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Fear, loathing, and dissappointment

My Journey Begins I just went to the information seminar this week.. It has taken me 6 years and many more pounds to realize I simply can't do it myself. I heard about lap band surgery shortly after it was FDA approved in 2001 and have quietly looked up information in the ensuing years. In that time I lost 30 pounds only to gain it all of that back plus another 40. My most recent disappointment was trying Weight Watchers again after seeing my sister lose some weight (she is not obese). Now I'm 320 pounds and suffering from high blood pressure, auto-immune disease they are calling rheumatoid arthritis, high cholesterol, and sleep apnea. It won't be long until I'll have to add diabetes to that list.   I am simply a lump on the sofa. I can't enjoy ANY physcial activity. I'm married 2 years ago and while my husband loves my curves, I've become more and more incapable of doing the fun things we used to. Now, unless it involves riding in a car, I'm not able to do anything physcal. You can't antique shop from the truck window.   I spent many years in 12-step programs so I brainwashed myself into thinking that surgery was never an option. I've come to realize that surgery is not an option onto itself, but a tool to be used in conjunction with a sound food plan. Surgery takes away the "stuffing your face" option or portion control issues. These have historically been my problems.   My hope is that by losing weight, by energy level will increase and I can become more physically mobile.   At present, the Lap Band is the way I want to go. I like the idea of not re-routing my digestive system. I will, however continue my fact finding process before making the final decision with my surgeon.   SO, there is hope for the first time in many months. I have been going through a very depressed time and now that I finally surrendered and made the decision to move forward with surgery, I find myself in a better place.   Now it's on to the insurance company. I know they do not simply exclude the surgery so we must demonstrate medical necessity. What I don't know is if they (Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Western New York) will require medically supervised diet for a time period.   My health is is serious trouble and is only worsening. I survive on pain killers from the pain of moving due to the "arthritis". I'm not convinced I have arthritis so much as I think it is one more complication of my obesity. Regardless, I think that by weight, eating better, and becoming more active physically, the "arthritis" will disappear or at least be greatly relieved.   My husband, my mother, and my sisters are solidly behind my decision to do what I must to get better. Although my hubby will be sad to see my curves melt a way, he will be happy that I'm feeling better.   And so my journey begins. My goal is to blog a record of this journey. I want to move past Fear, loathing, and dissappointment to Hope, Love, and Sucess.
melinlej

melinlej

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