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Ok so here I go! On my way to bandland...

Entries in this blog

 

Saying goodbye

14 days and counting..... The feelings I feel are so weird. I know this sounds stupid, but I almost feel like I'm in a prison and soon to be let free. Food rules my life right now, It is on my mind all the time. I am so scared for my DD, she is doing my old tricks. She says shes helping clean the kitchen by getting her brothers plates to the sink, and on the way she is eating the leftovers on their plate. She sneeks food, and is a true bordom eater. The difference between her and her brothers are night and day. The boys don't ack like they care about food at all. She thinks about food all day like I used to. I have noticed when The kids are playing outside all day she eats just a little, but when they are inside she ask for food alot more. We have to get out of this house and move our butts. Today we are going to ride bikes if it doesn't rain, if it does I am going to take them to mall so we can walk. I know they will beg for everything but at least its not food. I have high hopes for this surgery to makeover my entire family, including my dd. Maybe she will see the examples dh and I are setting and be able to follow them.   I am going to up my workout this week. Instead of one hour, I am shooting for 1 1/2 hours. 3 thirty min. intervals. This week I am doing a no fat diet to get my body and mind ready for this surgery. Even though I am not on a pre op diet I want my brain to begain the process of letting go of all this crap I put in my mouth. I have had so many last suppers, I think I am finally ready to say good bye to over eating and stuffing myself. I am ready to start loving my self again. :eek:       12:30- 30 mins on cross trainer.
JMO

JMO

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ouch......

I over did it tonight. I am hurting real bad right now. I am so full. I hate it when I do this, granted this was a third of what I use to eat, but I knew I was full but kept going. Now I am paying for it. ughhhhhhh.. I haven't even had this thing two full weeks yet and here I am messing up all ready. I am starting a new week in the morning and determined to lose 5 lbs next week. I am going to work out everyday.!!!!!!
JMO

JMO

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OHHHHH MY GOSH

I am so freaken sore this morning. I jumped out of bed and was like WTH? My arms are like jello and my legs are stiff. lol But boy do I feel good about feeling so bad, that means I worked my body good..... Today I am doing 45min. on the cross trainer before I take the kids swiming. And 45 mins tonight. I would swim laps but I am not allowed to get in the pool for another week due to the GB surgery. That sucks because my incisions are healed and its going to hot as heck. But at least I can work on my tan... lol No weights today but stomach crunches are in.... 150   I am counting the days (14days) till I am in bandland and I am not struggling so much with amounts of food. I am not on a pre op diet but am doing very low fat. I would love to be under 300 before my surgery. We will see....   cross trainer 11:00 45 mins..AM Crunches 150 leg lifts 50 pushups 15(got five more in today) cross trainer 7:00 45mins... PM DD- Did 15 mins on cross trainer, 28 crunches, 28 legs lfts, and 28 somewhat pushups.. she had fun breaking a sweat with Mom, then she went swiming for 2 1/2 hours and did not but run and jump in then swim to side, run and jump in then swim to side.. ect...) I got a nice BURN!! p.s. DD did 10 mins on cross trainer yesterday, I am hoping she will do it today too....
JMO

JMO

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My Dh is scheduled!!!!!!

The 22nd of aug. is the BIG day for my Big guy.. I am so thrilled that we are going to do this TOGETHER! I so happy.... My dh is nervous, but I will be there to hold his hand. I didn't work out today because I was running around everywhere getting everyone ready for school. I can't beleive my baby girl is going to kindergarden. I am so excited but yet a little sad. She can't wait till it starts. I ate 3 chicken nuggets from burger king today for lunch because i could think of nothing else they sold that i could eat easier.. The kids were so good while we were running around so I took them there to play. I was hungry so I ate their food. I just chewed really really really well. It all went well so that was good.
JMO

JMO

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monday

I am having such a hard time right now dealing with my BF. We have just grown apart, and I am so lonly. She has been the person I told everything to, I relyed on her for support and a shoulder to cry on. We went from talking four to five times a day to now talking maybe two or three times a week. I am fine with the fact her and I are not being so close because she has changed in a way that I don't care to be around, but its hard for me because I don't feel like I have anyone to cry on. She is now drinking on a daily basis, and has changed her attitude about how a lady should act. I don't see anything wrong with drinking a beer here and there, but damn, when you have three kids and you have a get together and get tore up in front of the kids, thats just sad. I am scared for her, her father is a drunk and she is turning into him. (I can't believe I just said that)   Ok, on to a better subject, I am so excited about my band. I have 1 month to wait. I feel like my life is fixen to start, I did get my bike out and rode around the block 4 times. I was so proud of myself, but dang I was hurting. My legs felt like mush after all the hills that are in my neighborhood. But I did it, I need to ride around the block and check the distance in my car. Today I am doing the cross trainer in my room. I am shooting for one hour but we will see how long my legs hold out....
JMO

JMO

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measurements!!!

Ok so I did my measurements about 3 months ago and now I CAN"T FIND THEM dangit!! So I am posting them so I will never lose them.... I can't wait to compare them in a month!!!     waist 54' thigh 30' calf 15 1/2 arm 15 1/2 neck 18' chest 53 1/2 wrist 6 3/4
JMO

JMO

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Lets Party !!!!!

We had my youngest sons birthday party today and we had such a good time. The whole family was here and the kids made out like bandits. All my kids got gifts "just because". My least favorite is an electric guitar that is very noisy and annoying. But the kids love it..   My dd said something that crushed me today after everyone left. I was fixing dinner, and she said "mom, I don't want to eat tonight, I want to shrink my tummy." I was like What? Why I like your tummy. She then tells me that Nana and her step aunts (nanas dd's) told her she needs to stop eating so much so she can shrink her tummy. This pisses me off beyond belief. I am quite aware of my childs issues, yes i think she can lose weight but I am not going to tell her she needs to stop eating to lose it. I also don't agree with putting that kind of thoughts into a 5 YEAR OLDS head....   I am going to take a step back and look at the whole pic. My father, yes I love him but I have always felt that he did not support me like he should because I was overweight. He left us as kids for months at a time, we didn't know if he was dead or alive. As a child I always felt that I was the reason my dad left my mom. He left when I was two weeks old because of another woman. When my dad was around he would make hurtful commits about my weight that were not incouraging or supportive. I wonder if that played a roll in my weight gain and addiction to food?   My dd looks up to her aunts, and her step grandmother (who is the same age as me I might add). They are obsessed with looks. Nana allows the girls to "advertise" with the way they dress. They both have shirts that say things that I would not wear as an adult like "size does matter" and "this shirt looks better wet!" I don't know they are just such snobs that I don't want there opinions about body image effecting my dd happiness.   My daughter is thick but in no way is she fat. I do see some signs that tell me she is not eating only when she is hungry. And I am battling those demons, everyday. We are changing our whole family, begining with me. I want our family to HEALTHY not skinny because its the thing to do. My dd will alway be bigger than others her father is 6' and her mother is 6'2. I just want to scream "STAY AWAY FROM MY DD"
JMO

JMO

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June 24th 9:00 am

Today I am getting up and going to DH's mom house. We are going to be cooking out so My diet is shot. (it doesn't have to be but I don't feel like being good today, or maybe tomorrow) I am so excited about the upcoming surgeries. I have been on this board for months watching everyone else lose weight, and I am happy that it is finally my turn. I read someone elses journal last night and I am ready to work my butt off to get the same results she had. Her workout routine is freaken amazing.. She rides her bike like 30 miles a day.. and does weights.. walks.. ect... Monday, I am getting my bike out and going for a ride (it won't be 30 miles) but if I can do one I will be happy to work my way up.
JMO

JMO

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July 4th Tuesday

I had my Gall bladder surgery. It was alot easier than I was expecting. I and 4 days out have have not taken anything for pain all day. The first day was the worst. I was not in pain on the inside, But there was a burning on the skin of one of my holes. I took a ton of meds waiting for it to go away, finally around 12:00 am I passed out. I was out of it for hours, then woke up to take more pain meds, and back to bed. I think my band might be easier because the day of this surgery TOM came and that sucked. I was crampy all over, although I was happy to be able to sleep on my stomach even on the first night home.   I am sitting here thinking damn, I only have 21 days till my band. I just can't wait. I have had so many last suppers it is sad. This past weekend we went to hunans for sushi. YUM.. it was Kenny's last supper because he finally got approved yesterday. But I celebrated too. lol   Everyone I see, I think in my head I wonder if I can get that small? I hope my ass will look like that. If I work out like crazy will my arms still flap? lol I know its stupid but it gives me something to think about other than food.   I was talking to my mom the other day and told her I was scared that I was going to morn my food. I have relied on it for so much, and through so many hard times. What am I going to do.. She said go shoping for smaller cloths. I liked that idea....
JMO

JMO

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I got full today...

Ok so I am on day three.. I am allowed full liquids today. For brkfast I had 1/3 cup of protein shake. Then around noon I ate liquidifed homemade veggie soup. At four I had 1/3 cup of oatmeal really runny. After each meal I was stunned to know that I was full. I had a tightness in my chest and I was done. It was so exciteing. That was the first real conformation that I had a BAND!!! hehe I am so sick of being sore. The doctors telling me that he has had pat. go back to work two days after surgery is BS. I am so sore and I can't bend over for anything. I get this hot burning sensation on my left side but its not where the insision is. I guess that is where the port is attached..   I have been tootin up a storm.. Man I keep wondering where all this gas has come from, every five mins I let one rip!!! TMI oh well my journal!! I know I have a few more days of rest but man I am so sick of not getting to excersise. My dd has been doing hers and she wants me to do them with her so bad but I just can't.. I tried to do leg lifts with her and you don't relize how much you use your stomach muscles to lift your legs...   My dh sais he is so nervous now because he saw me at the hospital in pain. I told him it would be fine, but hes never had any surgery so he is terrified..   I have meet some awsome people on this site and have made some great friends. Kmo and Lmo are a trip. The three of us have all been banded at the end of july. I think we are going to plan a trip in exactly one year... That would be so fun....   My kids are starving so I guess I need to go feed them....
JMO

JMO

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GROCERIES

I went to the grocery store today with all the kids. They all were so happy to help mom get "healthy snacks". So we picked out some veggies, FF pudding, low ft string cheese, the 100 cal. packs of cookies and chex mix, applesauce, and FF yougurt. Man I can't belive how expensive GOOD food is.     Tonight I tried something new for dinner.. zukinni, squash, onion, and black beans,salt pepper pam spray and grill everything in a pan. put on FF flour tort with 2%cheese top with another flour tort. cook in oven til crispy   I served it with FF sour cream and salsa and my kids asked for seconds? I was like what??????? You like it? ohh yeah I knew you would ... :0 !!!!! They were so good I swear it felt like cheating....   We also bought water bottles, 3 blues and two pinks. (boys get blue and me a DD get pink) all day that was all we drank, then at dinner we had walmart brand crystal light..
JMO

JMO

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doctor's appointment

Just woke up, tired because I could not quit thinking about what happened last night. I remember how bad those comments hurt coming from your family. I haven't decided if I am going to let it slide or speak up. I would like to say "stay the hell away from my dd" but that would hurt my dd to much. She worships my dad and stepmom.   Anyways I have an appointment today to see my doc. He is going to check my scars from the gb. I wonder how much I weigh? I have 8 days left before the band. I so want to be under 300 before surgery and I have worked my A$% off the get there.   I can't wait till my family is no longer labled "the fat family" I want to be named the "Holy crap, you look great" family.
JMO

JMO

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Day of surgery in detail.....

I woke up at 4:30 am I was starving due to being on liquids for over 36 hours and nothing for the last 8 hours. Got in the shower and left by 5:00. My dh stoped at starbucks and they were CLOSED haha serves him right... So At the hos. by 5:30 I went to the back to get checked in my room. Dh waited out in the waiting room. They asked me all the same questions that they asked the day before over the phone and keyed me in the system. My dh came back with me at 6:30 to hurry up and wait... At 7 the nurse came back in and told me to tell dh by, The first surgeries of the morning you were not allowed to take family back because they were so full. This was a shock, and brought the tears... I wanted, needed him back there with me.   I rode to the pre-op room bawling and scared. The anastelogist came back and did paper work then started my IV. Did great and hit it on the first shot. He then read my history with throwing up and gave me some fenagrin through my IV. Because I was so upset he also pushed so "I don't care meds" In there and I was happy again. I don't remember much but I do recall the nursing when pushing me into the op. room she bumped in to a wall and I said real loud "someone get over her and help this little girl drive this bed" Everyone laughed...   The next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room. If felt I was going to throw up and started dry heeving. They hurried and pushed lots of meds to keep me from puking... then I told them My left side of my stomach was on fire and my shoulders were hurting they said that was air... it stayed that way for several hours, even after 8 shots of de-lada. (spelling) I also had to keep drinking water and getting finagrin because I kept dry heeving.   The way the most pain I have ever been in. The dry heeving, man that hurt like the dickens. But I only truly threw up once, which is great for me because normally I after surgery I throw up for hours... In recover my oxygen kept falling to 75 because i was hold my breath. The alarms kept going off and they would run over there and tell me to breath.. As soon as my breathing was in the 90's and stayed there for 15mins (3 hours) they took me to my room. My dh was there and he said he was so worried because all they would tell him was that "I was fine", but when he asked why I was not out of recovery yet they would tell him "I was having problems breathing" So he was worried.. He said he called like 6 times and they were getting pissed at him... LOL he so sweet, hes my protector!!   In the room they had me eating ice and trying to get up and around. The first time I got up I felt real dizzy and nausious. I saw the bathroom and headed that way. The nurse asked if I had to potty and I said yes. So i went and tried but sat there for 20 mins and could not go. I did fall asleep on the toilet though.. My dh was like "jen, If your going to sleep go get in the bed.." LOL so we went back to the bed. I was in and out of it for several hours. I know at one point my mom called and I said "ass" I never cuse in front of my mom. Then I asked her "did I just say ass" lol she was like yeah but you have said alot of things that didn't make sense. LOL   I don't remember this but my dh said I kept talking in my sleep. One comment that he said I said was "Chase don't pee on the floor" (Thats my youngest and we are potty training) LOL He said I said alot of things that did't make sense but it was all the drugs talking.. The nurse kept asking me if I had to potty yet and I did my stomach hurt because I had to go so bad. I had three full IV bags in me plus the ice I ate. I needed to go but couldn't! It just would not come out.. I was getting aggervated. I was told I would be out of the hospital in 3-6 hours and I had already been there for 11 hours. I wanted to go home....   Around 4:45 I tried again to pee, I in the bathroom and sat down ,put my hand in warm running water and everything. I even let dh pee so maybe that would make me go. But it didn't... The nurse came in with a big glass of warm water and had my pour it down there and low and behold I peeed, oh it felt so good!!! I must have went for 10 mins straight... yeahhhh I get to go home, I finally peed! So we went back to the room and waited till they got a hold on my doc. At 5"30 I was tired of waiting so I got up and told them I was leaving.. they got a wheelchair and rolled me out...   At home I was in a little more pain than at the hos. Because my meds had worn off but in no way was it something I could not handle. My bf had my kids and the oldest were going to stay with her while the youngest two (hers and mine) came home with me. They are easy I can just put a movie on and they will watch it.. I don't have to intertain them.. Last night i slept on the couch half the night then around two I went and got in bed. I was comfy sleeping on my right side with pillows under my left side for support. (port on the left)I feel ok today with a little sorness and lots of gas. Thankfully it does not smell.. LOL i am just full of hot air... Today I am just going to chill and stick to my liquids for now. I have not had anything to eat sense sunday around 8:00 pm and at this point I don't want any... we will see how long that last. LOL   Signing off.... I AM IN BANDLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JMO

JMO

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Day 5 after surgery!

Today is the first day that I have not been alone with the kids. It was so nice, I told my dh I was not getting out of the bed until NOON.. And I didn't! LOL It is getting easier everyday, the pain that is. I am so over recovering, two surgeries in 3 weeks is hard on the body. I am ready to get my life back to normal minus the food. I am down 12lbs from last tuesday. I know most is water weight and I will most likly gain back but I will take it none the less. LOL I am so ready to start working out again. I tried the cross trainer yesterday and I never relized how much I use me stomach muscles on that thing. I made homemade chicken poy pie yesterday for dinner. I tried to blend it and eat it but the chicken did go down to well, after the first bit I dumped it and ate applesauce instead. This afternoon I made mashed potaotos and they taisted so good. YUM They are from the box but I guess I will have to deal with it until I feel like peeling a potato.
JMO

JMO

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Crazy bus

I am having a ruff day today. I am in the worst mood. I am sure it is because I was up late last night. Just as I was getting into bed, my youngest work up and was up for like three hours until finally I just put him in bed with me. Then my other two woke up sometime in the night and crawled into bed with us too. So not only did I go to bed at like 3:30 am but then I had three little "crumb crushers" in the bed kicking me and taking all the room until I finally gave up and just got up at 7:00.   I feel like I am on the crazy bus and my children are driving. When do I get some days off? My Dh is so awsome and trys to understand when I am like "I have to get out of this house". But sometimes he's like you don't want to "hang out" with me? I try to tell him its not him I just need to get out of this house. He goes to work everyday and has "me" time, even if it is working, it is still not at home.   I have so many emotions running through me at this point I am just confused. I am so ready for school to start but then again I think I should just enjoy my break. I am ready for my band and feel like these next 13 days will NEVER get here. I am ready for my DH to get his band too so we can be banded together. I am also stressing about money. We are so freaken broke. Heck we were broke 1 year ago and I have just made it worse by startin school. I need to ask my mom if she will co-sign for a student loan and I know she is going to shoot me down. (she belives in no credit, pay cash for everything)ahhhhh I just have so much in my brain I can't think......I need a vacation. Just one day away from EVERYTHING... Well I want my DH with me it would be nice to just get away with him ALONE.   I am going to lay my son down so I can take a nap. To be continued.....
JMO

JMO

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continued...

Ok I feel much better, Had a 2 hour nap. Got up and DD and I worked out on the cross trainer. She did 18 mins but I would say at least 5 mins of that she was going at a turtle pace, but still its more than she did yesterday. Hears a list of what we did..   Me: 43 mins of cross trainer on level 2 (that one level makes a big difference) 200 crunches(50 intervals) 50 leg lifts 3 set 15 curls 3 sets 15 press 3 set 15 leg press 3 set 15 leg curls DD: 18 mins of cross trainer on level 1 100 crunches (10 intervals) 28 leg lifts 50 jumping jacks (10 interval ) :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: OK now we are headed out to ride bikes... c-ya
JMO

JMO

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busy busy busy!!!

So I didn't write yesterday. I was so busy and will be super busy today too. My youngest is having a b-day party this weekend and I am a cleaning mad woman. Then I still have to go shopping, and and good friend is going out the next two nights so I am having a sleep over with three extra kids for two nights... ahhh 6 kids and no sanity!!   10 days left and I will be banded. I have not done so great on my diet here in the last two day but I am keeping up with my workout.   I am so addicted to this board. I have meet some great people and truly believe that my journey will be easier with all the wonderful support I have recieved. Well I must get busy..   Work out yesterday 45 mins on cross trainer 300 crunches 20 pushups 50 leg lifts no nite time work out to tired..   DD work out 18 mins on cross trainer 100 crunches 50 jumpin jacks
JMO

JMO

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Busted Lip

I feel so bad, I was doing my cross trainer, had five mins to go to finish my goal of 1 1/2 hours today. My youngest came in and was playing on my bed he then took a dive off the side of the bed and hit his top lip on one of the foot bars on my cross trainer. As soon as he caught his breath he was screaming and blood was shooting out of his mouth. His top lip is busted wide open. Dang, I feel so bad I never though it was close enough to the bed for them to hit it. Its like four feet or more away from the bed. Lesson learned... He is now on the couch eating crushed ice and loving it...   By the way on a good note: 6:00pm 55 mins cross trainer (5 mins from goal but will hit it tommorrow) 30 mins this morning 3 sets of 15 curls 35lbs 3 sets of 15 bench press 35lbs 150 situps 10 pushups (need to work on this)
JMO

JMO

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banded partner

Me and my dh are in this together now. He did great on the surgery and is back at work today. The surgen did say he was going to send ken to a specialist about his liver, he aid it did not look normal? don't know what thats about but he said not to worry to much. (surg was tueday, today is friday) He keeps saying how weird it is not to be hungry. It so nice to understand what he is going through and be able to warn him about things before they happen..   I have lost a total of 24 lbs and man that feels great. I am slowing down on weight loss and I am fine with that. I just want my 1-2 lbs a week. at that rate I will be at goal before my 1 yr banderversity. I am four weeks out today and I have alot less restriction but I still can't eat nearly what I used to. I am begining to understand when people say they are wide open, but I have not been there and hope to never get there.   I start school on monday and I am so ready. I love my kids more than life itself but boy do I need a break. This summer has been hard having to refferree all day. It will be nice when I can wake up and drop them off at school for 6 hours a day.   I am soon going to need some shorts because my cloths are falling off of me. I have to use a belt for everything.. I really don't want to spend alot on cloths but I may just buy one out fit every two weeks. I do know I HAVE to go buy some panties. I wear the boy shorts type and they won't even stay up. they just bunch up under my but so there is no point in wearing them. Ok well going to eat lunch.... turkey wrap..
JMO

JMO

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8 days after surgery!!!

15 lbs down... I am so full of emotions I am at a loss on how to express them. I want to cry when I think about how happy I am right now. I feel freedom! Freedom from the chains of food. I don't think about food EVERY second of the day. I enjoy food so much at this point because I am slowly taisting every bite. I don't beat myself up everyday for eating out of control. I am happy to get out of the bed because I know food is not going to be a struggle of wills. 15lbs is not much but but I know for sure this is the begining of something great. I can't wait till me dh has his so we can do this together.   I just started working out again. Two days ago I did ten mins on cross trainer in the morning and at night. Yesterday I did 30 mins. just in the morning. I am slowly working my way back to where I was before surgery. I still can't do crunches or weights. But it won't be long!!!!
JMO

JMO

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74 hours and counting

Three days and two hours remaining before I get to lap band land!!! I am so excited! gota go get ready just thought I would drop in..
JMO

JMO

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7 LBS DOWNNNNNN

WHHooohoooooo! I am down 7 lbs, I only have 4 more to go to be under 300 lbs. Can I get a Whot Whot!!! Hell Yes. I have worked out everyday and I feel great. It gets so much easier when you do it everyday. My dd is doing so good and working out with me. "Small nsv" we went to the store today to get the last few things I needed for surgery. We went past the cookies, and my ds said "mom lets get cookies", Before I could say anything My dd piped up and said "Kaleb, thats not very healthy". All I did was smile. We then went and got yogurt instead..   I went and had my "last supper" today. I went to cici's for cinn rolls. I did good and had a big salad with low fat dressing and 3 cinn rolls. That will be the last time I ever have a cinn roll from cici's. I will never go back...   I tried on a pair of shorts today and could not get them buttoned but I did get them over my hips.. LOL they are safe in my dresser and waiting till the day I can put them on, button them, and have lots of room to move...   I have 7 days left... Yeahhhhh This waiting is KILLING me.   While I wait: 1 1/2 hours on cross trainer 300 crunches 100 leg lifts 3 sets 15 curls 3 sets 15 press   DD 20 mins cross trainer 100 crunches 50 jumpin jacks 28 leg lifts
JMO

JMO

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22lbs lost

This band truly works. I had my doubts before I had it that it would help me. But it has done everything they said it would do. I have so much piece about food. I am not scared for someone to ask me to lunch because I know I will be good and not blow it for the day. I am no longer on a "DIET".... I have been on a diet for 20 years, its so nice not to let food consume my day. I eat what I want, the only rule I have is not to eat until my stomach growls. I have alot more confidence, and my dh is letting me know he can see it. He is so much more frisky latley. I can't wait till he has the band and we are doing this together.. It is going to be great..   My goal this week is to excercise everyday and do strengh training three days this week. I am hoping to loss 3-4 lbs.
JMO

JMO

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