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Problems with my son

:thumbup: Friday night I was woken up by the police slamming on my door. The son was too loud and someone--one of his dumb "friends" was running up and down the street with a loud car. I let them in his room to talk to him about it.   they hauled my son out of my own house to jail. This is not the first time. Things were just looking up for him, he is graduating from college, got a job part time for the first time in a long time. Not a great job but a job anyway. And now this. We will make him pay us back but we are out $2-3000 for lawyers and such. We have spent so much on them already. But from what we have seen he cannot go to court without one. Why am I writing this? Meanwhile I am supposed to be watching what I am eating. I could have ate a gallon of chocolate yesterday for sure. My husband who is thin got sick and could not eat. I get the opposite when upset. I guess my point is that there are a lot more things going on than just why am I not eating what I should? There are lots of problems and it is so hard. I have done really well not going crazy. Luckily I have several Lo cal things that are sweet that are helping. I still have exercised and yesterday a big walk. I just am not not losing. I am so stuck where I am since November. The fill I got has affected me a little bit but just is not doing the job. I am in my 11th month here. I just need that little boost --- something needs to go right! I guess that is it tonite blog. When will this kid change? Why can't he see that his friends are using him and now using us and that we are the only ones who have ever really supported and cared about him?? I don't feel like a good week is coming up. I will keep trying but keeping my attitude and chin up about all this weight stuff is just getting to be too hard. I don't have diet cokes anymore, and why? I am not losing, it is not helping? I don't eat any bread when eating out at all. I bring half my food home. And for WHAT!? This is tough....God please give me a break soon. :sad:
BioTeacher

BioTeacher

1
 

Been a long time!

Wow I have not been on here since August. I wish I could say I was a lot thinner. I am not. I did get a new doc and had my band adjusted. I found I had about 2ml less that was thought. Then I had a lot put in and it is now pretty tight. I still turn to bad foods when stressed. I have so little time for myself. I guess I should be happy that I have lost 35 lbs. and kept it off for over a year. It is just that I have about 60 more I need to lose and it is just not happening. I wish I could figure it out. My band is tight now. Sometimes things get stuck when I first start eating and I have to go to the restroom and unclog it. Then I am fine. No way do I need more in. So I cannot blame that. I do quit eating, I don't eat much. Sometimes I do turn to bad stuff but not excessively. I just have to eat so close to nothing....sometimes stringy meat gets stuck. So as I am trying to eat my meat first I cannot. I hurt my ankle in October and that really slowed me down, now it was better and I rolled it walking the dog just yesterday so Here I go again with less activity. I know I should write down what I eat or log it somewhere but I just HATE it. I cannot get myself to do it. Maybe just every other day?? try it. UGH UGH If I had lost even 3-5 lbs a month I would be so good now. Even from Sept when the adjustment was made. I have lost nothing. Thought I had some thing going lost 9 then gained 6 back. I am so swamped with school I have no time for myself and I do not know what the answer to that is. Have searched and searched. Well gotta go to bed. I forgot how cathartic it is to blog here. :confused:
BioTeacher

BioTeacher

1
 

One day back to "post-op" down!

Well I made it pretty well. did not get hungry until about 12:30PM. At that time I had some leftover meatloaf that I had made from 93/7 sirloin. I truly had about 1/2 cup to 3/4 c. That lasted about an hour and a half. Then I had a protein shake. I am using an instant breakfast (sugar free), 2 c. 1% milk and a BUNCH of ice cubes--I bet there are 25 of them. Then I blend it up. It makes a huge cup of stuff and about 1/2 of or more is crushed up ice. Takes me a while to eat/drink it! Then I did have about 10 almonds later. Then at dinner I had about 1 cup of some taco meat stuff with a little cheese on it. Then now about 10:30 with some hunger I had another shake. Now I am going to bed. That should be a pretty good day there. Also worked out with weights about 45 min, then 15 on treadmill. then tonite about 25 min more with dog walking. Got in some just plain water around some of that too. That is a pretty good day. Trying to just be really restrictive on what I eat and do at least a modified version of the post-op diet I used for awhile there. I really lost a lot then too. I was really only hungry this morning finally and a little bit tonite so all is well there. I hope this helps. I am looking at my ONE YEAR check up next week and am sure facing a gain of a couple lbs. more. Gee. Hope this will at least stop that! My daughter got jilted by a bf of over three years just on the phone just like that. It is amazing how hard it has been on her and on me. I am trying to listen and she has quit sobbing all the time. It makes me sad too that this kid was so mean to her. She has tried to figure out what happened, if there were signs she did not see. It just hurts me so much to see her in such pain. She is such a sweet person too and could not have cared about anyone more..... Say a few prayers that she heals up. Has said it was like someone just died all of a sudden but the bad difference is --He chose the "death" of just saying "I don't want to see you anymore!" Well wish me well on my continuation of the crazy diet as many and as much as I can..... :redface:
BioTeacher

BioTeacher

1
 

Thanks for the comments!

I just finished my talk with the office manager. I told her most of my concerns including my peripheral ones. But that my main problem is this LACK of what I feel is real restriction. She said: "don't set yourself up for emotional failure." Well maybe I am getting to that. Suggestion that I see the counselor more often and perhaps go to the emotional eating group. I think I would not be so emotional over this if it was WORKING! If I did all this and saw some results I would not be emotional like this! I told her I did not feel what they told me at the pre-op was what has happened since then as far as the restriction. I was surprised at the amounts I can eat of even GOOD things like lots of salad and how it does not feel too full hardly ever! I told her I think I need a more aggressive approach to this. Well, whatever... lots of successful people there and I am one of the few dumb not so successful ones. How did I get so lucky? How could I get this thing in there almost a year ago and be one of the ones who did not lose much?? Well, I tried. I guess now I will try to make many more changes and see if I can get my emotional self better here. Don't see how if I can't/aren't losing any weight. It all depends on getting the band to help me and I am doing all I can I think. She said to set small goals and reward myself for them. Well there are lots of them but they do not add up to that ONE thing. Getting the darn FAT off! Later, later....gotta do something ELSE besides think about how this is not working after a freakin' year! Maybe it is that year thing that is getting me so messed up or the fact that I have lost nothing only gained since November. I am off here.... :thumbup:
BioTeacher

BioTeacher

1
 

STill having trouble

:thumbup: I am about to go in next Monday with another month or 4 weeks of no weight loss. I have weighed the same since November 1st. I am scared that this is it. I cannot do this on my own. I have proven this over and over. I am craving sweets and am taking bites here and there and I know my dumb mind is letting me because I am NOT losing. this is my pattern. I will probably start to actually gain and will not stop until I do. I need SOMETHING to get started again. I exercise and walk just about every single day. Help, help help...
BioTeacher

BioTeacher

1
 

Terrible Vacation Pictures! UGH!

Just returned from being gone almost a week. I first was gone earlier in the month for four days on a trip with 3 sister in laws, mother in law, nieces. Did OK on that trip but that was the one where I threw up. Then a scant week or so later I went to visit relatives and stayed the weekend with them. Drove about 600 miles in three days. They never really had real meals, well we had two, I was afraid to ask for food so I ate my protein bars, pb crackers, etc. that I had brought with me. Some pretty strange eating. Then these last four days I went to Florida with my daughter and me only. On the beach. Well first of all the pictures. I hate, hate hate putting on a bathing suit anyway. I pretty much have refused to do it! Well I can sure see WHY. I look absolutely AWFUL in the pictures. Even those with clothes on! I just have this awful load of FAT right on my entire front portion. I have worked hard this summer on weights, walking and it sure looks like I have made absolutely no progress at all! UGH! It just looks so awful. I just cannot get this going again. Then I did not do really well on the eating on this last trip. Not that I had a lot or really bad just not good. I am sitting here now feeling terrible about how I look in those pictures and very full and FAT!. And then I get to go in MONDAY and weigh in for my appt. I am going to gain. I feel it coming. I think I will try really hard to get a handle on things and be very strict the next three days maybe even using a protein shake once a day. Right now I just feel like a huge pig and those pictures really showed it. I just want to look NORMAL! Not even thin, just a normal person who, when I look at a picture does not make me cringe! Ugh Ugh.... I will get back at the exercising tomorrow but I have got to find something to get this scale and my weight moving DOWN! I am so discouraged.... hmmmm.... Also I found out that we have such large class sizes. I will have more students than I have EVER had in my teaching career! I cannot hardly handle what I have had before. I am up at night doing papers, working all day on Sunday, just exhausted by the time I get any dinner done and cleaned up, then papers....how can I possibly do more than ever? I am more tired and slower as I have gotten older. YIKES! If I had some more weight off I would feel that more energy! But once this merry-go -round begins I will once again NOT take care of myself. I will be lucky to get my other stuff done. And then here I go again eating and not taking care....I see it coming a mile away. Much less making any progress toward losing MORE! I will have at least 30 in all classes and with six that means 180 students with papers to grade with good quality? hmmm. Plus I am teaching a high level class now that requires more even. One thing I NEED To do is to dump off my extracurricular assignment. It takes up way too much time. I guess I will see how it goes. But based on past years I think I know. NO sleep, won't eat right, exercise will dwindle to nothing, and there I will be fatter than ever. Scary and tiring to even think about. I know I am LUCKY to even have such a good job--many people don't but it is really getting to me. But when I was off this summer I tried really hard to get this weight going and look where I am. Right where I was. Still looking FAT and awful. Sorry if you are reading this and it is bringing you down. Just get off now! I need to vent but I do not know HOW to get going and get out of this mess! Help!!!!!
BioTeacher

BioTeacher

1
 

Made it through the week!

Well we got school started. So many, many kids. 30+ in every class. My room is full of kids. But they seem like good kids so far so that is encouraging. As I thought I was exhausted. Did not leave there til 5pm so I worked 10 hour days. Then an hour at night. I did not do my weights til today. But I did them today. I think I can do them a couple times this week we will see. Went a a support group monthly meeting. We watched a video about fat people and how they are treated. Then we had little breakout talks. All four other people with me had had a roux-en-y. And they were all doing great. Losing weight like crazy. A couple were only a few weeks out. My little 35 pounds in 13 months did not sound too hot. I told them be glad they had that surgery. Not really sure if the support group is good for me or not. I just try to be quiet and take it all in. However, afterwards we met in our little Yahoo group and that part was good. Even though I vented really hard on there and thought I shouldn't have they were really supportive and said to go ahead and we should be able to say whatever we want because it is OUR group! The dietician though very nice--it is not her group to run and we were not sure why she is now trying to run it. Anyway. My eating was erratic. AT times good then I would be really tired at the end of the day and eat a little candy! Good grief. I have not been eating that stuff. So I went to the store and got some fat free double chocolate pudding. I figure I can eat two of those or even three if I am feeling a real chocolate need and that would be better than candy for gosh sakes! Using a shake in the morning. Also eating yogurt at about 1030 then lunch tuna if time. Anyway. I feel good after getting some sleep. Still only getting about 6-7 hours. Once I get the 8 on Saturday I am much better. If I am tired I eat, it is just something in there. And I want creamy and chocolate. Is that weird or what?? I would have to go to bed at 10 or earlier and I just cannot get that done. Well let's see how this goes. My angel goes back to college Wednesday and I am taking off to take her up there. Will be alot better this year than last. Man that was AWFUL last year! She has so many friends, a nice living room, and things are going her way. But now that her BF dumped her I know she won't be home much. She is my girl and I am gonna miss her lots. She will have her car too. Well, she is doing so well she deserves it but I will miss her after being together all summer. But she's gotta fly. So now I will just go do some crosswords. Laundry and ironing done, schoolwork tomorrow....ugh. I hope hope hope I get going on the losing. Still have not solved my doctor problem. I just don't know how to find another one. I have seen no reviews and heard nothing from anyone around here. Then you have your insurance fun....I don't go until October and I am liking that actually. That is bad. Well, more on that when it gets close. I am just putting it off I know. Later gater. :thumbup:
BioTeacher

BioTeacher

1
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