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A blog by wendytip

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I wear a size 18!

I wear a size 18! At last! Finally! I can fit into, without laying down on the bed to get the zipper up, or having to suck in to an unnatural degree... A SIZE 18! Happy days are here right damn now because I no longer wear anthing in the 20's. Oh yes, I may still shop in the fat girl section, but not for very much longer, because I wear a size 18! I think I will go and tell a total stranger on the street tomorrow that I wear a size 18. I don't even care if they look at me like I've lost my mind...I'm sort of used to that anyway. I don't care if they look at me like, "A size 18? Why, that's a fat size." I don't care because it's not a fat size to me. To me, it's a wonderful, beautiful, delightfully slenderishly, too hot to be believed size. All hail the size 18 GODDESS THAT I AM!

February 2, 2009

6

I may be fat, but I'm not stupid...well, not THAT stupid.

So…today…I can hardly wait to get to my doctor’s office. I want to see how much I’ve lost almost as much almost as much as I want that first fill. But, alas, I have the WRONG DAY. AGGGGGH! I can’t believe it! Lack of food is affecting my brain; either that or I’m just not that smart. And, they wouldn’t even let me WEIGH. I though I was gonna’ rush those scales. I’m still a big girl; what could they have done? Then…I go to the “Y” to work out, and I’m busting out 2.2 miles on the treadmill. I hot and sweaty and athletic and stinky and feeling great. I go to the shower and clean up. I reach for my clothes, but alas, I forgot my JEANS! AGGGGGHHHH! Now, I KNOW I cannot be that stupid, but I guess I am. So…I re-put on my gross, disgusting sweat pants and go right next door to buy a pair of jeans. I head straight to the “Fat Girl” section. I flip through the jeans. I look for my size, and guess what? You will not believe this; there on the little tag which should read 18, 20, 22, 24 is a “2”. What the HELL? I pick up the jeans. Clearly, they are “Fat Girl” jeans. I put them back and pick up another pair, just as large…maybe larger. The tag reads a “2!” Another pair of jeans and the tag reads a “4”. This is CRAZY. I rummaging through the jeans like a mad woman. Hangers are flying, but it’s all the same. Fat Girl jeans and none of the tags read higher than a 6! Well I may be fat, but I’m not stupid…at least not that stupid. I see what we’re doing, and it is so unbelievably ridiculous. I mean, really? REALLY? If a big pair of jeans has a size 2 tag, are we really supposed to believe as we stare at the backside of these trousers, which are by the way, at least 3 feet wide, that they are a SIZE 2? Are we supposed to feel better? If that’s the case then why bother to diet and exercise or have the lap band at all? Why not just change the tags out in the back of our clothes? It reminds me of going into a Lane Bryant store…which I don’t do anymore, for this very reason. All of the mannequins that are dressed in the Fat Girl clothes have the clothes pinned up in the back. It’s like they’re saying, “Look, loooooook…buy these size 20’s and this is what you’ll look like in them.” Yeah…right? So, let me get this straight, Lane Bryant; I’m good enough that you’ll take my money, but you don’t want my “true” body type portrayed. Anyway; I feel much better now. Nothing like a good “rant” to cleanse the soul.

January 19, 2009

7

I found it!

I finally found my special purpose...as far as working out goes! The trick is to find something that you don't think of as working out...something that you don't hate. I've started swimming, and I noticed that I never refer to it as "working out." I also don't hate it...I...I...actually...like it! And, I'm good at it. I can already swim a mile, no problem, and that's with me not even being in shape. When I'm in the water I can go and go and go, and everything that troubles me just goes away. I'm going to do my first "open water" swim this year, and then I'm going to Alcatraz to do the "Swim around The Rock." They dump you in the ocean and you get to swim around the prison. Pretty cool, huh? Someone asked me if I was afraid of sharks, and I was like, "Hell, no! You think I'm finally going to be skinny and let some shark eat me, just when I start to look good in a swimsuit?...Not a chance!"

February 24, 2009

3

Hhhheeeeyyyyy!

Hey Everyone! It's been awhile; computer problems, employment problems, all sorts of DRAMA, but that's okay, I can handle it and life is SO GREAT! I'm coming up on my 1 year "RE-BIRTHDAY" and I'm down 93 pounds! God, it is so surreal! I can't belive it's been a year! And more than anything, I can't believe this is my LIFE! I remember just about a year ago thinking; next year, I'll be skinny! It's so cool that when I see friends that I haven't seen in a while that I have to tell them who I am! It makes me so excited, reading about everyone who is getting ready to be banded or who have just been banded. I wish for all of you the happiness that I've experienced! Oh, and one more thing; it's late tonight, but I'll post some progress pix tomorrow! Celebrate every lost ounce!

November 30, 2009

3

Help!

The other day my husband tried to kill me. To his credit, he was very clever in his attempt. He hatched his evil plan innocently enough by encouraging me to work out with him at a “spin class.” He approached me earlier in the week and asked me if I would like to go to spin class with him. I expressed my concerns. “I’m afraid I’m not in shape for this.” “What if I become so exhausted that I fall off the bike and humiliate myself?” “I don’t look good in bike shorts.” “The only biking I’ve ever done is when my car has been in the shop and it’s imperative that I get to my destination…my destination being Dairy Queen, or someplace like that.” “You know I hate sweating…in particular the dreaded thigh sweating that will inevitably occur during this class.” None of these excuses worked…and besides, my husband is super HOT, so he was able to convince me to give it a try. Oh, you should have seen him making sure that I was ready for class; getting me a towel, adjusting my bike seat, making sure that my bike’s handle bars were placed just so, checking the resistance on the bike. Little did I know that he was he was getting me ready, alright…getting me ready to DIE! The music started. The too- peppy- for- her own good- impossibly well conditioned- instructor arrived, and we got on our bikes. I was great…for about 30 seconds; then it hit me. My undoing wasn’t to be any of my aforementioned concerns, no, my undoing was going to be the tiny, yet rock hard bike seat that was cutting into my ass. I looked at my husband. He smiled at me sweetly. I chose to ignore the searing pain in my butt. Alas, the more we peddled, the happier everyone looked and the more intense the pain became. I looked around. No one else seemed to be having the same problem as myself. Looking across the room, I spied a women whose ass was almost ass big as mine. She sort of reminded me of me, but with one major exception; she was peddling happily. I wondered: was she faking it? Did she have an “I love exercise” Mission Impossible mask on? You know, the ones that look just like your actual face, but they’re really only a ruse, meant to fool people? What I really wanted to know was how all of these people could NOT be in the same pain as me. What really boggled my brain was how all of the skinny people could not be in pain. I mean, let’s face it; if you’ve got a big, well padded behind that should work to your advantage, but I was dying, and how all those riders with NO padding could take it, was beyond me. I turned to my husband and said, “I can’t take this. My ass is killing me. My husband then told me something that I can only assume was meant to relieve me. “Well, you won’t be sitting the whole time.” And friends, even though I hated life at that very moment, don’t think that I didn’t find the hysterical absurdity in his statement. I began to laugh wildly. After I finally caught my breath, I said, “You don’t really think I’m going to be able to actually stand up on this bike and peddle do you?” However, as my ass began to go numb I decided to try and stand and peddle in order to alleviate the pain. It was sort of like trying to hoist a 200 pound bag of wet sand. I sat back down and peddled some more. Surely I could make it through this. After 5 more excruciating minutes I turned back to my husband, who was now looking not as much hot as diabolical.” I can’t do this.” I said again. “Is your resistance all the way down he asked?” “It’s not my resistance,” I all but screamed, “It’s my ass! My ass is numb! Numb! Do you hear me?” He looked at me calmly, “Hang in there. You’ll get used to it.” I would’ve stopped peddling the bike right then and gotten of f, but at that point the entire lower half of my body had lost feeling. I mentally willed my legs to stop turning the peddles. As I hobbled off the bike, and staggered out of the room I turned to my killer/husband. “Oh, I’ll never get used to it…NEVER.”

February 16, 2009

5

Hello Everyone!

I’m ready! God, I have been waiting for this day for so long. I’ve struggled and struggled and struggled with my weight since I was 10 years old! I can remember reaching my goal weight of 77 lbs. on Weight Watchers, and thinking that once I reached that goal I would be “normal.” And, I don’t think this is a “magic bullet”, and that the moment I have my procedure that all of my “issues” will miraculously disappear, but I do think that my banding will take what seems like a monumentally impossible struggle and make it “do-able”…and that’s all I want, and all I really need…just a little help. But, on a more excited note: I CAN’T WAIT! I am sooooo ready. So, onto the questions: Was your banding what you expected? Better? Worse? Did it make it substantially easier to lose the weight? How difficult was it for you to do without water with your meals? What is your average weight loss per week? How much do you have to “chew” your food? Can you tell immediately if you haven’t chewed it enough? When did you go for your first fill? Does your incision/port hurt? Is it gross in anyway? Does it affect working out? What was your “real” recovery time? How soon were you back at work? Did anyone have to stay overnight in the hospital? And if so, why? Thanks a bunch! Wendy :thumbup:

December 2, 2008

1

Hello all!

Finally! I'm back online. So sorry, it's been so long, but my life has been CRAZY lately! However, through it all, I just keep thinking how much better everything is! Honestly, and maybe it's because I'm a recovering addict (YES, I said it! I am an addict...a recovering addict...a food addict, and yep, food addiction can ruin your life as easily as any other addiction can!) that I am just so damn grateful for every single day of "sobriety." And let me tell you, I don't think anyone is as grateful for sobriety as an addict that's relapsed, gotten back up, and reclaimed their lives. I am a firm believer that out of every horrible situation, something beautiful is born, and the beauty of topping out at 271lbs is finding your own truth and standing back up one more time. Yes, I am unemployed, denied my unemployment benefits, preparing for a wrongful termination lawsuit, had a flat tire yesterday, getting ready to perform my annual fundraiser for AIDS awareness, I have to do my own roots, the puppy isn't housebroken, I don't get to go to the George Strait concert...all of this WITHOUT SUGAR, but by GOD, I'm not FAT ANYMORE! My life is so good, I can't belive it's mine! My surgeon hadn't seen me since I was three months out, and when I went in for a fill he went on and on about how proud he is. And, get this; he wants me to speak to groups getting ready to be banded!'' So hang in there, brothers and sisters. Life is beautiful and you can do this! P.S If you wanna', I have some WLS vids on youtube; That Crazy Fat Chick. But, be warned; I don't play. I tell it like it is. Kisses! Celebrate every lost ounce!

February 6, 2010

6

And now, onward, to Youtube!

Wow, so much to say and so little time to say it all! So, here's what I'm going to do. My next episode of "That Crazy Fat Chick" will be all about returning to the forum and some of the issues, concerns and questions everyone has. Now,here's the thing: I tell it straight up like it is, so if that's not your cup of high protien meal replacement then don't tune in. But I have a super postive outlook and a great sense of humor, so if you wanna', look me up. In the meantime: It's been a loooooong time since I've around. Shit happens? You know? Seriously, I've been through some horrible, work related issues: wrongful termination hearing, Lawyers, hearing officers, all that mess...it's a long and not very interesting story, so I won't bore you with the details, but I'll tell you this: When the going gets tough, I wanted to do what all fat people want to do and that's EAT! Now, notice I said "WANTED" to do, not "DID" do. No, I didn't handle the stress...and man, was there stress, by eating. Actually, I wasn't even tempted, but I knew...I knew that demon was waiting...just waiting for me to slip. The demon came to me in the earthly form of Terrence Howard and spoke to me in the voice of Sam Elliott. Demon Terrence/Sam carried a large platter covered in white chocolote, peppermint bark (my favorite) and was saying, "oooooonnnne pieeeeeece, Wendy...juuuuuuuuust one, come on, yooooooou can handle juuuusssst one can't you?" Yeah, I didn't eat, but do you know the concept of Abraham Maslow's, Hierarchy of Needs? Well, if you don't, here he is, in a nutshell: Abe believed that humans had certain "basic" needs; (food, water, sleep and warmth.) He illustrated these needs by constructing a Pyramid model with these most important needs at the bottom and broadest part of the pyramid. At the upper portion of the pyramid were things like, security of employment, friends, family, and self actualization. He believed that if humans did not have their very 'basic" needs met then they could move on to other needs. So, if you're freezing and starving to death, you can't really deal with the fact that you haven't had a bath in a month. And yes, I'm going somewhere with this. SO...from this philosophy, I adopted my own,"Wendy's Hierarchy of Food Addiction Needs Pyramid. It's very simple: When my life is teetering on going straight into the crapper and I'm SUPER STRESSED, it's all I can to to make sure that I stay "food sober" and don't eat. The not binging thing takes up the entire lower half of my Pyramid, so can't really focus on fun, friends or blogging...just trying to hang on. Make sense? And I did hang on, and one the first day of my hearing I can tell you I was the hottest Bitch in that courtroom. And, hey, win. lose or draw, it's all about being in a size 8, baby! But seriously, I can remember my mom saying, "You have the idea that if you're thin, your life will be perfect." She wasn't right, of course, but she almost was. I don't feel like being thin makes my life perfect, but I do feel like if I can manage my food addiction, monster of an albatross that I've carried around my neck for most of my life, then anything else is a walk in the park. Do what you have to do and kick your albatross's ass, baby! Kisses, W

January 16, 2011

1

And I am telling you...I'm not as fat!

This is to sang to the tune of "And I am telling you." Now, make sure you sing it with all the rightous indignation and happiness that you can muster! And I am telling you, I’m not as fat. Not as big as I was before, Not gonna’ be that way anymore. No, no, no way! No, no, no, no way! Not the big girl that I once was. Not as big as I once was. Oh yes, I’m gonna’ be free. I’m losing. I’m losing. And you, and you, and you might not recognize me. And I am telling you, I’m not as chubby. Even though my big butt was bubbly. There’s just no way, no way. Got tired of being so large. But now, I have taken charge. Yes, I got banded no doubt. Don’t you say it’s the easy way out? ‘Cause, I can’t have carbonated drinks ever, ever again! No, no, no, no, no, no. My ass will no longer be, the size of a gigantic R.V! And I mean there’s no way. No, no, no, no way I’m buying that plus size. Not buying size 22. You see there’s no way. There’s no way. Burn those fat clothes. Yell, scream and shout, Hey look at me! I’m a skinny girl now! Put on my running shoes, break out the treadmill I’m not going to quit. No, there’s no way I will. And I am telling you. I’m wearing a thong. I’m gonna by a bikini too! Who knows I might even buy two! No, no, no, no way. No, no, no, no way I’m living this fat life. I’m not shopping at Lane Bryant. Yes, I’m gonna be free. And you, and you, and you, you won’t recognize me.

January 16, 2009

2

And all of a sudden EVERYONE is a freakin? expert on how to loose weight.

I never knew how many people are experts on how to loose weight and keep it off until I got banded. Now, they are coming out of the woodwork. I’m quiet. I’m calm. I don’t say anything, as they go on and on and ON! I decided early on to be open about being “banded.” Hell, I don’t care what people say or think, and if I can motivate just one person to do whatever works for them to lose the weight, then it’s worth it to me. However, when people find out that I’m banded; that’s when it alllll starts. “The best way to loose weight and keep it off is by eating 6 small meals a day.” “I just cut out all the sodas and that’s how I lost 30lbs.” “Yes, but if you don’t work out 5 times a week for at least 45 minutes, at your target heart range, you won’t keep the weight off.” “I don’t eat anything past 7:00 in the evening.” “I drink only the strained juice from boiled cabbage, and eat only egg white omelets.” “The best way to loose weight and keep it off is by eating 6 small meals a day.” “I do the Atkins diet. I know it’s not healthy, but that’s the best way to loose weight.” “You better be working out at least 3 days a week for 2 hours in the pool, with weights attached to your arms, legs and neck, or you won’t keep the weight off.” “The best way to loose weight is by “praying” it off, and if you pray the weight off you don’t have to exercise because God doesn’t like it when we sweat” “You have to work out EVERY SINGLE day, except Sunday, if you want to keep the weight off…and I think that’s in the Bible somewhere.” “I do the all carb diet.” “I lost 50lbs through hypnosis.” “If you don’t eat breakfast your metabolism stagnates and you’ll actually GAIN weight.” “You better be working out.” “The band causes your body to go into starvation mode and you actually GAIN weight…you need to have that taken out.” “If you don’t exercise, then your body starts burning muscle and you might loose weight, but you won’t keep it off…plus your body will look all gross.” But I don’t say anything. I just smile and think “idiots.” But, what I “want” to say…what I want to say is, “Well, I tell you what; none of this is your business. You obviously don’t have a clue as to what you’re talking about, so you can take your choice: you can either kiss my fat a** now, or you can wait, and kiss my skinny a** in a few months!

January 16, 2009

11

Alert the media!

At LAST...I CAN SEE MY TOES! I can see my toes. I can see my toes. I...can...see...my...TOOOOOOHHHHHHHHZZZZZ! I remember when I started this journey, I stand in my bathroom, butt assed nekkid (that's Southern for naked,) and I'd but my toes on a line of tile. Then I'd straighten up and look down. Nothing. I'd suck in...HARD, and look down. Nothing. Month after month I'd line my toes up and look down. Still nothing...damnit! And yesterday. I lined my piggies up. I looked down, expecting...nothing. And BAM! There they were! My toes! I counted all ten of them. And then today, I went to class at the University. I have to take these summer classes for my licensure. I remembered so many years ago, when I'd squeeze into those damn, tiny assed desks! God, I hated that! I felt so freakin' HUGE! "Stuffed" into a desk. I'd look around and it seemed no one else was having that problem with the desk...just me. I'd think, "You're so lucky and you don't even know it; to NOT have to wrestle with these desks." So, today, I trot my size 14 ass in that class...and I sat down in that desk. NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING touched me, or squooshed me, or squeezed me! I slid in. Do you hear me? I slid in? And then I got back up and sat down in the desk a few more time, just because I COULD! I think a few of the other students may have thought I was a bit mental, but I don't care. And, as if it couldn't get any better...yesterday I was in my favorite thrift store and when I said hello to a friend of mine, she said, "I saw your van out there, but I didn't see you, because I didn't recognize you. You've lost so much weight!" I wanted to scream, " I know, right! It's it awesome?" Instead, I just said thanks. Oh, life is SO GOOD. Next stop; ONEDERLAND! BTW, If you wanna, check out my video blogs on youtube; That crazy fat chick.

July 11, 2009

6

A yummy summer beverage recipe!

Oh, I almost forget. Here’s a recipe for a refreshing summer smoothie that I enjoy frequently…especially since giving up my beloved sugar free ice cream bars. Fill your blender about ½ to capacity with fresh seedless watermelon. Add ½ can of unsweetened pineapple. Add ½ packet of any sugar free, fruit punch drink mix. Make sure it’s the 2 quart sized packet, and not those singles for bottled water. Add two or three packets of artificial sweetner. Fill blender the rest of the way with water and ice. Give it whir and enjoy. Besides, it’s the only way you can eat watermelon and pineapple now that you’re banded! Cheers!

June 28, 2009

4

A short farewell to my beloved sugar free ice cream.

To the tune of Let's just kiss and say goodbye. I had to throw you in the trash, Or I would have eaten you in a flash. This hurts me more than you could know, But this is it! You’ve got to go! You’re my heart, yes, you’re my soul, But I have no self control. As much as I want you in my life, Let’s just kiss and say good-bye.

June 28, 2009

4

A day worth working and waiting for.

Today was one of the best days of my life! I’ve waited so long for this day; a day I though would never come. My, my hubby and my daughter went to Jack’s Falls (I posted some pix in photo section, if you wanna take a look.) We hiked 3 miles in, swam and played at the Falls and then hiked 3 miles out. Was it ungodly hot? Yes. Did I sweat out every ounce of liquid in me? Oh yeah. Am I bruised and exhausted? More than you could possibly imagine. Was it everything I dreamed it would be? Oh, yes! You know, I still have over 50 lbs. to lose and I was by far the oldest woman and fattest woman up there, but I felt like a supermodel! I was rockin’ that size 12, red, Jantzen one piece. I had no problem hoisting my curves up those rocks and climbing to the top of the falls. I stood on the huge rock, felt the moss beneath my toes, the rush of the water against my legs, readied myself to jump and I thought, “It really is amazing how much your life can change in a year.”

August 10, 2009

4

2nd weigh in and fill; down 12 more pounds!

I went for my second weigh in, and was hoping for at least 9 more pounds so that I would have a total weight loss of 25 pounds. I stepped on the scale, and much to my delerious delight found that I had dropped 12 pounds all total! I'm telling you, I just stared at that number; 243. I thought I was going to cry. 28 pounds in just under 8 weeks. It's been so long since I've dipped below 250, that I can't even believe it's my weight on the read out...well, except for the fact that I had to dine on broth and jello for the Christmas holidays, and I've given up sweets, and I don't drink sodas anymore, and I monitor everything that goes into my mouth, and I don't eat fried foods or almost any bread...except for those things, I can't believe it's my weight. My doctor didn't do my fill; his nurse did, and I could hardly feel a thing! So, in the future I will be making all of my appt. with her. One of the best things is that I can finally feel restriction...praise God! I've never been so happy to not be able to eat hardly any of my breakfast in my life! However, the best thing about all of this is not really the weight loss; it's the peace of mind that I have, now. I don't wake up and think about what I'm going to eat, or when I can eat again, how much I'm going to eat, when I'll lose that battle...Even though, I will never say never again about being fat (I've learned my lesson there,) I will say, "Not very damn likely!"

February 18, 2009

2

10 more lbs. gone forever, for a grand total off?38lbs!

I went to today for my 3rd weigh in/fill and was down another 10 pounds! Wooooo-hooooo! Every time I zip up a size 18, I still can’t believe it! It’s strange that I can pretty much predict down to the pound how much I’m going to loose every month…and yes, I only weight once a month. My mom asked me if I’d lost as much as I was hoping for, and I told her, “yes,” because even though I was hoping to loose 12-15 lbs, I knew that was unrealistic, and I knew going in that I was going to be down about 10 lbs. And really, when you think about it, what difference is two more pounds going to make? It’s not. It’s not like people won’t notice that you’ve lost 38 pounds, but they WILL notice 40? A steady loss of 2 lbs. a week is fine with me, hell, it’s more than fine; it’s GREAT! So, here’s what’s weird…and this is sooooo difficult to explain to people who haven’t been banded. At my last fill, I actually felt real restriction, so for the first time in my life, I don’t obsess over food. I don’t binge. I don’t eat and eat and eat and then eat some more. Food has become a non-issue. When anyone asks where I want to eat, I tell them I don’t care; because I really don’t. It’s just not a big deal. So, what’s the problem? Here’s the problem: For almost my entire life I’ve been an addict. My eating disorder had as much of a hold on me as heroin would have on a junkie, or booze would have on an alcoholic. Now, when I’m not hungry, or I’m satisfied…when I’m not “using” food, I associate that feeling with “binging”. Does that make sense? It’s just that it’s been that way for SO long, that my mind has trouble accepting that I’m satisfied and not hungry, and it’s NOT because I’ve eaten everything in sight…it’s because I’m banded. So, I’ve walked around these past 5 weeks thinking, “Shit! I can’t believe I did that! How could I have eaten all that food? How could I go back to “using?” Then, I have to actively remind myself that I haven’t gone back to my old ways; I haven’t binged. It’s just strange…a good strange, but very unsettling all the same. And, get this; I go in and tell my nurse that I don’t think I need a fill, but I’m not sure. She hooks me up and has me drink the “stuff,” and she says, “Oh yeah, you need a fill.” I ask her how she can tell, and she says that she can tell by how easily the liquid is going down. So, as I’m getting ready to leave, she reminds me that I won’t be back for three months, but if I need a fill I need to let them know. My thing is this; I won’t know if I need a fill. I didn’t know this time! I tell her this and she says, “Well if you find yourself getting hungry, then you know you need a fill.” O.K…I didn’t get hungry this time. And I won’t get hungry next time. I guess what I do, is just push it out of my head and ignore it. I joke around that I’m really good at being hungry, but I guess, it’s not a joke. It’s kind of pathetic in a way; I’m so used to being hungry that it’s normal now. Ah well, I guess that’s a concept only a former fat kid can grasp. At any rate, I will close saying this: My life is so GREAT that I can’t believe it’s MINE!

March 26, 2009

4

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