im sitting here at work with just 3 nights to go before my banding. and i have to say i am SCARED to death. ive never had any form of surgery or anesthesia before. and aside from being nervous im feeling like an idiot for eating myself to a point that im having surgery to help me lose weight.
i have a million random thoughts. do i really wanna do this? what happens if i do? what if i dont? im sick of not wanting to see myself naked in the mirror. tired of the constant guilt over every bite i put in my mouth. tired of felling like a failure for not being able diet successfully on my own. my mom died almost 10yrs ago at the age of 52. after years of suffering severe depression and being morbidly obese most of her life she committed suicide. my deepest fear since my mother's death is ending up as miserable and depressed as she was.
i dont expect this surgery to be a magic cure. i know it wont solve all my problems overnight. i just hope its worth. that its really a tool that i can implement to make a positive change in my life.
im a nurse and worked in a rehab center for a time. lately ive come to realize that food is truly an addiction just like cocaine or heroine. but its an addiction to a substance that you cant remove from your life completely.thin people tell me all the time to just stop eating so much and ill lose weight. would i have been able to tell one of my heroine addicts to just cut back a bit? to have 3 bags a day instead of 5?
as afraid as i am right now i really think this surgery is the right step for me. to be able to utilize a tool that will help me be truly successful.
