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About this blog

This is my journal towards weight loss. This is where I can come and put everything out there. I have kept my decision to myself. The only person besides my doctor that know is my husband. (I finally told my best friend too!) My kids know I had surge

Entries in this blog

 

Finally back on the wagon!

It has taken me a while to jump back on the wagon. I have a hurdle to jump (as always) a business trip all next week! Those are tough. I might be ok if I work out every day. I have gotten the sweets and carbs out of my system and now my cravings are gone and it isn't hard to eat supper at 5:00pm and go to bed without eating. I forgot how this felt. I'm so glad I found it again. I have started to losing again. Yay! I have lost 3 lbs this week. I have to keep going. It feels better than I remember. It has been a long 3 month plateau. I am looking at changing my goal weight from 142.5 to 160. That is what I hope to be by Halloween. It is my goal for my halloween challenge. That will also put me at my 1 year Bandiversary. I am about 11 lbs from that now. I don't know if I should change my goal. Maybe I will know by then.   I have lost 114 lbs so far and thrilled to back on the wagon and losing again!!!!
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

Changing from a diet to a lifestyle...

1-17-08   Mentally I am doing pretty good. I think that the newness is wearing off. I am still motivated. I guess after 3 months things really are becoming more of a lifestyle change. It isn’t as hard to choose to eat healthy as it used to be. Today my hubby and kids wanted McDonalds. I went with DH to pick it up because I wanted to grab a couple of things at the store. It wasn’t even a choice I needed to make. I wouldn’t put myself in that situation over and over, but it was okay. I made myself one of these great stuffed chicken breasts that I found. They are at Wal-mart and they are about 230-270 calories, 7-8 carbs and 35 protein. It is so good and tasty. (It is Sam’s Choice brand and come in many different flavors. I like the pepper jack cheese and bacon.) Anyway my point is that I didn’t have any problem waiting the 30 minutes for my supper to get done because the band as curbed my hunger so much and THEN I couldn’t even eat the entire chicken breast before I was full. What I eat and make ahead of time has become a habit. Making food for the next few days has become habit. (I love my quick and easy chicken salad and I keep turkey breast around for a grab and go meal to eat at work with some cottage cheese and a veggie. )   My attitude toward this journey is starting to change. I’m not bored with it. That isn’t the right way to explain it. I guess like I said it is becoming more of a lifestyle. It is more of a normal way of life. I still get up every day and get on the Wii to weigh myself. I immediately get on lapbandtalk.com and record my weight change on my tickers. Every Friday I post my weight for my October 2008 group and every Saturday I have started to post for my Dr. Kirshenbaum group since I started their new challenge. Each Monday I record my weekly weight on my excel spread sheet that graphs my progress. This is a focus in my life, but I haven’t had to focus on it an intensely. It is nice. I just have to know how to balance everything in my life.     Part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have always been that person that starts to wonder what will happen when things are just going too good.
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

Did I really postpone my first fill?!?!?!?

11-21-08 Oh what was I thinking? I was afraid that I would drive all the way out to Denver and then not get a fill because I'm doing pretty well. I called and postponed until Dec 16th and then I rethought, but by the time I called back my appt was gone so now I wait another 2 weeks. Maybe it was the right thing. I am losing at a good pace, but I get hungry every 3 hours and I am afraid of eating too much at one time and stretching my pouch. I eat about 1 1/2cups or maybe a little more. I stop when I feel hungry and it takes me about an hour to eat. I do eat while working at my desk, but that helps to distract me so I eat slower...not faster. I have one friend that has noticed that I have lost weight. No one at work has noticed. I think maybe 10 more lbs and people will notice. I stated at 285 and I'm down to 253. I know the bigger you are the harder it is to tell. My goal is to hit 239 by January 1st. That might be a big goal... I am hopeful. I made it to the gym 3 times this week! YEAH!!!!!! That is an accomplishment. Maybe I’ll go tomorrow too. I won’t feel guilty if I don’t, but I will feel even better if I do.
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

ONEderland in less than 6 months!!!

April 4, 2009 Well the day is here! It is time to do the ONEderland Happy Dance!!!! I can’t believe it!!! I want to scream it to the heavens! I had this grand goal to hit it by April 1st. It happened a few days late, but who am I to complain? I just can’t believe it! In under 6 months I have gone from 285lbs to 199lbs. I just can’t believe it! My next goal is to get to the century mark and lose 100 lbs. That is about 15 lbs and my next goal is Memorial Day. I have big news on top of that. I shared my experience with a friend. This sounds like a small thing, but it isn’t for me. I have a 7 hour drive one way for a fill and I asked a friend to go with me. About 45 minutes into the drive I told her why we were headed out to Denver. I was very nervous about sharing with someone else. I’m not ready for everyone to know. I guess I am more ready than I have been in the past because it isn’t a question of whether or not I will be successful. She told me that sooner or later people or going to start to wonder if I had something done because usually people plateau and I haven’t yet. She might have a point, but have to tell people on my terms when I am ready. She even came back and saw me get a fill. I did get a fill yesterday. I was on the fence about whether or not to get one. I have been doing pretty good. I was surprised that I needed 0.6cc. Everything went down without a hitch after that….water, lunch, supper. No problem and we will see how things set in about 10 days when the fill takes effect. I still find it funny that it takes that long to kick in. Well this fat girl will keep doing the happy dance all day and someday I might realize that I’m not the fat girl I used to be. I still have a long way to go, but I’m not sure when my head will catch up with my weight.
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

Bandiversary Ideas.............

October will be here before I know it! I am thinking about Bandiversary ideas. I told hubby I want a TT and Breast Lift for my 40th birthday. I just turned 35, but I figure I will get a free consultation for my 39th so it is only 4 years away. By that time I should just have my surgery paid off! YAY! My size 12 pants are getting looser. I can't wait to fit into a size 10. One of my goals is to be a size 9 in '09. When I made that a goal I honestly never thought a size 12 was possible. Every smaller size is "gravey" (sorry for the food analagy, I guess I need a better way to say that!) I do like the idea of pictures. I just got a head shot done, but maybe an official full body picture is in order. I would LOVE to be at goal by then, but that will really be pushing it even if I keep a good pace. I am blessed at my current weight. I keep thinking about where I was one year ago. How it felt to sit in my chair to watch TV and sit in a chair and not be able to cross my legs. I remember a year ago sitting in the bleachers and feeling like a toad on a log just sitting there with my shoulders hunched over trying not to make eye contact because I didn't want anyone to feel like they had to talk to me. Tonight I went to my sons' football scrimmage and everyone kept commenting how good I looked, and damn it...they are right! :laugh:
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

Testing my new lifestyle.....

1-23-09   I went out to eat today and I was so scared I was going to blow it! I almost said no to those that were visiting from out of town, but I thought that at some point this would happen. I would need to eat out without planning for it. I needed to face it and see how I would do. I just said that this was becoming a lifestyle. Well life has unexpected twists. Would I handle this with style or fall back to my old ways?   I told them what I always order. (Chicken chimichanga with a huge plate that had cheese, guacamole, beans and rice on it along with the deep fried chimi.) Two of the four ordered it. I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t tempted. I thought of how good it would taste and how crappy I would feel. I thought about my weekly weigh in with my online support group tomorrow. I still wondered how I would say no. I thought about hitting the 220’s today for the first time. I STILL thought about it!!!!   I was absolutely RELIEVED when I realized that the band wouldn't let me completely pig out. That got me thinking straight. I ordered two tacos. It was just another reason I love my band! I had three tortilla chips with salsa and ONE taco and I was done. It was AWESOME!!!! I took the other taco and gave it to a co-worker.   I don’t know what the scale will say in the morning, but I won’t be terrified about stepping on it!
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

Happy Halloween!

10/31/08 0930: Happy Halloween. So far the pain has improved. I continue to take the liquid lortab. Shoulder pain comes and goes. The kids have been great and I have sipped some protein shake. 1330: I’m starting to get that “what did I do” feeling. No, not really a regret but kind of. I cooked frozen pizza for the family today. I’m not craving it. It isn’t like I am slobbering to get my hands on it. I am torn between telling myself that “I can’t have it again and don’t even think about it” and telling myself that “I can have it again in a small portion. I just have to be patient. “ I think once the gas pain is completely gone and I also start to see weight loss it will help. I hope.
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

One Week Post-op

11/5/08 ONE WEEK! I can’t believe it was only a week ago that I got banded! I have lost 9 lbs in that week for a total of 23 lbs. I haven’t lost anything the last 2 days…..uh I don’t think I can complain that I went two days without weight loss. Besides I’ve got some sodium back in my diet so I’m sure that will cause me to put on a few pounds of water. This first month is for healing. I need to remember that! I have been really watching my portions. I get hungry faster though. That is normal and expected since I don’t have restriction and swelling is going down. I think I’m okay with that. Someone asked me yesterday how much weight I have lost. That is awesome! I can’t believe at my weight that anyone can tell after 23 lbs, but I guess maybe in my face a little. I need to start walking. Not just with my job, but making an effort to walk. I can’t do vigorous exercise until after my first fill because I will be a month out then. My fill in is 3 weeks. I need to get off the “lose weight” mentality for 3 weeks. It is hard and I am afraid to lose that mentality for fear of not getting it back….. Well I think I ate too much this morning. I ate my egg beaters (southwestern) scrambled eggs. I make ½ cup. Then this morning at break (about 1 ½ hrs later) I thought I was hungry and ate a poached egg white and a piece of bacon. I think the bacon was pushing it. I am supposed to be on soft foods. Yeah, I know. Fried bacon probably wouldn’t make it on the list of soft foods. So I felt that bacon sitting in my pouch for a while. In fact a couple of hours later at lunch time I only at ½ c. cottage cheese because it was still sitting there. One of the departments had a little “tea party” at work to celebrate something. You know how that goes. Cookies, punch, nuts and all the trimmings. I did really good. ( I think.) I had a piece of cheese and two ritz crackers and 2 pieces of cantaloupe. I keep thinking people are going to look at me and say, “Hey you had that lap band surgery didn’t you?!?!” Well one of the girls at work had a RNY and I think she looks at me and knows all the signs of how and what I am eating. I know it will be okay and if people find out it won’t be a horrible thing. I just want it to happen on my time.
julie.ann

julie.ann

3
 

Back on the Wagon....

“In all fairness, some band patients do regain their weight. Many don't. The band is not magic. It's like any other weight loss program. It works as long as you do it. If you make a permanent lifestyle change and continue to eat healthy it can be permanent. If you drift back into grazing, eating junk or eating all soft foods the results won't last as long. It's not fool proof. Any fool can fool the band. Or you can choose to continue to work with it, heed the signals and do well. Like everything else about banding: your choice.” I’m not sure where I found this. It was from a bandster. I think this really sums up a lot about the band. I can succeed or fail with the band. This is still a war. I may lose a small battle, but as long as I still fight the war I’ll succeed with the band. I posted this as a response to another blog, but I think I’ll add it in here too….My blog is titled "My Secret Journey". I am the big mouth sharer everywhere I go. I'm sure people at work get tired of hearing all about my life. But this is personal. I think part of it is that I want the credit for the work and not for people to say "Oh she HAD to get that obesity surgery. She just lost the weight after that." I am not losing weight. I am getting rid of it. I think the term losing is a passive term and this journey is anything but passive!
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

Shouldn't losing weight be......harder than this?

2-1-09 Now I hope that I don’t have people throwing things at me after I say this. I don’t know if I’m more afraid of having heavy objects thrown at me or food thrown at me. I could dodge the heavy items, but I might not try so hard if it is ice cream or pizza people are throwing at me. I‘ve been thinking the last few days that this should be harder than it is. Oh don’t get me wrong, in the beginning and post-op it was hard enough! But now it appears that I have hit my sweet spot. About 1 -1/2 cups of food and I am good. I don’t get hungry until my next meal. I follow all of the bandster guidelines that I posted here. I was even able to refuse free pizza last night (the best pizza in town even!) and I stopped to get the guys Sonic when we were in town but I ate the healthy food I had packed with me. Yesterday morning I worked out and as I was running all over doing stuff with the kids I couldn’t believe that my work out was done for the day. What I needed to do to lose weight was done for the day already and I was showered and dong family stuff at 9:45am on Saturday. How easy was that! I guess because I have gotten to the point that the food choices are a lifestyle I don’t really think that much about the diet factor anymore. I have to work on getting to the gym. Maybe that is why it seems so much easier. I have half as much to worry about. I’m not saying that I never eat anything that isn’t healthy. Last week I had a cookie after lunch and I also had a tiny square 3 musketeers, you know the bite size kind. I worked it into my calories for those days. Today might be tougher because I am going to a super bowl party today. I know they will have chili there so I will be able to eat that or else I would take some healthy choices myself. I might eat before we go over there so that I’m not hungry looking at all of the food. (I will probably do that!) Anyway I guess I know that it could become more challenging when I need another fill for if (knock on wood) something would happen and I would need a band revision. That scares me the most because this surgery won’t be paid off for another 5 years. Anyway I will take the feeling that this should be harder but is pretty easy at the moment because I knwow the closer I get to goal the harder it will be to lose. I talked to my family practice doc a couple of days ago. I told him that I was going to wait until I was halfway to goal to let him know but since I was working in his office I just couldn’t keep it to myself since I had lost 60 lbs already. He was shocked and asked what I meant by not being halfway to goal. How much did I expect to lose. What was my goal? That really surprised me. I told him my goal was a healthy BMI. I don’t think he ever expected me to be able to lose that much. Yes, I am his first lap band patient. (I’m pretty sure.) My sister and I had a conversation a few years back about people in my family not being able to be “skinny” and weigh anything close to 140 because we are ….”big boned” (yeah don’t stop me if you’ve heard this because we have all heard this or thought this at one time or another) “We just aren’t built to be skinny.” I disagreed with her and now I am going to prove her wrong! I will be surprising them with my weight loss in July. I can’t wait. I should be down 100 lbs by then!:smile:
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

my "Ah-ha" moment

10/17/08     Here is my "Ah-ha" moment. (a bit lengthy)   I have just realized that eating is not supposed to be fun. No...I know what you are thinking. Well I know if it was me two weeks ago I would be thinking that it may not be fun, but I enjoy it.   I always saw eating as fun. Entertainment. I used it as a reward for myself or a consolation. I would put the kiddos to bed when they were little and then sit down with my favorite show and a plate of garlic bread and enjoy. If work REALLY sucked I would come home and sit down and eat ice cream or pick up McDonalds on the way home because I "deserved" it.   Eating is not supposed to be fun. I thought going out with friends and having fun equaled eating.   I started my pre-op diet on Monday. I started it earlier than I needed to and I have lost 8 lbs since last Friday. Wow I felt great...but I had that nawing desire for a last supper. Come on surely some of you can relate. That last...I can't eat this for months......can I ever eat this with the band......last supper. As of tomorrow no bread, pasta, rice or potatoes.   I ate great all day. I went grocery shopping and did it. Guess what. IT SUCKED!!!!!! I had garlic bread and frozen pizza. (My staple) Not only was the garlic bread not satisfying, but the pizza tasted...well, flat. That is the only way I can describe it. Flat! It tasted worse than ever before. My taste buds would be much happier if I had eaten veggies and chicken breast. I wish I could puke. I hope I remember this feeling forever! So not worth it!   I know that I will want crappy food again. But I feel like I am a step ahead of where I was before. Now listen to this. Are you ready? Eating is for survival. It is to get enough nutrition to live. That is its main focus. I know this sounds simple, but I have been oblivious to the obvious. (Try saying that three times fast.) It is not a reward. It does not console us. It doesn't take away boredom It doesn't listen to our problems. It is a fair weather friend....actually not even a friend at all. It is that bi*chy girl in jr. high that we thought liked us, but only pretends to until she can stab us in the back.   I am ready now. I am ready to start the rest of my life. I am ready to try to forget this "last supper". Actually I guess I want to remember it forever.
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

Food isn't my friend. It isn't my enemy. It is neutral.

10/22/08   I messed up. I have given up bread, pasta, rice and potatoes. That is my pre-op diet. I have been doing ok and I have lost 14 lbs. Tonight I forgot my ah, ha moment. I had a test and I failed. I went out with friends and I failed. I suffered a last supper. I thought I will have what I am craving and I know it will be full of fat, but I won't be breaking my diet. I won't go into it. I know many of you are on clear liquids. By what I had was breaded and I didn't think about it until after I was done. Of course the 3 grey goose and cranberry juices didn't help. I screwed up. So now I have to ask what did I learn from this. I learned that I need to remember that when socializing food doesn't make things more fun. That was my ah, ha moment. A few weeks ago I realized that food is not supposed to be fun. It is there to survive. It isn't fun. Fun is shopping for regular sized clothes and making love to your husband and feeling sexy. Fun is rock climbing and jumping up and down when you son makes a great miniature golf shot. Fun is sitting in a chair and feeling comfortable without a table in from of me to hide my body. Fun is not eating. Food doesn't want me to feel good. Food doesn't make me feel better. Food isn't my friend. It isn't my enemy. It is neutral. It is there to sustain life.   I flunked my test, but instead of feeling like giving up like I usually do I am going to learn from it. I wanted to get in the 260's before my surgery. I may have just cost me that milestone. I will survive. I will achieve. I will learn from my mistake. I will research and be prepared the next time I am invited out with friends. It may take more work....but a skinnier butt is worth it!
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

Three days post-op

11/01/08 1030: Today is better so far. I had some runny oatmeal. Maybe a ¼ cup at the most. I am still trying to drink protein drinks because protein helps with healing. I am going to work hard to get my water in today. I weighed myself and finally have all the water weight off from the hospital. I was wondering how long it would take to lose that. I am down 3 lbs since surgery 3 days ago. I haven’t been able to get many calories in. I am trying. I had to take my scopolamine patch off so I am hoping that I won’t have any nausea. I have my zofran if I need it. I am not going to worry so much about what I eat except to try to keep protein going in. My shoulder is only giving me a few pains. I hope I have gotten over the worst. It seems it gets worse when I eat or drink. 1400: Okay….so now I have a new question. When will I go? I guess this is a problem that many bandsters have. I took liquid colace on the 30th. I took mom the same day. I used Miralax on the 31st and another dose of mom today. I am passing gass. That is good, but I would be much happier if I would just go. I DO NOT want to end up with problems because of this. 1630: I almost passed out in Walmart. Luckily I leaned against a wall and was able to breath through it. I don’t know if it is dehydrations or too little calories. Probably the calories. I haven’t been able to get above 300 cal yet. Maybe today. 1930: Ok now I feel better about the plumbing and I will take some lortab before bed.
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

Four Days post op 11/2/08

11/2/08   I know that I am going to start going downhill when it comes to writing in my journal so I better keep it up while I have a few minutes. I went to church today. Still no one knows about surgery. I’m glad. Today some friends are moving back into their house after several months. Usually I would be the first in line to help. My family is still going to go. I can’t lift anything and I don’t know what kind of believable reason I would give about not being able to help. I thought about saying that I had my appendix out while I was out of town. I feel bad about lying though. Maybe I’ll skip. I have lost some weight, but once I can eat I’m worried that I will gain it all back. I have to start working on getting 60 gm of protein. I don’t know how to do it without kickin back protein shakes, but 3 a day is what I should do and that will get my protein in. Well I guess I know what I need to do. I will work on that! Tomorrow is my first day back to work. I am nervous. What if I am hurting, what if I get grilled as to why I am just on liquids. I am keeping that appy excuse in by back pocket. …..……Well I went to our friend’s house to help. I just told 2 people that I had laproscopic surgery but I didn’t want a big deal made about it. I just didn’t want them to think that was being lazy. Guess what. I over did it! I got home at 6:00 pm and went straight to bed. I should have known better. I guess it serves me right. More later.
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

My (tiny) Unfill...............

I just got my unfill on Friday. It is so nice to be able to take a glass of water and drink it right down!   I went to TGI Fridays and had my customary sizzlin chicken and cheese for lunch after my adjustment. I was able to each 1/4 of my serving and was full and satisfied and not get stuck. I think Friday was the first time of no PBing for a really long time. I am looking forward to making it a week without PBing and them even more. One day at a time. So far it has been 3 days.   Dr. K wanted to start by taking out 0.5cc. I told him I was thinking 0.1cc. I love the fact that he listens to me. We started at 0.1 removed and ended up after "tuning the band" with a total of 0.25cc removed. Not much if you look at it, but I could really tell a differce. I drove 14 hours round trip today to have 0.25cc removed. Wow!   I already know that I won't make my Halloween goal, but I am ready to get on my path. Soft Calorie Syndrome really was tough for me the last month. It might take me another 6 months to lose the last little bit I have to lose, but in less than a year I have lost 115 lbs so I know better than to complain!
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

Six Days Post-op 11/4/08

11/4/08 6:15 am: Well I was just re-reading my journal entry from yesterday. I think that maybe I have figured out a tiny part of why I don’t want to share this. If I felt like this was something that I WANTED it would different than something I NEEDED. It sounds like a small difference, but it isn’t really. I am planning to cook me up some egg beaters – southwestern this morning and I am avoiding. I better go. 7:00 am: Well that went well. At least so far. I had ½ cup of eggs. I took about 25 minutes to eat it. I really like eating with the relish fork and baby spoon. It helps me be mindful of what size of bites I take. No burping. Oh and I sneezed this morning a couple of times and it didn’t hurt. I am getting occasional hiccups. They are uncomfortable. It’s time to get ready for work. I feel better with real food in my system. I will work on my protein shake mid morning and maybe have some cottage cheese for lunch. It sounds good to me. I might shake things up and add some peas to it. Chew, chew, chew! 8:30 pm: WOW! I got in 680 calories today! 95 grams of Protein without the liquid protein even!!! I know I am using a lot of exclamation points, but that is exactly how I feel! I ate cottage cheese and peas. It tasted so good! I don’t want to get tired of it so I will have to watch it. On soft foods I am allowed well cooked casseroles. I think I will try one tomorrow. I am working on eating slow and not drinking anything right before, during or right after my meals. That is a really hard rule. I’ll keep plugging along. Oh yeah, the op sites are off of my incisions too. They look really good.
julie.ann

julie.ann

2
 

Hello World...I'm back...with a new goal.

Hello all, It has been so long that I'm sure no one knows me or remembers me. That is okay. I need to be here. Hello...my name is Julie and I have a problem. Now that you know my name I need to share more about me. It isn't that I want to be here (althought I love this place!) it is that I need to be here!   I was banded in October of 2008. I weighed 285.5 starting my pre-op. I lost 14 lbs the 2 weeks prior to surgery and I lost 115 total in the year after I started this journey. In January we put our daughter in a Christian based residential program and I had to get another (week-end night) job to pay for it. Being the emotional eater that I am I gained 20 lbs. Wow! That sounds like a huge amount doesn't it? I guess it is. In the past few weeks I have lost about 5 lbs so that puts me up 15 from my lowest, down 100# from my highest and 30# away from my goal that I want to get to before I get a tummy tuck. I can't afford a tummy tuck right now, but I have to get down to that weight and should be there a year before the surgery so I better get started now.   I have started a new ticker....one that starts today and shows that I need to lose 30.5# to get to my P.S. goal. I have done better getting back to the gym. I don't have to work my weedend night job through the summer. I got a new job working from home and traveling so it will be a whole different set of challenges. It's got to be better than trying not to each when you are awake for 24 hrs straight!   3 goals for me to start with: 1. KEEP TRACK OF WHAT I EAT ON SPARK PEOPLE!!! (I think this is my best tool with the exception of the band!) 2. Cardio 3 times a week for 30 minutes. ( I have been lifting weights and I can't seem to lose # when I lift, only inches) 3. Eat only when I am hungry. Solid protein first. The good eating habits will fall into line if I can just get back to the basics.     I have to keep my eye on the goal. I am VERY goal oriented. So here I go. I hope to be back often. High /Surgery/Current/Goal 285.5/ 271 / 185.5/142.5 Banded - 10/29/08 Five fills - 5.9 cc/10cc 1 Unfil 5.65cc/10cc   Read My Blog: My Secret Journey
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

Eating isn't fun, but I think that is okay...

11-14-08   I have come to the point where eating is not fun. I made this great epiphany during my pre-op diet. Remember how this goes…. Eating is for survival. It is to get enough nutrition to live. That is its main focus. It is not a reward. It does not console us. It doesn't take away boredom It doesn't listen to our problems. It is a fair weather friend....actually not even a friend at all. It is that bi*chy girl in jr. high that we thought liked us, but only pretends to until she can stab us in the back. I eat my protein and start on the rest and I find that to finish the 2-3oz of meat really loses the luster. Part of it may be that I’m not changing things up. (First a bite of one thing and then another.) Don’t get me wrong the protein I’m eating is very tasty. I’m getting used to not drinking with meals, but I think that is part of it too. I never realized just how much fun and fulfillment (no pun intended) I got out of eating before. I need to find some activity to take its place. I know that behavior is learned. I used to enjoy eating and tolerate physical activity. I need to learn to tolerate eating and enjoy physical activity. I guess I already have the first part down.
julie.ann

julie.ann

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Education...Phase 4

Well my education seems to have just begun. I know some of you may know me. I was banded almost 6 months ago and I have lost 90 lbs. So why do I say my education has just begun?   I think Phase 1 is learning about the band and making a decision. Phase 2 is pre-op and post-op. Phase 3 would probablly be learning to live with having this tool. Well I am just learning what it means to be banded with a band that has not only hit the sweet spot, but reminds me at every meal. (Phase 4) I had my fourth fill 2 weeks ago. My fills usually take 10-14 days to really take full effect. I don't know why, but I have talked to many other bandsters that have the same phenomenon. Well this one started working immediately. So I was a little worried about what would happen 10 days later. Well now I know. Now if I don't take very small bites and chew, chew chew I spew, spew spew. Sorry, but that is the truth. I had PBing/vomiting twice two days ago, once yesterday and once today. I am begining to remember. Things have definitely changed. For instance this morning for breakfast 2 pieces of bacon and a tiny nibble of eggs was all that would go down before I could start to tell I had enough.   I have been lucky enought to have great results so far without the real "intense" restriction. I can't eat much now and have to take small bites. I hope that once I get used to this restriction it will help the lbs drop off. I am ready to get home from this conference and get back into my routine. I miss "the usual" stuff, and I miss my Wii Fit. I haven't weighed in since Monday. I'm am going through withdrawl.
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

I've met some goals...Time to set a few more!

1-16-08     I have hit some of my Non-Scale Goals. My goals include being comfortable sitting in a chair without having a table to hide me.
Being able to cross my legs and be comfortable. (especially in an airplane)
My kids being able to hug me and put their arms all the way around me
I realized after my son’s game last night that I was comfortable sitting on the bleachers watching him play. I wasn’t completely self conscious like I used to be. I can cross my legs. I’m not completely comfortable doing it yet, but I’m getting there. Tonight after school when each of my boys gave me a hug they were able to lock their hands together behind me. WOW! Three months after surgery. Who would have thought!   My next goals are to · Weigh less than my husband · Be able to use a regular size towel and rap around me and have it stay. · Still working on crossing my legs comfortably. · I will be flying in April. I want to be more comfortable on an airplane and not wonder if the person next to me is wondering how they got stuck next to the fat chick. · I am planning to go parasailing! I wouldn’t go last year when I was at the beach in April because of my weight. I plan on being in onderland this year so I can’t wait to go!!! Whew! That is a lot! Here I go……
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

Acceptance......and a good bye to another Christmas.

12/26/08 Well I went back to the gym and worked hard. I have been gaining and losing the last 2 lbs over and over for about 10 days. I was so smug before thinking that I was lucky and doing so well….I guess it happens to everyone. Christmas is a hard time to diet. No doubt about that! I guess I should be happy if I don’t gain any weight this week. At one point I was 0.2 lbs away from my New Years goal. Now I am about 1.5lbs away. I don’t know if I will make it, but if I don’t make it by New Years it will be okay because I will make it soon. Ever since I really started focusing on that goal I haven’t done very well. I need to go back to the philosophy that said even if I mess up or don’t lose as fast as I want to I will lose it. It is ok not to be perfect. It is ok to mess up as long as I get back up and keep going. I am going to mess up. I have to expect it. That way it won’t hit me so hard when it happens. It will be ok and I will keep going and keep losing! I have to accept a new chapter in this Lap band book. I have to give up pizza. :embaressed_smile: I have been eating pizza occasionally. Too often lately. It has been around a lot. Today we helped some friends move. (I am actually exhausted and I don’t think I am going to make it to the gym tonight. I will tomorrow.) Anyway they ordered pizza for the group. I got stuck and started sliming at lunch and at supper. I thought I just wasn’t watching my bites well enough and I probably wasn’t, but I think it is time for me to accept that I have gotten tighter and that means no more bread. Not even pizza crust. I thought I would be upset and just want it more…but to tell you the truth I am kind of relieved. I think I needed an excuse not to eat it. My will power had failed me recently. It is time for me to get back to basics. I found out today that my grandpa passed away. I wasn’t close to him and the only reason I am going to the funeral is to support my mom. She needs some closure. Now my sister her 4 boys and my mom are coming home. That means I don’t get to surprise them this spring/summer with my weight loss. Oh…I guess I still will when I hit onderland, but it just won’t be as big of a surprise. I am still not planning to tell them about the lap band until I in onderland and much closer to goal so now I have to watch what I eat and not let them figure out what is going on. We’ll see what happens. I know that they will think that I went off the deep end if I tell them before there are more results. I need them to say “WOW! I wish I had done that!” Anyway….good bye Christmas. Parting is such sweet sorrow. I love you and hate your snacks and I can’t wait until next Christmas when I plan to be at goal! I pray it will be true!
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

Stress....Primary Care Doctor and a Best Friend.

11/24/08   Almost 1 month post-op and my wonderful, fabulous, miraculous resistance is all gone. I was supposed to have a fill tomorrow but it will be a week from Friday instead. I kind of kick myself for changing it, but it will be better traveling on Thanksgiving not to be getting used to my first adjustment. I thought I was cheating…okay I got all ticked off at the kids tonight and I dealt with it the way I used to deal with stress. I went out and bought a deep dish supreme single pizza from Red Baron. (Okay before it would not have been a mini pizza) I shouldn’t have been able to suck that thing down the way I did. Well I had no problem at all. On a positive note I put it in my Journal on www.sparkpeople.com and I didn’t blow it today like I thought I did. I ate so well before that I can forgive myself. I’m still less than 1000 calories for the day and I went to the gym tonight. I really wish we had a free journal on lapbandtalk.com It would be great to see what other bandsters are eating and their nutrients. I think I am the first patient that my primary care physician has had that has been banded. He said that other patients have been starting to ask about it. He asked me to keep him posted so I did when I had surgery and I figure after each fill. We work together….kind of... so I just drop him an email. It might be interesting to see what he asks as we go along. I pasted my bandster guidelines (from my blog) in my last email. The only thing he really asked about was not drinking while eating. I got a kick out of that just because that has been one of the hardest ones to get used to. Oh…I almost forgot! Someone at work finally noticed I had lost weight. Yesterday I looked at a close up picture from August and from last night. I saw a difference. That is really what I wanted to know….that there is a difference. Another big thing for me is that I finally told my best friend (besides DH) that I was banded. I’m glad I did. It is nice to have someone to share things with. I have every intention of telling my family once I’m in onederland and I fly down to surprise them but I don’t plan to tell anyone around here. Well I better sign off. I didn’t realize this was going to get so long. I want to finish by saying THANK YOU to all of you…my support group. What would I do without you?
julie.ann

julie.ann

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Decision Time - August 2008

After my brother’s wedding I finally made the decision to have the lap band procedure. I don’t know where or how I will afford it, but I have decided to move forward. I spoke to Brad and told him why I wanted to do this. By the time I was done telling him why I was crying. He said yes we can after we sell our other house. Little did I know and lucky for me he wouldn’t hold me to that time table.
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

September 16, 2008

I typed out a letter for my doctor to sign to try and get this approved through insurance. It didn’t work. No insurance means I start shopping around for a wonderful doctor that had good prices. What are the chances I will find that?   WOW! What do you know…I found it! Dr. Kirshenbaum in Denver has one of the lowest prices I’ve seen in the US I have found some of his patients on support groups on-line and haven’t heard a bad word about him. My surgery is scheduled for Oct 29th!
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
 

10/13/08

10/13/08 I started my pre-op diet a little early. My weight is 282, but a few days ago it was 285.5 so that is the highest weight I will record. No bread (!) potatoes, pasta or rice. I think the bread will be the hardest. I am doing basically an Atkins diet. Protein, low carbs. I have started to keep my food journal on sparkpeople.com again. I should have been doing that before. I don’t know how I will find time to exercise. I may wait until my first fill to start back to the gym.
julie.ann

julie.ann

1
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