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Feeling a little bit--but struggling still!

:biggrin: Well I felt a little something today when I was trying to eat a small salad and some grilled chicken on it. I really slowed down and took it easy then brought most of the food home. Tonite I ate sparingly. I bet one of my biggest problems is eating too fast. I gotta slow down and chew, chew, chew... I have exercised over an hour like three of the four days this week and am going tomorrow too. I sure hope something starts happening because I had a pretty high weight this morning. I also think I am on the verge of or am in menopause. Wonder how that is affecting my system. But still I am feeling very tired and saw some small effects today that indicate that I am not quite all the way into it. That sure might explain why I am so tired and maybe holding some weight with that? Always an excuse! I am just trying to keep busy and eat protein if I feel empty. Today has been a good day and I am hoping this little bit of feeling I had today is some restriction finally. All I need is a little bit of help here and I might make it.
BioTeacher

BioTeacher

2
 

Can't Seem to Stop Gaiining!

I have been exercising a lot, watching the eating pretty well, etc. etc. I feel pretty good but the old fat right here on my front part is just not getting any smaller. In fact I get up to the highest weight since surgery last year. What the freakin' heck?? I feel like I am on a roller coaster that I cannot get off of. Right now I just want the gaining to stop! I am obviously eating/doing something very very wrong. The only think I can think is that I need to go back on my post surgery diet. Protein shakes and only eating 2-3 oz of anything. Problem is I am not at all sure I CAN do that again. I wrote down I was soooooo hungry and my stomach just hurt. I just do not know if I can force myself to do it. It really is almost impossible to have a somewhat normal life too. Eating out is awful. I remember we did not eat out at all. Now, is that bad? No but even though we don't eat out much there are times when we do and I do pretty well at those places. At least I thought so??? right now I am looking at a gain of 10 TEN pounds of my 40 I lost back. And it just keeps creeping UP! I must have some serious problems in my head I need to get straightened out. I will try to do some shakes and eat as little as possible. See if I can at least get this stopped!! YIKES!!!!!! :cool:
BioTeacher

BioTeacher

3
 

Been a long time!

Wow I have not been on here since August. I wish I could say I was a lot thinner. I am not. I did get a new doc and had my band adjusted. I found I had about 2ml less that was thought. Then I had a lot put in and it is now pretty tight. I still turn to bad foods when stressed. I have so little time for myself. I guess I should be happy that I have lost 35 lbs. and kept it off for over a year. It is just that I have about 60 more I need to lose and it is just not happening. I wish I could figure it out. My band is tight now. Sometimes things get stuck when I first start eating and I have to go to the restroom and unclog it. Then I am fine. No way do I need more in. So I cannot blame that. I do quit eating, I don't eat much. Sometimes I do turn to bad stuff but not excessively. I just have to eat so close to nothing....sometimes stringy meat gets stuck. So as I am trying to eat my meat first I cannot. I hurt my ankle in October and that really slowed me down, now it was better and I rolled it walking the dog just yesterday so Here I go again with less activity. I know I should write down what I eat or log it somewhere but I just HATE it. I cannot get myself to do it. Maybe just every other day?? try it. UGH UGH If I had lost even 3-5 lbs a month I would be so good now. Even from Sept when the adjustment was made. I have lost nothing. Thought I had some thing going lost 9 then gained 6 back. I am so swamped with school I have no time for myself and I do not know what the answer to that is. Have searched and searched. Well gotta go to bed. I forgot how cathartic it is to blog here. :confused:
BioTeacher

BioTeacher

1
 

Back from the office! Same lecture!

I eat too much! Well isn't that a big surprise! I again got the lecture that I am expecting something that the band will not give me. I got the question of what I thought 'RESTRICTION' was. Here is what I think: at the LEAST a little "tug" that says--I am full and I cannot really eat any more. The lecture I got says that if I actually FEEL something then I am filled TOO FULL in my band! I should not feel pain, sick, pressure, nothing! I should just eat my one cup of food that is mostly protein, then stop and not be hungry. That is what the band is doing for me. Hmmmmm..... I still say that is NOT what I was told before I did this band thing. I thought I heard them say that I would feel full to the point where I could not eat and would not want to. I have heard so many people here say this. I feel NOTHING! Very seldom if EVER do I feel anything. I can eat a lot of food ---be it good stuff--- and keep right on going. Somehow, someway I have to put the stops to my eating. Well gee, if I could do that I would not have gotten the stupid band!! Anyway, I got to see the dietician AGAIN too. I think I know what to eat. I have seen so many dieticians, so many many times.... But I tried to put on my cooperative face and listened and will try to do. It just isn't helping. Also I now have 7ml in a 9ml Realize band. Who would have thought almost a YEAR later I would still be fooling around with this and not be having much success?? I was pretty much told that this is about IT. I will not get anymore in my band?? How do they know it isn't just leaking out into my abdomen? How do they know there is not a hole in the tube or something and it is just leaking out?? It could be. Sure would help me to know yes or no so I would think I am not CRAZY!!?? Who would have thought?? Oh Oh you people out there who think this banding is the beginning of just getting the weight off almost automatically, BEWARE! Here I am with not too much success. I read about these people and their "Bandiversaries" and how excited they are to get surgery and I fear for them. I was there. And now I am here. Well, I am hoping this is the FILL where I finally GET IT! Please, please let the restriction COME in some form to HELP ME!!!!!!! I guess that is it Bloggie. Nice to kind of GET IT OUT!! :w00t:
BioTeacher

BioTeacher

3
 

Angry at the Band or the Doctor??

:mad2:   I went in yesterday. I am at 9 mos. postop now. Had a gain of 3 lbs. So again I have lost about 40 lbs. give or take. But NOTHING since November. I tried very hard to go in there very calmly and low key. The nurse AGAIN said she thought I had stretched my esophagus from repeatedly eating too much and the band was too restricted! What a JOKE! I have SELDOM if ever felt any restriction from this dumb band. They just do not believe me. She sent me for a barium swallow test to see. I went this morning. All looked FINE to me. And I felt that the band did not look like it restricted my stomach AT all. But I know the fill part is on the inside and cannot see it. But the top did not look restricted either. Anyway I then was sent to the dietician AGAIN. I lost it in there. She asked me if I was ANGRY and felt I had been CHEATED and I said YES!!!!! I was told I would feel SOMETHING that would give me a signal to quit eating when that upper part of my stomach was full. I have felt very very little if anything EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where is the restriction they promised in their pre-surgery HYPE!????! What a bunch of liars! I think they are getting the $$$$ and do not care about what I SAY I feel or do not feel. I have no control whatsoever about what is being done to me or NOT done to me. Why did I even get this stupid thing!?? IF I lose any weight it will NOT be because of the band. And I will be lucky if I can because I sure could not before so why could I now!? Right now I do not care WHAT they do--put some in, take it out, whatever!! I don't have any say in it so who gives a care!! I am just frustrated and upset about his beyond belief. I thought that this would just give me that little help I needed and I have gotten almost NOTHING as far as help with eating with this thing. So no more fills I guess, here I go on my own. My eyes are tearing up just thinking about this. what a waste of time. I cannot read about others who are successful because I hear that their doctors give them fills when they need it and listen to what they are struggling with. Great. I get the doctor's office that just does not care. That is it for today. yuck. :cursing::thumbdown:
BioTeacher

BioTeacher

11
 

After Christmas Blues

Well I don't get on here unless I need to pour it out and that I need to do. I saw my sister-in-law that had a rny about a year ago this time. She is a stick figure. She looks so great. It just makes me so sad. I have had this thing for almost 18 months. And here I sit. If I had lost even 5 pounds a month I would be down by 90 lbs! I have lost 35 and that was done by this time last year. And basically nothing since then. I really feel that I eat so much less than I did. I do not drink or eat caffeine, carbonated drinks. I exercise like a trouper. And here I am with this stupid band in me that is doing nothing for me. I guess I just do not have the self discipline needed with it. I needed the rny but I was not obese enough to qualify. So here I sit. Pity Party I know but gee. I just want to sit and watch TV and do nothing when I have plenty to do. House is a mess... I just want to cry. I just want to understand and make some progress. I can see her in my mind. What a shocker. She was so much heavier than me. And here I am.... It does not make me want to do more, it makes me want to just crawl in bed and stay. Well I better go. This isn't helping those of you with lots of hope! Just quit looking now and go back to hopeville. :drool:
BioTeacher

BioTeacher

3
 

3 year Bandiversary.....

I do not know what made me think of getting on here. Have not done so in almost two years! Wish I could say I had made a lot of progress since then. Have sure NOT. This three year thing is getting to me more than I thought it would. I have lost about 41 lbs. I need to lose about 50 more. Not a thing happening in that area. In fact, I was pretty stable but now it is creeping UP. I feel like I need to GRAB on the side of a cliff to stop this, but do not know how.   I exercise by brisk walking 1/2 hr. to an hour almost every single day. I eat as little as I can. I really do. Sometimes I fix a plate, end up only eating half of it. I am a terrible water drinker and I know that. I really do not think that is the thing that is causing this problem. I do not diary my foods. I just cannot get myself to do this. I know that would help. Otherwise, I am healthy. Good BP, Cholesterol OK, etc. Just cannot get this weight thing to work. I am feeling like trying Weight Watchers again. I even tried Alli. Gained on that last month. Does this sound like my same old same old routine?? Yup. But now I have the band to deal with too. I really think my metabolism just super adjusts. I only have half a thyroid due to a goiter. The other half now has three large finger like goiters. I take my meds there religiously. But I think the 2-3 times over the past three years I have really jolted my metabolism I got a bit off, and then my body adjusts. I have been to the endocrinologist. My TSH and TH levels are normal. So they say that is not it. I guess I do not do some of the things like journaling because I just do not feel they help. I have in the past...to no avail. Last time I went to WW I sat in the meetings week after week, following the program best I could, pretty well, and lost nothing while others did. It is pretty humiliating. So this time I will try at home....probably will not help. I go to the doc every four weeks, if the bariatric specialist does not know how to help me, then how am I supposed to figure this out?? I do feel better. I wear two to three sizes smaller. My clothes all fit from last summer, jeans go in dryer and still fit, etc. Lots of good things I guess. I am just TIRED of being this size. I am tired of doing the best I can, of trying to watch my amounts and keep moving. Just for nothing to happen or now to gain.   If you are new to the game, do NOT read this. I hope that everyone has the greatest success with their surgery! I have had some success. Just not what I wanted. Seems like I have had enough time to do some damage too. Just wish I could figure this out........not the best anniversary coming. up.......Thanks for listening....
BioTeacher

BioTeacher

8
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