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About this blog

This is my personal journey to a healthier me.

Entries in this blog

 

Fried Chicken drove me crazy WTF

WELL I AM SO PIST AT MYSELF. I HAVE NO F***** CONTROLL. I FELT DIFFERENT TODAY I FOUND MYSELF REALLY HUNGREY TODAY. I HAVE 50 GRAMS OF PROTIEN WITH A BANANA SHAKE (1 cup) FOR BREAKFAST AND I WAS hungrey again in less then an hour I drank water and the next thing I knew I was going to pick up lunch for everyone (bad idea) yes I went to popeyes and I bought myself a 3 piece naked chicken stripes with rice beans and a big box of chicken with the works for the rest of the crew. I drove back to work with the shakes OMG I cant believe I have never experienced such a feeling its hard to explain hard to express oh how I want to just cry. I ate a piece of chicken while driving (something I never do prior to lap band) I really didnt think it would go down but I was will to take the chance of pbing and all I just couldnt resist. I dont no why I was so hungrey I took all my vitamins I had my protien. Is it possible I need a fill already I was just feeling full content off of so little yesterday. I am so disapointed in myself. I think maybe I need a support group weight watchers or something. I dont want a fill but maybe thats what it is I will call my Dr. and see what he says. What will I say popeyes chicken almost gave me a neverous break down lol I am learning thats all I will beat this I will.
mymy

mymy

13
 

I smell smoke

Hello ok where shall I start fiest I am really messing up I went out Frieday night club bounce (fat girl club). I had a good time and I drank enough calories for the week. I also screwed up by smoking yes did I mess up. The only thing I didnt do was do the after club Denny's or Jack n box run. I dont ever go out but it was a good friends of mine b day. I am so upset with the fact that I smoked and you guessed it I havent stoped since. I am hiding it as much as I can (the smell is hard to mask) my mother would just kill me not to mention the rest of my family. My family was more happy that I quit smoking more so then the lap band. I am doing well as fae as my losing down to 229 yeah. I will put the patch on quit this sh## I know I felt so good being smoke free.
mymy

mymy

3
 

Feb.5

I just knew it my surgery date was pushed back a week and a day. Yes next Thur. the 5th I am aliitle disapointed but i know its for the best this cold kick my ass and I wont even tell you all the issues those dam antibotics brought:scared2:. I know its for the best I need to be at 100% I know I will heal better /quicker. I am at home I took time off of work. I will take this next couple of days to take care of myself.
mymy

mymy

5
 

Patch is back

GOOD MORNING AND HAPPY EASTER TO ALL. Well tis morning I woke up and I refused to stop and buy a pack of cigs I instead bought some well needed patches to cut these cravings. I realized last night when trying to eat my ol faithful fish and squash I started to pb and realized that it has been happening alot this week. I havent been eating fast or big bites WTH. I am wondering if my smoking has anything to do with my pbing I am scared to death I hope like hell I dont have any damage to my lb. I hope I caught it in enough time. I am done and since cant seem to drink without a smoke well thats out aswell. I am going to give it a couple of days and hope my food goes down if not I will have to make an appt. to see my Dr. but my having the courage to admite that I went on a week smoking beng is a whole other thing. I have not only read about people smoking cigs. but weed too and I hadnt heard any horror stories so I just hope my head is playing tricks on me trying to make me realize just how dumb that was to even puff on one let alone purchase packs. Well my wii fit wow that is a serious work out and I have a ways to go. I have to be honest yesterday I vowed to tackle that system when I got home. "well lets just say I didnt exactly tackle it more like brushed against it lol yeah I just did a test run I was tired I did a double at work and after an hour drive and 4 cigs I wasnt feeling so good. (MY 5 HOUR ENERGY BOOSTER WORE OFF) My mouth still hurts yeah the cigs. slowed down the recover on that aswell those dam cigs. I hope this week is a better week for me but the good news is that I lost 2/3 pounds. You would think with my smoking mouth hurting and me pbing every where I would have lost more but I will take what I can. Michelle
mymy

mymy

1
 

I lost 190 pounds of dead weight

Here i go drama where shall i start ok i have been under lot of stress and my b f has been no help he is not all on board with my getting the sergury anyway. I just had it and i asked him to leave oh and he couldnt get out the door quick enough lol. That was night b4 last and other then him texting me and being a complete ass that has been the extent of our conversatiion. I am sad in away but relieved in another, I feel like I am all by myself I have my mom sisters but they have their lives and i dont want to call with my issues i cant believe between my ex b f and my screwed up son i just cant find time to enjoy the fact that i am getting banded in just teo days instead i am so sad my heart feels so heave. My Bf was no prize so thats not it i just wish he were here to help me start this jurney i planned on dumpimg his sorry ass anyway just on my term yes i told him to leave but i didnt think he would (haha joke on me). I cant be stressing out i need to find peace b4 i go into surgery and i will to nite i will vent cry and tommorrow all that shit is gone it is what it is and my stressing wont help. I am okay
mymy

mymy

2
 

3 1/2 months and 44 pounds down YEAH

Well I havent posted in a while and I am happy to say that I have been doing well I am down 44 pounds and I feel good about my progress. I hadnt worked out like I should have been but as of last week I started my personal training sessions. I do have one complaont MY ARMS OMG they look as if the skin is not popping back in that area maybe its because i had lipo 2 1/2 years ago on my arms but I am going to get thet together some serious arm exercises. I am so happy that I had enough courage to get banded it was one of the best decisions i have made. I just have to stay on my work out sed. no matter what I cant let anything get in my way. I have only had two fills and again I feel so lucky I feel as if I have found my sweet spot. I cant wait to get off of work to go work out I need it just as much as i want it I just hope I can stay focus.
mymy

mymy

3
 

Omg i truly need a fill

OMG,called my Dr&demanded 2bseen ok maybe it was more like begging what ever lol I did get an appointment. I need a fill like crazy I am always hungry but I do feel restricted not as much as I did last week but the restriction is there oh boy is it there. I got up in the middle of the night and before I knew it I have warmed up a double cheese burger and yes took a bite (I am so ashamed) and just as quick as I took that bite it kicked my ass yes it did. I promise I didnt even remember touching the dam thing but I warmed it up and everything. I cant believe this sh**. I am usually a strong person but this is harder then I thought. I wanted to blaim everyone in my house 1st who the hell went to Mc Donalds 2nd why would a burger yes double cheese burger (one of my favorites) be left on the counter haha. I wanted to wake up the whole dam block I could have kicked Mc Donolds ass myself. I was so mad but I know it was no ones fault but my own. I was sick not just cause of the restriction but the thought that I was sleeping and got out of my bed hell did I smell it? I really thought I found my sweet spot I was so wrong. Is this how this works am I going to get a fill and in another week or so I will be starving I hope not. I really didnt realize the lack of controll I had when it came to food. I have so many questions for my Dr. today.I was so prepared (I thought) I did the reserch why wasnt I prepared for this?????? I dont know weather to laugh or cry. Ok on my to the Dr. wish me luck or shall I say wish him luck because I am going there kicking down doors to get my fill.:biggrin:
mymy

mymy

2
 

I am Women hear me Roar

Hello well life is good again. I got a fill yesterday and I cant even to begin to express the relief i feel. I wish that I could keep this feeling always. I am not hungry at all I am drinking water like crazy and my protien drink is the exciting part of my day. I was even so lucky to find my Dr. has an office in Long Beach ten minutes away from my work place rather then Beverly Hills an hour away. God was on my side. I hope this fill last a while. My Dr. says he shouldnt see me for another two months and as soon as I went up to the front desk I made an appt. for 6 weeks later, just in case :thumbdown: I am going to the gym and I want a personal trainer I cant wait. My sister called me and told me about this book The body sulpturing bible for women by James Villeeigue it sound greats I will pick that up today. I have so much energy and I realize my not having any restriction was very disheartening. I have hope again. I am women hear me roar:tt1:
mymy

mymy

2
 

The day after

Hello well its done and I am so thrilled dont get me wrong but OMG this gas is a MF I cant believe just how painful trap gas is. I found out that durning surgery the pump air inside to get a better look at your stomach. I just wish some smart ass some where could figur out how to release that air before closing you up. U THINK LOL. I cant complain enough trust when i say pain i mean crazy pain. I should have over dosed on gas x sripes and the chewable ones I have been poping the 90 going north . I hope this passes soon I dont know how much i can take. I am pretty good in tolarating pain but this shit is something else. I spoke to my Dr. and he assured me it would pass and i ask about the lymph node that he romoved he again assured me that everything is fine that the lymph note looked normal I am so concerned because that is the type ofcancer my mother has. He will call when he hears from the Lab. I have heard from my Ex and just to mess with me thats cool as long as he doesnt try to come back he was my biggeest mistake:eek: OK I HOPE TO FEEL BETTER TOMMORROW. I LOVE MY BAND THIS GAS WONT MAKE ME HATE MY BAND.
mymy

mymy

6
 

drain drain go away

:tt1:OK I am on my way to my Dr. appt. please let them take out this dam drain oh i cant wait to get out of this binder even if its for a brief moment. I am so excited but i promised i wouldnt look my bf and sister will look because i have heard that the tt is ugly the first visit so i rather wait. I am so excited yeah a flat tummy.
mymy

mymy

1
 

A light turned on.

Well my personal training doesnt start untill this Tues. so after I woke up from my drug induced sleep. I felt better and went shopping and being that I was so inspired by alot of the LB people I bought the wii fit system. Did I get a good laugh and a couple of tears the dam system informed me that I was obese I thought it was hard to hear that word from a medical professional but for a dam system that I spend almost $400 hell no, not to mention it placed me in the 50 year old age group aint that a bi###. I did not know weather to find this info. amuzing or break down cry and pack that crap up and return it. I called my mom and she laughed oh did I make her night when I expressed how upset I was she told me to shut up and get to work and make the change anf though deep down I know she was right I wanted her to feel me but that was enough for me to end my pity party by then my mouth was hurting again. I will work this wii program and I will show it. I could have saved on that personal trainer because this workout is all I need. I tried eatting a english muffin with I cant believe its not butter and boy that muffin kicked my butt (wont try that again) for the most part I have been doing well on my calorie in take and the cigs have a 3 day notice. I am actually excited to go home and tackle that wii. I just have to get in better shape its so funny that I really hadnt realized just how unhealthy I am. I have to be honest I got the LB becuse of all the wrong reasons (I know I will get alot of mean comments) I dont know how to put it without sounding vien and I dont want to come across like that cause I am far from that. I just wanted to feel better about myself. I now know just how much this LB is benefiting me and I am ashamed that I hadnt came to that realization prior to my making such a drastic life change but I am on track now. I had a ahha moment better late then never. :w00t: Michelle
mymy

mymy

4
 

Is beauty worth all of this?????????????????

After getting my lap band I feel as if I can do it all. I am 37 yrs old and I have had a gap between my front teeth for ever and I dont know if I just got use to it or if I really like it ( other then that I have a beauitful set of teeth). I have always had comments about my gap weather it was positive or negative (schools fights) but I never gave it too much thought but now since I had the courage to get the lap band i have choose to go all the way. I went to the dentist and boy did I jump before thinking the next thing I know I have a new set of teeth yeap in two days I went from my big beauitful gap to a set of temps venears oh they hurt like hell what did I do? My whole head hurts the good thing about that is I havent thought about eating lol the lap band expiernce was disney land compared to this. Oh why couldnt I just be happy at the thought of being skinny now I am trying to be the next super model :thumbdown: I have lost my mind and teeth I hope like hell this wasnt a bad decsion cause if my teeth dont come out right I will get this band removed and gum my way to 500 pounds :thumbup: My listening to people "oh Michelle close your gap you would look so much better" Hell I thought I was fine with my gap HELLO even with a couple of extra pounds I was still cute it just got to where I couldnt breath that when I thought hey maybe I have a problem and that is when I went to the Dr. and he busted my bubble and informed me that I was obese. I have to have these temps for two weeks I hope this pain subsides quickly or I am going for dentures:laugh: Yeah and I am suppose to put my patch on yeah right this hurts and my cigs are helping me I will stop soon for real. I went and bought a pack and couldnt believe they were damnear 6.00 hell no I was paying 3.50 for Marlboro just three months ago. I have so many issues I could have my own soap prime time. I am going home early and drink yes I said drink me some vicadin and crash hope I dont wake up with my teeth in my hand, oh thats all i need to complete my soap a dam drug problem lol. Michelle
mymy

mymy

4
 

I want that spark back.

Well the pbing has stop so that I am so greatful for. I was really worried that my smoking had done some damage but as of now Iam fine (other then my dam teeth hurting) I did a light work out on the wii system but I havent been working out like I should be but thats ok my personal training begins tomorrow I hope I really stick with it I am excited. Lets see how excited Iam after the work out that is my true test. I dont have that same go get it attitude that I had a couple of weeks ago I want that feeling back. I have been working alot and all I can think about is getting home and jumping in the bed. I havent been hungrey at all thank God and I havent been drinking my water like I am suppose to. I just cant seem to get it all together at the same time. I am not smoking so I guess thats a start now I will conquor one at a time untill I have a sed. I can deal with. I just admire those women that do it all with LB take care of a family and still have time for themselves. I feel over loaded and all I have is me hell I dont even have a cat a plant and my son he is on this I am 19 and grown kick I only hear from him when he needs money. I say that just to say have no valid excuse why I cant get it together other then I lost that spark I had. I love my band I just want the same love for it like when we first meet. I need that spark back:tongue2: Michelle
mymy

mymy

1
 

9 months and loving it

Hello well its been a while. I am thrilled to say i am where i want to be and i have maintain this weight for the last three months well actually i was down to 167 and i wasnt feeling that at all so i went and lossen my band and gained and now i am at 175 and i am loving it but this Tue i am going for my tummy tuck and i am soooo excited. I am 5'8 and 175 seems to be a good size i could actually take another five pounds . I guess everyone carrys differently cause i am in a size 9/10 med shirt well still a large sometimes . I cant imagin being the weight the Dr. chart suggest lol my head sarts to look too big for my frame once i hit the 160 's lol . At 160 something i seen my curves were disapearing and i never wanted to be skinny i want to keep sum junk in my trunk. I feel skinny well let me say i feel healthier and that is whats important. My body pop back nicely except i am not so happy with my stomach so i am taking the plung and getting the tt. I am so nervious.
mymy

mymy

5
 

Its about me now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !

Well I am havin issues my son is trying to drive me crazy. He doesnt want me to get banded he thinks he is the parent. He walk in my house with a huge tatoo o n his neck I almost died. He is 19 and oh so lost. I had to do some serious praying. I really think he does this shit to mess with me I love him but he is determined to screw his life up. I have tried everything I am still paying for his last bad descion. My mom says dont give him a reaction yeah like I can do that. I am walking on my treadmil had a good sweat and cry. I am taking care of me for once and I luv my son but he is grown I have to do me. It sounds good but I am hurting so bad for my son. He is my only child and I need to get healthy because he is really going to need me after life kicks his ass. Next week at this time I will bw banded. Please God give me strength.
mymy

mymy

6
 

5 months 11 days 68 pounds gone

I dont even know where to start. I love my band it has been so good to me. I have lost the weight 10 more pounds and I woud have reached my goal. I dont even think about eatting wrong sometimes i have to remind myself just to eat (who would have thought). Well I will check in later
mymy

mymy

2
 

OMG TUMMY TUCK 48 hrs later

OK Well I did it yes my tummy tuck and trust and believe the lap band is a cake walk compared to this shi**. I know it will be worth it when its all said and done. I can bearly walk i have pain every where (only when i move) I am uncomfortable can this thing be any tighter. I just want to look up and its a month later please let this time fly. i really prepared myself for this (i thought) but I guess you could never really psych yourself out when it co9mes to this type of pain.
mymy

mymy

1
 

I am still here

Hello. I want to thank everyone that have been inquiring about me and my progress. I so appreciate all the well wishes. Ok let me catch up first I am down 26 pounds (in all the right places:tongue_smilie:)and I am feeling great my energy level is unbelievable I am loving it. I havent been exercising like I want too. I am having serious drama and its been hard to stay focus but I am walking at least 30/45 minutes a day and I have played recquet ball a coup[le of times. My first fill was two weeks ago and boy did that make a difference. I now know what resriction is and I love it. I am new to the kitchen area and I am already sick of me and my steam bags yes I throw veggies (squash mushrooms carrots) and a piece of fish in a baggies microwave it and thats my dinner pretty much every night. Those steasm bags are amazing just not every day I really need to make the time to do this right. I am making a point to go to the gym at least twice a week I am looking into getting a personal trainer asap. Well thank you again to everyone and their support. I need easy meals lunch and dinner meals anyone please feel free to share. Michelle
mymy

mymy

4
 

I have a fight on my hands and I will win

Hello well I found myself a private gym down the street from my house and the prices could only be better if it was free. I know God is watching over me. I have committed to three days a week and Iam so excited I cant wait. Precision fitness in Riverside Ca. I spent less then an hour with Debbie and I learned so much yes nutrition counseling is included. I am still filling full but today wasnt as easy as yesterday but its head hunger and I know it and I am trying with every ounce of my being to control it. I will be ok and I will beat this I have to have control I will continue to drink water and more water. I just dont have as much energy as yesterday. I hope tomorrow is a better day. I swear this up and down is for the birds. Please dont get me wrong I feel fine I just want that same high I had yesterday. This is what people with bi polar must go through lol not that I would know. My first workout will be Tuesday. Michelle
mymy

mymy

2
 

I have my band. Yeah

OK I made it. I went in at 6am and on the freeway home by 11am. This Gas is killing me and the x strips just wouls cut it no pun intended. I am only sipping on water ans ice chips. I dont want to even think about eating. I have that bloated feeling. The surgery went pretty smooth except thrDr. found a limp note (spelled wrong) on the lining part of my stomach and sent in to the lab. OMG more shit for me to stress about. My
mymy

mymy

2
 

What a difference a day can make.

Ok well this morning I woke uo with so much energy. My niece and I took a long walk and it was such a beauitful morning it had rained the night before. I really enjoyed the walk. As the day went I found myself hungrey and I did the brooth the jello and I even had a pro slam 45 grams of protien but I was and still am hungrey. I tried to keep myself busy I went shoping (more window shopping then actual shoping). I left my sisters house and I am now at home. I want that same positive feeling I had yesterday. I am going crazy I dont like this feeling I am trying to figur out if this is head hunger or if I am actually hungrey. I am going to rock and roll this out and hope tommorow is a better day. I knew this wouldnt be an easy task and I am ready for this fight I JUST PRAY THAT GOD GIVES ME THE STRENGTH.
mymy

mymy

3
 

My mind wont shut down..................... ...

I just cant sleep really I am sitting here at 230am and I am a wake like its noon. I dont have to go to work today, tomorrow is my big day and I am so excited. I havent been this excited since I was a child the night b4 xmas the day b 4 school. I just hope this is the answer to my dreams. I have been walking on my tredmil but my lower back hurts like crazy and now that I know I dont have kidney failure I know its all this junk in my trunk (BIG BUTT) LOL. I am going to walk this ass off literaly . Wait not all of it. lol My mind just wont shut down I lay here close my eyes and then I go over the things I need for surgery and I know I have everything. I wonder where my low life ex is laying (not to much thought on that) better her then me oh sure its good now but wait untill the nut case unravels lol. I had a pretty decent conversation with my son he wants me to help buy him a car haha this from the kid that put a huge dumb tatoo on his neck. Yeah he can hold his breath on that one. Well I am staying with my sister for a couple of days after surgery my nieces and nephew are excited to nurse me back to health. I just love those kids they are the best I am so lucky to be auntie Shell. Well I guess I will lay here flip the channels and let my mind run wild untill my eyes defeat my mind and close. Just think 1 more night and God willing I will be banded.
mymy

mymy

1
 

I just might make it.

I didnt sleep well last night besides my being sick I am really stressing. I have so much going on. I messed around and found a bunch of people that were banded and didnt lose a pound oh I dont want to even go there. How is that even possible? I guess I just had to keep looking for some horror stories and as they say seek and you shall find. I wont let that dicourage me I have heard more sucess stories. I havent heard alot of people 4 or 5 years out I am now curious about the long term. Just more shit for me to stress about. I will be ok. I know all I ever needed was a tool I am not looking for a mircle just a little help and thats what the band will be for me. I know I am the one that must work out, make better eating choices. I am going to work this program and I am staring in this show my band is merly the co star. HELLO:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:
mymy

mymy

3
 

Cold cold go away !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Dr. gave what is called the pack treatment for five days of antibiotics. I am really hoping this will knock this cold out. I am too excited to sit in the house so I went out got all that I need for my date hoping that my being prepared will some how assure my surgery date. I was really worried about my being able to find a source of protien that I like I really am not a shake person and 60 to 80 grams of protien are alot I went into GNC and i found a product called Pro Slam 45 yes it is good 45 grams of protien and only 3.1 ounces I cant believe how lucky I was I got the last box. I thought I would spend alot more time and money trying to find protien I could tolorate. Well I am going to continue to medicate rest and pray because I want so bad to make my date Jan.28,    
mymy

mymy

3
 

I can do this!!!!!!!!!!

Hello, well I am happy to say that I am doing much better. I still have the gas but not half as bad as yesterday. I went to the store and just kept moving. I am still at my sisters house and I just helped her cook dinner some tacos hmm I really enjoyed the smell and for a minute I wished to just take a bite. I took some serious deep breaths and warmed up my brooth and excused myself from the kitchen. It wasnt as hard as I thought it would be. I know what I have to do and what it takes to get there I am so very proud of myself. I am going to do this and I am going to beat this. I am really feeling good. I have been wanting to stop smoking for oh so long but everytime I would stop smoking I would gain weight like crazy, so my answer to that was go back to smoking. I have been smoke free for over a month now and I used the patch for a week or two but after that I was good. I am going to lose weight and be smoke free I am so greatful. I really feel as if I have a 2nd chance and I promise to make the best of it. I think I am ready to go home I love my sister and her kids but it can be a little too much at times. My sister is a great mom and I am so proud of the women she has become. Oh arent I just so positive today.lol
mymy

mymy

3
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