So, it's finally friday, last day of the week and the last class before my Thanksgiving break. It couldn't have come at a better time. Aside from doing my best to pass this last class, yesterday evening I spotted a knot or nodule on my boyfriend Jeremy's dog, Bailey. I had been watching the area for a rash that had appeared after a tick bite, and since catching things early is always the best wat to do it, we took her to the vet. Good news is, it's probably not lyme's disease even though we're going ahead and treating her for it, bad news is, after aspiration (draining out some of the fluid) of the nodule, the vet feels that it's probably malignant. I've had a past with cancer, a lot of friends and family have had it, some beat it by entering final rest and others beat it with medicines. Either way, they beat it, but the point is, just having a tumor removed isn't a death sentence anymore and for people who haven't experienced it, it can be very hard to grasp that knowledge. Jeremy is one of those people. So, I asked the vet to go on, remove the tumor and as much of the surrounding tissue as he felt necessary to make sure we get it all out, and then send the tumor to a veterinary pathologist who could tell us definitely if it's cancer and if it is what kind we're dealing with. So Bailey had surgery last night, problem is, as bad as she feels she let us know all night long. We picked her up at about 11 last night, and she was really disoriented from the medication/anesthesia, side effect of the meds...incontinence. Yep, all night long we constantly had to wipe her butt. All night. I mean literally all night. She's so pitiful she just wimpers and we know she can't help it, but man it smells and as much as we've tried to keep her in one area and keep her down so that we don't have it everywhere in the apartment, she's a scared and disoriented dog, so that didn't work.
Like I said, Thanksgiving break couldn't come at a better time, tonight, I'll be sleeping in my bed at home, 2 hours away. I don't mean to sound mean but she's a big dog and I love her to pieces but, I will be sooo happy to sleep and not wipe her butt every few minutes. I just hope these effects wear off really soon. I worry that with the disorientation and she's now wearing a satellite collar and scared to death of it, I worry she'll do something and rip her staples out.
On a different note, when we did get in last night, it was snowing. This morning, still snowing, and my class is 30 min away by mountain roads. Joy. I wish they'd cancel it, my little car doesn't like slick roads, but knowing the university and specifically the professor which has no soul, they won't.
The other day I ordered a protein sampler pack from Bariatric Advantage and it arrived home yesterday, so I will be experimenting with that over the course of the break. Also trying to move stuff home from the apartment, and do homework for this crazy class. It just seems like there is always something going on in my life....and most of the time, it's not good things going on. But c'est la vie! I suppose.....:willy_nilly:
So, my name is Jecca...not legally but everyone calls me that who knows me. I currently weigh roughly 326 lbs. and I'm 5'10. I've heard that journaling and blogging thoughts can help relieve stress and stress is bad, so I thought I'd give it a whirl.
I'm currently trying desperately to finish my BS from Radford University in biology. It's taken me 5 and a half years but hopefully it ends this december! The class I'm taking is a very hard one, and is only taught by one professor, who just happens to be the one who failed me last semester. The man truly has no soul, if I can pull a 60...just a 60 in that damn class I'm done! Not to mention that I've had all sorts of other things going on this semester and trying to prepare for my surgery.
I'm so excited about my surgery that I can barely sleep at night. I just know that what I look like right now, isn't what I'm supposed to look like, isn't healthy, and I'm soo tired of the social stigmas that come with the package. I'm not ashamed of who I am, I know I've tried to lose it on my own, but I can't, I need help, I need a tool, and that's what the lapband is going to give me, the help I need to succeed. My Dad and middle sister Ann, don't believe that it will help me, they think I'm wasting my time and money, that if I just tried to lose weight I could do it, no doubt my Dad's girlfriend (who no one really likes) thinks the same is true. That really hurts. My oldest sister Lisa, believes that it can help me, that maybe I need this, but hates me to have to have any surgery because of the risks. I understand that, but I KNOW I need this! At times it seems like the only ones who TRULY get me, are my boyfriend Jeremy, and my oldest neice Ashleigh (she's 15). Jeremy has seen me try, he knows I give it my all, he knows what this surgery means to me, and he wants me to do it, but worries about me during the surgery. Sometimes I think I forget how much he cares, until he talks to me about the surgery and then I remember that he wants me to be healthy, and will love me no matter what I look like (although he says that he really doesn't want to see my butt or boobs go lol). Ashleigh on the other hand, I think she sees the social stigma parts only. My first surgical consult, she and my Dad were with me, went to the classes and everything! When the doctor asked me about how my weight effected my life, and I told about the kids in elementary school teasing me, the boys laughing at me if I had a crush on them, the people treating me like I'm a leper and not being able to do what I enjoy...she cried...my Dad asked her why, and she said it was because she didn't know how hard it was to be me. She of course is a bean stalk, but I think she sees more now that it's hard to be obese. I know that she's excited for me to have this surgery, and swears that on my post-op diet until I can eat solid foods again, she's going to eat only what I can eat, I won't hold her to that, but it's sweet.
My Dad just wants me to be healthy, I know that, and I think that once I have the surgery and come out ok, and then start to lose the weight, he'll fully support me, Ann on the other hand, I've grown to almost not care what she says/thinks.
As for my friends, the ones who know, they support me, and I know that's what I really need right now, less stress, more support, to get done with school, to finish reading the Beck Diet Solution and to have a good Thanksgiving.
I've already told Dad that Thanksgiving is going to be basically my last supper, and so I'm going to literally pig out! I have 1 more class till Thanksgiving break, then 6 classes and 2 exams and it'll be time for my surgery. I can't wait, I just hope/pray that I can survive this class, and reward myself with the best Christmas present ever, starting a new life, of being healthy and a lot thinner.
I remember in high school I weighed 180. I thought I could still stand to lose ohhhh another 40 or 50 lbs, maybe so, but when I look back at those pictures, I was slim, but not skin and bones by any means, and I looked good. Now if I can only get back to that. :willy_nilly:
