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About this blog

I was banded on December 17th, 2009 by Dr. Robin Blackstone of Scottsdale Bariatric Center. I received my first fill (3cc) on 1/27/10, second fill (1.5cc) on 2/10/10, third fill (.75cc) on 3/1/10, fourth fill (1.25cc) on 3/29/10, fifth fi

Entries in this blog

 

My last meal...

Surgery day is tomorrow. I know I'm not gonna get much sympathy from you all cause I know most of you had to do a pre-op liquid diet. But, for me, this morning was my last meal. I had hard boiled eggs and polenta... trying to stick w/the surgeon's recommendation on what a 'light breakfast is'. My paperwork said eggs and toast, but I have an intolerance to gluten so bread does not agree w/me. So, I ate some leftover polenta (cornmeal mush type thing) I had made for dinner the other night. Its hard to eat 'light' when you know you are not eating again for 5 days! Ack!!!   For lunch, I am only supposed to have soup, then I do the bowel prep (magnesium citrate) at 1pm. I am soooooooo not looking forward to that. I am NOT constipated ever so this stuff is probably gonna give me terrible diarreah. Sorry, TMI! :confused:   Anyway, I am excited to get on w/this. Its been a long time coming. It took me the whole year to get all the stuff done required by my insurance and then I was denied twice and was finally approved on my second appeal. I am sooooooo ready to get this done now. I've mostly just been paranoid for the last two weeks that I would get sick and that would delay my surgery once again. Yesterday I had a scare because I thought I was getting a sore throat, but it turned out to be just an inflamed tastebud on the back of my tongue. I was inspecting and poking my tongue and finally figured it out. And, today it is gone since I stopped gargling w/salt water.
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9
 

Pants on the ground, pants on the ground...

I'm lookin like a fool with my pants on the ground! Hey, I was so excited about new found restriction after my second fill that I forgot to post about my first big NSV.   Well, I knew my jeans were getting loose, but on Sunday I realized they were getting WAY too loose as I kept having to hike them up in public (which I'm sure looks ridiculous). I gave 'em a test to see if I could pull them on and off without unbuttoning them and sure enough I could so I figured it was time to start wearing the next size smaller jeans in my closet. And, let me tell you I feel so 'skinny' in these jeans. I have been wearing them every day since Sunday and plan on wearing them again today. :thumbup:   The funny thing is that at some point, I had considered these now smaller jeans my 'fat jeans'. I remember I had gained weight and vowed not to gain anymore (yeah right!) so I only allowed myself to buy Target jeans. I mean why would I want to spend money on jeans I would only be wearing briefly? Ugh! So, now I get to wear them again. And, I have three pairs of these Target jeans (two medium wash, one dark dark wash) so how can I justify needing a different pair in this size??? I guess I better just speed through this size because I know I have at least one cute pair in the next size down. LOL Not that these are ugly, but they just aren't cute (going out) jeans.   Sometimes I think I am the weirdest fat woman because it never bothered me to buy new fat clothes. So many people say they HAVE to throw out their fat clothes so they CAN'T gain weight again. But, for me, I love buying clothes so every time I have lost OR gained, I've bought more and more and more clothes. I am really trying hard not to purchase too many new things this time as I lose through the sizes again, though. I've got so many clothes (only 1-2 years old) in every size.   I did splurge and buy two new tops from Lane Bryant online, though. They had some really pretty (dressy) tops from the Icon collection (normally $98) on clearance for $12. I ordered them on the small side so hopefully one of them will fit for my friend's wedding on 4/2. Normally I would not wear pants to a wedding, but I feel like such a cow in a dress right now. And, this is a second wedding and my friend is young and very casual. So, I'm thinking black dress pants (which I just happen to have in a smaller size right now) and one of these dressy tops might make for a pretty outfit without dropping a lot of $$$.   OK, I am getting off on a tanget now, but gotta mention one other great NSV I had on Monday. My inlaws were on their way over so I was doing my normal run-around-and-try-to-straighten-the-house-as-quickly-as-possible routine. I've got a 4 and a 6 year old so this usually involves a lot of huffing and puffing and straining to pick all their stuff up off the floor. But, you know what I noticed???? Picking stuff up off the floor is getting a lot easier. I don't feel like my head is gonna pop off anymore when I'm doing this. And, I swept all my floors in just 15 minutes and usually that takes me a lot longer. Woohoo!!! This is the everyday stuff that really matters when it comes to feeling good.
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7
 

Crap!!! First Fill Postponed!

I was just grocery shopping when my surgeon's office called to tell me they had to reschedule my appointment (first fill). I was supposed to have it on Friday (day after tomorrow) and now it will be next Wednesday, the 27th. I'm not really annoyed... I know stuff comes up. But, I was just so excited to get it done on Friday. I feel so deflated, figuratively and literally! :confused:   I had made a point of not planning anything for the weekend so it wouldn't be a problem to not eat for 72 hours. And, now I gotta cancel my volunteer day at my daughter's school on Wednesday. And, my mom friends were planning to play Bunko next Thursday night and maybe I should cancel that too. It might just be torture to go play Bunko if I can't eat or drink anything.   OK, enough of my pity party. It is what it is. Bleeehghghghghghgh!!!
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7
 

I'm back to my love affair...

w/the band! Since cutting out alcohol and other empty calories AND exercising every day, I have now lost two pounds in the last four days. Yes, this band really does work when you work with it! :smile:   I almost don't feel like I really NEED my 3rd fill that I have scheduled for Monday (I scheduled it when my weightloss had stalled), but I know I could still use at least a small fill. I'm not at my sweet spot, but I can tell that I am not that far away from it either. :thumbup:   For example, I can eat a fairly large portion right now, but I can also be satisfied on a smaller portion. And, I do think about food between meals, but I can usually get by w/just water until my next meal. Last night I was so sure my dinner was not gonna last me until bedtime. I ate at 5:30pm and was feeling the munchies around 8:00pm. I was gonna have an artichoke (healthy at least), but got distracted and tired watching TV and just ended up going to bed. Woohoo!!! :thumbup:   So, even though my restriction is not perfect w/the band yet, its definitely better than during my TOM when I was really hungry and felt like a bottomless pit. :smile:   Now, instead of worrying about not getting enough fill at my next appointment, I'm a little worried about getting overfilled. But, I'm just a worry wart in general.   My ideal would be if I can get to the point where I can still eat almost everything (if I chew it enough), be satisfied w/a small meal, and not think about food between meals. I have not PB'd or thrown up at all yet and hope that when/if I do, it will not become a regular thing. I did get stuck on a roll once (in my first month post-op) and was in pain for 5 minutes, but I don't know how to make myself puke (or I have an aversion to it) so I just waited it out. Now I have an aversion to rolls! But, that's a good thing. :thumbup:
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6
 

Shopping in the REGULAR sizes today!

I went to Nordstrom Rack today. Honestly, I kinda hate this store. Everything is so disorganized and they don't carry any plus size even though Nordstrom does. Kinda makes you wonder where the clothes come from because if they came from Nordstrom, wouldn't they have some plus size too? :thumbup:   But, anyway, I happened to be doing some shopping nearby so thought I would stop in and look through their stuff to see if I could find some new black capri pants. The biggest size I could find there was 16 and they didn't have much. But, there was one pair of really nice looking black capris made by some designer I never heard of before. The tag said they were originally $139 :eek:, but marked down to $34. That's more like it! :tongue_smilie: Actually, a little more than I like to spend on transitional clothes, but I decided to try them on anyway.   Wow! These turned out to be the most amazing pants for a WLS patient. They fit from right above the crotch down very nicely (not tight, but not loose). Higher up, they don't really fit me. I have to suck and tuck and squeeze to get the zipper up. :thumbup: But, they are made of this really high quality stretchy material that holds my stomach in like a girdle and is actually comfy at the same time. And, they are high-waisted so no muffin top either.   When I got them home, I promptly pulled out all the smaller tops I unpacked recently that would go w/black capris and tried them all on w/my new 'girdle pants'. All of my tops cover the tight part so every outfit looked awesome. Its like I lost another 10 pounds today! :w00t:
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6
 

Scheduled 3rd Fill

I was so excited that I might be close to my sweet spot after my second fill (about a week and a half ago). But, over the past few days, whatever restriction I was feeling is gone again. So, I went ahead and made an appointment for my 3rd fill. Couldn't find a time that worked next week so will have to wait until the following Monday, March 1st.   Oh well, I'm just happy I'm allowed a fill every two weeks until I get to the right restriction. For those few days when I did have good restriction, it was GREAT! I'm so looking forward to getting to the point where I feel that way all the time... small meals, three meals per day, and no hunger in between.   As for the scale lately, it is just not budging. But, it is my TOM so I'm hoping this is just because of water retention and that I will get to see the scale move again in a few days.
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5
 

Scared to get on the scale...

I had a bad bad weekend. Actually, if I am to be perfectly honest, a bad five days. Everything went downhill as of last Wednesday. I've just been feeling blah and unmotivated. My friend had her bday party last night and got a private cabana, bottle service, etc. Today, DH got McD's for the kids and I had a Big Mac. I can't even remember the last time I had a Big Mac.   Oh well, I gotta pick myself back up, weigh myself tomorrow, and get back on the program. I'm so glad I have my second fill scheduled for Wednesday. I so NEED it! And, I need to do my part too, but it will certainly help when the band will say no to the Big Mac even when I say yes. LOL
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5
 

Bad Habits, Goals, and Commitment

The past 10 days have been kinda rough for me. I stopped losing and had a bunch of water weight come on w/TOM. The truth is I wasn't sure if it was JUST water weight because I haven't been perfect. Still having issues of slacking off on exercise and letting empty calories creep back in. And, yes, I do not have great restriction right now. I already have my 3rd fill scheduled for Monday. But, if I want to keep losing (regardless of where I am w/fills), I need to dig deep and do what I can to facilitate the weightloss.   With the very limited experience I have w/the band so far, I would say that the band is giving me 1 pound of weightloss per week if I just minimally work it. But, if I want 2+ pounds per week, I need to minimize those pesky empty calories and maximize my exercise.   So, then comes the challenge of what goals to make for myself for changing my behavior. My favorite empty calories come in the form of wine and martinis! :smile: I've been good about cutting way back, but its so easy to let one night/week turn into two nights if a friend calls and invites me out. And, when I've made goals for exercise like three times per week, its easy to not exercise on Monday cause you have the rest of the week to get those three times in. And, then its Thursday and you haven't exercised yet, but you never really decided when the week STARTS so do you just start over or exercise three days straight?   Well, I finally had an epiphany of sorts. I really really want to lose 10 pounds per month. This is the pace that gets me excited because I can picture what weight I will be in March, April, etc... onto July for my birthday, and August when we go to Hawaii. I just think it would be a perfect amount to lose per month and a challenge, but not unattainable if I put the work in.   So, I've made a new goal for myself and that is that I simply do not drink any alcohol until I've lost my 10 pounds for the month and I exercise EVERY day so there is no debate over whether this is an exercise day or not. I need to stop the mind games! So total abstinence and total adherence until I meet my goal for the month is the best I think.   And, once I reach goal, I can use the same technique, but make it that I do not drink or skip a day of exercise unless I am at or below my goal weight on that day. Do you think this will finally keep me in line??? :smile:   Well, so far I haven't had any drinks since my friend's birthday party last Friday and I've exercised every day since Monday. And, yesterday I got so busy during the day that I realized at 9:30pm that I had not exercised yet. And, guess what I did??? Yes, I actually hopped on the treadmill and walked for 30 minutes while watching TV instead of just laying on the couch. Oh yeah, I am proud of myself! I am gonna stick to this!!! :thumbup:
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5
 

Too Thin for Surgery!

This is an exciting milestone for me. Yep, I now have a BMI of 34.8... too thin for surgery. Well, according to my insurance that is. Of course, I still have a lot to lose to get to a healthy weight. But, I am down 40 pounds now and boy can I feel a difference. I have a ton more energy and everything seems physically easier. :smile2:   Its the little things that really add up. Its easier to do the dishes, the laundry, pick stuff up off the floor, even just reaching across the big tub to turn the water on and off for the kids when they take a bath. I know that sounds crazy, but I used to feel like I was gonna fall over when I did that because I had 40 more pounds hanging off of me and mostly in the front of my belly.:smile:   I was trying to explain to my DH just what a difference it has made and the best example I had was for him to imagine that he had to carry our daughter, Jillian, around all day every day for everything he had to do. She weighs 37 pounds right now. Yeah, its amazing!!! :thumbup:   Well, I can now say w/confidence that this band is really working for me. I am one month out from my last fill and my restriction is holding strong. Occasionally I feel a little too tight and occasionally I feel a little too loose, but for the most part I feel just right. I am eating three meals a day (no snacks) and not feeling hungry in between. Went to Vegas this past weekend and still lost two more pounds this week! Woohoo!!! :w00t:
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5
 

Restriction Roller-Coaster

I have just been so hungry this past week and not losing any weight. :bored: I was so sure I needed to make an appointment for another fill ASAP. But, then this morning I just got the most stuck I have ever gotten. First of all, let me back up and tell you about the most horrible recipe for any lapbander...   I've been looking for new ways to cook chicken. I'm trying to 'lean in' to the whole organic/kind eating (a la recent Oprah show). So, when I was at Costco the last time, I bought two whole organic chickens instead of the conventional parts I normally buy. I figured if I learn some new recipes for cooking the chickens whole then I will save money (whole chickens cost less than parts) and everyone in my family can be happy (DH prefers light meat and the kids and I prefer dark). First recipe tried was roasted chicken from the Barefoot Contessa's cookbook. Delicious! And, no stuck episodes. :tt2:   Second recipe was from a low-carb crockpot recipe book I took out from the library. You cook the whole bird upside down in the crockpot. Tastes OK, but this method literally boils out all the fat and juices from the meat. Last night I got a little stuck w/it. But, this morning I got stuck the worst I have ever gotten. Still, I could not PB it even though I REALLY REALLY wanted to. I finally tried the Papaya Enzyme tablets I got for just such an 'emergency'. I don't know if they helped or not, but the evil crockpot chicken did eventually pass. Suffice to say, I warn you all, do NOT crockpot a whole chicken like this. It is not 'kind' to the band! :tt1:   Please don't let this scare you away from soupy/stew type crockpot recipes, though. I have a great chicken chili recipe (uses boneless thighs) which is wonderful for the band. But, if you want to do a whole chicken, roast it in the oven like the Barefoot Contessa.   OK, so back to my 'Restriction Roller-Coaster'. I just don't know where to go from here. I was so hungry this past week that I figure I MUST need a fill, but maybe I will put it off a week just to make sure I really understand what my current restriction is first. Its hard trying to figure out what is the right level of fill when you feel like your restriction is all over the place... totally unrestricted one day and getting mega stuck the next day. I realize some of this is just the learning curve of what foods work w/the band and which ones don't. And, its really a combination of the food AND your fill level (as well as other factors like water retention). :tt2:   This band is a complicated thing really. I can understand why a lot of people get freaked out that it won't work for them or give up on it. Not saying that I'm feeling that way. I understood it would be a process to get to the right level of restriction, but I guess you can't understand just how complex it is until you actually have the band and are working with it yourself.   Just want to make it clear that I am still really really happy w/my band. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm not. Even w/the ups and downs, its still a great ride and I'm very happy w/my weightloss. :glare:
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First Fill & 1 Month Dietician Visit

Yesterday, was the big day!!! I tried to update my blog last night, but hit the wrong key and deleted my update. But, I am happy to say everything went great yesterday. :cool:   I love my surgeon's assistant, Melissa, who did my fill. She took her time and explained the whole fill process and all the questions they will ask me each time to determine if I should get a fill. She said after this first appointment, I can decide when I want to come in again (anywhere from 2 weeks to 8 weeks). She also explained how important it is to focus on reducing percentage of body fat... that over the course of time it takes to get to goal, she wants me to go from 51% body fat to 30% body fat. I'm all for it! And, she cleared me to return to Jazzercise (which I have been dying to do - walking is so boring to me). I'm just not supposed to do the stomach crunches they do at the end of class until 8 weeks. That's OK, I am usually so worn out by the time we get to the floor work that I just lay there anyway when everyone else does the crunches.   OK, so on w/the fill. They have a big chair in every one of the exam rooms and I didn't know until this appointment that they electronically adjust all the way back so you are lying down when they put the needle in. So, I got to lying down, she cleaned the area, and told me to look away while she put the needle in. It was quick and no big deal. She gave me 2cc and then sat me back up to drink some water. The water went down fine, so she put in another cc (for a total of 3cc in a Lapband APS 10cc capacity). I drank some water again and it felt a little weird like it was not going through as fast and I felt some little bubbles, but it did not hurt. She stopped there. She told me after that she can give 2, 3, or 4 on the first visit, but most people get 3. So, I guess that makes me average.   Now, the hard part... I am supposed to be on clear liquids for 72 hours (but no juice or sugar). I am trying, but I'm not sure if I'm gonna make it that long. I already cheated a little and put a little soy milk and agave nectar in my decaf tea. I am drinking clear protein shots I got from Costco (25 grams of protein in a 3 oz tube - tastes like unset jello - 100 calories). I drink my broth or tea as my 'meal' and then the protein shot like a 'dessert'. Yeah, right, not sure how long I can last like this! :thumbup:   I'm also just curious to see if I can feel any difference when I eat from the 3cc. I might try a yogurt later today if I can't get my mind off of food after lunch. I did discover an AMAZING broth I just had for lunch. It is made by 'College Inn' and is called 'Culinary Broth' in 'Thai Coconut Curry' flavor... chicken broth infused w/a blend of coconut, curry, garlic, and coriander flavors. It has a lot of sodium, though, so I cut it half-and-half w/low sodium vegetable broth. It has great flavor, though... just the right amount of spice. OK, I am probably becomming delusional at this point from lack of calories if I am raving about a broth.
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5
 

4th Fill Today - Up to 6.5cc now

I'm really hoping this is the fill that will take me to my sweet spot (or close to it). Of course, I am on clear liquids now for at least the rest of the day so I won't know for awhile. But, for the first time, I can not guzzle a huge amount of water at once anymore. I can do about 4 oz at a time. I think that is a good sign. Woohoo!!! :thumbup:   And, I was able to confirm at my appointment that I have gained some lean body mass (muscle) and my body fat percentage is down to 48.6. The last time it was 49.6 so I lost a whole percentage point of body fat in four weeks which is awesome. I haven't been losing weight as quickly this month, but my clothes have been fitting better so I kinda figured I might be toning up. All that Jazzercise is paying off!   I brought my four year old daughter to this appointment because she's on spring break. I thought about having her go out of the room when I got my fill, but I just took her for her appointment at the pediatrition a couple weeks ago and she got four shots. So, I figured it shouldn't phase her too much to see me get one. She was a perfect little angel the whole time. I made sure to talk and smile through the whole thing so she would know I wasn't being hurt. She even brought her Barbie band-aids and put one on me when the fill was done. Such a cutie. :wub:
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So excited about my new found restriction!

I know I already posted about this yesterday, but it just keeps getting better and better. Last night, I had a small bowl of chili at around 6:30pm for dinner and was not hungry at all for the rest of the night. And, I am a big big late night eater, so this is big for me. I absolutely hate going to sleep on an empty stomach, but for once, my dinner actually kept me satisfied all the way until bedtime.   This morning I ran out of time to have b-fast so I grabbed a zone bar to have in the car on the way to church and I could barely finish it! Unbelievable!!! Usually I would just eat one of those to keep my stomach from growling. I don't actually get any 'filling' sensation from them even after my first fill. But, w/this second fill, oh yeah! Woohoo!!!   I also lost another pound this morning so a total of 21 pounds since surgery on 12/17. Its so so hard for me to believe this is even real that I could lose 20+ pounds in 2 months. And, not even being perfect about it. Usually, when I had done WW, I had to be absolutely perfect to lose anything and many times it would be a half pound or less.   Now I have been contemplating my behavior w/the band and how I really have not been working it as well as I could. Specifically, I had started slacking off on exercise and letting more liquid calories (as in cocktails and wine!) slip back into my life. And, I've asked myself is this what I really want... to do the band half-assed? And, the answer is NO! Clearly, its doing its job for me and its time for me to get more serious about doing my part.   So, now I think I am ready to make some goals. A friend of mine is getting married on April 2nd and I am making it a goal to lose 15 more pounds by her wedding so I can feel cute dressed up (instead of frumpy). I am 221 right now so that would put me at 206. To achieve this, I am going to:   1) Attend Jazzercise at least 2x per week   2) Walk for 30 minutes at least 4x per week (on the days I don't do Jazzercise)   3) Limit alcohol to only 1x per week   Wish me good luck and persistence! :confused:
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5
 

3 Days Post-Op - I can eat TOMORROW!!!

First off, I woke up this morning w/the worst shoulder/neck pain ever. I was never this sore in the hospital. The pain was so bad I was crying and shaking. I had to wake up my husband to help me get the heating pad on and pour my medicine out for me. Its weird that I feel like I'm at the most difficult point w/my recovery and I'm 3 days post-op. I thought it would just get better and better, but today was a big setback. I realize, though, that I had not been doing all the walking that my doctor had recommended. And, I feel like the pain med (Lortab) is slowing my bowels too much so that I am not passing the gas as fast as I should. So, I've stepped up my walking and am trying to just take tylenol sometimes instead of Lortab all the time. Its rough! And, I just hope it gets better by Tuesday when I am supposed to go for my post-op education (3 hours in the morning - I'm am gonna be miserable if this pain is not mostly gone by then.   I am also really really really sick of broth, tea, and jello now. And, my stomach is making the weirdest noises. I am so excited to be able to eat REAL food tomorrow. I am fantasizing about cottage cheese. Yes, I am desperate at this point!   I should add, though, that I am still so so very grateful to be able to have this surgery. I have no doubt that it will be soooooo worth it in the long-run. A small price to pay for the chance to get my health back. :tt1:
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5
 

Some things I may give up for good...

In the post-op class I took w/others that got banded by my surgeon the same week, the dietician recommended that we give up some things for just the first month after banding. And, after giving them up, I'm thinking I may just be better off without them at all:   1) Red Meat and Pork 2) Caffeine 3) Artificial Sweeteners   The funny thing is that I really missed the red meat and pork the first week because I am so used to having these options when I plan my cooking for the week. But, now, I've found all sorts of chicken and turkey products, fish, and soy products I love. And, with my high cholesterol and other health issues, am thinking maybe I am better off to just not even try to eat red meat or pork again. I think most bandsters have trouble getting them down once they have proper restriction anyway so what is the point of reintroducing these just to end up taking them away again later I figure.   Now, w/the caffeine, there have certainly been DAYS when I would have LOVED to have a cup of coffee to get me going in the morning. But, overall, it feels great to have broken this addiction. I actually crave a big glass of water in the morning now.   And, the removal of artificial sweeteners has had the most amazing effect for me. The dietician claimed that artificial sweeteners make you crave more sugar and I really didn't believe her when she said that. But, much to my amazement, she was right! I used to crave sweets all the time and now I can take 'em or leave 'em quite easily. I've been using agave nectar instead which is a natural sweetener (similar calories to sugar), but much lower on the glycemic index (so good for my prediabetes). It feels weird to add 'calories' when I know I could just throw in some splenda for 'free', but I can't argue w/the results I am enjoying. No more sugar monster!   Anyway, I'm just so surprised that I'm even considering embracing these changes long-term when I had grumbled about them in the first place.   And, I'm trying to figure out how I will handle the lamb chop dinner my mother-in-law is planning a week after my first fill. I have already told her not to worry about me when she plans meals because... (1) I really don't eat much now and (2) I can always find something that works for me out of everything she makes. It seems like everyone worries about whether their menu will agree w/me now that I have lapband and I'm the only one who is NOT worried because I know that even if there is hardly anything I can eat, I don't need much anyway.   Oh, by the way, I am down 2 more pounds as of a couple days ago. Yay!!! :thumbup:
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5
 

I've been instructed to eat a little dessert... huh???

This is kind of a long one so bear w/me...   I went to my surgeon's lapband support group last night. I've been doing great lately w/my band, but I still try to make it to as many support meetings as I can. I figure its free therapy (led by one of the psychologists from my surgeon's office) and I do learn something new at every meeting (either from the psych or from one of the more experienced bandsters). We have a lot that go to the meeting that are at goal.   OK, so earlier in the day I had an odd discussion w/my 4 yr old daughter. On the way to preschool, she told me in the car that she wished I never had surgery. Yes, I've told everyone about the surgery, even my 4 yr old daughter and 6 yr old son. They know it is to help mommy get healthy and they seemed happy w/that explanation before surgery. So, it totally throws me off that now my daughter is saying she wishes I didn't have surgery. :huh2:   I told her I'm all healed now, feeling great, and that its really working so I'm happy I had surgery... and ask her why she wishes I didn't. And, she said its because I can't eat dessert anymore and she wants me to eat dessert w/them. I explained to her that I CAN eat dessert, but I'm just choosing not to because it is healthier for me to not eat it. But, for a 4 yr old, the idea of delayed gratification or doing something for one's health is just not a concept that can be easily understood.   Long story short (woops, too late!), the advice I got from the psych is that he thinks I should eat a little dessert (not just for the kids, but for me too). He said that I'm slipping back into a 'diet mentality' of deprivation and extremes. Well, he didn't put it that bluntly, but I got the point. And, man, is he ever right on!!! :rolleyes2:   I knew going into this that my biggest challenge would be embracing moderation and no longer living in the extremes. I just didn't realize that I had slipped back into an extreme. And, he also doesn't approve of my rule of no alcohol and exercise every day until I've lost my 10 pounds for the month. He considers that diet mentality as well and too strict. But, I have a feeling that the dietician and exercise physiologist would feel different about that! LOL :thumbup:   Anyway, so I've decided I will eat a little bit of dessert when my family has dessert, but still not sure if I will give up my 10 pound per month goal. I figure I'll stick to it until this month's 10 pounds are gone and then see how I feel. I only have 6 pounds more to make my 10 pounds this month (my month goes 2/17-3/17) and I've been losing fast since I gave up the alcohol and started exercising every day. Ultimately, I have to do what works for me and even though he may be a great psych, it is still just advice and my choice what to do with it. But, definitely food for thought. :cool:
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5
 

Entering the Land of Real Restriction

Yep, I'm finally here. That fourth fill on Monday did the trick. By yesterday afternoon, I decided to try some real food. First, I had a yogurt which went down real slow. Then, I tested myself w/a solid dinner of chicken apple sausage, asparagus (slightly overcooked on purpose), and pasta. I took very small portions and cut everything super small. The skin on the sausage was a little irritating, but went down OK. But, having the leftovers today at lunch, I got stuck bad. Still no PB. I had to just tough it out until it passed through. Lesson learned... remove the skin on sausage!!! :eek:   Its kinda like now is when I really GOT my band. All of the stuff they taught me that I would need to do (small small bites and chew chew chew) was not necessary before and now, all of a sudden, it is. I'm gonna take it easy w/dinner tonight and maybe just have lentil stew or a black bean soup that has been waiting in my pantry for just such an occasion. The really good thing is that I'm still not hungry so I really don't care what I eat.   I am a little worried about tomorrow, though. I'm going to a friend's wedding tomorrow night and have no idea what is on the menu or if it will be buffet or served to us. I usually am not a fan of buffets, but I am really really hoping for a buffet this time so I can pick out just a little of the things that I think will work for me. I just really don't want to end up having a stuck episode in public and at a special event like that. My plan is to locate the nearest bathroom ahead of time and cut my food really really really small.   Working in my favor are two things. First, all of my friends know I am banded and I am sure she will have sat us all together. So, at least all of my tablemates will know why I am eating such miniscule portions and skipping on meat or dry chicken if that's what is served. They are all very supportive too and won't make me feel weird about it. The other thing is that the bride's own mother is actually banded. So, maybe, just maybe, the menu is actually band friendly. Could I actually be that lucky? :w00t:   And then as soon as I survive this wedding, what do I have next? Easter dinner! At least I am hosting so I get to choose the menu. I'm gonna make ham and really creamy delicious scalloped potatoes. Haven't figured out the rest of the meal, but my MIL is bringing baked apples (totally soft and band friendly) and coconut cream pie. Yum! Still gotta figure out some other sides. Really, I think the ham is the only thing that I'm not sure of. I have never baked a ham myself and just hope I can do a good job so it is not dry. And, the good thing is that the only outside guests are my inlaws and they also know I'm banded and are supportive.   You know, the thing is that even though everyone knows about my band and is totally supportive. They just haven't seen me ever get stuck before. :eek: And, I would hate to have that happen in front of them and then have them think badly about the band. All of us who are banded know its a learning curve. Every time we get a fill, we have to relearn what works for us and what doesn't. But, from an outsider's perspective, they see you get stuck or in pain once and they think... oh, the band is bad, makes you sick all the time. Oh well, I guess I can't start worrying now about what people think.
adagray

adagray

5
 

Don't want to jinx myself, but I think I might be...

either at my sweet spot or very close to it. And, I never expected it would happen this fast. I've had two fills and am at 4.5cc in a 10cc lapband APS. I just can't get over how great the band has been working for me since my second fill (last Wednesday). There isn't anything I CAN'T eat, but I'm getting full w/small meals and not hungry between meals (which is my doctor's definition of a proper fill level). So, if this restriction stays and I keep losing 1-2 pounds per week, then that may be it. Really, I have a goal to lose 2.5 per week, but I'm willing to exercise my booty off (literally :thumbup:) to get there.   Or, if I do need another fill, I think it will be small at this point (maybe .5). I really hope this level of restriction will work for me, though, because I don't really want to develop a long list of foods I can't eat (like some who have their band tighter). Right now, I have a healthy fear of bread (just doesn't go down great, but I CAN eat it if I eat it slow). I'm noticing some healthy proteins are getting harder to get down, though (like salmon, chicken breast, meat in chili). Really, I just have to remember to chew them thoroughly, though. And, I haven't PB'd anything at this point. I just have discomfort if I don't take my time and chew well.   I THINK this means I am at my sweet spot or very close to it. I am going to a support group meeting tomorrow night so I am curious to hear what others have to say about it there.   Once again, though, I was able to eat dinner last night and then NOT eat anything AFTERWARDS without being hungry when I went to bed. Woohoo!!!
adagray

adagray

5
 

T-7 Days to Banding

Its hard to believe my banding is only one week away now. I've been working on this ALL YEAR, literally. I decided in early December last year that I was going to pursue getting WLS and after 6 months nutrition visits, two denials, two appeals, and finally one APPROVAL, I am scheduled for Lapband surgery in exactly one week, 12/17!!!   Ever since my approval, I have been feeling more optimistic about my whole life and have been making healthy changes to my lifestyle. My surgeon does not require a pre-op diet, though, so I haven't really buckled down or made any real rules for myself. The only exception being that I cut out alcohol last week. I love my wine and gin and it just doesn't seem healthy to keep that up going straight into surgery. And, this week, I want to really buckle down and be as healthy as I can without actually restricting calories or being hungry. So, I've decided on a few rules for this week. Here goes...   Diet: drink at least 8 big glasses of water per day
cut out rice, pasta, bread, and potatoes (focus on protein and non-starchy vegies instead)
replace b-fast w/a protein shake
minimize sweets (eat yogurt or jello if I want a dessert)
continue w/no alcohol
Exercise: 45 minutes/day either walking outside or on the treadmill (normally I prefer to do Jazzercise, but I'm not supposed to for at least one month after surgery so I gotta get used to walking instead)
Other: use my CPAP machine every night (I haven't been and my surgeon wants me to)
practice using the spirometer gadget they gave us in pre-op class
I think if I do all this I will be in good shape for sugery in a week. Wish me luck! :tongue2:
adagray

adagray

4
 

Wine, Cake, and Moderation

I have to admit that one of my biggest hurdles w/the band is trying to figure out how/when/if I can still enjoy wine. I've been all over the place w/it from completely cutting it out to having a couple glasses a night like I used to. I am totally committed to create a lifestyle w/the band that is healthy, enjoyable, and sustainable. The problem is I truly love wine and the band just can't help me w/that... empty liquid calories sliding right through.   So, I've tried different ways of keeping it in my lifestyle, but putting some rules around it so that it is not a daily thing. I just haven't come up w/a rule that I could really embrace. If I set a number of drinks per week, then that feels like a diet. And, its really more about putting it in its proper place in my new lifestyle rather than limiting to a certain number.   This all got me thinking... what is something else in my life that I love, but have learned to moderate well? And, the answer is... Cake! I LOVE Cake!!! If I could eat cake every day, I would. And, there was a point in my life when I actually did. I would buy those single serving slices at the grocery store and have a little bit after lunch and a little bit after dinner. Yeah, I really knew how to live it up when I was 'off' a diet. :mad:   But, I learned long ago (way before the band) that this just wasn't gonna work (diet or no diet). So, I managed to tame my cake habit. Now, I never buy cake just to eat for no reason. But, I thoroughly enjoy eating a piece of cake at EVERY birthday party I go to, every wedding, every baby shower, and I may even order a slice to share after a nice dinner out. Its just not a daily thing or even a weekly thing anymore. Somehow I have learned to put it back in its proper place as a special occasion treat. And, this is exactly what I need to do w/wine. Epiphany! :w00t:   My new mantra, repeat after me... wine is cake wine is cake wine is cake   Would I eat cake right now? No? Then, no wine. Wine is for special occasions! :frown:
adagray

adagray

4
 

And, the scale stands still!

:eek:Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... I'm on a plateau!!!! :biggrin:   Just kidding!!! I think this is just a sign that its time to stop weighing so often. I lost 10 pounds real quick after my surgery 2 weeks ago, but I knew it was not gonna continue like that through the whole month until my first fill. My swelling is gone and I don't have much restriction. I guess this what they call 'Bandster Hell', but I refuse to see it that way. My surgeon told me my only job this month is to heal... and to NOT worry about the weightloss. Smart woman! :biggrin:   I have started my walking program as of two days ago. The first day, I walked one time for half an hour, but was too tired to walk a second time in the evening. Yesterday, I walked for a half hour two times (once the the AM and once in the evening). I know if I keep this up and use a little willpower about the food, I can still lose maybe a pound a week (hopefully - like a normal diet) until my first fill on 1/22.   But, I guess its time to stop weighing every other day. Maybe I should make Thursday my weigh-in day. Only three more Thursdays before my first fill!!! :biggrin:
adagray

adagray

4
 

2nd Fill Done!

My 2nd fill appointment went quick and easy today. I was so glad to see the waiting room empty when I got there. Usually there is ALWAYS a wait. But, this time they took me back right away. I was a little surprised that they switched my appointment to someone else to do the fill, but I was gonna see someone who I hadn't seen before anyway so it really didn't make any difference to me.   You could tell she was newer at it, though, and had to poke around a little bit. Lucky for me, needles don't bother me at all and my port is really pretty easy to access even for a newbie. In fact, a part of me thinks they may have had her do me since they know my port is easy to get at it. I remember Melissa saying I would be a good person to teach others on. LOL   Anyway, she added one more cc first, sat me back up, drank some water, went down fine. Then, she added a second cc, sat me back up, drank some water, and some burpy bubbles came up. So, she took back out 0.5 cc, drank again, water went down fine. So, now my total comes to 4.5cc (in a 10cc lapband aps).   I'm on liquids now so I don't know for sure if this gave me much restriction, but I am noticing that I can't guzzle water as fast as I could before. So, I'm hoping that is a good sign that I'll have better portion control after this fill.   Oh, and I still lost 2 pounds even w/the bad Big Mac attack. And, she said it was all fat so my fat percentage went down too. Woohoo!!! :w00t:   I drank a ton of water this morning to make sure I was well hydrated so I'm sure the weight would've been even lower if I went in empty. I'm trying not to play those games w/the scale, though, like I used to when I'd weigh in for Weight Watchers. I would go in starving and totally dehydrated just to see a loss. :tongue_smilie:
adagray

adagray

4
 

3rd Fill Today and Another Pound Down

First of all, I got on the scale this morning and am down another pound. I am now consistently losing one pound every two days ever since I stepped up my exercise and cut out the empty calories. This is awesome for me! Woohoo!!! :rolleyes2:   Then, it was off to my surgeon's office for my 3rd fill this morning. The nurse was very impressed w/my results since my second fill. Their scale showed a 7 pound loss since my last fill which was less than 3 weeks ago. I almost thought for a few minutes that I wasn't gonna get a fill. She had to go outside and check w/someone else to see if it was OK. She told me she is used to filling Realize bands more often and the criteria for getting a fill is different between Realize and Lapband (which is what I have).   I was glad to find out that I could get a fill today... no wasted trip. She put in .5 at first, I sat up and took a sip of water, then she put in .5 more and I took another sip of water, I could feel it a little in my chest so she then took out .25. So, my fill today ended up being .75 which gives me a total of 5.25cc in a 10cc lapband.   I am supposed to be on clear liquid only for 72 hours (that is the drill w/my doctor) so I have no idea at this point if this fill has really created any more restriction for me. It feels like the water is going down a little bit slower, but not sure if that is just my imagination.   I will for sure stay on clear liquids for the rest of the day, but if I get really hungry tomorrow, I will try yogurt. That is what I did last time and it worked fine for me. Generally, I don't think I have a large inflamatory response to these fills. I have not gotten sick or PB'd at all yet through this whole process (knock on wood) even though I have consistently gotten more and more good restriction after each fill.   All that said, I am very very happy w/how my fill went today. Before this fill, I felt like I was close to my sweet spot. I would be scared if I had gotten more than 1cc today... .75 seems like it might just be perfect. Of course, this is all in theory until I eat again, but so far so good. :thumbup:
adagray

adagray

4
 

NOT HUNGRY! Woohoo!!!

Just got my 4th fill yesterday which took me to 6.5cc in a 10cc LAP-BAND. And, it was about three hours after 'lunch' (broth and a protein shot), that I realized something had definitely changed w/this fill... I was NOT HUNGRY! And, I have remained NOT HUNGRY ever since. Even though I'm only allowed liquids for 72 hours after a fill, I was NOT HUNGRY when I went to bed and NOT HUNGRY when I woke up. This is frickin amazing!!! :w00t:   Yeah, yeah, I know this is one of the main reasons I got the band. My mom has the band and said that she is just not thinking of food or looking for food much anymore. And, the people who are at goal in my support group say the same thing. One lady has to set an alarm to remember to eat. And, I've been longing for this NOT HUNGRY feeling ever since I got the band on 12/17/09. Until now, I had not felt this yet... not even right after surgery or after any of my other fills so I was worried it would never happen for me.   But, now that I've experienced it, I'm happy to say it has exceeded my expectations because its not just that I'm not hungry, but I don't even feel empty (even though I haven't eaten). I feel like you feel an hour after you ate a good meal, but all the time. Well, at least for the last day. I'm hoping this restriction sticks w/me. I'm the type who actually gets tighter a couple weeks AFTER a fill so I'm also hoping I don't end up too tight. And, I haven't eaten yet, so I have absolutely no idea how this level of restriction is gonna work w/food. I can drink about 4 oz of water at once, though, and it does go down fairly quickly, so I'm really really hoping, this is it! (or close to it)   Anyway, no matter how it works out, I now know that this NOT HUNGRY thing is possible w/me. And, I am thrilled!!!
adagray

adagray

4
 

Lesson Learned... Skipping Lunch = Late Night Eating

One habit I've been so proud to break is the awful late night eating I used to do. I would affectionately call it my 'Fourth Meal' (like those taco bell commercials). Usually my 'Fourth Meal' was the biggest meal of my day. Actually, not really a meal at all, but endless grazing that would go on from the time my kids went to bed to when I went to bed... usually based on a little bit of hunger mixed with a whole lot of 'I deserve it'.   Well, since the band and all the pre and post-op education I received on 'head hunger', I've pretty much eliminated that 'Fourth Meal'. I think the band has genuinely made me feel satiated for longer, but also I am being a lot more mindful of trying to break this habit.   What I learned today, though, is that a skipped meal will always catch up w/me. I remember Dr. Oz talking about how eating breakfast is so important otherwise you are trying to catch up to your hunger all day. And, I'm good about eating breakfast. I can't remember the last time I missed breakfast. But, today I slept in and had a late breakfast and by the time I was thinking about lunch, it was only two more hours until dinner. So, I forced myself to make do w/just a yogurt until dinner (figuring I might save some calories today).   Boy was I wrong about that! After my dinner of grilled salmon and asparagus, I just could not shut off my hunger. A couple hours later, I grabbed a few rice chex figuring maybe my body was craving carbs. I try to keep the carbs low, but sometimes its the only way to quiet my hunger. The rice chex did NOTHING for me. So, I had a big bowl of strawberries... still hungry. OK, so I had a big bowl of more grilled asparagus leftover from dinner (figuring that would make me feel 'full')... no way! Time to bring out the big guns... Protein. So, I reheated a piece of leftover salmon. But, even the salmon does not satiate me. At this point I am feeling like the Very Hungry Caterpillar... STILL HUNGRY!!! One half bag* of Peanut M&Ms later... SO SATISFIED!!!   The moral of this story... don't skip meals! They catch up with you!!!   AND, I can't wait for my first fill on Friday. I can eat A LOT of food right now! :confused:   * Just want to clarify that was 1/2 of a normal size bag of M&Ms (like the kind you get in the checkout line at the grocery store)... not the jumbo fill your candy dish type bag. Don't want to make myself sound worse than I am. :wink2:
adagray

adagray

4
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