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Blog 49252

A blog by voiceomt2002

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Working it all out

Well, DH still is out of work, and we almost went into foreclosure, but a friend rescued us. Now if they start foreclosure, it'll be at Christmas. If DH doesn't have a job by then, well, we have a contingency plan. Nice thing is, I'm still dropping weight. It's coming off more slowly lately, but I actually don't mind so much. I have a chance to adjust my clothes instead of finding out at the last minute that the pants bag or fall right back down to my ankles. (That was a shock the first time it happened.) Clothes I haven't worn for years are now the mainstays of my wardrobe, and I can't wait for cold weather and my leather jeans, SIX SIZES smaller than I was a year ago. My senior editor wants pictures, but I'm resisting until I hit Onederland. Back to work! :biggrin:

July 31, 2009

3

When the Going Gets Tough

Well, still no jobs for DH or I. (sigh) Man, this hurts. You'd think one of us would be sweeping floors somewhere by now, at least. Now another blow. When my DH came home from losing his trucking job, he was so sick we took him to the doctor. She ran all sorts of tests, and we expected to hear something like diabetes, which runs in his family. That would have been bad enough. We didn't expect to hear, "possible prostate cancer." (gulp) Yes, I had hysterics and permitted myself 24 hours of a pity party. :tounge_smile: Didn't we have enough to worry about with job loss, and possibly losing the house to foreclosure because of the job loss? Learning to cope without stuffing myself with food has been interesting. I've never been a drinker, but twice now I've consumed a glass of wine. That may not seem like much to some folks, but for me that's the equivalent of a binge drunk. Do you know what happens when your tortured mind tries to compensate with food while your stomach has a LapBand? Yeah, you develop an intimate relationship with the porcelain toilet. Funny how you have more incentive to keep the darn thing pristine white when you hang your head over it so much your knees are calloused. :thumbup: But an old dog can be taught new tricks. After hanging around my bathroom for two days in a row, I tossed the empty wine bottle in the trash and rolled up my sleeves. When the going gets tough, the tough get cleaning. That's always been my fallback method of dealing with stress. You'd be amazed what you find on top of the refrigerator. I think I'll use some of those old classifieds to protect the top of the fridge. Today I'm rearranging the living room. I think I need to hold another garage sale. I may lose my home in a few months if the mortgage company and I can't arrive at an agreement, but it'll be scrubbed and sparkling! There are just some things in life that aren't fixed by losing weight, but it darn sure helps when you have the energy to get up and do something about it! I'm not crying Uncle yet!

April 23, 2009

4

What a Difference a Year Makes

On Saturday, Dante, my DD Susan, and I went to the Jacksonville Zoo. Not that big of a deal, right? It was for me. One year ago, I couldn't have hauled my badly overweight carcass around a grocery store, much less acres of walking trails. I would have been humiliated and restricted to one of those expensive rented electric carts, unable to ride the train or get "up close and personal" with the exhibits. I'd have been in my black stretchy knits, hoping no one noticed how sweaty I was. My swollen feet would have been crammed into my black Crocs, just so my feet could breathe and cool me. A few years ago, I would have jonesed for a cigarette and been unable to satisfy my craving because the electric carts would have been difficult to get to the few places where smokers could be. This year was radically different than all years past where I sat in my wheelchair while Dante and Susan had fun. This year I was in size 18 jeans and a pink tee shirt, bouncing all over the zoo in my white tennis shoes, with my energy level equal to a power plant. I was the one hauling Susan and Dante hither and yon, running to take a picture here, ooohing and ahhing at the lovely creatures, while they struggled to keep up. This year, Dante leaned on his cane, sweated, and begged for a chance to sit down. I graciously found places for him to sit and rest while Susan and I bounced around like both of us were 24 years old instead of just Susan. We got him cool drinks and held his place in line while he limped off to rest or smoke. The zoo is smoke free, so he took only one smoke break out on a dock on the Trout River. Susan and I yanked the camera out of each others' hands to take pictures whenever we saw a great shot, depending on who had the best angle. We finally had to leave because DH would get off work soon, so we missed the Australian/African portion, but we did stop long enough for a quick visit to Stingray Bay to pet a stingray. :crying: You can see my pictures in this album: http://s516.photobucket.com/albums/u323/voiceomt2002/Home%20and%20Family/ I'm proud that I was the one who walked and didn't get tired, didn't blow my diet, and enjoyed myself. Next time, I think I'll take DH for a romantic stroll. He can keep up with me. (Big Grin)

October 29, 2009

5

Two Days before Surgery

Okay, I have to say it. While I don't like this liquid diet, I'm not a puddle of starving tears like I thought I'd be by now. Yes, I'm hungry. I locked myself in here while my DH and roomie indulged in Philly Cheesesteak sandwiches and leftover baked gingerbread. The smell alone was driving me nuts. Maintaining self-control isn't easy. I'm calmly sipping my bouillion in isolation and distracting myself with work. I think I've done very well. Even the Lovanox shot in my belly wasn't as bad as I feared. Yes, it stung. Ironically, the sting of the fluid dissipating through my body for the next two hours was worse. I wasn't happy, but I'm okay. I think I'll even be able to remain cool and collected when I get the second shot tomorrow. Best of all was a phone call from Dr. Baptista himself today. I nearly fainted when I heard his distinctive voice and accent. After reviewing my medical records and consulting with the anesthesia department of the hospital, he's changed his mind. With my permission, he's ordered a PIC line after all. So, I have to go extra early on Friday morning so they have time to insert the line. I'm okay with that, especially since he took the time to call. What a sweetie! Lena

January 1, 2009

2

Two Days After Banding

Well, here I am, back in my own little home office. Things didn't go quite as I envisioned them, but I'm pleased to say I'm very happy with the results. I went in hungry and darn near whimpering with a growling belly. I came out with no wish to eat at all. None. Zip. Nada. I have to force myself to look at bouillion, Jello, and popsicles. :thumbup: They kind of turn me off. Whether that's from eating them for nearly a week, or lack of appetite, I can't say. Conversely, food still smells great. My roomie Dante cooked one of my chicken recipes last night, and I supervised (more or less). I got a splash of the sauce on my thumb, licked it out of habit, and that was enough. I didn't want any more, just that taste. He did a decent job. I wandered out in the living room with another cup of tea, totally disinterested while my two men acted like starving wolves over a carcass. :thumbdown: Admittedly, I tire easily. This is to be expected. I did just have abdominal surgery, after all. Long as I take my Gas-X to get rid of the lingering gas pains, I'll be fine. I feel a bit jet-propelled already, but my shoulder still hurts now and then. Best to stay on top of it. Other than that, I need only Liquid Tylenol. Not bad at all. I'll keep you informed as I can. Lena

January 4, 2009

3

Today's the Day

In one hour my husband's alarm will go off and I'll take a quick shower while he and our roomie enjoy their coffee. I don't begrudge them the java, but I do wish I could have some. Then we'll all three drive across town to the hospital. Thanks to the call from my surgeon, I know I'll report to have a PIC line (sp) installed. Maybe they'll put the Heparin in through that, maybe I'll have to endure another shot in my belly. I keep chanting to myself, "You can do this. You've been through so much to get this far. One more day. You can do this..." I'm exercising every bit of self-control I've ever had to proverbially put one foot in front of the other and smile like nothing's bothering me despite the hunger of two days without solid food and a raging thirst. Amazing how pre-surgery nerves can turn even a strong-minded person like me into a internally gibbering wreck. I'm keeping my eye on the prize-- the picture of me I'm using here. I weighed about 175 when that was taken. I want to look like that again. I will lose the weight that has dragged me down for fifteen years and destroyed my health. I'm even better now than I was then. I've quit smoking, achieved my dream of being published, and I have a lovely home in Florida. The only thing holding me back has been my weight and the health issues it brought with it. Will things be champagne and caviar after surgery? I hope not. Can't stand the stuff for one thing. (grin) No, but I won't have the anchor of ill health holding me down. I'll still be here in my little home office, typing out stories to entertain and amuse for as long as my muse stays. But, maybe once in awhile I'll go scuba diving again and not be afraid to be seen in a bathing suit. That would be nice. Lena

January 2, 2009

3

Timesaver Mushy Recipe Part Two- Chicken Salad

I'm going to assume you read yesterday's post about the chicken, and you now have in front of you the meat you liberated from the bones. Meal #1 was the Roast Chicken. These are the leftovers and meat removed from the carcass frame and stored while you made Chicken Broth from the bones. Time for a meal from those scraps you almost threw away. I recommend not bothering with a tomato cup or lettuce leaves when on the mushie stage, unless you feel like the extra work. Certainly I did indeed enjoy my chicken salad rolled up in a romaine lettuce leaf and consumed in a similar way to a burrito, but the choice is entirely up to you. Okay! Tomorrow, we'll make the ubiquitous soup that shows up in almost every casserole in America-- Cream of Mushroom (or several other cooked veggies.) To save yourself time and trouble, I suggest you do a fast inventory of the fridge. Any leftover cooked veggies hanging around? I found two-cup container filled with broccoli! What'd you find?

March 3, 2009

5

TimeSaver Mushy Recipe Part Three- Cream of Vegetable Soup

I assume you did read the previous posts and you now have your cooked veggie collection in front of you. I happen to have 2 cups of cooked broccoli. I had two cups leftover from a previous meal, plus a bag in the freezer. I chose to use the leftovers. No matter what, you need two cups of the cooked veggie. I also thawed out my chicken broth I made the other day. I had measured out 10 oz in each container, so I have a little store-bought chicken broth leftover from a previous recipe to augment the homemade to make the necessary amount called for in the recipe. Next time, I'll know to freeze about 12 ounces, not 10. Okay, so I'm not perfect. LOL! Now I can just follow the recipe below: Before serving, I ladled 10 oz into a storage container and labeled it carefully. I stowed it in the freezer. The rest, I'll serve tonight with a sandwich on the side for Dante. I'll have a spinach salad. You might want to make up a Cream of Mushroom Soup recipe. It's the most used recipe in casseroles. It'll keep up to six months in the freezer, and it's a darn sight better than all those calories, carbs, sodium and preservatives in the cans of condensed cream of whatever soups you buy in the store. Tastier, too. Note: I highly recommend using cream or half-and-half for this recipe. Milk is just too weak. A pinch of salt also helps. Go ahead and put it in a mug. If you love it like I did, you'll slug it down. If you need a hand knowing what veggie and what seasoning, here's a link to my chart: http://s516.photobucket.com/albums/u323/voiceomt2002/Recipes/?action=view&current=CreamofVegetableSoup2.jpg The chart is also where I put the calories and carbs for each veggie soup. I'll post some more soups over the next few days for those who still need mushies.

March 4, 2009

5

TimeSaver Mushy Recipe Part One- Basic Chicken Broth

Have you ever bought one of those already seasoned and ready to roast birds from the grocery store? Or better yet, one of the already roasted birds? I highly recommend starting this three-part series that way, depending on your personal confidence levels. You absolutely could roast your own chicken, and for those willing to do so, please feel free. I did, but there's no shame in letting someone else do the work. For the purposes of this series, it doesn't matter how you ended up with a "frame" of a chicken, meat removed and leftovers stored for future consumption. We'll use that lovely meat tomorrow. Now, you could be wasteful and throw away that frame of bones, but you're foregoing a very tasty opportunity for two more meals from those bones and tattered remains. You see, those bones contain a very essential ingredient called collagen. It's a thickener for soups! You know it. You've seen that disgusting jelled substance on cooled plates just before you threw it out with the garbage. That was the collagen. You have on that counter the ability to make your own "Condensed Cream of" soups for your recipes. Incidentally, you eliminate quite a bit of the excess carbs, calories, preservatives and sodium. How do you know when you've cooked out all the collagen from the bones? They'll practically crumble when you try to break them. The fact that you can break a leg bone all by yourself is a clue you've gotten all the condensing collagen out. Remember, you can use the frame in place of the bony meat in the recipe. Here's the recipe: Tomorrow, I'll post the recipe for using that chicken meat. It's mushy enough for Chicken Salad! Remember! This is the basis for many recipes. Freeze it in about 10 ounce increments. You should end up with about 4 containers. Double the batch if you like, and add el cheapo chicken wings if you just need broth. See you tomorrow!

March 2, 2009

6

The Tension Eases Slightly

DH and I went to one of those "We Buy Houses" guys yesterday. While Patrick declined to touch our house, he did it for the right reason-- we don't need him right now. Patrick assured us that the mortgage company will call eventually, and they will likely make a deal that will allow us to keep our home. It's just likely to take awhile. He said the sheer number of foreclosures happening dictates the mortgage companies are willing to work with anyone who'll talk to them despite the embarrassment. Besides that, the volume of foreclosures mean it can take more than a year to complete the process! If Randy takes a year to find a job, then we may as well hang it up. We don't need much in the way of income. A mere $1600 a month would guarantee we could stay here and still eat. Randy and I took a few hours to digest the information and numbers Patrick gave us and decided to take his advice. We relaxed and vowed to not be so hard on ourselves. Good thing, too. The coffee pot blew up last night. LOL!

May 23, 2009

2

The Sweet Spot of Success

While my personal life is still a bit of a mess with DH still out of work, I finally stopped stress eating. My daughter has provided all the buddy system I needed, and I've begun to drop weight again. It's been funny. The jeans I loved and carefully altered to fit me at my top weight dropped off my butt a month ago. LOL! They now reside on my sewing table, sans the added material, waiting for tailoring to my new size. As of this morning, I weight 228 lbs, a size I've not seen in over ten years. I've lost almost 60 lbs in six months! Despite minor health issues left over from carrying around all that bulk for so many years, I'm fit as a fiddle. I don't think about walking around a grocery store whereas once it was an onerous and painful journey just to buy groceries. Do I have skin batwings on my arms and resemble a Shar Pei puppy? You betcha! I'll have to get pictures of my garden, once the heat advisory here in Florida breaks. For now, it's Father's Day. We're having Jambalaya, and I have no worries. (No, I won't eat the rice! LOL!) Yes, after I've checked out this new recipe and made bandster adjustments, I'll post it. Lena

June 21, 2009

7

The Sauce that Makes it All Slide Down-- Part Two

Okay, the previously posted recipe was only part of the blog, but once I'd added it, the darn thing wouldn't let me type my comments below. I'm big on sauces because I need them to swallow many meats. Even the softest and smallest can cause me a bit of distress, so a sauce smooths the way and keeps me from insulting the host or embarrassing myself. (Nothing like throwing up your own cooking to impress the guests, right?) The White Sauce and its variations are a large part of my secret recipes, but there are tricks. 1. Use Wondra Flour when you can get it. This flour is ground extra fine and is made for use in sauces and gravies. Yes, you can use regular AP flour, but you're risking lumps. Do yourself a favor and sift the AP flour first. 2. Use a whisk to stir the flour and butter together, then slowwwwly whisk in the milk and other ingredients. 3. Don't turn your back on this recipe, not for a second. Line up your ingredients and measure them out before you start melting that butter so you can grab and dump with one hand while whisking with the other. 4. Note that I added the calories and carbs to the side and underlined what dish goes with what sauce. 5. Frankly, the cheese sauce goes in any dish where you might use cheese, and the cheese can be varied out for different flavors. Shredded Cheddar is the most common, but shredded swiss is marvelous over Spam and frozen mixed veggies for a fast meal on the cheap. 6. Use Creole Seasoning (like Tony Chachere's) in place of the chili powder in the Mexicali Sauce for a nice Cajun flavor. Add bell peppers, onions, and celery to the beef, pork, chicken, and/or shrimp, and you have a meal for no trouble! Play with your sauce once you're comfy. You'll love how you can make anything tasty! My fussy "I hate broccoli" DH swears I could put these sauces over a brick and he'd eat it.

May 4, 2009

3

The Sauce that Makes it All Slide Down-- Part One

May 4, 2009

1

The Moment When I Hit Bottom

A friend (Thanks, BG) just mentioned on her blog that Moment in time when she hit bottom and realized she needed weight loss surgery. I had that moment when I hit the rocks at the bottom of a very long fall off a cliff. Sure, there'd been times when I saw the jagged rocks below and tried to stop myself, but the slow-motion downward spiral was inexorable. I was going to spatter, I just didn't know when. The day finally came when I realized I'd begun to stick a finger down my throat at odd times, hoping to --I can't believe I'm saying this now-- make myself into a bulimic. Was that a sick plan, or what? You know you've hit bottom when you would prefer to have a life-threatening mental condition rather than live as you are now. I would throw up any time I could find time and privacy, just hoping I'd either lose weight or maybe at least get to need to do it. Maybe there should be a new mental illness with a long name that means, "being desperate enough to wish you had X, Y, or Z illness." When did you hit bottom?

March 8, 2009

4

The Last NSV?

I've just returned from my monthly visit with Dr. Baptista, whom I still adore. However, I finally realized I don't care what my weight is anymore. I'm losing weight, though it comes off in about 5 lb increments. I'm wearing size 18, down from size 26, jeans. I'm wearing a 38B bra. I mowed our 3/4 acre lawn a couple weeks ago. I've not gone to the beach yet, but that's in my future when warm weather returns. The biggest change is in my head. I'm no longer obsessed with food, or my diet, other than watching what I eat so I don't throw up and waste food. It's just fuel so I can get back to the business of living. I never thought I'd say that. This year, I don't care if there's candy in the stores. The thought of eating the whole bag like I did on a previous Halloween isn't there. I don't want it. It's the non-food stuff I care about now. Gee, the grandchildren are going to need new warm pajamas. I'd better go make them some. Let's carve the polyurethane foam pumpkins and string some spooky orange lights! Gee, my DH is so tired on weekends. I'd better go mow the yard and mulch that flowerbed. We're going dancing on Thursday night? Super! Where are my shoes? Food? Uh, no thanks. Not hungry. No really, no thanks. Want to go for a Ghost Walk?

October 19, 2009

4

The Economy Hits Home--One Month Later

Things have gone from bad to worse here. My poor DH has recovered from whatever illness got him on the trip home. After two weeks of flu-like symptoms and a trip to the doctor's, he's been looking for work like a fiend with no success in sight. No one will give a trucker with less than a year of experience a chance, especially not in this economy. The local want ads are full of truckers --both experienced and men like my DH-- begging for any trucking job they can get. My DH has applied for any job he can do, even forklift driver and warehouse worker. He's called and applied at every temp agency that will talk to him. They all say the same-- "Don't call us. We'll call you if we have anything." I guess he'll be applying at McDonald's next. I'm down to 237 lbs as of this morning, and I had a recent fill that's put me darn close to the sweet spot. Guess it's a good thing I'm not eating. There's not much food or hope left, here. I think we're going to lose the house. I can't remember the last time I slept a straight eight.

April 17, 2009

2

The Economy Hits Home--Job Loss

My husband called from California. He's been let go from the trucking company and they're sending him home by bus. Nice, huh? All the way across the country for 2.5 days, devastated by the loss. Needless to say, I'll be a bit distracted this weekend. Don't know when I'll be back. Yeah, I know. The world might just stop revolving without me to spin it. (grin)

March 20, 2009

3

The Economy Hits Home--An Update

Well, DH made it home, but not without problems. Within 24 hours of his return, he was burning up with a fever. Today is the first day he awakened and said he felt better. (Relieved sigh) Now maybe he can look for a new job. I love him very, very much. Seeing him walk through that bus terminal door made my heart burst right out of my chest, plop to the floor and roll to his feet. Scruffy, sleep-deprived, and stinking from riding a bus for 2.5 days, he was still my gorgeous darling. Yeah, I'm seriously besotted with my grumpy old man. However, our savings had already been severely depleted by our purchase last year of this lovely house we live in. I'd not been able to replenish most of the money, though I managed about a month's worth of stockpile before the budget goes belly up. One month to find a job before disaster. I'm looking at the month of April with desperation. I'm lighting candles and praying to that he'll find work quickly. We don't need much. A mere $1200 a month net is all we need to make ends meet. This is also a disaster for my weight loss. My DH is a carb hound who can afford to eat rice, potatoes, bread, cakes, sweets, and starchy vegetables. The man is so thin, it's scary. My new low-carb life is impossible for him to maintain. He's positive he'll starve. (grin) So, I'm baking and cooking just like I used to before my band, and there's fudge in the fridge, chili in the crock pot, and the remains of Monkey Bread on the counter. I can resist anything but temptation, and having the Monkey Bread on the counter was too much for me yesterday. I sliced off some and hunkered down like a child stealing cookies. Less than five minutes into it, my band made me pay dearly for my naughtiness. Umm...I never want to look at Monkey Bread again. Blech! That HURT. A lot. I'm a stress eater, and right now I'm very, very grateful for my band. I can only do so much damage before my band reminds me forcefully that I'm not allowed that much self-indulgence. Today, instead of eating and worrying, I think I'll update my own resume. I may be a disabled old woman, but maybe I can sweep floors or something.

March 26, 2009

1

The Bear I Made For Selena

For those who didn't see the blog, my assistant Selena had a teddy bear I'd made her. She gave away that bear to an autistic child going into the hospital. Here is the replacement bear I'll send. I've named it, "A Pearl Beyond Price" because that's what Selena is, and not only to me.

February 21, 2009

3

That Which Doesn't Kill Us Makes Us Stronger

It's been a stressful two months with my husband out of work. We saw financial ruin at every turn and panicked daily at 3 AM. I'm a stress eater, and for awhile there I tested my band and hovered at gaining weight despite a band with close to 9 cc's in it. I gained and lost, adding more unnecessary stress to my life. Even when I thought I was watching my carbs, I refused to keep a food log. I truly believed I was limiting my stress by allowing myself some freedom. (Self-delusion time! Call me Cleopatra, Queen of Denial!) This weekend, I decided “enough is enough” and went back to my doctor's advice about keeping a food log. Immediately, I got results. The two pounds I'd gained dropped off me, and I was shocked to discover I once again –quite deservedly, I might add!-- had to go through with withdrawal from my carb addiction. I'm now back on track and less than one pound away from where I was when all my troubles and stress began. I now know the value of my food log and I will not stray away from it again. Someday, perhaps in the not-so-distant future, I'll be able to maintain a decent weight without logging every morsel I put in my mouth, or perhaps occasionally forgiving myself for a slice of birthday cake on my birthday. But today is not that day, and I love my smaller body size and healthier lifestyle too much to consider a quick stroke of a pen a hardship.

May 24, 2009

5

Suddenly Human

Dante and I were invited to go to a musical at the theatre the other night. Since I've lost well over 40 pounds already, and can wear my pretty evening clothes again, I was thrilled...and nervous. I hadn't been in public much for the past several years, other than conventions where I was surrounded by other women similar to myself. Last time, I was nearly 300 pounds, brunette going gray, and in such poor health, I walked with a cane. The other night I stepped out as an overweight but healthy blonde wearing a cool outfit, makeup, and had the ability to not just walk unaided, but step lively. Imagine my surprise when, instead of being ignored or treated like an invalid, I was greeted and smiled at like a real person. Several folks complimented me on my clothes, hair, and jewelry. I was...suddenly human. Weird. Hadn't I always been?

March 8, 2009

7

Stress Management Solutions-- Part Two

Sometimes, there are solutions to stress right under your nose. Just a day before my DH called to tell me he'd lost his job, I signed up for a "Learn to Quilt" class from the local quilting guild. At first, going to classes when my DH was home with no job seemed frivolous and even selfish. However, I've found a certain peace and satisfaction in this art form. Funny thing is, it ties in with my losing weight. Last summer, while I waited to visit the surgeon and jumped through all the hoops like a circus poodle, I was also humiliated to find myself making clothes in a size larger than the pattern companies made. I had to "size up" from their largest, creating a pair of pants that were grotesquely huge. In despair, I never finished those pants. I was too mortified. The other day, I found those pants buried under the piles of cloth I made teddy bears out of for my grandchildren. I laughed and cut those pants into 6" charm squares for a quilt. Then I looked at my closet door. Hmmm! I have clothes in there that cannot be re-tailored down, but the memories of the "fat girl" events they represent should never be forgotten. I now have a pile of clothes to be cut down into a memory quilt of charm squares and black rails, since many of those clothes were black (or matched black) because I honestly believed black was slimming. No, I just looked like a black beach ball. I'll finish the pretty new blue quilt I'm learning on within the month. Then, I think I'll start on my memory quilt. Maybe I'll use it as a visual aid when I write "No Fat Chicks" this fall. Lena

May 19, 2009

2

Stress Management Solutions-- Part One

In an earlier blog, I ranted a bit about some of my stresses. This weekend, I found the solution to two of my issues and relinquished worry about a third. I'll talk a bit about #3, then #1. Number #2 is for tomorrow. #3-- I've relinquished worry about my the possibility of losing my house. Let's face it, we were risking a lot when we bought it, and it did put us in the financial position of rarely having money for extras or emergencies. DH and Dante constantly fuss about whose turn it is to mow the lawn until I'm ready to bash their heads together. While we don't need the hit on our credit, I think visiting the "We Buy Houses" guy a couple miles from here just might be the very thing to lower my stress. After all, there are just some things that are malignant and best treated like surgery--just get it removed as quickly as possible. #1-- One of my stresses was also having the guys right behind me in the office when I tried to write. I'm one of those writers who must be completely alone and concentrating in the zone to get the job done. We finally moved the gaming computer into my bedroom, separating the computers and giving me a man-free space to write. The only things in here besides my computer are my grandmother's antique secretaire I use for bills and household work, and my beloved antique vanity I use as a sewing table. Now, it's blissfully quiet in here. No more bangs and explosions as masculine aggression is focused on killing tiny pixels on the screen. Ahhh!

May 18, 2009

5

Stress Management and Emotional Eating

When I first began my journey toward having a LapBand, I was told an odd fact: a fair percentage of bandsters often end up with other issues such as alcoholism. I thought that rather odd, and considered myself very well-adjusted. I couldn't imagine developing such a horrible problem back then. I can now. What's more, I now understand why. I'm a stress eater. When I get under stress, I run to the refrigerator, not a bottle. That is, I did until I was banded. While I can still swallow those naughty treats, I don't keep many around anymore. Even ice cream, which slides past my band like it wasn't even there isn't available as much anymore, long as I avoid temptation while in the grocery store. But where does that leave me when under stress? I don't smoke. I can't eat sweets and junk because I don't keep them around the house. Booze? Yes, it's here. I keep a small stock for cooking. Now I can see how some bandsters, deprived of their usual comforts when under stress, turn to booze. Oh, yeah. I have to admit, thanks to recent events here at home, I've had a few glasses of wine and actually considered going for the (yuk!) bourbon. I hate bourbon. But I was desperate for any tranquilizing feel-good effects. Okay, so clearly that's why my doctor has a shrink on staff. She may spot potential issues like OCD, or stress management issues long before they become irrepairable. I can see that now. Scary. Very scary. The trick has been to find new methods of calming down. Walking has worked. Working, like cleaning house, helped. Doing my crafts rather obsessively has helped. Finding a job that got me out of the house has helped. It's the little things.

May 8, 2009

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Stop Dressing Like a Fat Woman?

“Lena, stop dressing like a fat woman!” Those were the words of my co-workers and fellow teachers at JoAnn’s Fabrics this past weekend. My only pair of new size 18 jeans were dirty, so I’d thrown on my old size 24 black jeans, a nice shirt, and my favorite black butterfly brocade jacket. I thought I looked pretty snazzy, even if my jeans were held up by my belt. Apparently, I was wrong. The two sewing instructors insisted on giving me a detailed analysis of how I need to cut down my clothes and re-tailor them to fit. Moreover, my lovely butterfly jacket is “only something fat women wear to hide their rolls of flesh.” (Oh, dear. Ummm...I love that jacket.) Guess this means I’d better pull out some of my patterns and make myself some new clothes or my co-workers may just rip my clothes off my body next meeting! EEEK! Still, what they said bugs me. Do I dress like a fat woman? What does a fat woman dress like?

November 9, 2009

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