it. I had been looking for a caffeine fix since I can’t drink zero carb RockStar anymore…and I don’t like coffee...these handy 2 oz. shots of have become my new pick-me-up.   The good news is I did managed to get to the gym Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, but Thursday and Friday did not happen. It is also good to report that, I got to sleep in this morning, do my weekly weigh in (dropped 5 pounds), went to the gym and then to the movies. We went to see “State of Play” with Russell Crow…Good Flick. Tomorrow, my son and I are off to see the finals of the Formula D team drift competition in Long Beach. Lots of horsepower, car show models and smoking rubber…it should be fun…http://www.formulad.com/. So much for my random musings…have a good week end folks.
Cingulus

Cingulus

1
 

The Joy of Deletion

I love clothes…my wife says I am just one hair’s breath away from being gay when it comes to clothes. However, today I deleted my email from Rochester’s Big and Tall. As all of us know one the purposes of the lap band is to delete many things from our lives (weight, health issues etc.), while have not had the surgery yet, I still deleted my Rochester’s Big and Tall email, because…I don’t plan on ever buying anything from them again. It may just be mental masturbation, but it feels good all the same. I suspect all of us have multiple sized wardrobes in our closet and I can say with confidence that I have plenty of clothes to go through the shrinking phases and come out on the other side without ever going to a big and tall store again.     In the movie the replacements Gene Hackman, who plays a football coach, tells Keanu Reeves, the team’s quarterback…”I look at you and see two men, the man you are and the man you can be…someday they will meet and make a great quarterback.” That is kind how I feel about deleting my Rochester’s email. The day of my large self and smaller self are on a path of convergence and it will be a great day.
Cingulus

Cingulus

1
 

I Have Met The Enemy and...

I am off for a short trip to San Francisco. As I was driving to the airport, I was thinking to myself...ok I can stop by the Admirals Club, they have great chocolate chip cookies, have nice snack...get some email done... Oh Shit my mind is screwing with me again, DAMN! As my rational side took over again, I thought to myself, this is the real battle of the Lapband.   We all know mind-hunger is the great trickster. Why is our own mind our greatest enemy? I now find myself moving beyond rationalization to confrontation. Before deciding on the Lapband my mental efforts were focused on justifying why my food consumption was OK...it was not that bad...I can make up for it by eating better tomorrow...I had a really stressful day...it is not fair that I am fat and others who eat the same or more are skinny...and the list can go on. Now, I find myself in mortal combat with my own mental demons, saying...ok you bastards stop trying to trick me into bad choices...who's side are you on anyway...I will not listen to the voices in my head...not this time, byte me, you SOB. (I cleaned up the language to protect the innocent, my internal discussion really sound like a George Carlin on one of his more colorful rants.)   The few people I have told about the Lapband have asked me why I think it will work, or why this diet will be different (I know it is not a diet, but I just smile and move on), I do believe it is the mental shift from justification to confrontation that is my secret weapon. Because, in the end it is our ability to manage choices, change innate and ingrained behaviors that will enable our success with the band. It is also why I was not really upset about my banding date being pushed out.   I have begun to view this battle like a great game of chess, if you are not thinking 3-5 moves ahead, you will lose. Bobby Fischer was famous for sacrificing his queen, and other odd behaviors, to set up elaborate traps for his opponents. I find myself thinking, or at least trying to think like Bobby Fischer, trying to anticipate how my demented mind will use seductive traps next, how I can repel those attacks and finally trap those demons into dead end moves. It is a laborious process, but it helps me know the enemy and defeat those demons without defeating myself.
Cingulus

Cingulus

1
 

Changing the Final Goal from 240 vs. 197Lbs

In one of my earlier blogs, I had set a target goal of 240 lbs, and later I changed it 197lbs. My wife asked me why I had made the change. The answer if both simple and complicated at the same time…From a logical engineering point of view I looked at my lean body mass measurement (206 lbs) and added 15% to that picked 240 as a target. Then as I thought about the likely fact that my lean body will probably drop, I began to rethink the target and changed my expectations to about 200lbs and those are the data driven reasons behind the change. Second, I thought about some of my historical, desired and emotional targets and remembered that 197lbs was my high school wrestling weight and since that was a) close to my technical target :tounge_smile: it would break 200lbs and get me into “onederland”…it seems like a good thing to shoot for. The other thing I was thinking about benchmarks of weight for my height, build and desired configuration. I am 5’ 8” tall and have always, even while being fat, been an avid weight lifter so I am not going to be scrawny guy. The best target analog I could come up with was an NFL running back. Most of them are 5’ 7” – 6’ 0” and weight between 190 and 230 lbs. Finally, as a really big stretch goal (and some PS will probably e required) was to look at my all-time favorite body—Frank Zane. Frank Zane was not the biggest, but he had tremendous symmetry, balance and grace. So here are my key targets for the journey:   • 1. Break 300 (I have not been under 300 since 1992)   • 2. Break 271 (The highest weight I weighed when I fought competitively)   • 3. Break 225 (Average NFL running back weight at 5'10")   • 4. Break 197 (My high school wrestling weight)   • 5. Hit 174 (Frank Zane's weight when he won the 1977 Mr. Olympia)  
Cingulus

Cingulus

1
 

I Have a Lap for the Laptop?

I had a shocking revelation today. I was able to use my lap for a laptop. I have never done this before. Then it dawned on me, I have been fat since before there were laptops…ouch. I really should not be surprised, but I am. I believe this qualifies as one of those NSVs, but it was still somewhat disturbing that I have been fat longer than laptops have existed. I do travel almost every week for my job and I have over 3,000,000 miles on American Airlines alone, and about that many on United and other airlines. I even bought my roll-aboard suitcase because it made a good table for my laptop when I was on the road. OK…probably not the most earth-shattering event ever, but very helpful anyway.
Cingulus

Cingulus

1
 

Lapband Decathlon

I feel like I am in training for the Olympic decathlon, trying to balance the ten events of LapBanding:   1. Seminar – A hurdle cleared with ease…   2. Doctor Visit – A short, but grueling barrage of questions…   3. Head Doctor – Yes, it is just a cigar…Get over it…No I don’t want to talk about my mother…   4. Blood and EKG – 100 Yard dash of testing, seemed to be done to quick to matter, but who cares we move forward   5. Payment/Insurance (Self pay in my case) – Need to pay off my biggest CC so I can use it, getting Cashier’s checks are too much of pain and this way I can’t get the amount wrong.   6. Pro-op Fasting (Shrink liver…Shrink) – In process, but this is a longer run…   7. Pre-op day prepping – Set for April 21   8. Surgery – Set for May 6th   9. Recovery – Got the big body pillow to sleep on…My wife calls it my new mistress…further comments on this subject can only result in me saying something self-destructive.   10. Be a good Lapbander and follow the program – Making plans, as Bobby Knight would say, “Prepare to Win!”
Cingulus

Cingulus

1
 

A Knights Tale

One of my all time favorite movies is “A Knight’s Tale.” In one of the key scenes, William, our intrepid hero; played by the late Heath Ledger, is told by his father “a man can change his stars, and make a new and better life.”     It is that spirit that surrounds this Lapband community. So for those of you who have people who doubt, alienate or deride you for “taking the easy way out”…stand true. You have chosen to “change your stars” and it can be a lonely road. However, truth be told, it was always destined to be a bit lonely because only you can make those changes. So take heart…there is a place where others understand, and you can find new strength and renew your purpose.   I struggled with this choice for many years, my wife and mother both encouraged me to look at Lapbanding. I have found tremendous help and hope in the many pages of this forum. For those of you struggling with this choice remember “it is better to do the hard right thing vs. the easy wrong thing.” For many, life’s journey has brought us here and offered us new way to “change our stars.” Often we have to do things that others will never comprehend, if you know this is the right thing to do for you and those you love…persevere. Then, take the road less traveled, be true to what you know is right, love and forgive the detractors for they are sorely misguided and follow your true knight’s heart forward in the face of all adversaries.
Cingulus

Cingulus

1
 

Cash, Cathartics and Compensation

Hello, As noted before, I will have to self pay for the LB. I had been trying to figure out what combination of funds to jungle to make this happen and we figured that out last night. I find myself wanting to go in now and get this thing moving. I want to start and keep my motivation high. Second, despite not feeling the feeling a loss for foods I won’t be eating going forward I seem to be doing a final rush of eating in anticipation of the stringent changes to occur. The competitive side of me wants to peak my pre-op weight to set a “bigger loss” number. Intellectually, I recognize this behavior as childish and detrimental, but I have been thinking that way. In a twisted way, part of it is my competitive nature and part of it is the self destructive tendencies that got me in this whole in the first place. Go figure… Third, I think reading and car modification will become my new rewards system to celebrate vs. meals. That’s all for today.
Cingulus

Cingulus

1
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