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About this blog

THE SWEET SPOT My journal on my expedition to Bandlandia and my adventures there. I plan to stay forever (been to Onederland many times, but I never stayed long). Join me!:see

Entries in this blog

 

3/25/09 Get Your Head In The Game

You can play this music video as you're reading (not exactly soothing background music, but that's kinda the point)... (Oops, sorry it's just a link. It won't let me embed music anymore...I'm-tech challenged.)   Well I WAS a mere 3 pounds from being able to cut off another one of my Ten Pound Heads (on my WL ticker). I ate stuff I shouldn’t have on my long-weekend…I guess I was going through that ‘Last Supper Syndrome’. I know (at least this one was a conscious thought) I was saying goodbye to beer and all it’s foamy carbonated goodness (I appreciate a good hoppy ale). Thank goodness I don’t drink pop (soda for you non-Midwest natives) so there was nothing there to give up forever…coffee has been hard enough. I gained back 2 pounds. You’re thinking now that I’m going to get out my cat o’ nine tales (with my name engraved in the leather) and whip myself here in my usual self deprecating way? NOPE!   Here’s the interesting part to me. Yesterday I was thinking through what I’d eaten, and I was shocked that I didn’t have any sweets, not even chocolate (in the past any binge would have included heaps of sweets and definitely chocolate). Most of the stuff I ate was generally pretty healthy, just too much of it (OK, there was one bowl of pasta in there). Monday night it was that old feeling of I can’t get enough food…at one point I even stopped and thought I’m full, why they heck am I standing in front of the fridge again looking for something else…it was like I couldn’t get satisfied. But guess what, on my ‘big binge’ I was pulling vegetables, peel cheese, and meat from the fridge…but then DH came home with half a sub and after all that, yep, I ate it too. I remember getting scared at one moment in front of the fridge…I was thinking what the heck am I going to do with the band?? I can’t do this! I’d stretch my pouch or OMG slippage! How am I going to handle this head hunger monster? Why can’t I stop this! It truly scared me.   So here’s the good part and why I’m not going to beat myself up about it. Let me stop and remind anyone here who doesn’t know me that I’m a professional dieter so I’m not nearly as worried about losing (at least the initial 50 pounds I know I can do). I’m way more worried about keeping it off and dealing with my un-banded head hunger (this really needs to become a double surgery). I found that even on my Last Supper Binge the choices I made were mainly so different than what I’ve done the rest of my fat life so something is starting to change in my head. Even better, during the binge I was questioning my fullness, my actions, and how scared I was. Do you think I would have ever done that before…nope! I’d feel super bad about breaking my diet, absolutely, but then I’d feel like a failure and give up and go grab more chocolate and chips and…and…and... This ‘incident’ was a good thing for me. I’m seeing that my head is changing…yep, I’ve got LOTS more work to do with the head hunger beastie, but in the thousands of diets I’ve been on I’ve never even had the courage or insight to face that beast. I’ve only actually been dieting this month, so I know this is going to take some time. That’s the good thing with the LB...it’s for life…little bumps along the way are just short-term glitches because this lifestyle change goes on forever…and I can do this…with the help of my soon-to-be-band. I’ve just got to…Get My Head In The Game!
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9/15/09 Over 18

*Post Deleted for Lap Band Book                                            
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12/28/09 Seventy-five

*Portion of Post Deleted for Lap Band Book     The golden retriever weighs 75#   This baby panda weighs 75#   This leather chair weighs 75#   This sea kayak weighs 75#   This portable table saw weighs 75#   Here's 75# of pumpkins       ...and here's a 75# tuna    
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1/22/10 Everything Must Go!!

I'm having a 'Moving Sale'...and everything must go! No reasonable offer will be refused (you even look at it...it's yours for free!). I've got artwork and pics, a partially made head-band craft project, poems, songs, and lots of ramblings, among other things.   NO, I'm not leaving (sorry to disappoint)...I'm just moving the blog location and taking you all with me! I'll still be reading your adventures and commenting on all your shenanigans!   I've been working on this for awhile and I'm so proud of my pretty little page. OK, you could have put this together in minutes...it took me forever...so be gentle. I have no clue what I'm doing yet, so let me know if something doesn't work.   Please, please, please, come and follow me there...I need and want your support and friendship to continue. OK, if the begging didn't work...how about bribery (I know you SO well, don't I?). Here's the deal...and I can't believe it's come to this...I promise to share the horrid *knees buckling* 'Before' (your eyes will burn out of your head) and 'During' photos as soon as I get 100 Followers there. I'm (hoping) sure this will take quite awhile (maybe never) and by then I'll be so skinny that I won't care what those 'Before's' look like (yeah, like that's true).   Trust me it's worth the wait...I showed my DD my 'Before's' yesterday and she was screaming and laughing! OK, that sounds meaner than it was...she was as flabbergasted as I was by how huge I was...like I said, I was a great camouflager! She threw me a bone with 'I don't even remember you being that big!' Hmmm...on second thought maybe that wasn't a compliment LOL.   I've got several new posts for you waiting! See you at THE GRAND RE-OPENING! http://bandgroupiethesweetspot.blogspot.com/   Now, on to the great rummage sale...line up...on your mark, get set, GO!
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6/27/09 Orientation

We had a great couple of days at DS1's college orientation at Penn State Univ. main campus. I had a captive audience in the car for 3.5 hours, so I took the laptop and we worked on the packing list and the 'buy' list for his room this fall (Oh, and we did talk a little more at the beginning about the car accident- final figure about 7K, but they didn't total it…the car guy says he couldn't have lined up for the trailer hitch any 'better' if he tried…damaged everything possible…it figures right? LOL).   Thursday we drove and then walked around campus…took some photos at the Joe Paterno statue at the stadium (ours attached) and at the Nittany Lion statue (DS1), near the Nittany Lion Inn where we stayed (old large inn run by the Hospitality Svcs. Dept.). It was so hot, so we stopped at the campus run famous Creamery (DS1 and DH pic…Food Sciences building…ice cream is mainly from the PSU cows- AG Dept.). Yes, I did have one scoop of the 'Death by Chocolate'. Then we walked it off…PSU is a beautiful campus; we guessed about ½ the physical size of OSU where DH and I attended, but still a lot of walking (I have 2 blisters now to prove it). We had dinner at The Tavern on Main St. (for all you PSU fans-a salad and fillet strips and mushrooms over pasta with a red wine sauce, I didn't eat the pasta or even all the fillet...chewed everything I ate to a pulp). More walking and we went back to the room to get online…freshman football tickets started availability that night and they sell out in less than an hour…GOT THEM! Yes, we're already working on finding OSU/PSU tickets for DH and I...game is there this year.   Orientation started at 7:15am Friday (Yikes, and DS1 had a friend who's family got up at 2:30am to make it in on time…too early of a start IMO). We got checked in, got his photo and student ID done and put some money on it (key and money source on campus), and we set him up with his bank that was there for an ATM/Debit card. Then we split up and spent the morning with the parents and the usual speakers getting us ready. Had lunch with DS1's friend and his parents (we know them from the soccer team) and then we went to the Engineering building for their orientation and then fall scheduling. Thursday DH and I were talking up how great college life would be for DS1 and how we wished we were starting college again…well Friday when all the talk was about how hard the classes were that he'd have to pass and how everyone accepted in ENGR were in the top 10% of their graduating class we remembered the tough parts about college life LOL. He got scheduled and we were done before 6pm…3.25 hr. drive home…a long day. We came home exhausted, but excited for him and he's thrilled with his selection to go there.   We're spending this weekend rounding up the things we have at home on his packing list and starting our shopping lists of things to buy. I'm 'nesting' as usual…my boy will have the bin of every kind of medicine and first-aid equipment available…he'll have way more then he needs of everything, but that's what us Mom's do when our kids fly the nest.
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4/15/09 Off with her head!

I’ve been working on getting down another 10 lbs. before banding. I actually went down 1 ½ lbs. below the 10 lbs. last Thursday, but I knew I’d have to face a weekend of big meals and Easter candy with my family back home so I didn’t want to celebrate my goal too early. As I told you yesterday, I ate pretty healthy and had NO candy (very hard for a chocoholic), but I still gained a pound with all those family (high calorie) meals. There were many temptations ‘Drink Me!’ ‘Eat Me!’ and I only faltered once. I ate a sliver of the ‘Tart’ and I paid for it with a one pound gain. I’ve been back on my pre-op plan and after three mornings back home I feel confident that I can report I’ve officially lost my second ten pounds. So, I’m screaming ‘Off with her head!’ and knocking another Ten Pound Head off my Ticker.     Go to the Head of the Class-Trivia Question: What movie is coming out March 2010 that relates to my post?   Tim Burton is making Alice in Wonderland with live action and animation mixed. Stars: Johnny Depp plays the Mad Hatter, Anne Hathaway plays the White Queen, Helena Bonham Carter plays the Red Queen, Alan Rickman plays the Caterpillar, Crispin Glover plays the The Knave of Hearts, Stephen Fry plays the Cheshire Cat, and even Christopher Lee is in it, too. Let’s hope it’s better than Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (not my favorite version).    
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10/24/09 My Family Rocks

Just a brief update. As you know, the ancient laptop I've been using (used one we got for DD to use while she was in France since she has a desktop-now in her room) has been giving us fits all along. It has been in and out of 'computer rehab' for a year now and the latest intervention sent it to rehab for more psychotherapy about a month ago...there's a desktop in the basement, but I've been missing the convenience of the laptop.   My family just called me downstairs (so I drug my bum out of bed). They'd gone out, bought me my very own new laptop, and set it all up for me (they wanted me to 'Give it a try!' so here I am)! DH said he'd found out Friday that the hard drive on the old one wasn't worth fixing this time (I hope the rehab facility gives it a nice memorial service). My first computer that's just mine (and they didn't even know it was my 6-mo. Bandiversary this week LOL)!!!   My Family Rocks!:wink:
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5/3/09 Pomp and Circumstance

Well, it was a looooooong weekend, but I’ve finally collapsed into a chair. Everything went really well…couldn’t have been better and my chest pain is much better, only a deep breath hurts now. The dinner party for DD’s college graduation was a hit (I can’t believe I don’t have any juicy stories to tell).   My side of the family arrived right after lunchtime (DH’s side was already here), and so we had all the appetizers (I made) and drinks then moved everything outside. The weather couldn’t have been better…it was supposed to be off/on rain and 50’s, but it was sunny and in the high 60’s, so we were able to enjoy the outdoors and some activities (Frisbee, bocce, badmitton, baggo, etc.; and I was able to sneak in and clean up the mess before round II). I was chugging down the Special K20 protein water to help me get through all the food porn. One of my sister’s thought I was drinking red wine out of a, as she laughingly called it ‘sippy cup’ (plastic mug with a lid). Twice when I’ve been at fancy family events (while dressed in white) I’ve dribbled red wine down the front of me, and no, I'm not a lush...just a clutz (I didn’t correct her…let her think it was wine). The caterer arrived on time with huge amounts of yummy (I’m told) foods…I could SO get used to someone cooking for me. The head hunger was hard and with that amount available, I didn’t just want ‘a bite’ a wanted ‘a big honking plate full’. At one point I was standing in front of that enormous amount of goodies thinking ‘What the heck did I do?’, but my next thought was ‘I’ve finally done something that will help me and I just need to provide a smidgen of willpower, especially until the Sweet Spot.’ It worked out really well that it was a buffet and there were so many people that they were eating in several rooms. I ran around making sure everyone was taken care of, refilling drinks, etc. Another sis was helping me out and kept commenting that she wasn’t going to eat until I sat down to eat and took a break (uh, oh…I’m on liquids and no one knows about the LB). Luckily I got called away so I told her to go ahead and I’d join her in a minute. I was holding my breath that I’d get through this party unnoticed. In all the commotion no one noticed that I didn’t eat… …WHEW! My family saw me at Easter so they knew I’d been trying to lose weight so I had some questions/comments about how I was doing. I gave my pat “eating half as much to be half as big” and “lifestyle change, slow loss” answers. So now everyone knows I’m on my way down (yet again) and they won’t be shocked to see more weight loss the next time we see them. I’m so glad it all went smoothly! At one point I remember we were watching the DVD I had made for DD’s HS graduation with pics of her growing up set to music (some there hadn’t seen it). I looked over at DD and she was smiling from ear to ear, laughing and chatting up all the memories with both sides of our family…it was all worth it.   The actual graduation was today and most of the company had long drives home, so they couldn’t attend (it’s 3 hours round trip drive to the college). The group that went set out in cold, cloudy weather (I’m not complaining after yesterday’s wonderful weather). We were wondering if the outdoor ceremony would be cancelled (we only had 2 parent tickets if we had to move indoors). It did start drizzling as we drew near, but they held it anyway. We did OK with our umbrellas and rain ponchos wrapped over our legs. DD was all smiles as she received her diploma then walked right in front of us back to her seat (click, click, click…cameras whirling). We went to lunch and I’d forgotten to bring some liquids that I can have (I’m going to have to be better about planning things). I winged it and made due with an iced tea and a large bowl of chicken noodle soup (well, just the broth). In the afternoon we attended the Business college (International Studies was at the same time so she had to choose one to go to) special ceremony which was indoors (of course by now it was beautiful outside). We made the drive home and now I’ve about passed out (so sorry for the boring stilting writing…I’m only half here). I probably over-did it this weekend (I kept finding myself bending over…not a good thing, and not taking anything stronger than Tylenol made for a somewhat painful weekend), but tomorrow I’ll try to rest up. Thank you all for your support, I truly was thinking of you as I was trying to overcome the head hunger and sneaking in my protein shakes…if you can do this, so can I!   zzzzzz.....
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6/4/09 Fffffffffffffart! Beeeeeeelch!

I've officially joined the 'Boys Club' at my house (well, that's what I called it before DD moved back home recently). There's no required secret handshake, just gas explosions needed from either end to enter. Yes, you heard right. I'm not one of those gals who has a sense of humor about farts or belches (or the Three Stooges), so I'm going to have a hard time discussing this, but here goes ('goes'…hee-hee-hee).   I've never been a loud farter…even post-op with all that gas coming out, but ('butt' hee-hee-hee) I think I had 'lift-off' at one point. I'm more the 'silent but deadly' type. I can make it through days, weeks even, never noticing whether I ever farted. I know I do, everyone does. Now, onto everything you always wanted to know about farts, but were afraid to ask. Did you know:   - The average person farts (depending on who's statistics you believe) 7-25 times per day (WebMD says at least 14), producing about 45 ml of CO2 (Carbon Dioxide) and 45 ml of CH4 (Methane).   - Methane has 21 times the Global Warming Potential as Carbon Dioxide and the average person produces 12.7 Liters of it a year. A tree would only have to spend only 17 days per year 'sniffing' the greenhouse gases in your farts to carbon neutralize it.   - Farting gas is created by bacteria in the large intestines.   - Farting volume and composition is directly linked to your diet and changes day by day. If you consume a high-fiber diet, which is healthier, you produce more gases that actually do damage the environment. Methane production in a fart is often hereditary so not all people create methane, but the average figures above compensates for this. The only way to eliminate your own greenhouse gas emissions is to eat almost no fiber, but then you probably die much younger than you should so forget about it.   - Steer clear of artificial sweeteners. Sorbitol and xylitol, found in many sugar-free gums and candies, have a reputation for causing flatulence. Avoid gas-producing foods and beverages. Foods that are high in complex carbohydrates (some vegetable and legumes as well as high-fiber foods like prunes) are the most likely to cause flatulence.   I'm thinking I'm doing my part for the environment, because I'm not getting enough fiber…and, of course, I just know I'm not one of those 'Methane producers' (you know who you are!). Now, onto belches. I could hardly conjure up a burp before even when guzzling a pop (soda for you non-Midwesterners). Post-band I can't stop burping…every single time I eat or drink!   - Less than 10% of the total greenhouse gas emissions from livestock are produced by animal flatulence; most emissions are produced by animal burping. Belches and, to a far lesser degree, farts from sheep, cows and other farm animals account for around 20% of all global methane emissions.   - Livestock in New Zealand account for 60% of the country's greenhouse gas emissions. There is a global scientific effort to keep lifestock from belching (Silence of the Lambs). Some think there will new legislation to control or tax lifestock emissions (belches and farts) in the future. Cow farts/burps are a source of greenhouse gases, while kangaroo farts are methane free thanks to a particular bacteria in their stomachs. An average cow is thought to emit between 542 litres (if located in a barn) and 600 litres (if in a field) of methane per day through burping and exhalation, making commercially farmed cattle a major contributor to the greenhouse effect. 95% of this gas is emitted through belching.   - In some animals, a failure to burp successfully can be fatal (I hope that's not true of humans! What's going to happen when they tighten my band?!!!). This is particularly common among domesticated ruminants that are allowed to gorge themselves on very rich spring clover or alfalfa. The condition, known as bloat is basically a high pressure build up of gastric gasses and requires immediate veterinary treatment, usually the insertion of a flexible rubber hose down the esophagus or in extreme cases the lancing of the animal's side with a scalpel to expel the build up of gas. So if you're feeling bloated, be careful!   -The average person belches about 15 times per day, slightly more than they fart. Belching from people is mainly swallowed air from the stomach and esophagus so it's mainly Nitrogen and Oxygen, or CO2 from the carbonated beverages themselves. We don't have the same kind of digestive track and double stomachs like cattle, so the Methane doesn't come up, just down. The sound of burping is caused by the vibration of the upper esophageal sphincter as the gas passes through it. The current Guinness world record for the loudest burp is 107.1 dB, set by Paul Hunn in 2008. (This would be noticeably louder than a chainsaw at a distance of 1 metre.).   So, no greenhouse gases from my belches! Better 'up and out'! Good to know! Now, stand back…BEEEEEEELCH! Burp trapping backpack- The methane collecting tanks were utilized by Argentina's National Institute for Agricultural Technology as part of a a study to determine the atmospheric impact of methane released by cows. The findings were startling, as researcher Guillermo Berro estimated that "30% of Argentina's total greenhouse gases could be generated by cattle."
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9/22/09 Autumn Begins

Today marks the first day of Autumn here. We put up the Fall decorations this weekend. I usually wait until the end of Sept., but the next two weekends are booked for DH/and or I so we're early this year (I need his help with the outside stuff). Plus I never got the Easter or Memorial/4th of July stuff up this year because of the LB, so I'm ready to dive into another holiday (I'm a holiday freak).   I thought I'd take a few pics of my fall decorations to share for those crafters out there. I love to craft so I try to add one new thing each year (and usually get rid of old tired things). Dag, I forgot the outside...I'll take one this week to share.   - Pic 1: My stairs with basket pumpkins (store bought). DS2 stepped on the big pumpkin coming down the stairs in the dark last night; crushed it in, but DH popped it back out...creases in the back LOL.   - Pic 2: The lighted garland/bows (my neighbors tell me it looks nice at night through the glass front door). Closer to Halloween we add a giant spider web that goes across the whole 2 story foyer and up to the 2nd floor...the kids love throwing hundreds of plastic spiders up into the web (they catch and dangle down) and we have some flys and rats we wrap like a cacoon.   - Pic 3: My foyer table. DS2 and I made the pumpkin flower arrangement a few years back when he was sick at home for a week. I'm not a silk flower lover, but it works for me with fall's bright colors. He grew all the gourds in his veggie garden and we dried them. Oh, and you can see my glass front door I've mentioned before in the mirror reflection.   - Pic 4: My fireplace. I've been a Homeroom Mom for all three of our kids and as an ex-art teacher I always organize the craft. I've done the pumpkins on the right with each of their classrooms over the years. For other HR moms or those with kids (I made these up, but they're easy I swear): just a block of wood with a dowel hot glued on the top pre spray painted orange/green stem and ready for the kids to "pick a pumpkin from the pumpkin patch" (set them out on the floor) to decorate....raffia bows (we premade with green pipe cleaners -Kids twist around the stem with some silk green leves and older kids can make tendrils with the ends of the pipe cleaners by wrapping over a pencil, some glue-ons (spiders, etc.- they would bring to us to hot glue where they wanted) and for the face either sharpie or black sticker paper they cut depending on the grade of the class (did the black stickers with the kindergarteners- just give them large/small squares and they can cut shapes). We made DH make the big one on the right a few years back (under many protests...he hates to do art), but it didn't look right with one from each of us in the family and not him (the kids love his- candy corn wooden glue-on eyes).   - Pic 5: Acorn trees in the Dining Room. I would suggest doing these to no one! When we moved here about 10 years ago DH collected a bucket of acorns from the backyard (our backyard is up against a large wooded hillside going down with huge oak trees). He brings them in and proudly proclaims...Here, we got these for you to do a craft with! .....Ummm thanks? No clue what to do...I got some styrofoam cone shapes, covered them with fabric and hot glued the acorns on and then sprayed them with a sealant. Well, I kept finding what looked like tiny wood shavings around them...finally figured out there were tiny acorn worms burrowing holes out of them DISGUSTING...bagged them for a year and re-sealed them really well...and every year when I get these out I still have to re-glue acorns on that fall off (have a few missing in the photo- need to get out the glue gun today)....but thanks Honey for the acorns!
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1/13/10 The Economy Crashed My Party

Yesterday as I was enjoying my first day of everyone out of the house and was in the midst of my 80 lbs. party *bubble popping*   DD called me sobbing...she had just been laid-off (And might I just add...DON'T call your Mother during rush hour when you're normally supposed to be driving home sobbing so hard you can hardly talk...It gives us heart palpitations...I thought she'd been in a wreck). Poor kid…she was crushed. Unfortunately it’s a hard ‘life experience’ many of us have to learn sometime in our lives…cut-backs suck. Some days it's hard being the Mom...you just want to go through it for them and take away the pain.   I’ll be busy helping edit resumes and cover letters…and I’m back wearing that sandwich board sign on the corner for her; ‘Smart, Outgoing, Marketing and International Business Double-Major, Needs Work, Willing to Relocate (Mom and Dad will miss her at home…no, really)'.   It’s a gloomy day here…
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4/20/09 Countdown... 5! 4! 3! 2!...

*Portion of Post Deleted for Lap Band Book   I called my bariatric coordinator this morning because I noticed the post-op diet I received in class didn't jive with what the NUT gave me. Apparently they just revised it and took off fruit and vegetable juice. So, for the first 2-3 weeks post-op the only calories I'm allowed are broth (almost no cal...but the homemade stuff I made is probably got more nutrients than the canned, thank goodness...thank you Voiceomt2002 for the recipes!), and 3 8oz. glasses of skim milk (how many calories could possibly be in 3C of skim milk...I'll have to look that up). I was about to complain that I'll be fainting on only a few calories a day when she said I can add some very low cal SF powdered drink mix to the milk, like SF Carnation (we still can't find that one, so DH just found me another one). I know I won't be hungry the first week, but I'm going to be starving after that...I know...it's all pay-back for the no pre-op diet. Ahh well, I'm not complaining…yet (LOL).   DH and I are going out tonight for our 27th anniversary, since I certainly won't be up to anything but broth on our actual anniversary this Friday.   I've been wildly getting things ready today; called my insurance to make sure the home prescriptions are covered (apparently Nexium sometimes isn't covered, but it is on ours), I started packing for the hospital, made a list of info. for DH, scrubbed my body with anti-bacterial soap as instructed, shaved my stomach and I can't tell the difference...my tiny blonde hairs were almost invisible, but now I can say it's already done when they come at me with the dull dry razor (thanks xavier for cluing me in that it's better to do this at home…and I'm coming after you if I sprout dark stomach hairs this summer), and I drew up my porthole picture on paper…those in-the-know will remember I have a choice on my port site, if not read (Spew Alert!!) HERE. I still haven't come up with whether I need words or not, but I'm a little afraid he won't get it or think it's a badly done tattoo and avoid that area completely. I'll have to do this upside down on myself as DH can't trace a straight line to save his life. If it turns out badly I'll scrap the idea, but if I go for it I'll take a pic for you. Off to finish packing...   Countdown...5! 4! 3! 2!...Countdown to BG's Banding!!!
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2/28/09 60 Days Until 50

*NOTE: Well, now it’s 58 days actually. I've tried posting this the last two nights and gave up trying to get access to this site after hours of trying (apparently the site capacity is maxed out), but that’s another post entirely.   If you don’t know yet, I’m turning 49 7/8 this year. I’ve promised to work my way up to calling it, what it is, by my birthday. See? There in the title? That’s a huge step in the right direction, right? Well, if I say it’s a huge step, it is!   I’m not sure why 40 didn’t bother me, I thought it would, but it didn’t. I’m not one to hide my age either (I’m stating the obvious here again, aren’t I?). But this one is FREAKING ME OUT!!! What’s so scary about 5-0?…it’s a milestone, a landmark, the BIG 5-0, half a CENTURY for crying out loud, you’re definitely on the downward spiral of life even if you do make it to that Willard Scott Smuckers birthday, it’s midlife (you hope), and don’t you remember when your parents turned 50, and how OLD you thought they were? Let’s face it, when AARP sends you more mail then Victoria’s Secret you’re on your way out. Can I just say here, STOP SENDING ME MAIL AARP!!! I’LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN I’M READY TO JOIN!!!!   I had pretty much decided that I was NOT going to turn ‘that age’ this year. I’m not 5-0 in my head, so what’s the point. I certainly don’t act like I’m 5-0. But lately, my body is starting to act like it is. The past few years I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that I felt like I was circling the drain. I was feeling, well, OLD!   I’d been puzzling over this attitude for awhile now, because it’s not like me. What’s up with me? I’m definitely a ‘cup half full’ person. DH calls me the eternal optimist. After pondering some more, I think I’m figuring this out. You know why? Because things ARE changing. I see that I was feeling bad about my age, because I was FEELING it. After my ‘Moment’ (don’t think I’ve shared that one here yet, but I’ll save that for another blog)…you know that moment when you decided that you were actually going to at least ‘look’ at that ‘extreme thing’ called WLS?...Then I decided on the LB, and that was a HUGE change in the right direction. I decided that this year was going to be about ME for a change. I’ve never put myself at the top of the list, let’s face it, I’ve never even put myself ON the list. I decided to make this my year for getting healthy. I made a pack with myself to do this to my best ability and see what happens. My year of taking care of me…so it’s a birthday present for myself, of the best kind.   It hasn’t been easy to do actually, and that part surprised me. I’ve always been know as a person who embraces change…in business, I was know as a ‘change agent’ and it was something I was very good at. It’s easy to feel optimistic about everything else in life, but yourself?...when you’re feeling sick, tired, and old?...but I kept to my promise to myself…it certainly hasn’t been without major moments of guilt for putting myself first…and I’m sure there’s much more of that to come. I’ve made myself re-look at my surgeries that failed that I’d given up on (shhh…stress incontinence…bladder sling and hysterectomy) and even knowing I’m the only one my doc has ‘ever had the surgery fail for’; now I’ve gone through re-testing and am scheduled to see another specialist in March. I’ve made myself ask for help about my osteoarthritis that has given me constant pain for the past 10 years, and doctors have told me “it’s age”; so I thought there was nothing that could help; and now Physical Therapy is actually helping me. I’ve chosen to get the LB, and now, by many unforeseen circumstances, it’s looking like it’s going to happen within a week of my birthday. Coincidence?   I’m seeing changes that I thought would never happen. So now I have new hope. I’m already not feeling as old anymore. If I can make changes I thought would never happen, then maybe the LB will work for me and make more changes I thought could never happen. So maybe turning the BIG ONE this year won’t be so bad after all. It might be a year to celebrate! …baby steps…I’m getting there.
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7/17/09 Onederland is a Tease!

I've been super busy; I’m tired and there’s no end in site. I haven't had my shower yet and I need more coffee. I'm getting ready for DS1's huge graduation party a week from Saturday and I'm running behind on things. It's been a super busy summer and I got a late start on things. The house is a wreck (I’ve been in the basement, so a tornado must have come through here…no other explanation) and I haven’t started buying the food and supplies yet.   After finding out my DVD-slideshow lady is no longer in business I decided to tackle the project myself (with some tutoring from middle sister). The slideshow set to music runs in a loop in the garage where the buffet will be set up so people can view it for a short time or as long as they want while they’re getting their food (It’s almost ½ hour long…almost 500 pics). Yesterday I went downstairs right after breakfast to finish scanning pics and didn’t come up until dinnertime (never could have skipped lunch before the band!). I even forgot to drink any water until the evening…I was ‘in the zone’…gulped down three big glasses after dinner…yeah, I was up three times in the night. I do have the music all loaded, clipped and transitioned. Can’t believe I still have some pics left to scan today. It would have helped if all the photos were organized and in albums, but only about ½ are…we still have some that are just on CD’s and some that are sitting on our 5 scan discs…I hate all you scrapbookers that have every event in an album and with cute decorations too. My three sister’s/Mom keep trying to get me sucked in with all their rolling bags filled with cute scrapbook stuff, but I’m avoiding that cult like the plague. I wouldn’t be a good devotee as I can’t even seem to get my pics developed. As my neighbor friends have pointed out, I set the bar too high with DD’s HS Grad Party. Why did I have to do the slideshow in chronological order (real fun when you have pics sitting in boxes unmarked). My sister was smart…pull a pic out and scan it, who cares what order or if you even miss a year? Why did I have to make a giant quilt for friends to writ messages/autograph (I use T-shirts I’ve been saving from each of them from every sport, workplace, event they were in and put white borders around the T-shirt squares for people to write messages…framed in black and quilted). I HAVEN’T EVEN BOUGHT THE FABRIC YET FOR DS1’s!!! Stop snickering!!! I happen to hate sewing…no patience for it. So what am I doing here instead of getting busy on those pics? Well, one word…ONEDERLAND…I’m NOT there!   I’ve been up and down the same 3 pounds this week and I’ve been eating like a bird…probably too little, some days maybe too much, but I don’t have time to track things right now. My next fill isn’t for another week and a half so I’m just hanging in there. This morning was the kicker though…200.5…the closest I’ve gotten yet. I was thinking ‘Comon! Give a girl a break, like I don’t have enough stress! Can’t you give a girl one measly pound?!’ I know, it’s been another WhineFest…sorry. Off to finish the DVD….if you don’t see me in a few days send a search party down to the basement computer as I’ve probably shriveled up and keeled over (Just let my friends here know I finally reached Onederland)!
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3/3/09 Better Late than Never

As you know, I've only had to lose a little weight on my 6 month diet (OK, stop cursing at my ‘plight’, pity-party going on here). This weekend I started thinking about how I’m now close to the end, and I’m terrified of going straight from barely a diet to a pre-op diet with no preparation. I’ve done my research, but I haven’t been able to put much into practice.   So here’s what I decided yesterday at my 5th Monthly weigh-in…I’m going to start a more strict diet…Woot! OK, it’s the ONLY time I’ve ever been happy to diet…ever! I’ve never been one of those dieters that goes into a new diet feeling happy about it. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t enthusiastic and optimistic, and I wouldn’t say miserable, just not ‘happy’. You know those people…they’re at their 50th WW meeting still happy to be on the diet, even if they’ve only lost 1/8 of their excess weight. Not me…I’m enthusiastic, but I’m the one who by the first WW meeting has already plugged into my calendar how many pounds I’ll lose each week and when I’ll be at goal so I can stop the diet (and I do just that). Yeah, I get that’s probably why I’ve never kept the weight off. I did GREAT at a few diets I’ve been on and have lost major weight, and did fair at all the others, so I can follow a diet, but not for one moment was it a happy experience. You’d think in all the hundreds of pounds I’ve lost over the years would have created a few happy diet moments…nope…even when I’d lost a ton…I felt like I was starving the whole time, so happy about dieting…nope.   My ‘body dysmorphic disorder’ (found that one on the internet) doesn’t help either. For some reason even with major weight loss I’ve never felt great about it. Eight years ago I was on Atkins and lost down to 160 for my youngest sister’s wedding I was in…I HATE my photos from her wedding…I think I look fat. Here I am about 90 pounds heavier than that, and I feel exactly the same...I don’t ‘see’ any difference, and I don’t feel any fatter than I did then, so actually, I guess you’d say I see myself as thinner than I am now. I’ve got plans to work on this…it’s called a camera…if I can see the changes, I’ll embrace the changes.   So yesterday I started the LB rules/diet. By the time I get to my pre-op diet, in about 6 weeks, I’ve made the decision NOT to call this a diet. Diet’s have an ‘end point’ for me, and the Lap Band doesn’t, so I’ll officially be starting a lifestyle change. I started using my tracking site yesterday and I had trouble even setting a date for my goal weight, because I was back to ‘end point’, so I gave myself 2 whole years from my surgery to lose the excess weight. My plan is to set more aggressive short term goals, so when I lose faster than that graph I can always feel good about it. I’ve also made the decision to eventually eat as ‘normally’ as possible so I don’t feel deprived. Oh, I’ll follow all the rules (remember I’m a good dieter), but I’m hoping at this point not to be one of those Lap Banders whose still drinking daily protein shakes and counting every calorie a year out. How in the world does that get you away from a food obsession? That’s not a way I can live, and I need a lifestyle change…something I can live the rest of my life with. I get that I’ll be doing whatever works at the time, so for now, while I need to learn all the rules, I am counting everything; my measurements, calories, carbs, fiber, protein, fluid intake, timing of fluids before/after meals, exercise, and I’m measuring the food amounts so I’ll know what ‘a cup of food’ looks like for post-band. I’m just happy to be starting these changes now…FINALLY!  
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