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Blog 61341

A blog by Cingulus

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299?When One Pound Makes a Difference

I stepped on the scale today and for the first time since 1992, I saw a “2” in the first digit. Yes, it was only 299, but it started with a 2! If anyone is on the fence about getting the LapBand…let this blog be the reason you go forward with the process. Intellectually, I knew if I got the band, followed the rules this should happen. Hell we all know that, but experiencing it is just a tremendous relief… I did not do all of this for nothing. It is also a motivational driver for me. Emotionally, I can now tell myself. If you can make a “2” the first digit then you can make “1” the first digit. The other thing I was thinking about were benchmark/goals for my weight relative to my height, build and desired configuration. I am 5’ 8” tall and have always, even while being fat, an avid weight lifter so I am not going to be scrawny guy. The best target analog I could come up with was an NFL running back. Most of them are 5’ 7” – 6’ 1” and weight between 190 and 230 lbs. So here are my key targets for the journey: • 1. Break 300 (I have not been under 300 since 1992) • 2. Break 271 (The highest weight I weighed when I fought MMA competitively) • 3. Break 225 (Average NFL running back weight at 5'10") • 4. Hit 197 (My school wrestling weight) You have to move from the 300s to the 200s to make the 100s. It was only open pound, but it helps me believe that I can really make it this time, I did not waste $17,000 of my own cash and the hope of the LapBand is not an illusion, but an attainable goal.

February 19, 2010

9

Intimate Insecurities

The past week has been a bit trying for my wife and myself. We are both big people and as it turns out she has many medical issues that might preclude her from having the band. However, she did not want me to skip it the opportunity to be banded. I very grateful for this, however, as we were in bed a few nights ago, she seemed distant and distracted. I asked her what was wrong she said nothing. I did not believe her, but I let it lie (no pun intended). I have read many threads about couples who struggle to adjust to new bodies in relationships. I was beginning to sense that we might be starting to find some of those issues. I have dropped 80 pounds so far (pre and post op combined) and have another 90 to go, but obviously my body has changed. I have been shopping for new clothes and she has commented on how much the changes are noticeable. (Yes, the red flags should have been going off, but I am male…we can be oblivious sometimes) After a few days of thinking about it, she sent me and email saying that as we were in bed she could feel the changes in my body and she felt intimidated. We have been married for 26 years and the last thing I want is to have the band, or the results of the band, come between us. I told her not to worry…that I was not going anywhere, everything was fine…needless to say, that did not help. As our minds can do, we both started to feel a bit insecure and our imaginations started to get ahead of us. Last night, I was on my way to a Bon Jovi concert and it all kind of came crashing in around me. Before I left, she told me… you look so good, make sure you keep your hands to yourself. We laughed, but it was very strained. As I ran this over in my mind, this interaction and a number of others this week no longer felt right. I called her and asked if she was really OK. I am glad to report that she said yes, but she was also a bit freaked and, as it turns out, we both needed reassurances that nothing had changed between us. We both agreed that as we enter this new territory, it is vital that we are very clear about the internal reactions and thoughts that creep up with this kind of life change and that we need to share them so they don’t fester. The physical changes with the band are both amazing and exhilarating, but if they hurt our relationships with those we love the most, it can defeat the purpose and the value of doing the band. I still love my band and the progress I am making, but this week’s discussions and thoughts were a great reminder of how important it is to recognize that the mental changes are hardest and most challenging in this process.

February 28, 2010

8

See the Doc on 3/27

Hi Folks, So I go in for the first doctors consult on Friday 3/27/09. Although I have only been to the introductory session, I already find myself examining my pre-op meals. My mind is determining if I can have the food consumed in a post-op world. It is not a craving, or a sense of loss, but merely a scientific curiosity about how, or if, this food could be processed through the band. The thing that has really stuck me in mentally preparing for the LB is how much is to be gained through this process. I am sure during the pre-op diet and post-op liquids I may feel different, but I already find my mind set changing about food. I am acknowledging, to myself, that I can live without food X, Y or Z for the first time in my life. My biggest concern is addiction transference. In reading many posts, some people are offended to be labeled as food addicts, but I know that I am. So what will I do to control and manage the addiction? How can I positively use the obsessive nature of additions as a force for bodily good vs. evil? In my mind transference to exercise must occur to provide the tools for dealing with emotional/stress eating. Second, I need to find a new reward system other than nice meals. Thoughts and/or suggestions?

March 25, 2009

7

I Will Not Go Quietly Into Bandster Hell

We all know that the proper expectations with the band is to take things slow…have no weight loss expectations before the first fill and then expect slow, constant weight loss when we hit the “sweet spot.” My reaction to this sensible and well support council is a defiant NO! I am fully aware that this is a long term process, but I intend to accelerate it along as quickly as possible. I am not going to go through this process and personal costs (I am self pay) and not fight this battle as hard as I can with every weapon at my disposal. I am only speaking for myself, but I will not accept that I have to wait months to make progress after surgery. If I can make through almost 3 months of pre-op dieting then, I can make it through “Bandster Hell” bring on the devil, I will vanquish him with faith, determination and a single minded purpose. Yes, these are big words from a guy who has failed in the past, but I cannot and will not fail this time. I know it is easy for me to say this as a pre-op bandster…who has not been sitting up at midnight drinking broth that is not helping the hunger. However, we all know this measure of hellish circumstances is temporary and the empirical evidence supports that it can be overcome and this phase of the bandster cycle and have the success we all seek and need in our lives. OK off my self help soap box :w00t:

June 2, 2009

6

They Say Old Lovers Can be Good Friends?

I was reading a thread today by Arnaz…asking if we missed food. One of the responders made a great point about the answer will probably vary a great deal based on where you are in the Lapband journey. As many of you will note most of my blogs reference books, movies and songs. Earlier last year, I wrote a blog entitled, “Food…I Want a Divorce!” I was angry at myself and food. As I read the thread I was reminded of an old song from the 70’s by a guy named Paul Davis, I Go Crazy… that had the immortal words, “…they say old lovers can be good friends…” this kind how I view my relationship with food now. Food is no longer a lover that can be indulged with unbridled passion. I must keep some distance and boundaries. It is not to say that on occasion I don’t feel a twinge of desire and remorse, but it is fleeting and not filled with true regret. Under the heading of be careful what you ask for…The LapBand is making sure I now have a friendly relationship with food, not an amorous one. I am working with food in ways my intellect always told me I should, but my heart failed to let me execute. It would be safe to say, that food is a lover I/we thought to be secret and sought out in private, but our affair with it was displayed in public on our bodies. So in this case do I think my old lover can be a good friend? The answer has to be an emphatic Yes! If we don’t find a way to bridge that gap we will all surely fail. Food is like the child(ren) in a divorce. Regardless of your other feelings, you have to suck it up and find a way to get along so you don’t hurt the people you love and those that have supported you through this process. It will be very, very hard at first, but with a little patience and practice the balance can be found because food is never going away. You have to build a new friendship with your old lover.

February 14, 2010

6

Been There, Done That?And Got the T-Shirt to Fit

I mentioned in one of my recent blogs that I went a Bon Jovi concert last week. The show was great and it was amazing watching women from 8-80 drool and swoon over Jon Bon. One of the rituals of going to almost any concert is getting the concert t-shirt. In the past, every time I pick a shirt I like, it is never available in my size 3XL or 4XL, which usually meant, I bought a baseball hat with the band logo instead. However, this time was different. Obviously, with the LapBand, I am losing weight so I asked what they had in 2XL and of course both of the shirts I wanted were available. So…thinking of the future I bought both shirts. I am glad to report that when I tried on the 2XL today it fit. I know this is a small victory, but it felt great and is one of those proof points that band is working and that I can do better in the future.

March 7, 2010

5

Orville Redenbacher is Satin?s Messenger

Saturday was day 10 post-op and was a day filled with some errands and we went to see the new Travolta flick “From Paris with Love.” Which was OK, but I would save the movie until it comes out on NetFlix. However, the point to this little epistle is…Popcorn. I walked into the movie theater and was assaulted by the smells of Popcorn. It was like listening to Satin whisper in your ear…it’s OK…a few bites won’t hurt…you have been good… you deserve it…it will be fine. It was so overwhelming I almost left the movie theater. CRUEL is the only word I can use. The reaction was so physical and visceral that I wondered if I had gone back in time to when I could scarf popcorn. After a few moments, my brain kicked in and suppressed my primal reaction to the smells. During the first round of pre-op prep, (I lost about 6 months due to some extenuating circumstances at work) I posted a blog about the real battle for the band was with my mind and avoiding my own tendencies to self destruct on my diets. Now the front in my band war has shifted from my mind to my nose. We always hear that each of our sense can be extraordinarily powerful. For me this is very true, and my nose and Orville Redenbacher hit me with a full fledge guerilla attack on Saturday, that I did not come close to seeing in advance. We now know that the nose is a mean bastard and he works for the darks side.

February 7, 2010

5

The Deed is Done?Don?t Let the Villain Rise Again

So the deed is done, i have the band and this story will not end like most bad blockbuster movies with the heroes having triumphed and the villain has slithering away to return in the squeal do next summer. Screw That! After getting banded I have no interest in seeing the weight-loss sequel. I just want the pounds-I-have-to-lose villain dead. One of the things I loved about the movie “Taken” is the Liam Neeson’s character does not try to be to be heroic. He is simply on a mission to find his daughter and take her home. He systematically finds the next bad guy, beat the crap out of him for the information he needs, then kills them so they can’t come back to haunt him. In the final scene, he does not taunt and gloat over the villain giving them a chance to cleverly get away. He simply shoots the ultimate villain and takes his daughter home. Now that I have the band, that is my plan for the pounds I have to lose and they are the villain. I plan on killing them cleanly and quickly with little fuss and no parades. Yes, my testosterone is talking, but I am a guy…deal with it. I am three days post op and went to the gym, did 30 minutes on the elliptical and I am hunting down those evil pounds like they have my daughter and I her want it back. My 26th anniversary is coming up and my wife asked me today if I wanted anything special. I told her no. My mission right now is to kill those villainous pounds and stay focused on the target. Those who have read some of my past blogs know I can be a bit over the top…and I am. However, that does not change my conviction and mission to make a great movie about losing weight , the villain will die at the end and there will be no sequel.

January 31, 2010

5

The Middle Seat...No Kevin Smith Was Not on The Plane

No one likes the middle seat on airlines. However, for years I have watched people eye me with disdain for fear that I will be the person in the middle seat next to them. In many ways I do feel for them, when a guy pushing 400 lbs, looks at them and says, sorry dude, that seat is me. They know this is going to be an uncomfortable flight for everyone. I remember so many times walking down the isle of coach seating seeing people praying that I walked past them, I could hear the expulsion of the breath they were holding when they saw me coming and then move past them. As I said I don’t always blame them, some days I did, it pissed me off, and it was a bit humiliating at the same time. As I got on the plane last night, I thought about Southwest Airlines and them asking people to buy two tickets or kicking people off for taking up to much room. However, on my most recent flight I got stuck in the middle seat and while it will never be comfortable, it was far more manageable. I did not get kicked of the plane and it was not a CNN story for which I am very grateful. Much like going to the dentist, the middle seat will never be fun, but it is significantly easier.

March 4, 2010

5

The LapBand?Is it the Easy Way Out?Who Cares if it Works

I can’t believe how much this topic comes up on the forum…”is the LAP-BAND® the easy way out…” http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f15/banded-living-ez-way-out-111243/ I am sure like most things there are as many opinions as there are people. I guess the net-net of my thoughts is who cares if it works. I love the help I am getting with the band and I don’t really care that I got help…I am getting the results I and looking for. Yes, I still have a long way to go, but I am half way there. I have not been under 300LBS in 20 year so I love taking the easy way out for those that want to call it that. Some people will get it and support us, some will not care one way or the other and unfortunately some will be ardently against the band. Unfortunately, this vocal group of detractors tends to be those closest to us…in many cases. It is fairly easy for me to be caviler, since I have a very thick skin and my immediate family talked me into doing the band. However, I continue to be amazed how much hardship others go through. I really do hate that fact so many people get so much resistance to helping themselves. I have some thoughts about this and here are my thoughts: 1. Is the band the easy way out…I have to say YES, I do think that the LAP-BAND® makes things easier…and I am glad it does…and I don’t care that it is easier. I have been much more successful with the band than without it. Let’s face it. if this was easy we would not have decided to use the band. Does that mean that it is simple and does not take work? Obviously the answer is no. It takes focus, patience, following the rules and persistence to make the band work, but it has been easier than trying to do it on my own. 2. Is the band the easy way out…some same NO, it is not the easy way out. You still have to do the same work for Pre-op, surgery, post-op, controlling what you eat and exercise. You can each Ben and Jerry’s all day and the band will not work. To me this is a question of perspective. As I said above, this one of many cases, where my opinion really does not matter. It is about what you feel. The problem is you will never convince those who have not been fat and been stuck in a fat body. They can’t really understand, and most of the detractors don’t want to comprehend the challenges. There are myriad reasons why some folks will think this is the easy way out. They are jealous, they are cruel, they are misinformed, they don’t want to see you change, they only feel better if others are worse off than them, they have low self esteem, they are afraid for you regarding surgery, they heard bad things, they read an article that said XY&Z and the list goes on. You have to do the pre-op alone, the surgery alone, chose the right foods alone, exercise alone and live with the choice alone. All of us who have had the band were required to make these choices alone and that is the key. In the end the choice to change and be better is done alone. Others might help and support, but only you can make the changes so ignore those who would hold you back, belittle you or otherwise hamper you from being everything you want to be in this life.

March 9, 2010

4

Half Way There - 88 Down?88 To Go

I weighted in this morning at 285 pounds, otherwise known as the half way point…88 pounds down and 88 to go. Not to say that the next 88 will be easy, but finally being able to see the downhill side of this is program is an amazing feeling and very motivational. I could not have done this without the help and support of many people, my wife in particular. The funny thing is I have not really even hit restriction. I am at 7CCs in a 14CC band and just beginning to find the edges of restriction. I have another fill planned for April 9th and that should take me to 8CCs and hopefully put me into the green zone. My doctor insists that the green zone means that three 8oz meals will keep you satisfied for the day. I am still not sure about that, but we shall see as the band gets fuller. I had hit my first plateau in early March and was stuck for about 2 weeks at 290. I made a major change to my exercise program PX-90 Boot Camp Classes and higher reps weight lifting, versus heavy weights and elliptical. This change really got things going again. I dropped 5 pounds this week and can really feel my body is charged up again and moving in the right direction. I had been doing the previous work out routine for the better part of 6 months so it was definitely time for a change. I look forward to finishing the second half of the game.

March 26, 2010

4

Righteous Restriction

Finally…fill number 4 seems to have done the trick. I have been working closely with one PA at my doctors to find restriction. Each week I have been providing them a detailed food and exercise log. We reviewed my food log and how long 8 oz. meals were lasting (2-3 hours) and agreed that another fill was appropriate. However, they took a very different approach this time. Instead of picking a fill amount and then seeing how it went over the next few weeks. They drained the entire band and then refilled the band while I was drinking water until it would not go down anymore them they backed things off to let a little go through. Prior to this I have felt a definitive ceiling on food consumption (10-12 oz) so I can’t complain that it was not helping…but I never felt like I was experiencing restriction. This is the first time after a fill that a protein shake has had to be drunk in stages. I have gotten away without chewing everything to death; I have certainly slowed down and did chew much more than in the past. However, going forward I am definitely going to have chew much more carefully. I am back to liquids for a few days and finally feel confident that I will be finding a long lasting restriction experience this time. It is good to feel that I am finally getting what we paid for…Despite not having had a full restriction experience before this, I am thrilled with the things the LapBand process has done for me to this point. I am down 98 pounds so far, including pre-op, and have 78 more to go. My goals is to get the last 78 done over the next 6 months and then stabilize for a few months, so I can use our annual shutdown in December to get some PS done and have those 2 weeks to recover for the New Year. It is pretty clear I will have to get reductions on the waist and my “moobs.” (sorry…probably under the heading of TMI)

April 10, 2010

4

Tray Table Down?Really the Tray Table Went Down

As I type this blog, I am sitting in a coach seat with my tray table down and it is flat. My stomach is not in the way, I did not need a seat belt extension and my laptop is open. This is the first time in the past decade I have been able to do this. I always used to cringe when my boss would say…”Oh you have a 6 hour flight you can work on this on the plane…” this usually meant performing some form of cramp induced typing contortions and annoying the person next to me. Today, it is different, and I am somewhat amazed. As I have mentioned in many other blogs I travel very often with my job and have spent years mastering the Yoga of Airline seats. I have studied the lay of most of the major jets and can tell you which seats have the windows in the right spots so I can lean my shoulders into the window cavity. I used to carry in my computer bag 3 extension cables, one for American Airlines planes, one for Untied Airlines Planes and one for Southwest airlines. I will not go so far as to say I am comfortable in airline seats now, that would be going way too far and I still think they are built for people who only weight 100 pounds or kids under 12. However, it is getting easier to travel and that is a huge NSV for me.

March 3, 2010

4

It?s Not Bandster Hell?It?s the Waiting Room of Band Opportunity

I read few blogs today of folks that are in the proverbial Bandster Hell. Some are eating and frustrated, some are using Weight Watchers to fill the void and others are just hungry. I do think that LapBand medical community needs to be a little more effective in helping people through this phase of the process. My take on things is they do a great job upfront with the sales pitch and the pre-op prep. I think most doctors do a good job with the operation day and the basic post-op recovery. However, there seems to be a decided gap between the operation and the restriction phase of the band process. Which as we all know has been labeled Bandster Hell or BH for this blog. So for those of you in, or approaching BH, here is a check list to think about: 1. Avoid Consumption as Usual – it seems fairly common that once you are basically healed, many people can eat all they want and some like to test the limits of what you can eat. Needless to say this is not what we want to do. Just, assume that you can eat like the old you, but don’t do it.  2. Prepare a BH Menu – Knowing the BH is coming, plan a special menu that is healthy and helps you keep the right habits until you have restriction. I would plan it just like you were at restriction just don’t beat yourself up if the portions are bigger during this time. One person was doing Weight Watcher, some do South Beach, but whatever it is knowledge and planning are power here. 3. Focus on 5-6 Meals a Day – For me the best way to manage BH is to get some 8oz dishes with lids (I got mine at Smart and Final) then plan on eating every 3-4 hours. This keeps me focused on small meals, but allows me to have some extra healthy food. 4. Get Your Protein – Use Whey Protein to help you get enough protein. I mix mine with yogurt and blueberries, oatmeal and other foods to load up on it. 5. Focus on Exercise – This is a great time to get your exercise program going and that will help you interim weight management, and make the time when you do have restriction more productive. 6. You Are Not Failing – BH is part of winning in the long term. You are supposed to go through this part of the journey. Don’t beat yourself up. This time is available to you to prepare for the restriction phase of the process 7. You Did Not Do This For Nothing – Reading hundreds of these threads from folks who have walked through the valley of BH, all agree when you get to the other side it will be worth it for you. You did not deal with Pre-Op, spend the money, or go through surgery for nothing. 8. Embrace the Process – This is one of the stages of BH, don’t fight it, make it work for you. Focus on picking good foods, get your body in better shape with exercise and focus on the positive. Like many of you I am trudging my way through BH. I am staying focused getting to the other side and finding the promised land of restriction.

March 5, 2010

4

So About That Tiger Woods Apology?

I wish they would take it off the air and just let him talk to his wife (assuming she is still talking to him)…I could not resist the head line. But…it did get me to thinking…that I do owe a great of thanks to my wife and sons who have been very supportive of my LapBand process. I have read so many posts of people who are ostracized or belittled for seeking or having the LapBand done. It continues to amaze me how much grief others have to go through just to help themselves. Undoubtedly, there are thousands of different reasons, fears, jealousies and circumstances the lead to the comments made by family and friends of those who don’t understand. All I can say is sometimes you have to make choices on your own and live by your convictions. Best of luck to those that don’t get all the support you deserve, it will be with it in the end. Now back to CNNs biggest news story and debate about the credibility of Tiger’s apology, was he sincere enough…was it better than when Kobe apologized. I think the marriage is shot…Tiger give it up, go back to being the best golfer in the world, keep your head down, be the best father you can be to your kids and stop whining to the globe. The world and endorsement folks will forgive and forget for the most part if Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan, Bill Clinton, Alex Rodriguez and others are any example. Welcome the world of mere mortals.

February 20, 2010

3

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

Yesterday was the first day of trying the liquids to lose my required 20 lbs. It was a great test of my cognitive programming. I went to Trader Joes to buy a supply of drinks and liquid vitamins. As I was driving to the store, I noticed signs for two new restaurants in my area (PF Changs and the Yard House), my initial reaction was, cool I love their…oh shit can’t do that anymore…ok must re-boot and upload new behavioral code. I was both dismayed at my Pavlovian training towards food and pleased to be able to recognize the behavior for what is was and manage the reaction. Next, I went the gym, and ran a few errands. However, while I was out my wife sent me a text and asking for some items from the grocery store…ok, not a problem, it was a short list. I picked all of the other the stuff and went over to the deli counter for the final item…sliced turkey, at the counter they handed me the first slice as a sample and I ate it without thinking. Damn, busted by my own reactions. Now, I realize that a single slice of turkey will not ruin an otherwise on target day of protein drinks, but it was amazing to me how ingrained the food response is in my life. I am sure most of you out there have had these moments of epiphany and have overcome them. Obviously, this event shows how much of the process is mental, not physical, but God I felt like the dog when bell rang. The final challenge of the day was going to bed, the stomach growled, and I can’t sleep when I am hungry. Not to fear…I did go find another protein drink and got through the night, but as I was thinking about my eating habits, it became clear to me the night time is my greatest challenge and I have to come up with a new plan for laying myself down to sleep…I tried, Enter Sandman from Metallica, but that did not work either. I think I will have to start some herbal teas or something else. I told my wife sex every night would help…I am male after all. So what do you guys do to get through the night time munchies?

March 29, 2009

3

Lead Me Not Into Temptatoin

Back to work on Monday and had to face the first lunch on the liquid diet. I took my Slim-Fast with me to Red Robin and ordered an Iced Tea to drink. It was odd, since everyone felt the need to feed me, when I was fixed on having just my protein drink. I got through one of the first hurdles, on dealing with public eating. Just a short post for today.

March 30, 2009

3

Living Life 10 Pounds at a Time

OK, I know it is a cheesy line, but in the first “The Fast and the Furious” Vin Diesel says “…I live my life 10 seconds at a time and for those ten seconds nothing else exists…” That is kind of how I feel about my life with the LapBand right now. I am staying focused on going from 290 to 280 to 270 and so on. I am also letting many other things go. I am focused on my food log, keeping my macro nutrients in the proper balance and making sure that I getting to the gym everyday possible. I have found myself declining invitations or showing up late to events so it does not interfere with my gym schedule. • Monday – Personal Trainer Day (Weights and Cardio Intervals) • Tuesday – Boot Camp Class • Wednesday – Personal Trainer Day (Weights and Cardio Intervals) • Thursday – Boot Camp Class • Friday – Weights and Elliptical • Saturday – Weights and Spin Class • Sunday – Yoga and Elliptical We have our quarterly sales review next week, and I declined the team dinner invitation for Tuesday night because I did not want a big meal (but now that I have restriction it would be very small) nor did I want to skip my training schedule. I know it is a bit obsessive… I don’t feel like I am giving up life, it is simply a high level of focus on a major goal in my life…much like pursuing an MBA at night. Sacrifices have to be made to get to the goal. So, right now I am living my life 10 pounds at a time.

April 11, 2010

3

99 Pounds of Fat on the Wall?

So I sit at 296, 99 pounds of fat from my goal weight. I am sure you can hear the song ringing in your head so here is my version… 99 pounds of fat to fall 99 pounds of fat Lose one pound, it hits the ground 98 pounds of fat to fall… Ok it’s dorky, but I am in one of those moods…Keep on singing 

February 26, 2010

3

The Opportunity of Being Delayed, Determined?but not Disappointed

For a variety of work related issues my banding has been moved out about 30 days from May 6th to June 8th. First, I would like to thank folks who have expressed their support. Second, I am somewhat relieved, odd as that might sound. I have been making good progress on losing weight with the pre-op liquids and kind of want to keep it going. I have been able to hit the gym almost every day and figure the better my physical condition before the surgery, the more likely it will be successful and the easier recovery will be. Third, my delay was related to some one time external events that can’t really be controlled. Given some of the horror stories I heard about insurance hassles and lack of family support I have read about, this is a minor compared to other trials. I don’t mean to get all “Tony Robbins” on people, but, determination is at the core of the LB lifestyle change. You have to be determined to make the changes, eat appropriately and exercise…especially exercise. Despite the delay, I look at this as a way to test my determination and resolve before is shelling out $16K. If I can’t handle a 30 day delay, how will I handle a full life time of change? This is a great opportunity prove to myself and those I love, that this is a real change, not a transient trend that goes away at the first obstacle. I am not disappointed, I am actually grateful for the opportunity to keep demonstrating that I can exhibit the properly modified mindset for LapBand success (Yes, I am ignoring the possibility of failure. As they said in Apollo 13…”failure is not an option…”).

May 5, 2009

3

I Funny Thing Happened on the Way to The Doctors

So I got up this morning expecting to go Dr. Oliak’s office for my pre-op day and shit happened. I got a call from my PR firm says that my company had just received an unsolicited take-over bid. As you can imagine we had a firestorm of activity and communications work that have to be done with industry and financial analyst, customers and partners. Since, I run the outbound marketing group; needless to say, I had to make a change of plans and go to work instead. I called the Dr.’s office thinking my surgery date would get pushed out; fortunately they moved my pre-op day to May 5th, the day before my surgery. Today is a great example of learning to roll with the punches and taking life on its own terms. You never really know when life will change direction on you. Regardless of whether this acquisition deal goes down or not is not really material. What is amazing is how many meetings and actions seemed vital last night, got dismissed as irrelevant today. I think this is a great perspective check. You have to ask yourself what is really important and how is just activity to fill the void.

April 21, 2009

3

The Season is Over?Get Ready for the Playoffs

As I think about my banding experience it reminds me of a football season. You have training camp where you get your head right, study the play book and get your body ready for the season. Obviously, I correlate this to the pre-op phase of the LapBand. We all find teams (Doctors), get focused (shrinks, blood work etc.) and get our bodies ready (per-op diet) for the season opener. During this time we go through a roller coaster of thoughts, experiments, doubts and moments of conviction…but we persevere. Then, the big day arrives and we kick-off weight loss season…so nice that this works with the WLS acronym we use :thumbup:. We are then off to the play the first game in the season of weight loss. Like football, I feel the first half of your weight loss target like the regular season. You have to win these games to qualify for the playoffs, but they are a means to an end. We live through those tender days of the post-op, the really tough days of bandster hell and then we find some level of restriction. During these days you are playing games with pounds…some days you win and some you lose, but you keep grinding it out and before you know it you are half way there. These battles are not always very glorious, or fun, but they are required to get to second half of the goal. I call this the play offs. This is where the band should really earn its money. I have lost the first half of the weight at least 4 times in the past 20 years. It is the second half that is where I have failed, or to use this blogs vernacular…I get knocked out in the first round of the play-offs. I crossed the line into the play-offs a few weeks back at 88lbs down. I have dropped another 13 in the past few weeks and sit at 101 lost, 75 to go. This to me is the play-offs. This is where we separate the winners from the losers...or should I say the big losers from the “band approved” losers. I don’t know about you, but I refuse to accept the fact the band will only help me lose 50-60% of my excess weight. Hell, if that was the case I could declare victory at this point. However, that is not why I did this. At 5’8” and 272 pounds I still have a BMI of 30 and would still almost qualify for surgery. Needless to say, that is not what I signed up for. I have cross one of the major miles stones of 100Lbs lost (per and post-op), but I still have 75 more to go to hit my goal. What is next? Now is the time to step up the game, make the workouts more intense and more varied to keep the weight loss engine going. Craft a more targeted diet with lower fats, better carbs and higher protein…I am now running about 160G/day…got to love MuslceMilk CytoSport 45g/bottle for 300 calories. So I am stepping up the game in play-offs. I don’t want to lose in the first round anymore. I want to loss enough to be fit, normal, proportional or whatever you call it. But 272, is not that, so I have told my LapBand the season is not over and we still have at least 75 lbs of work to do.

April 14, 2010

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From Fat to Furious

I just saw the fourth installment of Fast and the Furious. I am a gear head, so this movie was easy for me to like, but even my wife liked it as well. It certainly is not high theater, but for what it was supposed to be I gave it a “B+.” All of that aside, I looked at Vin Diesel in the movie and said, to myself, for once in my life I could look like that…wear clothes like that and look good doing it. I was so pumped up I went to the gym again after the movie. I know styling you goals after actors is a bit shallow but, hell…2/3s of the reason I am doing this the vanity factor. Does health matter? Yes. Do I need to lose weight for my joints? Yes. However, I am still focused on the results, it is a key motivator for me. I know my size has hurt me in my career, I know it has cost me promotions in the past, and I do believe it will hinder me going forward if I don’t get it fixed. Despite, all of those rational reasons, I am sick of being fat and I want the emotional and psychological benefits of improved looks…I think I here Carly Simon singing a song 

April 6, 2009

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The Waiting is the Hardest Part?

In the immortal words of Tom Petty, “the Waaaaaiiiting is the hardest part.” I know that I am only 5 days post-op. I don’t want to wait for day 365. I know I will do the work and follow the right diet. I just want that year to be over so we get to those highly desired AFTER photos. I had really thought that going back to work would distract me and help me let time slide by, but alas that is not the case. I am neurotically thinking about the band and getting to the gym. Today was my first day back at work and the first thing I found out…my port is at just the right high to hit my desk. I found a new chair just one extra inch higher and that was enough…you have no idea how hard it is for me not make off-color jokes here…no men never really grow up. OK back on topic. I am fortunate that I can keep a small refrigerator in my office and it is stocked with new protein drinks…I went back to MuscleMilk, Optifast SUCKS! I have plenty of Jell-O cups and some Isopure drinks. Since I am posting this blog during my thrilling staff meeting today, I guess that confirms my distraction level. I can now confirm that the process is not that bad, but the waiting is truly the hardest part.

February 1, 2010

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The Check is in the Mail

The Check is in the Mail So I got a call from Dr. Oliak’s office yesterday outlining the exact payment details, $16K total: • One Check for the Hospital $7,000 (cashier’s check or CC) • One for the doctor $8400 (Did not specify the grade of payment?) • One for Anesthesiologists $600 (But leave the name blank so it can be filled in after the surgery, and they will take a personal check for 600, ahh…the trust I realize they need to be paid, but they really need some polish in how they deliver the message. I know some other places cost less, but I felt comfortable with the team and that is worth a bit more. I continue to be filled with anticipation and ready to get this going. 24 hours to get the show on the road. I hope I can start the pre-op diet on Saturday.

March 26, 2009

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