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my 3rd blog

So I FINALLY attended my 1st informational session. My foot is in the door. The way my surgeon's office works is that I have a list of things I must accomplish before I can even schedule a appointment with the surgeon. Once I have completed them all, then I will need to send in a completed packet to the office and wait for them to call me. The process seems kinda crazy, but the good thing is that I certainly can't rush into this without giving it plenty of thought.   I honestly believe that this decision has got to be the hardest decision i have ever made. Getting married, buying a home, having a baby, even choosing to have my entire thyroid removed...they were major decisions but I think they were obvious.   I just know that I need to lose this weight...and I need to do something now before it multiplies. I am just not comfortable in my own skin anymore. I hate how I can feel folds of fat touching other parts of skin...i hate the friction between my thighs and that they ruin every single pair of pants I own. I don't think I have co-morbities that coincide with my weight right now. But I know that if I keep going on as I am right now, I will get one.   I have chosen right now to only tell my husband, my mom, and a friend that I want to get the LB. I really don't want anyone else to know. While I do sometimes talk openly about being a fat chick to people, my weight issue is very personal for me. I am sensitive about it. It really sucks to have my flaw be so exposed to everyone. I don't like that people immediately know that I am lazy, weak, and obviously have food/body issues by just seeing that I am fat. I just don't think that alcoholics have to deal with that type of criticism since they don't have to wear every drink they ever had.   Well, anyways...I decided to tell my manager that I was exploring WLS. I only wanted to tell him because I knew that I would have to occasionally need to ask to leave work a little early for all of the doctor appointments and meetings I will need to attend. So I wanted him to know why. It was so incredibly hard for me to tell him...to the point where I had tears swell to my eyes. They weren't sad tears...I think it was my nerves. Well let me just say that I don't have a friendship relationship with my manager. He has no personality...i think he is part robot. So I told him that I wanted him to keep it confidential...even after I have it done. I was entirely embrassed after I spoke to him...I felt like a idiot. I just wish I hadn't cried. BUt I think that this is just such a personal thing to me...that I kinda got scared talking to someone outside of my circle about it. Makes it real.   My husband says that is going to support my decesion but he isn't too thrilled with it. He tells me that he loves me as I am...but I think he is just comfortable with who I am. However, I am sure he would love a hotter version of myself. He has been feeling insecure about it and thinks I am going to change the person I am when I lose some weight. I have told him that I am not doing this to change my life into something completely different. I love my husband, my son, my home , my life....I just want to improve it.
*barbara*

*barbara*

1
 

my 2nd blog ( i don't know what else to title it!)

So, it has now been over a month since I first decided that the LB was something I wanted to pursue and since I found this website...and a lot has happened since then! So lets begin...   First, on Feb 3rd I had a total thyroidectomy. For those who are not familiar with the term, I had my thyroid (which is butterfly shaped gland in your neck that regulates your metabolism) completed removed because I had a 2 cm begnin nodule. Initially, I was really apprehensive about the surgery but now that is done, I am happy I did. That is because they did find a itty-bitty amount of papillary carcinoma cells...aka cancer. No, the scar from the surgery isn't pretty but it is supposed to fade over the coarse of time. I have thought about buying new shirts just to hide it better but right now I think I am comfortable with it. It is what it is, and if anything it is my medal of honor that shows I made the right decision. I will post a picture of the incision that was done on my neck.   Next...on Feb 13th, I attempted to attend my lap band intro session. But silly me has been so busy day dreaming about losing weight that I got the times mixed up and showed up for the wrong session. In the words of Homer Simpson..."D'oh!" I stayed anyways just to listen but will need to attend the next intro session on 3/13 to actually get this ball rolling.   And finally on Feb 19th, I TURNED 30 YEARS old!!! Where have all of these years gone?!?! You know, I am not spooked by the number. I just can't believe I am 30. I remember being just a little kid and thinking 'omg, 13 years old is so far away...18 is so far away...21 is so far away...etc' and *BAM* now I am 30! Well, i hear that 30 is the new 20...so i have another 10 years till i turn 40.:cool2:
*barbara*

*barbara*

1
 

my first blog

I originally posted this on the message boards and I thought I could reuse for my first blog:   Hello everyone, So this is my first post here and here is my story… I am 29 years and I will hit the dreaded 30 next month. Not that I think 30 is old, I just can't believe that I am gonna be thirty and after all these years I have not be able to successfully manage my weight. Right now my scale is tipping at about 250. I haven't always been this fat. I would say that back in my high school days I was a little chubby. The last lowest weight I can last remember was 165 lbs in 2001. So I have gained 85 lbs in 8 years…wow. I have been happily married to my high school sweet heart for 6 years now and he is absolutely wonderful to me. He loves me as I am, no matter what. We have a awesome 18 month old son, who is the center of our universe. I was diagnosed with a under active thyroid (hypothyroid) when I was 16 years old. Both my mother and grandmother were also hypothyroid and overweight as well, so my all of issues are definitely built into my genetic make up. But I will admit that I have contributed to my 85lb weight gain by eating improperly and being lazy. We moved away from our family and friends right after we got married, so I have spent the last six years some what isolated from our loved ones. We happily spend every weekend lazy, in love and alone on our sofa. Fortunately my husband has been blessed with a amazing metabolism, and he is the same 160 lbs that he weighed on the day we got married. Now I will admit that I do have a food problem. But I am not a emotional eater. I actually lose my appetite when I am really upset. I am a 'bored' and 'lonely' eater. I snack when my husband isn't around. And I have no shame when it comes to making poor food choices…buffalo chicken, cheese burger, fries, pizza, chinese food…none of them any good. I have tried to lose weight in the past but always became easily discouraged and distracted when I didn't see any immediate results. I have always simply blamed my failed thyroid for holding me back. Although I know that is not 100% true. My life style certainly contributes. I saw a new endocrinologist a few years back and asked him if he had any insight on how I can approach weight loss while living with hypothyroidism. I mean, obviously he has seen plenty of patients with my condition…he must know someone who has had success. I just wanted him to share their secret with me. Should I give weight watchers another try…should I try jenny craig…should I see a nutritionist…can he give me a magic pill?!?!?! And then he gave me the old diet and exercise talk…as if I was stupid and never heard of it before. Ugh, whatever…thanks for nothing! I then decided to start seeing a new endocrinologist just because his office was closer to work and it was convenient. I asked him if he knew what the secret to weight loss was. Now before I tell you what he told me, I want to paint this visual for you. My endo is a 5 ft tall chinese man. He is straight from china and I really have to focus when he talks so I can understand his words clearly through his accent. He speaks very abrubtly and to the point. So when I told him that I don't believe I eat a lot but I just wanted know what he thinks I need to do, he told me…"it doesn't matter what you eat, just eat half! If the only thing you eat all day is a peanut, then only eat HALF a peanut the next day!" What?!?! As if that was even possible. I felt defeated again. But he actually seemed to take more interest in the health of my thyroid. He gave attention to a 2 cm nodule that my last endo identified and did nothing with. My new endo conducted ultra sounds and a biopsy. The biopsy results revealed that my nodule is non-cancerous but it was also not begin. My nodule cells are just irregular. They could remain irregular for the rest of my life or there is also the potential that they can become cancer at some point. Thyroid cancer is very, very slow growing. Regardless of what they are or would be, the option of having surgery to remove that part of my thyroid was completely in my hands. I could chose to monitor to the grow or I could choose to cut it out. So this is the part of my story that brings me here today...the whole idea of any type of surgery scares me. I don't want to be put to sleep and I know it is vain but don't want the scar on my neck. But I know that I want to live the rest of my life free and clear of the potential of cancer. My thyroid is sick to begin with and hasn't been working probably since I was 16 years old. I already take 224 mcg of synthetic thyroid replacement medication. I came to the conclusion that my thyroid is useless and they may as well remove the whole thing. My total thyroidectomy is scheduled for Feb 3rd. So I have been thinking about my endo's "half a peanut" theory and began to seriously consider lap band surgery. My mom has gastric bypass surgery a few years back and it has given her a new life. She has no regrets other than not doing it sooner. I want to live the next 30 years of my life differently from the way that I currently do. I want to run and play with my son. I want to look good standing next to my hubby. This posting is long enough, I am sure I don't need tell you guys everything that I want because I am sure they are same things that you want from life. So spoke to my husband, my mom and friend and I think I feel good about pursuing this. I am going to attend a Introductory Bariatric Meeting on 2/13. I know that this isn't the going to be the final resolution I was searching for. It is not a magic pill. But I believe that it a tool that will put me in the rigth direction. Thanks for your time!
*barbara*

*barbara*

1
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