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About this blog

THE SWEET SPOT My journal on my expedition to Bandlandia and my adventures there. I plan to stay forever (been to Onederland many times, but I never stayed long). Join me!:see

Entries in this blog

 

12/10/08 One Down, 5 To Go...Oh NO!

I had my first month’s weigh in with my PCP this morning. I came out 2 pounds lost (from my eat and drink fest last time), but at least I wasn’t water-logged/bladder bursting again so I could actually have a nice discussion and pay attention this time. My PCP visit went well and we discussed my building a support system (talked about online and the Healthwise Company support program I enrolled in). I’ve been having more trouble with my osteoarthritis in my lower back…not sure if it’s because I’ve just about eliminate the almost daily pain relievers since they started me on migraine medicine. I was afraid to start any pain relievers for my arthritis in fear of the migraines coming back (the arthritis is nothing compared to the migraines). She said it’s OK to start some Tylenol as needed, so we’ll see what happens. It’s also likely that I’m having more pain now that I’m exercising…my body saying “Exercise??!!! What’s that?!!” I’ve had some toe numbness on one side, so she’s having me get an x-ray just to be sure the discs are still OK.   I was so frustrated at the beginning of this process with learning I’d have to do the 6 mo. diet (Diet?!!! Been there, done that…if that worked I wouldn’t need a LAP-BAND®!), but after spending some time researching the LB I began to think 6 mo. was a good thing. There’s so much to learn and to prepare for. For example, this month my “Education Task” with my PCP was doing research and putting together my questions for my surgeon consult coming up. I’m actually amazed that even after 3 different hospital seminars how many questions I still have. I’ve been thinking about this and it’s because this isn’t like most procedures. Heck, when I had my hysterectomy & bladder sling it was pretty much textbook, no choices, standard procedures, I knew what would happen (except the failing part). With this I still have a million questions not only because every surgeon requires different pre & post-op testing/care (let’s not even get into all the differences in fill schedules/procedures/amounts)…but even with the surgery there’s differences….ie. I have a choice of which type of LB and a choice of where my port goes…and look at all the other differences we hear about on LBT: 1 incision or 5?, catheter or not?, CO2 heated and removed or not?, overnight or out-patient?, on and on. So having 6 mo. to research and prepare isn’t all bad and I know now I’ll be more successful afterwards because of what I’ve learned…   My only problem is…I started researching this in summer so I’m ALREADY almost at 6 mo. of preparing/researching…yep, when I look at it, the past 6 mo’s. went fast, but these next 5-6 months are going to be longggggggg! Help me make the time go faster...tell me a story…....anyone have a good joke?
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12/9/08 How many sizes are in your closet?

OK, after noting my lack of pants that fit yesterday (see previous blog) it got me thinking about how many sizes I’ve kept over the years. I decided to go check (in hopes of being able to wear a few someday:bored:). We’ve moved seven times since we’ve been married (I was a bean pole then 5'9"/132#...I've lost and inch and gained a ton), and yep, I got rid of clothes every time we moved …and yeah, my college daughter has permanently borrowed some of my better skinny clothes…and yep, we give clothes to charity every year…so WHY do I still have so many sizes?:cursing: OK, I’ve done the yo-yo thing for decades (obvious from my closet) and, let’s see, the lowest I’ve been in this decade was 160#, but even then, I wore a size 16 on a skinny day. So WHY do I still have size 10’s hanging in my closet??!!!:blushing: I actually have at least one pair of every size between 10-2x (that’s 14 different sizes). OK, I try to buy “Longs” when I can find them, and they’re so hard to find I’ve had a hard time giving them up (saved mostly a few dress ones or jeans)…but GET REAL, size 10’s!??:biggrin: Do you know how much DUST:blushing: was on the top of that pants hangar? I’ve always carried my weight in my lower half…I think I was barely in a size 10 when I was 130#! So there’s my new end goal…I’ll even settle for a 10/12 with an elastic waistband…wow, doesn’t seem even possible! :thumbup: Well, at least my pants are all sorted by size now…next year I plan to start working my way down that rack!:wink:
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12/8/08 Pantless until June!

I’m now at my highest weight ever by a few pounds.:thumbup: But I guess the good news (if you can possibly call this good news:angry:) is I’m well over the minimum BMI needed for insurance..yay me (not).:blushing: I HATE tight pants so I always buy a larger size, but I REFUSE to do that with LB in my future. I had a pair of jeans on with a belt this weekend (last notch) and they were hurting my waist yesterday…they felt like they were pinching me…well, I looked this morning and I actually have a little bruise where the belt buckle flipped up when I sat (probably my muffin top rolling them…lovely:glare:) and the buckle was jabbing me in the waist. As if being overweight isn’t painful enough…now I have to put up with “clothing pain”…geez! I wonder if “clothing pain” and bruising count as a comorbidity (hee-hee)? :biggrin:   I counted and I now have the following: 1 pr. Jeans, 1 pr. Dress pants, 3 pr. Elastic Sweat pants…so not even a week’s worth of pants! :wink: Thank God I’m at home and not working! I don’t think they expect me to lose much weight on my 6 mo. diet, but I have to confirm that...So it doesn’t look like I’ll be able to wear other sizes in my closet any time soon. I don’t end my 6 mo. diet until May 10th, so it will probably be early June for my surgery. What the heck happens when it gets hot out this Spring…I don’t think I have any capris/shorts that would fit me now! Maybe I’ll be allowed to lose weight on that pre-op diet? I’ll have to ask how many weeks that is, let’s see…maybe if it’s 4 weeks pre-op diet that would put me into April…let’s pray:pray2: for a cool spring…and that my 5 pairs of pants don’t split/wear out by then! If you see a pantless lady walking around, it’s me:willy_nilly:…I REFUSE to buy a larger size!
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12/7/08 Thanks...for the Memories

NOTE ***Read the last paragraph at least for my favorite kid story this year…it still makes me laugh!   “Thanks for the Memories” gifts. My Dad started this tradition way back. He would wrap up little crazy things:crazy: that were funny or embarrassing. They are always preceded by a funny story that makes everyone wonder what’s in the box and you never know who’s going to get one. My favorite one was the year I’ve received a box of run-over mangled gas caps. Back when I was a teen, long before they had locking ones or gas doors with handy cap holders on them I lost 3 of Dad’s at the gas station by leaving them on top of the car where you’d put them while you pumped the gas (where else would you put them?). So one year Dad went to our local gas station where they had a whole box of them that other people had left (see, I wasn’t the only one) and yep, I gotem’ all!:wink: We’ve all started this now…   This year I’ve got some good ones ready for my kids. My oldest, my daughter, will be getting a lovely mug we found with Betrix Potter’s “Mrs. Tiggy Winkle” on it. When she was just one we lived for a few months with my in-laws when we were looking for a home after our move. We all loved reading her stories. One day out from the boxed book series came “Mrs. Tiggy Winkle” and she freaked out! :scared2: I have to admit, she’s one scary looking beady-eyed hedgehog (Google her if you want a scare).:scared: For many years, we’d say “Mrs. Tiggy Winkle” and she would imitate Mrs. TW and wrinkle up her nose and make a scary face. She wouldn’t go near the bookshelf at the Grandparents house until we showed her the book and put it up high. Her Grandparents love reminding her of that story. So now she’ll be getting a little reminder (we’re cruel parents, I know)! :blushing:   My oldest son will be getting what’s left of our old OSU front car plate as he had to buy a new one, along with a new front-end on our car (actually just the deductable). Yep, he got in his first fender bender:car::car: this year (no one hurt, low speed, bumped the SUV in front of him and the SUV won big time-hardly a scratch on theirs…:rant:RANT-I ask you why oh why can’t all bumpers line up at the same level?:mad2: What’s the point if they don’t?:cursing:). Yep, we’re really cruel parents!:sneaky: It’s a good lesson when your first accident is a little one though…I hope it’s made him much more cautious; I think so.   My youngest boy-13 will be getting music, specifically Guns and Roses “Sweet Child ‘O Mine”. He got his first guitar (electric) for his birthday in July (Santa is bringing him a bigger practice amp…are we crazy or what? The one it came with was really bad though.). We were so busy:willy_nilly: this summer that we couldn’t start lessons until September. Well, he was so anxious to start that he got on YouTube one day and by watching, tried to teach himself the long intro to the song above. After a month of listening to him trying to pluck it out…before we knew it he had it down and at the right tempo even.:thumbup: Google the music video on YouTube…it’s fast…and he’s never played a guitar…brass in the school band for a few years (band concert at school last Fri. night-very nice), but no strings. September comes and I take him for his first lesson at the music store (he’s nervous, but excited) and we meet the teacher…nice young guy who graduated from Berkeley and they go into one of the lesson rooms while I wait. Half-hour is up and they come out…huge smiles:biggrin::biggrin:…I asked his teacher how it went and he starts laughing:laugh:…OK, I’m thinking what happened?...my son is shy, but super funny…uh oh, what did he do?....the teacher tells me “We began with how to hold the guitar, then we started the beginner book…and it was great that he’s played an instrument at school because I could skip some of the real basics like timing, notes, etc.”...then he starts laughing again:lol2:….he says “We had a few minutes left of our lesson time so I played a little for your son to inspire him and showed him that soon he’ll be strumming and then I played him part of a great picking song.”…:smilielol5:hysterical laughter now… “Well, I finished and your son looks up at me and just gives me a grin” :ihih:(he’s got an INFAMOUS sneaky grin) “Then he looks down at his guitar and without a word plays the same thing I just played perfectly!” :wink2:….what song did the teacher pick…you got it…fate steps in….what are the odds…the ONLY song my son knows…intro to “Sweet Child ‘O Mine”!! The teacher says… “Boy was I amazed!:eek6:...now, if he could have done that with 2 songs…ha-ha!” (I’ll bet he thought he had a prodigy) :lol:We were in tears laughing (guess you had to be there). Ten lessons later and he’s perfectly playing “Stairway to Heaven” (except the big wild solo part). Looks like I’ll soon be a “Band_Groupie” in more than one way…hold those lighters up!!!:thumbup:
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12/6/08 Traditions...What's in Your Shoes?

I love traditions. They tie us to our families our faiths our origins and our holidays. Our parents passed some on to us and we’ve started some of our own…some are just little things, others are lengthy productions, some are from our heritage, some I’m sure most households do, and some I know are just our families. As I’m bringing up all the Christmas bins I’m reminded of all the little things we do each and every year to make this season special.   Always getting our live tree the Sunday after Thanksgiving; Advent calendars; St. Nicholas Day-kids setting their shoes outside their door Dec. 5 for little gifts from St. Nick the next morning (TODAY!..A northern Europe tradition); finding different ways to give to others in need-working at a soup kitchen, Toys-For-Tots, adopting a family; making our favorite Christmas cookies and a gingerbread house while wearing our elf hats with ears; Ornament exchanges with each family and with each other on Christmas Eve; singing “Silent Night” holding candles on Christmas Eve as one child gets the honor of placing Baby Jesus in the manger that sits on the mantle; leaving cookies and milk for Santa and a vegetable-usuallly a carrot for the reindeer; tying a ribbon at the top of the stairs and one of the children gets to cut the ribbon when it’s time to come down-a fire going and music playing; the kids rushing to the tree to see who can find the pickle ornament (from Germany) first that Santa has hidden on the tree because that child gets to open the first present; always opening the stockings first; Santa’s gifts always appear in plain green and red paper with large elvish writing of names on the fronts and there’s always one gift for each child that sits out unwrapped; cooking everyone’s favorites for Christmas dinner and singing Happy Birthday to Jesus before our dessert; and finally come the Christmas crackers that contain tissue party hats and little trinkets and dumb jokes that always get us laughing; taking each child’s photo on the couch with their new toys; the day after Christmas is always “jammie day” where we stay in our jammies and play games all day, Oh and we all have fun giving hilarious “Thanks for the Memories” gifts, but I’ll save that for tomorrow’s blog…my favorite/funniest kid story this year!…stay tuned...hee-hee   What are your holiday traditions??:thumbup:
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12/5/08 Urodynamics

Sounds like a new exercise program…or maybe a high-tech company name?…Oh NO….look closer…Uro…nope, not the currency in Europe…uro as in Urologist!:party: Taking my cue from a fellow blogger (‘cause I can’t just write this out, it will sound too horrific)…Sing it with me, to the tune of “Jingle Bells”…   Went to the Urologist Wires out the gazoo:ohmy: Catheter up the front And up the rear-end too!:eek:   They fill up your big bladder You feel like you’re gonna blow:crying: They ask you to cough, and then they say “Tell me when you’ve got to go.” :wub:   Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right NOW! Im’ gonna pee on your floor and then you’ll need a towel! Oww! :biggrin: Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right NOW! Im’ gonna pee on your floor and then you’ll need a towel!:car:   Yeah… “Oh what fun” (not) I had this morning…Three years ago, after putting up with stress incontinence for years (three kids did me in) I had surgery (only one I’ve ever had) with both a bladder sling and a hysterectomy in hopes of correcting this issue. Although initial results were good, it slowly failed and over the next year I was back to where I started.:biggrin3: Well, it’s taken me awhile to go back to my Dr., but in this year of “getting me healthier” I decided to see what they could do. I met with my Urologist last month…if you remember my “I peed my pants” blog…he said “You’re the first patient I’ve had where this failed…you’ll have to leave by the back door so you don’t scare my other patient!” Ha-ha:laugh:…I would have laughed, but then I might PEE MYSELF!:scared2: Now don’t I feel special! So today I started the testing process again…not much embarrasses me (I know, obviously) but “Urodynamics” testing is a treat…I think you’ve got the picture from my song, but picture standing on a towel and holding a million tubes and wires (coming from all points nether-regions) throughout the testing…cough…bear down:blush:…’nuff said. Next week I get to go through the “scoping” process again…yay me…photos! I’ve had some other issues over the past few years with other failed treatments and I know that’s got me more nervous about the LB process…I’m feeling a little jinxed…like if something can go wrong or fail, it’s going to happen to me!:wub: But I’m an eternal optimist (as Mr.SA says) and my cup is always half-full (or in the case of this morning 1.7 liters…yes, they measure...eeeww)…so here’s to the LB! Bring it on the testing!:thumbup:
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12/4/08 Fa la-la-la-la...

The tree is up…it smells like Christmas in the house! We have a tradition of buying our tree every Sunday after Thanksgiving. We got a fresh 11’ one from a Zeilenople tree farm lot this year. No, it's not bent over..it sits in our 2 story foyer at the corner of the staircase and we have a glass paned front door (unusual I know-that’s me, but it fits our farmhouse style/porch house). My neighbors always comment they love watching our tree get decorated a little more each day as they drive by (maybe I'll make them come help next year). It’s my favorite holiday. I’m kind of a Christmas nut:blink:…holiday nut actually…rusty antiques nut…Disney nut…OK, I’ll save my many obsessions for another blog. Let me just say I’ve got 5 large shelving units and about 40 something:blush: (don't tell DH-Mr.SA) BIG bins (was boxes, now plastic… remember the floods I mentioned with the washing machine yesterday…let’s just say the laundry room is above the Christmas shelves...yes, I cried...Oh, BTW, Art came yesterday and with a laugh, 5 min. and a $25 check I'm back in the laundry business)…I just can't throw anything away-did you know you can keep popcorn strings for at least 10 years...yep, I'm on my second set now-strung with wooden cranberry beads every now and then. I store them in old coffee cans...they smell a tiny bit funny when you first get them out every year, but no mold...they just yellow a little, but they're a perfect buttered popcorn color:crazy:...I know, only I would think to even try saving popcorn (hey, they're a lot of work and my kids bloody finger tips)!! So many bins of Christmas stuff now waiting to go up (an infliction that was passed down from my Mother). I swear I didn't buy much of it...more than half of it is all the kids things (they have as much Christmas stuff as all their other stuff), so it’s not as bad as it sounds…it will be going with them one day…but for now we display it all! Our families (they’re the spoilers) have been building up their displays since they were born so it’s all their fault…the boys huge double-layer train board…one has a Disney train, rides and monorail, the other Ertl farm sets and models he built and painted w/western train…my DD’s Christmas dollhouse that one of my sisters and my brother (still can’t believe my brother did this) sanded and glued together for 4 solid weekends before one Christmas…I so enjoy watching my kids put their own displays up each year as they remember who gave them what:regular_smile:…they always turn out a little different and they still get new little things each year. I have a whole bins of Christmas plush animals, toys, and books they got from Grandparents and of course every handmade ornament they’ve ever made…and not just the ones from school…being an ex Art teacher, I’ve made a LOT with them over the years…we still exchange ornaments with both sides of the family every year, so the kids already have ornaments aplenty for their future tree. We've got the outside lighted garlands and wreaths on every window up already. Today I’m putting away the fall decorations…tonight we put the lights on the tree…tomorrow I pile the ornaments by person on the dining room table and then each person starts putting their own on the tree…I can hardly wait for the memories… “remember this one…who/when…”:thumbup: Fa la-la-la-la
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12/3/08 Stiff Underwear

It’s not what you think…although I’m not sure what you’re thinking:glare:…the dryer:washing: broke yesterday. Doesn’t it know I have mounds of laundry to do? Doesn’t it know we, five "we’s" actually, just returned from not one, but two Thanksgiving week trips; :car:Ohio and Philly:car:…I have suitcases full of laundry! Doesn’t it remember putting all my laundry on hold so my DD, home from college could do all her mounds of laundry before we left? My poor dryer…it’s old:closedeyes:…it’s moved houses with us…it no longer remembers anything…it has, as my children say to me when I forget something, it has “old-timers”. I put in a white load this morning…all was well with Ms. Washer…after all, she was repaired (yet again, after another flood) recently. But when I went to close Mr., Dryer, the tiny piece of metal that sticks out (maybe that’s why it’s a Mr.) to tell it the door is shut broke off (ouch, sorry Mr.). Of course the dryer won’t run without knowing the door is shut…I tried to tell it, yes the door is shut…I even tried to push a paper clip in the hole where the metal came from…no luck…but maybe I WAS lucky…I didn’t think to unplug Mr. Dryer before I shoved a paper clip into that hole…HEY, it’s 220V, I could have been electrocuted!!:scared2:   I called DH-Mr.SA, and he called his new best friend Art-the-repair-man. Let me go back…A few years back when the appliances started to fail, we called the company for a repair person…we got a $295 bill for a $12 fuse and <10 min. repair.:biggrin: So the next time one failed Mr.SA decided he was going to try his hand at appliance repair. Do you know there are online sites where you “diagnose” the problem and then buy their parts and follow the online instructions. Sounds like those medical sites doesn’t it…Oh, how my Dr. loves when I go there…diagnose yourself…very scary business….you end up thinking your have all kinds of horrible things…but I’ve digressed…anyhoooo…Mr.SA confidently tried his hand at the diagnosis and the repair…twice, actually…he admitted defeat only when he had no clean underwear left. In marches the local repair man, Art (no expensive company men for us anymore). Nice old guy…and he loves my old washer and dryer “don’t makem’ like that anymore! Those new ones have a computer board…$500 for the smallest problem…can’t fix just a part on those!” Don’t tell Mr.SA, but I ratted him out to Art, just in case he’d done more damage…after Art was done laughing he replaced my $12 fuse, charged me $50 for the house-call and gave me his card with strict instructions not to let my DH touch the machines. He’s been back every 3-6 months since then and Mr.SA usually hurries home to meet him…yep, I’m at home, but Mr.SA, who fancies himself the ultimate handyman (actually he’s very handy…most of the time) loves to chat it up with anyone who touches anything on our house.   So today he called his best bud Art. I get a frantic call back from Mr.SA saying I have to meet Art at a local gas station in just a few minutes…he’s booked solid today…so he’s giving us the part…no time to explain. :driving:I rush to the gas station where Art meets me with a smile… “No charge for the little part!”…tell me there aren’t honest repairmen in the world anymore! I smile and wish him a happy holidays and tell him I’m sure we’ll be seeing him soon (unfortunately)…he rushes off shouting out the truck window “It’s an easy repair, but tell your DH to call me tomorrow if he has any problems!” Problems? What problems…of course…why else would we be getting the part…why wasn’t I thinking…he’s put Mr.SA in charge of the repair!!!! I’m thinking as I drive home…doesn’t Art remember how he met us…doesn’t he remember my story of the two failed repairs…has Mr.SA schmoosed him into thinking he can handle this? :unsure:Now I’m getting nervous…after all, I have MOUNDS of laundry…the natives are getting restless…last pairs of clean underwear! Mr.SA gets home tonight beaming in anticipation… “Where’s the part?”… “On top of the dryer.”:thumbup:…I’m trying to be supportive… “Whoops!” I hear from the laundry room…my heart beats faster…whoops?.:car:..he busted something else already??… “I guess I didn’t explain the problem/part very well…he gave me the actual latch for the door…the wrong part!” :party: I guess we’ll be seeing old Art soon (maybe he’ll learn his lesson this time). My wet whites load is now out of the dryer hanging all over the house…at least we have clean underwear this time…even if it’s stiff!:biggrin3:
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12/2/08 Consult Scheduled!

OK, since my seminar I’ve been putting off calling to schedule my consult with the surgeon. I found it interesting that AGH (Hospital) leaves it in your hands to call them to schedule if you are interested and you can see the surgeon as soon as you want to. :biggrin: The other two hospitals I went to say they’ll call you to let you know if you are “accepted” into the program or not, and you can’t consult with the surgeon until a certain point in their programs. So I could see the surgeon right away…nice, right? So why was I putting it off?:scared2: I think I felt like I wouldn’t get many of these visits unless there was a reason for more (maybe just one, not sure), so I wanted to have all my questions in line (I’m anal about researching things). I kept saying “I’ll call tomorrow”.:biggrin3:   As we are literally walking out the door to leave for Philly for the Thanksgiving holiday the phone rings. My DH-Mr.SA says (trying to mumble) “It’s Allegheny General for you.” Mind you, I’ve decided not to tell anyone but DH-Mr.SA and here were my 3 children standing in the kitchen, ready to get in the car. I think my oldest, DD home from college, may now suspect something since I left LBT up on my computer and she used it to check her emails :car:(and I over reacted when I saw her on it). I don’t really mind that she knows, I just don’t want her to be disappointed in me if I don’t succeed. So I turn bright red:blushing: in front of the kids and grab the phone. “You attended our seminar about a month ago and we were wondering if you were interested in setting up a consult appointment with the surgeon?” Now I’m grabbing my calendar and running to the other room.:thumbup: He had an opening Dec. 23, which at first pass sounded awful because I know I’ll be busy with Christmas prep, but after a second I realized it’s also a day DH-DH is off so he can go with me.:wub::wub: If he’s my only support then I guess it’s good he knows what to expect after. Plus he was traveling and didn’t make the AGH seminar, so it will be a chance for him to meet the Dr. So…Consult scheduled…now back to my list of questions for the surgeon (why am I so nervous about this?)!:party:
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12/1/08 We Are.....!!!

It was the day before Thanksgiving and we’re packing up the car to go to go to Philly to my SIL/In-laws. We’re trying to get out the door by lunchtime because we know how bad the PA Turnpike gets this day. Side note: You pay a toll to take your life into your (white knuckled) hands to tailgate at 65 mph; :car::car:leave more then two car-lengths and someone darts in front of you (no turn signal, no smile, no wave…Happy Holidays to you too!), causing you to slam on the brakes and wonder if the car tailgating you will soon be in your backseat! :scared2: Back to the story…I finally got my three teens (DD is now 21 actually) out of bed and packing up their final items around 10am (this is early for some of them…teens!). My middle one (DS-18) comes up from the basement beaming.:biggrin: PAUSE right there! This alone is a holiday miracle…he’s going through that moody-teen:glare:Ask-your-teenager-now-while-they-still-know-everything phase:sneaky:…so moments of “beaming” are a rare commodity! He announces “I got accepted into the Engineering school at Penn State main campus!!! Whoo-Hoo!!”:party:(insert us jumping up and down here). Those of you that know PSU, know what a feat it is to get accepted to main campus your Freshman year (most go to a satellite their first 2 years). He’s a very smart kid (National Honor Society), but isn’t the best test taker (psyches himself out:scared2:). He took a course and studied for the SAT, 2 hours almost every day for months, and then took it several times. He thought he wanted to go to Ohio State “OH”… “IO”!!! (DH-Mr.SA and my alma-mater), but he missed the out-of-state scholarship by a mere 10 points on the SAT, so it was just too expensive to go there…He was crushed,:hurt:but I kept telling him things happen for a reason. Since then :pray2:we’ve been waiting:toetap05: for the acceptance letters online everyday, so this was welcome news indeed! He is totally thrilled (and we are too! He deserves this after all that hard work!...dilemma:confused3:...who will we root for at the PSU-OSU game next year?)! One of his best friends that he played on the soccer team and ref’d with got accepted as well (also engineering) so they’re making plans to room together. My niece is a junior there now, so she was thrilled when we got to her home for Thanksgiving and he told her. The chant around our house now is… :thumbup:“WE ARE” … “PENN STATE”:biggrin3:!!!
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11/25/08 Saying Goodbye

We’re off tomorrow :driving:for the holiday to DH-Mr.SA’s Family. I’ve been finding myself saying goodbye to certain foods already (does anyone else do that?)…strange since I’m still 6 mo. from the band. It’s mainly those items I don’t get often, like this past weekend at my parent’s house we were celebrating early Christmas…I found myself relishing Mom’s :drool:homemade pumpkin roll and her strawberry salad (she only makes once a year). Now I’m already looking forward to, and mourning the future loss of,:cool: the stuffing and pumpkin pie on Thursday. I know I’ll get tastes of things in the future, but it’s like saying goodbye to a good friend (OK, maybe a friend you thought was a good friend, but was really stabbing you in the back:sneaky:…I see it’s time to start that mindset change).:confused: HAPPY THANKSGIVING ALL!
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11/24/08 Told You So

:driving:We had a good weekend back home with my family (once we got through the snow). It’s nice having my daughter home from college for the holiday.:confused: DH took my two oldest to the football game and I went shopping with the girls. We celebrated early Christmas Saturday night and it went very smoothly.   My sister sent me some hilarious video’s of elves dancing to Christmas music with my families faces on the elves (you do them yourself at the Office Max website- “Elf Yourself” by JibJab) give it a try; they’re hysterical (and the elves are all skinny)!:huh2: Anyway I’d forwarded it to my sister-in-law (the true “foodie”; she can cook) and asked her yet AGAIN:sad: what I could bring for Thanksgiving (read blog "Why I won't be asked to bring dessert..."). Her response “Just bring yourselves on Turkey Day!”. :glare: I told you so:tt2:…:cool:
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11/20/08 OK, that wasn?t so bad

I got my first call from my “Healthwise” coach, Valerie today. (In case you haven’t read…it’s a third party co. that DH's company hires to coach those with “issues” like mine on the health survey form we have to fill out for insurance). I had to answer all those embarrassing questions first…height, weight,:willy_nilly:…after that it doesn’t matter right? Anyhoo…we start into diet and I tell her about the LB and the 6 mo. diet I’m on with my PCP. Didn’t say anything about the LB, but she loved the diet plan…start at 1600 cal. And step down 100 ea. month. She was so supportive and encouraging.:incazzato: Everything I said was immediately given positive reinforcement. I was feeling myself relax…like a day at the spa:sleep: (or what I imagine it to be like since I’ve never been to one). We talked a little about my exercise habits, etc., then we set some goals for next month’s call. She’s all about reinforcing what the PCP is doing with me. :cryin: I suggested adding 10 min. to my exercise routine, she suggested 5 min….it’s all about small changes she said and being able to easily make them. More supportive discussion…la, la, la…I’m feeling like I just got a massage :banghead:(or what I imagine a massage to be like, since I’ve never had one). We set a date for next month…la, la, la…OK, that wasn’t so bad!:cursing:
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11/19/08 Inspiration in Skinny Photos

So I’m making my Christmas ornaments today. I know, I know, for all of you out there in the work world you’re saying “Rough Life BG!”.:willy_nilly: I worked for a long time, so I’m there with you…and yes, I do appreciate rare days like today…snowflakes falling…holiday music playing…and I’m hot gluing ornaments (Hey, I’ve got the dishwasher and laundry going and I could get BURNED by the glue gun…it’s tough work I tell you!). :cryin: (I should be packing us up for our two different trips to our families next week as Mr.SA is traveling all this week,:incazzato: but I'm not.) Actually, I copped out this year, big time…I’m using a kit :puke:(shhhh)…blasphemy for an ex Art Teacher…I just didn’t find any inspiration this year.:prrr: Understand, these ornaments/or decorations (exchange with family and my gifts for neighbors/friends) are a lot of pressure for me every year…it’s my “Martha Stewart” moment;:banghead: lots of pressure. I always create original ideas and go to great lengths to make something unique each year and now the bar is set very high for beautiful handmade gifts…antique bobbins made into a candle stick with ribbons braided through the holes and tin punched trees ontop with the candle; Hand painted plates with potpourri and candles; beautiful hanging “Kissing Balls” with mistletoe, fancy ribbons and bells; a set of wine charms with beads and different clay Christmas characters glazed and shining…:present:see, pressure. I ponder this all year and gather:driving: the perfect supplies…I’ve spent weeks on them some years, even finished making them in the summer sometimes…not this year…no time, :nonod:NO inspiration. Luckily I bought several ornament kits about 6 six years back and have kept them in my craft closet…just in case:nono:…NO WAY would I need them. But there I was last night digging them out of the closet. They are little clear round ornaments that are water filled and have different types of glitter (a snowglobe, you know). They actually have 2 halves and you twist them open and add 2 back-to-back photos:camera: and close them back up. I’m adding all kinds of ribbon and doodads to the top, but no way to disguise these as "not a kit":glare:…I know they’re lame…no Martha this year...I can feel the disappointment now. I was going through all my photos yesterday trying to find 2 photos (and the right size) of each person. I was struck by how few photos there are of me fat, but I also was struck by the ups and downs of my weight battle…160 lbs. (for the millionth time) just years ago…I remember I didn’t feel very skinny then at all…but there were the photos…no double chin…no belly. I have a hard time seeing myself as I am, at any weight, even now:blink:…I don’t feel like I look that fat, but I know I am.:yikes: So this year I found my inspiration in my skinny photos…inspiration for my journey here.:cursing: Too bad that doesn’t translate well into an ornament…but now I’m making one just for me…with my skinny photos...:dita:
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11/17/08 So Why Am I Insulted?

I got this call and the lady explains it’s about the health surveys we had to fill out for our insurance about a year ago. :incazzato: I’m thinking, OK maybe me going to the info. seminar at the hospitals triggered something since I filled in insurance info. on their form? Then she goes on to tell me my health survey tells them “You’re at risk for several things” (very nebulous… :cursing:“things”) and “Would you like to sign up for our free program?” :sneaky:At this point I’m trying to confirm this is not some phone scam---free program:glare: (yeah right), but I don’t want to piss the woman off either…heck I don’t know if it’s someone who works and my DH-Mr.SA’s company even (I’m thinking do they have health people in HR there?). “Could you tell me more about what this program is exactly?” I ask. :prrr: After dancing back and forth a few times (now I’m really wondering if it’s a scam) she finally offers up some details “Someone will call you with regular phone appointments and they can help you with your issues….” ISSUES? I have ISSUES?? :ugh: I don’t respond as I’m thinking this and so after a long pause she timidly says “…things like exercise and diet”. The magic word DIET. She thinks I need to go on a DIET? :banghead: I’m insulted! :puke: My mind is racing… Who is this stranger telling me I need to go on a DIET? I don’t know what to do now…so again, I blurt…(I’m really stressing now—so spoken at 100 miles per hour…) “Well I’m working with my PCP and have started a diet and exercise program…I’m going to get the Lap Band…and I’m not sure how your diet and exercise would fit in with that?” :willy_nilly: I'm nice, but inside I’m so insulted. But wait…now it’s sinking in…I’m realizing it’s not a scam…if she wanted money, she certainly wouldn’t be insulting me like this, would she?!!! Uh, oh. She’s legit. :cryin: Better be nice. She says “Well, they can help you with things like stress even.” STRESS? :incazzato:WHAT STRESS?!!! She must have detected the stress in my voice…I’m thinking…Go to your happy place, :closedeyes:deep breath… “Uh, stress, OK, fine.” I say. “Someone will call you in a week to get started.” and she explains it's a service the co. pays for through insurance...we say our goodbyes. I hang up and I’m thinking why do I feel so insulted…then I realize:der:….NO ONE has ever told me I need to go on a diet…not in my entire life…it was always my idea to go on a diet...it was like someone calling me fat to my face for the first time ever! :dita: Wow! Reality check!! :blushing:OK, she didn't make up the numbers I put on the health questionaire...I welcome the help…diet, exercise, stress even…bring it on! I get it, I AM fat, I know that!...but I ask myself again...So why am I insulted?:yikes:
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11/16/08 Why I won?t be asked to bring dessert this Thanksgiving

I can’t cook…sure I can follow a recipe, when I want to…but I’m WAY too creative:idea: for that (my gift is art). I have delusions that I’m a “foodie”…but only if you’re describing someone who loves good food. The problem is I’ve never taken the time to really learn and now I just don’t want to (you’ll see why). I’ll blame this primarily on my mother. She had 5 kids, 4 girls and she never taught us how to cook…didn’t want us in the kitchen actually. Ohhhh my mom’s a great cook…wonderful meals every night, appetizers even, on Sunday nights. Sure we made fun of her serving us cow’s tongue with raisin sauce once (what did you think kids would say about a giant curved tongue with raisins stuck all over it…I still swear it had taste buds…we were ROTFL:lol::smilielol5::wub::huh2:)…I think we made her cry. She would only break her form on the rare occasion she and Dad went out…frozen potpie night.   When I got to high school I had taken home ec. so I was allowed to try. I decided baking suited me well and I was good at it; even tackled filled éclairs once. So I branched out…I started adding my own spin to recipes…big mistake…my first memorable one was Jell-O with raisin bran cereal in it…let’s just say the raisins did fine…it was the flakes that were memorable.:ack2: :puke: I got married and continued the adventure. Once I was given the task of bringing the cake to a holiday. I had a box of candy canes. :idea:Candy canes…buttercream icing…what could be better together I ask you? I crushed them into chips and added them to the icing. Let me inform you…candy cane chips in icing turn into mainly gross wet slimy goo with sticky centers that get stuck in your teeth (kinda like the Jell-O flakes).:cool: By now I was developing a reputation in the family.   Another holiday I was tasked again with a baked good. I decided on apple pie...I was going to show them all this time! I researched recipes and found the best homemade crust and apple filling recipe I could find. I bought my apples from the local orchard even. Now, how to dress it up…I found a photo in a cook book of a BEAUTIFUL looking apple pie! It had a lattice top with fluted edges…I’m and art ed. Major…I can sculpt like nobody’s business! There was even a tiny apple with leaves all made out of crust sitting in the middle…oooo.:w00t: I was going to need to make a lot of crust for all that! The photo of the pie was a beautiful golden brown and it was shiny! I researched that glaze. I made my pie…I had so much crust my woven lattice (pinked edges- my addition) top crust was almost solid…I couldn’t even see the apples down in there, but I knew it would be delicious…it was glazed so many times it shined and the tiny apple in the center looked almost real.   I entered my parents house to ooos and ahhhs…I beamed. We finished the holiday meal and now it was time for the pie. My mom brought it to the table to serve and I couldn’t wait. She started to slice into it…what’s this…it’s too hard (maybe this is like pottery I’ve made…too much glaze?)? No worries, Mom smiles nothing phases her, and she goes to the kitchen for a big serrated knife. After a great deal of sawing she finally breaks through…I’m now hearing sniggers all around me. She lifts the first piece and I see it…the filling is sitting nicely on the bottom crust, but as she turns it sideways there’s a giant space between the filling and the top crust, which is so thick with all my lattice that it’s still hanging in the air like a triangular diving board! Full laughter now. Let’s just say I went home with almost all the pie (my mom had a backup dessert…she’s learning).   Now here’s the worst part…I threw the beloved pie into the trash can behind our apartment, wanting to forget it forever. Trash day came and went, almost a week went by and my husband came home one night beckoning me to come out back. Just a few feet beyond where the trashcans are is the drive by which many in the apartments use to park. What was that in the drive?…damn those trash men for spilling…yep, there it was:sad2:…my beloved top crust still looking perfect, still so shiny…didn’t it rain yesterday? I left it there.:leaving:Since then my DH Mr.SA, has embellished the story (and to think I married him for his sense or humor). The story now goes, and he swears it's true, the next day it had tire tracks:driving: going over it that didn’t even break the tiny apple with leaves on top. Of course I have to hear about every failed recipe each holiday (I’ve only shared three here, but they have much more ammo).:w00t: I’ve offered to bring something for Thanksgiving this year…I’m still waiting for the call back.:cool: ...I'm starting to collect post op recipes now.
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11/15/08 Putting Myself First

CLIFF NOTES: I started off to write a somewhat funny note about one of my teens who had a rant:incazzato: last night, and somehow ended up on the shrinks couch:couch2:below. I’ve been feeling kind of melancholy since my good news and happy day Thurs. and I couldn’t figure out why. Apparently, I’m feeling guilty for putting myself first by going through this process. Hey at least it saved me an hour at the pre-op psych visit…tee hee:biggrin:. Don’t bother reading unless you’re there too… (Back to myself now, thank you.:wub:) -BG (I'm saving the rest just to remind myself of this.) --------------------------------------   It seems just yesterday I had a job I loved at a Fortune 500, and was on the fast track up the ladder with a very bright future ahead. But I was traveling all the time and my (2 then) kids were in daycare for LONG days. I could only involve them in things that were only on the weekends (try telling your 5 yr. old daughter she can’t take gymnastics classes on Tuesday’s after school with her friend). DH was gone many night’s working hard on his Master’s part-time for 8 years at night, and his job also required a little travel, so we were mainly a “Weekend Family”. It only got harder and harder as the kids got older (I thought they needed your time most as little kids-BIG “wrong”). I couldn’t find that elusive “Super Mom” balance between work and family and we needed a change (I so admire those of you who can do it all- some of my sisters included).     I was pregnant with my third when DH was offered a promotion to a sales position back to my home town where a lot of my family still was. I didn’t hesitate one second…It was a happy change for us all. We moved and we were now able to afford it, so I stopped working. If I’m being honest it was a hard transition going from the “fast track” to “homemaker”. With a new baby, and DH now traveling I’d go days without seeing an adult. Also, it’s kind of like being fat…people stereotype you...and with the move, no one knew I had had a career…I found people suddenly treating me like I didn’t have a brain…the topics of conversation in my life suddenly changed. Even I was guilty of this at first …I’d been friends with neighbors for years before I’d asked anything other than about life as a Mom. There were lawyers, nurses, teachers, all kinds of “formers”. And yes, those who’d never had a job also had lives outside their families…wow I was guilty of not thinking homemakers have a brain too…there were volunteers for great organizations, those that had hobbies like mine, brilliant women! Anyway, I had to keep busy so I volunteered for everything; was the Girl Scout Leader, the “Homeroom Mom” for all three of them every year (for as long as they’d let me-about middle school), and I was a former art teacher, so the schools used my talents for all kinds of things and I was there with my youngest in tow most days. I helped start a “play group” in my neighborhood for Moms/little ones. I immediately signed my two older ones for so many things they’d been asking to do. We all appreciated our new life. That first summer, I counted 14 “legs” in the car one day with the baby zigzagging the older ones around town…not good either…     We found a balance and the kid’s all were able to dabble in many thing and they each found their gifts/niche. We’ve since moved again (I designed our current home with the help of an architect software program, not a huge house, but it meets our family needs perfectly!) and the kids are now older; two teens and one is 21 (I can’t believe I’ll be down to one at home next year). I’ve certainly never been bored at home as I’ve always been busy. My youngest, 13, still needs the most time from Mom but my “job” at home has evolved more and more into time devoted to major home reno. projects; tiling, painting, sewing curtains, finished the basement/bath (I’ll never mud drywall again), built a pond with waterfall, designed and built a finished clubhouse for the kids, etc. (with help from DH & the kids). I love tackling learning something I’ve never done so I’m pretty handy, and I feel good that I’ve saved us tons of money doing all this myself (even my neighbor friends who are at home sometimes tell me I make them look bad). As a homemaker, I’ve had to come to grips with the fact that you can only get those pats on the back from your family mainly, and they get used to your capabilities, so the pats don’t always come as often. Gone are the work days when a job well done meant you had whole teams of people singing your praises…and forget getting a promotion!     I haven’t regretted anything…but with my youngest turning 13 I’m suddenly finding I no longer have that little kid in the house who thinks you know everything and glows at every little thing you do…and you’re the hardest working mom on Earth. Getting through these teen years is just difficult some days, and I knew it would be. Some days they act like/tell me I have no clue. My sister gave me a magnet that says “Ask your Teenager now while they still know everything!”, and yep, I still have a brain. It’s funny, my kids hardly remember me working and they’re wonderful kids, hard workers, not spoiled, but as teens often do, they don’t always appreciate the sacrifices you’ve made in your life for them. They don't like it when I have to said “no” (I’m the disciplinarian and DH is the softie…he’s still working on it), but I know they love me and they do show it/say so. They unknowingly say hurtful things like “I wonder why you don’t have a job?” like their friend’s mom. There’s some days I want to scream “What do you mean I don’t have a job…who’s raising you? Don’t you know I gave up working for our happiness? Do they realize how different things would be for them even now if I was working?…Don’t they remember…” Of course they don’t. I’m happy with my life…I’ve got a wonderful family and a great life, and again, I don’t regret anything…but some days-TEENS! I get glimmers of hope that they’ll get this someday…my daughter’s about ready to graduate college and she’s coming out of that teen funk; she’s starting to ask me about things that let me know she gets it.     Reading this over I’m sounding so negative, and that’s not me at all…I’m a giving person who gives out of love, not looking for appreciation; the typical nurturer – family first. *Lightbulb* I just realized this week when I saw this Lap Band thing was probably going to be a reality I was feeling guilty that I was putting myself before my family. I felt guilty I was taking time to do this just for me. That’s probably at least part of the reason I’ve let myself get to this state of health, never putting me first. Writing this was helpful for me to realize the whole family will benefit from seeing me work hard, and yes, just for me! (even if only my DH knows about the LB)…I realize the one thing I’ve yet to be able to balance in my life was sometimes putting myself first.
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11/14/08 Fall reminds me of college!

I got my two boys out this afternoon mowing & sucking up all the fall leaves with me since we’re having a heat wave-60 degrees high (rain or snow tomorrow; 30’s high next week). Florida Pete I don’t want to hear a word!:w00t: We have a hill with huge trees behind us so you could hardly see the grass for all the leaves. There’s something about the smell of slightly wet leaves that always reminds me of college…I guess it’s that back to school smell. When I was younger it was “paste”:wub:...I’m aging myself again aren’t I?…Hey, do they even MAKE school paste anymore?:huh2:   We’re been doing the final college visits now with my middle one (boy); the one I mentioned just got into National Honor Society this week (sorry, proud). My DH (Mr. SA) is taking him on his last two different visits this weekend (wish I was going, but my youngest has a commitment). It’s good kids know what they want; he wants a huge school, my daughter is a senior at mid-size one. She would tell me to insert a shameless resume here…but I’ll keep it to anyone looking for a bright employee: double major-marketing/intl. business, let me know (She’ll have me on the street corner wearing a sandwich board for her soon). What a bad time to graduate and be seeking employment huh?...but I envy them those wonderful college years!   So fall reminds me of walking around my college campus and all the expectations of a new school year. I was thinking today that starting this LB process now in the fall brings a lot of the same feelings I had then; anticipation, hopefulness, eagerness, anxiousness, etc. So I’ll use this school year to get educated (about LB) and for now I’m just hoping I’ll be “graduating” to a new part of my life…just about the same time as my two oldest ones! :cool::w00t::cool:
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11/13/08 Supercalafragolisticexpia lidocious!

What a great day! I’m on cloud nine…or at least 8.75!!! I went to the third hospital's seminar this morning and it was great! I turned my first big corner in this process! It was a great seminar; whole section devoted to INSURANCE, with an actual INSURANCE EXPERT- can you believe they exist?…I thought it was an urban legend! It was like finding the holy grail! I talked to the insurance gal and she assured me I’ll get approved. Whoo Hoo!! She said my insurer is the best insurance to have for this here…and she said they have “Actual LIVE people on the other end of the phone.” I wonder what the other ones have “DEAD people”??…serves them right…insurance people…putting me through all this…oh, that’s right, my insurance peeps are still alive…good thing…they need to live long enough to give me that elusive final approval!!! Then we’ll getm’!   My surgeon had a great presentation and was wonderful (even gave us a copy of the whole presentation, now there’s an idea!)! OK, now tell me if I’m going to die in surgery? Let me explain; he came with his little ducklings (4 interns) following. Poor guy couldn’t get his PowerPoint presentation to work at the beginning, so after about 5 min. of trying he turned working on it over to an intern while he talked to us. Two min. later Duckling no. 3 had it working….I couldn’t help myself…I blurted… “I want that guy for my surgery!” I’m hoping the Dr. didn’t hear me…but the sniggers around me didn’t help. If I die you’ll know why, and Doc, let me clarify my statement…I meant as an intern, not as my Dr.! My Doc rocks!   My only regret today was my husband was traveling for business. He just got home and I was telling him about my day---he was so happy for me. We kept talking and I mentioned the diet/exercise plan...he said "6 months?!!! I thought it was 6 weeks??!!!" LOL...didn’t he just sit (or sleep) through the other two seminars with me?!!…he means well!   So its been a (sing it with me........you know you want to) Supercalafragolisticexpialidocious Day!!
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11/12/08 "Before" pics

On to more pressing matters…I’m nervous about my last seminar tomorrow so I’m being lazy and spending most of the day on the computer. After lurking all over LBT today I’m now feeling the need to take my “Before” pictures or find some. I’m even thinking I might even attempt the insurmountable feat of creating an Avatar soon (isn’t that a Cartoon show?).:angry_smile: Heck, I’ve now got a Blog and I didn’t know what that was a week ago! And BTW what the heck is a Vlog people are mentioning “I love vlogging?”?? I’ll have to Google that one!   I’ve found there are very few recent pics of me…I hide from the camera, shove my youngest in front of me, or it’s in my hand…I wonder why. This is a somewhat scary proposition. So…I’ve been perusing everyone’s Before/After pics (wow you all look so different! You know I’m talking about you! What an inspiration!:cursing:) …do I wear the jeans; nope…I’ll NEVER be able to get that pic where I’m standing in one pant leg!:cursing: I’ve got the jeans for 160# still hanging in my closet and they’re not ½ the size of my current ones...hard to believe I was there less than 8 years ago (for the umpteenth time!). Do I just do the face shot…nope; unfortunately I still have a very oval face with a double chin only when I smile. Let’s be real…It’s not my face carrying this weight…I’m a pear and the skinniest part is still at the top, my head. Do I dress myself in my finest (aka full camouflage of the weight)? Or do I let it all hang out (I saw one in her underwear belly fat roll in hand...I’ll cut her a break, maybe she doesn’t own a bikini; I know I don’t!:cursing: BTW not on LBT…we have standards here!) I think I’m opting for the middle ground. I like the ones that wear the same outfit so you can really see the differences…so I guess I’ll need to wear pants I might keep…oh, wait, I guess that only leaves my spandex sweats and a tank…not so pretty…that’s one step away from the underwear lady! But maybe that’s the motivation I need!:cursing: I don’t know about you but I know I don’t see myself the way others see me…while I’m disgusted by the site of me and what I’ve done to my body…I know I still don’t see myself as fat as I am…Why is that? And when I was 70# lighter when we moved to Pittsburgh, I remember being in my youngest sisters wedding and feeling SO fat…I hate my photos from that day. Maybe Technicolor photos will help me gain perspective. So I’m gathering my courage to have my DH photograph me…I’ll let you know how it goes.:cursing:   Now I’ve just got to ask…WHAT’S UP with all those Avatars of people’s faces taken from above their heads? :cool:They are beautiful and interesting, but I started to ask myself why? Why no face pics from below…OK…looking up anyone’s nose wouldn’t be pretty! Above- Is it so no one can recognize you? Do they all have disfiguring goiters on their necks:eek:…I’m not making fun…I’m just curious. I’ve finally decided they all have double or triple chins (I’m a double) they’re hiding. I’ll have to keep this in mind when I finally figure out how to do an Avatar…I wonder how skinny I’d look from up above? But then I'd have to dye my gray roots! For now I’ll just work on the “Before”… :cursing:
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11/11/08 Why can?t the Holidays Just be Jolly?

OK- good news for the day:smile:. My oldest (daughter) was home from college for the night/day and we had a great, short visit. I felt badly that I had 3 lengthy phone calls with my family members (drama) while I should have been visitng with her though. My middle one (son), Senior in HS, is getting inducted into the National Honor Society tonight. I'm really proud of him...!:angry_smile:
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11/10/08 I peed my pants!

Wow...didn't think THAT would be my title today! This morning I had in mind..."1st day of the Diet" or something else really benign (my insurance requires a 6 month PCP supervised diet/exercise history). OK on with the story. I spent the weekend wildly researching and typing up stuff in anticipation of my PCP appointment today. I put together a form for the Dr. to easily fill in each time. I also put together my family history...wow, was that an eye opener! I woke up nervous...let me back up...   I'd been to the PCP last month for my physical follow up. I had just lost 25 lbs. on another low fat diet/fat absorbing pills, so my weight was down some, but I was still Obese (I wanted to make the best case I could to my PCP). My PCP came in and we talked, she supported my looking into the LAP-BAND®® and gave me names of surgeons and I picked up the diet plan to review. Then I went to seminars at two hospitals that are 'Centers of Excellence' for bariatric surgery in town (with my skinny DH) and found out what this was all about...I wasn't certain that I'd be approved by insurance...it's like an evil game. The seminars stated I needed to show I was a diet 'failure', so I quit the diet pills until my official start. I know, this all seems counter-intuitive since I'd just lost some weight, but it's not like I haven't just been a lot heavier, I'm an expert now an yo-yoing...I hate insurance and I'm just starting this (don't they know yo-yoers that are obese have even more health risks?). By the end of the month I was only up a few pounds more (less fast than I normally gain).   So I'm back to where I began...I woke up nervous today...weighed myself...quite a few pounds over 35 BMI...but, what if their scale was way different than mine?!...No! I can't be too close to the 35 BMI when I start!!! OK, calm down, I know I've read some things online about this...ankle weights some suggest?...nope, my ethics won't let me go there, sorry...Next-eat a lot before you go...and drink a lot...OK, I can do that...bowls of cereal later I was ready to burst...Next-It's snowing for the first time...layers are good! OK, I need to time the water just right. I had incontinence surgery 3 yrs. ago (hysterectomy and the sling)...let's just say I was back to the Urologist last week and he told me "You're the first patient I've had where the procedure failed! You'll have to use the back door to leave here so my other patients can't see you, Ha Ha!" Lucky me!...I'm not laughing...because if I do...I'LL PEE! Now back to drinking water...water bottle in hand, I get in the car...the Drs. office is 1/2 hr. away...no problem.   I'm dancing by the time I get there (the pee dance)! 15 min. wait...I get to the room with the Nurse and she pulls the digital scale to the middle of the open door "I need you on the scale" she yells from outside the room. What?!! Was the scale too close to the cabinet that my fat hips couldn't get on where it was...no?!!! Could we maybe close the door...no?!!! I glance wildly side to side to see who heard and if there was any patient coming down the hall who might be scarred by this site. Right, Left, no one...I can do this. I take off my coat and then she says it..."My you have a lot of layers on!"...."Yeah, it's cold outside." I manage to squeak out. On the scale I go...uh oh...my evil plan worked...too well! AHHH!!! I'm 5 pounds above where I thought I was...my scale at home is too light...I've gained weight (as usual, but are they going to be mad and not support me getting the LAP-BAND®®?)!!! Oh no!!! She flips through my charts. I try to distract her "I feel like I'm back at weigh in's at the group diet meetings-this is so embarressing!" (what did I just say?) Her head doesn't come up from the file...she notices! Are they're going to throw me out in the cold?? She asks me to sit for my Blood Pressure check (it's been high about a year now and they keep talking about putting me on meds.). "Are you nervous?" she asks. "No!" I SCREAM! "Why? Is something wrong?" I blurt! She looks frightened now..."No, your blood pressure is just really high 158/110!" Wild eyes staring into hers I say "Oh, maybe I'm more nervous about the surgery than I think?" She hustles out and closes the door. Oh no! What's going to happen? What's the doc going to say about my weight gain!!!! She's so nice..."Oh, so this will be your first supervised diet/exercise program visit?" she smiles...my heart is starting to calm...No!...she's flipping through the charts!!!...then it happens...I PEE MY PANTS...and once I start it's so hard to stop...SQUEEZE...How many gallons did I need to drink anyway?...SQUEEZE!!! I'd almost forgotten how badly I had to go in all the excitement...she's now talking and looking through my alarming family history...I vaguely remember her talking about hypertension...she's looking through my charts again...NO!...she mentions how long I've had High Blood Pressure...I feel her taking my blood pressure again...then pulling up my pant leg and checking my legs for swelling...NO Ankle weights here!!! (thank God for my ethics)...all I can think about is DO NOT PEE!...next thing I know she's standing at the door beconing me with papers...My mind races...what if I get up and there's a puddle on the table?...darn that evil paper they put on the tables...what to do?...with a smile she waves the form I brought at me...I smile and slowly get up...I turn...I can't believe it...and I say a silent prayer in heaven for the woman (you know it was) who invented the Super-Dooper-Almost-a-Diaper-Pad I'm wearing (which is know hanging heavily low in the crotch of my oh-so-dry pants!). She is walking me back to the reception desk and then presses another paper into my hand...what's this?...a perscription "for your hypertension"....I smile and thank her...(I found out later that this is a comorbidity...I deserve this!!!) I check out..."Where's the ladies room?" I ask.
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11/7/08 Secret the World Knows

First things first. I had no idea what a Blog was and now I'm writing mine...a "journal", I get it. My kids would be proud of this technological feat (maybe someday I'll figure out how to do those photos online-Avatar...isn't that a Cartoon?)...except at this point I've decided not to tell anyone about this "journey" except my skinny DH, whom I dearly love. Let's face it, if you've never fought obesity for more than a decade (OK, I'll give him the "college fatties" that he soon lost) you just don't get it. He's supportive in his own way (he just sat through two different information seminars with me), but I know him well... He married a 5'9" (I've lost an inch), 132# art teacher who also taught 8 aerobic exercise classes a week. He's watched me go up and down the scale drastically. It's hard, but I can lose major weight (up to 50)...My real problem is keeping it off. Heck, I was 80# lighter just 8 years ago when we moved here and I've been up and down 30 and then 45 pounds of that twice in the 8 years since. His reaction to Lap Band "It's so drastic. Can't you just do Atkins again and then we can get you a gym membership so you can keep it off?" (I wish). Now, I can hardly move around without hurting at almost 250#...I'm sure I LOOK lazy sitting in the recliner with the heating pad on my osteoarthritic back. Ahh...if only they knew how much more WORK it is to be fat...seriously, just think about it...how much time have I spent researching, doing, logging diets and exercise plans...how many minutes a day are spent just thinking about food/diets/self image/my obesity...I wish I could get all that time back to just Live Life! Will everyone I know be surprised if I lose a lot of weight...no, they've all seen me do it before...but they, and I, will be shocked if I can keep it off. That is my secret hope...I just want to feel healthy again...and getting back into those skinny jeans will just be a bonus!!!!     I'll track my progress another time, but I'll tell you in my few months of researching this I've done a 180 on sharing this process, at least for now. I'm known as a "sharer", nothing is sacred...I had my hysterectomy and incontinence sling surgery...everyone knew (yeah, even the husbands in the neighborhood...I can't help that they were at the bus stop waiting for their kids while the Mom's were asking me about it...they couldn't have talked a little louder about "the game last night"?) and I shared whatever anyone wanted to know...if you've never been through incontinence "testing" you haven't lived (and the surgery failed, so I'm starting testing again...wee!...literally). I don't get embarressed by this stuff and I find a sense of support by sharing to whomever wants to know, but I've changed my mind for this process. After reading many others experiences both positive and negative with telling others about their Lap-Band, I've decided for once in my life to keep this under wraps. I think what's left of my self-esteem just can't handle any negativity about this. It's against my nature to not share this, and it's going to be harder on me, so I was glad to find an outlet here for sharing...even if no one ever reads anything.     So HELLO "My Blog"! I'm not really keeping a secret if it's here for the world to read. This will be my place to vent, to plan, to track, and hopefully to celebrate, and maybe find some friendly support along the way! Thanks for listening Blog.
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