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food for thought...

many thoughts... so far lost 71 pounds in 10 months. I think its awesome and I definitely could not have done it without the band. I never thought I could be a pant size 8... it's amazing. However I have some doubts and worries... 1. People at work are always looking at me... I know it sounds paranoid, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. 2. I get tons of attention both negative and positive. 3. Im worried b/c I haven't told people about the band... and I don't want them to know but at the same time I almost feel like Im being dishonest. 4. Without the band I can't control myself around food. but with the band I find myself wanting to eat even when Im not hungry, or when I know Im at the brink of vomiting... Ill still try to eat more and then end up vomiting. Its absolute insanity. 5. I want to be at goal weight in a year...I have two more months and Im hoping I don't set myself up to fail. 6. despite what everyone tells me....I still see myself as a fat person... trying to cope with that. 7. New love interest... do I tell him that I am banded? 8. Still battling a war with food even with the band. HEAD HUNGER KILLS! 9. I get anxious going out to eat or around people with food and even having to eat in front of people... 10. Scared to gain weight back... and I am forever ffffreeeeezing! 11. LOVE SHOPPING! lol   any thoughts guys! thanks
IsabellaP84

IsabellaP84

6
 

Lapband blues...

so on april 13th 2010 will my a year since I've been banded. Today I went for my annual esophagram... the band is nicely in place, however my esophagus is irritated with ulcers due to my habit of regurgitation.. :-( my surgeon prescribed me meds and she said it will clear up if Im consistent with the meds for one month. Plus I gained 1 pound since last visit a month ago. This was not a good appointment, I happy for the meds because I feel pain in my throat. and she said that I will def feel better. I feel like Im letting myself down on this journey...I wanna take control again. I feel part of my problems are b/c I feel I can eat like a normal person again (which I never ate normal, I always OVER ATE) I feel that I can binge eat on the things I love, knowing very well they aren't going to stay down! this is so upsetting. Today, Im starting a new path to getting back on track the only reason I only gained 1 pound is because I workout like a maniac! I got back in one month, I wanna show her that I can control myself. She wouldn't tighten the band today either, which made me annoyed.... I needed her to so that I could lose more weight, but since I had this problem she wouldn't, which is completely understandable. oh well...Im gonna write back in one month...   thanks for reading
IsabellaP84

IsabellaP84

1
 

out to eat...ahhh

so so so nervous, going out to eat with a bunch of people that do not know I am banded! One of these people is a new guy I've been seeing... sigh... this is going to be hard. They are gonna wonder why Im not eating my food, whether I like it, aren't you hungry? did u eat before you came? oh man... I hate going out to eat now...I used to love it, not I hate it... I can't wait for dessert lol I just want chocolate ice cream at this point... Eating has become a chore! wish me luck tonight! Pray I don't have another horrible run to the bathroom... should I eat fish thats flaky tonight?
IsabellaP84

IsabellaP84

2
 

out to eat...ahhh

so so so nervous, going out to eat with a bunch of people that do not know I am banded! One of these people is a new guy I've been seeing... sigh... this is going to be hard. They are gonna wonder why Im not eating my food, whether I like it, aren't you hungry? did u before you came? oh man... I hate going out to eat now...I used to love it, not I hate it... I can't wait for dessert lol I just want chocolate ice cream at this point... Eating has become a chore! wish me luck tonight! Pray I don't have another horrible run to the bathroom... should I eat fish thats flaky tonight?
IsabellaP84

IsabellaP84

2
 

horrible event...

so the day started off tight to begin with... while I was driving this morning to work I was sipping on flavored propel water...when suddenly I felt that stuck feeling...yes on liquid! this lasted about 15 mins...painful and very uncomfortable. I could not understand why I was feeling that...when I got into work I realized it was because I was stuck from the night before. I ate stupid dole pineapple chunks... and def. had one of those chunks in my throat all night needless to say, it showed up the next morning... that was horrible. So.. thinking that I would be all better, I went to grab a cup of coffee from across the street deli from work, while I was there I thought Hey! that chocolate covered biscotti looks awesome! Let me have one! Bad idea, managed to throw that up shortly after eating it...then I decided eating today was a bad thing, so I waited a few hours, and then while my students were eating their lunch I got jealous and ate a couple bites of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich...yum it went down fine, and I ate it happy that I could finally eat something again... well, an hour later, I was then driving home from work and trying my best to avoid pulling over and puke my guts out on the street... it was absolutely horrible and scary. I had to pull over and vomit, it was enough to the point I felt dizzy... gezz I really hate when that happens. I guess Im feeling slightly deprived of food these days...I almost feel like I need to devour everything in front of me, but I know I can't. Now I've been drink liquids all nite, trying to calm my stomach and let any swelling go down best I can... right now sometimes the liquids wont go down right. *Quick question the more you lose weight, does the tighter your band feel? Im now down to 138lbs...nearly a size 6 jeans!
IsabellaP84

IsabellaP84

2
 

Hooray!

So just got home from the doc's office. Last month when I went I had lost 18lbs! That was insane and I knew I was too tight. So she loosened up the band, I plateaued for a little while after that and this visit today, I only lost 2 pounds... I guess it's normal considering I lost so much the last time. Anyway Im still happy and celebrating because I did not gain any weight back and even still managed to lose some. Today she tightened it a small tad because I was still feeling hungry at times. But the real excitement is...I went to the mall and fit into a SIZE 8 JEANS! I cannot believe it! I don't remember being in the 1 digits before. I'm happy, and I love this decision. I have five months to go before reaching my goal weight. I hope I can do it, hittin the gym later, taking my multi vitamins, and getting in my protein. Liquids for 2 days and then onto mushies. I wonder what it's like to not obsess about food, weight and appearance? I wonder if that feeling will ever go away? Let me know guys... happy holidays!
IsabellaP84

IsabellaP84

2
 

all starting to sink in...

I can't believe it's Nov 1st already... the year is flying by. It has been 7 months since I've had my lapband in and it's amazing to have lost this much weight (58lbs so far). I never thought it was possible for me to be thin and now Im starting to believe. Its all starting to sink in a little more now. It's also been a year and 3 months since my brother died in a tragic motorcycle accident. I never thought I would be able to write that down anywhere... so many things have changed since then. I wonder what he would have thought about my weight loss? I wonder if he would have approved of the surgery? Im sure he'd be happy that my ex-boyfriend left me when he heard I wanted to have surgery. He wasn't supportive of it at all...I guess thats part of the reason I keep the surgery a secret. However, I start to feel like Im lying to people... but they do not need to know every detail of my life. Still struggling with that aspect. I am also struggling with being social with people because eating is such a social part of life. Everything we do is surrounded by food in some way. Its HARD! I don't regret this lapband procedure at all Im truly happy with it, and no one said it would be easy. I joined a new gym today! Im so excited to start working out again. I stopped when work started up, but now Im determined to find the time. I really can't wait! I'll be happy if I can make it there 3-4 times a week. Im trying to prepare my mind set for thanksgiving since I know I will be spending it alone, and I don't mind! lol It's better for me to stay away good tasting and smelling food. It just tempts me! It was bad enough I bought 20 bucks worth of halloween candy and only got 4 trick or treaters! now Im stuck with candy...Im gonna bring it to work. Make them fat! lol k Im gonna get going to watch the Yankee tonight! xoxo
IsabellaP84

IsabellaP84

4
 

Back to work, back to school, back to reality

So the first week of work went better than I expected. I got a great schedule of classes, my students ::keeping fingers crossed:: are a nice bunch of kids. And I've never heard so many compliments in all my life! At the end of each day I felt like a super model lol. Of course it wears off , until the next day when it happened again! haha it was a VERY fun week b/c I was finally feeling like something made a difference. This whole band experience has really changed my life...I didn't believe at first but Im starting to see it for what its worth. Mainly because of the boost of confidence I got from work. I guess I like being center of attention :thumbdown: Still have a long way to go but it"ll be even more worth it.   Being back at work and going to school part time, this week I've been able to get most of my protein in. I haven't had time to snack on junk food either. Now I need to find time to workout at the gym... once I get the hang of it Im gonna start going three times a week. K guys Im gonna go get a mani/pedi MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW!!
IsabellaP84

IsabellaP84

4
 

This may help weight loss.

Being off all summer and taking tons of mini vacay's and a couple huge vacations was tough on the DIET! Getting back to the grind might be just the thing I need to get back to losing! Last weekend to enjoy life and then it's back to lesson plans, grading, papers and exams again, school and work! ahhhh I work full-time as a teacher (5 days a week), and part-time grad school (4 days a week)... I might not have time to hit the gym as much as I want, but I do feel that the more I do, the more I get done, so who knows I might be able to get to the gym on the weekends, at least I hope so.   I find myself not really hungry... just a lot of head hunger... is there a band I can attach to my head?!? I feel I need to eat even if Im not hungry and sometimes even if I just ate something that wasn't satisfying. Trying to stick to proteins first, but carbs taste so much better lol, but Im pretty good about staying away from them. They get stuck a lot of the time. I think crackers are my worst addiction at the moment, they taste good... and feel good meaning they don't get stuck and Im not running to the bathroom.   So nervous to go back to work... I know they will notice my weight loss but they'll all say "how'd you do it?" since they don't know I'll have to tell them "portion control and exercise", which is true, so Im not lying. I wish I could have done a little better this summer with losing the weight... but I think Im losing slowly but surely... as long as its coming off I don't mind so much that it takes a little longer. Im trying to realize that everyone loses the weight at different rates.   Going back to work should be interesting... more than anything its hard being in front of 140 students all week... SCARY! why the heck am I afraid of KIDS!? Idk... I need confidence! grrr not at the point yet I guess. I still feel HUGE!   Sept 13th will be 6 months since surgery...so far lost about 40lbs give or take 2 lbs... lol I go for a fill on Oct 2nd, I gotta make sure I lose at least another 10lbs by the time the appointment... well at least try to anyway! This will be a busy week, month, year...   Work- 8-3 monday-friday School- 4-7 tuesday-thursday, saturday (8-5) Gym- monday, wednesday, sunday...   So for all of you out there starting work, or school I hope this kicks your weight loss up a few notches! GOOD LUCK!
IsabellaP84

IsabellaP84

2
 

Just had another fill

So I woke up Thursday morning at 4am with a major panic attack. Knowing that I had a 1pm doctors appointment with my surgeron for a fill. I was so nervous about it, not because of the needle or the fill...but because I had gone on two vacations previously and I thought for sure I would get to office and gain a million pounds back! However, it all worked out better then expected and I ended up losing an additional 8.6lbs! :frown: I was so happy, and she tighten my band some more, I told her that I still felt hungry from time to time. Which will help me because when I feel hungry I want to eat everything in site... and as a result I have to throw it all up within seconds because I eat way to fast. I explained that to her as well... and I LOVED her reply. she said "It's like when a tiger see's a zebra, it's just animal instict to go after it's food" That was important for me to hear, bc I thought something was wrong with me. I feel much better now, and I have been working out A LOT! Im still on liquids for today and mushies again for a couple days, then back to normal food again...I feel like Im in the zone or the "sweet spot" now. Allrighty thanks for listening guys! Good luck out there!
IsabellaP84

IsabellaP84

3
 

Day 1 of LOW CARB

So I've decided to try this out low carb style, since things haven't been working for me lately. I have no discipline and I'm losing control, I even think I gained 2lbs...and that really saddens me. I work out 3 times a week with a trainer that kicks my butt, and I feel like I don't eat that much... but I do know that I am choosing to eat the wrong things. I really want this to work and Im scared to sabotoage this. So here is DAY 1 low carb.   Breakfast: 1 Egg/ 1 slice of cheese Lunch: 1/2 cup refried beans/shredded part skim mozz. cheese Snack: Some Mixed nuts Dinner: 1/2 cup Chili drinks: water, diet coke, vitamen 10 cal water
IsabellaP84

IsabellaP84

4
 

Grrrrrr!!!

So here I'am...about the get surgery tomorrow (April 13th) wow this last month was the slowest ever but now I feel like I need a few more weeks... I guess I'm getting cold feet. Ive lost a total of 10bls on the 2 week liquids...and getting jealous of all the people on this site who said they did not have to do it for 2 weeks and/or they did not have to go through the entire day with just liquids but rather just partial liquids. Hmm... I know everyone's different blah blah... it's doesn't change the fact that I have no eattin anything for 2 weeks staight and that Iam HUNGRY and EXHAUSTED. Not to mention NERVOUS for tomorrow's surgery. Another thing that I cannot understand that I have read on this site...people who do not lose weight with the band...DUH!! If you eat ice cream everyday and throw a BIG MAC in the blender of course YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT! I undestand everyone is different...blah blah but I just cannot wrap my finger around that one. Alright Im in a pissy mood and it might explain everything. Im gonna go... Happy easter everyone.
IsabellaP84

IsabellaP84

4
 

Due for Banding on April 13th!!

I've been on the Pre-opt liquid diet for 8 days now, ill be going in to get banded on April 13th (next monday) Ahhh Im so NERVOUS! I lost 8lbs so far. This diet is so hard, but I feel like Im in control for once in my life! :wub: Im excited, I wonder how much weight Ill be able to lose? How will I do eating only mushie food for the first 10 days? I guess anything will be better then this liquid thing! Wish me luck on my surgery! 1 week away!   Starting: 215lbs Now: 208lbs Goal: 110lbs
IsabellaP84

IsabellaP84

6
 

Out of Surgery

I'm out of surgery from April 13th I got home around 7:15pm the surgery was at 9am. I cannot believe how fast it all went. Everything went so so so super smooth. She only had to give me two small incisions! I am so happy! I was nervous for nothing. After I woke up I got an anxiety attack but once they game me anti-nauseous meds, morphine and Ben-a-drill (however you spell it) I was knock out for hours and woke up feeling refreshed. I m in some pain right now but its about a 1-2 on the pain scale. I feel so relieved from all this. Thank you for all your support! Im gonna try to sip and walk as much as possible...but it's scary...I dont wanna throw up..
IsabellaP84

IsabellaP84

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