:eek:I feel so guilty I was standing in line to get medications at the pharmacy and what does Safeway place right next to the phramacy a candy display. I actually stood there having again a mental fight with my " I want it it tastes so good voice ." and than my reasonable voice telling me you do not need that let it pass , find your SURGARLESS TRIDENT and stopp staring at it . Well the want side won and I actually found my self feeling like I had to hurry up eat the chocolate and don't let anyone see me doing it . I actually opened the candy wrapper still standing in the line and the need to hurry up and take a bit was unreal. This was my first time having any candy like this since Dec 25th . I continue to find myself struggling to eat 5 oz of food in a 20min spand according to what the doctor said. Seriously I sit there and wonder how much smaller can I cut the food up and oh yeah chew chew chew .He also states I need to wait for my first fill and possible next visit I will get it . I do realize that I am making progress by actually thinking about what I am putting in my mouth were before it was a free for all " Lets Eat " . I have started walking which before Dec I would not even make it to the 3rd house down the street and I have made it around the block YEAH and actually got up at 4:30am yesterday walked and feeling better. I geuss I need to set the guility feelings free and realize that I will be human and I did not become this way over night and it will take me some time to changes those Want Voices v.s the DO U Really Need this voices become the winners in the long run. :w00t:
I went to the Dr. on Monday expecting my first fill. I lost another 10 lbs since Jan 5th which I am informed is very good and need to wait another month to see if they will give me a fill. The worst part of the whole visit was being told that I can eat regular foods. It was like hiting a switch in my mind and bells going off like at the races. I am having the hardest time with my thoughts about food. It seems like an on going battle "do i eat this and or this " . I should be estatic that I have lost a total of 41lbs since 7/7/08 and 31 of them are 10 pre surgery and 21 post surgery. I just don't feel the same like I am actually missing my fat, the comfort zone and becoming someone I am not familar with . Even though I heard the bells go off that I could have food again it is a daily struggle not to indulge in old eating habits. Let me tell you sugarless trident is my new best friend and can I go through a pack of gum in a day. I was elated to eat carrots again . I never realized how much food controlled me and my emotions . Yeah I have said I am an emotional eater but never truly understood the extent of it until now. I know that my health will continue to improve as long as I stick with changing my lifestyle. Sometimes I feel like I am just sitting back watching from with in as to what is happening and waiting for something but not sure what.:cheatfree: