As some of you know I am a cash patient. It was my only choice because my insurance has a restriction on weight loss surgery.
So I've saved and saved and finally managed to save enough to pay for my surgery. My date is scheduled, I've had my appointment with the nutritionist and now I'm just waiting. But it seems like waiting is the hardest part. And in my case it's not because I'm anxious or giddy with excitement. I thought I was at first...I'm still wanting the surgery but my head is playing tricks on me.
I'm really struggling with the reality of the money I'm about to spend. I've never spent that much money on myself. And I'm married, I have kids...how can I spend that money on myself? I keep telling myself I should be using the money for something for my family. Something for our house or an investment of some sort.
I don't know what to do. I'm questioning all the things I thought I wanted. Is this really going to be worth it? Am I really going to succeed or will I have spent all this money for nothing?
Feb 27 is just around the corner....I'm feeling lost.
Wow that was a lot of information. How am I supposed to remember everything?
I met with my nutritionist today. My surgery is Feb 27th and according to her my Doctor does not require the 2 week pre-op diet but she recommends it. So I'm still not sure if I will do it or not.
She went into detail about how the pre-op diet was really designed for shrinking the liver to make it easier on the surgeon. And according to my surgeon it doesn't make a difference if you do it or not. So I think I'm going to do it for at least the week prior to ready myself for the post-op.
So she went on to tell me that I need to be getting 85 grams of protein a day. I currently weigh in at 295 and my goal (long term) is 165. She said for my height and history that 180 is realistic but that 165 is possible. And let me tell ya...either way I'm happy! I remember the last time I weighed 180 (just barely).....I was one hot mamma!
Anywhoooo I am ready for this but boy I sure am nervous about the post-op stuff.
Advice is always welcome :thumbup:
This is my first blog. I really have no idea where I'm going with this but I feel it is important to jot down my feelings about this transformation I'm about to go through. I have no doubt, only confidence that receiving the Lap Band is going to be successful. And because I know my success will transform me into a healthier, cuter and much smaller version of myself I want to be able to look back and read about my experience and share it with others.
I want to remember me. I never want to forget about the struggles I've had or the pain that this fat has caused me. I think some do want to forget because for most of us it's just to painful to remember. But that pain and those struggles are what made me who I am today. I often wonder if I was always thin, if I was always pretty as the world sees it...then who would I be? I woulnd't be me, I really don't think I'd be even a close version of the self that I love. I don't want to lose that person.
As much as I hate this fat, as much as I hate being overweight it has made me strong, it has made me see things in a different light. I'm greatful for that.
My surgery date has been scheduled for February 27th. Right around the corner. My stomache is in knots...I'm excited and nervous. I'm thrilled and worried all at the same time. But mostly I'm thankful. I have spent the last three years researching the band, asking questions, attending multiple seminars, doubting, desiring and dreaming. And now it's finally about to happen.
I'm a lucky lady. I have a wonderful husband who is very supportive of this decision I've made for myself. We got married in December 2006. He has a charming little boy named Logan who lives with us full time and he is a wonderful little guy. We had a baby girl in January 2008...so she just turned one :toetap05:!!! So now we are complete little family with lots of love for each other.
Well I guess that's about it for now. I'd love to hear your stories, feedback or just random silliness!!
