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Learning to live as a Banster!!

Like many of you I have dealt with my weight my entire life. I was a cubby baby, then I was a cubby toddler and when I got to adolescence I was an overweight teenager. Everyone told me I would lose my "baby Fat" but it never happened. Now I am overweight adult who struggles daily with making the right choices.   I can't begin to tell you how many times I joined Weight Watchers. At least 30 times since I was 18 years old. I would lose 20 or 30 pounds and quit, then regain that weight plus more. Like many others I have been on this weight loss roller coaster my entire life.   I was banded on October 16th, 2008 and have had 3 fills. Currently I have 5.5 ccs in my 14 cc band. I have lost 51 pounds since my surgery. So I am obviously very happy with my band.   I will be honest, sometimes I continue to eat when I know my pouch is full. Sometimes I am enjoying my dinner so much and almost get upset when I realize my band is telling me to stop eating but then I have to realize, that's my band's job and I obey.   With Christmas quickly approaching I get worried about my eating. I will be traveling 7 hours to my mothers house. In the past I viewed traveling as a 7 hour long pig feast. Almost like I convinced myself that stopping at gas stations and buying candy and soda and chips, oh my! that I was somehow exempt from calories. Or maybe I thought since I was so exhausted from the drive that I "worked" off the calories. Whatever my mindset has been, it's time to change these habits, especiallly those habits that only come up a few times a year.   I'm going to take the Boy Scout oath when traveling this year: Always be Prepared! I am going to pack our food and snacks so that I am in control of what my husband and I eat. I am going to bring lots of water so I'm no tempted to stop at Starbucks ( I love Starbucks and look for every excuse to stop).   When I set out on my journey to become a bandster I was fully informed. I was fully educated by my surgeon, his staff and my personal research. However, being educated does not mean doing. Learning to live as a bandster has been an adjustment. I'm learning to trade off food because I track calories and know what has been in my mouth every second of the day. I journal every bite, taste, meal and snack. If I have dessert with my lunch and that puts me over my calories, then it means no dinner (which happened to me on Tuesday).   Everyday I focus on listening to my band. To realize those full signals that I have always ignored. Every week I omit another item from my grocery list that I would have purchased and brought into my home. I am enjoying more fruits and vegetables and eating things I would have never considered.   I thank God everyday that I was able to be banded. It is teaching me to tame the food addicted animal that exist within me. It's trial and error but for once in my life I feel that I am in control!   Good luck on your journey!   Merry Christmas!!!
tracie30

tracie30

3
 

I am offiicially a Hypocrit!

It's official!!! I'm a hypocrit!!! I posted a blog before Christmas that this year was going to be different. This year I was in control. I wasn't!!!   Was it exactly like the years before? Not by a long shot. Compared to years past, I was a total Angel but as a New Bandster I was the devil en carnet and I gained 8 pounds out of it!   I really don't see how that's possible but scales don't lie.   I always want to be the positive friend who people can count on to talk them off the ledge. I know that it's ok that sometimes I find myself on the ledge but sometimes I worry if the band will work for me. By all counts, it's been amazing but I lived my entire life as a big girl. I have always been the girl that everyone thinks is nice and sweet but completely overlooked by men and women. I have always been the biggest person in the room and always compared myself to the "pretty" girls who just seem to have people who compete for their attention.   Several weeks ago I was at a business meeting and found myself alone for most of the time. Although I had many people stop and say hi to me and chit chat for a minute or two, I just haven't connected with anyone who wants a fat friend.   Sometime I envision when I lose my weight how differently people will respond to me and I can't help but be a little sad.   When my mom saw me at Christmas she kept saying "I can't believe how pretty you are". Finally I said "because I lost 50 pounds suddenly I became pretty? I have always looked like this!" I could tell my mom could see how uncomfortable I was with her comments and finally stopped making a fuss.   Back to me allowing myself to get off track for Christmas...I ate everything. I didn't prepare because I was short on time and I didn't journal anything. Somehow I spiraled out of control and 4 days and 8 pounds later, I'm trying to get my control back.   Today I had 1750 calories. I don't have a lot of restriction but as I get more fills I know my calorie intake will decrease. Right now I can eat pretty much anything and everything BUT I have never went over 2000 calories in a day except for Christmas of course.   I got myself out of bed this morning and exercised. I plan to do a 30 minute walk 5 days a week. I started to journal my food today, so I feel like I'm moving in the right direction.   Good luck to everyone!!!
tracie30

tracie30

3
 

Food Addiction

I'm sure there are many of you that watch "Ruby". "Ruby" is a reality show about a women in Savannah Georgia who once weighted over 700 pounds. Through diet and exercise she has lost down to about 350 pounds.   Last week's episode of Ruby talked about food addiction. Ruby initially was offended to be considered a food addict. As I watched the episode I realized... I AM A FOOD ADDICT. I don't say this proudly, I say this factually. Food is heroine. Food comforts my mind and tortures my soul. I plan my day around food and feel excitement as time draws closer to eat. After I eat, I feel dissappointment with my lack of self control (this is the torture part for me) and inability to eat reasonably.   Why does food have this kind of control? I have self evaluated for years and the answer is mostly the same...I don't know. I was raised by a single parent and food was limited in our home, that could be a deep rooted issue for me. I have always lived in a fat body; I don't know who I would be without being overweight so maybe that's my fear. Maybe I fear male attention and the impact the attention could have on my marriage. I feel very strong in my committment to my husband but there's always fear of the unknown. Maybe I fear losing my best friend as issues are already arising because I am smaller than she is and she is showing signs of being uncomfortable with my progress (although this is a minor issue for me because if she's a true friend she will always be there and if she allows our friendship to dissolve due to me losing weight, then that's on her). Maybe I just love food.   At this point, I don't know why I'm a food addict but what I know for sure is it's time to be accountable.   On Ruby, the specialist recommended following the AA 12 step's and work through the addiction. My church offers a program like this so I am going to get involved and work the steps.   As I dive into this area of my life, I have to live in the moment at all time where food is concerned. I have to be more in tune to the triggers that cause me to make poor food choices and learn to deal with them while I am searching for the "why" I am a food addict.   I truly believe this is a huge step to my journey and who knows what might happen now that I have accepted my addiction. Acceptance if the first step in recovery.   Good luck to all my fellow food addicts.
tracie30

tracie30

2
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