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Blog 52574

A blog by adagray

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About this blog

I was banded on December 17th, 2009 by Dr. Robin Blackstone of Scottsdale Bariatric Center. I received my first fill (3cc) on 1/27/10, second fill (1.5cc) on 2/10/10, third fill (.75cc) on 3/1/10, fourth fill (1.25cc) on 3/29/10, fifth fi

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Bottomless Pit

I don't know what my problem is, but I am so hungry and can eat so much since my last fill. I thought I had pretty good restriction at 4.5cc. Got my 3rd fill on Monday which brought me to 5.25cc and I am so hungry. Ugh! :tt2: All I can think is maybe I am being too 'careful' and eating too many soft-ish foods. So, tonight I am gonna have my DH grill some salmon and asparagus. Wish me luck that it doesn't slide down so easy. :smile2: Oh, the other thing is that my muscles have been sore and I've been tired a lot lately. I started exercising every day over a week ago so maybe my body just really needs the food to repair my muscle? I can only hope! :thumbup:

March 5, 2010

4

Struggling w/Restriction? Grab a Cutie!

I need a fill sooooooo bad. Just ate dinner two hours ago and I am hungry again. Ugh! But, I have discovered one food that seems to do the trick as a snack that actually makes me feel satisfied on very few calories... Cuties! You know those little clementine oranges. I think it must be all the skins/membrane because as much as I chew chew chew, it still feels kind of clumpy when I swallow. But, it doesn't get stuck... at least not for now. My next fill is on Monday and it cannot come soon enough! :blushing:

March 26, 2010

1

Crap!!! First Fill Postponed!

I was just grocery shopping when my surgeon's office called to tell me they had to reschedule my appointment (first fill). I was supposed to have it on Friday (day after tomorrow) and now it will be next Wednesday, the 27th. I'm not really annoyed... I know stuff comes up. But, I was just so excited to get it done on Friday. I feel so deflated, figuratively and literally! :confused: I had made a point of not planning anything for the weekend so it wouldn't be a problem to not eat for 72 hours. And, now I gotta cancel my volunteer day at my daughter's school on Wednesday. And, my mom friends were planning to play Bunko next Thursday night and maybe I should cancel that too. It might just be torture to go play Bunko if I can't eat or drink anything. OK, enough of my pity party. It is what it is. Bleeehghghghghghgh!!!

January 20, 2010

7

Jazzercise Saturday, Sunday, and a Surprise!

I recently decided that I needed to step up my exercise program so I made it a goal to exercise EVERY day (either Jazzercise for one hour or walking on my treadmill for half an hour). My favorite exercise is Jazzercise (and it is a lot more intense than walking), but I can only get to that on Tuesdays and Thursdays during the week due to my schedule. So, I planned to walk the rest of the week on my treadmill and maybe TRY to get to Jazzercise on Saturday morning too. I never have gotten into the routine of doing it on the weekends before because it just always seemed too hard to wake up early on the weekends. But, I'm proud to say I did it this weekend! And, not only did I do Jazzercise at 8am on Saturday, but I went today (Sunday) too at 4:45pm. Woohoo!!! :thumbup: And, as if all of that isn't awesome enough, after class was over today, the instructor walked up to me and told me how great I move and that I could be an instructor. What?!?! Did she not notice that I am the fatest one in the room??? I was blown away. I am really good friends w/two of the other instructors (actually one is the owner), but this instructor did not know me at all nor did she know I was friends w/them. I'm used to friends saying nice things and just thinking they are saying that to be nice, but this was totally out of the blue from someone who doesn't know me. Wow! Not that I want to be a Jazzercise instructor, but having spent my whole life feeling physically inept and awkward because of my size, its fantastic to get a compliment like this. :rolleyes2:

March 1, 2010

1

Today is the Day!!!

My stomach is growling My butt is sore (from the bowel prep) My laundry is clean (and the kids' too) My house is clean (kinda) My medicine cabinet is stocked with... gas-x strips and chewable vitamins My pantry is stocked with... diet jello herbal tea and low sodium chicken broth My treadmill is dusted off My Christmas presents are bought My husband will have to do the rest!!! OK, my attempt at a poem of sorts. I do find it a bit humorous how much preparation goes into this half hour surgery. And, you all know this poem doesn't even begin to cover it all. I could write a separate one about the insurance junk. But, here I am, the day is finally here! :tt1: My surgery got moved back up to 12:30 so I am really happy about that. I was scheduled for 2:30 and was wondering how I would make it that long without food. A 12:30 surgery time makes it a lot easier because I need to be at the hospital by 10:30 which leaves a lot less idle time around here to wallow in my hunger. My 6 yr old son heads off to school at 8:45, then my MIL gets here at 9:15 to watch my daughter, then my hubby and I need to leave by 9:45 to be at the hospital, parked, and in there by 10:30. I'm just enjoying a few silent moments here before my kids wake up. I am anxious to get this over with, but not worried. I mainly just want to be knocked out so I don't have to feel this awful hungry feeling anymore.

December 17, 2009

2

So excited about my new found restriction!

I know I already posted about this yesterday, but it just keeps getting better and better. Last night, I had a small bowl of chili at around 6:30pm for dinner and was not hungry at all for the rest of the night. And, I am a big big late night eater, so this is big for me. I absolutely hate going to sleep on an empty stomach, but for once, my dinner actually kept me satisfied all the way until bedtime. This morning I ran out of time to have b-fast so I grabbed a zone bar to have in the car on the way to church and I could barely finish it! Unbelievable!!! Usually I would just eat one of those to keep my stomach from growling. I don't actually get any 'filling' sensation from them even after my first fill. But, w/this second fill, oh yeah! Woohoo!!! I also lost another pound this morning so a total of 21 pounds since surgery on 12/17. Its so so hard for me to believe this is even real that I could lose 20+ pounds in 2 months. And, not even being perfect about it. Usually, when I had done WW, I had to be absolutely perfect to lose anything and many times it would be a half pound or less. Now I have been contemplating my behavior w/the band and how I really have not been working it as well as I could. Specifically, I had started slacking off on exercise and letting more liquid calories (as in cocktails and wine!) slip back into my life. And, I've asked myself is this what I really want... to do the band half-assed? And, the answer is NO! Clearly, its doing its job for me and its time for me to get more serious about doing my part. So, now I think I am ready to make some goals. A friend of mine is getting married on April 2nd and I am making it a goal to lose 15 more pounds by her wedding so I can feel cute dressed up (instead of frumpy). I am 221 right now so that would put me at 206. To achieve this, I am going to: 1) Attend Jazzercise at least 2x per week 2) Walk for 30 minutes at least 4x per week (on the days I don't do Jazzercise) 3) Limit alcohol to only 1x per week Wish me good luck and persistence! :confused:

February 14, 2010

5

First Stuck Episode

Just when I thought I had no resriction, I had my first real stuck episode tonight. First of all, I think I must be retaining water. I have felt bloated all day. And, I think this is what must be making me feel restricted cause I have not felt any restriction for awhile (I'm 3 weeks out from surgery and no fill yet). Anyway, so this morning I had a baby shower to go to and when it came time to eat, I splurged on having two eggs benedict, some shrimp, and mixed fruit. I could feel the food not going down so well so I stopped eating. It was so weird for me to not finish my plate cause everything was so good. OK, so flash forward to tonight's dinner and we had grilled salmon, grilled asparagus, pasta, and rolls. I was just gonna eat the salmon and asparagus and I could feel some of the asparagus was not so tender, but it was still going through fine. Then, I decided what the heck, I think I'll have a roll. BIG MISTAKE!!! By the time, I felt it getting stuck, I had already eaten almost the whole thing. It hurt really bad. I excused myself to the bathroom and took my water with me. My mom had said you can take a sip of water to help it come back up if needed (she's been banded for 2 years). But, when you are stuck, the last thing you want to do is to add anything to the mix. I took some tiny tiny sips and it just made it worse. It was a weird sensation feeling the water work its way down and little bubbles coming up. I am a woos when it comes to throw-up. I don't even know how to make myself throw-up if I needed to. I remembered that someone on here says it helps to hold your hands up high in the air so I did that for awhile. That seemed to work OK and the roll finally made its way through over the course of a few minutes. I know some stuck episodes can be a lot worse so I'm thankful this passed pretty quickly. But, I never ever want to feel that again so I am staying far far away from bread from now on. I hardly ever eat bread products anyway because I have an intolerance to wheat (makes me really tired), but just indulged today because it wasn't gonna matter if I got tired. Anyway, this whole experience has taught me that I also really need to be careful anytime I am retaining water or feel bloated. And, I need to try to prevent that too. I think I was so bloated because I ate some really salty stuff last night which makes you retain water. And, I had wine which makes you dehydated. And, when you are dehydrated, your body reacts by retaining water too. So, I gotta really watch all that stuff now... not just for the calories (which I knew were bad), but because of how it effects your restriction. On the bright side, I got on the scale yesterday and lost another pound! Woohoo!!!

January 11, 2010

1

Some things I may give up for good...

In the post-op class I took w/others that got banded by my surgeon the same week, the dietician recommended that we give up some things for just the first month after banding. And, after giving them up, I'm thinking I may just be better off without them at all: 1) Red Meat and Pork 2) Caffeine 3) Artificial Sweeteners The funny thing is that I really missed the red meat and pork the first week because I am so used to having these options when I plan my cooking for the week. But, now, I've found all sorts of chicken and turkey products, fish, and soy products I love. And, with my high cholesterol and other health issues, am thinking maybe I am better off to just not even try to eat red meat or pork again. I think most bandsters have trouble getting them down once they have proper restriction anyway so what is the point of reintroducing these just to end up taking them away again later I figure. Now, w/the caffeine, there have certainly been DAYS when I would have LOVED to have a cup of coffee to get me going in the morning. But, overall, it feels great to have broken this addiction. I actually crave a big glass of water in the morning now. And, the removal of artificial sweeteners has had the most amazing effect for me. The dietician claimed that artificial sweeteners make you crave more sugar and I really didn't believe her when she said that. But, much to my amazement, she was right! I used to crave sweets all the time and now I can take 'em or leave 'em quite easily. I've been using agave nectar instead which is a natural sweetener (similar calories to sugar), but much lower on the glycemic index (so good for my prediabetes). It feels weird to add 'calories' when I know I could just throw in some splenda for 'free', but I can't argue w/the results I am enjoying. No more sugar monster! Anyway, I'm just so surprised that I'm even considering embracing these changes long-term when I had grumbled about them in the first place. And, I'm trying to figure out how I will handle the lamb chop dinner my mother-in-law is planning a week after my first fill. I have already told her not to worry about me when she plans meals because... (1) I really don't eat much now and (2) I can always find something that works for me out of everything she makes. It seems like everyone worries about whether their menu will agree w/me now that I have lapband and I'm the only one who is NOT worried because I know that even if there is hardly anything I can eat, I don't need much anyway. Oh, by the way, I am down 2 more pounds as of a couple days ago. Yay!!! :thumbup:

January 17, 2010

5

3 Days Post-Op - I can eat TOMORROW!!!

First off, I woke up this morning w/the worst shoulder/neck pain ever. I was never this sore in the hospital. The pain was so bad I was crying and shaking. I had to wake up my husband to help me get the heating pad on and pour my medicine out for me. Its weird that I feel like I'm at the most difficult point w/my recovery and I'm 3 days post-op. I thought it would just get better and better, but today was a big setback. I realize, though, that I had not been doing all the walking that my doctor had recommended. And, I feel like the pain med (Lortab) is slowing my bowels too much so that I am not passing the gas as fast as I should. So, I've stepped up my walking and am trying to just take tylenol sometimes instead of Lortab all the time. Its rough! And, I just hope it gets better by Tuesday when I am supposed to go for my post-op education (3 hours in the morning - I'm am gonna be miserable if this pain is not mostly gone by then. I am also really really really sick of broth, tea, and jello now. And, my stomach is making the weirdest noises. I am so excited to be able to eat REAL food tomorrow. I am fantasizing about cottage cheese. Yes, I am desperate at this point! I should add, though, that I am still so so very grateful to be able to have this surgery. I have no doubt that it will be soooooo worth it in the long-run. A small price to pay for the chance to get my health back. :tt1:

December 20, 2009

5

Good Body Day

You know how sometimes you have a 'good hair day'. Well, today has just felt like a 'good body day' all day. The scale has not budged, but I feel skinnier. My jeans were loose when I put them on this morning and so was my shirt. It was windy and kept blowing in the wind like it is all flowy on me (not sticking to my bulges like normal). LOL After I had my kids off to school, I stopped at Ross to return a shirt I had bought that just didn't work w/the outfit I had imagined it with. I decided to do a little shopping as long as I was there and everything looked so good in the dressing room. My stomach just looks slimmer and not so bloated anymore. I got a great deal on three new tops... all a little snug so room to shrink. :biggrin: OK, now its time to hop on the treadmill and get my 30 minutes in! :thumbup:

January 8, 2010

1

Second Fill Appointment Scheduled

When I got my first fill last week (1/27), I was told I could have another fill in two weeks if I still felt I was in the yellow zone (hungry between meals, eating large portions, etc.). They just told me to wait one week to see how I feel first and then I could call and schedule the next fill for the next week. Yesterday, I was crazy hungry all day... may have something to do w/starting back at Jazzercise. So, I called this morning to schedule my second fill (thinking it would probably take them at least another two weeks to get me in). Well, I was very pleasantly surprised that they can do my fill next Wednesday, 2/10 (so exactly 2 weeks after my first). Yay!!! :biggrin: Its funny, when I tell my friends how I get stuck w/a needle and aren't supposed to eat for 72 hours after, they figure I would want to postpone as long as possible between fills. And, personally, I was a teensy weensy bit tempted to schedule this fill AFTER Valentine's Day since DH and I have reservations for a very nice dinner out. But, above anything else, I just want to get this show on the road. And, ultimately, this will be my life. I can still enjoy our V-Day dinner out, but savoring a small amount of food (maybe just getting an appetizer for my meal) rather than stuffing myself w/a 4 course meal. I am ready!!! :confused: I've been so happy w/what the band has done for me already, but I am eager to get it working to its full potential. :drool:

February 3, 2010

3

2 days post-op, 1 more day till I can eat real food!

Things have been a little more rough since I left the hospital. The dosage of pain medication I was prescribed for home is significantly less than what I was getting in the hospital and boy does it make a difference!!! My gas pain was pretty bad last night and the gas-x strips don't seem to work very well on it when it is in my back and shoulder. A heating pad helps w/my back, though, and I did end up getting a good night's sleep. I had one big farting episode in the middle of the night that helped relieve a lot of the gas pressure and then another today. I have never wished I could fart more in my whole life. I would love to just toot toot toot all the rest of this out of my body and be done w/it. Sorry, TMI!!! I am also really getting tired of only being able to have broth, herbal tea, diet jello, and water. I did discuss this w/my surgeon's assistant and she assured me that the hunger I am feeling right now is really just head hunger. And, I agree because this doesn't feel like the real hunger I had right before surgery. Right before surgery (I had not eaten for 24 hours), my stomach was growling really bad and felt like it was eating itself. I couldn't think of anything except how hungry I was and how I wanted to be knocked out so I wouldn't feel hungry. My 'hunger' now is more of just wanting to taste and enjoy something different than jello, broth, and tea. Anyway, I am so thankful my husband has been so supportive and helpful AND has not been eating around me. What a saint! He went over to my inlaws tonight w/the kids for dinner. I just have to get through one more day of no eating now and then I can start trying foods on Monday. My surgeon has you go straight to real food, but to be safe I will start w/cottage cheese or yogurt I think. Then, I have some good deli meat I got from Costco and also some smoked salmon. Mmmmmmmm, that sounds so good. I also have some yummy soups in the pantry... roasted red pepper & tomato w/a dollop of greek yogurt... mmmmmm, I am giving myself more 'head hunger' now. :tt1: I watched Julie and Julia last night. What a great movie to watch when you can't eat eh?

December 20, 2009

2

T-7 Days to Banding

Its hard to believe my banding is only one week away now. I've been working on this ALL YEAR, literally. I decided in early December last year that I was going to pursue getting WLS and after 6 months nutrition visits, two denials, two appeals, and finally one APPROVAL, I am scheduled for Lapband surgery in exactly one week, 12/17!!! Ever since my approval, I have been feeling more optimistic about my whole life and have been making healthy changes to my lifestyle. My surgeon does not require a pre-op diet, though, so I haven't really buckled down or made any real rules for myself. The only exception being that I cut out alcohol last week. I love my wine and gin and it just doesn't seem healthy to keep that up going straight into surgery. And, this week, I want to really buckle down and be as healthy as I can without actually restricting calories or being hungry. So, I've decided on a few rules for this week. Here goes... Diet: drink at least 8 big glasses of water per day
cut out rice, pasta, bread, and potatoes (focus on protein and non-starchy vegies instead)
replace b-fast w/a protein shake
minimize sweets (eat yogurt or jello if I want a dessert)
continue w/no alcohol
Exercise: 45 minutes/day either walking outside or on the treadmill (normally I prefer to do Jazzercise, but I'm not supposed to for at least one month after surgery so I gotta get used to walking instead)
Other: use my CPAP machine every night (I haven't been and my surgeon wants me to)
practice using the spirometer gadget they gave us in pre-op class
I think if I do all this I will be in good shape for sugery in a week. Wish me luck! :tongue2:

December 10, 2009

4

2 more pounds down! Woohoo!!!

FINALLY, the scale is moving again. I was stuck at 227 for a couple weeks there. Really, it went up and then back down over the course of my TOM. I knew I was retaining water. Well, now all that water weight is gone and I'm down two more pounds. Woohoo!!!!!! So, now I am 17 pounds down since surgery on 12/17 and 24 pounds down overall... almost 1/4 of the way to my goal. W:smile2:W!!!

January 29, 2010

1

11 Days Post Op, 10 Pounds GONE!!!

Its been awhile since I posted. Its been busy, busy, busy w/my parents visiting from Hawaii. I have become totally addicted to the scale cause my weight just keeps goind down! :thumbdown: I have forced myself to cut back to weighing every other day, though, instead of every day. But, it is such a novelty to me to see my weight drop so quickly like this. I NEVER would lose more than 1-2 pounds per week on Weight Watchers and there would be many many weeks where I would lose nothing or even gain. And, WW was soooooo hard. So far, this has been pretty easy. I'm just satisfied on so much less. Genius! Now, over the course of my parents' visit, I have taken some liberties on my food which are not recommended by my dietition. I am allowed almost every kind of food right now, but am supposed to avoid starch, red meat, wine, and dessert. The truth is I've had a little bit of all those things. Not as an uncontrolled cheat, but w/the conscious decision that I am trying to rid myself of the 'all-or-nothing' thinking or 'dieting' thinking which has always been to my detriment. So, last night when we went for Mexican, I did eat a few tortilla chips, but did not shovel them into my mouth the whole time we were waiting for our food. And, I ate one fish taco that was on a small corn tortilla (saved the other one to take home). The other day for lunch, my mom and I split one serving of bolognese over polenta (and it was a fancy place, so half a serving was really small) and I had two spoonfuls of creme brulee. Sorry if I am making your mouth water. :crying: But, I'm happy that this type of moderation actually works w/the band. I always wanted to moderate my intake before, but I was so damn hungry I couldn't stop at half a serving or a couple bites. :drool: I do realize I'm in sort of a honeymoon period right now, though. My next challenge is to start my regular exercise program as soon as my parents leave (tomorrow morning). We've been doing active things... like yesterday we went to the Desert Botanical Gardens and walked A LOT! But, I know that once they leave, I've got to get a regular routine going because my normal daily activity is not nearly enough to keep my metabolism going good. You all might think I'm crazy, but I'm planning on making it my goal to exercise TWICE per day. Nothing strenuous, but do two walking sessions of at least 30 minutes... one in the AM hours and one on my treadmill while watching TV after my kids go to sleep (around 8:30). Having been on A LOT of diets before, I know my metabolism really responds to this. Its how I've broken through plateaus before. And, now that I'm a SAHM w/one kid in school and one kid in preschool, I really don't have any excuse for NOT putting more effort into exercise. For once in my life, I've got the time!!! :thumbup:

December 28, 2009

2

Lesson Learned... Skipping Lunch = Late Night Eating

One habit I've been so proud to break is the awful late night eating I used to do. I would affectionately call it my 'Fourth Meal' (like those taco bell commercials). Usually my 'Fourth Meal' was the biggest meal of my day. Actually, not really a meal at all, but endless grazing that would go on from the time my kids went to bed to when I went to bed... usually based on a little bit of hunger mixed with a whole lot of 'I deserve it'. Well, since the band and all the pre and post-op education I received on 'head hunger', I've pretty much eliminated that 'Fourth Meal'. I think the band has genuinely made me feel satiated for longer, but also I am being a lot more mindful of trying to break this habit. What I learned today, though, is that a skipped meal will always catch up w/me. I remember Dr. Oz talking about how eating breakfast is so important otherwise you are trying to catch up to your hunger all day. And, I'm good about eating breakfast. I can't remember the last time I missed breakfast. But, today I slept in and had a late breakfast and by the time I was thinking about lunch, it was only two more hours until dinner. So, I forced myself to make do w/just a yogurt until dinner (figuring I might save some calories today). Boy was I wrong about that! After my dinner of grilled salmon and asparagus, I just could not shut off my hunger. A couple hours later, I grabbed a few rice chex figuring maybe my body was craving carbs. I try to keep the carbs low, but sometimes its the only way to quiet my hunger. The rice chex did NOTHING for me. So, I had a big bowl of strawberries... still hungry. OK, so I had a big bowl of more grilled asparagus leftover from dinner (figuring that would make me feel 'full')... no way! Time to bring out the big guns... Protein. So, I reheated a piece of leftover salmon. But, even the salmon does not satiate me. At this point I am feeling like the Very Hungry Caterpillar... STILL HUNGRY!!! One half bag* of Peanut M&Ms later... SO SATISFIED!!! The moral of this story... don't skip meals! They catch up with you!!! AND, I can't wait for my first fill on Friday. I can eat A LOT of food right now! :confused: * Just want to clarify that was 1/2 of a normal size bag of M&Ms (like the kind you get in the checkout line at the grocery store)... not the jumbo fill your candy dish type bag. Don't want to make myself sound worse than I am. :wink2:

January 19, 2010

4

And, the scale stands still!

:eek:Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... I'm on a plateau!!!! :biggrin: Just kidding!!! I think this is just a sign that its time to stop weighing so often. I lost 10 pounds real quick after my surgery 2 weeks ago, but I knew it was not gonna continue like that through the whole month until my first fill. My swelling is gone and I don't have much restriction. I guess this what they call 'Bandster Hell', but I refuse to see it that way. My surgeon told me my only job this month is to heal... and to NOT worry about the weightloss. Smart woman! :biggrin: I have started my walking program as of two days ago. The first day, I walked one time for half an hour, but was too tired to walk a second time in the evening. Yesterday, I walked for a half hour two times (once the the AM and once in the evening). I know if I keep this up and use a little willpower about the food, I can still lose maybe a pound a week (hopefully - like a normal diet) until my first fill on 1/22. But, I guess its time to stop weighing every other day. Maybe I should make Thursday my weigh-in day. Only three more Thursdays before my first fill!!! :biggrin:

December 31, 2009

4

And, drumroll please... I have restriction!!!

OK, I know it is temporary because I am only 4 days post-op so as soon as the swelling goes down, it will probably be gone. But, for now, I am enjoying it. Today was my first day I could eat food. I had cottage cheese and smoked salmon for breakfast. I felt satisfied, but didn't really feel full or what I would consider restriction. I could've eaten more, but stopped. But, for lunch I took two pieces of turkey lunchmeat and rolled each piece around a little bit of cheese, then microwaved it. After eating these, I definitely felt full (not uncomfortable, but definitely done) and they were not big at all. My doctor was right that the more 'solid' the food is, the more full you feel and for a long time. I'm so happy! I don't know why, but I expected that I would not feel any restriction until maybe a few fills. It was just hard for me to imagine being truly satisfied on so little. Oh, and bonus, I already met my protein requirement for the day (70 grams) and haven't even ate dinner yet. I am doing good!!! :cursing:

December 21, 2009

2

A blessing in disguise...

I was so bummed a couple of days ago when my surgeon's office called to say that they had to postpone my fill from this Friday to next Wednesday. I would've been getting my fill right NOW, but I am so glad right now that I'm not. I woke up this morning w/terrible cramps and sooooo bloated. Yep, my TOM is here w/a vengeance. I can't even get my rings off if I wanted to. I've heard that water retention and bloat like this can make your band feel tighter so I am so glad I am not getting my first fill right now. And, I usually only have PMS type symptoms the first day or two so I should be totally back to normal by Wednesday for sure. :thumbup:

January 22, 2010

3

The Day Before the Day Before...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!! I'm freaking out, but not freaking out at the same time. I just can't believe the day is almost here. Nevermind about all that good stuff I said I was gonna do this last week in my 'T-7 Days' post. Not saying I've been 'bad', but I haven't been THAT good about meeting ALL of those daily goals. I just feel like I'm going crazy trying to get everything done that I need to before surgery. Its like Christmas is on the 17th because I figure I'll be out of commision until Christmas so everything I need ready for Christmas, has to be ready by the 17th. Oh well, excuses, excuses, but I am doing the best I can and still following all of my surgeon's rules. I tried to get out of some of my Christmas commitments, but my DH is a stickler for tradition and doesn't want to cut anything out this year. So, we baked cookies all last weekend even though I can hardly eat any. And, I have to get our Christmas Letter done today even though all of our friends are on Facebook and know what we are doing anyway. I know my DH is a little crazy when it comes to this Christmas stuff, but he is also helping me out w/a lot of other stuff so I will humor him on it. If there is one thing I've learned on this journey is just how lucky I am to have such a supportive husband. He has juggled his schedule around many many times for my doctor appointments and he changed his time off so he will be off for a week and a half after my surgery. Last night, he could tell I was stressing out, so he did the kids' baths, homework, whole goodnight routine, and cleaned the entire kitchen like I've never seen him do before. And, I'm just so grateful because I really do need to rest up as much as I can so I'm going into this surgery as healthy as possible (not burnt out and overtired). OK, so today is my last day of eating light (but normal). I had a chicken breast for b-fast. I know that is weird, but it is high protein and I felt like I needed something more substantial than a shake. I am gonna have more chicken and vegies for lunch and quinoa pasta w/ground turkey and spaghetti sauce for dinner w/more vegies. Tomorrow morning I can have a light b-fast (not sure what that will be yet), then doctor's orders are to have only soup for lunch, followed by bowel prep at 1pm (magnesium citrate laxative drink). This thing looks disgusting, cherry flavor, but you know it is going to be YUK!!! After that, I can only have clear liquids until midnight and then NOTHING after midnight and my surgery is not until 2:30pm the next day. Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

December 15, 2009

3

No More New Years' Resolutions!

For once in my life, I feel a great deal of peace about everything. I was banded on 12/17 and whatever I can achieve w/this band, will be just fine. It doesn't matter how long it takes as long as I keep moving in the right direction. Hence, there is no need for New Years' Resolutions. I will continue to strive towards moderation while being kind to myself as much as possible through this journey. :wink: One of the psychologists at my surgeon's office said that we never have to be 'dieters' again. This has been and will be one of my biggest challenges... to give up the 'dieting' and 'all or nothing' mentality that has only been a detriment to me throughout my life. One of the buzzwords I used to hate... 'lifestyle' is something I am ready to embrace now that I have this tool that makes it possible for this 'lifestyle' to not include constant hunger. :biggrin: I have to admit that a part of me is sooooooo curious to see where I end up at the end of this year. But, I won't pressure myself to end up at any particular spot by the end of the year. I will do the best I can and my body will do what its gonna do. And, I will enjoy the journey. :biggrin: I wish you all Peace & Happiness in this New Year. :biggrin:

January 1, 2010

2

Scared to get on the scale...

I had a bad bad weekend. Actually, if I am to be perfectly honest, a bad five days. Everything went downhill as of last Wednesday. I've just been feeling blah and unmotivated. My friend had her bday party last night and got a private cabana, bottle service, etc. Today, DH got McD's for the kids and I had a Big Mac. I can't even remember the last time I had a Big Mac. Oh well, I gotta pick myself back up, weigh myself tomorrow, and get back on the program. I'm so glad I have my second fill scheduled for Wednesday. I so NEED it! And, I need to do my part too, but it will certainly help when the band will say no to the Big Mac even when I say yes. LOL

February 8, 2010

5

Yesterday was so busy...

I know I overdid it, but how can I help myself when it is so close to Christmas. I had my post-op class yesterday morning. There were really only two topics... A psychologist came in to discuss the difference between head hunger, real hunger, how to rate your hunger, etc. Then, a dietician came in to discuss the rules around our eating for the first month. It was all good! And, I was feeling good so decided to stop at Costco on the way home for some stuff I need for Christmas Eve and Christmas. My parents are flying in tonight. Not staying with us, but I am hosting all day in my home on Christmas Eve and Christmas so there is a ton of meal planning and food that I need for everyone. Well, I got some of what I needed at Costco, but they were out of fresh turkeys that were big enough for what I need so I stopped at Safeway on the way home. Originally, I had planned to just get the stuff that they might run out of and then send my husband back for the rest. But, I was there and it just seemed easier to get it all done. By the time I got home, it was 2pm and I was STARVING! I had not eaten since 8:30am and all I had then was cottage cheese. So, I took two pieces of turkey deli meat, put a little cheese in each one, rolled it up, and microwaved it. Then, proceeded to eat it AS I put the groceries away. I chewed very well, but this is so NOT what they mean by 'mindful eating'. LOL Oh well, live and learn. I know this is something I have to work on... I tend to go go go until I am about to colapse. It worked out OK this time, but the reason they don't want you to do that is you can end up eating too fast or grabbing something unhealthy because you are just out-of-your-mind with hunger. OK, so by now my incision are killing me. All that shopping meant a lot of stooping, reaching, and lifting took a lot out of me. So, I laid down for awhile. After awhile, my husband came in and offered to take the kids out for dinner so I could rest some more. Great! But, did I rest? Nooooooo, I immediately got up and wrapped the presents I got for him and presents for my parents. More stooping, reaching, and lifting to get the presents out of their hiding places and get the wrapping stuff out of the box that was on the floor. I never realized how much I am picking stuff up off the floor!!! So, by the end of all that I was REALLY wiped out! Last night was a torturous night sleep. I had still been taking the Lortab every night. I love anything that makes me drowsy at night. :cursing: But, I decided it was time to be done with this, so I didn't take it. And, boy did I have trouble falling asleep and I kept waking up w/an annoying dry little cough. The most annoying thing about this cough is that it REALLY hurts my port site every time I cough. So, instead of just a little cough, roll over and go back to sleep. I cough, have sharp burning pain that completely wakes me up, try to roll over (woops, cannot do that yet), and then lay there obsessing about how I am gonna get any sleep w/this cough. I took cough drops, drank water, etc., but the annoying little cough kept coming back. Ugh! :scared2: So, hence, why I am up earlier than needed... to put an end to that torture. I have my post-op check-up this morning where they check my bandages, etc. and will ask if I can take benadryl to help me sleep now. This is what I normally take when I have trouble and my PCP says that is fine, but I want to make sure it is OK for my pouch first. Oh, one other thing I wanted to mention is I seem to have developed an unhealthy addiction to the scale already. My water weight is finally coming off and I am seeing some lower numbers. I know from past dieting on WW that I should not be checking the scale all the time, though. It is giving me that diet/weigh-in/obsessing mentality. I might need to get rid of it!

December 23, 2009

1

I'm having a hard time believing it...

Every time I look at the scale, I'm having a hard time believing the number there. This morning I got on and found that I had lost ANOTHER two pounds! Woohoo!!! I am now down 19 pounds since surgery (12/17) and 26 pounds overall (from my highest). This is all SO fast for me. Don't get me wrong, of course I LOVE it! But, for the first time, my head is having a hard time keeping up w/my weightloss. I feel like people can't possibly notice a difference, but everyone says they can. And, I can't believe I could fit into a smaller size, but I just tried some on from my closet and they fit. In a weird way, it feels like I don't deserve this because I haven't suffered and been hungry since surgery. I have associated hunger and deprivation w/weightloss for so long now. It is just so weird to be rewarded w/the weightloss, but without the discipline and obsession w/'points' required by WW. Or, eating your teeny tiny lunch on Jenny Craig and feeling so damn hungry you want to crawl under a rock until your next teeny tiny meal. Of course, I have to follow the band rules and I guess that is a 'diet' of sorts. But, it sure is a hell of a lot easier than any other 'diet' I have ever been on and, at the same time, I'm losing weight faster too. And, even though I am still in the 'yellow' zone w/my band (don't have quite the restriction I should), it is helping me tremendously w/portion control and hunger which is SO FREEing after this lifetime of struggling w/diets that I have endured. So, I guess I'm having a lovefest w/my band today. I can already see that this is gonna turn out to be one of the best decisions I ever made. :bored:

February 1, 2010

3

The Day After...

I am happy to report that, so far, my recovery has been pretty easy. I had some back and neck pain yesterday (from the gas), but most of that is gone now after taking several walks around the bariatric unit here. I have to say that yesterday the most annoying thing was just being hooked up to so many wires. I still have an IV, but the thing on my finger to track my oxygen and pulse is gone now, the leg pumpers are gone, the thingy w/five wires to my chest is gone, and I no longer have the BP cuff attached to my arm the whole time and going off every 5 minutes. So, I'm finally untangled enough to hook up my computer here! :tt1: Now, my FAVORITE thing about being in the hospital has got to be being wheeled around in a bed. I don't know why, but that just makes me giggle inside. The one thing I am kinda worried about now, though, is how I am gonna make it until Monday without eating anything. I am only allowed herbal tea, diet jello, and broth. I think I will e-mail my dietician and just check to see if anything else would be allowable if I am up for it. I have some of those protein bullet shots at home and maybe they would allow that?

December 18, 2009

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